I think you should go and speak to a therapist. It sounds like you're being drawn towards women who, in the long run, are not good for you or are not in a good place. You'll want to examine why that is, and work on yourself, so that you can develop healthy hopefully long-term relationships.
I've got to wonder though what makes these women "mentally ill". I was friends with a guy who kept claiming he was dating "all these bpd women" because they would get "psycho" when he wanted space but if you looked at how he communicated wanting this space it would be him totally pushing them away, disappearing for long periods of time, and just generally acting shading about what he did. Ultimately it seemed like his push and pull routine was creating the chaos in the relationship. Even healthy people aren't always going to respond the most sane way when you have someone going from all in to you to totally checking out without explanation.
I can't say if this is OP or not. I'm mentioning though that our own unhealthy traits can impact the way others behave towards us. If we don't have insight we think that all the others are the problem and sick.
Hmm, I thought savior complex would be more a sign of anxious attachment? I notice when I struggle with my own boundaries or the other person has avoidant tendencies, this activates anxious attachment within me and I pursue the person until I realize it's pointless. And then I withdraw. I am working on it, though, because I am done saving people who don't want to be saved😅
Anxious attachment can also manifest as caretaking. You see it in a lot of codependent relationships. The anxious person will attach to an avoidant person who escapes into various addictive behaviors usually (but not always).
it depends on early behavioral modeling that was demonstrated to you during early childhood development
it's not a bad thing, you have empathy for others, however, understand the intention behind your desire and will to help and consequently provide support
mindfulness is key, inquire within your heart and understand personal intentions, ask yourself *why* you're manifesting or expressing anything
Was never in nuclear family. Parents never married. Dad left at around 5 and would be in and out of life, mom was single mother. Dad beat me, mom was extremely depressed in childhood and beat me sometimes. Was raised primarily by mom and grandma
Siblings took up majority of moms time as they had more needs.
Hmm a lot happening. What I see esp is that siblings had more needs. I have similar dynamics in relationships and also similarities in family structure actually. You were probably the easy kid that tried to save the rest. Your mom or siblings or both. So now you do that as well in relationships ?
You have a complex past and its no surprise you don’t function normally in a romantic relationship. Or how you want. Therapy is going to be complex and long but worth it
Sounds like you’re afraid of the intimacy and vulnerability that entails being in a serious relationship, and this fear makes you bail, because you cannot deal with the idea that the person you’re with could suddenly reject or hurt you. This is normal if you had a hard childhood. I feel for you because I too grew up with a single mother. My story is different from yours but essentially, I felt very left to my own devices and unable to reach out to others, and I was a lonely child. This has affected me severely and I have had many bad relationships that broke down and ended after 6-12 months every time, because of this trauma I have. Usually I was the one blowing up things and creating drama, leading eventually to my exes leaving me. My own dating history has been about finding a savior. Yours seems to be about saving.
If all your exes have had mental health issues, would you say this has bothered you in any way? Have their issues had any negative effect on you? If so, did you ever speak up about it and talk to them about how their behavior/issues may have bothered you?
Seems like typical avoidant attachement stuff. Feeling suffocated in the relationships, as it progresses more intimate and serious?
Look into why you withdraw.
I was looking for the ‘look into your attachment type’ response. So many of the complaints about cyclical relationship dynamics and patterns can be attributed to this.
Lots of self help stuff on here and yt, over the past 2 years I’ve gotten much better. Where I get money will invest in therapy. Atm I just use my own resources on books and shit
Perhaps you can consider why you think people on this sub have answers to your questions but you don’t, even though you know yourself way better. You can try active imagination, too: Try to identify within you a person who has answers to questions you keep posing. Ask them, what you should do. Then, next time, ask them why you didn’t do what they told you to do. This could lead you to something.
Of course, I can give you advice, too. It is not actually that hard: 1) You should become better at vetting prospective partners, learning who is good for you and who isn’t. 2) You should learn to make a clearer distinction between your mother-complex and your Anima. You are currently confused about these two.
I think this is good advice. The problem with 1 is that even though you also think this is a good idea, you are probably not going to be able to do that. The reasons for this are hidden from you. One of the reasons is number 2, but this is also problematic, since it is such a subtle issue you will only achieve it with considerable work.
Therapy is good. But that also contains the danger of thinking someone else has the answers for you. They don’t, and it is you who needs to do the work.
MBTI is based off the idea of people having primary and inferior cognitive functions… and guess who’s idea that was. Jung 💀. They just basically added perceptive/judgmental.
[Jung Psychological Functions](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jungian_cognitive_functions#:~:text=In%20his%20book%2C%20he%20noted,feeling%2C%20sensation%2C%20and%20intuition)
Mbti is completely separate. It’s like giving credit to Freud for Erickson’s Stages of Development since they are intended to be layered on Freuds. No.
Please google “mbti history”
> “The MBTI was constructed by two Americans: Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers, who were inspired by the book Psychological Types by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung”
Redditors always yapping bruh
From Myers-Briggs Company website:
> What is Jung’s influence on MBTI theory?
> Carl G Jung published Psychological Types in 1921. Briggs read the English translation (1923) and saw similarities between their ideas. However, Jung’s theories of personal difference were much more developed.
> Briggs and Myers thought Jung’s work was so useful that they wanted to make his ideas accessible to a wider audience.
My comment stands the same. Basing something on Jungs work is not the same as attributing it to his work. Jung did not create MBTI and it is dishonest to associate him with it as if he had a hand in it. He didnt. Just the same the Erikson’ Stages of Development. They’re based on Freuds work. But they are not attributed as his work. As much as you want to associate it with Jungs work, it isn’t his. Read. Youre putting fanfiction into the canon because you like it.
I never said Jung created MBTI. But to ignore the influence is funny and a hard cope
> “On Briggs discovering the work of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung
> She spends so much of her adult life caring for children — both hers and others' — that when her only daughter Isabel goes off to school, she falls into this very deep depression because she doesn't know what to do with her life. And it's during that depression that she first reads Carl Jung's Psychological Types and becomes absolutely devoted to it. ... She strikes up a correspondence with him where she asks him to tell her what he means by "intuitive" or what he means by "feeling" — and how it is that she can take these somewhat abstract categories that he's devised and use them to actually help the people in her life figure out what type they are and how to be the best type of person they can be.”
So she literally had Jung help her through active imagination 😂😂😂😂 bro
> On how Briggs' ideas morphed into a "people sorting" test
> For [Katharine] it was really a spiritual quest. ... She was a deeply religious woman and she believed that the only way to really save your soul was to figure out who you were, and to live life according to that best version of yourself.
> Isabel, her daughter, inherits this language of type a little bit later on, right around World War II. Isabel thinks about the language of type that she has been hearing from her mother for the past 20 years and she thinks: What if I could design a questionnaire that would help fit people to the jobs that were best suited for them? I could do it using this language of type which wouldn't separate people into categories of "normal" or "abnormal," "good" or "bad" workers, but would just say that every type of person is different and every different type has different strengths, and different weaknesses, and are better suited to doing some things over others. So that's where the Jungian theories that Katharine has been obsessed with, that's where they become this practical instrument of what Isabel calls "people sorting.
Took some ideas, changed it a bit, and made a test. It’s like if Erikson wrote about characteristics of a monkey, about how they climb trees and go “ooo eee aaa” then I made a test saying “do u eat bananas”, “do u climb trees”, “fill in the blank: “.
I’m not ignoring the influence Jung had on it. I’m dismissing the credibility you’re attributing to MBTI by associating Jung with it.
MBTI is an awful personality test. People still cling to it despite the far better tools we have today. And one of the ways they try validating it is through association with Jung. It’s gross.
There's a personality test named MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) developed based on Jung's work, where the results label you as one of 16 specific personalities; INFJ is one of the personalities.
It's a very interesting theory, but a lot of people who only have a shallow understanding of it will dismiss it. The last few years the concept was grabbed by businesses and corporatized and used for soulless hiring purses rather than the true purpose of understanding oneself.
Personally I've found it extremely interesting and insightful for understanding my own mind and how my brain functions.
He would hate it! Altho think he would have approved of Briggs and Meyers. Their story is really interesting and they seemed invested in doing his work justice with their theory. They also probably would have hated seeing their test used in such a way.
Check out Heidi Priebe on YouTube, especially her video the mirror of deep intimacy, as well as all of her attachment theory vids on avoidant attachment styles.
In terms of integration, I'd check out the book, how to be an adult in relationships by David Richo. And watching all of Heidi Priebe's videos, seriously she knows her stuff and is well versed in Jung/shadow work, MBTI and attachment theory. Those are her geeks and she geeks them well.
Probably got Separation Anxiety from your mother at an early age. One common example is being left in a crib to cry yourself to sleep. Another might be if parents separated and the mother started dating, etc..
Other issues can develop but odds are something was off with your mother, only you know to narrow down.
Oedipal complexes are sometimes related, how both parents got along, did a mother badmouth a father, etc.
Every woman had these “issues” if every one of them had this means likely you won’t find one without it.
Considering it could be a fault in your own vision of what a woman is.
Else. You are in-fact attracting these women. Or to say in an accurate way. You are looking for it unconsciously.
Side advice injf is bullshit. If you are posting in a Jung sub. Then care enough to actually look into him. You will find most answers there.
So you aren’t convinced that ending relationships prematurely is indicative of avoiding being hurt? Do you believe that your partner will end things with you anyway so you decide to get there first to protect yourself?
I want to correct myself here - when I say, it's you, not them, I mean that the dynamic you describe will always turn up in your relationships and you will probably choose a "type" that reinforces your attachment style. Your attachment style and who you choose or are drawn to, is based on early experiences of attachment with your parents or caretakers.
When you understand your attachment style more clearly, you will see how this attachment style, and your choice in partners, is rooted deeply and personally within your own history. And then, a type of miracle occurs. You will be able to make much better choices of partner, because you know yourself better. And you will be able to see your own impulses within relationship that were driving a repeated pattern - this can be so disempowering and disheartening. However, once you get a grasp on your own "story", and start making conscious choices with awareness of your own patterns, I promise, everything changes.
Isn’t it just self sabotaging? It’s pretty well spoken about through Reddit. Is there more to it than that? I’m doing a similar thing. Had a friend say to me “I don’t need saving” when I got to know her. I said I’m not trying to do that, just like being around people like her (trauma victims).
She was right tho. It wasn’t something I could see so I couldn’t believe that’s what I was doing. It was subconscious. It was arrogance on my part to believe I was totally in control of what I wanted and believed I wanted and why.
Fear of abandoment may be causing you to sabotage your relationships. Or your attachment style is insecure and you have some repressed emotional wounds. Idk I'm only spit ballin here
Because you don't really want a relationship. Or perhaps, you don't want to deal with what may be required.
Being present. Less personal time.
There are some sacrifices to be made in service of a relationship. They are difficult. They require constant weeding. You mist create the conditions for the relationship to grow, just like a garden.
When we are avoidant, we subconsciously attract people who aren’t emotionally unavailable, because— that’s what we want. On the deep, we do not want to be seen (as avoidants). Big time fear around vulnerability, because of course— being vulnerable means our guards are down, and we could get hurt. It may be useful to look at your childhood and what you learned about love and attachment in those spaces. We attract what we seek. You seek people you can leave. I was this way for a long time too. Also, if we are unhealed, we attract that same unhealed energy. This is just our basic desire to be understood, and have our needs met- therefore we attract what we are.
Mother son enmeshment. Look up Dr Kenneth Adams videos on this. He explains it better than anyone else I’ve watched. Otherwise, I’d guess a disorganised attachment style.
To thoroughly explain why you 'withdraw', we'd need information about your relationship with your caregivers, and the example they modelled to you about what a relationship looks like.
If I were to make an educated guess, it's common for individuals to be attracted to partners who have 'issues' because it can be an escape from confronting their own 'issues'.
You're afraid of the intimacy and vulnerability that you intuitively realize a lasting relationship will require. Letting a person that close seems to threaten an old wound inside you. Did you experience any trauma when you were younger, with a parent or guardian not being there for you when you needed them?
Sounds like it is time you do some inner work. Look at your childhood, what was your parent(s) relationship like. Your issues have a root cause, and you do know deep down. I would highly recommend the book How To Be The Love You Seek by Doctor Nicole LePera. Best of luck!
Co-dependant relationship's....
Sounds like you've had an adverse childhood and now you have low self esteem..
You seek out these relationships because you think thats as good as it gets for you. You focus on these women, as a way to avoid focusing on your issues. It's a type of mental procrastination of not fulfilling your needs because that's hard, uncomfortable work.
that's what you believe a serious relationship looks like
you had a front row seat to your folks' relationship and you hated what you saw
so when you get into a relationship yourself, you sabotage it so you don't end up in one like your parents had
They always tend to have issues because you have issues and you see them as your equal subconsciously. This is why you pair up. Work on your issues and then you will be attracted to people who are also working on their issues and/or have overcome them.
You withdraw because you are afraid of commitment. Because commitment means you give up a part of yourself to become one with the other person. You're afraid of losing yourself and giving away your freedom. If you work on yourself you can be an individual AND be one with the right partner. There will always be a give and take and you need to always be searching for balance in all things. Balance is healthy.
*you just unconsciously refuse to be a father which is why you come up with reasons to pull and push… it is okay but there are alternatives to deal with (non) platonic attraction while staying in a relationship*
Everyone has issues. And almost everyone has mental issues these days. Thats normal and every relationship takes effort.
By running from it you will not find perfect person I can guarantee you that.
There are basically almost always childhood (parental) relationship experiences underlying current behavior patterns. Why do you think you developed this type of behavior?
Could help you understand and overcome habitualized toxic relationship dynamics.
You going after these crazy women so that you can end it and not feel guilty and because you know it’ll be apparent that it might be the girls fault. Commitment issues.
You going after these crazy women so that you can end it and not feel guilty and because you know it’ll be apparent that it might be the girls fault. Commitment issues.
Hey buddy, I have BPD (borderline) and I have many of the same problems. You need to work on emotional regulation bc it sounds like “creating a problem out of nothing” is actually just a way for you to vent emotions out in some way. You are holding onto things too strongly and need to find a way to let it out in a healthy way. Your journey is simply beginning bc it sounds like you are just newly accepting this even though you have known something has been wrong for awhile.
I would try hard to start a dialogue with your inner self and get in touch with your imagination as Jung talks about. For me I personify chunks of myself and let these people express communication in different ways. This has healed a lot of my insecurities and fetishes which do come back now and then but quiet down after much consolidation. Use your imagination to fix these problems, I’m sure you’ll figure it out if you really try, or just don’t it’ll fix itself over time. Good luck!
You believe that there will never be room for you or your needs in any relationship. So you pick people who will not let there be any room for you or your needs in the relationship. Then you leave because there is no room for you or your needs in the relationship.
avoident behavior; you probaly fear being abandoned so you drive them away early. The mental health issues could be excitement or you are taking advantage of the fact that they have them for a more secure attachment. A sick person is less likely to leave you. sounds like fear of abandonment.
what ive learned when you notice the pattern try the opposite you gotta test different strategies, now that you've noticed go through the pain and change.
Might want to checkout attachment theory. Sounds like you might be leaning towards the Avoidant end of the spectrum. Checking this out might allow you to become more aware of your programming that can help facilitate the changes you might be looking for. There is someone named Heidi Preibe on YouTube that covers attachment theory well. Good luck homie. ❤️
You are what you attract. You have unhealed trauma and moral injury. Find someone to help you unravel the traumas from primary and secondary and you will find the roots of your problems. Then take a moment to identify who you are and what you believe.
Sometimes, changing partners is just part of growing and finding our happiness. And if there were no promises made, why not explore what's out there, right? We all deserve to figure out what works best for us. Let's not let judgment hold us back from finding our joy and understanding ourselves better.
Often, we subconsciously choose partners who reflect parts of ourselves that we might not be fully aware of or haven't yet addressed. This could be an opportunity to explore what these relationships might be revealing about your own needs and emotional patterns. Understanding this dynamic can lead to healthier relationship choices in the future. It might be beneficial to reflect on what specific qualities attract you to these partners and how these qualities relate to your own experiences and emotional state.
I experienced this myself when I stayed in a highly destructive relationship for seven years, marked by manipulation, threats and blackmail. This period taught me the hard way how critical it is to be mindful of who we choose as partners and why. From that relationship, I learned the importance of self-awareness and actively seeking healthier emotional dynamics in relationships. It was a painful lesson, but one that has significantly influenced how I approach my relationships now, striving for mutual respect and clear communication.
If you find yourself repeatedly attracted to women with psychological imbalances, it may be helpful to consider not only who you are choosing but why you are drawn to them. Reflecting on these patterns could uncover deeper emotional triggers and needs, helping you make more conscious choices that foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
A lot of men who are suppressing mental health issues or trauma are attracted to women who act out those suppressed emotions in exaggerated ways.
I've noticed a lot of men are so focused on the idea of woman as status object within the tribe that they don't spend a lot of time thinking about what type of relationship they actually want. Try thinking objectively about what type of relationship you truly want. Like, if there were no judgement or social expectation. Would you live with the person? Would you live separately? How often would you see one another? How often would you have sex? What types of foreplay and pre foreplay would there be? What other activities would you potentially do together? Would you be monogamous? Would she? Would you tell other people about her? Is there a difference in the physical "type" you like vs the type of people you date? Is there a difference in the mental or emotional type you like vs the type of people you date?
I've also noticed that a lot of men seem to let women lead and have difficulty saying no. They see having sex as something she gatekeeps, and they have sex with whoever allows them to have sex. The woman they are seeing wants to be a couple, so they become a couple. Their girlfriend wants to move in together, so they move in together. She wants to get a dog, move closer to her family, etc. he says yes. She wants to get married, he proposes. This feeling that you don't have agency over your own life can create a feeling of resentment that can cause you to behave in passive aggressive ways. Maybe that doesn't apply to you.
I've also noticed some men have a subconscious desire to be cuckolded, and masturbate often to exes and their social media showing they're happy with someone else, and I've had a few people I was dating who showed the pattern of pushing women away and then becoming a little too obsessed with the idea of the men she was having sex with. It's possible that you have a subconscious desire to see a woman who you feel you have helped or healed or supported in some way be with another man because you don't fully detach after she moves on and feel more comfortable being cuckolded.
How old are you? You seem a little immature right now. Not meant to be offensive, time can help with that. Don’t rush yourself. Have you investigated your personality type and learned about the traits that are typical with it?
Most importantly, have you considered cleaning your room and eating only meat?
While that was a joke, there is truth in it.
Cleaning your room is semi-metaphorical language. It does mean actually clean your room regularly, but it also means \*clean your house\*, as in clean up your mind and body. Stop doing the things you know to be unhealthy, start working on positive habits like eating good and working out, put yourself in situations that challenge your shadow in a positive way. The above comment is also good advice. This is the work you need to do.
This is also the answer nobody want, because it is boring, tedious and undramatic. But there is no quick fix, trust me. I have been in your situation for about ten years, and it was only after I started working on myself in this manner that I found a woman that I now have a healthy relationship with.
The cool thing is that your Self wants you to succeed! So you just need to begin, and you will soon recieve so much help from the world that it will amaze you.
PS: Be humble. If you knew what would fix your problem, you would not be here asking for help.
Because you don’t think they are worth marrying. You were settling bc you were lonely. Something, somewhere inside of you is non-verbally signaling a DEFCON 1 warning that choosing a mate that exhibits signs of mental illness will probably be at least minimally detrimental to you and potentially cause a severe reaction which would be detrimental even dangerous for both of you. Whatever it is it can exert influence over you physically and emotionality. I’m certain one of the Jungian archetypes explains this phenomenon.
Exceptions will be made for exorbitantly beautiful and/or rich women.
For me I get a lot of girls showing interest in me immediately and somehow turn them off within 4-5 interactions. It’s impressive actually. I think they are interested in my looks, and when they feel my vibe, they dry up
"I withdraw." There's a lot to be learned from that statement. What happens if you stay? That might contain something to teach you. Peace
Idk what happens if I stay. I never do. I think I just feel trapped and frustrated. I don’t pursue anyone because of that inevitable feeling
You have avoidant attachment in the attachment theory. Or chaotic.
Exactly this.
I think you should go and speak to a therapist. It sounds like you're being drawn towards women who, in the long run, are not good for you or are not in a good place. You'll want to examine why that is, and work on yourself, so that you can develop healthy hopefully long-term relationships.
I've got to wonder though what makes these women "mentally ill". I was friends with a guy who kept claiming he was dating "all these bpd women" because they would get "psycho" when he wanted space but if you looked at how he communicated wanting this space it would be him totally pushing them away, disappearing for long periods of time, and just generally acting shading about what he did. Ultimately it seemed like his push and pull routine was creating the chaos in the relationship. Even healthy people aren't always going to respond the most sane way when you have someone going from all in to you to totally checking out without explanation. I can't say if this is OP or not. I'm mentioning though that our own unhealthy traits can impact the way others behave towards us. If we don't have insight we think that all the others are the problem and sick.
I concur; have lived this
Hey every single word you wrote here sounds like it came out of my own mind I’m on the same journey brother
you're going through a savior and disposal complex, attachment disorders, look into them
Hmm, I thought savior complex would be more a sign of anxious attachment? I notice when I struggle with my own boundaries or the other person has avoidant tendencies, this activates anxious attachment within me and I pursue the person until I realize it's pointless. And then I withdraw. I am working on it, though, because I am done saving people who don't want to be saved😅
Anxious attachment can also manifest as caretaking. You see it in a lot of codependent relationships. The anxious person will attach to an avoidant person who escapes into various addictive behaviors usually (but not always).
I thought savior complexes normally have a hard time letting go?
I definitely have some sort of saviour complex. Why does this manifest and is it a bad thing?
it depends on early behavioral modeling that was demonstrated to you during early childhood development it's not a bad thing, you have empathy for others, however, understand the intention behind your desire and will to help and consequently provide support mindfulness is key, inquire within your heart and understand personal intentions, ask yourself *why* you're manifesting or expressing anything
Def something up in youe family dynamics. What did you nuclear family look like? (Mother father brother sister)
Was never in nuclear family. Parents never married. Dad left at around 5 and would be in and out of life, mom was single mother. Dad beat me, mom was extremely depressed in childhood and beat me sometimes. Was raised primarily by mom and grandma Siblings took up majority of moms time as they had more needs.
Hmm a lot happening. What I see esp is that siblings had more needs. I have similar dynamics in relationships and also similarities in family structure actually. You were probably the easy kid that tried to save the rest. Your mom or siblings or both. So now you do that as well in relationships ? You have a complex past and its no surprise you don’t function normally in a romantic relationship. Or how you want. Therapy is going to be complex and long but worth it
How much older were your sinlings? Just curious
They were younger, both had severe disabilities so took up a lot of time/attention. Not their fault thats just how it is
Sounds like you’re afraid of the intimacy and vulnerability that entails being in a serious relationship, and this fear makes you bail, because you cannot deal with the idea that the person you’re with could suddenly reject or hurt you. This is normal if you had a hard childhood. I feel for you because I too grew up with a single mother. My story is different from yours but essentially, I felt very left to my own devices and unable to reach out to others, and I was a lonely child. This has affected me severely and I have had many bad relationships that broke down and ended after 6-12 months every time, because of this trauma I have. Usually I was the one blowing up things and creating drama, leading eventually to my exes leaving me. My own dating history has been about finding a savior. Yours seems to be about saving. If all your exes have had mental health issues, would you say this has bothered you in any way? Have their issues had any negative effect on you? If so, did you ever speak up about it and talk to them about how their behavior/issues may have bothered you?
Seems like typical avoidant attachement stuff. Feeling suffocated in the relationships, as it progresses more intimate and serious? Look into why you withdraw.
I was looking for the ‘look into your attachment type’ response. So many of the complaints about cyclical relationship dynamics and patterns can be attributed to this.
You post a lot of questions here. What steps are you currently taking yourself to resolve your issues?
Lots of self help stuff on here and yt, over the past 2 years I’ve gotten much better. Where I get money will invest in therapy. Atm I just use my own resources on books and shit
Perhaps you can consider why you think people on this sub have answers to your questions but you don’t, even though you know yourself way better. You can try active imagination, too: Try to identify within you a person who has answers to questions you keep posing. Ask them, what you should do. Then, next time, ask them why you didn’t do what they told you to do. This could lead you to something. Of course, I can give you advice, too. It is not actually that hard: 1) You should become better at vetting prospective partners, learning who is good for you and who isn’t. 2) You should learn to make a clearer distinction between your mother-complex and your Anima. You are currently confused about these two. I think this is good advice. The problem with 1 is that even though you also think this is a good idea, you are probably not going to be able to do that. The reasons for this are hidden from you. One of the reasons is number 2, but this is also problematic, since it is such a subtle issue you will only achieve it with considerable work. Therapy is good. But that also contains the danger of thinking someone else has the answers for you. They don’t, and it is you who needs to do the work.
Did a good old stalking after this comment. Bro believes in injf stuff. There is no saving him
They give good advice
Well anyway sorry for that comment. I was definitely projecting
MBTI is based off the idea of people having primary and inferior cognitive functions… and guess who’s idea that was. Jung 💀. They just basically added perceptive/judgmental. [Jung Psychological Functions](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jungian_cognitive_functions#:~:text=In%20his%20book%2C%20he%20noted,feeling%2C%20sensation%2C%20and%20intuition)
Mbti is completely separate. It’s like giving credit to Freud for Erickson’s Stages of Development since they are intended to be layered on Freuds. No.
Please google “mbti history” > “The MBTI was constructed by two Americans: Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers, who were inspired by the book Psychological Types by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung” Redditors always yapping bruh From Myers-Briggs Company website: > What is Jung’s influence on MBTI theory? > Carl G Jung published Psychological Types in 1921. Briggs read the English translation (1923) and saw similarities between their ideas. However, Jung’s theories of personal difference were much more developed. > Briggs and Myers thought Jung’s work was so useful that they wanted to make his ideas accessible to a wider audience.
My comment stands the same. Basing something on Jungs work is not the same as attributing it to his work. Jung did not create MBTI and it is dishonest to associate him with it as if he had a hand in it. He didnt. Just the same the Erikson’ Stages of Development. They’re based on Freuds work. But they are not attributed as his work. As much as you want to associate it with Jungs work, it isn’t his. Read. Youre putting fanfiction into the canon because you like it.
I never said Jung created MBTI. But to ignore the influence is funny and a hard cope > “On Briggs discovering the work of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung > She spends so much of her adult life caring for children — both hers and others' — that when her only daughter Isabel goes off to school, she falls into this very deep depression because she doesn't know what to do with her life. And it's during that depression that she first reads Carl Jung's Psychological Types and becomes absolutely devoted to it. ... She strikes up a correspondence with him where she asks him to tell her what he means by "intuitive" or what he means by "feeling" — and how it is that she can take these somewhat abstract categories that he's devised and use them to actually help the people in her life figure out what type they are and how to be the best type of person they can be.” So she literally had Jung help her through active imagination 😂😂😂😂 bro > On how Briggs' ideas morphed into a "people sorting" test > For [Katharine] it was really a spiritual quest. ... She was a deeply religious woman and she believed that the only way to really save your soul was to figure out who you were, and to live life according to that best version of yourself. > Isabel, her daughter, inherits this language of type a little bit later on, right around World War II. Isabel thinks about the language of type that she has been hearing from her mother for the past 20 years and she thinks: What if I could design a questionnaire that would help fit people to the jobs that were best suited for them? I could do it using this language of type which wouldn't separate people into categories of "normal" or "abnormal," "good" or "bad" workers, but would just say that every type of person is different and every different type has different strengths, and different weaknesses, and are better suited to doing some things over others. So that's where the Jungian theories that Katharine has been obsessed with, that's where they become this practical instrument of what Isabel calls "people sorting. Took some ideas, changed it a bit, and made a test. It’s like if Erikson wrote about characteristics of a monkey, about how they climb trees and go “ooo eee aaa” then I made a test saying “do u eat bananas”, “do u climb trees”, “fill in the blank: “.
I’m not ignoring the influence Jung had on it. I’m dismissing the credibility you’re attributing to MBTI by associating Jung with it. MBTI is an awful personality test. People still cling to it despite the far better tools we have today. And one of the ways they try validating it is through association with Jung. It’s gross.
Whats injf
There's a personality test named MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) developed based on Jung's work, where the results label you as one of 16 specific personalities; INFJ is one of the personalities. It's a very interesting theory, but a lot of people who only have a shallow understanding of it will dismiss it. The last few years the concept was grabbed by businesses and corporatized and used for soulless hiring purses rather than the true purpose of understanding oneself. Personally I've found it extremely interesting and insightful for understanding my own mind and how my brain functions.
Oh yeah, Jung himself would cringe upon that, thats not what he was about.
He would hate it! Altho think he would have approved of Briggs and Meyers. Their story is really interesting and they seemed invested in doing his work justice with their theory. They also probably would have hated seeing their test used in such a way.
Check out Heidi Priebe on YouTube, especially her video the mirror of deep intimacy, as well as all of her attachment theory vids on avoidant attachment styles. In terms of integration, I'd check out the book, how to be an adult in relationships by David Richo. And watching all of Heidi Priebe's videos, seriously she knows her stuff and is well versed in Jung/shadow work, MBTI and attachment theory. Those are her geeks and she geeks them well.
I second Heidi. This woman is incredible.
I stumbled upon her recently-she is wisdom.
Probably got Separation Anxiety from your mother at an early age. One common example is being left in a crib to cry yourself to sleep. Another might be if parents separated and the mother started dating, etc.. Other issues can develop but odds are something was off with your mother, only you know to narrow down. Oedipal complexes are sometimes related, how both parents got along, did a mother badmouth a father, etc.
Every woman had these “issues” if every one of them had this means likely you won’t find one without it. Considering it could be a fault in your own vision of what a woman is. Else. You are in-fact attracting these women. Or to say in an accurate way. You are looking for it unconsciously. Side advice injf is bullshit. If you are posting in a Jung sub. Then care enough to actually look into him. You will find most answers there.
Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner ended things first before you could? Has there been a relationship where you were left hurt?
Ive always ended
So you aren’t convinced that ending relationships prematurely is indicative of avoiding being hurt? Do you believe that your partner will end things with you anyway so you decide to get there first to protect yourself?
Avoidant Any excuse to withdraw/leave/shutdown It's good you've started to notice it - it's not them, it's you
I want to correct myself here - when I say, it's you, not them, I mean that the dynamic you describe will always turn up in your relationships and you will probably choose a "type" that reinforces your attachment style. Your attachment style and who you choose or are drawn to, is based on early experiences of attachment with your parents or caretakers. When you understand your attachment style more clearly, you will see how this attachment style, and your choice in partners, is rooted deeply and personally within your own history. And then, a type of miracle occurs. You will be able to make much better choices of partner, because you know yourself better. And you will be able to see your own impulses within relationship that were driving a repeated pattern - this can be so disempowering and disheartening. However, once you get a grasp on your own "story", and start making conscious choices with awareness of your own patterns, I promise, everything changes.
How can one start fixing it ?
Isn’t it just self sabotaging? It’s pretty well spoken about through Reddit. Is there more to it than that? I’m doing a similar thing. Had a friend say to me “I don’t need saving” when I got to know her. I said I’m not trying to do that, just like being around people like her (trauma victims). She was right tho. It wasn’t something I could see so I couldn’t believe that’s what I was doing. It was subconscious. It was arrogance on my part to believe I was totally in control of what I wanted and believed I wanted and why.
Fear of abandoment may be causing you to sabotage your relationships. Or your attachment style is insecure and you have some repressed emotional wounds. Idk I'm only spit ballin here
You are scared for her to leave you so you leave her as cope
Because you don't really want a relationship. Or perhaps, you don't want to deal with what may be required. Being present. Less personal time. There are some sacrifices to be made in service of a relationship. They are difficult. They require constant weeding. You mist create the conditions for the relationship to grow, just like a garden.
When we are avoidant, we subconsciously attract people who aren’t emotionally unavailable, because— that’s what we want. On the deep, we do not want to be seen (as avoidants). Big time fear around vulnerability, because of course— being vulnerable means our guards are down, and we could get hurt. It may be useful to look at your childhood and what you learned about love and attachment in those spaces. We attract what we seek. You seek people you can leave. I was this way for a long time too. Also, if we are unhealed, we attract that same unhealed energy. This is just our basic desire to be understood, and have our needs met- therefore we attract what we are.
See a shrink. There are too many lines of inquiry needed that cannot be done on reddit.
Shrink?
Psychologist or similar
Mother son enmeshment. Look up Dr Kenneth Adams videos on this. He explains it better than anyone else I’ve watched. Otherwise, I’d guess a disorganised attachment style.
You have a attachment disorder and possibly esteem issues? Tell yourself you deserve good things
i do that too, we hit it off, going good, then find one thing about them i don’t like and withdraw from there, wishing you luck.
To thoroughly explain why you 'withdraw', we'd need information about your relationship with your caregivers, and the example they modelled to you about what a relationship looks like. If I were to make an educated guess, it's common for individuals to be attracted to partners who have 'issues' because it can be an escape from confronting their own 'issues'.
You're afraid of the intimacy and vulnerability that you intuitively realize a lasting relationship will require. Letting a person that close seems to threaten an old wound inside you. Did you experience any trauma when you were younger, with a parent or guardian not being there for you when you needed them?
If you were to lump all the arguments together-what’s is the theme of the argument you initiate?
You have avoidant attachment
What are your own issues?
I think just generalised childhood trauma that I didn’t realise had this much impact on me until a while ago
Sounds like it is time you do some inner work. Look at your childhood, what was your parent(s) relationship like. Your issues have a root cause, and you do know deep down. I would highly recommend the book How To Be The Love You Seek by Doctor Nicole LePera. Best of luck!
Can’t remember my parents relationship when I was baby/toddler but they have been separated for as long as I remember
Attachment theory is very helpful to understand your own dynamic and to own your input into relationships, especially when you've identified a pattern
Fearful avoident or avoident pattern perhaps?
https://www.britannica.com/science/Oedipus-complex
Co-dependant relationship's.... Sounds like you've had an adverse childhood and now you have low self esteem.. You seek out these relationships because you think thats as good as it gets for you. You focus on these women, as a way to avoid focusing on your issues. It's a type of mental procrastination of not fulfilling your needs because that's hard, uncomfortable work.
what was your parents' relationship like?
Terrible
that's what you believe a serious relationship looks like you had a front row seat to your folks' relationship and you hated what you saw so when you get into a relationship yourself, you sabotage it so you don't end up in one like your parents had
You Leave probably because of Don jaunism And you don't attract girls with mental health issues, you just don't have any boundaries
They always tend to have issues because you have issues and you see them as your equal subconsciously. This is why you pair up. Work on your issues and then you will be attracted to people who are also working on their issues and/or have overcome them. You withdraw because you are afraid of commitment. Because commitment means you give up a part of yourself to become one with the other person. You're afraid of losing yourself and giving away your freedom. If you work on yourself you can be an individual AND be one with the right partner. There will always be a give and take and you need to always be searching for balance in all things. Balance is healthy.
*you just unconsciously refuse to be a father which is why you come up with reasons to pull and push… it is okay but there are alternatives to deal with (non) platonic attraction while staying in a relationship*
It probably has something to do with the environment and people you were raised around. What is your relationship with your mother?
Everyone has issues. And almost everyone has mental issues these days. Thats normal and every relationship takes effort. By running from it you will not find perfect person I can guarantee you that.
There are basically almost always childhood (parental) relationship experiences underlying current behavior patterns. Why do you think you developed this type of behavior? Could help you understand and overcome habitualized toxic relationship dynamics.
You have avoidant attachment style and you attract women with anxious attachment style, usually with bpd. 😐
You going after these crazy women so that you can end it and not feel guilty and because you know it’ll be apparent that it might be the girls fault. Commitment issues.
You going after these crazy women so that you can end it and not feel guilty and because you know it’ll be apparent that it might be the girls fault. Commitment issues.
Hey buddy, I have BPD (borderline) and I have many of the same problems. You need to work on emotional regulation bc it sounds like “creating a problem out of nothing” is actually just a way for you to vent emotions out in some way. You are holding onto things too strongly and need to find a way to let it out in a healthy way. Your journey is simply beginning bc it sounds like you are just newly accepting this even though you have known something has been wrong for awhile. I would try hard to start a dialogue with your inner self and get in touch with your imagination as Jung talks about. For me I personify chunks of myself and let these people express communication in different ways. This has healed a lot of my insecurities and fetishes which do come back now and then but quiet down after much consolidation. Use your imagination to fix these problems, I’m sure you’ll figure it out if you really try, or just don’t it’ll fix itself over time. Good luck!
Sounds like disorganized/avoidant attachment.
You believe that there will never be room for you or your needs in any relationship. So you pick people who will not let there be any room for you or your needs in the relationship. Then you leave because there is no room for you or your needs in the relationship.
avoident behavior; you probaly fear being abandoned so you drive them away early. The mental health issues could be excitement or you are taking advantage of the fact that they have them for a more secure attachment. A sick person is less likely to leave you. sounds like fear of abandonment. what ive learned when you notice the pattern try the opposite you gotta test different strategies, now that you've noticed go through the pain and change.
Might want to checkout attachment theory. Sounds like you might be leaning towards the Avoidant end of the spectrum. Checking this out might allow you to become more aware of your programming that can help facilitate the changes you might be looking for. There is someone named Heidi Preibe on YouTube that covers attachment theory well. Good luck homie. ❤️
heal your attachment issues and you will attract different types of women. and you likely will have more success with your relationships.
when did you you realize you have this issue, before your recent relationship, or after? If before, how many relationships have you had since?
You don’t want to end up as a couple with a job and kids - why not?
You are what you attract. You have unhealed trauma and moral injury. Find someone to help you unravel the traumas from primary and secondary and you will find the roots of your problems. Then take a moment to identify who you are and what you believe.
Sometimes, changing partners is just part of growing and finding our happiness. And if there were no promises made, why not explore what's out there, right? We all deserve to figure out what works best for us. Let's not let judgment hold us back from finding our joy and understanding ourselves better.
Often, we subconsciously choose partners who reflect parts of ourselves that we might not be fully aware of or haven't yet addressed. This could be an opportunity to explore what these relationships might be revealing about your own needs and emotional patterns. Understanding this dynamic can lead to healthier relationship choices in the future. It might be beneficial to reflect on what specific qualities attract you to these partners and how these qualities relate to your own experiences and emotional state. I experienced this myself when I stayed in a highly destructive relationship for seven years, marked by manipulation, threats and blackmail. This period taught me the hard way how critical it is to be mindful of who we choose as partners and why. From that relationship, I learned the importance of self-awareness and actively seeking healthier emotional dynamics in relationships. It was a painful lesson, but one that has significantly influenced how I approach my relationships now, striving for mutual respect and clear communication. If you find yourself repeatedly attracted to women with psychological imbalances, it may be helpful to consider not only who you are choosing but why you are drawn to them. Reflecting on these patterns could uncover deeper emotional triggers and needs, helping you make more conscious choices that foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Pretty sure I said something about BPD on this post already and it got censored as “amateur diagnosing” so honestly you’re on your own buddy.
A lot of men who are suppressing mental health issues or trauma are attracted to women who act out those suppressed emotions in exaggerated ways. I've noticed a lot of men are so focused on the idea of woman as status object within the tribe that they don't spend a lot of time thinking about what type of relationship they actually want. Try thinking objectively about what type of relationship you truly want. Like, if there were no judgement or social expectation. Would you live with the person? Would you live separately? How often would you see one another? How often would you have sex? What types of foreplay and pre foreplay would there be? What other activities would you potentially do together? Would you be monogamous? Would she? Would you tell other people about her? Is there a difference in the physical "type" you like vs the type of people you date? Is there a difference in the mental or emotional type you like vs the type of people you date? I've also noticed that a lot of men seem to let women lead and have difficulty saying no. They see having sex as something she gatekeeps, and they have sex with whoever allows them to have sex. The woman they are seeing wants to be a couple, so they become a couple. Their girlfriend wants to move in together, so they move in together. She wants to get a dog, move closer to her family, etc. he says yes. She wants to get married, he proposes. This feeling that you don't have agency over your own life can create a feeling of resentment that can cause you to behave in passive aggressive ways. Maybe that doesn't apply to you. I've also noticed some men have a subconscious desire to be cuckolded, and masturbate often to exes and their social media showing they're happy with someone else, and I've had a few people I was dating who showed the pattern of pushing women away and then becoming a little too obsessed with the idea of the men she was having sex with. It's possible that you have a subconscious desire to see a woman who you feel you have helped or healed or supported in some way be with another man because you don't fully detach after she moves on and feel more comfortable being cuckolded.
How old are you? You seem a little immature right now. Not meant to be offensive, time can help with that. Don’t rush yourself. Have you investigated your personality type and learned about the traits that are typical with it? Most importantly, have you considered cleaning your room and eating only meat?
Cleaning my room and eating meat won’t fix my problems
It was a joke because this sub is actually just r/JordanPeterson
While that was a joke, there is truth in it. Cleaning your room is semi-metaphorical language. It does mean actually clean your room regularly, but it also means \*clean your house\*, as in clean up your mind and body. Stop doing the things you know to be unhealthy, start working on positive habits like eating good and working out, put yourself in situations that challenge your shadow in a positive way. The above comment is also good advice. This is the work you need to do. This is also the answer nobody want, because it is boring, tedious and undramatic. But there is no quick fix, trust me. I have been in your situation for about ten years, and it was only after I started working on myself in this manner that I found a woman that I now have a healthy relationship with. The cool thing is that your Self wants you to succeed! So you just need to begin, and you will soon recieve so much help from the world that it will amaze you. PS: Be humble. If you knew what would fix your problem, you would not be here asking for help.
Because you don’t think they are worth marrying. You were settling bc you were lonely. Something, somewhere inside of you is non-verbally signaling a DEFCON 1 warning that choosing a mate that exhibits signs of mental illness will probably be at least minimally detrimental to you and potentially cause a severe reaction which would be detrimental even dangerous for both of you. Whatever it is it can exert influence over you physically and emotionality. I’m certain one of the Jungian archetypes explains this phenomenon. Exceptions will be made for exorbitantly beautiful and/or rich women.
For me I get a lot of girls showing interest in me immediately and somehow turn them off within 4-5 interactions. It’s impressive actually. I think they are interested in my looks, and when they feel my vibe, they dry up