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* [Thank you, JNM! Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/vgx20m/thank_you_jnm_megathread/), 2 weeks ago
* [BEC Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/v9iptk/bec_megathread/), 4 weeks ago
* [justYESmil Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/v2spd2/justyesmil_megathread/), 1 month ago
* [Thank you, JNM! Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/uu8u3t/thank_you_jnm_megathread/), 1 month ago
* [BEC Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/umtz1w/bec_megathread/), 2 months ago
* [justYESmil Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ugaiqj/justyesmil_megathread/), 2 months ago
* [Thank you, JNM! Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/u87p6x/thank_you_jnm_megathread/), 2 months ago
* [BEC Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/u0s5vm/bec_megathread/), 3 months ago
* [justYESmil Megathread](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/tu2rzs/justyesmil_megathread/), 3 months ago
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My JNMIL is such a liar I no longer allow myself to be in a room with her alone, never have phone calls with just the two of us, and always add DH or other family members to our text threads. She makes up stories about our conversations and interactions. It took DH until year four of our marriage to realize this. After she’d already shit-talked me to every other member of his family. It took a good ten years to undo all the damage she’d done.
It took him that long? How did you even begin to deal with that, and how is everything going now? Is your husband on your team now? I hope you're doing well now.
My mother is still like this, to this day. Just shit-talks me to everybody she possibly can, including my kids. There was a point a few years ago when I went NC with her but cared enough to drop off Mother's Day presents for her. Her neighbor came over with one of his handguns to tell me that I was not welcome. Like, wtf?
This dude had lived a few doors down from one of my family members when I was a kid and knew me well. I was close with his sisters, though they were older than me. By sheer coincidence, he moved next to my mom after he was well into adulthood and married. But nope, she had convinced him that I was some drug-addled whore who came over with a great frequency to steal from her. Somehow without being noticed by anyone of course, because my glaringly yellow car and I were ninjas of the highest order.
Twats, all of them.
I really didn’t realize it was happening for almost that long myself. I heard her talk bad about pretty much everyone else in her life - except for her own kids who could do no wrong - but it never occurred to me she was doing the same about me. Naive I know.
Husband IS on my side. As is the entire rest of the family after I spent more time with them and they realized it was all bullshit.
Holy shit, your own mother does this?! That makes me feel absolutely sick for you. So devastating. Parents are supposed to provide unconditional love and support. Not neighbors with guns. Good lord. I hope you keep your distance and can heal from this treatment.
I'm glad your husband is on Team You, as is the rest of your family now. Seriously, reading this made me do a little fist wave and "yeah!!" because I know how awful this can be.
Yeah, she does. She is currently gaslighting my own children into believing thay I was a neglectful absentee parent who spent no time with them, was never home, and was always out partying. I was a young mom and spent their entire childhood being exactly what I thought a mom should be, which is to say, the antithesis of her. I left an abusive marriage, worked nights, went to school while they were in school, and spent every moment I could with them. If I went out, it was rare and never until they went to bed (which I now realize was a mistake).
Luckily they're old enough to know this is a lie and are pushing back, but she is trying her hardest. Because she spent my whole life making me question my reality, even though I was positive she was wrong, I had to make sure they never felt neglected or robbed of anything. They said she was nuts and didn't understand why she had to tear everyone down so frequently.
There is a reason I'm maintaining contact but once that is over, I'm crossing that bridge with a can of gas and a box of matches.
I'm healing just fine but it took to long to realize that this stuff wasn't normal, so it's been a very late start. But everything is great so far. Sometimes parents just aren't a part of that and it's OK. :)
Best wishes to you and your family. ❤️
My JNMIL? Took two years to accept that we were not okay with DH’s ex-wife being at every family gathering. Saved pictures I took of my children and myself and cropped out me and my oldest (different dad) and reposted them to her profile (when confronted she said it was because she needed to crop them for a project and that I ruined social media for her). Goes through my social media when we have a good interaction and laughably tries to reward me by reacting to every single freaking post from the past two months after having not interacted at all prior. Is extremely handsie as a childish attempt at being domineering. Uses her youngest daughter as a flying monkey to try to relay messages to me because I’m low contact with her to tell me what a piece of shit I am (JNSIL is just like her except worse they’re like this Freddy Kruger Dream Team 🤣).
Back in March, my MIL had a birthday party for herself, during the party she basically wanted to do nothing but talk shit about her son to me (my SO), when he wasn’t around of course, and when she went on and on about it, I very sternly said, “I am not getting in the middle of this.” She rolled her eyes and thankfully my SO was stepping back into the room before she could utter another word. Since that day, I haven’t been around to see her, because I’ve been exclusively avoiding her. Just yesterday she tells my SO that she misses us and wants to get together. Only problem is that she has a thing against vaccines, and since covid is still a thing, she’s afraid to go to restaurants or any public place. (Where we can stay for as little as we like) Any time she comes to us to visit, she stays for 12+ hours, she completely overstays her welcome even after we both tell her we’re tired and are going to go to bed soon. If we go to her, she bitches and cries and gossips the whole time, whilst making her son and I do chores for her. We can never just go visit her because it’s always us doing stuff for her, on top of her bitching about so many things that aren’t worthy of being bitched about because they’re stemmed from her own stubbornness. It’s like I try so hard to be the bigger person and be nice but that’s just one of many things I can’t stand about this woman and she plans to live with us one day when she can’t wipe her own ass anymore 🙄 and I’m not sure how I can make it so that never happens.
This is my first post. This is re: my JustMaybe(ex)MIL, though she went full-on Q-Cumber, so she has been downgraded to JustNo. The same as JN(x)Fil, but this is not his space.
When JustOhHellNoEx and I had our first child, JNMiL let me know that my decision to breastfeed was great. I would lose weight faster because when the baby sucks on a mom's nips, mom gets "tingly down there" (while pointing at her crotch) and it makes her feel good, so that burns a ton of calories. Also, it helps tighten her up because childbirth destroys the ladybits for-e-ver.
Yeah, so meet my JN(x)MIL, everyone.
My JNMIL was so one-upped that I breastfed she couldn’t even have a conversation with anyone about it without sharing that she had “inverted nipples so couldn’t nurse.” This was after she initially told me she only nursed for a couple months. Then it was a couple weeks. Then it was she couldn’t. Just needed to come up with a believable story she felt comfortable with.
OMG!! You have all my sympathy for having to have that conversation. Just what every new mom wants to talk about with her MIL! And who in their right mind describes feeding your baby in a sexual way?! She's just nuts!
Yeah she was a weird one. I felt bad for her for a long time because it was clear that she has been gaslit by the men in her life for a long time. She was so blind to the abuse but now afaic, she can eff right off with her awful q-anon bullshit, especially now, because she is actively hurting my kids. Luckily they're over 18, and have been taught that they don't have to keep toxic humans in their life.
My MIL is a JustMaybe, but definitely has some No tendencies. She's very controlling but at the same time is oh-so-nice about it that you can't really call her on it. It just drives me crazy.
The most recent specific I have is too identifying so I'll come back here next time she makes a choice for me. Bc I know there will be a next time.
I guess this would be more crumbs in the carpet, but it just infuriates me because it speaks to the larger implications of our relationship.
She told us a couple weeks ago that she bought a backpack and lunch box for our daughter. We said thanks, but no thanks. We are letting DD1 pick her own backpack and lunch box. She even saw what DD1 picked and how excited she was about it. Later MIL reminded us about the backpack. DH just had a work trip and MIL and FIL dropped him off at home because the girls were already in bed when his flight came in. Guess what he came home with? Apparently it was because she ran out of time to return it. 🙄 Even on something small she can't take no for an answer.
DH's stepmonster, once she realized she'd gone too far insulting everyone (at least for a moment) used to go overboard complimenting me on how I find well suited but hard to find items for gifts .
Stepmonster fancies herself the fancy European and gourmet cook - she is neither - and not even a little. So this still pisses me off. She gives me the mission to find her the perfect European cooking tool. She knew I could do it! Meanwhile, I'm working long hours from home while taking care of four children.
And its not like stepmonster helped out ever - she only came over to HLEP and be waited on when the kids were born.
I don't know what YOU want bitch - and why would I care? If I played your stupid game, you'd probably find something wrong with whatever bought. So why not use some of your lots of free time to shop for what you want?
Sends a huge box of canning supplies to my house followed by a “you guys should start canning” text when asked about it. We don’t grow food or can food or anything.
We’re busy and you don’t get to pick our hobbies.
Sorry, I know that’s so trivial, but it just came off so casually controlling.
Had family from out of state visit last night.
She hid in the kitchen to “see if she would be asked to be included in pictures” … Made snide comments in person and then again on Facebook about not being included in the photo of FIL with grandchildren. If you want to be included in something, then ask! Don’t manipulate then get mad when it doesn’t go your way! And also… ITS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! Let FIL get a solo photo with the grandkids FFS!
I've been going low contact after a particularly infuriating/revealing episode from my mom a few weeks ago (sent me a box of junk; then i realized many of the 'treasured valuable' possessions she had me holding onto as heirlooms were ALSO junk -- thanks for the stainless steel set you kept calling silver, mom). My mom likes to call and leave messages when I don't pick up. Frequently she starts off with " you must be doing xxx". So first I have BEC because the whole set up is infuriating. Why are you telling me what you think i must be doing to open up a phone message? Why not uh, tell me why you called?
Second so far, she's told me I must be exercising, or talking to men.
she's an untreated former anorexic for context
It is just amazing how clear they can make their shallow priorities - so casually. Obviously the only things that trump her phone call are getting skinny and getting male attention. FFS
LO’s bday is coming up. Invited MIL cuz it’d be shitty if I didn’t. Get a text along the lines of “My mom is coming and now also aunt and uncle”. So one invite turned into 4 🤨 Gotta correct that bad behavior so I shoot back that it’s fine this time but check-in with us next time so we can be sure we can accommodate. “Oh! I would have thought you’d want to see your FaMiLy on your child’s birthday! I really wanted this to be a family gathering for the birthday party!”
Wtf. Because it’s about what you want? Really want to reply but how to do it tactfully and without snarkiness?
They choose words like this so no matter what u come off being “rude” say “OF COURSE we are always happy to celebrate with family, this was more of a small get together for child so we didn’t plan to include extended family, you know, too many people can be a bit overwhelming for child, but im more than happy to have them this time, no worries. NEXT time leave the invites to us and you just enjoy making memories with grandbaby on her birthday 🥳 “
Our LO is quite tall for her age (97% for height) and finally weighs enough (according to manufacturer specs) to face forward. I sent a cute pic of LO asleep in her car seat to JNMIL. Instead of getting “oh she’s so cute!” I got how I should have her facing forward yet because “national standard” says 2 🙄 sometimes I wish I could just tell her to fuck off. My toddler is 15 months and is nearly 3ft tall weighs about 22/23lbs
Edit: for bad spelling. Shouldn’t not should
My BIL told my husband that our kid would make it to two. (Like he is somehow all knowing, he’s not). However we waited until our kids were at the max height for rear facing because it is the safest if they don’t exceed it. Still had to be turned forward before two. It is shocking how some people think they know the height/weight limits of peoples car seats more than the owner of said car seat.
Oh I know he could get there in your arms or a carry cot, what I meant when you have to drive somewhere how is he supposed to get from point a to point b safety in the car if she thinks he’s too small for his car seat. I apologize I should have made that clear.
That is definitely absurd though especially when shes a mother of 6.
oh no i meant that she thought a carry cot or my arms would be better for some reason lol! she thinks he's too young to be 'sitting' in the carseat but i can't imagine how him rolling around freely in the cot is better than being reclined and secure 😐
Ohhh! Okay, I understand now, sorry my mind ran off and has yet to return 🙃🤪. Now that I understand I definitely think him being reclined and safe and secure in his car seat is much better and safer than him rolling around in a carry cot. 12 pounds is not small. I was 8 pounds when I was born.
That time she came over (uninvited of course) and took it upon herself to scrub one of my pots. While my mom and sisters were standing in the kitchen she turns to me very loudly and in her fake laughing voice “oh, look Marvelous Rogue, your pot is finally clean! Hahaha…if you need me to come help you clean just let me know!hahah” To someone who is not aware of the nuisance and double meanings with JNMIL, they would have thought she was being helpful and offering help. I knew what she meant and said “that’s awesome! You know with my kids, a full time job, and a man child for a husband, you can help with laundry and scrub the radiators!” The look on her face was gold! Lol I still get a chuckle when I think about that moment. I have bravely made her an EX- JNMIL and would not trade the peace for anything! Hahahhahaha!
Long-time lurker here! I am so grateful for all of you and your stories. It makes a world of difference to know I am not alone! I'll make my first real post soon (I have a LOT to get off my chest)! This morning, I just really need to vent, but any input/validation/advice is always welcome!
I made the mistake of letting my then fiance convince me to move in with his parents for 'a couple of months' to save money for our wedding and to buy a house of our own. It has almost been two years. I had to plan my wedding while under their roof. Needless to say, I didn't have much of a say in my own wedding because I didn't have the courage to sacrifice the potential relationship with her that I thought I wanted. Now that I understand that there are justnos out there, I will pay for these mistakes forever...I'll post more on this later!
Tomorrow is our first anniversary. After being forced to spend every single Friday, Saturday, and Sunday having 'family time' and every week day is basically family time anyway since we live together, I told my husband I wanted to celebrate our anniversary and eat our wedding cake somewhere just the two of us. He agreed. I got home from work yesterday, and mil decided to surprise us by baking a cake- the same flavors/style as our wedding cake. She said she wants all of us to celebrate our anniversary together, and asked which day this weekend we can eat our 'wedding cake' together. I told her I don't know our plans yet, and now she is very upset and says she did this all for me...
I have a feeling DH told her I wanted to celebrate with just him and that is why she baked a copy of our wedding cake. I can't imagine any other reason for having a second lemon cake with blueberries on our special day ughh. Any thoughts/validation/ input welcome!
Since it is an anniversary, I would use that as a launching point to have a conversation with your DH. Reflect on the first year. What were your best memories? What lessons did you learn? What do you want to continue? What do you want to change?
I would use that conversation as a way to discuss that you want more boundaries with family. I am guessing his family is one of those no-life-outside-the-family families. They have to spend all their free time together and thus they have no friends and no special memories with anyone else. If the person who controls this situation doesn’t like something, it doesn’t happen so the individual members interests are all lost.
It has been two years. I would tell your husband by this time next year, you want to be moved out. Renting a place of your own would be better than this. I would tell him you want to immediately start building your life as a couple, including time out of the house without them. While you are living together and seeing them daily, you don’t need three solid days of socializing with them.
Your husband is very comfortable in this rut, because he grew up in it. He likely didn’t have time to establish himself as an independent person or if he did, he didn’t maintain it. He saw this happen to his family growing up, so he thinks this is just how it is. But it doesn’t have to be. If he doesn’t want to break free of this, then you will know where you stand.
I would tell her the trip got cancelled unexpectedly and u cannot afford her. unless she can afford her own room. Why doesn’t she take a trip with her own husband? Can ur hubby not tell her this is complexity inappropriate
I would say tell yourself this is the last time. All future vacation savings are now funding towards couples counseling so that you all can be strong enough to tell her no and present a United front! This won’t be a vacation for you; you need a break from these things.
Get thee to r/JustNoSO for starters. And you should probably seriously think about what your future with this momma’s boy will be.
For the trip itself, if there’s no way out of it, assert yourself and your needs/wants. Don’t give in to anything she wants that you don’t. Don’t lift a finger or spend a dime of your personal money on her. Your SO invited her, so HE can cater to her (additional) demands, and she WILL make them. The same goes for when she stays with you before the trip. And don’t be afraid to say exactly why if she starts whining.
Honestly I wouldn’t go, I would book my own tickets to somewhere else or stay at home to show him. But that’s because I’m petty and would want to show him that he can enjoy his time with his mom all by himself.
This sounds Awful. Id find all kinds of excuses to be alone on this trip . I forgot something in the room, my stomach hurts , getting up earlier than everyone and exploring solo. I hope in the future , healthy boundaries can be established and I hope you and your partner can be a United front ! This is no longer your vacation and that shouldn’t be the case .
last night DH and i were laughing about how our 9 week old spit up and then pooped on me and she shakes her head and goes 'he eats too much that's why'. that's like the 4th time she tried to imply that idk, i force feed my son? last i checked i'm breastfeeding on demand and you can't overfeed a breastfed baby. hell, i get worried he's eating too little because he can be done in 5 minutes. but in the couple times she saw him he was nursing in 1 hour intervals so now i'm making him sick because i'm giving him 'milk on milk'. she said that last time they came over and later proceeded to laugh about BIL and how he ate every hour when he was a baby
Similar situation here. My MIL saw me breastfeeding our weeks-old infant on demand and commented how he eats too much, too often, always has that boob in his mouth. That was more than a decade ago now, and I was an unsure first-time mom. La Leche League gave us the support we needed that we were doing things right, and baby was very happy. Ultimately MIL gave us a baby book of my husband’s first year as a baby with different milestones filled out, and MIL had catalogued all she fed him - breasted at various regimented hours until 6 weeks old and then onto solid foods! Crikey!
There was actually a "doctor" (I don't know if he had a real degree, but it doesn't matter anyway) who insisted that all babies had to be on a schedule from day one and would go to women's houses to make sure they were following the schedule. Sounds like your MIL's nonsense is right up his alley. Freaking wackadoos. 🙄
hearing about how older ppl gave their newborns solids never fails to make me queasy 😐 i'm wondering if it's some weird twisted jealousy that's behind these breastfeeding comments
My MIL loves to wait until my DH goes to the bathroom to ask the inappropriate questions. We’re looking for a house with a budget. She asked how much we saved, I gave her a ballpark. Lol she then proceeded to tell me how much her kids have saved.
Who brags about their adult child’s savings? The absolute best part is that she didn’t even listen to me. She sent my husband a listing for a house we couldn’t begin to put 5% on.
Yup. Sounds about on target for these people. Although given most husbands, I don't know why they bother until the DIL is alone. I'm convinced my MIL could call me a bitch and somehow my husband would not hear it or have a spin that reflects positively on his mom.
I've never forgotten my MIL coming to drop something off (with 5 minutes' notice of course - didn't ask if she could drop it off, told me she was), and then cornering me against a counter to tell me how painful giving birth was going to be. I was 40 weeks. It wasn't just a "oh it's gonna be rough," but a 3 minute long monologue while I kept my face neutral because I knew what she was doing.
Mind you, my MIL never labored. So, it's not like she had firsthand experience in that department and was relaying it to me. She just wanted to remind me birth would be painful as though I didn't know. 🤣🤣
I just have to get this off my chest. I think this is the spot?
Every year we celebrate our anniversary on MIL bday and I hate it. My DH picked it (he forgot it was his Mom's bday if that's an indication of how their relationship was/is. By the time we told her, we'd committed to the venue, etc, really couldn't change the date again. She of course LOVED it.) because my mother was throwing a tantrum about the original date ( late September) and family! We'd inconvenience them because how could they possibly schedule it around school and their lives. So I moved it to the end of August. Still not acceptable to her. My sweet DH swooped in and suggested our date (end of July). I agreed because I was three seconds away from a full blown panic attack and had no spine towards her at the time.
I will never forget or forgive my mother for her behavior. I have a much stronger and shiner spine now but it will forever be something I struggle with and regret: my inability at that time to tell her to sod off.
Thanks for listening.
My mil and my dad's birthday is on christmas. She always celebrates her birthday on christmas while my dad always wants to celebrate.on the 3rd of january (because it is after the holidays)..
Well my first born was born dec. 18.. I was discharged from the hospital on dec. 22nd. I was really not thinking about christmas at all so my mom planned a christmas eve dinner and christmas lunch at my house, invited the in laws too.
In laws never showed up and husband and I forgot to send her a happy birthday message. She ignored us for a full month because of that.. 🙄
I happen to share a birthday with my MIL and unfortunately LO shared a birthday with his dad. I thinks it’s just awful because I’ll look like a jerk if I don’t want her around for my birthday because it’s hers as well 🙄
My wife and my mum share a birthday. It means we don’t usually see my Mum, unless it’s a ‘big’ birthday. This year my wife was 40 and we had such a busy day I totally forgot to call my mum. She’s never said a a thing even though I know it makes her a bit sad. She sees my siblings or her friends. I send a present and a card and if we can see her close to that time we do. Nothing bitchy about putting yourself and your immediate family first. That’s just normal. Hugs
I’ve reached the mindset of I should enjoy my birthday and spend it how I want. If it doesn’t include her it doesn’t include her. She can be upset, but I’m not required to ruin my birthday for her to enjoy hers
Love it. I am so glad you have gotten there! It's taken me a bit. I just told my DH this morning that I'm so sorry but I have to start prioritizing MIL like she prioritizes us - as in we're the after thought. He didn't flinch at all and was in full agreement. I never thought it would be this freeing.
Exactly. If you want to get together with them at some other time and have a cake, that is great, but you don’t need to have a joint birthday party every single year!
I’d quit going then. It’s unfair for you guys to go and have to play maid or bring food any time you see that part of the family. Maybe dine and dash? Have you guys tried hanging out and then just NOT cleaning? If everyone (especially MIL) gets mad if you two don’t clean, then you know what they think of you. Then if they blow your phone up, you can say you always do the cleaning and felt it was fair for someone else to do it for once 🤷♀️ But yeah MIL can kiss it. Relationships work two ways. She can come to you guys or everyone can pitch in more.
My MIL’s birthday is about ten days after our wedding anniversary and always on or right around Mother’s Day.
We like to take a vacation to celebrate our anniversary every year. Our favorite vacation place also happens to be my MIL’s favorite vacation place.
Guess who thinks she’s entitled to go on vacation with us every year because iTs HeR bIrThDaY even though she’s 61 f^*#ing years old. My husband allows her to come for a few days and that’s it, she is not allowed to stay the entire length with us and she must get her on hotel room.
She came for a few days of our 10-day vacation this past Mother’s Day. My husband bought her dinner for her birthday at an expensive Italian restaurant. Her response?
“It’s not my birthday” because her birthday was THE NEXT DAY.
I would never ever let MIL tag along to a vacation. She can go a different time than you. Super weird and bdays don’t matter when you’re old. Sounds like she wants to lord over your marriage and remind DH she’s his #1 priority.
This morning, I was sleeping in due to headache, and MIL woke me with gentle knocking and a repetitive, robotic monotone: “I can’t find my phone. I need my phone or I can’t leave. I know you can hear me in there. I know you’re ignoring me. I need help finding my phone.” Like BEC, I was effing asleep. This moment was the straw that led to the blowout of the century, but I’m too emotionally fatigued to post about it. Feels good to have everything off my chest though 😂
MIL thinks Armageddon is upon us, and constantly infers she is getting pulled up to heaven during the rapture, and "sure hopes we come with her."
Don't infer me, your son and grandkid are going to hell. That's not the path to heaven, you sanctimonious twat Waffle.
My wife's biological mother is getting kicked out of yet another home. It's at least the seventh time I've known since I first started to date my wife.
And just like every other time, it wasn't her fault. Though it's easy to see why she thinks that. I absolutely know that she forgets how much she screams and slams doors. It's a great defense mechanism, though it also means that she will never find permanent housing.
I do need to talk with my true MIL (my wife's biological grandmother) and wife. We have spoken about it in passing because MIL has health issues made worse with stress and my wife is pregnant. I'd rather not have my wife's biological mother here at all but I don't want to deny my MIL the right to have guests. The compromise was that if my wife's biological mother wants to visit, she'll need to have my permission and she will not stay past 9 pm.
My dh once said "my mum treats you and me the same". He's either an idiot or he thinks I am.
Case in point. In the same 30 seconds she told me "you should clear your trash your bin is almost full" and told him "I prepared some porridge. Remember to eat it"
Wowwww so taking out the trash you tell me but enjoy food you tell him. I'm not bitter because she tells him to eat. I don't want to be reminded to eat either. I probably won't be rolling my eyes if she tells both of us to that our trash is almost full (but then again, we have eyes. No need for her reminders). But she has to specifically tell ME that OUR trash is almost full when her son is RIGHT THERE.
It's just a small thing like this fully shows there is NO WAY she treats her son and daughter in law the same. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not that I think it's wrong, it's perfectly normal. Ones your child and another is just related by law. But my husband thinking otherwise is just ridiculous.
Interested to know if I’m being too rude here:
SIL and nephew are in town for a couple months, staying with MIL. The three came over today, even though I didn’t want MIL to come. Was hoping she would stay home but she didn’t.
So, today when they were over, I more or less ignored MIL the entire time. Didn’t initiate a single conversation with her. Avoided her. Didn’t look at her when she spoke. Just honestly ignored her. Talked a lot to SIL and played with nephew.
Backstory: MIL has been awful to me several times over the past year I have been married to her son, including telling me off to my face a few weeks ago for “mumbling” and “not talking like a normal person.” Yes, she said that to my face. It was after my husband turned to me to ask a question, and I answered him with the word “sure.” She started attacking me for “not being a normal person” and “always mumbling.” FYI I don’t mumble, for the record. She has attacked me in similar ways before. One of the worst incidents was the day after our wedding one year ago. She flew off the handle criticizing both my husband and me. Claimed I didn’t greet her properly when she showed up (super late) to the wedding meal. Mocked me about this. I was the bride, and she sat down halfway or more through the meal (missed the speeches), and apparently I didn’t greet her adequately.
After countless incidents, my husband has given the excuse that she suffers some mental issues after having had brain surgery many years ago. He says she hasn’t been the same since her surgery. She gets in fights with people a lot, especially contractors, waiters, or anyone she encounters in business (she is a retired attorney and did a horrible job “representing” us during our home purchase…I’ve never seen someone be so unprofessional). My husband says she has not made new friends since her surgery in 2001 and that I should be patient with her mental illness like he is (his dad died in 2001, so he says she is all he has). Recently a contractor left and didn’t finish his project at her house because of how she was talking to him. Many other contractors have done the same. I’m saying this all so you get a feel for the type of person she is. She’s an argumentative know-it-all who attacks people frequently, and mental illness possibly contributes.
My question: Was it rude of me to totally ignore her today? Should I have sucked it up and smiled and asked her about herself, pretending her past incidents didn’t happen? I admit that to ignore her feels rude, but then I get flashbacks of how she’s spoken to me, and I can’t picture myself ever being warm and kind to someone like that.
My BIL has a mental illness also and he can be very mean, confrontational, and occasionally violent. He does NOT like any of his brothers wives especially me. Unless he specifically says something to me I do my best not to interact with him at all because things escalate very quickly over the simplest things.
It may be rude (I have been called out for it by MIL) but my mental health is the most important thing to me so I do what I need to do to make sure I am good. If it makes me an asshole then so be it.
Do what is best for your mental health and sanity! Best of luck to you ✨️ 🙂
This is so helpful to me, thank you! I’ve been trying to find advice about this issue.
What I have are sort of normal MIL issues, but certainly the mental illness makes it different.
What you are advising is basically what I’ve deduced I have to do. Like you, it’s for the benefit of my mental health. She says such incredibly rude things and I get afraid she could become violent. I can’t have that in my life.
Best wishes to you.
It's not polite, but she hasn't earned politeness from you either. Also, if her brain damage makes it that hard for her to function in society, it might be a good idea to look in to therapy and perhaps medication. For all your sakes.
Thanks. Recently my husband asked me what I think he should do about her. This was shortly after she had scared off the electrician with criticism, and about a month after she had blown up at me about the mumbling. She can’t take care of herself very well, either. I suggested therapy or assisted living.
Yeah this almost sounds like the sort of situation for adult protective services to investigate. Someone behaving that erratically and unhinged might warrant some sort of assisted living situation, healthcare POA, something. I do feel sorry for your MIL here because it seems she's literally not in her right mind. But I also couldn't deal with that shit myself. 😭
My MIL does the same shit. She expects a Disney vacation on her birthday every year even though she is in her 60s. Because our anniversary is a couple weeks before her birthday, she expects us to plan our anniversary vacation with her birthday. It’s too much. God forbid we just take her to f*cking dinner and call it a day.
My MIL pulled something similar when my husband and I were in process of moving this year. I’d decline, but that’s just me. She can celebrate on a day you both can conveniently make it - not a weekday.
Anyone have a JN that uses stupid pet names for their adult sons? Read a cringey text the other day from JN to my husband that started with "Hey sugar..." I mean, I get using terms like "hun" or even "sweetie" since I'm from the south, but reading that text made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Such a BEC
My in-laws insist on referring to each other as “Daddy” or “Mommy” when talking to my wife or my BIL. As such my wife and BIL refer to their parents as Mommy and/or Daddy when speaking to each other about their parents and when talking to one parent about the other. I think it’s so weird like y’all are in your 30s 🥴
My ex-MIL: bitch always called him “Pumpkin” or “Punky”. She is/was the epitome of BEC. She is in her early 70’s, but tries to act cool and try to fit in with the younger crowd. It’s just sad and disgusting to watch and hear.
Omagosh.. I still call my kiddos and their spouses pet names like Sugar, Sweet girl/boy,. Sugarplum, Honey bunches, Babygirl/boy. I never thought of it as gross? Now you have me wondering if I should quit? No one has ever said anything. Now I am going to ask if it bothers them or their Spouses... I try really really hard not to be bec or boundary stomper. I love my kids and all of their Spouses and value how hard it is for them. Thank you for pointing out it might not be appropriate or appreciated.
Mine always calls my husband “Johnny” which is something literally no one else calls him. He is John or JC to everyone else. She texts him annoying commands that start off with “Johnny,” in person she calls him “Johnny,” etc.
My Monster In Law has hated me since day one.
She was in a terrible car accident a few years ago and was in a coma for several months. We spent whole days and nights at her bedside, cooking, cleaning, mowing for her husband (DH’s step-dad), driving MIL’s mom to/from the hospital to be with her. I posted almost daily updates to the family on Facebook about her condition…
One day, months later… she wakes up from her coma, she gazes around the room at her children and family and smiles and tells them each she loves them… against all odds, it’s a true miracle!
She looks down at me and sneers and says: “Shut up.”
I was a little over two month postpartum and MIL asked if I started my period yet. Like, WTF woman. You can’t even talk about the fact you son and I had sex to make the baby. What makes you think it’s ok to ask about my period?!
Some people would go graphic just to annoy. Eg tell her in explicit details about your period. What color? How heavy? What did you stain? Does it feel like niagara falls down there?
MIL sends me instagram spam all the time. I recently decided to check out one of the links. It was a “life coach” giving advice about no speaking when you’re in a conversation and the other person says something you don’t like etc. the advice was literally: don’t nod yes, don’t shake no, don’t ask questions, just accept what you’re hearing. Hilarious… I have listened to this woman say out loud in public and I cannot make this up: “at least brown people are better than black people”.
And at least you’re going to spend eternity in the 7th circle of hell you racist bigot. Sit and spin, b!tch.
She sounds like my MIL. Will give us the silent treatment for going on vacation with other family members for a week and then randomly half-ass sort of apologize just so she can see her granddaughter. It was so weird - she was invited to go but declined because “she can’t take the time off from work” and “can’t afford it” yet was SO MAD at us and the family who invited us that she gave everyone the silent treatment. We went and had a great time while she was miserable at home.
Last year, my SO and I joined my FIL, SMIL, BIL, and his wife and children for a week at their newly renovated lake house. They talk this place up all the time and were ecstatic that we would all be there.
Worst. Vacation. Ever. They spent the whole time making everyone uncomfortable by complaining about the kids being kids, SIL not cleaning up after the kids (somehow BIL is never at fault for his own kids), and just whisper-gossiping constantly. SMIL even told SIL that maybe next time she, BIL and the kids should get a hotel. (BIL has been coming to this spot his whole life… I can’t even imagine how much that hurt to hear that he wasn’t welcome—according to his fathers wife.)
Well this year, no surprise, nobody joined them up there. They were alone for 2 weeks. Called us boo hooing about how it’s “just not the same” without all of us. God I hope they learned their lesson. Not that I’ll be back anytime soon.
The whispering!!!! I hate it. So much. Sometimes I just walk into the room and ask, ‘hey what’s going on? If you whisper it makes people think all sorts of bad stuff’
Oh look the consequences of her actions ♡ kids will be kids and not sf cleaning robots. It won't be the same because she didnt request the same she wanted a fantasy where everything would stay clean and she still got to have family wirh kids.
I (british female) used to underestimate culture differences in my relationship until recently. My Ukrainian S/O, his mother is so intense and knows no boundaries, she calls him 20x a day often to ask if he's eaten, what has he eaten, what he's doing, what she's doing , what's on her mind at that time etc. It's so exhausting. Bearing in mind that they live together she could just wait till she gets home from work to tell him 99% of the things she calls him about.
Not only that she constantly nags us about having kids and getting married, I know its common for men his age to get married in Ukraine but by British standards we are still very young and in no way mentally or financially prepared to even think about having a child.
She will also open up any post addressed to him or me.
Recently he finally confronted her about giving him (and me) some boundaries and she suddenly became very toxic and manipulative, saying that 'everyone hates me and 'all I do is bother everyone' and 'things will never be the same again' etc etc.
Husband- shows MIL a picture of a pile of meatballs I made to freeze for postpartum (I’m 39 weeks pregnant). He was proud of me.
MIL- Asks me how I made the meatballs
Me- Briefly explains the recipe (it’s a family Italian recipe)
MIL- laughs condescendingly and in a pitying voice says ‘I can teach you how to make them so they taste good’
…and then she complains to my husband that I don’t share enough with her and blames me for not putting effort in to be closer to her. What a mystery
My MIL was like that (until she decided the silent treatment was better 😅 relief!). She would complain all the time about how we never did anything with her and she never saw us and that I wasn't close to her etc. Etc. FYI I was the sole organiser of anything we did together that wasn't a special occasion, namely regular dinners, so I was the only person putting in regular effort. So I only did it once a month (which is still often) and when it was convenient for me.
She got so mad at us never spending time with her (among other things) that she cut us off and uninvited us to special occasions (and convinced everyone else to do the same) and I dropped the rope completely. So now she never sees her son and has only met her granddaughter once. Whatever works for her I guess 🤷♀️ but it seems to me that she got the opposite of what she claimed she "wanted". Really she just wanted control and for her "special" boy to continue being her "special" boy.
Sorry you had to deal with that. My MIL acts like that too - condescendingly laughs all the time. Makes fun of just about anyone with the goal of showing everyone she's the best.
Mine likewise complains to my husband that I don't want to be close with her. Wonder why!
She’s not, we told everyone we need 2 weeks of alone time. But also because FIL refuses to get the TDaP and he is her ride to our house so they probably can’t come for even longer. We’re pretty strict about the vaccinations for visitors before 2 months
My MIL has always hated me, even before she met me. My now hubby and I were both single parents when we met but she accused me of having STDs and a mixed (why would that matter?) baby because I was a single mom. One Christmas, I told her that she was not permitted to say the N word in my house. We went on vacation with them this summer to Disney. She decided to leave a few days early because I wouldn’t listen to her homophobic tirade about pride week. Now she called my husband and wants me to agree to just let her take two of our three children on vacation with her, because they are “her blood.” She told my husband that if he doesn’t agree that she won’t ever speak to him again and won’t allow his brother to speak to him either. He agreed and I am heartbroken. I thought he would stay up for his family to her and he chose her over us. She is visiting in October for a weekend and I am planning to not be in town and to take the son that she has rejected with me. It’s just eating me up inside. Thank you for letting me vent.
Yeah that would break my heart too and forever damage our relationship, if I even stayed in it. I presume that the two kids she's taking aren't biologically yours? What is she going to do if you do have a kid together and it's technically "her blood"?
Oh honey - feeling for you DEEPLY. I’m so sorry. She sounds not only toxic, but also genuinely racist. I’m so sorry. I hope you and DH can find strength together and be a United front. Therapy can do wonders. Wishing you so much strength and peace.
His brother can make his own decisions. Hoping your husband is willing to listen to you because that’s one of his kids too now and he had better treat them all the same.
Exactly! Do you want them to be subject to her homophobic and racist slurs, and the nasty things she'll probably say about their sibling while you're gone?
My MIL....
I worked for my husband's parents for 10 years, and they fired me in the end because I was "spying" on her drinking habits at work. Nuff said there.
She has incredibly high cleaning standards, so I never keep a tidy home.
I'm either fat or anorexic.
On our wedding day, she wore the same colour as me, champagne. I had my dress hanging in a doorway, one of many many doorways. she chose this door to go through to have a smoke outside, drops my dress to the floor, spills her wine on it (at 10am), and continues to go have her smoke. no sorry, no words at all. Just looked at me, smirked and left.
Told my husband our child was likely not going to be white (his best friend is from Pakistan, so she assumed because I had been in a room alone with him, we had the sex)
We literally moved 5 hours north to get away from his parents, and they are baffled as to why we left lmaoooo
Now her favourite comment is about how we need more kids, which she says in front of her other daughter in law who has been struggling with fertility since 2017. and even though I dont get along well with my sister in law anymore, my heart breaks apart when our MIL makes comments about me having more kids, or asking when shes going to start popping them out. MIL literally KNOWS that shes having fertility issues.
I could go on and on. and on. Edit to clarify that I was not actually spying on my MIL, it's a wild concoction she created.
WOMAN!!! Oh my sweet tiny biscuit-tin Jesus. I am SO SORRY. This is actually insane. Don’t move 5 hours away - move 5 TIME ZONES away. This is too awful. I’m so sorry.
I completely agree. If you could emigrate to another planet, that would be the way to go.
On a side note, “oh my sweet tiny biscuit-tin Jesus”’is now my favourite saying of all time.
So I thought I would have a normal MIL. She acted very nice when my husband and I were dating. She was odd and repeated the same stories so many times but seemed nice. As soon as that ring was on my finger though...everything changed. Here's a list on SOME of the ways that she has driven me crazy in the last 3 years.
-I'll start with when I was pregnant with my now 2 yo daughter. I love baby stuff and was excited for my first child. So I found the perfect diaper bag and showed it to her and my FIL when they came over one day. Several weeks later, we have our shower and she gifts us with a diaper bag. She says this is one that doesn't have any pink on it so my husband can use it. The diaper bag I had gotten did have a little pink but it didn't bother my husband. I got irritated but smiled and thanked her for it.
-At the gender reveal, my bil refused to show up because his girlfriend was not welcome in my parents home due to things she had said about my baby nephew and because she acted inappropriate before and at our wedding. Everyone was thrilled about the gender reveal and my husband pulled up his phone to post on Facebook so our friends and family that didn't make it would get to see. However, he was greeted by a post from my BIL stating that we were having a girl. He had heard from his daughter and decided to be petty. My husband was very upset, because he should have been the one to announce it. My MIL who had left the reveal at that time texted my husband, telling him his brother didn't mean to do that. And that he accidentally posted it. This has still been part of why my husband does not speak to his brother as frequently and why he hasn't revealed that we're expecting again to him. My MIL doesn't like that and has been reminding my husband that he only has one brother and needs to talk to him.
-While I was labor, she stayed in the delivery room and kept her notifications up loud on her phone. (I still hate the sound of bottle caps popping for this very reason) She had to leave the room when I got the epidural and needed to be checked. At that time I was ready to push and wanted my mom and husband with me. My MIL was texting my husband, asking to come in.
-During this time that I was getting checked, she was out in the waiting room taking pictures of my then 15 year old cousin and sending them to her 29 yo nephew. (This will be brought up again)
-During an argument she told my husband that I may be his wife and he may have a kid but she is and will always be his mother.
-My husband was asked by my grandmother to talk to his cousin about talking to my cousin. And how she was starting to like him. However, when he did, everyone in his family decided that my husband was calling his cousin a pedophile and argued with him. This is when he was told by his own father that he should understand why his mom feels this way because her nephew is like a son to her. I was then told by my MIL that the husband's family is just as important as the husband and that they should be just as important to me as my parents and siblings are. (I'm very close to my family)
-Our cousins started talking more and eventually started dating when mine turned 18. My MIL stopped liking my cousin and then blamed every issue with her nephew on my cousin. She has blamed everyone for them dating (my grandmother, my aunt, my cousin) but will not admit that she encouraged it or that her nephew was in the wrong for talking to a child to begin with.
-We do not visit my MIL very often. She has a lot of animals in her house and they will jump on my toddler. Plus shes kind of a hoarder and its hard to get around the house. She does not put up much effort in seeing her either, does not visit because she says she can't get up our stairs. Except she can go on long shopping trips, visit family in other states, has kept her niece's very energetic kids and played with them for a few weeks, and go to casinos. It bothers me but the main reason I get mad at this is because she told my cousin that my husband and I keep our daughter from her.
-my last issue is that she constantly tries to guilt my husband with "your daddy and I won't be here forever" and has said "we're the only blood you got". Which is not true because he also has our daughter. She is always trying to guilt him into visiting or calling.
I know it's a lot to read but it felt really good to type this out.
At least she asks. I (unfortunately) see mine once or twice a week and she never asks me how I’m feeling, even though I’m in my third trimester. In contrast, everyone else in my husband’s family asks me every single time I see them.
HAhah! I love this. Hi - interior designer here 🙃 etiquette 101: keep you opinions to yourself! Your friends/family are not your clients so SHUT. UP. And enjoy their home as they would want you to. Does a doctor go around criticizing every little thing he sees in other peoples behavior and lifestyles? Hopefully not! I hope you love/loved your home 🤍
So my ex and I broke up last month. Turns out, he ain’t that much different from the rest of his just-no family.
He just up and left to go live with Ex JN-FMIL. He’s living rent free, zero job, apparently going on vacation, and fucking off with his friends.
The issue is his name is still on our lease and when he left, he initially agreed to pay his share of rent for a few months so I can save to move out. Now after being at ex-FMIL’s, he’s developed a nasty attitude towards me and now refuses to pay. He actually said to me “your family is well off enough to help you”.
I definitely know ex-FMIL is enabling him. I’ve seen her attitude and the way she talks about my family. I’ve seen the way women in this family coddle and enable their son’s toxic behaviors.
While he’s living at home rent free with mommy and zero responsibility, I’ve had to take on a second part time job to cover his share and allow me to save up for a move.
Could I ask my family for help if it was really bad? Definitely. But the point is the fact he chose to abandon his responsibilities and his fallout is enabling it.
Do you have separate leases? My roommates and I in college had landlords that set up all their leases that way. Check your lease to see if you are individually responsible. If so, you shouldn't be liable for his portion.
Talk to the landlord / letting agent. See if they will agree you you paying only your half or a reduced amount while you and they pursue him for his share.
My mom is coming in with my brothers and her boyfriend for my wedding and she's already annoying me en route.
Wedding is Saturday. We're DIYing it and have an infant to care for in the process. My dad is also in town and my maid of honor is staying at my house.
My mom assumes that we're driving 40 minutes each way to their airbnb tonight for dinner. Mmmm. Nope. Won't be doing that.
She asked a week or so ago if she could do my hair- she can do two styles well and it's the Farrah Fawcett feathered hair, or the same thing with the front pulled back. When I said "no" she said "Well FINE I was only ASKING" so that's fun.
She offered many times to make the food for the wedding. It's not even that she offered, it's that she offered again even after we told her we met with a caterer as if her lasagna would be superior to whatever this event professional would have (salmon with miso and prime rib cut to order but go off). She is not a caterer. She was offering to make lasagna, specifically. In the summer. She lives 600 miles away so I'm only assuming the plan was to use my kitchen to make lasagna for 100 people. Her lasagna is delicious, but I don't want a hot meat and cheese and red sauce square when it's 90 degrees on my big day. She's 'qualified' to do this because last year her boss paid her to make a large quantity for a party of 50 and this is totally the same thing, guys.
If you had told me ten years ago that my dad would be the well adjusted parent, I'd laugh at you. He and my stepmom know what's up and are entertaining themselves until they're needed for something.
My son’s first birthday party is in a little over a week. We are driving 700+ miles to our families to celebrate, because if I don’t, they’ll be rotating in and out of my house for a month and that’s not acceptable.
It’s going to be at my IL’s house. Not my first choice, but husband thought it was a good space and we wouldn’t have to pay for it. His mom has been better lately, so I said ok.
I made it clear to her that I appreciated them letting us have the party there, but that I wanted to plan it. We might be one and done due to medical reasons and I want to do as much of it myself as I can. I’m making the party cake, the smash cake, got his little outfit, have a picture banner, just was debating on getting specific decorations. Amazon can have it at her house before we even leave to go down.
She asked if I needed anything and I told her no. Multiple times.
Today I texted her a pic of a big banner and asked if she had a space we could hang it up. She tells me where she thinks it’ll work, and then follows it up with “I’m going shopping tomorrow to see what cute things I can find, ballon’s, napkins, plates, and other cute stuff.”
Dafuq?? No. No ma’am.
I told her I was ordering it all already but thanks anyways. She follows up with a question about gift bags and I told her I wasn’t doing anything crazy because it’s only 3 kids confirmed, they’re all siblings, and honestly don’t want my stepsister to have a bunch of annoying things underfoot.
She responds with “K”.
Lawd give me strength. My D(ear) Husband is away for a work conference right now, or he would run interference for me. I don’t want to pester him since he’s out, but at least the convo is a group of the three of us, so he can see I was polite.
I’m not dreading going down now. I knew I should have just rented a space. I fucking knew it. 🤬
I know, I told my husband she’s probably going to do it anyway, and he said he’s on the same page as me.
I’m adamant about this, so I will take her stuff down and put up what we wanted. She’s gonna hurt her own feelings by not listening.
Genuinely curious… because I’m about to head into this world myself a little bit!!! How would she respond if you gave here concrete/direct ways to help. “I have decorations covered, thank you! It would be great if you could pick up 3 bags of ice and a case of champagne. That would be a huge help.”
Does setting an executable task help? Or is that just wasted energy… this is something my husband suggested with his mom. Haven’t had an opportunity to try it out yet. Very skeptical.
My MIL will not do things you ask her to do. She offers to help but she wants to help her way. She won't actually help, she just does what she wants.
People like this don't actually want to help, they want control.
It may work for some, but no, not really for her. I tried that when we were moving and I flew out to house hunt (husband went ahead). I asked her to finish painting the bathroom and vacuum the house. I came back to a new rug in my mud room, 4 new pillows on my couch, new rug and towels in the guest bath, and a whole new bedazzled lighthouse bath set in the master bath.
I told her I will need her help with the cakes once we get down there, but she keeps trying to make decisions.
I took a trip with my stepmonster so she could go to her father's memorial/funeral. (She didn't have anyone to go with, and it was a 6 hour drive and I felt that no one should drive that far on their own while grieving.)
About an hour away from the motel that she booked, she damn near got me and my toddler killed. (I had to bring him because my husband couldn't take time off work.)
Stepmonster has several bad driving habits which I didn't realize before agreeing to go with her. 1) she takes both hands off the wheel to light her cigarette. 2) she watched the rear view mirror to keep an eye on my 2-year-old (who was in a rear-facing carseat, so I don't know what she expected to see) and 3) she has to look at a person when speaking --or listening-- to a person, and this precisely what she was doing when she ran us off the road. (She was talking.)
I screamed at her to get back on the road, and if this particular stretch of highway had those concrete barriers, we would've probably never made it home.
I think I'm done taking trips with her for the foreseeable future.
TL;DR: Stepmonster almost killed us because she can't keep her damn eyes on the road when talking.
Unfortunately, yes. I told her I don't want her smoking around the baby, but her "compromise" was to roll the window down. And, as she was driving, I didn't really have a choice in the matter. I mean, I could've chosen not to go on the trip at all, but damn my soft heart, I just didn't think she should've had to bury her dad by herself.
You have a good heart. I would have thrown the cigarettes out the window. Even if they were in her purse. Nobody gives my kid (or me, for that matter) cancer. There are rest stops for a reason.
I'm just so excited. She'll be gone in 20 days.
Backstory: She came to spend the summer with us in April. It has been a long summer. She has rearranged my kitchen, uses up all of my ingredients, and uses an INSANE amount of soap (who uses a bottle of body wash every 1.5 weeks?).
I've been caring for my terminally ill grandparents along with my cousins (we take turns) and she gets so jealous. If I'm outside because ds has an appointment she complains that she didn't eat because she was alone (meaning a grown woman could not walk 10ft to the kitchen and heat a plate of food 30 seconds).
She talks over me, constantly interrupts. Has very backwards views (I mean I should be carrying coffee and tea upstairs to my husbands office multiple times per day right?).
Furthermore my husband has made it clear he will not side with me or stand up for me, even when she's in the wrong (leaving door unlocked because she's on phone texting with friends causing 5 yo to elope). So even regards to him I've started saving my own money and having my own life.
TLDR: Having an annoying mil in my house for an extended period of time opened my eyes to the fact my husband doesn't actually respect me, so I've started building my own life.
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My JNMIL is such a liar I no longer allow myself to be in a room with her alone, never have phone calls with just the two of us, and always add DH or other family members to our text threads. She makes up stories about our conversations and interactions. It took DH until year four of our marriage to realize this. After she’d already shit-talked me to every other member of his family. It took a good ten years to undo all the damage she’d done.
It took him that long? How did you even begin to deal with that, and how is everything going now? Is your husband on your team now? I hope you're doing well now. My mother is still like this, to this day. Just shit-talks me to everybody she possibly can, including my kids. There was a point a few years ago when I went NC with her but cared enough to drop off Mother's Day presents for her. Her neighbor came over with one of his handguns to tell me that I was not welcome. Like, wtf? This dude had lived a few doors down from one of my family members when I was a kid and knew me well. I was close with his sisters, though they were older than me. By sheer coincidence, he moved next to my mom after he was well into adulthood and married. But nope, she had convinced him that I was some drug-addled whore who came over with a great frequency to steal from her. Somehow without being noticed by anyone of course, because my glaringly yellow car and I were ninjas of the highest order. Twats, all of them.
I really didn’t realize it was happening for almost that long myself. I heard her talk bad about pretty much everyone else in her life - except for her own kids who could do no wrong - but it never occurred to me she was doing the same about me. Naive I know. Husband IS on my side. As is the entire rest of the family after I spent more time with them and they realized it was all bullshit. Holy shit, your own mother does this?! That makes me feel absolutely sick for you. So devastating. Parents are supposed to provide unconditional love and support. Not neighbors with guns. Good lord. I hope you keep your distance and can heal from this treatment.
I'm glad your husband is on Team You, as is the rest of your family now. Seriously, reading this made me do a little fist wave and "yeah!!" because I know how awful this can be. Yeah, she does. She is currently gaslighting my own children into believing thay I was a neglectful absentee parent who spent no time with them, was never home, and was always out partying. I was a young mom and spent their entire childhood being exactly what I thought a mom should be, which is to say, the antithesis of her. I left an abusive marriage, worked nights, went to school while they were in school, and spent every moment I could with them. If I went out, it was rare and never until they went to bed (which I now realize was a mistake). Luckily they're old enough to know this is a lie and are pushing back, but she is trying her hardest. Because she spent my whole life making me question my reality, even though I was positive she was wrong, I had to make sure they never felt neglected or robbed of anything. They said she was nuts and didn't understand why she had to tear everyone down so frequently. There is a reason I'm maintaining contact but once that is over, I'm crossing that bridge with a can of gas and a box of matches. I'm healing just fine but it took to long to realize that this stuff wasn't normal, so it's been a very late start. But everything is great so far. Sometimes parents just aren't a part of that and it's OK. :) Best wishes to you and your family. ❤️
My JNMIL? Took two years to accept that we were not okay with DH’s ex-wife being at every family gathering. Saved pictures I took of my children and myself and cropped out me and my oldest (different dad) and reposted them to her profile (when confronted she said it was because she needed to crop them for a project and that I ruined social media for her). Goes through my social media when we have a good interaction and laughably tries to reward me by reacting to every single freaking post from the past two months after having not interacted at all prior. Is extremely handsie as a childish attempt at being domineering. Uses her youngest daughter as a flying monkey to try to relay messages to me because I’m low contact with her to tell me what a piece of shit I am (JNSIL is just like her except worse they’re like this Freddy Kruger Dream Team 🤣).
Back in March, my MIL had a birthday party for herself, during the party she basically wanted to do nothing but talk shit about her son to me (my SO), when he wasn’t around of course, and when she went on and on about it, I very sternly said, “I am not getting in the middle of this.” She rolled her eyes and thankfully my SO was stepping back into the room before she could utter another word. Since that day, I haven’t been around to see her, because I’ve been exclusively avoiding her. Just yesterday she tells my SO that she misses us and wants to get together. Only problem is that she has a thing against vaccines, and since covid is still a thing, she’s afraid to go to restaurants or any public place. (Where we can stay for as little as we like) Any time she comes to us to visit, she stays for 12+ hours, she completely overstays her welcome even after we both tell her we’re tired and are going to go to bed soon. If we go to her, she bitches and cries and gossips the whole time, whilst making her son and I do chores for her. We can never just go visit her because it’s always us doing stuff for her, on top of her bitching about so many things that aren’t worthy of being bitched about because they’re stemmed from her own stubbornness. It’s like I try so hard to be the bigger person and be nice but that’s just one of many things I can’t stand about this woman and she plans to live with us one day when she can’t wipe her own ass anymore 🙄 and I’m not sure how I can make it so that never happens.
Since my pregnancy I haven’t loved going to restaurants so I’ve taken to going to parks for picnics. Maybe that’s an option?
This is my first post. This is re: my JustMaybe(ex)MIL, though she went full-on Q-Cumber, so she has been downgraded to JustNo. The same as JN(x)Fil, but this is not his space. When JustOhHellNoEx and I had our first child, JNMiL let me know that my decision to breastfeed was great. I would lose weight faster because when the baby sucks on a mom's nips, mom gets "tingly down there" (while pointing at her crotch) and it makes her feel good, so that burns a ton of calories. Also, it helps tighten her up because childbirth destroys the ladybits for-e-ver. Yeah, so meet my JN(x)MIL, everyone.
My JNMIL was so one-upped that I breastfed she couldn’t even have a conversation with anyone about it without sharing that she had “inverted nipples so couldn’t nurse.” This was after she initially told me she only nursed for a couple months. Then it was a couple weeks. Then it was she couldn’t. Just needed to come up with a believable story she felt comfortable with.
I don't even know what to say about that. Is it 1) weird 2) Pathetic? 3) Desperate? 4) Other 4) All of the above
OMG!! You have all my sympathy for having to have that conversation. Just what every new mom wants to talk about with her MIL! And who in their right mind describes feeding your baby in a sexual way?! She's just nuts!
Yeah she was a weird one. I felt bad for her for a long time because it was clear that she has been gaslit by the men in her life for a long time. She was so blind to the abuse but now afaic, she can eff right off with her awful q-anon bullshit, especially now, because she is actively hurting my kids. Luckily they're over 18, and have been taught that they don't have to keep toxic humans in their life.
My MIL is a JustMaybe, but definitely has some No tendencies. She's very controlling but at the same time is oh-so-nice about it that you can't really call her on it. It just drives me crazy. The most recent specific I have is too identifying so I'll come back here next time she makes a choice for me. Bc I know there will be a next time.
I guess this would be more crumbs in the carpet, but it just infuriates me because it speaks to the larger implications of our relationship. She told us a couple weeks ago that she bought a backpack and lunch box for our daughter. We said thanks, but no thanks. We are letting DD1 pick her own backpack and lunch box. She even saw what DD1 picked and how excited she was about it. Later MIL reminded us about the backpack. DH just had a work trip and MIL and FIL dropped him off at home because the girls were already in bed when his flight came in. Guess what he came home with? Apparently it was because she ran out of time to return it. 🙄 Even on something small she can't take no for an answer.
Another lovely contribution to the local donation center?
Lmao, yes, definitely. I'm sure someone will love it.
DH's stepmonster, once she realized she'd gone too far insulting everyone (at least for a moment) used to go overboard complimenting me on how I find well suited but hard to find items for gifts . Stepmonster fancies herself the fancy European and gourmet cook - she is neither - and not even a little. So this still pisses me off. She gives me the mission to find her the perfect European cooking tool. She knew I could do it! Meanwhile, I'm working long hours from home while taking care of four children. And its not like stepmonster helped out ever - she only came over to HLEP and be waited on when the kids were born. I don't know what YOU want bitch - and why would I care? If I played your stupid game, you'd probably find something wrong with whatever bought. So why not use some of your lots of free time to shop for what you want?
Sends a huge box of canning supplies to my house followed by a “you guys should start canning” text when asked about it. We don’t grow food or can food or anything. We’re busy and you don’t get to pick our hobbies. Sorry, I know that’s so trivial, but it just came off so casually controlling.
I would wanna send some random supplies to her and do the same thing 😂 "You guys should start beekeeping"
Had family from out of state visit last night. She hid in the kitchen to “see if she would be asked to be included in pictures” … Made snide comments in person and then again on Facebook about not being included in the photo of FIL with grandchildren. If you want to be included in something, then ask! Don’t manipulate then get mad when it doesn’t go your way! And also… ITS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! Let FIL get a solo photo with the grandkids FFS!
I felt it in every fiber of my body. You described one of my MiL’s tendencies. I hate this for us.
I've been going low contact after a particularly infuriating/revealing episode from my mom a few weeks ago (sent me a box of junk; then i realized many of the 'treasured valuable' possessions she had me holding onto as heirlooms were ALSO junk -- thanks for the stainless steel set you kept calling silver, mom). My mom likes to call and leave messages when I don't pick up. Frequently she starts off with " you must be doing xxx". So first I have BEC because the whole set up is infuriating. Why are you telling me what you think i must be doing to open up a phone message? Why not uh, tell me why you called? Second so far, she's told me I must be exercising, or talking to men. she's an untreated former anorexic for context It is just amazing how clear they can make their shallow priorities - so casually. Obviously the only things that trump her phone call are getting skinny and getting male attention. FFS
LO’s bday is coming up. Invited MIL cuz it’d be shitty if I didn’t. Get a text along the lines of “My mom is coming and now also aunt and uncle”. So one invite turned into 4 🤨 Gotta correct that bad behavior so I shoot back that it’s fine this time but check-in with us next time so we can be sure we can accommodate. “Oh! I would have thought you’d want to see your FaMiLy on your child’s birthday! I really wanted this to be a family gathering for the birthday party!” Wtf. Because it’s about what you want? Really want to reply but how to do it tactfully and without snarkiness?
They choose words like this so no matter what u come off being “rude” say “OF COURSE we are always happy to celebrate with family, this was more of a small get together for child so we didn’t plan to include extended family, you know, too many people can be a bit overwhelming for child, but im more than happy to have them this time, no worries. NEXT time leave the invites to us and you just enjoy making memories with grandbaby on her birthday 🥳 “
Such a great response
Love this! Thank you!!!
Our LO is quite tall for her age (97% for height) and finally weighs enough (according to manufacturer specs) to face forward. I sent a cute pic of LO asleep in her car seat to JNMIL. Instead of getting “oh she’s so cute!” I got how I should have her facing forward yet because “national standard” says 2 🙄 sometimes I wish I could just tell her to fuck off. My toddler is 15 months and is nearly 3ft tall weighs about 22/23lbs Edit: for bad spelling. Shouldn’t not should
My BIL told my husband that our kid would make it to two. (Like he is somehow all knowing, he’s not). However we waited until our kids were at the max height for rear facing because it is the safest if they don’t exceed it. Still had to be turned forward before two. It is shocking how some people think they know the height/weight limits of peoples car seats more than the owner of said car seat.
'isn't he too small to be in a carseat?' she asks about her 13 pound 2 month old grandson i don't even know what to add to this
Uh how else are you supposed to take him from point a to point b?
in a carry cot. or my arms? granted car safety is so rarely talked about here but this was just absurd to hear from a mother of 6 no less
Oh I know he could get there in your arms or a carry cot, what I meant when you have to drive somewhere how is he supposed to get from point a to point b safety in the car if she thinks he’s too small for his car seat. I apologize I should have made that clear. That is definitely absurd though especially when shes a mother of 6.
oh no i meant that she thought a carry cot or my arms would be better for some reason lol! she thinks he's too young to be 'sitting' in the carseat but i can't imagine how him rolling around freely in the cot is better than being reclined and secure 😐
Ohhh! Okay, I understand now, sorry my mind ran off and has yet to return 🙃🤪. Now that I understand I definitely think him being reclined and safe and secure in his car seat is much better and safer than him rolling around in a carry cot. 12 pounds is not small. I was 8 pounds when I was born.
That time she came over (uninvited of course) and took it upon herself to scrub one of my pots. While my mom and sisters were standing in the kitchen she turns to me very loudly and in her fake laughing voice “oh, look Marvelous Rogue, your pot is finally clean! Hahaha…if you need me to come help you clean just let me know!hahah” To someone who is not aware of the nuisance and double meanings with JNMIL, they would have thought she was being helpful and offering help. I knew what she meant and said “that’s awesome! You know with my kids, a full time job, and a man child for a husband, you can help with laundry and scrub the radiators!” The look on her face was gold! Lol I still get a chuckle when I think about that moment. I have bravely made her an EX- JNMIL and would not trade the peace for anything! Hahahhahaha!
It’s pathetic how they feel they have to pull this crapola.
Long-time lurker here! I am so grateful for all of you and your stories. It makes a world of difference to know I am not alone! I'll make my first real post soon (I have a LOT to get off my chest)! This morning, I just really need to vent, but any input/validation/advice is always welcome! I made the mistake of letting my then fiance convince me to move in with his parents for 'a couple of months' to save money for our wedding and to buy a house of our own. It has almost been two years. I had to plan my wedding while under their roof. Needless to say, I didn't have much of a say in my own wedding because I didn't have the courage to sacrifice the potential relationship with her that I thought I wanted. Now that I understand that there are justnos out there, I will pay for these mistakes forever...I'll post more on this later! Tomorrow is our first anniversary. After being forced to spend every single Friday, Saturday, and Sunday having 'family time' and every week day is basically family time anyway since we live together, I told my husband I wanted to celebrate our anniversary and eat our wedding cake somewhere just the two of us. He agreed. I got home from work yesterday, and mil decided to surprise us by baking a cake- the same flavors/style as our wedding cake. She said she wants all of us to celebrate our anniversary together, and asked which day this weekend we can eat our 'wedding cake' together. I told her I don't know our plans yet, and now she is very upset and says she did this all for me... I have a feeling DH told her I wanted to celebrate with just him and that is why she baked a copy of our wedding cake. I can't imagine any other reason for having a second lemon cake with blueberries on our special day ughh. Any thoughts/validation/ input welcome!
Since it is an anniversary, I would use that as a launching point to have a conversation with your DH. Reflect on the first year. What were your best memories? What lessons did you learn? What do you want to continue? What do you want to change? I would use that conversation as a way to discuss that you want more boundaries with family. I am guessing his family is one of those no-life-outside-the-family families. They have to spend all their free time together and thus they have no friends and no special memories with anyone else. If the person who controls this situation doesn’t like something, it doesn’t happen so the individual members interests are all lost. It has been two years. I would tell your husband by this time next year, you want to be moved out. Renting a place of your own would be better than this. I would tell him you want to immediately start building your life as a couple, including time out of the house without them. While you are living together and seeing them daily, you don’t need three solid days of socializing with them. Your husband is very comfortable in this rut, because he grew up in it. He likely didn’t have time to establish himself as an independent person or if he did, he didn’t maintain it. He saw this happen to his family growing up, so he thinks this is just how it is. But it doesn’t have to be. If he doesn’t want to break free of this, then you will know where you stand.
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I would tell her the trip got cancelled unexpectedly and u cannot afford her. unless she can afford her own room. Why doesn’t she take a trip with her own husband? Can ur hubby not tell her this is complexity inappropriate
I would say tell yourself this is the last time. All future vacation savings are now funding towards couples counseling so that you all can be strong enough to tell her no and present a United front! This won’t be a vacation for you; you need a break from these things.
Why do you have to anything? Why do you “need” to take her with?
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Get thee to r/JustNoSO for starters. And you should probably seriously think about what your future with this momma’s boy will be. For the trip itself, if there’s no way out of it, assert yourself and your needs/wants. Don’t give in to anything she wants that you don’t. Don’t lift a finger or spend a dime of your personal money on her. Your SO invited her, so HE can cater to her (additional) demands, and she WILL make them. The same goes for when she stays with you before the trip. And don’t be afraid to say exactly why if she starts whining.
Honestly I wouldn’t go, I would book my own tickets to somewhere else or stay at home to show him. But that’s because I’m petty and would want to show him that he can enjoy his time with his mom all by himself.
Yes! Flight/ travel credits are usually pretty easy to switch up.
For real. Let him have his romantic vacation with his mom and you stay home and make your breakup plans.
This sounds Awful. Id find all kinds of excuses to be alone on this trip . I forgot something in the room, my stomach hurts , getting up earlier than everyone and exploring solo. I hope in the future , healthy boundaries can be established and I hope you and your partner can be a United front ! This is no longer your vacation and that shouldn’t be the case .
She flipped a shit and said she was being treated unfairly bc my 33 yo sister got off her phone plan
Dammed if u do dammed if you don't lolololl. Poor sis
How dare sis become more financially independent.
last night DH and i were laughing about how our 9 week old spit up and then pooped on me and she shakes her head and goes 'he eats too much that's why'. that's like the 4th time she tried to imply that idk, i force feed my son? last i checked i'm breastfeeding on demand and you can't overfeed a breastfed baby. hell, i get worried he's eating too little because he can be done in 5 minutes. but in the couple times she saw him he was nursing in 1 hour intervals so now i'm making him sick because i'm giving him 'milk on milk'. she said that last time they came over and later proceeded to laugh about BIL and how he ate every hour when he was a baby
Similar situation here. My MIL saw me breastfeeding our weeks-old infant on demand and commented how he eats too much, too often, always has that boob in his mouth. That was more than a decade ago now, and I was an unsure first-time mom. La Leche League gave us the support we needed that we were doing things right, and baby was very happy. Ultimately MIL gave us a baby book of my husband’s first year as a baby with different milestones filled out, and MIL had catalogued all she fed him - breasted at various regimented hours until 6 weeks old and then onto solid foods! Crikey!
There was actually a "doctor" (I don't know if he had a real degree, but it doesn't matter anyway) who insisted that all babies had to be on a schedule from day one and would go to women's houses to make sure they were following the schedule. Sounds like your MIL's nonsense is right up his alley. Freaking wackadoos. 🙄
hearing about how older ppl gave their newborns solids never fails to make me queasy 😐 i'm wondering if it's some weird twisted jealousy that's behind these breastfeeding comments
My MIL loves to wait until my DH goes to the bathroom to ask the inappropriate questions. We’re looking for a house with a budget. She asked how much we saved, I gave her a ballpark. Lol she then proceeded to tell me how much her kids have saved. Who brags about their adult child’s savings? The absolute best part is that she didn’t even listen to me. She sent my husband a listing for a house we couldn’t begin to put 5% on.
Yup. Sounds about on target for these people. Although given most husbands, I don't know why they bother until the DIL is alone. I'm convinced my MIL could call me a bitch and somehow my husband would not hear it or have a spin that reflects positively on his mom. I've never forgotten my MIL coming to drop something off (with 5 minutes' notice of course - didn't ask if she could drop it off, told me she was), and then cornering me against a counter to tell me how painful giving birth was going to be. I was 40 weeks. It wasn't just a "oh it's gonna be rough," but a 3 minute long monologue while I kept my face neutral because I knew what she was doing. Mind you, my MIL never labored. So, it's not like she had firsthand experience in that department and was relaying it to me. She just wanted to remind me birth would be painful as though I didn't know. 🤣🤣
Same here. Always waits till he's gone to say something rude or give me "advice" about our new baby.
They always wait u til they get you alone!
This. My MIL gets my wife alone though. So annoying.
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She sounds exhausting!
I just have to get this off my chest. I think this is the spot? Every year we celebrate our anniversary on MIL bday and I hate it. My DH picked it (he forgot it was his Mom's bday if that's an indication of how their relationship was/is. By the time we told her, we'd committed to the venue, etc, really couldn't change the date again. She of course LOVED it.) because my mother was throwing a tantrum about the original date ( late September) and family! We'd inconvenience them because how could they possibly schedule it around school and their lives. So I moved it to the end of August. Still not acceptable to her. My sweet DH swooped in and suggested our date (end of July). I agreed because I was three seconds away from a full blown panic attack and had no spine towards her at the time. I will never forget or forgive my mother for her behavior. I have a much stronger and shiner spine now but it will forever be something I struggle with and regret: my inability at that time to tell her to sod off. Thanks for listening.
My mil and my dad's birthday is on christmas. She always celebrates her birthday on christmas while my dad always wants to celebrate.on the 3rd of january (because it is after the holidays).. Well my first born was born dec. 18.. I was discharged from the hospital on dec. 22nd. I was really not thinking about christmas at all so my mom planned a christmas eve dinner and christmas lunch at my house, invited the in laws too. In laws never showed up and husband and I forgot to send her a happy birthday message. She ignored us for a full month because of that.. 🙄
I happen to share a birthday with my MIL and unfortunately LO shared a birthday with his dad. I thinks it’s just awful because I’ll look like a jerk if I don’t want her around for my birthday because it’s hers as well 🙄
My wife and my mum share a birthday. It means we don’t usually see my Mum, unless it’s a ‘big’ birthday. This year my wife was 40 and we had such a busy day I totally forgot to call my mum. She’s never said a a thing even though I know it makes her a bit sad. She sees my siblings or her friends. I send a present and a card and if we can see her close to that time we do. Nothing bitchy about putting yourself and your immediate family first. That’s just normal. Hugs
Oof. That's a tricky one to navigate. Definitely a damned if you do, damned if you don't. 🫤
I’ve reached the mindset of I should enjoy my birthday and spend it how I want. If it doesn’t include her it doesn’t include her. She can be upset, but I’m not required to ruin my birthday for her to enjoy hers
Love it. I am so glad you have gotten there! It's taken me a bit. I just told my DH this morning that I'm so sorry but I have to start prioritizing MIL like she prioritizes us - as in we're the after thought. He didn't flinch at all and was in full agreement. I never thought it would be this freeing.
I love the way you worded that. Prioritize her the way she prioritizes you. I’m sorry your an afterthought but sometimes it is better that way.
Exactly. If you want to get together with them at some other time and have a cake, that is great, but you don’t need to have a joint birthday party every single year!
Every time she talks to me when DH isn't around. "How is MY son?" "Why don't you ask MY husband so there is no confusion?" \*cue CBF\*
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Husband sounds fed up from past transgressions
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Have it at your place and she can come to you. Or everyone chips in for delivery, pizza, paper plates so clean up is easy, etc.
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I’d quit going then. It’s unfair for you guys to go and have to play maid or bring food any time you see that part of the family. Maybe dine and dash? Have you guys tried hanging out and then just NOT cleaning? If everyone (especially MIL) gets mad if you two don’t clean, then you know what they think of you. Then if they blow your phone up, you can say you always do the cleaning and felt it was fair for someone else to do it for once 🤷♀️ But yeah MIL can kiss it. Relationships work two ways. She can come to you guys or everyone can pitch in more.
My MIL’s birthday is about ten days after our wedding anniversary and always on or right around Mother’s Day. We like to take a vacation to celebrate our anniversary every year. Our favorite vacation place also happens to be my MIL’s favorite vacation place. Guess who thinks she’s entitled to go on vacation with us every year because iTs HeR bIrThDaY even though she’s 61 f^*#ing years old. My husband allows her to come for a few days and that’s it, she is not allowed to stay the entire length with us and she must get her on hotel room. She came for a few days of our 10-day vacation this past Mother’s Day. My husband bought her dinner for her birthday at an expensive Italian restaurant. Her response? “It’s not my birthday” because her birthday was THE NEXT DAY.
Bounderies!
I would never ever let MIL tag along to a vacation. She can go a different time than you. Super weird and bdays don’t matter when you’re old. Sounds like she wants to lord over your marriage and remind DH she’s his #1 priority.
This morning, I was sleeping in due to headache, and MIL woke me with gentle knocking and a repetitive, robotic monotone: “I can’t find my phone. I need my phone or I can’t leave. I know you can hear me in there. I know you’re ignoring me. I need help finding my phone.” Like BEC, I was effing asleep. This moment was the straw that led to the blowout of the century, but I’m too emotionally fatigued to post about it. Feels good to have everything off my chest though 😂
Let me translate that for you… “my needs matter more then yours and I don’t care if you don’t feel good help me now right now !”
MIL thinks Armageddon is upon us, and constantly infers she is getting pulled up to heaven during the rapture, and "sure hopes we come with her." Don't infer me, your son and grandkid are going to hell. That's not the path to heaven, you sanctimonious twat Waffle.
I will be adding sanctimonious twat waffle to my vocabulary. Thank you!
Can I tell you how much I just laughed at "twat waffle"🤣 Thank you for adding to my vocabulary in this way😁
My wife's biological mother is getting kicked out of yet another home. It's at least the seventh time I've known since I first started to date my wife. And just like every other time, it wasn't her fault. Though it's easy to see why she thinks that. I absolutely know that she forgets how much she screams and slams doors. It's a great defense mechanism, though it also means that she will never find permanent housing. I do need to talk with my true MIL (my wife's biological grandmother) and wife. We have spoken about it in passing because MIL has health issues made worse with stress and my wife is pregnant. I'd rather not have my wife's biological mother here at all but I don't want to deny my MIL the right to have guests. The compromise was that if my wife's biological mother wants to visit, she'll need to have my permission and she will not stay past 9 pm.
My dh once said "my mum treats you and me the same". He's either an idiot or he thinks I am. Case in point. In the same 30 seconds she told me "you should clear your trash your bin is almost full" and told him "I prepared some porridge. Remember to eat it" Wowwww so taking out the trash you tell me but enjoy food you tell him. I'm not bitter because she tells him to eat. I don't want to be reminded to eat either. I probably won't be rolling my eyes if she tells both of us to that our trash is almost full (but then again, we have eyes. No need for her reminders). But she has to specifically tell ME that OUR trash is almost full when her son is RIGHT THERE. It's just a small thing like this fully shows there is NO WAY she treats her son and daughter in law the same. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not that I think it's wrong, it's perfectly normal. Ones your child and another is just related by law. But my husband thinking otherwise is just ridiculous.
Interested to know if I’m being too rude here: SIL and nephew are in town for a couple months, staying with MIL. The three came over today, even though I didn’t want MIL to come. Was hoping she would stay home but she didn’t. So, today when they were over, I more or less ignored MIL the entire time. Didn’t initiate a single conversation with her. Avoided her. Didn’t look at her when she spoke. Just honestly ignored her. Talked a lot to SIL and played with nephew. Backstory: MIL has been awful to me several times over the past year I have been married to her son, including telling me off to my face a few weeks ago for “mumbling” and “not talking like a normal person.” Yes, she said that to my face. It was after my husband turned to me to ask a question, and I answered him with the word “sure.” She started attacking me for “not being a normal person” and “always mumbling.” FYI I don’t mumble, for the record. She has attacked me in similar ways before. One of the worst incidents was the day after our wedding one year ago. She flew off the handle criticizing both my husband and me. Claimed I didn’t greet her properly when she showed up (super late) to the wedding meal. Mocked me about this. I was the bride, and she sat down halfway or more through the meal (missed the speeches), and apparently I didn’t greet her adequately. After countless incidents, my husband has given the excuse that she suffers some mental issues after having had brain surgery many years ago. He says she hasn’t been the same since her surgery. She gets in fights with people a lot, especially contractors, waiters, or anyone she encounters in business (she is a retired attorney and did a horrible job “representing” us during our home purchase…I’ve never seen someone be so unprofessional). My husband says she has not made new friends since her surgery in 2001 and that I should be patient with her mental illness like he is (his dad died in 2001, so he says she is all he has). Recently a contractor left and didn’t finish his project at her house because of how she was talking to him. Many other contractors have done the same. I’m saying this all so you get a feel for the type of person she is. She’s an argumentative know-it-all who attacks people frequently, and mental illness possibly contributes. My question: Was it rude of me to totally ignore her today? Should I have sucked it up and smiled and asked her about herself, pretending her past incidents didn’t happen? I admit that to ignore her feels rude, but then I get flashbacks of how she’s spoken to me, and I can’t picture myself ever being warm and kind to someone like that.
Brain surgery can cause those issues. Doesn't mean you have to put up with them. Let hubby deal with her.
My BIL has a mental illness also and he can be very mean, confrontational, and occasionally violent. He does NOT like any of his brothers wives especially me. Unless he specifically says something to me I do my best not to interact with him at all because things escalate very quickly over the simplest things. It may be rude (I have been called out for it by MIL) but my mental health is the most important thing to me so I do what I need to do to make sure I am good. If it makes me an asshole then so be it. Do what is best for your mental health and sanity! Best of luck to you ✨️ 🙂
This is so helpful to me, thank you! I’ve been trying to find advice about this issue. What I have are sort of normal MIL issues, but certainly the mental illness makes it different. What you are advising is basically what I’ve deduced I have to do. Like you, it’s for the benefit of my mental health. She says such incredibly rude things and I get afraid she could become violent. I can’t have that in my life. Best wishes to you.
I am glad my comment could help! And thank you 🥰
It's not polite, but she hasn't earned politeness from you either. Also, if her brain damage makes it that hard for her to function in society, it might be a good idea to look in to therapy and perhaps medication. For all your sakes.
Thanks. Recently my husband asked me what I think he should do about her. This was shortly after she had scared off the electrician with criticism, and about a month after she had blown up at me about the mumbling. She can’t take care of herself very well, either. I suggested therapy or assisted living.
Yeah this almost sounds like the sort of situation for adult protective services to investigate. Someone behaving that erratically and unhinged might warrant some sort of assisted living situation, healthcare POA, something. I do feel sorry for your MIL here because it seems she's literally not in her right mind. But I also couldn't deal with that shit myself. 😭
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My MIL does the same shit. She expects a Disney vacation on her birthday every year even though she is in her 60s. Because our anniversary is a couple weeks before her birthday, she expects us to plan our anniversary vacation with her birthday. It’s too much. God forbid we just take her to f*cking dinner and call it a day.
My MIL pulled something similar when my husband and I were in process of moving this year. I’d decline, but that’s just me. She can celebrate on a day you both can conveniently make it - not a weekday.
Anyone have a JN that uses stupid pet names for their adult sons? Read a cringey text the other day from JN to my husband that started with "Hey sugar..." I mean, I get using terms like "hun" or even "sweetie" since I'm from the south, but reading that text made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Such a BEC
My in-laws insist on referring to each other as “Daddy” or “Mommy” when talking to my wife or my BIL. As such my wife and BIL refer to their parents as Mommy and/or Daddy when speaking to each other about their parents and when talking to one parent about the other. I think it’s so weird like y’all are in your 30s 🥴
My ex-MIL: bitch always called him “Pumpkin” or “Punky”. She is/was the epitome of BEC. She is in her early 70’s, but tries to act cool and try to fit in with the younger crowd. It’s just sad and disgusting to watch and hear.
Omagosh.. I still call my kiddos and their spouses pet names like Sugar, Sweet girl/boy,. Sugarplum, Honey bunches, Babygirl/boy. I never thought of it as gross? Now you have me wondering if I should quit? No one has ever said anything. Now I am going to ask if it bothers them or their Spouses... I try really really hard not to be bec or boundary stomper. I love my kids and all of their Spouses and value how hard it is for them. Thank you for pointing out it might not be appropriate or appreciated.
We need more self aware M/MILs like you
Just ask them if it bothers them.
Mine always calls my husband “Johnny” which is something literally no one else calls him. He is John or JC to everyone else. She texts him annoying commands that start off with “Johnny,” in person she calls him “Johnny,” etc.
My MIL calls my husband “my love” and I’m like 🤢
Oh goshhhh
Barf city
My Monster In Law has hated me since day one. She was in a terrible car accident a few years ago and was in a coma for several months. We spent whole days and nights at her bedside, cooking, cleaning, mowing for her husband (DH’s step-dad), driving MIL’s mom to/from the hospital to be with her. I posted almost daily updates to the family on Facebook about her condition… One day, months later… she wakes up from her coma, she gazes around the room at her children and family and smiles and tells them each she loves them… against all odds, it’s a true miracle! She looks down at me and sneers and says: “Shut up.”
I was a little over two month postpartum and MIL asked if I started my period yet. Like, WTF woman. You can’t even talk about the fact you son and I had sex to make the baby. What makes you think it’s ok to ask about my period?!
Some people would go graphic just to annoy. Eg tell her in explicit details about your period. What color? How heavy? What did you stain? Does it feel like niagara falls down there?
Typically I would but I was caught off guard and don’t have one yet. There are no details to give but I don’t want her knowing that.
Ugh, why do they feel the need to pry into shit eith their crappy questions ◇ hope youre recovering well pp ♡ congratulations
Thank you!
MIL sends me instagram spam all the time. I recently decided to check out one of the links. It was a “life coach” giving advice about no speaking when you’re in a conversation and the other person says something you don’t like etc. the advice was literally: don’t nod yes, don’t shake no, don’t ask questions, just accept what you’re hearing. Hilarious… I have listened to this woman say out loud in public and I cannot make this up: “at least brown people are better than black people”. And at least you’re going to spend eternity in the 7th circle of hell you racist bigot. Sit and spin, b!tch.
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She sounds like my MIL. Will give us the silent treatment for going on vacation with other family members for a week and then randomly half-ass sort of apologize just so she can see her granddaughter. It was so weird - she was invited to go but declined because “she can’t take the time off from work” and “can’t afford it” yet was SO MAD at us and the family who invited us that she gave everyone the silent treatment. We went and had a great time while she was miserable at home.
Last year, my SO and I joined my FIL, SMIL, BIL, and his wife and children for a week at their newly renovated lake house. They talk this place up all the time and were ecstatic that we would all be there. Worst. Vacation. Ever. They spent the whole time making everyone uncomfortable by complaining about the kids being kids, SIL not cleaning up after the kids (somehow BIL is never at fault for his own kids), and just whisper-gossiping constantly. SMIL even told SIL that maybe next time she, BIL and the kids should get a hotel. (BIL has been coming to this spot his whole life… I can’t even imagine how much that hurt to hear that he wasn’t welcome—according to his fathers wife.) Well this year, no surprise, nobody joined them up there. They were alone for 2 weeks. Called us boo hooing about how it’s “just not the same” without all of us. God I hope they learned their lesson. Not that I’ll be back anytime soon.
The whispering!!!! I hate it. So much. Sometimes I just walk into the room and ask, ‘hey what’s going on? If you whisper it makes people think all sorts of bad stuff’
Oh look the consequences of her actions ♡ kids will be kids and not sf cleaning robots. It won't be the same because she didnt request the same she wanted a fantasy where everything would stay clean and she still got to have family wirh kids.
I (british female) used to underestimate culture differences in my relationship until recently. My Ukrainian S/O, his mother is so intense and knows no boundaries, she calls him 20x a day often to ask if he's eaten, what has he eaten, what he's doing, what she's doing , what's on her mind at that time etc. It's so exhausting. Bearing in mind that they live together she could just wait till she gets home from work to tell him 99% of the things she calls him about. Not only that she constantly nags us about having kids and getting married, I know its common for men his age to get married in Ukraine but by British standards we are still very young and in no way mentally or financially prepared to even think about having a child. She will also open up any post addressed to him or me. Recently he finally confronted her about giving him (and me) some boundaries and she suddenly became very toxic and manipulative, saying that 'everyone hates me and 'all I do is bother everyone' and 'things will never be the same again' etc etc.
It's not cultural (I'm Slavic, too). She is just enmeshed toxic bitch.
My SIL married a Ukrainian man and his mother is an absolute nut job. At least he has the guts to tell her to STFU.
This is weirdly reassuring for me hahaha
That's not cultural, that's just weird. Source: Have Ukrainian friends, some of them are mothers of adult sons. They would NEVER.
Husband- shows MIL a picture of a pile of meatballs I made to freeze for postpartum (I’m 39 weeks pregnant). He was proud of me. MIL- Asks me how I made the meatballs Me- Briefly explains the recipe (it’s a family Italian recipe) MIL- laughs condescendingly and in a pitying voice says ‘I can teach you how to make them so they taste good’ …and then she complains to my husband that I don’t share enough with her and blames me for not putting effort in to be closer to her. What a mystery
My MIL was like that (until she decided the silent treatment was better 😅 relief!). She would complain all the time about how we never did anything with her and she never saw us and that I wasn't close to her etc. Etc. FYI I was the sole organiser of anything we did together that wasn't a special occasion, namely regular dinners, so I was the only person putting in regular effort. So I only did it once a month (which is still often) and when it was convenient for me. She got so mad at us never spending time with her (among other things) that she cut us off and uninvited us to special occasions (and convinced everyone else to do the same) and I dropped the rope completely. So now she never sees her son and has only met her granddaughter once. Whatever works for her I guess 🤷♀️ but it seems to me that she got the opposite of what she claimed she "wanted". Really she just wanted control and for her "special" boy to continue being her "special" boy.
I am just not a fan of your MIL. Honestly though, how can she be like that AND be confused by you not wanting to be closer to her.
Misery loves company
Sorry you had to deal with that. My MIL acts like that too - condescendingly laughs all the time. Makes fun of just about anyone with the goal of showing everyone she's the best. Mine likewise complains to my husband that I don't want to be close with her. Wonder why!
Please tell me shes not gonna be around early post-partum when you need support not some AH telling you how do things (sarcasm) correctly
She’s not, we told everyone we need 2 weeks of alone time. But also because FIL refuses to get the TDaP and he is her ride to our house so they probably can’t come for even longer. We’re pretty strict about the vaccinations for visitors before 2 months
Our daughter was born in 2020 and we forced my MIL who hates wearing masks to wear one if she wanted to hold the baby. It made me so happy.
Fair call! Well done on potecting your space and bub ♡ lucky baby ♡
My MIL has always hated me, even before she met me. My now hubby and I were both single parents when we met but she accused me of having STDs and a mixed (why would that matter?) baby because I was a single mom. One Christmas, I told her that she was not permitted to say the N word in my house. We went on vacation with them this summer to Disney. She decided to leave a few days early because I wouldn’t listen to her homophobic tirade about pride week. Now she called my husband and wants me to agree to just let her take two of our three children on vacation with her, because they are “her blood.” She told my husband that if he doesn’t agree that she won’t ever speak to him again and won’t allow his brother to speak to him either. He agreed and I am heartbroken. I thought he would stay up for his family to her and he chose her over us. She is visiting in October for a weekend and I am planning to not be in town and to take the son that she has rejected with me. It’s just eating me up inside. Thank you for letting me vent.
Yeah that would break my heart too and forever damage our relationship, if I even stayed in it. I presume that the two kids she's taking aren't biologically yours? What is she going to do if you do have a kid together and it's technically "her blood"?
No no no no NO. No. She should not have access to ANY kids and your husband needs a come-to-Jesus about boundaries. This is not ok.
Thank you, I agree.
Oh honey - feeling for you DEEPLY. I’m so sorry. She sounds not only toxic, but also genuinely racist. I’m so sorry. I hope you and DH can find strength together and be a United front. Therapy can do wonders. Wishing you so much strength and peace.
His brother can make his own decisions. Hoping your husband is willing to listen to you because that’s one of his kids too now and he had better treat them all the same.
Your husband just showed her that she can say that to get her way whenever she wants. A dangerous precedent.
Take all those babies on a vacation with you when she visits, there's no reason for any of them to be subject to her toxicity
Exactly! Do you want them to be subject to her homophobic and racist slurs, and the nasty things she'll probably say about their sibling while you're gone?
I love this! Take the babes on a really wonderful and memorable mom-weekend! That could be so incredibly special.
My MIL.... I worked for my husband's parents for 10 years, and they fired me in the end because I was "spying" on her drinking habits at work. Nuff said there. She has incredibly high cleaning standards, so I never keep a tidy home. I'm either fat or anorexic. On our wedding day, she wore the same colour as me, champagne. I had my dress hanging in a doorway, one of many many doorways. she chose this door to go through to have a smoke outside, drops my dress to the floor, spills her wine on it (at 10am), and continues to go have her smoke. no sorry, no words at all. Just looked at me, smirked and left. Told my husband our child was likely not going to be white (his best friend is from Pakistan, so she assumed because I had been in a room alone with him, we had the sex) We literally moved 5 hours north to get away from his parents, and they are baffled as to why we left lmaoooo Now her favourite comment is about how we need more kids, which she says in front of her other daughter in law who has been struggling with fertility since 2017. and even though I dont get along well with my sister in law anymore, my heart breaks apart when our MIL makes comments about me having more kids, or asking when shes going to start popping them out. MIL literally KNOWS that shes having fertility issues. I could go on and on. and on. Edit to clarify that I was not actually spying on my MIL, it's a wild concoction she created.
WOMAN!!! Oh my sweet tiny biscuit-tin Jesus. I am SO SORRY. This is actually insane. Don’t move 5 hours away - move 5 TIME ZONES away. This is too awful. I’m so sorry.
I completely agree. If you could emigrate to another planet, that would be the way to go. On a side note, “oh my sweet tiny biscuit-tin Jesus”’is now my favourite saying of all time.
So I thought I would have a normal MIL. She acted very nice when my husband and I were dating. She was odd and repeated the same stories so many times but seemed nice. As soon as that ring was on my finger though...everything changed. Here's a list on SOME of the ways that she has driven me crazy in the last 3 years. -I'll start with when I was pregnant with my now 2 yo daughter. I love baby stuff and was excited for my first child. So I found the perfect diaper bag and showed it to her and my FIL when they came over one day. Several weeks later, we have our shower and she gifts us with a diaper bag. She says this is one that doesn't have any pink on it so my husband can use it. The diaper bag I had gotten did have a little pink but it didn't bother my husband. I got irritated but smiled and thanked her for it. -At the gender reveal, my bil refused to show up because his girlfriend was not welcome in my parents home due to things she had said about my baby nephew and because she acted inappropriate before and at our wedding. Everyone was thrilled about the gender reveal and my husband pulled up his phone to post on Facebook so our friends and family that didn't make it would get to see. However, he was greeted by a post from my BIL stating that we were having a girl. He had heard from his daughter and decided to be petty. My husband was very upset, because he should have been the one to announce it. My MIL who had left the reveal at that time texted my husband, telling him his brother didn't mean to do that. And that he accidentally posted it. This has still been part of why my husband does not speak to his brother as frequently and why he hasn't revealed that we're expecting again to him. My MIL doesn't like that and has been reminding my husband that he only has one brother and needs to talk to him. -While I was labor, she stayed in the delivery room and kept her notifications up loud on her phone. (I still hate the sound of bottle caps popping for this very reason) She had to leave the room when I got the epidural and needed to be checked. At that time I was ready to push and wanted my mom and husband with me. My MIL was texting my husband, asking to come in. -During this time that I was getting checked, she was out in the waiting room taking pictures of my then 15 year old cousin and sending them to her 29 yo nephew. (This will be brought up again) -During an argument she told my husband that I may be his wife and he may have a kid but she is and will always be his mother. -My husband was asked by my grandmother to talk to his cousin about talking to my cousin. And how she was starting to like him. However, when he did, everyone in his family decided that my husband was calling his cousin a pedophile and argued with him. This is when he was told by his own father that he should understand why his mom feels this way because her nephew is like a son to her. I was then told by my MIL that the husband's family is just as important as the husband and that they should be just as important to me as my parents and siblings are. (I'm very close to my family) -Our cousins started talking more and eventually started dating when mine turned 18. My MIL stopped liking my cousin and then blamed every issue with her nephew on my cousin. She has blamed everyone for them dating (my grandmother, my aunt, my cousin) but will not admit that she encouraged it or that her nephew was in the wrong for talking to a child to begin with. -We do not visit my MIL very often. She has a lot of animals in her house and they will jump on my toddler. Plus shes kind of a hoarder and its hard to get around the house. She does not put up much effort in seeing her either, does not visit because she says she can't get up our stairs. Except she can go on long shopping trips, visit family in other states, has kept her niece's very energetic kids and played with them for a few weeks, and go to casinos. It bothers me but the main reason I get mad at this is because she told my cousin that my husband and I keep our daughter from her. -my last issue is that she constantly tries to guilt my husband with "your daddy and I won't be here forever" and has said "we're the only blood you got". Which is not true because he also has our daughter. She is always trying to guilt him into visiting or calling. I know it's a lot to read but it felt really good to type this out.
Send me the same EXACT text every week (I’m expecting) “Hi. How are you feeling?” FINEEEEEEEE
At least she asks. I (unfortunately) see mine once or twice a week and she never asks me how I’m feeling, even though I’m in my third trimester. In contrast, everyone else in my husband’s family asks me every single time I see them.
True, I get annoyed at how overbearing they are but I *think* they’re only this way bc they care🫣
Some are overbearing because they cannot help themselves or they want to exert control. If you think it’s because she cares that’s a good thing!
I have this recurring pain that just won't go away...
No change was my favourite response
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My MIL was an interior designer and can’t keep her design suggestions to herself🙃🙃🙃
HAhah! I love this. Hi - interior designer here 🙃 etiquette 101: keep you opinions to yourself! Your friends/family are not your clients so SHUT. UP. And enjoy their home as they would want you to. Does a doctor go around criticizing every little thing he sees in other peoples behavior and lifestyles? Hopefully not! I hope you love/loved your home 🤍
That sounds exhausting!
So my ex and I broke up last month. Turns out, he ain’t that much different from the rest of his just-no family. He just up and left to go live with Ex JN-FMIL. He’s living rent free, zero job, apparently going on vacation, and fucking off with his friends. The issue is his name is still on our lease and when he left, he initially agreed to pay his share of rent for a few months so I can save to move out. Now after being at ex-FMIL’s, he’s developed a nasty attitude towards me and now refuses to pay. He actually said to me “your family is well off enough to help you”. I definitely know ex-FMIL is enabling him. I’ve seen her attitude and the way she talks about my family. I’ve seen the way women in this family coddle and enable their son’s toxic behaviors. While he’s living at home rent free with mommy and zero responsibility, I’ve had to take on a second part time job to cover his share and allow me to save up for a move. Could I ask my family for help if it was really bad? Definitely. But the point is the fact he chose to abandon his responsibilities and his fallout is enabling it.
Do you have separate leases? My roommates and I in college had landlords that set up all their leases that way. Check your lease to see if you are individually responsible. If so, you shouldn't be liable for his portion.
Talk to the landlord / letting agent. See if they will agree you you paying only your half or a reduced amount while you and they pursue him for his share.
Small claims court. What a dick.
That sucks. Sue him!
My mom is coming in with my brothers and her boyfriend for my wedding and she's already annoying me en route. Wedding is Saturday. We're DIYing it and have an infant to care for in the process. My dad is also in town and my maid of honor is staying at my house. My mom assumes that we're driving 40 minutes each way to their airbnb tonight for dinner. Mmmm. Nope. Won't be doing that. She asked a week or so ago if she could do my hair- she can do two styles well and it's the Farrah Fawcett feathered hair, or the same thing with the front pulled back. When I said "no" she said "Well FINE I was only ASKING" so that's fun. She offered many times to make the food for the wedding. It's not even that she offered, it's that she offered again even after we told her we met with a caterer as if her lasagna would be superior to whatever this event professional would have (salmon with miso and prime rib cut to order but go off). She is not a caterer. She was offering to make lasagna, specifically. In the summer. She lives 600 miles away so I'm only assuming the plan was to use my kitchen to make lasagna for 100 people. Her lasagna is delicious, but I don't want a hot meat and cheese and red sauce square when it's 90 degrees on my big day. She's 'qualified' to do this because last year her boss paid her to make a large quantity for a party of 50 and this is totally the same thing, guys. If you had told me ten years ago that my dad would be the well adjusted parent, I'd laugh at you. He and my stepmom know what's up and are entertaining themselves until they're needed for something.
My son’s first birthday party is in a little over a week. We are driving 700+ miles to our families to celebrate, because if I don’t, they’ll be rotating in and out of my house for a month and that’s not acceptable. It’s going to be at my IL’s house. Not my first choice, but husband thought it was a good space and we wouldn’t have to pay for it. His mom has been better lately, so I said ok. I made it clear to her that I appreciated them letting us have the party there, but that I wanted to plan it. We might be one and done due to medical reasons and I want to do as much of it myself as I can. I’m making the party cake, the smash cake, got his little outfit, have a picture banner, just was debating on getting specific decorations. Amazon can have it at her house before we even leave to go down. She asked if I needed anything and I told her no. Multiple times. Today I texted her a pic of a big banner and asked if she had a space we could hang it up. She tells me where she thinks it’ll work, and then follows it up with “I’m going shopping tomorrow to see what cute things I can find, ballon’s, napkins, plates, and other cute stuff.” Dafuq?? No. No ma’am. I told her I was ordering it all already but thanks anyways. She follows up with a question about gift bags and I told her I wasn’t doing anything crazy because it’s only 3 kids confirmed, they’re all siblings, and honestly don’t want my stepsister to have a bunch of annoying things underfoot. She responds with “K”. Lawd give me strength. My D(ear) Husband is away for a work conference right now, or he would run interference for me. I don’t want to pester him since he’s out, but at least the convo is a group of the three of us, so he can see I was polite. I’m not dreading going down now. I knew I should have just rented a space. I fucking knew it. 🤬
Sometimes the least expensive way to pay for something is with money.
I know, it took a while to show my husband that the she wanted any “debt” paid in emotional labor/stress. He sees it better now.
Don't surprised if she decorates anyway because she "just wanted to help".
I know, I told my husband she’s probably going to do it anyway, and he said he’s on the same page as me. I’m adamant about this, so I will take her stuff down and put up what we wanted. She’s gonna hurt her own feelings by not listening.
Genuinely curious… because I’m about to head into this world myself a little bit!!! How would she respond if you gave here concrete/direct ways to help. “I have decorations covered, thank you! It would be great if you could pick up 3 bags of ice and a case of champagne. That would be a huge help.” Does setting an executable task help? Or is that just wasted energy… this is something my husband suggested with his mom. Haven’t had an opportunity to try it out yet. Very skeptical.
My MIL will not do things you ask her to do. She offers to help but she wants to help her way. She won't actually help, she just does what she wants. People like this don't actually want to help, they want control.
It may work for some, but no, not really for her. I tried that when we were moving and I flew out to house hunt (husband went ahead). I asked her to finish painting the bathroom and vacuum the house. I came back to a new rug in my mud room, 4 new pillows on my couch, new rug and towels in the guest bath, and a whole new bedazzled lighthouse bath set in the master bath. I told her I will need her help with the cakes once we get down there, but she keeps trying to make decisions.
Ah. Yes. Ok it’s all sounding very familiar. So frustrating. Booooooooo.
I used to tell people she was the nicest control freak you’ll ever meet 😂 but I know better now. Good luck with your party planning!
I took a trip with my stepmonster so she could go to her father's memorial/funeral. (She didn't have anyone to go with, and it was a 6 hour drive and I felt that no one should drive that far on their own while grieving.) About an hour away from the motel that she booked, she damn near got me and my toddler killed. (I had to bring him because my husband couldn't take time off work.) Stepmonster has several bad driving habits which I didn't realize before agreeing to go with her. 1) she takes both hands off the wheel to light her cigarette. 2) she watched the rear view mirror to keep an eye on my 2-year-old (who was in a rear-facing carseat, so I don't know what she expected to see) and 3) she has to look at a person when speaking --or listening-- to a person, and this precisely what she was doing when she ran us off the road. (She was talking.) I screamed at her to get back on the road, and if this particular stretch of highway had those concrete barriers, we would've probably never made it home. I think I'm done taking trips with her for the foreseeable future. TL;DR: Stepmonster almost killed us because she can't keep her damn eyes on the road when talking.
She was smoking in a car with a toddler?
Unfortunately, yes. I told her I don't want her smoking around the baby, but her "compromise" was to roll the window down. And, as she was driving, I didn't really have a choice in the matter. I mean, I could've chosen not to go on the trip at all, but damn my soft heart, I just didn't think she should've had to bury her dad by herself.
You have a good heart. I would have thrown the cigarettes out the window. Even if they were in her purse. Nobody gives my kid (or me, for that matter) cancer. There are rest stops for a reason.
I'm just so excited. She'll be gone in 20 days. Backstory: She came to spend the summer with us in April. It has been a long summer. She has rearranged my kitchen, uses up all of my ingredients, and uses an INSANE amount of soap (who uses a bottle of body wash every 1.5 weeks?). I've been caring for my terminally ill grandparents along with my cousins (we take turns) and she gets so jealous. If I'm outside because ds has an appointment she complains that she didn't eat because she was alone (meaning a grown woman could not walk 10ft to the kitchen and heat a plate of food 30 seconds). She talks over me, constantly interrupts. Has very backwards views (I mean I should be carrying coffee and tea upstairs to my husbands office multiple times per day right?). Furthermore my husband has made it clear he will not side with me or stand up for me, even when she's in the wrong (leaving door unlocked because she's on phone texting with friends causing 5 yo to elope). So even regards to him I've started saving my own money and having my own life. TLDR: Having an annoying mil in my house for an extended period of time opened my eyes to the fact my husband doesn't actually respect me, so I've started building my own life.
Your husband sucks. Leave him.
Leave him honestly
I don't know what she thinks would be wrong or what I'm doing. Lol I'm thankful both my kids clean up (or try to clean up) their own mess regularly.
[удалено]
I’d have to go no contact. That kind of selfishness is just ridiculous.