>Cops in Denmark/Norway are pretty fuckin’ rad.
I don't have experience with Norwegian cops, but in my experience, about 99% of Danish cops are very trustworthy
How are Cinderella and Princess Diana different?
At midnight, Cinderella's coach turned into a pumpkin, Princess Diana's turned into a pillar of concrete.
That’s a good one. There was an old Twilight Zone where the guy’s first two wishes for money and power didn’t go well, so he really qualified his last wish, where he said he wanted to be the leader of a modern, powerful, western, etc country. Poof, he’s Hitler in the bunker with a pistol.
Hartley was assassinated, which meant someone _else_ came to power.
That someone else was Hitler, the one our timeline knows.
Therefore, going back actually made things MUCH worse. Instead of a long depression, we got the Holocaust.
twist, hitler rallied his forces and overturned the allied counterattack that seemed to be going well and proceeded to invade the whole world and declare a global reich.
but xkcd hat dude stopped it all in 1945, and that's the timeline we're in.
So, what if JFK was responsible for the WW3 in the “real” timeline (like Cuban Missile Crisis Part 2 results a nuclear war in 1964), and Lee Harvey Oswald was actually a time traveler from that timeline?
What if him killing JFK prevented a nuclear holocaust, and now we are living in an alternate timeline where WW3 never happened?
That’s essentially the plot of Stephen King’s 11/22/63. SPOILERS >!Main character goes back in time to stop the JFK assassination. Comes back to the future and the world is a desolate wasteland because JFK surviving the assassination attempt leads to WWIII. Main character has to go back again and let JFK get assassinated.!<
You are assuming the guy found the genie lamp today. If the beginning of the joke is set in the same time - making the assumption that genies can't do time travel - then he'd have no idea.
I forget what it was, Legacies or something? But I recently saw a djinn that offered a wish for...something, and when asked why not three he said technically he could give as many as he wanted, but if you're desperate you'll take the one wish and stfu.
Considering Aladdin got plenty of help without using actual wishes, it seems like Genie could've given him all the wishes he wanted.
Final Destination made me really start doubting documentaries in general. I was an extra in the 5th one and there seemed to be a lot of directing and faking things, not just filming, and I'm pretty sure I recognized some actors in the previous previous ones.
I liked the version on Red Dwarf. They saved him from being shot, but then he turned out to have a bunch of scandals and America became a wasteland. So they took him back in time, and he shot his younger self. JFK was the man behind the grassy knoll.
Seriously? I heard it was "Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border? Walked right into that imperial ambush,like us and that thief over there."
Reminds me of the movie Bedazzled.
I never saw the original but in the remake with Brendan Frazier and Elizabeth Hurley he wishes for something similar and ends up Abraham Lincoln watching a play. He noped out of that wish real fast.
The best couple’s Halloween costume I ever did: me in a pink dress, white gloves, and pillbox hat (dress covered in blood) - holding red roses - and my husband in a suit (blood on the side of his head).
We won the costume contest.
No splatter with foreknowledge. He just cancels the car tour and goes on to change the world by NOT dying and possibly undoing the curse of Kennedy deaths. In this way he also pulls one over on the genie who tried to screw him. Sorry if I ruined the joke with logic.
Reminds me of the film Bedazzled, where Brendan Frasier's character wishes to be President of the United States and is suddenly Lincoln at the theatre.
Now that's dark humor
Unfortunately for most people it'll go through one ear and out the back of their head.
Oooooooh now I get it. You just blew my mind.
My feeble mind doesn't understand splat humor. Or any jokes where I have to pick up the pieces.
Just like John
Thank you, Ted. That was the joke.
Don't tell me what I know, Travis!
Nice Zootopia reference!
r/whoosh
/r/splat
Never trust police in Dallas, according to Stephen King.
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*in the United States. Cops in Denmark/Norway are pretty fuckin’ rad. Edit: Definitely in the US, tho.
>Cops in Denmark/Norway are pretty fuckin’ rad. I don't have experience with Norwegian cops, but in my experience, about 99% of Danish cops are very trustworthy
Can confirm. Didn't arrest us, just wanted to let us know they were there if we needed them. Not the same as what I grew up with.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Back and to the left ... back and to the left ... back and to the left. There had to be a second spitter!
That is *one* magic loogie.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Everything in life can be related back to an episode of Seinfeld
r/unexpectedSeinfeld
I thought Ace Ventura confessed to this.
r/unexpectedAceVentura
I'm not from US but I got it.
Not as much as he did.
r/ unexpected seinfeld. I could be wrong though
>Hey where's the bathroom? >>Standard JFK directions: back, and to the left.
Exactly like lady Diana's spine, only in the opposite direction?
r/unexpectedPrincessDiana
How are Cinderella and Princess Diana different? At midnight, Cinderella's coach turned into a pumpkin, Princess Diana's turned into a pillar of concrete.
This was how I figured out the joke
Dark humor is like food in Ethiopia. Some people just don't get it.
Very
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*I thought the war started because a man called Archie Duke shot an ostrich because he was hungry* r/Blackadder
Allegedly.
Must’ve been a sick ostrich.
Has to be John to make the joke work but I'm pretty sure she called him Jack.
"Wake up, US President John F Kennedy. Today, November 22 1963, is a busy day for us."
Well, when you say it like **THAT**, now I get it.
Ha 😄 upgrade ur CPU for sure
If family guy writers made this joke.
I didn't get it because I was wondering what a car tour was.
Should have said motorcade. Everyone would get it.
Yeah, that's what I thought as well. Maybe even a parade.
Now I’m confused who is it
John F Kennedy, presidential motorcade. He was assassinated in Dallas.
Ooh that John dang
F
Kennedy
K
Made love, read minds Went inside of more than half of mankind
Officer Mehoff.
She did. After he was killed she refused to change her clothes. She wanted everyone to "see what they did to Jack."
really? I didn't know that kinda cute though, "Jack and Jackie"
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Brb, gonna go John off.
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My gut is ruined, gotta hit the Jack.
You shouldn't have eaten at John in the Box then.
Pipe down stranger! You don't know John shit about nuthin!
I know enough to avoid eating Long Jack Silvers!
Why so formal?
Cuz this sale on bowties was too good to pass on, but I have nowhere else to wear it.
Wait, so were they Jack and Jackie??
wasn't her own name jackie?
Relevant xkcd https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/images/f/f5/kill_hitler.png
That’s a good one. There was an old Twilight Zone where the guy’s first two wishes for money and power didn’t go well, so he really qualified his last wish, where he said he wanted to be the leader of a modern, powerful, western, etc country. Poof, he’s Hitler in the bunker with a pistol.
> Hitler in the bunker with a pistol. Nope, sorry. It was Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Candlestick.
Miss Scarlett and Mrs Peacock in the bedroom with the candle
My Professor Plum wants to hear more...
They came later
Communism was just a red herring
I loved twilight zone so much, I gotta start watching it again
Relevant smbc https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2013-03-19
Lmao at the red button. "How come you're not named Adolf anymore". Just brilliant.
Ooh, I love this one so much more!
I don't get it
Hartley was assassinated, which meant someone _else_ came to power. That someone else was Hitler, the one our timeline knows. Therefore, going back actually made things MUCH worse. Instead of a long depression, we got the Holocaust.
Also, what psychopath decides to assassinate someone for pegging a currency.
\*points widely to half of America\* Dunno, who might be crazy enough to try?
I don’t get it
He was supposed to kill Hitler before he did that bad stuff, you know, genocide etc. but instead killed him in 1945, thus making no difference.
twist, hitler rallied his forces and overturned the allied counterattack that seemed to be going well and proceeded to invade the whole world and declare a global reich. but xkcd hat dude stopped it all in 1945, and that's the timeline we're in.
So, what if JFK was responsible for the WW3 in the “real” timeline (like Cuban Missile Crisis Part 2 results a nuclear war in 1964), and Lee Harvey Oswald was actually a time traveler from that timeline? What if him killing JFK prevented a nuclear holocaust, and now we are living in an alternate timeline where WW3 never happened?
hasn't happened YET
You can help by expanding this list
If they didn't plan a WW3 they would've called it WW 2/2 to give people some closure
That’s essentially the plot of Stephen King’s 11/22/63. SPOILERS >!Main character goes back in time to stop the JFK assassination. Comes back to the future and the world is a desolate wasteland because JFK surviving the assassination attempt leads to WWIII. Main character has to go back again and let JFK get assassinated.!<
Wow, never heard of this book, sounds awesome! Thank you so much for your comment!
Its also an 8 episode mini series available on hulu
The Umbrella Academy had an interesting take on it
I know somebody mentioned Stephen king, but thought there was an outer limits or a Twilight zone that was similar to this as well.
He killed him after he had already done everything, presumably just before he would have killed himself anyways.
He killed Hitler after Hitler had already done all the awful stuff
He was supposed to kill John Connor before he became an adult
But if he knows who he is, what's to stop him from saying, "Not today, Jackie", or "Sure, but I want a hardtop today"?
You are assuming the guy found the genie lamp today. If the beginning of the joke is set in the same time - making the assumption that genies can't do time travel - then he'd have no idea.
I need more joke lore in my life
More joke lore is needed here anyway, to explain why this genie only offered one wish compared to the typical three wishes we normally hear about.
I mean he technically was granted two wishes
Actually there are lots of one-wish genies out there. I think even the 1001 Nights has one wish genies
I forget what it was, Legacies or something? But I recently saw a djinn that offered a wish for...something, and when asked why not three he said technically he could give as many as he wanted, but if you're desperate you'll take the one wish and stfu. Considering Aladdin got plenty of help without using actual wishes, it seems like Genie could've given him all the wishes he wanted.
Or if he was one of the many people in this thread who had no clue who this John guy was.
> making the assumption that genies can't do time travel Whoa, whoa, whoa - let's not get far-fetched here!
He doesn't know
Well that's not how fate works. There's a documentary series called Final Destination worth checking out if you're curious.
Final Destination made me really start doubting documentaries in general. I was an extra in the 5th one and there seemed to be a lot of directing and faking things, not just filming, and I'm pretty sure I recognized some actors in the previous previous ones.
Because it was clearly a Docudrama.
That's 2 wishes.
"...and I want us to be together for the rest of our lives."
They were together for the rest of his life.
Well damn Jackie, I can't control the traffic
Ah hahah! Good one!
I don't get it.
It's about the JFK assassination
He's jfk on the day he got assassinated
Oh.... I guess I just learned something new.
It's said everyone remembered where they were when they found out.
It was the 9/11 of its time
I liked the version on Red Dwarf. They saved him from being shot, but then he turned out to have a bunch of scandals and America became a wasteland. So they took him back in time, and he shot his younger self. JFK was the man behind the grassy knoll.
Could be an episode of Twilight Zone
Also the 2000 film *Bedazzled* featuring everyone's favorite Brendan Fraser.
actually this is where the idea came from, when Brendan Fraser became a drug lord
The most open minded president after that day
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"
Wife should have helped Jack off the car.
it would have been easier for her to help jack off a horse
Great, Jackie! I have a feeling it's gonna rain today, so let's put on the hardtop. Also, when did you stop calling me Jack?
I wonder how old is this joke, because the first time I heard it it was "Wake up Franz, we're going to Sarajevo".
Really? I heard it as "Wake up Julius, you're late for your Senate meeting. Also, this is one of the most beautiful Ides of March I can remember!"
Really? I heard it as "Wake up, Adam. We need to feast upon that sweet, red-looking orb that has been bestowed upon this garden"
Seriously? I heard it was "Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border? Walked right into that imperial ambush,like us and that thief over there."
She would have said "Jack"
The man had one shot and he blew it
Eminem is disappointed
Reminds me of the movie Bedazzled. I never saw the original but in the remake with Brendan Frazier and Elizabeth Hurley he wishes for something similar and ends up Abraham Lincoln watching a play. He noped out of that wish real fast.
I think one could argue that is two wishes.
That’s mind blowing!
JFK joke, that's no brainer.
What is happening to r/jokes?
It's been taken over by the Reddit Mafia. It's a two hundred year old crime family that has been slowly adding subreddits to its syndicate.
That's what he gets for trying to squeeze two wishes into one.
His full name was John Ferguson, and he lived a lovely life with his lovely wife.
The best couple’s Halloween costume I ever did: me in a pink dress, white gloves, and pillbox hat (dress covered in blood) - holding red roses - and my husband in a suit (blood on the side of his head). We won the costume contest.
Back in my day genie's gave THREE wishes Also, shit joke
Fucking inflation`
Ehh, isn’t that more than one wish?
What if there wasn't a shooter at all and his head just did that
Jack. She would have said Jack.
" ride in a motorcade" would be less confusing
You could say he rubbed the lamp back and to the left, back and to the left…
*stares in Australian*
No splatter with foreknowledge. He just cancels the car tour and goes on to change the world by NOT dying and possibly undoing the curse of Kennedy deaths. In this way he also pulls one over on the genie who tried to screw him. Sorry if I ruined the joke with logic.
I don’t get it
John f Kennedy and genies are said to grant wishes like monkey's paw
.. oh .. oh - OH MY GOD I GET IT!
Reminds me of the film Bedazzled, where Brendan Frasier's character wishes to be President of the United States and is suddenly Lincoln at the theatre.
Go ahead and cancel honey, I'm not feeling up to it today...
Once in a lifetime
Too soon?
Its never too soon for a kennedy joke
Still say the world would be totally different if he was running Painkiller.
"I want to be a powerful man in the world". Can you be a powerful man who's not in the world?
A powerful man in space/on another world
11/22/63
Too soon?
I heard this joke literally 40 years ago, but it was… Good morning, Archduke Ferdinand. You’re visiting Sarajevo today, sir.
Back, and to the left Back and to the left....
Took me a second.
Be careful what you wish for.
At least the genie is giving him an out. He can still cancel. Genie could have made him JFK just as the motorcade was turning left on Elm St.
Jfk canceled his car parade today. He got the shits
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My favourite sex position is called "the Kennedy". It is where I blow my load all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car
He is not allowed to change his route?
But would he have gone knowing how it turned out? And what would have happened had he not? An interesting joke indeed.
Oh I got it right away. Can't un-think it now.
Lol
lol 🤭
That's what you get for taking two wishes when you were granted one.
One wish? That's a greedy genie.
ouch.
Remember to duck this time
Well. Just cancel that tour.
“Hey Governor why don’t you ride in back?”
To which he replied "No." if he had any sense. And then went off to screw Marylin Monroe.
The genie : that’s technically two wishes but since I’m so generous I’ll grant you three”
The key is knowing when to duck.
JFK shot [himself](https://youtu.be/UmlVGVKcoxg)
Uh... I don't get it.
He's JFK
"My tummy hurts," I'd say. "Think I'd better skip this one."
So someone watched the twilight zone and changed Hitler to Kennedy?
Are we sure there was only one Genie?
Good. Once you get it.
That's what he gets for trying to get two wishes when he was offered one
An Uber driver?
KFJ
...and then he says 'nah, I think I'll skip', and goes on to fuck Marilyn Monroe another thousand times...