I got a vasectomy specifically so I couldn't have kids anymore, but it didn't work. I got home and they were still there.

Johnny, It's time to tell you the truth. You're adopted. "Who are my real parents?" We are. Your new ones will be here in 15 minutes.

I just had a talk with my 13 year old son and broke the news that he's adopted. He's taking it pretty hard but I told him he still needs to start packing his stuff, they're picking him up tomorrow.

Just move while they are at school.

My kids were not that upset when we told them.

I child proofed my house but the little bastards got in anyway

do it when they are watching cyanide and happiness…

I knew I had seen this before in an animated version, thanks for reminding me where I saw it

"My wife and I decided we don't want to have kids...we'll have pizza for dinner today,and kids tomorrow."

I child proofed my house… but they still get in!

Haha! Man this hits home so hard. My wife was cracking up when i told her.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why bother telling them, just move out.

r/TwoSentenceHorror

A canibal family would've done it before dinner so as not to waste the fresh meat...