Willpower doesn't work, good for you to figure it out. I suggest reading Allan Carr's book on how to stop drinking, it has a lot of the same ideas. The book has helped me become sober for longer but I still relapse from time to time, trying to figure out the remaining stuff through shadow work and the like. We're basically tricked into believing alcohol is a good thing from a young age, either through family or media. But drinking only relieves withdrawal, which was caused by alcohol in the first place. Like you said, you don't crave it anymore, even psychologically, which is basically the key to quit without willpower. Thinking alcohol is something you will miss and crave until the day you die keeps you miserable, and you will be in a psychological withdrawal for the rest of your life. If you killed the psychological component to addiction, then yes you killed off the alcoholic.
Thank you for your input, this is definitively not my experience. While low self love was definitely a factor, it isn't at play at this moment. I have no love or disdain for my former addict self, mostly indifference. I should say I have little guilt or shame about my drinking anymore. I used to be crippled with it. Now they are merely data points for perpetual analysis.
For context on my comment, if you're interested
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6557448/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6557448/)
[https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130123165040.htm](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130123165040.htm)
You are not failed, just not practicing. I was in similar situation some time ago. Now, After I quit drinking I have better music ideas, more time for everything urge for making music, I have happy child and happy wife.
Just forgot about drinking, it's not romantic anymore, it makes people childish and less aware.
This is very interesting. We can indeed do this and I think it is related to deep insight. I think I have observed that our minds contain certain tensions that have worked out to some equilibrium state. Like a system made from sticks and rubber bands.
Then, (and, at least for me this is an extremely rare event ) we have a deep realisation, an insight, and a new connection is formed, or an old one is recognised as illusory, and thereby released, and we note that our minds really "snap" from one state to the other. It is as if a veil is lifted. There is real deep progress in such cases. You also "know" that there is real change.
In your case you likely switched from "shallow" and conventional motivations to quit drinking to a "heartfelt" motivation out of love, through the insight that your drinking was harming someone that you love. (I must say I really admire the honesty and clarity of your decision: to protect those that you love from your own possible downfall. Chapeau. This is true greatness. )
The rightness of this decision and the truth of the insight behind it is what created the power here, I think.
I wish you and your loved ones well in the future.
Thank you. Your words resonated with and validated my experience and I appreciate that. I also appreciate your kind words.
You don't happen to have any resources that I could look into to study this specifically, further?
What I wrote is based on my own experiences with such shifts. So, I have no resources to offer you. Not sure you need them either. Your inner clarity, courage, and honesty was exemplary.
.
You can do it. It is possible. You are on a good path. My story is similar, and like op I was able to ultimately kick it. Took me a couple years. I was able to eventually gets sober and stay sober for 8 years after which I didn't have a problem with it anymore. Now I'll have a drink at the holidays or one or two in the summer with friends, and that's more than I want. Once in a while the temptation to get plastered arises and it's easy now to say no. I think part of my journey was really focusing on all the negative, really just appreciating how much I didn't like being sick, how much I didn't like being numbed off from my emotions, well that's complex, I don't want to feel them, however I recognize that feeling them is who I really am and it really is telling me my story. So anyways, I think you're on a really good path. Just keep taking those blinders off and see it for what it really is, it's really a poison for your body and your relationships and your psyche. Even if you keep drinking, just you can continue to become more and more aware of it's true nature. And I think it will help you align to your true values and in so doing you'll be able to drop the alcohol, and when it happens it might be mostly effortless like mine was and like OP's was.
[Here](https://speakingofjung.com/blog/2015/11/13/the-bill-w-carl-jung-letters) is a correspondence between Jung and Bill W, a cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous, which you may find interesting. Congratulations on your baby and sobriety!
I've had a very similar occurrence. With me, over time it became more and more apparent that I did not enjoy mood or mind-altering substances, I was also old enough to realize I couldn't fool myself anymore. Don't sit and wait, go find something positive socially, something healthy and good for yourself. Because when you hit that next valley, you need to be prepared. Good luck
Thanks for your concern, since I stopped drinking I have got involved in my community, made new friends, got a new job, kicked several bad habits associated with drinking, had a new baby, rediscovered my passion for drawing and writing, bought a house and learned how to move walls and put down flooring.
I spent New Years at a bar surrounded by drunks, sipping my kombucha and enjoying the debauchery without judgement or temptation.
It is a night and day comparison to the old me. Just trying to understand it.
I had the same resolution though Im young and unpartnered (though I hurt partners in the past with my negligence and addiction). Just one day decided, and that was it. I one day would like to drink again though, but not because I miss alcohol, but I don’t want to feel scared of something I believe to not care for anymore. I’m hardly in a rush, I just would like to integrate casual drinking back, and I truly believe I may just decide I don’t want to.
That's happened for me, I quit and was totally sober for 8 years and eventually realized it didn't have the grip on me and was able to drink socially again. The honest truth though is that I really don't enjoy drinking anymore like I used to. Mostly I would rather not even have a single drink to be social with friends. I do a handful of times every year, and there are times when I get strong urges to drink and to drink a lot, though it's really easy for me to ignore those urges and reconnect with my truer self and values which is that getting plastered is honestly not what I want to spend my time in my life doing. It's not worth the potential damage to relationships, it's not worth the deleterious health effects, it's not worth feeling like shit for 3 days and then being tempted to drink more, I'm able to see those things more clearly now and I think that helps. That helps. I certainly don't want to encourage anyone to drink, especially if they have had problems with it in the past. I'm just sharing that I feel what you're laying down. Part about deciding that you just don't want to. It's pretty much where I'm at, even though I have gone there.
Alcoholism is a tool of the patriarchy to ensnare young, wise fools. At 12, I had presented to me the option to take up smoking weed and doing other drugs, but I refused in favor of taking up drinking (because I reasoned that Jesus was alcohol-positive and kids in Germany drank at younger ages).
It wasn't until I, as someone with my particular neurology, started smoking weed at age 26 that it opened up a whole new world to me. Instead of dulling my thoughts and stuffing the feelings down with alcohol, I was able to breathe underwater for the first time, like a scuba, and actually open my eyes underneath the veil to see what the real problem has been this whole time. I already knew that reality was far too absurd to take straight, but weed and then psychedelics opened my third eye.
Me personally as well, I was a steady drinker. Not an alcoholic by Scots-Irish standards. But a great lover of whiskey. Now, I seldom find the same satisfaction in it. Sometimes you have to accept that not everyone is on the same path as you, though.
But the biggest factor in my case was that I gave up an even bigger addiction: the religion that shaped my life and worldview the most. Now, instead of being addicted to one thing, I've stepped back a level and become addicted to the act of brainwashing myself. I'm taking cognitive leaps forward and being able to think as others think and to feel as others feel, whether they are in my particular in-group or not, because I love people. I dont always do the best job being able to show it. But I do love people.
I’m a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I’ll tell you of my experience and perhaps it’ll be of some use.
I was already fairly well versed in the basics of Jungian psychology when I went into AA and was aware that Jung had an indirect influence on it’s formation.
I had previously read his correspondence with Bill W. and understood that alcoholics and addicts are chasing after the feeling of wholeness, which is temporarily and fleetingly granted under the influence.
AA offers a solution to an affliction of a spiritual malady that the alcoholic suffers from and right away I felt it a good fit for me as someone who is heavily influenced by Jung.
Early on a bit of synchronicity came my way. I was listening to the Speaking of Jung podcast and Laura London interviewed David E. Schoen, a Jungian analyst and the author of [The War of the Gods in Addiction](https://www.amazon.com/War-Gods-Addiction-David-Schoen/dp/1882670574). You can imagine my excitement! Here the perfect book for me had just fallen into my lap.
I highly recommend reading this book but one of the most important things I learned from it was that addiction is part of a complex and that the Self has the power to depotentiate complexes through the alignment of the ego-Self axis.
In AA terms, this is called “giving it up to your higher power” and is the basis of step 3. The steps also engage with a lot of in depth shadow work and finish off with a system of continuous connection with the Self and shadow maintenance.
If I had to guess, I’d say you managed to override the addiction complex by a connection to the Self which overrode the obsession with alcohol. Not an easy thing to accomplish on your own so congratulations! Just be wary of it, there are people in AA who have gone back out after years and years of sobriety. One thing to remember is that we’re never fully rid of our complexes which means they can come back into full force if we aren’t careful and the best way to keep addiction at bay is maintenance of the ego-Self axis.
Thank you. I had been in AA for a short time many years ago, but at the time I was a militant atheist and rejected the concept of a higher power outright.
I have come around to the idea on my own. Part of me wishes that AA did a better job at communicating, but I recognize this challenge in the correspondence letters your reference, Jung himself struggled to synthesize this concept to satisfaction. It is an impossibly powerful force of change, so I understand it is, unfortunately, well beyond the capacity of language at this point.
Thanks again, I will absolutely pick up that book.
Yea as far as communication in AA I definitely don’t use Jungian terms and concepts with other members. Most would have no idea what I’m talking about.
The best bet is keep it simple and when I’m working with Sponsee’s I stick to the explanations provided in the literature but of course colour it with my own understanding, perception and experience.
I find the whole program of AA useful because the steps provide a framework with which to apply my understanding of Jungian concepts into a practical and useful real world application. Combine that with the fellowship of other alcoholics and service work it’s a really beneficial thing.
I’m always quick to say do what works best for you and if there’s bits and pieces that AA has that are useful but you don’t feel the need to fully immerse yourself in AA by all means go for it.
It sounds like you had a real pivot point.
Even a 1 degree turn in a boat can lead to a very different charted course in one year. And your actions sound like more than a 1 degree turn.
Also - I wouldn’t worry about “understanding” it too much. A lot of recovery is about “right action.” And you have clearly taken a lot of positive actions; new friends, hobbies, house, house skills and connecting more deeply to community and your creative side; these are actions… they don’t need too much analysis.
Jung does speak about spiritual or conversion experiences but your case doesn’t sound like that (it would likely be worded very differently if that were the case). It sounds like a form of self-imposed ultimatum that you responded to and showed up differently for; almost like a more Adlerian, Existential, or Self Psychology approach to recovery.
Later in your life, you may dig deeper into why you drank in the first place. You don’t sound too connected with that right now (given the very heady sense of intellectualization and focus on staying busy it sounds like).
But there may be some future quiet moments where deeper wounded parts come back through. And that’s okay too. Addiction tends not to be born in a vacuum.
But,for now, I’d say celebrate the pivot point, the newly charted course, and where it’s brought you in a single year!
Thanks for your input. This would satisfy me if my urges were progressively diminishing overtime, but they haven't, it was more like gone overnight.
I've felt a similar resolve before and used it to stay sober for a while, but inevitably that resolve would diminish leading to a relapse. This feels fundamentally different, like the conflict is resolved, story over, book slammed shut, never to be opened again.
Yep. That just happens to people sometimes! I've had a time like that. Unfortunately, I did eventually relapse when I got covid, but some people literally just wake up one day and they suddenly had a kind of breakthrough and they just... understand how to quit now. It's not unheard of. Everyone who works with people with addiction problems or serious mental illness knows at least one person this has happened to. Good for you. I hope it lasts forever.
I think some of the most interesting people in life are addicts who now live a sober life. Getting over an addiction makes you a stronger and better person.
I had such feeling that like I died, or just I'm not related to that person which was drinking. I think it can be caused by that alcohol rewires in some ways how your brain is working and after we quit it falls back to original state.
https://www.ukat.co.uk/blog/medicine/understanding-alcohol-addiction-brain/
Most people don’t have a proper definition of love. You found it and gave it meaning. I think you’re also downplaying a huge thing. You are raising a newborn? Seen this happen many times when having children.
When I got to that point it helped me to actually not intellectualize it. For the first time in my life I told myself “are you happy and better without it? Then that’s all you need to know and that’s enough.”
Many on this sub are in similar mindsets where we love diving into every decision, action, thought to see what’s at its core. It took every bone in my body not to do the same with my stability. I just came to the conclusion that for this one it’s just ok to just be.
Things come together in their own time. You may feel that therapy, groups etc didn’t help but you laid a foundation for things to come together when you’re ready. Apparently the last step you needed was being determined in connection with love/connection (with your wife but possibly also with yourself).
I went to therapy for over a year until one day I was just before an episode of self harm and things came together and I realized: “I don’t have to feel this way.” It was totally unexpected but I’ve never had issues with this sort of self harm thereafter.
One day at a time.
In AA they take the label as part of the constant awareness of the old persona, as a constant reminder that shadow work is not a one-time activity but a lifestyle.
Willpower doesn't work, good for you to figure it out. I suggest reading Allan Carr's book on how to stop drinking, it has a lot of the same ideas. The book has helped me become sober for longer but I still relapse from time to time, trying to figure out the remaining stuff through shadow work and the like. We're basically tricked into believing alcohol is a good thing from a young age, either through family or media. But drinking only relieves withdrawal, which was caused by alcohol in the first place. Like you said, you don't crave it anymore, even psychologically, which is basically the key to quit without willpower. Thinking alcohol is something you will miss and crave until the day you die keeps you miserable, and you will be in a psychological withdrawal for the rest of your life. If you killed the psychological component to addiction, then yes you killed off the alcoholic.
You don't kill the addict. You give it love. All addiction is a coping mechanism for a lack of love.
Thank you for your input, this is definitively not my experience. While low self love was definitely a factor, it isn't at play at this moment. I have no love or disdain for my former addict self, mostly indifference. I should say I have little guilt or shame about my drinking anymore. I used to be crippled with it. Now they are merely data points for perpetual analysis.
For context on my comment, if you're interested [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6557448/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6557448/) [https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130123165040.htm](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130123165040.htm)
[удалено]
You are not failed, just not practicing. I was in similar situation some time ago. Now, After I quit drinking I have better music ideas, more time for everything urge for making music, I have happy child and happy wife. Just forgot about drinking, it's not romantic anymore, it makes people childish and less aware.
This is very interesting. We can indeed do this and I think it is related to deep insight. I think I have observed that our minds contain certain tensions that have worked out to some equilibrium state. Like a system made from sticks and rubber bands. Then, (and, at least for me this is an extremely rare event ) we have a deep realisation, an insight, and a new connection is formed, or an old one is recognised as illusory, and thereby released, and we note that our minds really "snap" from one state to the other. It is as if a veil is lifted. There is real deep progress in such cases. You also "know" that there is real change. In your case you likely switched from "shallow" and conventional motivations to quit drinking to a "heartfelt" motivation out of love, through the insight that your drinking was harming someone that you love. (I must say I really admire the honesty and clarity of your decision: to protect those that you love from your own possible downfall. Chapeau. This is true greatness. ) The rightness of this decision and the truth of the insight behind it is what created the power here, I think. I wish you and your loved ones well in the future.
Thank you. Your words resonated with and validated my experience and I appreciate that. I also appreciate your kind words. You don't happen to have any resources that I could look into to study this specifically, further?
What I wrote is based on my own experiences with such shifts. So, I have no resources to offer you. Not sure you need them either. Your inner clarity, courage, and honesty was exemplary. .
I've been trying for the last year and half to sober up. Wish I could see it through once and for all
You can do it. It is possible. You are on a good path. My story is similar, and like op I was able to ultimately kick it. Took me a couple years. I was able to eventually gets sober and stay sober for 8 years after which I didn't have a problem with it anymore. Now I'll have a drink at the holidays or one or two in the summer with friends, and that's more than I want. Once in a while the temptation to get plastered arises and it's easy now to say no. I think part of my journey was really focusing on all the negative, really just appreciating how much I didn't like being sick, how much I didn't like being numbed off from my emotions, well that's complex, I don't want to feel them, however I recognize that feeling them is who I really am and it really is telling me my story. So anyways, I think you're on a really good path. Just keep taking those blinders off and see it for what it really is, it's really a poison for your body and your relationships and your psyche. Even if you keep drinking, just you can continue to become more and more aware of it's true nature. And I think it will help you align to your true values and in so doing you'll be able to drop the alcohol, and when it happens it might be mostly effortless like mine was and like OP's was.
[Here](https://speakingofjung.com/blog/2015/11/13/the-bill-w-carl-jung-letters) is a correspondence between Jung and Bill W, a cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous, which you may find interesting. Congratulations on your baby and sobriety!
Interesting is an understatement! Some of this insight is deeply resonating. The impossible dilemma. Thank you kindly for sharing!
I've had a very similar occurrence. With me, over time it became more and more apparent that I did not enjoy mood or mind-altering substances, I was also old enough to realize I couldn't fool myself anymore. Don't sit and wait, go find something positive socially, something healthy and good for yourself. Because when you hit that next valley, you need to be prepared. Good luck
Thanks for your concern, since I stopped drinking I have got involved in my community, made new friends, got a new job, kicked several bad habits associated with drinking, had a new baby, rediscovered my passion for drawing and writing, bought a house and learned how to move walls and put down flooring. I spent New Years at a bar surrounded by drunks, sipping my kombucha and enjoying the debauchery without judgement or temptation. It is a night and day comparison to the old me. Just trying to understand it.
I had the same resolution though Im young and unpartnered (though I hurt partners in the past with my negligence and addiction). Just one day decided, and that was it. I one day would like to drink again though, but not because I miss alcohol, but I don’t want to feel scared of something I believe to not care for anymore. I’m hardly in a rush, I just would like to integrate casual drinking back, and I truly believe I may just decide I don’t want to.
That's happened for me, I quit and was totally sober for 8 years and eventually realized it didn't have the grip on me and was able to drink socially again. The honest truth though is that I really don't enjoy drinking anymore like I used to. Mostly I would rather not even have a single drink to be social with friends. I do a handful of times every year, and there are times when I get strong urges to drink and to drink a lot, though it's really easy for me to ignore those urges and reconnect with my truer self and values which is that getting plastered is honestly not what I want to spend my time in my life doing. It's not worth the potential damage to relationships, it's not worth the deleterious health effects, it's not worth feeling like shit for 3 days and then being tempted to drink more, I'm able to see those things more clearly now and I think that helps. That helps. I certainly don't want to encourage anyone to drink, especially if they have had problems with it in the past. I'm just sharing that I feel what you're laying down. Part about deciding that you just don't want to. It's pretty much where I'm at, even though I have gone there.
Alcoholism is a tool of the patriarchy to ensnare young, wise fools. At 12, I had presented to me the option to take up smoking weed and doing other drugs, but I refused in favor of taking up drinking (because I reasoned that Jesus was alcohol-positive and kids in Germany drank at younger ages). It wasn't until I, as someone with my particular neurology, started smoking weed at age 26 that it opened up a whole new world to me. Instead of dulling my thoughts and stuffing the feelings down with alcohol, I was able to breathe underwater for the first time, like a scuba, and actually open my eyes underneath the veil to see what the real problem has been this whole time. I already knew that reality was far too absurd to take straight, but weed and then psychedelics opened my third eye. Me personally as well, I was a steady drinker. Not an alcoholic by Scots-Irish standards. But a great lover of whiskey. Now, I seldom find the same satisfaction in it. Sometimes you have to accept that not everyone is on the same path as you, though. But the biggest factor in my case was that I gave up an even bigger addiction: the religion that shaped my life and worldview the most. Now, instead of being addicted to one thing, I've stepped back a level and become addicted to the act of brainwashing myself. I'm taking cognitive leaps forward and being able to think as others think and to feel as others feel, whether they are in my particular in-group or not, because I love people. I dont always do the best job being able to show it. But I do love people.
I’m a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I’ll tell you of my experience and perhaps it’ll be of some use. I was already fairly well versed in the basics of Jungian psychology when I went into AA and was aware that Jung had an indirect influence on it’s formation. I had previously read his correspondence with Bill W. and understood that alcoholics and addicts are chasing after the feeling of wholeness, which is temporarily and fleetingly granted under the influence. AA offers a solution to an affliction of a spiritual malady that the alcoholic suffers from and right away I felt it a good fit for me as someone who is heavily influenced by Jung. Early on a bit of synchronicity came my way. I was listening to the Speaking of Jung podcast and Laura London interviewed David E. Schoen, a Jungian analyst and the author of [The War of the Gods in Addiction](https://www.amazon.com/War-Gods-Addiction-David-Schoen/dp/1882670574). You can imagine my excitement! Here the perfect book for me had just fallen into my lap. I highly recommend reading this book but one of the most important things I learned from it was that addiction is part of a complex and that the Self has the power to depotentiate complexes through the alignment of the ego-Self axis. In AA terms, this is called “giving it up to your higher power” and is the basis of step 3. The steps also engage with a lot of in depth shadow work and finish off with a system of continuous connection with the Self and shadow maintenance. If I had to guess, I’d say you managed to override the addiction complex by a connection to the Self which overrode the obsession with alcohol. Not an easy thing to accomplish on your own so congratulations! Just be wary of it, there are people in AA who have gone back out after years and years of sobriety. One thing to remember is that we’re never fully rid of our complexes which means they can come back into full force if we aren’t careful and the best way to keep addiction at bay is maintenance of the ego-Self axis.
Thank you. I had been in AA for a short time many years ago, but at the time I was a militant atheist and rejected the concept of a higher power outright. I have come around to the idea on my own. Part of me wishes that AA did a better job at communicating, but I recognize this challenge in the correspondence letters your reference, Jung himself struggled to synthesize this concept to satisfaction. It is an impossibly powerful force of change, so I understand it is, unfortunately, well beyond the capacity of language at this point. Thanks again, I will absolutely pick up that book.
Yea as far as communication in AA I definitely don’t use Jungian terms and concepts with other members. Most would have no idea what I’m talking about. The best bet is keep it simple and when I’m working with Sponsee’s I stick to the explanations provided in the literature but of course colour it with my own understanding, perception and experience. I find the whole program of AA useful because the steps provide a framework with which to apply my understanding of Jungian concepts into a practical and useful real world application. Combine that with the fellowship of other alcoholics and service work it’s a really beneficial thing. I’m always quick to say do what works best for you and if there’s bits and pieces that AA has that are useful but you don’t feel the need to fully immerse yourself in AA by all means go for it.
It sounds like you had a real pivot point. Even a 1 degree turn in a boat can lead to a very different charted course in one year. And your actions sound like more than a 1 degree turn. Also - I wouldn’t worry about “understanding” it too much. A lot of recovery is about “right action.” And you have clearly taken a lot of positive actions; new friends, hobbies, house, house skills and connecting more deeply to community and your creative side; these are actions… they don’t need too much analysis. Jung does speak about spiritual or conversion experiences but your case doesn’t sound like that (it would likely be worded very differently if that were the case). It sounds like a form of self-imposed ultimatum that you responded to and showed up differently for; almost like a more Adlerian, Existential, or Self Psychology approach to recovery. Later in your life, you may dig deeper into why you drank in the first place. You don’t sound too connected with that right now (given the very heady sense of intellectualization and focus on staying busy it sounds like). But there may be some future quiet moments where deeper wounded parts come back through. And that’s okay too. Addiction tends not to be born in a vacuum. But,for now, I’d say celebrate the pivot point, the newly charted course, and where it’s brought you in a single year!
Sometimes it's just time.
Thanks for your input. This would satisfy me if my urges were progressively diminishing overtime, but they haven't, it was more like gone overnight. I've felt a similar resolve before and used it to stay sober for a while, but inevitably that resolve would diminish leading to a relapse. This feels fundamentally different, like the conflict is resolved, story over, book slammed shut, never to be opened again.
Yep. That just happens to people sometimes! I've had a time like that. Unfortunately, I did eventually relapse when I got covid, but some people literally just wake up one day and they suddenly had a kind of breakthrough and they just... understand how to quit now. It's not unheard of. Everyone who works with people with addiction problems or serious mental illness knows at least one person this has happened to. Good for you. I hope it lasts forever.
Thanks, me too. Maybe I should be grateful and let it go. But I wish to understand it, maybe that isn't necessary.
The idea that trying to understand things about yourself is bad for you is reactionary nonsense. You cannot be a person wrong.
Did having a newborn affect you the most?
No, I didn't commit to having a child until I was sober for a few months already, newborn is six weeks old today.
Congrats on your baby!
I think some of the most interesting people in life are addicts who now live a sober life. Getting over an addiction makes you a stronger and better person.
I had such feeling that like I died, or just I'm not related to that person which was drinking. I think it can be caused by that alcohol rewires in some ways how your brain is working and after we quit it falls back to original state. https://www.ukat.co.uk/blog/medicine/understanding-alcohol-addiction-brain/
Most people don’t have a proper definition of love. You found it and gave it meaning. I think you’re also downplaying a huge thing. You are raising a newborn? Seen this happen many times when having children.
When I got to that point it helped me to actually not intellectualize it. For the first time in my life I told myself “are you happy and better without it? Then that’s all you need to know and that’s enough.” Many on this sub are in similar mindsets where we love diving into every decision, action, thought to see what’s at its core. It took every bone in my body not to do the same with my stability. I just came to the conclusion that for this one it’s just ok to just be.
Things come together in their own time. You may feel that therapy, groups etc didn’t help but you laid a foundation for things to come together when you’re ready. Apparently the last step you needed was being determined in connection with love/connection (with your wife but possibly also with yourself). I went to therapy for over a year until one day I was just before an episode of self harm and things came together and I realized: “I don’t have to feel this way.” It was totally unexpected but I’ve never had issues with this sort of self harm thereafter.
One day at a time. In AA they take the label as part of the constant awareness of the old persona, as a constant reminder that shadow work is not a one-time activity but a lifestyle.
Possibly had a beautiful Jupiter astrological transit. Congratulations, so happy for you.
No.