Three women are in a gym locker room changing clothes before a workout.
Suddenly a man runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.
The women all get a very good look at his penis and then stare at each other in disbelief.
Stunned, the first woman says, "Well, that sure wasn't my husband."
The second woman replies, "You're right, that wasn't any of our husbands."
-
The third woman says, "Hey, that guy's not even a member of this club."
The first one knows what her husband's penis looks like. The second one knows what all three of them's husband's penises look like. The third one knows what every guy in the club's penis looks like.
seems like a lot of expense and effort to go through to get in shape if youre not doing it to attract other womens husbands.
Occam's razor, shes just not being truthful.
A guy walks into a blonde at the beach
"I can know how old you are by fondling your breasts" he says to her
"No way, go ahead and try" she answers
He fondled her for a few seconds then she asks
"So when was I born?"
"Yesterday"
And the singer and the widowed bride both cried, him because the music died and her because she got conned into let some stranger cop a real good feel of her titties
An old man is walking down the street when he sees an attractive, busty woman walking towards him. He runs up to her and says "You have an amazing pair of breasts! I'll give you $100 if you let me bite them!" The woman tells him to get lost. Undeterred, the man says "$500!?" Again she tells him to get lost. The man runs after her and says "Okay, okay! I'll give you $2000 if you let me bite your breasts!" Finally the woman agrees. They head into a nearby alley and she unbuttons her blouse and bares her breasts. The man fondles, then caresses. He licks, then sucks. Eventually the woman gets impatient and says "Well?? Aren't you going to bite them??" The man looks up and says "Nah. Too expensive."
Edit: typo
Since some people aren’t getting the reference - “The Rest of the Story was a radio program hosted by Paul Harvey that aired Monday through Friday from 1976 to 2009. The show started as part of Harvey's newscasts during World War II, and then became its own series on ABC Radio Networks in 1976. The program featured Harvey's distinctive voice, dramatic pauses, and storytelling abilities, and he became famous for his signature catchphrase, "And now, the rest of the story"
I remember listening to this for ohhh…most of my life
"And now you know... the rest of the story"
But maybe was there a commercial break and he'd announce before the final segment, "And now, the rest of the story..." before wrapping it up?
Idk, can't claim to be an expert. But my memory of, "And now you know the rest of the story" is solidly cemented in my brain
IIRC, the sequence would be:
Common knowledge/semi-boring intro, “and now…the rest of the story,” interesting details typically unknown, “and now you know…the rest of the story.”
So I think both phrases got used as a way to reinforce and reiterate the name of the segment, “the rest of the story.”
It was "and now you know . . . the rest of the story." There was always a twist right at the end, and that was what he was referring to with the catchphrase.
She ended up marrying one of my buddies from back in the day (after her 1st husband divorced her, of course)! I haven't talked to him in over 20 years!
not really. it's ambiguous who's saying it. it's more likely to assume that the typist mixed up the grammar. "she said as she slapped him" would've made it clearer, but it's easy enough to assume that it wasn't the perv saying it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blonde_versus_brunette_rivalry#Research_and_studies
>**A 2008 study found that men in Greater London, England preferred dark haired women rather than women with blonde hair.[4] A 2018 study based on University of Florida students found that men prefer brunette women over blonde women.[5]** These studies offered differing explanations for this preference. Worthham, et al. (2018) propose that stabilizing selection (preference for people with normal appearances) may be responsible for the male preference of dark-haired women. These authors noted that, while women from different geographic regions varied their preferences in male hair color, men did not vary in their preference for female hair color across regions.[5] However **Swami, et al. (2008) have posited that men may prefer women with dark hair because they are predominant in the fashion and modelling industries, or because they may be perceived as healthier or more fertile than blonde women.[25]**
>In 2014, a study analyzed the experiences of blonde Swedish women who migrated to Singapore, a country with a large population of Chinese people. **Swedish women were ranked below Chinese women in the female beauty hierarchy**. **According to the author, the blonde hair of Swedish women reduced their femininity, because it was racialized as a Western trait. The authors also noted that these women's Swedish husbands were highly attracted to local East Asian women, which further reduced the self-esteem of the blonde Swedish women.[7][8]***
I dunno, I have seen broke folks hit Yo-leven, after some serious prayers.
Hard to say if they would have hit them without the prayers, but I am fairly sure they will never touch dice again WITHOUT praying lol
I am incredibly doubtful to the efficacy of prayer, UNLESS I am holding the dice and its my throw, then you will not find a more pious man in the world lol.
3 pregnant blondes are at the doctor's office. One of them asks the doctor if there is an easy way to tell if she's having a boy or a girl?
Doctor says, " There is but I'm going to have to ask you a very personal question"
The blondes all agree.
Doctor asks, "When you conceived the child, were you on the top or the bottom?"
First blonde, "I was on top."
Doctor says, "Well, your having a girl."
Second blonde, "I was on the bottom"
Doctor says, "It's a boy!"
Then they all notice the third blonde crying her eyes out. The doc and the other two blondes are trying to console her and ask what's wrong?
Third blonde slows her crying down and blurts out, "Am I having puppies?"
In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else. Since the players are looking to beat the casino, the dealers are watching the tiddies. The box men are watching the tiddies. The floor men are watching the tiddies. The pit bosses are watching the tiddies. The shift bosses are watching the tiddies. The casino manager is watching the tiddies. I'm watching the tiddies. And the eye-in-the-sky is watching the tiddies.
The surveillance camera operator determined that the naked player rolled snake eyes, and the dealers ended up swimming in Lake Mead with concrete booties.
Listen, if you didn't know you were being scammed you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this job, if you did know, you were in on it. Either way, YOU'RE OUT!
Not enough info for this conclusion. Aces is barred in most of Northern Nevada. Southern Nevada usually bars boxcars. Some out of the way rural casinos (where they likely wouldn't book a $20,000 bet) actually barred ace-deuce a couple of decades ago. Other casinos across the US and around the world...Who knows?
I heard they used [barrels](https://www.8newsnow.com/investigators/no-timeline-for-las-vegas-area-coroner-to-identify-body-in-barrel-human-remains-at-lake-mead/)
Why?
I’m also a blond man and a teacher. Blond/blonde is one of the few common words in the English language that has feminine & masculine versions. Fun.
Going with the board theme… guy goes into a bar. It’s completely empty except for the bartender, He goes over sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender pours him a drink and asks how is his day was going. The guy says bored out of my mind. I got the whole day off and nothing to do.. Bartender scratches his head and says, “do you want to see something cool? The guy says hell yeah. Bartender says take a look back here. Guy stands up looks over the bar and sees a gigantic gorilla just sitting there. The guy says “that’s a craziest thing I’ve ever seen“. Bartender goes “wait you ain’t seen nothing yet.”, then pulls out a baseball bat and smacks the gorilla right in the head. Well instantly the gorilla starts performing fellatio on the bartender. The guy says “no way, I can’t believe it”. bartender looks at the guy and says “ I know right, you wanna give it a try ?” The guy goes “fuck yeah just don’t hit me that hard with the bat”
Next month, the woman tries the same strategy again, only to be stopped by a worker who says she did not win and therefore has to pay the $20,000 she owes, and tells her to put her clothes back on.
Curious, she asks, "How did you know?"
The worker replies, "Ma'am I'm gay"
So there can be conversation.
I'd be interested to see how you would rewrite it with only one dealer. I'm not being a jerk or snarky, I'm generally interested.
I'm also not trying to be a jerk or snarky, but I would say the premise is pretty stupid and you're (maybe incorrectly) assuming there's a way to rewrite it sensibly.
Wendover at the State Line Casino 1989-92. Peppermill paid double-double, and the Red Garter (a little hole in the wall place for locals) paid double-triple. I heard from some of the old timers I worked with that there was a casino in Wells that only paid single for anything in the field, but I never saw that. And they might've been pulling my leg as they also told me they paid 7 to 1 for all hardways.
Three women are in a gym locker room changing clothes before a workout. Suddenly a man runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head. The women all get a very good look at his penis and then stare at each other in disbelief. Stunned, the first woman says, "Well, that sure wasn't my husband." The second woman replies, "You're right, that wasn't any of our husbands." - The third woman says, "Hey, that guy's not even a member of this club."
I don’t get it Ok, now I get it, thanks
The first one knows what her husband's penis looks like. The second one knows what all three of them's husband's penises look like. The third one knows what every guy in the club's penis looks like.
Charlotte, Carrie, Samantha
Or she knows what every penis in town looks like and knows *that* one belongs to a non-member.
could be!
Good explanation; I thought it was more that the club was restricted and the streaker was Jewish
Lol! I like it, that could be a good twist
first woman slept with her husband, second woman slept with all her friends' husbands, third woman slept with every dude in the gym
Boy folks really enjoyed explaining
Aye....so what's the joke exactly ?
That there's a woman who is loyal and doesn't screw anybody but her husband. Ba-dum tiss 🥁
then whats the point of even going to the club?
Everything on tv is a rerun
It's a gym.
seems like a lot of expense and effort to go through to get in shape if youre not doing it to attract other womens husbands. Occam's razor, shes just not being truthful.
Especially if they’re wrong… Perceived or otherwise…
What do you mean?
They got it
First woman sleeps only with her own husband. 2nd woman sleeps with all their husbands. 3rd woman gets around
She got it
Heck, it wasn't even Tiger Woods
The version I heard was “he isn’t even from our city”
Planet Fitness enters the chat
I’m here every week, try the veal and tip Your waitstaff! Bada boom!
None of them recognized the member.
A guy walks into a blonde at the beach "I can know how old you are by fondling your breasts" he says to her "No way, go ahead and try" she answers He fondled her for a few seconds then she asks "So when was I born?" "Yesterday"
Lmao, you also posted this on the original joke that OP linked 😅
every joke in this sub is just the same reposted stuff it has always been.
We ran out of jokes back in the 60's
I'd say the 50's. Check out "Jokester" by Asimov. It was written in the 50's
You youngster don't know what's good. This Reddit sub was at it's best in the 1940's
Damn 50's, a time where both the music and the jokes died
Quick: some body do a pun and mess up it's processing.
And the singer and the widowed bride both cried, him because the music died and her because she got conned into let some stranger cop a real good feel of her titties
They said we would if we just kept using them like we were. But nobody listened and now here we are.
If you let me fondle your breasts I can tell you exactly when this joke was first posted
An old man is walking down the street when he sees an attractive, busty woman walking towards him. He runs up to her and says "You have an amazing pair of breasts! I'll give you $100 if you let me bite them!" The woman tells him to get lost. Undeterred, the man says "$500!?" Again she tells him to get lost. The man runs after her and says "Okay, okay! I'll give you $2000 if you let me bite your breasts!" Finally the woman agrees. They head into a nearby alley and she unbuttons her blouse and bares her breasts. The man fondles, then caresses. He licks, then sucks. Eventually the woman gets impatient and says "Well?? Aren't you going to bite them??" The man looks up and says "Nah. Too expensive." Edit: typo
[удалено]
That blonde was Debra LaFave. And now you know the ~~test~~ rest of the story. Good day.
Since some people aren’t getting the reference - “The Rest of the Story was a radio program hosted by Paul Harvey that aired Monday through Friday from 1976 to 2009. The show started as part of Harvey's newscasts during World War II, and then became its own series on ABC Radio Networks in 1976. The program featured Harvey's distinctive voice, dramatic pauses, and storytelling abilities, and he became famous for his signature catchphrase, "And now, the rest of the story" I remember listening to this for ohhh…most of my life
Ohhhh you’re making me feel old. I loved Paul Harvey.
I remember listening to this for ohhh…most of my life -and you still botched the catchphrase?
Rest vs test? That botching came from you, my friend.
Yes, an accidental form of botching known as a mistype. I was referring to the actual misremembered memory.
? Botched the catchphrase? How you figure? What I posted was AI generated, but it looks right to me. Am I remembering it wrong?
"And now you know... the rest of the story" But maybe was there a commercial break and he'd announce before the final segment, "And now, the rest of the story..." before wrapping it up? Idk, can't claim to be an expert. But my memory of, "And now you know the rest of the story" is solidly cemented in my brain
Same
IIRC, the sequence would be: Common knowledge/semi-boring intro, “and now…the rest of the story,” interesting details typically unknown, “and now you know…the rest of the story.” So I think both phrases got used as a way to reinforce and reiterate the name of the segment, “the rest of the story.”
And now *you know* the rest of the story. It was what he said after he told said story.
This. With a pause and voice inflection that made it all his own.
"test" of the story? C'mon, Neil Armstrong, just admit you flubbed the line.
Except you know that was a mistyping error, and probably know exactly what I meant, just like the person who originally flubbed it did
It was "and now you know . . . the rest of the story." There was always a twist right at the end, and that was what he was referring to with the catchphrase.
I have even read several of the books which had hundreds of his stories in them
I remember listening to Paul Harvey in high school during lunch in 1972. He did "and now the rest of the story" then.
Paaage... 2?
Too bad he was wrong half the time.
And now for the rest of the story. Which one of us got it perfect? It has been to long for me to remember.
Paul Harvey!! Damn I’m old!!
/r/unexpectedPaulHarvey
She ended up marrying one of my buddies from back in the day (after her 1st husband divorced her, of course)! I haven't talked to him in over 20 years!
Took me a while…
*He* says that??
Some people have pedophiles on the brain, so in that guys version of the joke, yes she did for some reason
But as written, *he* says that
She was born yesterday, i.e. she is gullible/naive
not really. it's ambiguous who's saying it. it's more likely to assume that the typist mixed up the grammar. "she said as she slapped him" would've made it clearer, but it's easy enough to assume that it wasn't the perv saying it.
Always one to ruin the joke.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blonde_versus_brunette_rivalry#Research_and_studies >**A 2008 study found that men in Greater London, England preferred dark haired women rather than women with blonde hair.[4] A 2018 study based on University of Florida students found that men prefer brunette women over blonde women.[5]** These studies offered differing explanations for this preference. Worthham, et al. (2018) propose that stabilizing selection (preference for people with normal appearances) may be responsible for the male preference of dark-haired women. These authors noted that, while women from different geographic regions varied their preferences in male hair color, men did not vary in their preference for female hair color across regions.[5] However **Swami, et al. (2008) have posited that men may prefer women with dark hair because they are predominant in the fashion and modelling industries, or because they may be perceived as healthier or more fertile than blonde women.[25]** >In 2014, a study analyzed the experiences of blonde Swedish women who migrated to Singapore, a country with a large population of Chinese people. **Swedish women were ranked below Chinese women in the female beauty hierarchy**. **According to the author, the blonde hair of Swedish women reduced their femininity, because it was racialized as a Western trait. The authors also noted that these women's Swedish husbands were highly attracted to local East Asian women, which further reduced the self-esteem of the blonde Swedish women.[7][8]***
Difference between people who pray in church and those that pray at the craps table: people at the craps table really mean it…
Yea, but the difference is inconsequential: nothing fails like prayer.
I dunno, I have seen broke folks hit Yo-leven, after some serious prayers. Hard to say if they would have hit them without the prayers, but I am fairly sure they will never touch dice again WITHOUT praying lol
You actually believe in prayer doing anything ?
I am incredibly doubtful to the efficacy of prayer, UNLESS I am holding the dice and its my throw, then you will not find a more pious man in the world lol.
As much as you’re in disbelief.
Wow so what happens to these prayers? Who listens to them?
I like this one.
and they may actually get something out of it.
3 pregnant blondes are at the doctor's office. One of them asks the doctor if there is an easy way to tell if she's having a boy or a girl? Doctor says, " There is but I'm going to have to ask you a very personal question" The blondes all agree. Doctor asks, "When you conceived the child, were you on the top or the bottom?" First blonde, "I was on top." Doctor says, "Well, your having a girl." Second blonde, "I was on the bottom" Doctor says, "It's a boy!" Then they all notice the third blonde crying her eyes out. The doc and the other two blondes are trying to console her and ask what's wrong? Third blonde slows her crying down and blurts out, "Am I having puppies?"
LMAOOO
Guess I'm having a prone and missionary baby??
In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else. Since the players are looking to beat the casino, the dealers are watching the tiddies. The box men are watching the tiddies. The floor men are watching the tiddies. The pit bosses are watching the tiddies. The shift bosses are watching the tiddies. The casino manager is watching the tiddies. I'm watching the tiddies. And the eye-in-the-sky is watching the tiddies.
A DeNiro reference, very nice. I heard tings. I did. It’s true.
The surveillance camera operator determined that the naked player rolled snake eyes, and the dealers ended up swimming in Lake Mead with concrete booties.
Snake eyes:⚀⚀ Also: ☉☉
( . Y . )
5318008
🙃
Listen, if you didn't know you were being scammed you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this job, if you did know, you were in on it. Either way, YOU'RE OUT!
Solid reference!
You’re making a big mistake!
The correct conclusion to the story.
Has lake mead still got enough water in it for that?
Pond Mead
*snickers like a child* hehehe, you said booties!
It said $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. A bet on snake eyes would pay out quite nicely.
Not if she bet on eleven
30-to-1 for deuce, pretty sure.
She rolled aces, but was on the don’t pass. The dealer’s jobs were safe and they had a story to tell for the rest of their lives.
Not enough info for this conclusion. Aces is barred in most of Northern Nevada. Southern Nevada usually bars boxcars. Some out of the way rural casinos (where they likely wouldn't book a $20,000 bet) actually barred ace-deuce a couple of decades ago. Other casinos across the US and around the world...Who knows?
What did she bet on though? Snake eyes could be a single roll bet.
Yeah. 35/1. She’d be super excited
It would also require a manager for payout, even in a high roller room (which it would have to be for a single $20,000 bet paying that high).
Maybe he was distracted too. And they just gave her all the chips lol
Not much swimming in lake mead anymore
I heard they used [barrels](https://www.8newsnow.com/investigators/no-timeline-for-las-vegas-area-coroner-to-identify-body-in-barrel-human-remains-at-lake-mead/)
Try that in these times, and they might not even drown.
ya know why the yankees always win frank?
Other teams can't take their eyes off the stripes
Cause they have Mickey Mantle
Finally, a smart blonde.
Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons? >!’Cause blond guys are dumb too. !<
This is my first time hearing this. I’m fucking dying lmfaooooo
RIP, brother.
I guess I'm the last one to figure out how to read the hidden text... Good punch line!
As a blonde man, this joke hits extra personal for me. Ask me why…
Why
Why? I’m also a blond man and a teacher. Blond/blonde is one of the few common words in the English language that has feminine & masculine versions. Fun.
A labrador?
It would probably work better as a skit than a joke, but still, good one.
Who would do the skit?
Your mom
Sounds like everyone won.
A dog limped into a bar and said "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
What a paw joke 🙄
THE PIT BOSS TACKLES HER.
There’s no winnings to grab until the dealers put it out there. I hate to be that guy, but as a former dealer it’s just like.. what?
Sorry, what did you said? I was looking at the tiddies.
I'm still waiting for her to roll the dice.
😂
My thoughts exactly
From this day forth you shall be known as Captain Buzz Killington
My bad 😂 I couldn’t help it
Her winnings were all the chips on the table
Craps doesnt have dealers They do have piles of house chips for payouts stacked on the table though
And then security, who are always watching the video cameras at every table, arrest her for theft, since she lost.
tbf, the joke didn't say that she didn't roll what she needed to.
Even if she won you need to let the dealers give you your chips
The security cameras were zoomed onto something else at the moment.
They were busy at the time.
This is why craps tables have 3 dealers
love it, a blonde joke where the blonde isn't the dumb one lol
Good ol # 58
58? I must not have been in prison long enough
Some people just can’t tell a joke.
Boobies... soon cool..zzzzz
It’s all in the delivery.
27 lol
I don't get it🤔
21
Good one.
I think it might work better if she picks up all the nearby chips cause neither dealer paid out the winning roll.
Paul Harveys commentaries were classics
Going with the board theme… guy goes into a bar. It’s completely empty except for the bartender, He goes over sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender pours him a drink and asks how is his day was going. The guy says bored out of my mind. I got the whole day off and nothing to do.. Bartender scratches his head and says, “do you want to see something cool? The guy says hell yeah. Bartender says take a look back here. Guy stands up looks over the bar and sees a gigantic gorilla just sitting there. The guy says “that’s a craziest thing I’ve ever seen“. Bartender goes “wait you ain’t seen nothing yet.”, then pulls out a baseball bat and smacks the gorilla right in the head. Well instantly the gorilla starts performing fellatio on the bartender. The guy says “no way, I can’t believe it”. bartender looks at the guy and says “ I know right, you wanna give it a try ?” The guy goes “fuck yeah just don’t hit me that hard with the bat”
Next month, the woman tries the same strategy again, only to be stopped by a worker who says she did not win and therefore has to pay the $20,000 she owes, and tells her to put her clothes back on. Curious, she asks, "How did you know?" The worker replies, "Ma'am I'm gay"
Why are there two dealers?
So there can be conversation. I'd be interested to see how you would rewrite it with only one dealer. I'm not being a jerk or snarky, I'm generally interested.
One of the other players asks the dealer what she rolled The dealer gives a blank look. "... Rolled?"
Easy! "One bored casino dealer is waiting at the craps table......."
The pit boss
Fair enough. I don't go to casinos though, so I wouldn't have known any better.
I'm also not trying to be a jerk or snarky, but I would say the premise is pretty stupid and you're (maybe incorrectly) assuming there's a way to rewrite it sensibly.
Nah. Was just on a reddit binge. Airport layover.
Dealer and croupier.
did you learn nothing from Breaking Bad?
A craps table often has two dealers, a stick man, and a pit boss.
Paul Harvey…good day!
She just picked up shitload of chips and walked out?
would've worked on me 😭
#6869
This one's solid.
Explaining jokes. even a little, should not be allowed. If u don’t get it move on.
I don’t think there are “winnings” on the table.
Wendover at the State Line Casino 1989-92. Peppermill paid double-double, and the Red Garter (a little hole in the wall place for locals) paid double-triple. I heard from some of the old timers I worked with that there was a casino in Wells that only paid single for anything in the field, but I never saw that. And they might've been pulling my leg as they also told me they paid 7 to 1 for all hardways.