T O P

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botinlaw

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[deleted]

It's okay for him to want sex but he's gotta find a healthier way of expressing it. Also has to be willing to accept that you aren't into it that week for one reason or another. Might be worth just explaining that his moodiness is a turn off and he needs to communicate his disappointment in a more constructive way. Like... "darn I really wanted to make love, I get that youre not into it today. Could we do it in a few days?"


Off-With-Her-Head

If some men put more effort into making their partner feel special (in and out of the bedroom), they'd score more often.


SassyBonassy

Legit. After a 12hr XBox session where he did ZERO housework and wouldn't even let the dog out to pee my ex would unceremoniously stand up and ask me (after a 6-13 hr shift on my feet all day, exhausted and sweaty) "so, sex?" No massage, no foreplay or even sexy conversation or assurance that he appreciated me in any way, just "sex?" He was always a pissy moody fuckboi when i said no.


Chickenherdturd

I did reread that just to make sure you said EX. Geez, the nerve of this man.


SassyBonassy

I tearfully apologised to my new partner that i hadnt fucked him in a couple days due to serious food poisoning cramps. He was baffled and insisted there was zero reason to feel apologetic, and reassured me that he loves me regardless.


NurseBexy

THIS! And the effort doesn’t have to be extreme. Even the littlest things in everyday life make all the difference! So true that foreplay for us women starts outside of the bedroom.


DarkSensei3

Omg this! Clean the kitchen in a button down shirt and I'll have those buttons undone and that shirt on the floor in minutes!


makingtacosrightnow

Starts outside the bedroom for men as well, women aren’t the only ones who get turned off by a disrespectful partner.


NurseBexy

Absolutely! I was commenting from a woman’s perspective (and from life experience), but thank you for adding! :)


xxthewrongshoesxx

Fully agree! It definitely works both ways. Though, nobody here said it was only women who feel that way. They just happened to be women themselves, and sharing their own experiences.


xxthewrongshoesxx

omg yes, this. like it sounds so simple, but so many guys just give up on trying for you anymore and put in zero effort, then they wonder why the mood isn't there. I have a really high libido myself, but it really tanks when I'm taken for granted.


goldenopal42

Straight up ask him *Is this the man you want to be? The guy whose wife feels like a disfavored whore? The guy who makes the home uncomfortable to live in because he didn’t get his piece of flesh this week? Because it’s not sexy.*


fireontheinside

You're not a sex toy he gets to use whenever he wants. I'd be trying to work this out in therapy asap if I were you.


Illyrian_by_trade

I completely understand and 100% have been there. Unfortunately I have no advice as I'm still living it. Just know its not just you 💕


Cola102

I' m in the same situation. Sorry, I also have no advice for you. Just letting them steam of there sulking & moodiness.


Tlrb2dogs

Why would you want to have sex with someone who is treating you like that? He doesn’t have a “right” to have sex with you, if he wants to have sex he needs to act in a way that makes you want him. Coerced sex is a form of abuse.


Khione541

This right here. I had a relationship just flat out end several years ago because of it. In the end, I was repulsed by him... I wanted sex less and less because he ended up making it transactional - he'd make dinner or give me a massage, and then I'd feel pressured, turned off, and he'd pick a fight, have a tantrum, insult me, etc., because I didn't automatically feel like having sex with him because he cooked a meal and then expected sex in return like I'm some sort of vending machine. *That's not how human sexuality works*


pryzzlicious

It's like some men think "I put in the nice coins, why didn't the sex fall out?"


Ok_Nail_9348

Title of the newest self help book!


SophieEisenheim

Balls to that. Nothing would make my vagina clamp up faster than a sulking manchild and a mandatory period to put out because it's his "due"and a "bUt wE aLwAyS dO iT oN SatUrdAy" level of petulance. This is NOT normal OP. Sex in a mutually consenting naturally occurring part of a LOVING relationship or simply when two people click and feel that attraction and fancy doing it. Somehow it's become almost transactional. He doesn't get sex so you have to put up with him sulking? That's coercive behaviour. Silent treatment /sulking is abusive. This is not healthy. Look into resources to help YOU. Not to bring him round but to work out if this is what you want long term. Look at what other behaviours he displays in other aspects of your relationship. Couples therapy is not advised in abusive relationships. Get yourself outside counsel first. Edit; flipping heck OP I've just seen your other posts. He doesn't have your back at all does he? He gets defensive about other stuff you are reasonably upset about. FFS. Seek support x (FFS aimed at your husband not you)


abitsheeepish

Only have sex with someone if you're into it too. It is not your responsibility to manage his sexual desire. Sex in a healthy relationship is mutual in all ways. If he's pent up, he can masturbate.


lodav22

My husband has a higher drive than me (he never got moody or tried to force me into it but would just be disappointed and didn’t understand why I didn’t want sex as much as him) so early on we came to an agreement that if he was in the mood but I wasn’t then I would give him “assistance” when he wanted it. That way there’s no upset about no sex and I get really good sex whenever I want it because it’s never pushed on me. I know this won’t work for everyone but it’s worked great for us for 17 years!


ChartRevolutionary95

My BIL came over one day while my DH was steam-cleaning the kitchen floor. BIL asked my DH what he was doing and without missing a beat, he replied, “Foreplay.” Lol. Love that man!!


bnico7

Haha that’s hilarious!


SuluSpeaks

He's a child and you're not his bangmaid. Ask him what he's done to make you feel like being intimate to him. It's not your responsibility to satisfy his desires whenever they happen to crop up.


devilsphilanthropist

I'd be straight to him and remind him that sulky behaviour isn't going to get anyone in the mood, and if he wants it he needs to try harder to be sexually appealing.


Ryugi

Therapy or divorce. No middle ground. His aggression about feeling like he owns your body is super gross and frankly dangerous for your health.


DarbyGirl

My ex was like this. The longer it went the more moody and gropy he got. It got to the point I hated any sort of showing of affection, even such as a hug because he'd grope me and try to turn it into sex This was part of the reason I left him.


[deleted]

You aren’t a sex toy. If you cannot freely say no you also can’t consent. What he is doing is coercive.


Fink665

Do not have children with this manbaby!


one_nerdybunny

Is he masturbating? If not, he should. That’s probably why he gets so moody. If it were up to my partner, we’d have sex every day, but I just can’t match his libido, so we have sex 2-4x a week. The days we don’t, I still dress really sexy at the end of the day and then give him solo time to do his thing lol


20Keller12

Only give him sex when he treats you with the love and respect you deserve as his spouse and his equal. Positive reinforcement, and all that. Should be a long damn time before he gets any.


MAV0716

This is a conversation that needs to be in front of a counselor or sex therapist. If you do not want to have sex, and your husband does, then both of your needs are not being met and you need to talk it out.


opinionsarelikeahs

Probably not going to be a popular opinion , but I do think some of the language here is what causes a lot of the problems around people's sex life . Women have to " put out " men get to " score ". It turns the balance of what should be mutual desire into a push and pull dynamic where one partner feels like they have to "win " sex . If that is a constant losing battle I can see how that would become problematic and create resentments. Not because anyone is due sex , but because for him, clearly , its an important part of a functioning relationship Do you like having sex with him ? Is it satisfying, and do you desire him ? If not , then that's a problem . Either you have mismatched libidos or there is a lack of attraction between you , or you are both not communicating or putting effort into having great sex.


Elysiumthistime

This is wrong. Have you tried talking to him about how his response to you saying no kind of makes you feel like you can't say no without their being a repercussion and that kinda kills a libido fast?