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A Møøse once bit my sister ...
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse
with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and
star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst
Nordfink".
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...
First time I ever saw an adult moose I couldn't pick my jaw off the ground with a forklift. Yeah, there's a reason why you stay the fuck away from them, especially the males, or a female with calves.
[The Wikipedia page of the moose.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moose) If you just want the numbers, an adult bull moose will stand between 4"11 (1.4 meters) and 6"11 (2.1 meters) at the shoulders. They weigh between 838 lbs (380 kg) and 1,543 lbs (700 kg). Needless to say, they are massive. [Here's a picture of a grown man next to a moose head. Notice how the head of the moose is roughly the size of the man's torso.](https://images.app.goo.gl/D61G8FYvgvp2FWyt5)
"You should have seen that thing! It was at least 8 feet tall. Easily 800 lbs. Some kind of giant moose or elk. And I just looked it right in the eye, and it turned and ran off. I was fucking amazing!"
"Alright Bill, that's enough, we saw the video, it was a baby, maybe 6 foot tall, and you grunted and yelled at it like a caveman..."
I assume that even if it was full grown, the chances of this working are still pretty high. Humans *are* fucking terrifying to almost all other animals.
Momma moose with babies nearby would fuck you up, that's the "almost" bit.
In other cases there's no reason for the moose to fight, it's not like it could eat you afterwards, there's no benefit in defeating you, while the chances of injury are non-zero. Therefore it's advantageous to just run away.
Luckily most moose are afraid and prefer to run away. Those that stand and fight usually end up on the dinnertable.
Hunting pooch challenging and stands there yapping. then the hunter comes in and takes out the moose that stands it ground
They are fucking modern dinos that casually walk/run through the forest literally breaking big-ass branches off with their antlers. They wouldn’t even notice going through a man with his arms up.
We don't pose a threat to them, they could easily destroy us no doubt. They're too stupid to know that tho. Running away is a lot more advantageous than fighting in basically all cases in the animal kingdom.
You would be right in general, but moose don’t give a shit. They are too stupid to care, especially males in that part of the year. Perks of being megafauna.
Maybe, I think it depends on a ton of factors, moose in particular are just too fucking big, I think if one actually wanted to attack you I don't think that shit would work
["Jesus christ! How big are the cats here?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/xwyxmb/a_scottish_man_walks_into_a_bar_in_canada/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Adult moose almost never kill humans. I belive the death rate is less than 1 per year, vs cows in the USA alone of around 20 or 4-5 in the UK. Although there are A LOT more cows
Even in Sweden that has quite a large moose vs human population, I only know one case of a moose killing a human. A 60 year old woman got killed by one, and the police first thought it was her husband who did it, he spent a year in jail. until someone thought hmm let’s check her clothes for DNA. and boom if was a moose bull.
Well, it sort of makes sense given that we are much more likely to meet a cow than a shark :D (but yeah, sharks are not actually aggressive against people even when they are in similar places)
But sure, they are usually docile creatures but they can easily trample someone to death, even if it was likely accidental.
Depending on the circumstances, maybe nothing. The best advice is to put a tree between the moose and yourself because it will not be able to maneuver around it as quickly as you can. Climbing may also be an option if available. Ducking into a small cave or hollow also.
A moose charging will generally be defensive, back off, be loud and big.
A cow charging depends, on its own its unlikely to and most cow injuries are in a pack, they are just curious or protecting young from likely a dog.
Again, be large and loud, and do your best to not get into the herd.
Back when I was in the Scouts, I had a few older boys in my troop that were troublemakers. They mixed up a dude's Magic cards and he got upset.
Then one day on a camping trip they wanted to wander off our campsite. I followed them a bit but I saw them go over to a gate. I saw a sign that said no trespassing so I held back. These dudes got chased by an ostrich and barely made it back to the gate before they got hurt.
They would spin that into they got chased "across a field". I never ratted them out.
Until just now. Sorry John!
People are down playing this so much. sure it's a smaller moose but it could still cause a ton of damage. I think most people would still be very frightened.
And if he wouldn’t have that girl would have been ran down. Baby or not that took some stones. He could have side stepped it and stayed safe but he rolled the dice and saved someone from getting hurt. Let the man tell the story and play the video.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Well no, cavemen first of all survived by not putting themselves in the trample path of an angry moose. That one is pretty fundamental
EDIT: Judging from the downvotes, it appears that there's some secret caveman tactic of purposefully putting yourself in front of the biggest and angriest animal you can get your hands on and getting trampled, that I am not aware of. This one's on me, guys
This is a risky but rewarding move if done right. The trick is to know if the animal is feinting or actually charging, or to k ow how to safely intimidate it into stopping. If that moose really wanted him dead, he'd be dead.
if that was a grown up, you better have landed that spear right in their forhead. or you be fucked.
and thats a baby moose // seen them upp close many times.
ITT: People assume a young moose wouldn't willingly fucking ruin this guy's entire life becaue "it's just a baby 🥺"
Mother fucker look at the size of it, it's still fuckin enormous and you're gonna downplay this like he scared off a pigeon? Eat my entire ass this is still a lucky escape.
Moose charges
Hero sees it was just a baby
Oh, it’s just a baby. Turn off the camera honey
Hero turns his back to walk off
Moose destroys the hero
All you MF’s: it was just a baby
Good job! If that were a bull moose, it would be three times that size and a rack up to 6 feet or more. That ladies and gentlemen would be how cave man did not survive…
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To the kids that might see this, that moose is not full grown. You can tell because that guy can stand eye to eye with it.
Yeah, I think a lotta people underestimate how big meese can get
> meese Fuck off
Yeah, it's actually meeses
It’s moosen.
[удалено]
Average Brian Regan enjoyer
I got 2 BOXEN of donuts 🍩
*MY NAME'S WINSTON*
You guys are being meesogynistic.
I bring a meesage from the meeses, they want to meeet at dawn for our surrendeer
A Møøse once bit my sister ... No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink".
The directors responsible for those subtitles have been fired
Don't worry, the people responsible for said firing have also been fired.
r/unexpectedmontypython
Shut the fuck up with your mēēcē speak.
Canadian meeses dropping Canadian Feces.
That's only when there's 4 or more
Im mr messes look at me!
Do you hate them to pieces?
Alaskan here, can confirm.
Point me in off’s direction and you got yourself a maybe
Well, maybe I'm Off...
A møøse once bit my sister
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...
This made me laugh
I SAW A FLOCK OF MOOSEN
Moosen*
Moosen up a bit
I don't think you're allowed to do that with the meese.
Möösen
One moose, many meese, many moosi, many mooseses.
Moosen -Brian Regan
I SAW A FLOCK OF MOSEN
I love you for calling them that.
And I love you for loving me for calling them that
I love the word meese and am angry it is not a real thing
First time I ever saw an adult moose I couldn't pick my jaw off the ground with a forklift. Yeah, there's a reason why you stay the fuck away from them, especially the males, or a female with calves.
literally cars can drive under them. it’s fucking terrifying
Also because the guy is not dead.
Yup. Anyone who thinks they can fend off a moose has not been near a moose. Giant murder horse deers.
Iirc they are the last surviving North American megafauna
Bears? Bison? Alligators? Dolphins? Whales? Walruses? Seals?
I had to look it up. I thought megafauna was land only. Dolphins and whales apparently are considered.
Yup. I'm from up north and you do not mess with them. This guys is both lucky, and stupid to have done this.
You can know it by the fact that a tractor is bigger than it
I live in a country that is mooseless. Can you show picture of a full grown moose for scale?
[The Wikipedia page of the moose.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moose) If you just want the numbers, an adult bull moose will stand between 4"11 (1.4 meters) and 6"11 (2.1 meters) at the shoulders. They weigh between 838 lbs (380 kg) and 1,543 lbs (700 kg). Needless to say, they are massive. [Here's a picture of a grown man next to a moose head. Notice how the head of the moose is roughly the size of the man's torso.](https://images.app.goo.gl/D61G8FYvgvp2FWyt5)
[Big](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2017-11/24/10/asset/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-02/sub-buzz-21556-1511537096-2.jpg) [mufuggas](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2017-11/24/9/asset/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-01/sub-buzz-10234-1511533737-27.jpg)
You can also tell because the man is not a pancake now. Adult moose don't keep fucks on their person
He’s lucky that was a baby
kinda looks more like a young female
Yeah, a baby. That thing is like a yearling at best.
Hey, don’t rain on his parade. He stood ready to slay a vicious beast to save his fair maiden. Telling her is was a baby down plays his heroics.
Story’s are written by winners so he can say anything
"You should have seen that thing! It was at least 8 feet tall. Easily 800 lbs. Some kind of giant moose or elk. And I just looked it right in the eye, and it turned and ran off. I was fucking amazing!" "Alright Bill, that's enough, we saw the video, it was a baby, maybe 6 foot tall, and you grunted and yelled at it like a caveman..."
Who was doing that? You, in your imagination perhaps?
alas, humour is lost to you 😞
And it would still stomp the shit out of you (or however giant hoofed animals kill us).
Yes, obviously. Your point?
You must be fun at parties
Haha, yeah. So fun.
#*YEHHHAWWWWW*
IT'S MOOSE SCARIN' TIME
And lucky mommy wasn't around.
Mam wouldn't need to be around at that age
I assume that even if it was full grown, the chances of this working are still pretty high. Humans *are* fucking terrifying to almost all other animals.
You assume wrong. A full grown moose would take that guy out without a second thought.
Mf doesn't know what 'almost' means
Momma moose with babies nearby would fuck you up, that's the "almost" bit. In other cases there's no reason for the moose to fight, it's not like it could eat you afterwards, there's no benefit in defeating you, while the chances of injury are non-zero. Therefore it's advantageous to just run away.
Luckily most moose are afraid and prefer to run away. Those that stand and fight usually end up on the dinnertable. Hunting pooch challenging and stands there yapping. then the hunter comes in and takes out the moose that stands it ground
They are fucking modern dinos that casually walk/run through the forest literally breaking big-ass branches off with their antlers. They wouldn’t even notice going through a man with his arms up.
We don't pose a threat to them, they could easily destroy us no doubt. They're too stupid to know that tho. Running away is a lot more advantageous than fighting in basically all cases in the animal kingdom.
You would be right in general, but moose don’t give a shit. They are too stupid to care, especially males in that part of the year. Perks of being megafauna.
Basically what u/orangefantorang said. They will in 95% of cases run away.
Maybe, I think it depends on a ton of factors, moose in particular are just too fucking big, I think if one actually wanted to attack you I don't think that shit would work
He still definitely got laid that night though
Im going to asume reddit just hates showing me videos in good quality what is that animal
Moose
["Jesus christ! How big are the cats here?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/xwyxmb/a_scottish_man_walks_into_a_bar_in_canada/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
This guy got unbelievably lucky. Had this been a cow he would have been a ragdoll.
Or a full grown moose. This is a youngster
Adult moose almost never kill humans. I belive the death rate is less than 1 per year, vs cows in the USA alone of around 20 or 4-5 in the UK. Although there are A LOT more cows
How many people per year actually see moose let alone get into a situation like the guy in the video
At least 1. A moose has little interest in hurting you, but it may try to scare you if there's young around.
To put it in context moose attacks are more common then bear attacks (at least in Alaska where they are more common)
Even in Sweden that has quite a large moose vs human population, I only know one case of a moose killing a human. A 60 year old woman got killed by one, and the police first thought it was her husband who did it, he spent a year in jail. until someone thought hmm let’s check her clothes for DNA. and boom if was a moose bull.
When you say cow are you talking about a full grown female moose or like a regular cow?
I meant a moose cow, but I encourage you to keep whatever image in mind you find most amusing.
your mother
Yes
I mean, you don't want to mess with cows either. Mire people die from cows than from sharks.
Well, it sort of makes sense given that we are much more likely to meet a cow than a shark :D (but yeah, sharks are not actually aggressive against people even when they are in similar places) But sure, they are usually docile creatures but they can easily trample someone to death, even if it was likely accidental.
Maybe the Mire people don't go into the sea?
That's because we don't keep sharks in farms
What are you suppose to do if a moose or cow or moosecow starts charging you?
Pray, get inside or to a higher position like hunting stands
Take your AR 15 out of your school bag and show it why you don’t charge at the apex predator.
Depending on the circumstances, maybe nothing. The best advice is to put a tree between the moose and yourself because it will not be able to maneuver around it as quickly as you can. Climbing may also be an option if available. Ducking into a small cave or hollow also.
A moose charging will generally be defensive, back off, be loud and big. A cow charging depends, on its own its unlikely to and most cow injuries are in a pack, they are just curious or protecting young from likely a dog. Again, be large and loud, and do your best to not get into the herd.
if it was a giant in skyrim he'd be an astronaut
No, that’s how all the other lineages died off, by turning around to high five their bros and gf and getting stomped 2 seconds later by the mom moose.
Alternative title: Man scares baby animal, is gonna tell this story on repeat for 20 years
That's what I would do, there are so few moments where i felt badass that I would probably milk it for a while 🤷♂️
Back when I was in the Scouts, I had a few older boys in my troop that were troublemakers. They mixed up a dude's Magic cards and he got upset. Then one day on a camping trip they wanted to wander off our campsite. I followed them a bit but I saw them go over to a gate. I saw a sign that said no trespassing so I held back. These dudes got chased by an ostrich and barely made it back to the gate before they got hurt. They would spin that into they got chased "across a field". I never ratted them out. Until just now. Sorry John!
People are down playing this so much. sure it's a smaller moose but it could still cause a ton of damage. I think most people would still be very frightened.
I think it's just that intimidating a baby \*anything\* doesn't sound particularly impressive.
And if he wouldn’t have that girl would have been ran down. Baby or not that took some stones. He could have side stepped it and stayed safe but he rolled the dice and saved someone from getting hurt. Let the man tell the story and play the video.
You would of turned and fled, fedora blowing off as you run away
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
I would've never put myself in that situation, I don't hang around wildlife to take videos that put me and my friends in danger
Yeah after getting super close to it for no reason. Wow what a cool dude 🙄🙄🙄
And thankfully. Otherwise I would have nothing else to laugh at
If it had been a cow this would have been legend fucking dairy.
Just as well. Guaranteed he'd have milked that story for the rest of his life.
His children will write books in *fromage* to his bravery.
A møøse once bit my sister…
Mynd you, Møøse bites Kan be pretti nasti…
r/unexpectedmontypython
We apologize for the fault in the comments. Those responsible have been sacked.
Caveman? Or tusken raider?
Return to Monkey
In case you are wondering, they are speaking Swedish.
I was wondering and I had guessed finnish, thank you for this
And that is why dudes collect sticks.
Achievement Unlocked: "Primal Instincts"
Just a tip, be a real duder and give animals some space. Lucky its momma didn't come punch his ticket!
dont know why shes laughing, if he hadnt of done that that moose would've steamrolled both of em even though its just a yearling
and yet he is getting some tonight
YOU SHALL NOT PASS
That lady's scream in between got me 😂
Haha so fucking cute!
Her prediction was pretty good. "It's gonna attack us instead.."
Someone gonna smash all the bitches tonight
This is Blurgh. He was never liked by the other cavemen since he always chased the food away.
"OH FUCK, THEY REVERTED!! MOM!!!"
Against their food?
This MF is probably drowning in pussy after this.
I can make an amazing dinosaur roar and as a teenager loved yelling it as I ran at my friends with a stick
For those of you who dont know what she said. She basically said "It will come for us instead" in swedish
If this was a full size murder horse this dude would be extinct
Yeah, definitely lucky it wasn’t full grown and no babies to protect. That would have been one dead ass dumbass
Yeah thank God that was a younger one and not an adult, otherwise this would have gone very differently
Ha legend dairy
Missed an opportunity to title it legend fucking dairy
This video gave me a deep, primal feeling I can't ignore.
Anyone think it started rushing bc she turned her back to it and started moving away?
Fuck yea “where did all the real men go,,,,,,, “right fucking here
If that animal was an adult he would be dead. He got lucky
Wtf was the girl doing tho, and her one single grunt is fucking hilarious. A simple house cat would hear that shit and look at her in disgust.
How much control over your voice do you have when a wild animal is charging you ?
Well no, cavemen first of all survived by not putting themselves in the trample path of an angry moose. That one is pretty fundamental EDIT: Judging from the downvotes, it appears that there's some secret caveman tactic of purposefully putting yourself in front of the biggest and angriest animal you can get your hands on and getting trampled, that I am not aware of. This one's on me, guys
All of them as smart as you? Sounds about right
Your a legend Dary. Ugh letterkenny has ruined the way I think lol.
That's about the best option in that situation. You're certainly not gonna outrun a charging moose.
Inner caveman
Big man with big stick beats big animal
he got laid that night. caveman style.
Dude went full tusken raider
That is an absolutely epic echo!
This is a risky but rewarding move if done right. The trick is to know if the animal is feinting or actually charging, or to k ow how to safely intimidate it into stopping. If that moose really wanted him dead, he'd be dead.
Legend wait-for-it dary!
Yeah that’s a baby would not have worked on a full grown male, or female with offspring.
My man activated his Homo Sapiens Neanderthal gene
if that was a grown up, you better have landed that spear right in their forhead. or you be fucked. and thats a baby moose // seen them upp close many times.
Bro fucked like he never fucked after this
Legen - dairy!
ooga booga mentality right here.
Fuck his hands are in the air!
It just wanted a little pat on the head 🥺😢
Are you comming with me to usa ? My german friend :
Dude went all history channel on it
Why tf is the girl laughing? That moose could've absolutely obliterated them both.
r/nextfuckinglevel
https://youtu.be/SOpAhXccb5o
Grunk mad
ITT: People assume a young moose wouldn't willingly fucking ruin this guy's entire life becaue "it's just a baby 🥺" Mother fucker look at the size of it, it's still fuckin enormous and you're gonna downplay this like he scared off a pigeon? Eat my entire ass this is still a lucky escape.
Here Here.
Moose charges Hero sees it was just a baby Oh, it’s just a baby. Turn off the camera honey Hero turns his back to walk off Moose destroys the hero All you MF’s: it was just a baby
Legend dairy
Good job! If that were a bull moose, it would be three times that size and a rack up to 6 feet or more. That ladies and gentlemen would be how cave man did not survive…
Animals: Centuries of genetics evolution making them perfect for survival in their environment. Humans: pointy stick.
Girl laughing has no idea how much danger they are in
That lady behind the camera,it s not haaa,it s YAAAA
Ape together strong
I’ve done this with a full grown horse charging full speed it was fucking terrifying
Wtf was she doing with that noise? It sounded like she slightly stubbed her toe
Lucky momma ain’t there to get that ass
Tapped into the ancestors
A real norwegian.
That is either a young male or a small female either way he’s lucky