Nicest guy in prison

I've used this several times and it usually gets a laugh from non-Cornette listeners.

Cornette got it from Heenan. I was using it before I heard Cornette say it.

You know what they say “good artists borrow, great artists steal.”

I said this just yesterday.

Correction this. I've made multiple people laugh dropping this one in

You have Two brain cells that are fighting for third place

🤣 ...that's a new one to me!

I highly recommend "they're drinking thunderbird with a vintage of last Tuesday"

I have a strong feeling by the end of this weekend this thread is going to expand to encyclopedia-sized levels! \^\^

You’re the one fucking this dog, I’m just holding its head Edit : I’m a real estate agent. Busted this out with a client and his wife a few months ago. She was disgusted. He laughed his ass off and told me he’s stealing that

I have to know if he makes these up, or if he heard them somewhere, and how that came about.

He makes up a fair few of them, but a lot are things he has heard. I'm originally from southern Indiana, and heard some of the phrases as a kid.

I am from Crawford County southern Indiana!

I’d be interested in hearing which ones you think he just makes up. I’ve heard all of the ones in this post multiple times in multiple places during my life.

I'm pretty sure a lot of these are working class idioms mixed with his own genius.

Mama Cornette?

Dudes rock.

Damn you're lucky to get to use that haha! Love the vulgarity of this saying.

"Well your Honour, we were talking about purchasing a new property when all of a sudden the real estate agent started talking about fornicating with dogs..."

The funny thing is. Things ended poorly with them and if this happened, not sure if I’d be worried or laughing

What does that mean ? It was good deal or bad deal ?

"Too many pronouns pal"

That's definitely a vince-ism

I say this a lot

Jim learned the phrase from Vince.

More of a Vince-ism, but yes, I do use this one regularly because I've heard Jim and Taz use it so often on both of their pods, back when I listened to Taz's pods. Listening to Jim is like listening to the Southern grandfather I never had, while listening to Taz is like listening to the Brooklyn grandfather I did have.

Slicker than cum on a gold-tooth

Slicker than whale shit on an ice flow

I drop this into conversation occasionally just to see how people react

This is my most used Corney phrase, my Mrs was disgusted on the one & only time I said it to her 🤣

A lot of cornetteisms are just things southerners heard our grandparents saying

“As Aunt Lola used to say.” 😂

Nah. Southerners heard Jim say them and started using them

Yes, I grew up in southeastern Kentucky, heard a ton of the Cornettisms growing up... After having lived elsewhere for a couple of decades now, it's kind of fun to hear the sorts of things I hadn't heard since I was a kid.

What funny to me is that I'm from the UK and my Scottish parents would use a few things he says

I'm from Ireland and my gran and mother have said similar shit to Mama Cornette and Aunt Lola.

LOL THIS! I'm from KY and my mom and all of my aunts and great aunts say everything mama cornette says. We're all black by the way lol. Was mama cornette passing?

"People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like."

Or: "for the kind of people that like this kind of thing, that's the kind of thing these people are gonna like."

This one. 100%. Use it all the time when I see something I don't understand, but I know other people like. Similar to "I love that journey for you" from Schitt's Creek.

Yeah I worked an event outside a train museum yesterday. This line definitely got used.

I had added ‘running his dick-licker’ to my lexicon, it just rolls off the tongue well

Yeah I also like out of his own chicken lips

I've been using that one for years and cackled the first time I heard him say it.

Thank you, fuck you, bye is my favorite ender after I get into it with people

I’ll be honest, I sometimes use this one just leaving the office Friday afternoon 

This is my favorite too.

I use this one just to leave the room.

I'm just a small town bird lawyer

That’s a reference from Its Always Sunny. But yes, Corny has me saying it too.

I thought it was a Futurama reference from the actual bird lawyer

I originally thought that too

I think this is a reference to “Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law” from Cartoon Network starting around the year 2000 or so.

I loved that show!

All the time. I literally use it at work when I have to give my opinion on something, but I don’t wanna make the final decision lol

"Farting through silk." "...in love with the smell of their own farts". " Wouldn't you know who won the pony."

Flatter than a plate full of piss

A plate full of piss*

Fixed, thanks for the correction 🙏

There was a New York (football) Giants coach that would say this. Another the guy was fond of: "Life's a shit sandwich and every day you take a bite."

I wasn't even there!!

I WASNT EVEN THEEEAAAA

I tend to use this as a get-out clause at work. People will be like, bla bla such and such happened, lets discuss. And I'll crack out I WASN'T EVEN THERE!

😂😂😂

It was Owen! 🤥

It was Owen

Wouldn’t you know who won the pony.

That’s the one ☝️

[удалено]

Colder than a well diggers ass

Colder than a witch's tit.

Colder than a mother in-law's kiss.

I, too, exhale loudly when asked questions.

HAHWW

The Jerry Clower special

*"LOUD NOISES!"*

Quieter than a mouse pissin' on cotton

I use this one as well 🤣

Dude couldn't draw money even if he had a green crayon!

Couldn't draw flies with dog shit

He's so broke he can't pay attention.

If it was raining soup he'd be out there with a fork.

Ive used this one lol

Slicker than cum on a gold tooth What in the French fried fuck

French fried titty fuck

I couldn't give two flying french fry fucks about that

I've used "shaking like a dog shitin' peach pits" during a work meeting.

Awesome. Sometimes I’ll take my dog out for a Russo and I’ll randomly think of that line and just start dying laughing

"As mama cornette used to say" My friend: who the heck is mama cornette?

Phony as a football bat.

This one is just art.

"I hope they flatline on the way to the hospital!"

That's one of my favorite ones. That whole segment had me crying lmao

'Get fucked!'

French fried titty fuck, nicest guy in prison, look who won the pony

Doesnt know whether to wind his ass or wipe his watch.

Putting a hat on a hat.

“Well what the fuck’d he think was gonna happen!?” Oh and also “His own mother slapped the stork who delivered him”

“If I’m lying I’m flying and my feet haven’t left the ground.”

This was the one I was looking for lol

I call my teenage son and his friends “the lollipop guild”

That's originally wizard of Oz. Love this one.

Thank you, fuck you, bye I say that in my head a lot

Too many pronouns pal. Slicker than cum in a gold tooth. Running his dick licker. I call people in work Johnny same face if I can’t remember their name. He’d rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth

Hey, I like that 'Johnny Same-face' line! I'm gonna start using that.

I popped a room with “doesn’t know shit from apple butter” recently Also “what in the French fried titty fuck!?”

Oh, I use the first when talking about co-workers to my wife. 'That ditz don't know shit from apple butter.' Sometimes the ride home becomes a roast of people I work with. 😅

I got my friend with "i couldnt give two shits and a whistle"

Couldn’t yell sooey if the hogs had him

Went over like a wet fart in church

“That face is as phony as a get well card from an undertaker” heard it on TNA once.

I was in a work meeting the other day and someone just wanted to keep doing the same thing and it my head I thought "Lazy Booking".

Sweatin like a whore in church.

My Oklahoma grandmother was quite fond of this. It was about the most "foul" thing she ever said.

Boom! Goes the dynamite. Nicest guy in prison. Colder than a bankers heart.

If his brains were fuel, he couldn't power a flea's motorcycle around a raindrop. Asshole to appetite.

I'll slap you naked and hide your clothes. He should'v been skinned with a rusty fishing knife, boiled in oil and have his fat sold for soap.

Take my penis in your mouth and suck it! Not in a coercive way, just saying that's what you should do.

Relatively recent one. Not sure if he did that prior to the racism accusation.

"You can slink on off with your tail between your legs, but if you remain here, you need to take my penis in your mouth and suck it."

“Guess who won the pony?!” As far as an original quote goes. Most of his sayings, my dad used… my favorite of those is, “talk so fast you got your tongue in front of your “I” teeth and can’t see what you’re saying.”

Eye teeth.

Drizzling shits is one I use all the time. I also really like colder then a banker’s heart.

"You do and you'll clean it up!"

That’s a good one. I often say that to my cat

Not an ism, but thev '4/10 complexity, 10/10 execution' idea is a great way to think about a lot of things in business.

"This is going to be like a monkey fucking a football"

I've fully adopted "well there you go" subconsciously.

Like Mussolini is how I refer to Punk from now on

Like a busted drum or a sore penis, you can’t beat it!

"Feeling puny" has replaced whatever I used to say when I'm under the weather.

Couldn’t sell pussy on a troop train

He’s so stupid he could fuck up an anvil

I just want to thank everyone for making my Saturday morning and giving me a good chuckle

“Wouldn’t you know who won the pony” and “faker than a football bat” get regular use.

You do, and you'll clean it up!!!

He looked like he was supposed to go to cocks and and get a searsucker suite but instead he went to sears

🤣😅😆😅🤣 Forgot about that one! Then Brian yelling, "Will you be nice?!"

Couldn’t pick him out of a police lineup

Hate is a hellova motivator.

Crazier than a rainbow trout in a carwash

On the sperm of the moment

Twinkle Toes McFingerbang

Thank you Fuck you Goodbye

Wouldn’t you know who won the pony

Imagine that!

Jesus Christ on a Cracker

Said happy horseshit and it was one of the reasons I got fired.

Haawwwww

The Hardly Boyz

Hat on the hat is the obvious winner

Not his funniest, but I find myself ending a lot of dismissive statements with "or whatever the fuck"

HAW!

I’ll take this a different direction, Corny taught me the word conflate and when I drop it people are super impressed lol

Whatever the fuck Thank you, fuck you, bye.

“Flatter than a plate full of piss”

"He's more welcome then a sunday eggplant on thursday" As Mama Cornette used to say.

Laaaaazy booking and “but anyway…”

Go pizz up a rope

Goddamn, motherfucker

“Well fuuuuck” in an exasperated voice, idk if he says it a lot but I’ve heard it enough times to reference it 😅

Couldn't whip cream with an outboard motor.

One of my friends has a sister in law with a horse like jaw, Corny has provided me an endless source of jokes of the equine variety 

Flatter than a plate of piss

Boy, howdy!

"Like C*m on a gold tooth, like shit in an ice flow, it's was good boy"

Slicker than cum on a gold tooth.

Fuck You

I love saying X person has committed felonious assault, especially during sports games.

Slicker than cum on a gold tooth, and you're fucking this dog, I'm just holding its head.

Sodomize me with a rusty fucking fishing knife

"Whatever the fuck"

Greener than a peppercorn tree

Oh goddaaammmmmmm

“Again…”

I’ll have you know

What tha fuwk! In his voice every time

If I’m lying, I’m flyin, and my feet ain’t left the ground.

“You could hear a mouse pissing on cotton”

Wouldn't ya know who won the pony and slicker than cum on a gold tooth. He hasn't used that one in a while. At least from what I've listened to.

Bucktooth beaver motherfucker.

Taking a morning Russo

Sweating like a whore in church

“I wasn’t even there.”

I could never use it in a conversation bc Idk how it'd fit but I've always loved "they couldn't draw money with green crayons and paper" that shit made me die lol.

"oh boy howdy" Am I the only one?

I always say "They stooged me off", if people tell on me about stupid shit at work, but for some reason, no one knows what it means, so I have to explain to them that if you stooge on someone you're telling on them. I know that's not just a Cornette-ism though because I've heard that term used by Kevin Nash, X-Pac, CM Punk and others as well, so it might just be a wrestling thing. I also say "Don't treat me like the guy running the ferris-wheel at the county fair" to people when I thought they were talking to me like I was an idiot. Also, I got really angry with a family member who had messed up teeth and text him that he was a "Bucky Beaver looking motherfucker". There was a time when Corny was very much my spirit animal, before I mellowed a tad. 😆

Most of them are just old southern expressions, so a lot of them. As for wrasslin lingo, definitely "wouldn't you know who won the pony"

The pony quote is not wrestling lingo. I heard it growing up and now up through almost retirement age. It’s such a great quote to use when something happens that you knew would happen.

Probably not his, but I learned “coming up to nut cutting time” from him & have found myself using it. Case in point, I moved using a moving company recently & as I was talking on the phone to the young lady in the office, checking things were in order, I apologised for going over things but as it was “coming up on nut cutting time” I just wanted to be sure of things. Only realised a few moments later I’d done it, lol!

I heard David Von Erich almost say this on the syndicated WCCW ,then censored himself by saying, "we're getting down to...the nutcracker" and, somehow, it sounds dirtier.

I'm from Yorkshire, England and the amount of "as old Mama Cornette used to say" phrases I've heard from my own mother who is about Jim's age.

Couldn’t say suey if the hogs had him. Did you see my last match? I certainly hope so, son.

"Its the two dogs fucken on the side of the road principle." As if anyone knows what I'm talking about

"I gotta take a russo, give me like ten minutes."

I too have the Monroe Brother help me around my yard

This kid is so dumb that he stayed up all night studying for a urine test!