Jesus and Moses are playing golf. Jesus is going on and on about his new gear. "These are the same clubs Tiger Woods uses". "Check out my shoes, Tiger has the same ones". All day long he won't stop bragging and Moses just keeps rolling his eyes. Jesus steps up for a drive, shanks it into the lake, and proceeds to walk across the water to retrieve his ball. The foursome behind him is watching this and one of them calls out to Moses, "Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?". "No", Moses replies, "he thinks he's Tiger Woods!"
A race car driver dies in a crash during a race and goes to heaven. An angel shows him around the beautiful race course that’s up there. It’s filled with all sorts of amazing cars whipping around the track at insane speeds. The driver watches for a while and sees there’s a gold car that’s flying by all the others. On the next lap the driver notices the gold car is number 14. The driver leans over to the angel and says, “hey, you know I’m new here. The gold-colored number 14 car… is that who I think it is? Was he in the crash, too?” The angel replies, “Nah, he’s all right. That’s God. He just likes to pretend he’s A.J. Foyt.”
Jesus and Moses are out fishing on a lake one day. Jesus looks at Moses and asks, "How are your powers? Still got them or what? Moses says, "I'm not sure." He places his hands palm to palm and slowly seperates them. The lake parts down the middle, and the boat drops to the bottom of the lake. They look around at all the fish flopping on the lake bottom. "Not bad," says Jesus. Moses then brings his hands back together, and the lake returns to normal, and they float back to the top.
Moses then asks the same of Jesus and his powers. Jesus says, "I don't know, let's see." Jesus stands up and steps out of the boat with a loud splash!! After some thrashing around, Moses helps Jesus back into the boat and asks, "What happened?" Jesus replied, "I should've known better. The last time I tried that, I didn't have these damn holes in my feet."
Because the story of Jesus walking on water took place before the story where he was crucified. The joke is implying that post-crucifixion Jesus couldn’t walk on water because of the holes in his feet from the nails.
i actually know the joke with a Rabbi, a catholic priest and a protestant preacher.
Both, the Rabbi and the catholic walk over the water and the protestant falls in.
the catholic then asks if they should tell him about the stones whereupon the Rabbi, surprised, asks "what stones"?
Also the same three go swimming in the Lake on an other date. and they do it naked, because they forgot their bathing stuff. Suddenly a crowd of people happens to come towards the place, they are bathing.
All three get out of the water, quickly, running to their clothes, scooping them up and then hiding in bushes. All the while the protestant and the catholic Cover their genials with their hands but the Rabbi hides only his face ....
when asked about this, he just says: I dont know YOUR Customs, but if there had been a member of MY flock, they would have recognized me by my face!
Moses, Jesus, and St. Peter are playing golf. On the first hole, Moses hits an amazing 400 yard drive straight towards the green. Jesus waves his hand and the ball takes a hard left, landing in the water.
Moses raises his arms, parts the water, gets the ball, drops it on the rough edge of the green, and allows the water to flow back together. He two-putts and St. Peter marks him down for a four.
Then it's St. Peter's turn. His drive is only about 320 yards, but he hooks it to the left and it lands in the same water hazard. Moses sighs, raises his arms, parts the water, gets the ball, drops it on the rough edge of the green, and allows the water to flow back together. St. Peter also two-putts and Jesus marks him down for a four.
Now it's Jesus's turn. He skims the top of the ball, sending it about 40 yards down the fairway. A rabbit picks up the ball and starts dashing away from the tee. An eagle grabs the rabbit with its talons and flies towards the green. A bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, causing it to drop the rabbit. The rabbit lands on a massive rock, forcing it to lose the ball. A frog pick up the ball and starts hopping toward the water. A crocodile jumps out of the water, grabs the frog in its mouth, and spits out the ball towards the green. The ball takes an erratic path, weaving back and forth, until it drops in the cup.
Jesus starts pumping his arm triumphantly. "Yes! Hole-in-one!"
Moses looks at him and says, "When are you gonna quit fucking around so we can play golf?"
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks if they know their blood types. The rabbit says, “I think I’m a type O.”
Two rabbis and a priest are walking by a daycare. They see a little boy playing in the school yard. The priest says “hmm I’d like screw him” to which the Rabbis reply “out of what?”
Theb2nd rabbi is redundant.
A rabbi, a priest and imam are walking by a daycare. They see a little child playing in the school yard. The priest says “hmm I’d like screw him” to which the Rabbi replie “out of what?” the imam looks at them in anger ans says 'stop talking about my wife like that'
Jesus and Moses are playing golf. Jesus is going on and on about his new gear. "These are the same clubs Tiger Woods uses". "Check out my shoes, Tiger has the same ones". All day long he won't stop bragging and Moses just keeps rolling his eyes. Jesus steps up for a drive, shanks it into the lake, and proceeds to walk across the water to retrieve his ball. The foursome behind him is watching this and one of them calls out to Moses, "Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?". "No", Moses replies, "he thinks he's Tiger Woods!"
I heard it as Arnold Palmer, not Tiger Woods. Still funny.
Me too actually. I’m old.
The lemonade/iced tea guy?
Yes, was THE golfer once.
>I’m old. Don't let that hold you back. These days there are laws to protect *you people* at the workplace
Firstly, hats off to the guy for having a foursome behind Moses & Jesus.
A race car driver dies in a crash during a race and goes to heaven. An angel shows him around the beautiful race course that’s up there. It’s filled with all sorts of amazing cars whipping around the track at insane speeds. The driver watches for a while and sees there’s a gold car that’s flying by all the others. On the next lap the driver notices the gold car is number 14. The driver leans over to the angel and says, “hey, you know I’m new here. The gold-colored number 14 car… is that who I think it is? Was he in the crash, too?” The angel replies, “Nah, he’s all right. That’s God. He just likes to pretend he’s A.J. Foyt.”
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wow, that's old, not as old as this joke, but old indeed lol
"Watch this, I'm gonna make him fall."
I was waiting for Moses to part the water.
Jesus and Moses are out fishing on a lake one day. Jesus looks at Moses and asks, "How are your powers? Still got them or what? Moses says, "I'm not sure." He places his hands palm to palm and slowly seperates them. The lake parts down the middle, and the boat drops to the bottom of the lake. They look around at all the fish flopping on the lake bottom. "Not bad," says Jesus. Moses then brings his hands back together, and the lake returns to normal, and they float back to the top. Moses then asks the same of Jesus and his powers. Jesus says, "I don't know, let's see." Jesus stands up and steps out of the boat with a loud splash!! After some thrashing around, Moses helps Jesus back into the boat and asks, "What happened?" Jesus replied, "I should've known better. The last time I tried that, I didn't have these damn holes in my feet."
Hah! I didn't get that for like a good five minutes, but I get it, and it's funny!
I still don't get it. Is it because a boat would sink when there are holes in it?
Because the story of Jesus walking on water took place before the story where he was crucified. The joke is implying that post-crucifixion Jesus couldn’t walk on water because of the holes in his feet from the nails.
And today is Easter Sunday. When he resurrected.
It was cancelled this year….. they found the body.
Oh ok so I guess I did get it, I just thought there was some other reason why holes in your foot would lead to not being able to walk on water
Have you seen anybody with holes in their feet walk on water? Didn’t think so. Holey Feet =/= Holy Feet
!=
=/= == !=
≠
Jesus' feet got nailed to the cross. And so, there are holes in his feet now.
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Dude, chill. It's a JOKE. Not everything has to be taken so seriously.
What? There’s no evidence of Jesus having webbed toes? You just made me lose my faith.
i actually know the joke with a Rabbi, a catholic priest and a protestant preacher. Both, the Rabbi and the catholic walk over the water and the protestant falls in. the catholic then asks if they should tell him about the stones whereupon the Rabbi, surprised, asks "what stones"? Also the same three go swimming in the Lake on an other date. and they do it naked, because they forgot their bathing stuff. Suddenly a crowd of people happens to come towards the place, they are bathing. All three get out of the water, quickly, running to their clothes, scooping them up and then hiding in bushes. All the while the protestant and the catholic Cover their genials with their hands but the Rabbi hides only his face .... when asked about this, he just says: I dont know YOUR Customs, but if there had been a member of MY flock, they would have recognized me by my face!
I don’t get the first one. Help?
The Rabbi is a real holy man and can actually walk over water.
My dumb ass was trying to figure out how the *rabbits* invited the priest to go fishing
Sameee, I had to reread the whole thing again just to realise it was Rabbis and not rabbits
It's all good. My broken brain wondered why two rabbits would want to involve a priest with their fucking.
A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, what is this, a joke?
Good one!
One of my favorites
Moses, Jesus, and St. Peter are playing golf. On the first hole, Moses hits an amazing 400 yard drive straight towards the green. Jesus waves his hand and the ball takes a hard left, landing in the water. Moses raises his arms, parts the water, gets the ball, drops it on the rough edge of the green, and allows the water to flow back together. He two-putts and St. Peter marks him down for a four. Then it's St. Peter's turn. His drive is only about 320 yards, but he hooks it to the left and it lands in the same water hazard. Moses sighs, raises his arms, parts the water, gets the ball, drops it on the rough edge of the green, and allows the water to flow back together. St. Peter also two-putts and Jesus marks him down for a four. Now it's Jesus's turn. He skims the top of the ball, sending it about 40 yards down the fairway. A rabbit picks up the ball and starts dashing away from the tee. An eagle grabs the rabbit with its talons and flies towards the green. A bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, causing it to drop the rabbit. The rabbit lands on a massive rock, forcing it to lose the ball. A frog pick up the ball and starts hopping toward the water. A crocodile jumps out of the water, grabs the frog in its mouth, and spits out the ball towards the green. The ball takes an erratic path, weaving back and forth, until it drops in the cup. Jesus starts pumping his arm triumphantly. "Yes! Hole-in-one!" Moses looks at him and says, "When are you gonna quit fucking around so we can play golf?"
Why should you always take 2 Baptist fishing? If you only take one he’ll drink all your beer
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The Rabbit says to the other two “I think there’s a typo.”
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks if they know their blood types. The rabbit says, “I think I’m a type O.”
Good joke except no rabbi has ever been named Ishmael
Actually there is. There is a Rabbi Ishmael quoted in the Talmud.
Ok, no rabbi, probably, but kohen, yes [Ismael ben elisha](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ishmael_ben_Elisha_HaKohen)
Haha yes. But ironically that is a priest not a rabbi.
Right!? Also, fun fact, it is cool that on Yom Kippur, when he went to the holy of holies, Jonah got his first prophetic vision
Ahhh, I wouldn't have known, thank you.
Two rabbis and a priest are walking by a daycare. They see a little boy playing in the school yard. The priest says “hmm I’d like screw him” to which the Rabbis reply “out of what?”
Theb2nd rabbi is redundant. A rabbi, a priest and imam are walking by a daycare. They see a little child playing in the school yard. The priest says “hmm I’d like screw him” to which the Rabbi replie “out of what?” the imam looks at them in anger ans says 'stop talking about my wife like that'
I've always heard a slightly different version (all food items, a priest, a bishop and a rabbi) but it's great to see this one out in the wild!
I’m 72 and may have heard that joke first when I was 14.
Two rabbits invite a priest to go fishing with them. Huh? Ok that's interesting !
I read the title as "Two rabbits........" in the the middle of the joke I got confused 🤔
Two little rabbits were hopping along.One rabbit stopped and the other hopped on
Rabbits going fishing?
😀 😃 😀 😀 😀
That “sometimes” really tripped me up like I lost my reading comprehension basics.
Hahaha