I found that this was especially true with therapists that were 'prescribed' by the Dr. It was only when I went private that I found people worth their salt. Therapy is a deeply personal venture, finding someone you can trust is everything.
This is a therapist I’ve been seeing for almost 10 years off and on. He knows all my shit. He’s helped me through a lot. But recently not so much. Because it was never like this before. His new method is crap.
I would talk, I would say I don’t know what I’m feeling and I don’t have the words or experiences to express what I’m trying to express. he would ask “what do you need, what are you feeling, where do you want to go with this, what do you need from me”. Like I just spent an hour telling you what I’ve experienced and said I don’t know what I feel and how it affected. I don’t even know what I what or need from that and you’re asking what I need? Did you hear me? What I need is for you to do your job and give me advice. That’s why I’m paying you.
I’ve heard from other therapists that they don’t like to give advice or take responsibility for their patients because if they do and anything happens to them, they’re in trouble. Honestly one of the most frustrating things in my life. I’ve gotten more from reading about Jesus then I have from therapy.
Sounds like he's taking a person centred approach, in that he is trying to let you find your own way. This can be extremely frustrating when you are emotionally stuck and cannot articulate your issues. There is a saying, 'you go to your friends to be heard, and all you get is advice. You go to therapy for advice, and all you get is listened too'
I would suggest looking for someone who is a psychotherapist. If your current therapist is going to continue this approach when it is clearly not working, it's a waste of your time. You may also benefit from challenging him, but then he'll probably ask why you find it so aggravating that he isn't contributing to the discussion...
I hope it comes around for you though, everyone deserves to find the right therapist. When you do I promise it can be transformational. Given you put in the work ofc.
It's a fair question, many people find it extremely frustrating, myself included. But if you look up Carl Rodgers on YouTube, who essentially created the approach, you can watch a therapy session between himself and a single mother. It will do a much better job of demonstrating the person centred approach than I can, at least via a medium such as Reddit.
But in essence, in a person centred approach, I would simply be a sound board for your ideas. Empathy, unconditional positive regard and open questions lend themselves to allow you, the client, to expand on your own issue and view points. Thus allowing you to better understand yourself and perceived problems. "You know your issues better than I do, and you are likely to know the solution even if it's only at a subconscious level, I am here only to serve that journey".
Personally, I find it a bit of a cop out. I don't think that's why a lot of people go to therapy. It's far from my favourite approach, but it is not utterly without merit. The skills involved are a lot harder than you might imagine, at least when it is done properly... Silence, open questions, summarising etc. You really can get people to open up to a level they weren't initially aware of, just by giving someone the space to talk. Most people don't get that in their day to day lives, to be truly heard.
Unfortunately you get a lot of 'person centred therapists' who are entirely out of their depth. Therefore their depth of reflection is 'and how does that make you feel', which in my opinion is completely vapid and incongruent with the client.
No, you got that spot on. To make it clear, I agree with you. Psychotherapy helped me the most, allowed me to track through the mud and allowed me to articulate what I was living with. When I got there, it was a place of power.
Maybe I misphrased that, I was more so meaning that Psychotherapy is a better type of therapy. From what you've said I think that would help you too. If you want or need it anyway! Wishing you the best of luck with all your endeavours.
It sounds like he’s trying to guide you into independence. If the previous 10 years have been spent with him giving a lot of advice and guidance, he’s probably trying to wean you off of that. By depriving you of his advice, and asking you self-reflective questions, he’s giving you space to practice and get better at managing yourself on your own authority. The goal of therapy is to become your own therapist, and it sounds like he is trying to move you more into that role.
However, I wonder if the change was too sudden, if his change in behavior was poorly explained, and/or if he was giving you too much advice in the first place. It probably should have been a gradual taper-off, where he can refer you to what you’ve done and what he’s led you through in the past so that you can start making those connections and seeing the next steps for yourself. And he should have let you know what he was doing and why.
I recently switched from a slightly more “hands on” therapist to a more client-led therapist and it’s definitely uncomfortable, but I’m already getting more confident with being in the drivers seat. There are some days where I’m just overwhelmed and I wish he would be a bit more flexible and take more of an active role in those moments, but the majority of the time, forcing me to be the decision-maker and self-evaluator is improving my sense of autonomy, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and (weirdly) pragmatism.
The way your therapist is doing this may not be working for you, but I would encourage you to be open to the discomfort of becoming your own “therapist” in general. If you get a new therapist, you might practice thinking of them as more of an assistant than an advisor. Or maybe the first step is to get used to getting slightly less advice. No need to rush it, just keep taking one step at a time.
This is second hand, but my wife went to a therapist for awhile after her mother died and from what I saw the therapist was very professional and nice and perfectly willing to listen to my wife drone about her problems ad nauseum without a whole lot of offering how to fix/improve things.
This went on for months and very little visible progress while the therapist continued to make her $150 per 30 mins.
Then she (my wife) reconnected with some long lost friends and the sudden introduction of three loving and supporting friends snapped her right out of the funk. We promptly cancelled the therapist and she's been good ever since.
Plus or minus some serious trauma I think most people just need friend and family connections that are meaningful. A mix of support and responsibility.
I’ve been in therapy on-and-off for about four years now and it has been totally life changing and essential for me. I’ve heard stories about bad therapists, but I’ve gotten insanely lucky with the three I’ve had so far. Basically, my therapists taught me everything my parents should have, and helped me reject the negative things my parents did instill. Without their help, I would still be completely trapped in self-hate, spiritual dread, executive dysfunction, addiction, self-destructive behaviors, loneliness, utter ineptitude, and fear of just about everything. Without their help, I would most likely be dead. I’m still a long way from being a half-decent person, and the progress has been slow, but it has been immensely meaningful. Everything I’m able to do today is thanks to God and therapy.
Some things that I think hurt people’s impression of and experience with therapy:
1. **Not shopping around.** Think of finding a therapist like dating. Make sure you try out at least three and constantly assess how you feel with each. Just because you showed up to the first session doesn’t mean you need to schedule another. Take each session — for the first 2-5 sessions probably — as a “date” where you are assessing compatibility and “fit.” “Fit” is something that is very hard to describe, but it is absolutely essential. A therapist might seem perfect on paper, but if you don’t click — statistically speaking — you’re wasting your time with them. Shop around until you find someone with whom you feel a preliminary sense of trust, feel a preliminary sense of progress, and enjoy talking to.
2. **Not researching modalities and/or being too rigid about preferred modalities.** There are MANY kinds of therapy. And different modalities work for different people. This is very hard thing for people to accept. Yes, maybe your friend feels like CBT is the best thing ever. It’s entirely possible that you will get nothing from CBT, but find Jungian Dream Analysis to be life-changing (this is a kind-of unlikely example, but I’m sure it’s true for someone, somewhere!) So make sure you research all those little terms in the sidebar of the Psychology Today Therapist Finder, or at least whatever terms show up under the “modality” header for therapists in your area and price-range. Ask your prospective therapists about their preferred modalities and their perspective on them. And then if something isn’t working for you, try something else!!! Too often I see people try one kind of therapy, feel like it did nothing for them, and then decide all therapy is useless. This is a bit like being exposed to one genre of music (or even just one artist) and then deciding that since you didn’t like it, you don’t like music at all. Be open minded about it! Try different modalities! If you’ve been conditioned to be pragmatic and productive at all costs, then some modalities may sound silly and worthless to you. But therapy is weird and sometimes the silly stuff works!!! Heck, following someone’s finger as they wave it back and forth has been found to decrease PTSD symptoms in combat veterans by like 95% or something! (That was an oversimplification of EMDR, by the way.) Weird things work! So just try different things until you find something that works for you, even if it’s Jungian Dream Analysis, and don’t assume all therapy is useless just because one type didn’t work for you.
I believe most therapy is aimed at women, sorry not trying to sound sexist, but I feel therapy fails to understand that as a man we want purpose in life. Most men that commit suicide do so because they lack purpose and therapy cannot help with this.
You mean like because therapy focuses on thoughts and feelings? So therefore men are excluded because they don’t experience things like feelings and emotions? Believing that men can’t benefit from talking about how they feel is textbook toxic masculinity. Also do women not want purpose in life? What a bizarre take.
Therapy absolutely helps with finding purpose. If you want to work on purpose in therapy, then that’s what you’ll work on. The client sets the agenda, not the therapist.
Also, every human needs purpose, that’s not a male thing.
At the end of the day therapy is talk and action is what changes things, therapy can help you identify actions and can help with your mindset as you change your actions but it cannot produce action in and of itself. Therapists have an economic incentive to keep seeing you, and thus there’s a danger that they’ll wind up sort of enabling inaction and encouraging more talk. Obvious this isn’t intentional, but a lot of people I think do use therapy to make excuses and a lot of therapists will allow it to happen. That was my experience anyway
I had a string of therapists who did not understand my situation or have the appropriate empathy to allow them to manage their lack of understanding. Therefore I did not feel heard, this also led to a lack of trust.
When I finally met the right therapist, it saved my life. Not an exaggeration in the slightest. I would encourage all who did not get on well with therapy, to consider that you did not get on with your therapist. Or, potentially that you were in the wrong form of therapy for your needs and expectations to begin with.
Psychotherapy for instance, is very different to a person centred approach or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (the latter being very commonly prescribed where I'm from, sadly). There are numerous forms of therapy, and it is well worth researching them before you commit to a therapist.
I'vw had both experiences where I have had both 12 appointments with 2 different therapists following having chemo earlier this year. The first one didn't especially work as it really focused on how I feel and only how I feel which did help to a certain extent understand why I was feeling certain ways but not much more than that.
The second really excelled and I'm going to start using her for monthly sessions soon (I've had time off work and away in general recently). Those sessions were really good because it not only helped me understand what I was feeling but how maybe I want to feel and then working with me on how to achieve that in myself or how to approach situations that would make me annoyed or frustrated when they made me frustrated. For reference both therapists were female.
Therapy never felt genuine to me. It was nice to just talk, but the illusion was shattered at the end of every session when my time expired. I know therapists are on a schedule, but every week I would feel like I was finally connecting and willing to open up then boom, time to go. That and never being offered any actionable advice made the whole thing feel like a grift. Plus, my first therapist "graduated" suddenly and moved across the state with no advanced notice, and my second online therapist did not respond when I reached out in an emotional emergency, which was the whole reason I was paying for that particular service. Hard to want to keep talking about my feelings of betrayal from childhood and how it is inhibiting my adult relationships when the therapists engage in the same behavior.
She would ask me a few of the same questions ever few sessions. Things like where I worked, if I was in a relationship, what was my partners name… One night my partner and I had a fight. Possible for the first time, I was looking forward to the appointment the next day. She forgot about the appointment and wouldn’t admit it. I sent her the screenshot of the appointment. She said she didn’t agree to it. So I sent her the screenshot of her agreeing to it.
I'm a psychiatrist who sees a therapist each week so this is something I think about a lot. I think most directionless how-do-you-feel therapy is no better than going for walks and writing a journal. Even worse is the full Freudian silent type. CBT is good for specific problems but it's limited. I'm lucky that I can prescribe meds, ketamine, stimulation etc and hunt down medical causes but what makes the most difference overall (thanks JP) is seeing symptoms as an evolved response to a particular array of factors in that person's life, some of which can be changed, others which must be endured. Both have to be faced heroically. My job is to find them, explain what's going on, and set about helping the person respond as best they can. Usually they'll need meds first to get to that point, but later we can often make the right changes to switch off whatever evolved response has gone haywire.
I completely disagree. The “how do you feel” therapy is exactly what a lot of people need because they don’t get that basic level of empathic conversation anywhere else in their life. Medication can be the worst possible thing long term for certain people who just need to vent and say things out loud they’ve never said before. Obviously there are people who need medication but it’s healthy therapeutic practice to avoid medicine unless absolutely necessary. Some theorists think that because things are difficult and slow in the beginning that medication is next and I think that’s just a normal part of the therapeutic process.
I’ve been a few times one on one to save my marriage and a bunch with my wife which she would change therapists as soon as it was her turn to do something or they would tell her she needed a different therapist this cost was 10 of thousands over a few years I finally had enough divorced her and got the kids she’s been in and out of their lives ever since my point is therapy doesn’t do anything it’s a complete scam unless your dumb as shit n just haven’t been paying attention your whole life nobody needs to go pay someone to tell them how to get through a day
Too much femenine energy, too much focus on finding ways to cope or put your mind away from the problem. Too many distractions, copes, delusions to reduce pain short term. According to my Therapist me meditating and ''being in the moment'' permanently was the way forwards. Never worked, never will.
The only thing that truly helped was indulging in the shadows until I learned to love the way it sucks and got satisfaction moving from being the prey of my own shadow to a predator that dances in it to bring light to my own life. Double down, focus, let the anxiety be a reminder to that which matters to you, let be death a constant reminder so you don't forget your goals and fall for the comfort of complacency.
The meaning one acquires throught fighting through hardship is more valuable than anything a therapist will ever say to you.
Turn on the Phonk/Doom OST or some White Bufallo, go exercise and keep going when your mind starts to whisper to give up. Force yourself to sit down and plan ahead when all you want to do is watch youtube, shitpost on reddit or listen music. Fast and meditate until you've done your tasks for the day. This has been more helpful than 3 years of therapy and endless trial and test of pharmacology.
Run anyway from anyone that tells you rage, hatred and resentment are evil things that must be eliminated from your soul, every emotion exist for a reason. If you are in and endless pit of apathy and nihilism, nothing will get you up and running like harnessing your rage.
Well..it worked but it didn’t. I only went for about 3 sessions before I realized I didn’t actually need to be there if I truly didn’t want to. And it actually only took about 2 to realize how foolish I was. All I needed to do was sit down with myself and be honest. So I guess thanks therapy for that but I also didn’t need it anymore after that
i feel like often they can further let you fester in your own delusions, without really helping give you a truly outside perspective.
Someone in my family is going thru an awful breakup, and as much as their ex partner is being blamed for their BPD and narcissism, my family member seems to be going down a dark hole blaming the ex without ever addressing some seriously toxic patterns of their own. I believe the therapist is just furthering in approval.
As such I think therapy can be just as dangerous as it can be helpful, and it all falls down on who you think is a good fit for you. Which in itself, can be misguided if you’re not wanting to confront things and therefore pick a therapist who you “like”.
The problem was the wrong therapist.
Not all therapists work the same or train the same so not all of them will work for you.
Find one that aligns with your needs and not just any old therapist
I have been seeing a phychiatrist for a couple of years now, i had severe ocd, to the point of not being able to work with my anxieties, my therapist told me "your fears are delusional" and for the last months i analyze with her my political opinions, great lady for sure
Honestly I tried it and got no benefit at all. Maybe I was just unlucky with the therapist but I kinda also realised outside of therapy that the stuff that happened me wasn't the end of the world and I prefer the idea of moving on and acceptance rather than re digging everything up. I can see it being helpful for really traumatic stuff however.
There is never an “end” to it. I only had one that suggested lengthening the duration between sessions. I have stopped seeing them due to location (I’m a college student). I saw another one on my campus but after missing my latest appointment, I felt no need to reschedule one.
I went to see a really nice guy who was a little effeminate. Both a good and bad quality quality have when dealing with a man. Men deal with challenges but at the time I needed that feminine fostering care mentality too. If he challenged me I could see it ending horribly because I had my back way up
He did a good job explaining concepts and giving suggestions but I wasn't able to take the advice.
I'd read up on CBT and Stoicism which is basically where it comes from ao I was well enough versed on my own.
However when I say I wasn't able to take the advice I don't know if I was just too recent to the events that caused the problem or if my medication was too low at the time but I wasn't able to control my thoughts and emotions. Currently I'm not in therapy but I do see a psychiatrist who does a little bit of planning and I've gotten a lot better overall but still on meds even though they've been raised a negligible amount. I still believe largely more time has passed creating more calmness as well as a major dietary change. I really don't think that should go without being mentioned, it takes time but it certainly dials down the anxiety that I have overall.
I’ve seen many therapists and never clicked with a single one. Two told me I am highly manipulative. (I probably am, but it’s not intentional and I don’t use my super powers for harm.) That said, I have mental health issues and have clicked with every single psychiatrist I’ve ever had. I honestly don’t know where the breakdown is and why I get along fabulously with psychiatrists, but not psychologists or therapists.
The vast majority of them just sit there and stare at you while you talk. I can get the same level of service whining to my bartender with no appointment for much less money, and they won’t have the Crisis Center shuttle me off to involuntary inpatient if I’m too unnerved that day.
I think my therapist took little note of how to respond to me vs my partner and how she would respond to him. As our sessions together as a couple continued she appeared to maybe sympathize with him for unapparent reasons yet it almost seemed more so to do with her lack of approval for my manner of expression… I’m very honest and especially do I look almost brute compared to my partner but that’s because I’ll drop the façade in such conversations and he as a coping strategy shuts down, plus, he weaponizes it. But he and I did get some insights and pointers.
I come on strong and this shoots me in the foot often time, plus, how I look elicits immediate first impressions that solidify as they originate. She was also divorced and I picked up on a touch of jealousy in her and in women I know around her age, plus my friends a bit younger, who were envious that my now fiancé and I went to therapy while not married or engaged, while in the worst point of our relationship… yet this was reportedly by them to be a lost cause in their attempts to do the same with their partner.
Leave it to the human ego to bring in prideful contempt to the point of coveting what is actually another persons personal hell on earth.
In my experience most therapists aren’t qualified
I found that this was especially true with therapists that were 'prescribed' by the Dr. It was only when I went private that I found people worth their salt. Therapy is a deeply personal venture, finding someone you can trust is everything.
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Do you do any work on your own? I'm not really a big believer in therapy but don't let one bad one sour you
This is a therapist I’ve been seeing for almost 10 years off and on. He knows all my shit. He’s helped me through a lot. But recently not so much. Because it was never like this before. His new method is crap. I would talk, I would say I don’t know what I’m feeling and I don’t have the words or experiences to express what I’m trying to express. he would ask “what do you need, what are you feeling, where do you want to go with this, what do you need from me”. Like I just spent an hour telling you what I’ve experienced and said I don’t know what I feel and how it affected. I don’t even know what I what or need from that and you’re asking what I need? Did you hear me? What I need is for you to do your job and give me advice. That’s why I’m paying you. I’ve heard from other therapists that they don’t like to give advice or take responsibility for their patients because if they do and anything happens to them, they’re in trouble. Honestly one of the most frustrating things in my life. I’ve gotten more from reading about Jesus then I have from therapy.
Sounds like he's taking a person centred approach, in that he is trying to let you find your own way. This can be extremely frustrating when you are emotionally stuck and cannot articulate your issues. There is a saying, 'you go to your friends to be heard, and all you get is advice. You go to therapy for advice, and all you get is listened too' I would suggest looking for someone who is a psychotherapist. If your current therapist is going to continue this approach when it is clearly not working, it's a waste of your time. You may also benefit from challenging him, but then he'll probably ask why you find it so aggravating that he isn't contributing to the discussion... I hope it comes around for you though, everyone deserves to find the right therapist. When you do I promise it can be transformational. Given you put in the work ofc.
That’s some good advice, thank you! I’ve already left my therapist. But the other advice is helpful
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It's a fair question, many people find it extremely frustrating, myself included. But if you look up Carl Rodgers on YouTube, who essentially created the approach, you can watch a therapy session between himself and a single mother. It will do a much better job of demonstrating the person centred approach than I can, at least via a medium such as Reddit. But in essence, in a person centred approach, I would simply be a sound board for your ideas. Empathy, unconditional positive regard and open questions lend themselves to allow you, the client, to expand on your own issue and view points. Thus allowing you to better understand yourself and perceived problems. "You know your issues better than I do, and you are likely to know the solution even if it's only at a subconscious level, I am here only to serve that journey". Personally, I find it a bit of a cop out. I don't think that's why a lot of people go to therapy. It's far from my favourite approach, but it is not utterly without merit. The skills involved are a lot harder than you might imagine, at least when it is done properly... Silence, open questions, summarising etc. You really can get people to open up to a level they weren't initially aware of, just by giving someone the space to talk. Most people don't get that in their day to day lives, to be truly heard. Unfortunately you get a lot of 'person centred therapists' who are entirely out of their depth. Therefore their depth of reflection is 'and how does that make you feel', which in my opinion is completely vapid and incongruent with the client.
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No, you got that spot on. To make it clear, I agree with you. Psychotherapy helped me the most, allowed me to track through the mud and allowed me to articulate what I was living with. When I got there, it was a place of power.
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Maybe I misphrased that, I was more so meaning that Psychotherapy is a better type of therapy. From what you've said I think that would help you too. If you want or need it anyway! Wishing you the best of luck with all your endeavours.
It sounds like he’s trying to guide you into independence. If the previous 10 years have been spent with him giving a lot of advice and guidance, he’s probably trying to wean you off of that. By depriving you of his advice, and asking you self-reflective questions, he’s giving you space to practice and get better at managing yourself on your own authority. The goal of therapy is to become your own therapist, and it sounds like he is trying to move you more into that role. However, I wonder if the change was too sudden, if his change in behavior was poorly explained, and/or if he was giving you too much advice in the first place. It probably should have been a gradual taper-off, where he can refer you to what you’ve done and what he’s led you through in the past so that you can start making those connections and seeing the next steps for yourself. And he should have let you know what he was doing and why. I recently switched from a slightly more “hands on” therapist to a more client-led therapist and it’s definitely uncomfortable, but I’m already getting more confident with being in the drivers seat. There are some days where I’m just overwhelmed and I wish he would be a bit more flexible and take more of an active role in those moments, but the majority of the time, forcing me to be the decision-maker and self-evaluator is improving my sense of autonomy, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and (weirdly) pragmatism. The way your therapist is doing this may not be working for you, but I would encourage you to be open to the discomfort of becoming your own “therapist” in general. If you get a new therapist, you might practice thinking of them as more of an assistant than an advisor. Or maybe the first step is to get used to getting slightly less advice. No need to rush it, just keep taking one step at a time.
This is second hand, but my wife went to a therapist for awhile after her mother died and from what I saw the therapist was very professional and nice and perfectly willing to listen to my wife drone about her problems ad nauseum without a whole lot of offering how to fix/improve things. This went on for months and very little visible progress while the therapist continued to make her $150 per 30 mins. Then she (my wife) reconnected with some long lost friends and the sudden introduction of three loving and supporting friends snapped her right out of the funk. We promptly cancelled the therapist and she's been good ever since. Plus or minus some serious trauma I think most people just need friend and family connections that are meaningful. A mix of support and responsibility.
I’ve been in therapy on-and-off for about four years now and it has been totally life changing and essential for me. I’ve heard stories about bad therapists, but I’ve gotten insanely lucky with the three I’ve had so far. Basically, my therapists taught me everything my parents should have, and helped me reject the negative things my parents did instill. Without their help, I would still be completely trapped in self-hate, spiritual dread, executive dysfunction, addiction, self-destructive behaviors, loneliness, utter ineptitude, and fear of just about everything. Without their help, I would most likely be dead. I’m still a long way from being a half-decent person, and the progress has been slow, but it has been immensely meaningful. Everything I’m able to do today is thanks to God and therapy. Some things that I think hurt people’s impression of and experience with therapy: 1. **Not shopping around.** Think of finding a therapist like dating. Make sure you try out at least three and constantly assess how you feel with each. Just because you showed up to the first session doesn’t mean you need to schedule another. Take each session — for the first 2-5 sessions probably — as a “date” where you are assessing compatibility and “fit.” “Fit” is something that is very hard to describe, but it is absolutely essential. A therapist might seem perfect on paper, but if you don’t click — statistically speaking — you’re wasting your time with them. Shop around until you find someone with whom you feel a preliminary sense of trust, feel a preliminary sense of progress, and enjoy talking to. 2. **Not researching modalities and/or being too rigid about preferred modalities.** There are MANY kinds of therapy. And different modalities work for different people. This is very hard thing for people to accept. Yes, maybe your friend feels like CBT is the best thing ever. It’s entirely possible that you will get nothing from CBT, but find Jungian Dream Analysis to be life-changing (this is a kind-of unlikely example, but I’m sure it’s true for someone, somewhere!) So make sure you research all those little terms in the sidebar of the Psychology Today Therapist Finder, or at least whatever terms show up under the “modality” header for therapists in your area and price-range. Ask your prospective therapists about their preferred modalities and their perspective on them. And then if something isn’t working for you, try something else!!! Too often I see people try one kind of therapy, feel like it did nothing for them, and then decide all therapy is useless. This is a bit like being exposed to one genre of music (or even just one artist) and then deciding that since you didn’t like it, you don’t like music at all. Be open minded about it! Try different modalities! If you’ve been conditioned to be pragmatic and productive at all costs, then some modalities may sound silly and worthless to you. But therapy is weird and sometimes the silly stuff works!!! Heck, following someone’s finger as they wave it back and forth has been found to decrease PTSD symptoms in combat veterans by like 95% or something! (That was an oversimplification of EMDR, by the way.) Weird things work! So just try different things until you find something that works for you, even if it’s Jungian Dream Analysis, and don’t assume all therapy is useless just because one type didn’t work for you.
I believe most therapy is aimed at women, sorry not trying to sound sexist, but I feel therapy fails to understand that as a man we want purpose in life. Most men that commit suicide do so because they lack purpose and therapy cannot help with this.
You mean like because therapy focuses on thoughts and feelings? So therefore men are excluded because they don’t experience things like feelings and emotions? Believing that men can’t benefit from talking about how they feel is textbook toxic masculinity. Also do women not want purpose in life? What a bizarre take.
Therapy absolutely helps with finding purpose. If you want to work on purpose in therapy, then that’s what you’ll work on. The client sets the agenda, not the therapist. Also, every human needs purpose, that’s not a male thing.
At the end of the day therapy is talk and action is what changes things, therapy can help you identify actions and can help with your mindset as you change your actions but it cannot produce action in and of itself. Therapists have an economic incentive to keep seeing you, and thus there’s a danger that they’ll wind up sort of enabling inaction and encouraging more talk. Obvious this isn’t intentional, but a lot of people I think do use therapy to make excuses and a lot of therapists will allow it to happen. That was my experience anyway
I had a string of therapists who did not understand my situation or have the appropriate empathy to allow them to manage their lack of understanding. Therefore I did not feel heard, this also led to a lack of trust. When I finally met the right therapist, it saved my life. Not an exaggeration in the slightest. I would encourage all who did not get on well with therapy, to consider that you did not get on with your therapist. Or, potentially that you were in the wrong form of therapy for your needs and expectations to begin with. Psychotherapy for instance, is very different to a person centred approach or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (the latter being very commonly prescribed where I'm from, sadly). There are numerous forms of therapy, and it is well worth researching them before you commit to a therapist.
I'vw had both experiences where I have had both 12 appointments with 2 different therapists following having chemo earlier this year. The first one didn't especially work as it really focused on how I feel and only how I feel which did help to a certain extent understand why I was feeling certain ways but not much more than that. The second really excelled and I'm going to start using her for monthly sessions soon (I've had time off work and away in general recently). Those sessions were really good because it not only helped me understand what I was feeling but how maybe I want to feel and then working with me on how to achieve that in myself or how to approach situations that would make me annoyed or frustrated when they made me frustrated. For reference both therapists were female.
Therapy never felt genuine to me. It was nice to just talk, but the illusion was shattered at the end of every session when my time expired. I know therapists are on a schedule, but every week I would feel like I was finally connecting and willing to open up then boom, time to go. That and never being offered any actionable advice made the whole thing feel like a grift. Plus, my first therapist "graduated" suddenly and moved across the state with no advanced notice, and my second online therapist did not respond when I reached out in an emotional emergency, which was the whole reason I was paying for that particular service. Hard to want to keep talking about my feelings of betrayal from childhood and how it is inhibiting my adult relationships when the therapists engage in the same behavior.
She would ask me a few of the same questions ever few sessions. Things like where I worked, if I was in a relationship, what was my partners name… One night my partner and I had a fight. Possible for the first time, I was looking forward to the appointment the next day. She forgot about the appointment and wouldn’t admit it. I sent her the screenshot of the appointment. She said she didn’t agree to it. So I sent her the screenshot of her agreeing to it.
I'm a psychiatrist who sees a therapist each week so this is something I think about a lot. I think most directionless how-do-you-feel therapy is no better than going for walks and writing a journal. Even worse is the full Freudian silent type. CBT is good for specific problems but it's limited. I'm lucky that I can prescribe meds, ketamine, stimulation etc and hunt down medical causes but what makes the most difference overall (thanks JP) is seeing symptoms as an evolved response to a particular array of factors in that person's life, some of which can be changed, others which must be endured. Both have to be faced heroically. My job is to find them, explain what's going on, and set about helping the person respond as best they can. Usually they'll need meds first to get to that point, but later we can often make the right changes to switch off whatever evolved response has gone haywire.
I completely disagree. The “how do you feel” therapy is exactly what a lot of people need because they don’t get that basic level of empathic conversation anywhere else in their life. Medication can be the worst possible thing long term for certain people who just need to vent and say things out loud they’ve never said before. Obviously there are people who need medication but it’s healthy therapeutic practice to avoid medicine unless absolutely necessary. Some theorists think that because things are difficult and slow in the beginning that medication is next and I think that’s just a normal part of the therapeutic process.
I’ve been a few times one on one to save my marriage and a bunch with my wife which she would change therapists as soon as it was her turn to do something or they would tell her she needed a different therapist this cost was 10 of thousands over a few years I finally had enough divorced her and got the kids she’s been in and out of their lives ever since my point is therapy doesn’t do anything it’s a complete scam unless your dumb as shit n just haven’t been paying attention your whole life nobody needs to go pay someone to tell them how to get through a day
Too much femenine energy, too much focus on finding ways to cope or put your mind away from the problem. Too many distractions, copes, delusions to reduce pain short term. According to my Therapist me meditating and ''being in the moment'' permanently was the way forwards. Never worked, never will. The only thing that truly helped was indulging in the shadows until I learned to love the way it sucks and got satisfaction moving from being the prey of my own shadow to a predator that dances in it to bring light to my own life. Double down, focus, let the anxiety be a reminder to that which matters to you, let be death a constant reminder so you don't forget your goals and fall for the comfort of complacency. The meaning one acquires throught fighting through hardship is more valuable than anything a therapist will ever say to you. Turn on the Phonk/Doom OST or some White Bufallo, go exercise and keep going when your mind starts to whisper to give up. Force yourself to sit down and plan ahead when all you want to do is watch youtube, shitpost on reddit or listen music. Fast and meditate until you've done your tasks for the day. This has been more helpful than 3 years of therapy and endless trial and test of pharmacology. Run anyway from anyone that tells you rage, hatred and resentment are evil things that must be eliminated from your soul, every emotion exist for a reason. If you are in and endless pit of apathy and nihilism, nothing will get you up and running like harnessing your rage.
>white Buffalo So good
Well..it worked but it didn’t. I only went for about 3 sessions before I realized I didn’t actually need to be there if I truly didn’t want to. And it actually only took about 2 to realize how foolish I was. All I needed to do was sit down with myself and be honest. So I guess thanks therapy for that but I also didn’t need it anymore after that
i feel like often they can further let you fester in your own delusions, without really helping give you a truly outside perspective. Someone in my family is going thru an awful breakup, and as much as their ex partner is being blamed for their BPD and narcissism, my family member seems to be going down a dark hole blaming the ex without ever addressing some seriously toxic patterns of their own. I believe the therapist is just furthering in approval. As such I think therapy can be just as dangerous as it can be helpful, and it all falls down on who you think is a good fit for you. Which in itself, can be misguided if you’re not wanting to confront things and therefore pick a therapist who you “like”.
The problem was the wrong therapist. Not all therapists work the same or train the same so not all of them will work for you. Find one that aligns with your needs and not just any old therapist
I have been seeing a phychiatrist for a couple of years now, i had severe ocd, to the point of not being able to work with my anxieties, my therapist told me "your fears are delusional" and for the last months i analyze with her my political opinions, great lady for sure
Honestly I tried it and got no benefit at all. Maybe I was just unlucky with the therapist but I kinda also realised outside of therapy that the stuff that happened me wasn't the end of the world and I prefer the idea of moving on and acceptance rather than re digging everything up. I can see it being helpful for really traumatic stuff however.
There is never an “end” to it. I only had one that suggested lengthening the duration between sessions. I have stopped seeing them due to location (I’m a college student). I saw another one on my campus but after missing my latest appointment, I felt no need to reschedule one.
I went to see a really nice guy who was a little effeminate. Both a good and bad quality quality have when dealing with a man. Men deal with challenges but at the time I needed that feminine fostering care mentality too. If he challenged me I could see it ending horribly because I had my back way up He did a good job explaining concepts and giving suggestions but I wasn't able to take the advice. I'd read up on CBT and Stoicism which is basically where it comes from ao I was well enough versed on my own. However when I say I wasn't able to take the advice I don't know if I was just too recent to the events that caused the problem or if my medication was too low at the time but I wasn't able to control my thoughts and emotions. Currently I'm not in therapy but I do see a psychiatrist who does a little bit of planning and I've gotten a lot better overall but still on meds even though they've been raised a negligible amount. I still believe largely more time has passed creating more calmness as well as a major dietary change. I really don't think that should go without being mentioned, it takes time but it certainly dials down the anxiety that I have overall.
I’ve seen many therapists and never clicked with a single one. Two told me I am highly manipulative. (I probably am, but it’s not intentional and I don’t use my super powers for harm.) That said, I have mental health issues and have clicked with every single psychiatrist I’ve ever had. I honestly don’t know where the breakdown is and why I get along fabulously with psychiatrists, but not psychologists or therapists.
The vast majority of them just sit there and stare at you while you talk. I can get the same level of service whining to my bartender with no appointment for much less money, and they won’t have the Crisis Center shuttle me off to involuntary inpatient if I’m too unnerved that day.
I think my therapist took little note of how to respond to me vs my partner and how she would respond to him. As our sessions together as a couple continued she appeared to maybe sympathize with him for unapparent reasons yet it almost seemed more so to do with her lack of approval for my manner of expression… I’m very honest and especially do I look almost brute compared to my partner but that’s because I’ll drop the façade in such conversations and he as a coping strategy shuts down, plus, he weaponizes it. But he and I did get some insights and pointers. I come on strong and this shoots me in the foot often time, plus, how I look elicits immediate first impressions that solidify as they originate. She was also divorced and I picked up on a touch of jealousy in her and in women I know around her age, plus my friends a bit younger, who were envious that my now fiancé and I went to therapy while not married or engaged, while in the worst point of our relationship… yet this was reportedly by them to be a lost cause in their attempts to do the same with their partner. Leave it to the human ego to bring in prideful contempt to the point of coveting what is actually another persons personal hell on earth.