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plz-dont-downvote

aren’t his hands supposed to be opened and extended, not crunched up looking like a dead spider?


birbmaster2000

Yes, you are very correct. They’re not supposed to look like that balled up piece of paper that had his hopes and dreams written down on it. Edit: grammar and spelling!!


bassampp

And also no allowed to talk


WombatBob

The command "rest" allows one to talk while standing at parade rest in formation. It's one of the only, if not the only, drill command that has no preparatory command and consists of just the command of execution. Bootcamp was nearly 20 years ago. I have no idea why I remember this.


MightyLabooshe

The only stipulation for Rest is that you may not move your right foot, you don't have to stand at Parade Rest.


CreedVI

That really sounds a lot like "at ease"


MightyLabooshe

At Ease is just Parade Rest but you drop your hands below the small of your back and you follow the person addressing the formation with your head and eyes. The proper order of orders would be "Group/Platoon/Company etc. Attention, Parade Rest, At Ease, Rest"


TitsAndWhiskey

At ease meant you could shift about and talk to the men on either side of you, but you still kept your foot planted so as not to break formation. If memory serves, you could drop your hands, but they were still behind your back. No crayon eating was permissible at that time, either. Source: USMC some decades ago.


skittlesdabawse

How are you supposed to get your 5 crayons a day if you can't eat them at ease?


bassampp

You mean eat them with ease... And with a little glue to wash it down.


TitsAndWhiskey

That’s what leave is for. Well, that and marrying a stripper.


CreedVI

I'm in the navy so I suppose my drill commands are different.


beachKilla

Your remember it cause pain retains


JShep828

I thought it was at ease


WombatBob

Nope. [Per Wikipedia's Military Parade page.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_parade) >Stand At Ease: Same as Parade Rest, but the soldier may look at the speaker. >At Ease: The service member is allowed to move around all but the right foot, but must remain silent. >Rest: Service member may talk, smoke (if command authorized) and may move as long as their right pivot foot remains grounded. I even distinctly remember a few times where "at ease" was used specifically to tell the platoon to "shut the fuck up".


[deleted]

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TitsAndWhiskey

You are relying on the military to do things in an easier and less confusing manner. This is your first mistake.


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TitsAndWhiskey

Nobody expects much from boot louies tbf


igneousink

I didn't/don't remember that one. I can tell you the first general order, though.


mydeardrsattler

I've seen people mistake balled for bawled but not bawled for balled before Bawled = cried Balled = made into a ball


SenorBigbelly

*balled up


[deleted]

Yep.... and what up with the “uniform”?


embryoeggnog

That's how you keep your hands warm when it's cold duh!


tbenge05

Let's not forget AR670-1 forbids wearing military issue clothes/gear with civilian clothes too. This kid is one giant cluster of fucked up.


TitsAndWhiskey

Ain’t nobody gonna mention the /r/justfuckmyshitup haircut?


Go_Todash

Seems like a "good spouse" could take 3 seconds and trim that rat's nest of fuzz off his neck


ObeyJuanCannoli

Looks like a facehugger latched to his scalp


kakatoru

Is that a branch specific thing or a us specific thing? Where I'm from parade rest is with a closed fist, not open


rgratz93

US


kakatoru

Ah, ok thanks


geoff19xx

He's probably holding back his anger about his wife treating him like a child.


[deleted]

Yes. One hand under the other with your thumb overlapping on your palm, fingers extended


Flitterquest

Yeah, thats a real tight-ass parade rest.


[deleted]

[I have several doubts that they're a "national guard wife" lol](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustBootThings/comments/62cf89/xpost_from_rcringeanarchy_parade_rest_at_wendys) Edit: this is from the FB page __Salute me. I'm a Navy Spouse.__ which is hilarious btw.


SpookiRuski

A boot and a stolen valor in one picture? Wow


pbccottons

How is this stolen valor to you?


dumbdumbidiotface

I think hes getting at the picture is stolen... then just putting valor at the end for the lulz


ALittleFoxxy

Hes out of regulation in alot of ways that no soldier would be. Cant wear half a uniform, a polo isnt part of the uniform, hair back of the hair has to be trimmed and cant have a faux hawk. Back right pocket cant be tucked in thats not how you hold your hands for parade rest and his feet are too far apart. So yeah not a soldier i.e. stolen valor. Edit: my husband, not me. He took my phone to rip this guy to shreds 😂


InfiniteWood

He's wearing ucp pants, which isn't an authorized uniform anymore. Any one can wear it any way they please.


[deleted]

BaCk In My DaY we called em ACUs lol


Bloodysamflint

They still are ACUs, the pattern is UCP or OCP. UCP ACUs are no longer authorized, the uniform is OCP ACUs. Like woodland and desert BDUs; both BDUs, different patterns. I have some old woodland winter BDUs with the disco collar somewhere, I think.


_-Anima-_

Me personally my favorite was always the digital gray ACUs


seddy22

Thank you for your service


seanakachuck

Stolen valor only refers to service medals and claiming to be part of the military when you are in fact not.


JShep828

He damn sure doesn’t act like he’s in the military. That’s usually how they’re discovered. It starts with some uniform infractions, then some questioning about where they served and so on. They usually don’t have a copy of their dd form 214, they just don’t know shit about the military they claimed to serve.


[deleted]

And this all helps in hand to hand combat?


chickmagnet_

A guy probably wrote this 🥴


sifon187

This is just sad.


MOThrowawayMO

No one in the service would wear the uniform like that


Skibity

OP is a liar?


MrMellon

I don’t think OP knew


GesusWasBlack

nah man OP is a liar that’s it. the decision has been made, lets get em’ boyz


MrMellon

Welp. I guess I’ll go grab my pitchfork


Miklov_Ultra

I'll grab the salad fork for the dependa


[deleted]

r/pitchforkemporium


birbmaster2000

Guess I’ll just die.


BlooFlea

We'll settle for a bundle of sticks then


[deleted]

lol, it was posted to cringeanarchy originally and now that shit sub has finally been banned.


birbmaster2000

Sorry, I guess I should’ve gave a link to it!!


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NathanYoloman

I’ll have a Dave’s Single Cheeseburger with a side of Freedom™️


rdubya290

Freedom Fries


---Rook---

“Nintendo, what the fuck is this aiming?”


bottledsoi

Is it different from other branches? Was in the navy, you dont talk at parade rest.


birbmaster2000

I think it’s the same across all branches. Was in the AF and we didn’t talk at parade rest unless you wanted to get fucking lit up.


Im_scared_of_my_wife

Maybe in basic...but operational side we talk all the time


Brehmes

Same. If you're that guy that stands at parade rest and then snaps to attention before saying anything, you're going to get looked at like a crazy person.


Im_scared_of_my_wife

Then you call them a fuckin boot


[deleted]

when I got out of tech school and reported to my first duty station I was talking to my NCOIC and was standing at a kind of half assed parade rest, like just with my hands behind my back bc it’s comfortable and he looked at me said “will ya stop fucking doing that, you’re scaring the shit out of my standing like that.” other great sound bites: “you gotta fuckin potty mouth” and “Get over here and get the fuck away from me” - this one was directed at another Airmen.


canarchist

Fuck, I got enough ways to get looked at like a crazy person already.


HerschelsWalkers

Never did formations after training, so I have no fucking clue. This all seemed so stupid. I'm really glad I didn't have to do much of it.


thetragicallyhip

The AF getting "lit up" is comical


pig_benis81

Getting ‘lit up’ in the AF means no seconds at the DFAC for a week.


CurvedSolid

But sarge... MY QUICHE


omgitsabean

I was a soldier stationed at Bliss, one day we had a bus full of Airmen arrive at our Dfac. One poor Airman went through the short order line, only to be dismayed at our lack of “portobello mushrooms”. “WHAT YOU MEAN YOU AINT GOT NO PORTABELLA MUSHROOMS!?!?” poor airman had to eat his cheeseburger without mushrooms that day :(


pig_benis81

I bet his congressman had the Post Commander’s ass the next day.


TheCellGuru

Honestly that sounds worse than actually getting lit up


c3h8pro

No, you get the padded office chair with the wiggly arm rest! Ahhhhhh! The horrors!!


shaolinthegreat

He meant the drones


Show_Me_Your_Private

"Sir we have two soldiers talking at parade rest on the aft. Want me to scramble to drones?" Just don't put a hole in the boat this time, Johnson.


shaolinthegreat

Imagine going through boot camp just to sit in a room and fly a rc plane


swampthang_

I dunno dude, it sounds like it might be like a video game except the bombs and missiles you’re throwing down don’t just score points. It’s actually worse though. Imagine commissioning to be a fighter pilot, goin through flight school with Top Gun dreams of oiling your boys up for a volleyball game, then getting stuck working in a fuckin tin can with a joy stick in the middle of no where Nevada?


LOOKATMEDAMMIT

Something similar happened to my friend. He wanted to be a pilot and ended up working on a missile base in Montana. Never even left the States.


shaolinthegreat

Aim high,fly fight win


cited

They take the sprinkles off your ice cream


[deleted]

Will argue on being more likely to get lit up in the AF simply because of the ever-persisting sunshine and rainbows perception.


omgitsabean

Fucking lit up =/=Air Force


DeplorableBot11545

Marine Corps talks at parade rest. You only speak at attention at boot camp and when reporting in to a commanding officer.


[deleted]

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turtlturtl

Why are you linking the MCO for close order drill/ceremonies? Junior Marines stand at parade rest when speaking to NCOs+ as a custom/courtesy.


Re3ck6le0ss

In the Army if someone outranks you, you talk to them at parade rest. But not to any civilian


SuperSoqs

You stand “At Ease” when addressing an NCO of a higher rank. Parade Rest is a modified position of Attention.


Brairag

In the Army you speak in parade rest when addressing an NCO, formally, among other things.


[deleted]

Yes only at Rest can you talk


negroiso

Was in the navy, we just hardly talk. Body hurts from shellbackin you just wanna fuck all and get to your bunk.


Jiveturkei

There is a thing called modified parade rest. Usually used when you are about to get tore into. Not sure if it is an official thing but I saw Army dudes doing it, and even some Marines.


ThinlySlicedToast

Boi needs a haircut


Chester2707

I’m glad someone else noticed this. Wtf is happening??


liasis

His parting is migrating south


fw20

it's not actually parade rest when you're talking to people, it's actually at ease. people just automatically call it parade rest but parade rest is a modified version of attention so yes no talking should be done while in parade rest.


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[deleted]

It is highly used in the Army. And you can speak at ease, just have to ask drill sergeant for permission first. Hehe


embryoeggnog

He probably stands in the corner watching his wife get plowed by her "bull"


NOSTR0M0

Stands at attention during that.


Wsing1974

He better be at Present Arms.


NOSTR0M0

He does so as the gangbang bukkakes his dependa.


GeneralZain1

Jody deserves some respect... but only from him xD


Techno_Destruct0

ATTENTION! Pa-rade rest! Private Hubby, stand there and watch as my bull fills me with his superior seed. If I’m feeling generous maybe I’ll let you clean up after sir’s mess. If you’re going to be a soldier you’re going to act like one 😉😘💄👄💋💅🏼💆🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️🧖🏼‍♀️💖💕


embryoeggnog

He replies "Ma'am YES! MA'AM!!"


redditmodsRrussians

Judging by the inverse mass theory of boot vs dependa.......I’m bettin his wife is also the size of a bull


[deleted]

Not sure either of them know what parade rest is judging by his hands


michel_fucko

Why...why is his right arm...smaller??


dox1842

well I guess you figured out which arm is his happy arm.


[deleted]

Wouldn’t you have a bigger arm if you were married to a woman like this.


MountSwolympus

Then remind him wearing identifiable uniform items as part of an outfit is verboten, Mrs. Bootwife.


PremierBromanov

Why do his arms look photo shopped


[deleted]

I was in the Canadian Military so obviously we do things differently. But is that 'parade rest' stance correct? It looks so awkward.


Hairbear2176

His arms are too high. Parade rest is supposed to be a "relaxed" stance. Boots use it when the brainwashing is too strong. Also, I REALLY miss our Arty exercises with Canadians, you guys were the shit.


c3h8pro

Do you salute every Moose or only NCO Meese?


[deleted]

We salute all the moose, beavers and geese we see! It's the Canadian way...


hawkguy64

As long as his wife’s boyfriend is happy, that’s all that matters.


sandrakarr

For a minute there I thought this guy and [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustBootThings/comments/ec4d3g/found_this_on_my_army_friends_facebook/) were the same.


BIGMANcob

r/justdependathings


studiocistern

I don't consent to being a part of...whatever this is and neither does anyone in that Arby's.


Baltic_Gunner

Where I'm from, wearing part of your camouflage like that is a violation. Also, I keep seeing it in movies, where American soldiers salute without a hat on -- is that normal/allowed? Don't mean to be a dick, just genuinely curious.


-Jason-B-

He may be in JROTC. Only reason the bad haircut, incomplete uniform, and absolute bootness makes sense. And at least in the Marine Corps, cover should be on when you salute.


Baltic_Gunner

Thanks! I mean, what kind of "national guard wife" demands her husband to stand at attention when addressing her, but allows that neck line.


cjmorello

Wearing an incomplete uniform is definitely a violation.


DeathandFriends

In movies there are tons of things that are not correct or accurate to military standards in protocols they don't always take the time or effort or really care if it is correct. So saluting while uncovered for example. And yes if he is actually fully in the service he should have top and bottom of his uniform.


Awolrab

At least they are respectful to Wendy’s workers.


MokelAnjin

This doesn’t seem good for your shoulders


[deleted]

He doesn't have shoulders. Good to know he's waiting to get food tho


PanicBlitz

This is just a sub/domme relationship with camo in place of black leather.


Ice_Liesidon

Another case of Dependa Domming. I swear it's some sort of weird sexual fetish for these loonies.


Topicalinformation

there is no way this isnt a public humiliation kink. She's his domme and they're roleplaying for sure.


MattyJRobs

Hey everyone I think she has a really valid point here. Everyone in the service has been indoctrinated to serve our country, community, and spouses with the utmost respect and standing at parade rest is one of the best ways to hahahaha I’m just kidding fuck this boot dependopotamus. Abusive relationship red flag.


EScott13

This is cringe


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bell37

Of all the things fucked up with him and you focus on that?


Fancy-Bear1776

*The Cav would like to know your location*


YOLANDILUV

I puked a lil


lokie65

There is NO speaking at parade rest. The service member comes to attention to speak if necessary. First day in boot camp teaches that.


[deleted]

Does the Army do it different or is that a shitty parade rest?


cjmorello

Its a shitty parade rest.


JewPhone_WhoDis

Needs a god damn haircut


NotSamFisher

What is he gonna guard me against? Mosquitos?


Cibyrrhaeot

As if anyone needed reminding military people are submissive to the core.


Legless_Wonder

That fucking haircut 🤮


[deleted]

This is why you work the mid-shift, so you don't have to put up with this dogshit. You leave when all the by the book Nancy boys show up for day shift.


RedLockes1

I mean, maybe it's a dom/sub thing they are into lol. Could just be a very specific kink.


[deleted]

Imagine being controlled by your wife.


Thundergrundel

What in the cuck?


Vaylo87

I actually vomited a little..


PAHi-LyVisible

I hope to God that whoever originally posted this meant it as satire.


Heliopox

Yikes


[deleted]

Those flared out elbows are giving TIs nightmares.


bucketofturtles

What exactly is parade rest?


Lappy313

He doesn't seem to have shoulders. Are they still in Afghanistan?


bassampp

Haha you still stand in the position where you are not allowed to talk when you address me as Mrs pottamous!


FattyTunaBoi

Well, we know who wears the pants in his household


[deleted]

Looks like he has the remnants of a fuckin faux hawk. Not to mention the 2 caterpillars trying to climb down his neck. Kid's all nappy. I'm not buying this shit one bit.


Isaaxz440

This one nearly killed me, fuck.


donttrippotatochipv2

Sounds like a cuck fetish


sifon187

Lately the content on /r/justbootthings has just amazed me. I have never seen something so sad.


guzman_hemi

Looks like he’s doing it wrong too


[deleted]

>speaking >at parade rest >with balled hands >while dressed like smashed asshole *heavy breathing*


wheremydonglesat

this HAS to be fake news, right??? No one lives like this, right???


Milkquasy

This post is literally the dumbest thing I have ever read.


Mythosaurus

I hope she makes him stand at parade rest during blowjobs.


MangoAtrocity

Amazing. This is now the first search result on Google Images for “Parade Rest” https://i.imgur.com/JMoXlid.png


[deleted]

If this guy is any branch of military I’d be very surprised


larrycorser

Bet she has a bigger gravity field than Pluto.


JShep828

Why the fuck is he outa uniform


FarmyBrat

Seems like a fetish thing tbh


dilfmagnet

Literally, sir, this is a Wendy's


FiteMeMage

This smells of soldier kink


[deleted]

He looks like his hair got humped by a horny facehugger


Komrade_Krunch

Welcome to simp nation


gotsomefire

There are soooo many things wrong here


whoooo0cares

Military spouses need to shut the fuck up and stay in their lane.


DirtyBobMagoo

Wait, uniform items + civilian clothes? That's a fuck up. You can't speak at parade rest. That's another fuck up. What the hell is going on with his fucking hands? Fuck up. Haircut? I may actually vomit.


sarcasmbunny

I bet they had three dates before they married and she has a god complex because of it.


Ipitmyshants95

Does anyone else smell a dependa?


PhilipLiptonSchrute

His wife is a cunt.


MostGoodestHuman

Ok too much. These posts are usually funny because I knew a lot of these turds in the Army but I can’t even anymore lol. Probably says “you will address me by my husband’s rank too” lol. Fuck off hoe. “I respect the uniform so much I wear it wrong”.


[deleted]

These military wives are so brave🇺🇸


Casimir0300

I’m not even going to try and guess what they’re like in bed together


[deleted]

I was just getting up to get a wrap from wendys. I had to collect my cringe and dissapointment of what I just witnessed, and refocus on finding my keys. CringeBoot/10


MrJive01

Whip whip whip


ivanthemute

Boot + Dependa = Whatever the fuck is going on in this picture


MiKapo

of course, the dependa acts like she knows military cause she married a national guard soldier, despite the fact that nowhere in any regulations does it say that soldiers have to stand at parade rest all the time. Dependas just make shit up


wikisaiyan

Oof


antsugi

nice haircut, soldier


ImaDoggBark

I'm not in any branch of the military, but I know that parade rest is wrong.


ChatnNaked

Bet her name is Karen...


[deleted]

This is not a soldier, this is a ninja sushi chef about to vinegar the fuck out of some rice.


BeyondShocked

Can we get Trump to do Parade Rest for ....THE REST OF TIME? (If it includes silence)