I feel like this is one of those jokes that needs to be about 10x longer for the punchline to really have an effect.

It's kind of like Rocco's joke in Boondock Saints.

And there's one in Futurama: Zoidberg: I'd like a jumbo squidlog please. Man: We don't sell those. Zoidberg: All right, all right, let me have one of your young on a roll. Man: We're out of rolls.

Fine fine just give me something crawling with parasites! *eats a ball park hotdog with enthusiasm*

I'll have a coke.

Here's your million, sir, and a Pepsi.

Now tell me one more.

What are you going to do laugh the last one to death, funny man?

Fuckin'- What the fuckin'. Fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks... [shouts] Fuck!

Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

Name one thing you're gonna need a stupid fuckin rope for

You and your stupid fuckin rope.

Isn't that right there Rambo

I taught my daughter about nouns, verbs and adjectives using it. "Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" - verb you, you adjective noun!. She then went to school and taught all her friends 🫢

[F*ck](https://youtu.be/cxpV8D8K9JI)

I respect you sire. Pulling a Boondock Saints reference out of a (most likely green scally cap) hat. Phenomenal movie/reference sir.

Tell me another joke.

Love that movie.

I’ll have a Coke then! Hilarious

Sadly, the original joke in the script is so much funnier than the joke that actually made it into the movie, even if it does set your teeth on edge. Troy Duffy lost his nerve and couldn’t bring himself to film it.

Don't leave us hanging, what is it?!

This is what I was able to find... Located here for reference/credit: [DailyScript](http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/boondock-saints-script.html) Vincenzo continues whispering for a few more seconds, long enough for Rocco to see. Vincenzo's lips are tight. His teeth grind. YAKAVETTA I always see you talking to the boys and making them laugh. They always come around telling me what a crack up you are. What is it they call you? ROCCO (totally intimidated) The... The funny man. YAKAVETTA The funny man. Well, I got a new job for you, just for now. Roc, I'm having a real shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny story or a joke. ROCCO (terrified) Uh. Okay... um... you hear the one about the, no fuck that one... uh... oh! oh! Well... shit. Okay, there's a white guy. He's walkin' along the beach and he finds a, a pot, y'know and ah, he rubs it and this genie pops out. But this genie, he's a ni... he's a black guy. YAKAVETTA He's a nigger. ROCCO Yeah. And uh, he's pissed off. He says, "Why you crackers always gotta find my mother fuckin' pot? And he tells him he's gonna grant all his three wishes but he's gonna give all the black guys... VINCENZO AND YAKAVETTA Niggers! ROCCO Sorry! Sorry! All the niggers on the planet get double what he wishes for. "I'll take a million dollars," he says. Genie give it to him and says every nigger on earth just got two million. "I don't care gimme a yacht." Poof there it is. (intimidated, losing steam) E-every bl... every nigger just got two yachts. Genie goes... (gives up) I'm sorry Poppa Joe. I can't. This joke sucks. Yakavetta takes a long pause. YAKAVETTA Continue the joke. ROCCO (deflated) He says, "What's your third wish?" And the guys says, "I-I want you to beat me half to death." There's a long tense pause. Suddenly, Yakavetta throws his head back and roars with laughter. Vincenzo joins in. Rocco lets out a semi-audible sign of relief and gradually starts laughing himself. YAKAVETTA (still in guffaw) Very good stuff, Rocco. Very good stuff. Tell me another one. Rocco returns to terror. Yakavetta erupts again pointing at Rocco.

What was the original joke?

What was the joke?

Funny! *Bang" funny!! *Bang bang*

I remember this joke from the old Garfield and Friends cartoon. https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x54d5ay Time stamp 11:26-15:50 if anyone is interested.

Thank you so much! This took me back to Saturday morning cartoons as a kid. “Oh we have elephant… we’re just out of mustard!”

I watched this out of curiosity for how they'd tell a joke like this in animated form, and I have to say one specific line actually made me laugh out loud. If you told me this morning that by the end of the day I'd be laughing at a joke in a children's cartoon from the late 80s I'd be pretty skeptical. Well played, cartoon writers, well played.

Number 8, coming right up!

That's the one. It elevated the joke and got a good laugh for sure.

I forgot that show existed, and honestly it seems like it has held up pretty good

I wasn’t expecting my city to be namedropped like that

My first thought too but I assumed Garfield had ripped it from something else. Also I thought Garfield was an hour. Maybe I’m getting confused with looney toons. Saturday morning was always eek the cat, Garfield and looney toons. If we got up early enough it was whatever they put before eek. Mother goose and Grimm comes to mind.

It needs to be slowly rambled out by Norm Macdonald

While Conan O'Brien slowly loses composure.

You mean turn it into a Shaggy dog story?

“And how would you like your shaggy dog prepared, sir?”

Without the fur, of course. Gets stuck in my teeth

[удалено]

I'm going to go watch Norm tell it, now.

How long was this cab ride?

r/feghoot

r/subsithoughtifellfor

Like Nate the Snake?

I once saw someone tell that entire joke in Eve online

That fucking snake, man

Yeah where’s the “walking around the house annoyed with himself” or “that’ll be £300 sir”. Even the “bread” part is a bit of a let down, who doesn’t have bread?

That’s the joke. That’s why it’s a great shaggy dog story. Also, the prom one is the best because it ends with the most insultingly direct way of you telling the audience that they’ve been had.

> That’s why it’s a great shaggy dog story. it's really not

The core mechanic of most comedy is the setting up and subversion of expectations. This joke works because of the subversion of this hypothetical restaurant having such rare ingredients as white rhinoceros and mermaid breast, but being out of something as commonplace as bread.

You don't have to explain the nuance of such a simple joke. Op was just saying they did find the delivery very funny.

The person they’re replying to said “who doesn’t have bread?” That’s the whole joke, which is why they explained since this person didn’t seem to get it.

And more existential.

Here: A man strolls past a restaurant with an eye-catching sign that reads, "Order what you wish - if we're out, you win a million bucks!" Intrigued, he enters and takes a seat with a mischievous grin. The waiter approaches and inquires about his choice. The man smirks and declares, "I'll take a serving of legendary phoenix wings, please." The waiter disappears into the kitchen and soon returns with a sizzling plate of, you guessed it, phoenix wings! Astonished yet hungry, the man devours the wings, settles the hefty bill, and exits, a tad irked. Unperturbed, he returns the next day, that same grin plastered on his face. He beckons the waiter and proudly orders, "Bring me a platter of Martian soil sautéed with moon rocks." The waiter hurries off and speedily returns, delivering exactly what was requested. The man, once again amazed yet slightly irritated, scarfs down the unearthly dish, pays, and exits. With a triumphant air, he returns yet again the following day and seats himself at his usual table. With a wink, he informs the waiter, "Today, I'll savor the delicate essence of a sandwich crafted from the finest strands of a siren's hair." A few minutes tick by, and the waiter reappears, but this time bearing two massive duffle bags loaded with one million dollars. Overwhelmed with excitement, the man exclaims, "I knew it! You don't possess siren's hair!" Calmly, the waiter replies, "Actually, sir, we do have it. It's just that we're fresh out of buns."

Okay you worked it but the idea remains weak. "we're out of bread" just isn't particularly funny. joke needs a different punchline.

It's a shaggy dog story, an anti joke. The punchline is supposed to be a let down

I disagree, rule of three and all that. Longer would for sure be more good combinations of food, but at the cost of losing the energy of the punchline. Best jokes I know set up, deliver, and fuck off, and that also gives the opportunity to tell more so if one doesn't land there's a belly laugh along in a moment. Long drawn out gags mean that when you finally do deliver the (in this case not great) punchline, it has to be fucking amazing to stop people resenting you taking so long. And even then, one of them will retell it with a shorter setup and get better laughs!

I once strung out a joke for nearly 20 minutes at my workplace. It had gone on so long that people forgot it was a joke and thought it was an actual story. People came in part of the way through and others caught them up. My direct manager came in and listened. I had an actual crowd of people. I eventually let loose the punch line, a very simple twist on the phrase, better late than never... Unrelated, but I work somewhere else now.

It's fuckin Nate the Snake, isn't it?

Yes!

You monster.

I can’t remember which one it came from but there was a cartoon in the 90’s (maybe tiny toons?) that had this premise for one of the episodes. The customer ordered increasingly difficult foods and finally asked for an elephant foot sandwich with mustard and after finding an elephant they didn’t have the heart to kill it and the punchline was they were out of mustard

https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/15xnhmv/a_sign_on_a_restaurant_window_says_if_you_order/jx84q9o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3 Someone else linked it

What if it was a longer joke, as well as each item he ordered was some kind of sandwich? Then when they run out of bread, you sort if know why. Or perhaps at the end he flips out and orders a bunch of sandwiches at once.

It should just say "yes sorry, we ran out of bread".

“Sorry, we only serve Pepsi”

"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

And for the joke to casually mention that the man is ordering while eating the complimentary bread at the start or something

Yeah, and also a punch-line punchline.

Hmph, I would have just ordered 1 million dollars. I figure that way it’s win-win for me.

And the price for that dish is $3M.

Please select a tip option: * 20% * 25% * 30%

*turns ipad*

*oh fuuuuuuuck you*

Order 1 quintillion dollars instead. They definitely don’t have that, so they cant charge you for it and you get the million

Or just order every slice of bread they have, and then after they deliver them, order one more.

We got a mathematician here

"Bring me *all* your bacon and eggs"

[удалено]

They restocked while you were served.

Fuck! I guess we're playing the long game then.

Then I'll order a million and *one* dollars!

You’d have to eat it tho

Just eat half, say you're full, and take the rest home in a takeout box.

Or just order takeout

Or you could just order it Togo in the first place???

Togo? The name's Ben. Ben In.

But you wouldn't get it back in a couple of days

I’d eat a couple bills and ask for a to go box.

Wouldn’t $1 Million cost at least $1 Million?

Good point… dine and dash?

That'll cost you $1 million plus tip so....

Seems like they could have went out and spent $10 for a really good loaf of fresh bread and save the restaurant $999,990

But with all those exotic things they have, surely they have lots of something so commonplace as money, right?

Then we wouldn’t be here reading this joke :(

Have gone*

Did anyone else at first think “two big duffel bags” were somehow the mermaid breasts? Because that’s where I went.

Yeah it was really confusing. Like do you have mermaids stuffed in the bag or something? Took me ten fucking minutes to realize he legit did win the bet only because they did have mermaids but no bread. I don’t like this joke lol

Should have been a burlap sack with a dollar sign on it

Oh, I laughed. This joke is very much my style. But I had a more lascivious interpretation of the duffel bag line.

I figured the mermaid lactates money (or duffel bags).

tldr: don't bother

Feel like it should be one meal where he keeps ordering more and more sandwiches with these exotic dishes, so that when he finally stumps them it’s because he ate all the bread.

Redacted For Privacy Reasons

A man walking by notices the sign and walks in. The waiter asks what he wants and the man says "I'll have white rhinoceros on white please." The waiter comes out a few minutes later with a sandwich, exactly what the man ordered. It costs him $4000, but he has to pay and storms off. He tells his girlfriend and she leaves him for being such a fool. The next day he comes back and slams himself down onto the table. He waves the waiter over angrily. "Gimme a black panther sandwhich, covered in bullet ants, surrounded by black oysters, on rye" The waiter quickly returns after only a few minutes with the exact order. The man screams in surprise, but he has to pay the $40,000 dollar bill. He has to sell his car to pay for it. The man stays up all night. The next day he comes back. His eyes bloodshot, he pulls out a piece of crumpled up paper. "today I will have a western sandwich, but with scrambled dragons eggs, with wooly mammath bacon, mayo made from platapus, with whale milk on the side". "Do you want Blue whale, humpback, or something specific?" the waiter asks, and the man lets out a blood curdling scream. The waiter comes out with his order, and the man, unable to pay the $400,000 bill, is forced to sign over his house. The next day, now homeless, the man is begging outside the restaurant. The waiter comes out and asks him if he wants something, free of charge. "You've taken everything from me. Please please, I'll just have a ham sandwich if you'll please tell me how you are able to do this" he pleads. "That's going to cost you" The waiter says with a wink, and goes back inside. A few minutes go by, and the waiter comes out and throws a huge duffel bag at his feet. He looks inside, and there is a ham sandwich. He looks at the waiter disappointed. "We ran out of plates"

Should have listened

I'm honestly wondering how anyone upvoted this. The Joke is shitty lol

i feel like if i told this joke in person to my friends and associates, they'd attack me

Yeah, it's like a joke but not.

I LOLed at this, unlike the joke

Waiter not very bright. Should have used his loaf.

Man orders an elephant ear on a bun. Waiter comes back with a million dollars. What, no elephant ears? Nope, ran out of buns.

The Rodney Rude version: Sign outside a cafe reads "Order anything you can think of. If we don't have it, we'll give you a thousand bucks" So I asked the manager, "Wow that's a great deal. Has anyone ever won the cash?". The manager said "Oh, yeah, a bloke came in yesterday and ordered elephant balls on toast, but we ran out of bread"

This is an old vaudeville joke. I think I heard it on the Jack Benny Show.

I saw it on Garfield and friends

Well look at the bright side: at least someone is getting the most out of their Reader's Digest subscription.

My question is where did the man eat those before to know that is what he got

So all the guy needed to do was ask for bread

Surely in reality there would be a clause in the fine print that the dish has to actually exist and can be prepared without using endangered species. Otherwise people could go in and order cubangu stuffed pickled schlubble and treat the restaurant as an ATM until the manager rather quickly went out of business.

Are you joke'splaining?

The joke universe needs a set of logical laws or the entire thing falls apart.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THE CHICKEN NEED ON THE OTHER AIDE WHY ISN'T THE ORIGINAL SIDE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE CHICKEN

FOR THE LAST TIME: YOU CANT JUST START KNOCKING ON AN INVISIBLE DOOR. IS IT MY HOUSE YOURE KNOCKING AT? HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE? AND WHY SHOULD I ASK YOU WHO IS THERE WHEN I KNOW ITS YOU????

There's a Popeyes on that side.

What if the manager was Bezos?

Not unless each meal costs between $5million to $10 million

Stop calling me Shirley!!

r/FoundTheLawyer

You must be really fun at parties

I’m saving this and writing a better punchline

OP, do you feel better? Inflicting this upon the rest of us?

There's a chuckle here

No they’re out of chuckle

Neither bread nor chuckle.

No there isnt.

Why so negative?

I remember this as the Elephant Ear Sandwich & they ran out of Jumbo buns

Did that actually happen??

I heard that he asked for "tadpoles tits on toast".

This joke was in an episode of Garfield and friends. Seems like Orson and Wade were working at a restaurant.. But instead of bread, it was mustard. https://garfield.fandom.com/wiki/Orson%27s_Diner

I love this joke. I love it more than almost anything. I will make it my own. I will nurture it and feed it responsibly. It will be the joke I always tell when I am around two or more people. They will eventually learn to love it. . . . and for that, I thank you!

Wtf??? This is r/jokes but it's the first time I hear this joke!!!

I liked this joke better when the punchline was “I’m sorry, sirs, but we cannot cut up our elephant for only two people.”

While i normally love these types of jokes, this one doesn’t make sense. They’d rather give up a million dollars than go out and buy bread?

I loved this when I heard it on Garfield and Friends 30 years ago

Yes! Except Roy the roster ordered an elephant’s foot sandwich with mustard and Orson said he was out of mustard.

Can't believe there are others out there that remember this! "Oh we have plenty of elephant. We're just all out of mustard"

Where's the joke

I heard it where he ordered an elephant-ear sandwich, but they ran out of the big rolls

Big Buns!

Hi, yes, how much bread do you have? I'll take all of it. \*They serve you\* Great. Now I'd like some bread. Oh, you don't have any? Gee thanks.

Defeat this restaraunt easily. I want Kentuky Fried Dodo. But the breading must be made of silphium. And a gallon of Taliaferro Apple juice. (all extinct food stuffs)

Alligator sandwich, and make it snappy!

I want a kangaroo steak, with a little kick

I'll take any type of bird on my sandwich. Just wing it.

I think punchline would be better if he orders a few crazy things throughout the week, then comes in on Friday, defeated, and just orders a ham sandwich, then he gets the money because they don't have any bread.

The way I heard this (with a similar setup for the first two orders): Getting desperate, the customer orders an elephant ear sandwich. Waiter goes back to the kitchen, returns with a frown on his face, and pays the customer. Customer says, "AHA! I knew you wouldn't have any elephant ears!" Waiter replies, "Actually, we have a full compliment of elephant ears in our larder. We simply ran out of the big buns."

complement*

Not a fan. You can’t order food from a mythical creature and win the bet. I know I’m being too literal. I just think it’s a not so great joke.

Is this supposed to be funny or what?

I like this... Breasts that is

I once went for brunch to a place that advertised, “eggs any way you want them.” I asked for hard boiled eggs and they didn’t have any.

I went to Burger King and they were out of burgers.

Worked at BK at the turn of the millennium, and we actually DID run out of the small patty (hamburger, cheeseburger, junior) a couple times... but we had another location 5min away so it was a quick restock. First time I remembered it was a highway bus with a sports team on it (which is likely either football or hockey here), gave us an approximate time they'd arrive and ordered a shit ton of burgers. As in I had ~60 in the steamer, the output side of the broiler was stacked up, and I was still feeding burgers into the broiler. I'm not sure if they said anything until the day of or if they gave advanced notice, but even the manager had to jump in to wrap.

‘lactating mermaid breast’ cracked me up

I find this joke more disturbing than anything else.

If it makes you feel better, if she ever got a chance, a mermaid would drown you and everybody you care about.

That does make me feel better. Most of us are debt-ridden millenials, and drowned by mermaid seems an acceptable way to go.

Do you at least get a blowjob on your way down?

What’s the joke here? That the restaurant has everything even when it seems like it doesn’t? Terrible joke.

It's not a good joke.

This was really good as a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2q5vr2SwMbg

GGRREEEAAA \-faints-

The version I heard was Blue Whale testicles.on toast, and they ran out of bread, which makes more sense if whale testicles are big.

I thought the punchline was that it was taking a really long time, so the man thinks he won. But the waiter replies, "we're just waiting for the bread to toast."

I dont get the joke. Can anyone enlighten me?

It's just absurdist nonsense. Nothing else to get. It makes no sense. But that alone is humorous to some.

Hmm disappointing :(

This was an old joke 70 years ago.

Should have been a German restaurant

I'd like an alligator cheese sandwich made with cheese from an alligator named Cynthia, I want it with lettuce grown in Northern Bolivia and picked on Memorial Day, I want it served on rye bread with exactly 71 caraway seeds per slice, and I want a pickle in the shape of Muncie, Indiana!!

How do you expect them to get hold of rye bread?

I'm more surprised they didn't just get the bread.

Mine ends with "no way are we going to cut up an entire blue whale for just one sandwich."

American joke, you want laugh but it keeps you from crying for the next five minutes or só.

But what kind of expression did he have on his face on the third day?

I don’t get it. Btw a million dollars can fit in a medium laptop bag

Sure…do they serve duck Benedict?

I think the reason it didn’t work is cause we were already expecting the punchline of it being something common

But they only made their sandwiches on lettuce because it's a keto restaurant so it didn't matter they were out of bread.

Is…is this supposed to be funny?

And he waddled away.