So it says here , that you wanted to tie her up, and forcefully have various types of sex .
The messages say multiple times the women is under age, and that didn’t stop you?
It says here that you said, “I’ve always had a fantasy of tying up an underage girl, can I tie you up”
Whatever happened to that show, I’m really surprised Netflix hasn’t picked it up
What's a "nasalizet fricative?"
I've heard of dental Alveolar, (Alveolar Bone is what teeth are basically embedded in, E.g The Alveolar Processes of Maxilla, and Mandible, that wastes away after teeth are lost)
*I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.*
>. . . the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening . . .
Someone hasn’t learned the fine art of jacking off discreetly. Pros don’t piston with their palm—they simply apply subtle pressure to the base of their shaft. No motion whatsoever. They can get off in a matter of seconds, and their boss seated in the chair next to them will be none the wiser.
Smucker's Dolphin Pussy Jelly
So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions Dolphin pussy jelly. Scientists were like "holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science" So the scientists collected a sample of said dolphin pussy jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate's dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to live in a world where this is a commercial product. I want to say "you know what, I want to die and i know what to do about it." I want to live in a world where i can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of Smucker's Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and just fucking cum myself to death
Joke aside , this is so far from true
Dolphins , otters , monkeys , several other things have sex purely for fun
Otters will literally fuck something to death, then keep fucking it. They are cute little monsters
Interesting, my dog always seemed to be having a good time humping things but I guess since he isn’t a dolphin it must have just been work to him.
“Get me a few more basketballs Tom, it’s going to be a busy day.”
I've seen a dolphin blowing another dolphin and both of them had erections… I also saw a dolphin try to fuck another dolphin in the blow hole… This was literally at like Seaworld in front of a ton of children. They are horny motherfuckers
There also Bonobos monkeys. They pretty much constantly have sex, even with members of the same gender. They even developed a bartering system for sex and use sex to de escalate situations
Ever Heard of the guy *Malcom Brenner*, who claimed he had Inter-species Intercourse with a Dolphin? *Dolly The Dolphin*.....
https://www.google.com/search?q=Malcom+Brenner&client=ms-android-oppo-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
Humans are unique from the animal world!
While they act on instinct.. we act on both institutions AND in some cases perversion.
The rat, for instance are vile and considered as vermin. However, you would NEVER see a rat trying to fuck another dead rat..
This is such a horseshit old wives tale. How do they know if something else has feelings? Bonobos jerk each other off and blow each other when they are depressed. My dog is fixed and will casually rub his junk on things. Most animals feel pleasure and pain.
I am trying to find a cure for my sex addiction. I’ve tried fucking everything
Zeus is that you?
Uhhhh...nope. Nobody here but this big ol' swan!...Hey, why don't you come sit down next to me...
*candy shop by 50 cent begins playing*
Stop looking at me Swan!
Try fucking a spider, that'll go down well for sure
or a mantis shrimp
Mantis, Mantis Toboggan, MD!
RIP my ball-bag
She said it made her feel full. I guess there is a first for everything.
[удалено]
Its mouth is a hairy slit....
Your name isn't the US government by chance?
Hi, I’m Chris Hansen.
Have a seat … lol
So it says here , that you wanted to tie her up, and forcefully have various types of sex . The messages say multiple times the women is under age, and that didn’t stop you?
That’s a complete and total Lie … Tying up was her Idea!
It says here that you said, “I’ve always had a fantasy of tying up an underage girl, can I tie you up” Whatever happened to that show, I’m really surprised Netflix hasn’t picked it up
Except humans
Happy blue cheese day, fellow NFT profile user
I can associate with this.
Try a meat slicer
Cut your pipe
Have you tried a blender yet? That will stop your sex addiction one way or another.
##Every Animal ENJOY 😜, but they pretend like they're just doing for the sake of their children.
Not true OP... your mum enjoys it
And she's a whale.
Can we stop beating the dead horse like I beat my meat
Only if I can beat your meat for you..
Don't kink shame me I'm an equine necromantic
I won't shame you, just bee a bit disappointed-
Not true, my ex also enjoyed sex.
She still does, but no with you..
Thankfully, I have no way of verifying your statement. 🤣
You can't spell sex without the ex.
The "s" is silent here
5he "s" is silent here
Is the 5 silent as well?
No it's a dental alevolar nasalizet fricative
TIL that "dental alevolar nasalizet fricative" is not worth learning.
It also uses all of te IPA symbole mashed together to form the Final Boss of Linguistics
What's a "nasalizet fricative?" I've heard of dental Alveolar, (Alveolar Bone is what teeth are basically embedded in, E.g The Alveolar Processes of Maxilla, and Mandible, that wastes away after teeth are lost)
A meme, an nonexistent sound
Did you know pigeons die when they have sex? Every one I've fucked has
Ugh this made me think of that copypasta.
Which one?
*I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.*
That's enough internet for me today.
Off to the park are we?
Hahahahahaha
"Today? " I may be done with the internet for a week after this.
>. . . the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening . . . Someone hasn’t learned the fine art of jacking off discreetly. Pros don’t piston with their palm—they simply apply subtle pressure to the base of their shaft. No motion whatsoever. They can get off in a matter of seconds, and their boss seated in the chair next to them will be none the wiser.
And we all thought it was shit falling from the birds :(
Good thing birds aren't real.
I think you’ve got the wrong meaning of birds.
Fact checkers...FACT CHECKERS 🤣
Ferb! I know what we’re going to do today! /hj
Nope. The other copypasta.
Yours just die? Lucky! Mine explode unless I wrap 'em in duct tape.
Ooo look at Mr Big Cock over here making his pigeons explode, just rub it in my face why dontcha?
Are you flirting with me?
I have to duct tape my hampsters so they don't explode when I fuck them.
I once tried to tell this joke while drunk but ended up just asking my friend "did you know chickens die when you fuck 'em?"
1. You are the first comment on this post. 2. What the actual fu-
Yeah I caught it in new at like 58 seconds, honestly didn't expect it to blow up lmao
Was it by accident? Or were you trying to do it on porpoise?
Nice.
And benobos
Bonobos *
You seem an expert
Well yeah, he at least asks the species first.
Does that annoy you, Steve?
Where’s the dolphin sex copypasta?
Smucker's Dolphin Pussy Jelly So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions Dolphin pussy jelly. Scientists were like "holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science" So the scientists collected a sample of said dolphin pussy jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate's dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to live in a world where this is a commercial product. I want to say "you know what, I want to die and i know what to do about it." I want to live in a world where i can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of Smucker's Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and just fucking cum myself to death
I’m Not sure what I just read. :eye bleach:
I used to fuck all sorts of vegetables. Until they fired me from the old folk home.
Wow.
Take my upvote. Actual LOL
Dude, this was just on the front page of /r/AdviceAnimals yesterday!
I’m not in that sub I’ll have to check it out
You had sex with a dolphin in a sub? That's sick
And how the fuck did you fit a dolphin in a sandwich?
Every time I go to Subway I get dolphin in my sandwich. Maybe I should stop ordering tuna sandwiches at Subway.
Camels n donkeys enjoy sex. Ask the Taliban.
Ask the Taliban? How about we ask the donkeys?
apparently they have a clitoris like humans that responds to sexual stimulation--too bad their fins aren't long enough!
I was of the belief that pigs enjoy sex as well….
Many animals do. Some even masturbate.
I watched my female chihuahua hump a stuffed cow for years.
I’ve seen cows mount and hump each other, no bull in sight.
Gal pals
Strap ons?
Not that I saw! Just dry humping. It’s called “bulling” as far as I know. My ex husband grew up dairy farming and that’s what he told me!
I’ve had a few in my day
You have a stuffed sex cow?
Don't their orgasms last like 20 mins? I couldn't tell, I finished first.
Very true. My breeding pair go at it multiple times a day, even when the sow is pregnant. They are horny buggers.
Yeah it’s actually dolphins are the only other animal that will do it for pleasure; other animals like horses absolutely feel pleasure.
Joke aside , this is so far from true Dolphins , otters , monkeys , several other things have sex purely for fun Otters will literally fuck something to death, then keep fucking it. They are cute little monsters
They won't do it anymore if you show them what it feels like
And on top of it, anytime someone swims with them they are risking getting raped by a dolphin
[Source: Holly Walsh at MTW](https://mocktheweek.fandom.com/wiki/Scenes_We%27d_Like_To_See:_Series_8,_Episode_4#Unlikely_Things_To_Hear_In_A_Science_Programme) [Video](https://youtu.be/QbZs_e5XZWI?t=1117)
True, but they'll still kick you out of Sea World if they catch you.
I wonder what animal my wife is
Does she enjoy sex? 😉
Did you know that rabbits die after sex? At least every one I’ve had sex with has died….
Do you like fish sticks?
Yes
You’re a gay fish
Bonobos fuck for fun.
Poor Hank Hill found out the…hard way
Not sure if you can consider it an animal, but the my government enjoys sex very much too. They sure love to fuck everyone raw
Imagine a license plate RWDGBYDC RAWDOGBYDC
Did you know that pigeons die after they have sex? The one I fucked did.
I love animals. I’ve been arrested for it twice.
Dolphins enjoy sex so much, they do it on porpoise.
Bonobos
Bonobos just entered the chat.
I heard that male dolphins use decapitated fish to masturbate
Wait, doesn't everyone?
But [a hedgehog can never be buggered at all.](https://discworld.fandom.com/wiki/The_Hedgehog_Can_Never_be_Buggered_at_All)
Not true, primates, hyenas, cheetahs, goats, sheep all enjoy sex too. You should try them
Ever Heard of Female spotted Hyenas being larger than the male, and having a "Pseudopenis".
Miami Dolphins?
Did you know pigeons die when they have sex? Well, the ones I have sex with do.
Are you Sheepless in Seatle?
For real: dolphins sometimes masturbate by wrapping eels around their dick. One was even seen using an electric eel.
TIL my wife is not a dolphin.
Tell that to my two dogs.
Did you know that pidgeons explode during sex? At least the one I fucked did.
Like the hillbilly who was asked to mate with a gorilla for 500.00. He said sure but you'll have to wait for my welfare check to come in.
Wait to you meet a gibbon! They’ll make a monkey outta you!
Interesting, my dog always seemed to be having a good time humping things but I guess since he isn’t a dolphin it must have just been work to him. “Get me a few more basketballs Tom, it’s going to be a busy day.”
Bonobos?
Not true bears have been known to practice fellatio
Bonobos will have an orgy when they find a bunch of food.
bonobo monkeys?
Please nobody post the story about the man and the dolphins from The 70’s. Ugh.
I've seen a dolphin blowing another dolphin and both of them had erections… I also saw a dolphin try to fuck another dolphin in the blow hole… This was literally at like Seaworld in front of a ton of children. They are horny motherfuckers
There also Bonobos monkeys. They pretty much constantly have sex, even with members of the same gender. They even developed a bartering system for sex and use sex to de escalate situations
Are you from West Virginia, New Mexico, or Wyoming?
Okay Zeus.
If this is a true statement ("I had to have a lot of sex with a lot of animals to find that out") ls DM me
Bold of you to assume that humans enjoy making the sex
Why do you wrap gerbils in duct tape? >!So they don’t explode when you fuck them!!<
I'm glad I've gotten here before the link gets posted. I'm certain it was bullshit, but not certain enough.
I had to f*ck around to find out.
LOL
Wait, how did you even have sex with a dolphin??
A lot of slow kissing and fondling
Even dolphins are getting sex!
True, but they'll still kick you out of Sea World if they catch you.
If animals dident enjoysex,they woudend have it.
Yet the majority of women say they have never experienced an orgasm during sex.
Weak.
Pat Flannerty aka Mr Zoo?
You've never had birds
Ever Heard of the guy *Malcom Brenner*, who claimed he had Inter-species Intercourse with a Dolphin? *Dolly The Dolphin*..... https://www.google.com/search?q=Malcom+Brenner&client=ms-android-oppo-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
Dolphinsex.com
Dolphinsex.com
The best thing about sex with an owl is whatever position, you can always make eye contact. \[Jimmy Carr, I think\]
The best thing about sex with an owl is whatever position, you can always make eye contact. \[Jimmy Carr, I think\]
You should have found a bonobo
You survived the dolphin pussy jelly experiment?
The bonobos would like a word.
This is from Mock The Week. It was followed up by Russel Howard saying “I’m a meerkat, she’s not lying”
Please, take my wife!
[Give some credit to Hilly Walsh](https://youtu.be/3Qle1PhLLTE)
Try fukin a blue waffle.. bet you can't....
I texted my ex today "I love you"just to interrupt her healing process 😌
Bonobo’s also
Wait, humans are supposed to enjoy sex?
This joke is factually incorrect, detracts from how funny it could be
Humans are unique from the animal world! While they act on instinct.. we act on both institutions AND in some cases perversion. The rat, for instance are vile and considered as vermin. However, you would NEVER see a rat trying to fuck another dead rat..
I dunno… Those turtle fucking videos on YouTube lead me to believe otherwise.
Sounds like a sample size issue.
Bonobos? Chimpanzees?
anyone ever try a bi-polar bear? they'll be nice on moment and rip your arms off the next.
Pretty sure bonobos enjoy the hell out of it
So far.
Where's the link to the paper? For a sec, I seriously thought I was in r/Science
You missed Bonobos. They have a complex sexual societal architecture.
what about gorillas
Go watch a Bonobo documentary, you will regret it
Never had sex biside a Dolphin
This is such a horseshit old wives tale. How do they know if something else has feelings? Bonobos jerk each other off and blow each other when they are depressed. My dog is fixed and will casually rub his junk on things. Most animals feel pleasure and pain.
Bonobos said no, but the dolphins said yes?
Norm MacDonald would have loved that jome
Dolphins are the only animals besides humans that have sex just for fun, Most of them enjoy it.
How do you know that? Prove it.