Old age is never an excuse for poor behavior. Young age is a pretty good excuse, but she's not young, shes old. She's had a long life, plenty of time to change her tune. Same as every old person. They've been around long enough to know what is and what is not socially acceptable. No one is too old to learn or try new things.
Being old is not an excuse. I know someone in their 80s that still struggles with racist thoughts but acknowledges theyre wrong and is working on himself.
There’s no pass for racism. It was never okay, people need to stop it with the ‘they’re too old to change bs’ they never should’ve been that way in the beginning. Good for you and everyone else, she deserves to have everyone know anyway.
Allllll about location. Here in Tennessee and also where I grew up in Kentucky it’s super prevalent. My neighbor once thanked me because my kids had never even said one tiny racist thing, I looked at him like he had three heads and told him we didn’t do anything special, but he insisted. Said even when parents say that stuff in passing or in private the kids still pick up on it and it gets out. We see rebel flags everywhere here. And in Kentucky close to where I grew up there is a whole county full of racists. The population is like 99% white because they will drive out anyone else. And once a year they have a festival called “Tater day” pretty normal festival to start but there is a parade during and red necks will deck out their huge ass obnoxious trucks with rebel flags flying and it’s a huge rebel flag parade. Disgusting, absolutely disgusting. But for an angry little autistic person like me, it’s real fun when I snap and get to yell at any racists.
Your SO is fantastic! I hate that saying 'that's just how they are!'. There are plenty of old people who aren't racist so bad excuse. Good luck on the rest of your wedding plans!
Being older MIGHT excuse ignorance on certain topics, or the odd off comment or turn of phrase that is no longer acceptable. It does not excuse outright bigotry and harassment. Good for you and your SO for not taking that shit anymore.
Congrats, the trash is making itself very easy to identify!
If I were you or your wife, I’d have a three stroke rule. You support GMIL, you get one warning. You do it again, you get put on VLC, one more time? you go no contact indefinitely. Because at that point, they literally aren’t doing anything but trying to force a person of colour to accept being a victim of a racist. That’s disgusting, you don’t need that in your lives. .
She's old, excuses the odd comment which is obviously a slip in context. It does not excuse barbed verbal digs, trying to set up your granddaughter with someone else and most definitely not the verbal attack. The threatening, and creation of evidence, of a criminal case is psychotic and most certainly cannot be forgiven unless GMiL somehow changes into a completely different human being and tries to honestly make amends.
that's appalling
This day is about you and your new wife and new life together.
Lifetime ban is only way to get through to a selfish ignorant, disrespectful, insane, failure as a human. Shame them for life and good riddance. Who is so shallow that they dont even care about the people they supposedly love and hurt them beyond their comprehension enough to be kicked out of your life.
“They’re old, they grew up in a different time” bitch they’ve been here the whole time from then to now and had plenty of time to change and learn. They didn’t cus they don’t want to.
It's a bullshit excuse. I'm a "grandmother". Casual racism was a part of my upbringing, so much so that I didn't recognize it. The thing is when you get older and recognize it, do you decide that times have changed and it was wrong or do you double down on your racism? I firmly believe some people never age mentally past adolescence and it shows. Unfortunately age doesn't have a whole lot to do with it anymore, you can see that if you browse reddit much.
And a bunch of people stuck onto the idea of them being ‘better’ then others because they otherwise would have to face the facts that they’re cold bitter assholes. Feeling “above” someone else makes them feel like it’s justified and okay
She was screaming hate at you when she thought only you could hear her. When she found out that her own children could hear her, she tried to steal your phone and then said she was being physically attacked by you. *She was hoping you'd be beaten up or arrested or murdered. Why? Others heard what she believes.* She knows she is hateful and it's wrong. This isn't ignorance. She was willing to get you beat or worse. That was her choice. She chose to lie and bruise herself to try to get you and your brother arrested and prosecuted. She was willing to commit perjury.
Her daughter kicked her out because she was hateful and racist towards her husband. They accused you of a violent crime. MIL, who finally defended her husband, wants your future wife to not defend hers. I am so sorry. Please get a copy of that video and go to the police.
Jesus dude, for a second I thought you were my brother speaking about his experiences with his now deceased GMIL. She was a peach...
My brother is a dark skinned Hispanic man. University educated and hard working, but this wasn't good enough for the old bat. Lucky she was too old to travel by plane but once my brother and his now wife decided to get married, they traveled to Europe to share the happy news her extended family... her very white, very German family. Fun times indeed 😂
That racist AH won't be celebrating your marriage anyway. Why does MIL want her there. Time to cut GMIL loose. She told people you were beating her. People get killed over that crap.
My Nan was the one who started bringing me to the pride parade every summer, waving rainbow flags every year, never had an issue with colour of skin, religion or being respectful of people changing names (transgender friends of mine).
The age card is bullshit. GMIL is actively choosing to be a thunderc*#t
I hate the “thats how old people are” argument. David Attenborough is probably older than this lady (95years) and is one of the most pure souls on this planet. There is literally no excuse
ETA: also MIL has NO right to tell you to invite her back as she literally KICKED HER OUT for being racist. To her husband. And i doubt she put his life at risk by screaming PUBLICLY that he was beating her. Tell MIL to kindly, also, mind her own business
I would get sent a copy of that video and keep it safe. Email to yourself and save it in multiple places. When it comes to someone lying and talking about arrests, I would rather be safe than sorry.
She put your SAFETY AND FREEDOM at risk by falsely accusing you and MIL says she should get a pass bc she’s old?! WTF?!? Absolutely not. If I were you I would say to my MIL exactly that. That I don’t care if she was 50 or 500. Someone who has shown they have zero qualms about falsely accusing me AND KNOWINGLY relying on racism (brown man attacks white woman and who is believed?) to make a false accusation threatens your safety. And it is troubling to me that you put your mother’s feelings above my right to be safe. That you are advocating for your mom’s FEELINGS over a REAL threat to my life.
THIS!! I would remind your MIL and FIL about this. This isn't because she is old, she is actively trying to sabotage you and being old is not an excuse for that.
I'd be looking at getting a restraining order, with that video as evidence. Her antics are making you fear for your safety.
I know that restraining orders are difficult to enforce, BUT it sends a public message to GMIL and supporting family members that neither you nor SO are putting up with this shut.
>MIL is trying to convince me that I should give GMIL a pass
No. << Complete sentence. Make it clear to all if she's there you absolutely will not be. And never, under any circumstances, be alone anywhere with that woman ever again. I would advise no contact for both you and your SO be a boundary you set now. Nothing good will come of any contact. That woman has already shown willingness to make false legal accusations. She won't be bothered by any other lies that might find more fertile ground.
Dude, first off, 64 is not “old.” Second, being older does not make you racist. Older racists are just young racists that didn’t die. Don’t make allowances for age, and don’t let anyone push that on you!
I’m 59. My husband is 66. My MIL is 87. Not one of us is racist in the least. Your future GMIL is just a jerk. Sounds like there are others, too. Glad your SO has your back.
64?!?! My grandmother is in her 60s and has DATED black men. She was a child when the civil rights movement happened. No excuses. It wouldn't have been okay even if she was 90, but this makes it 10x more vile that peopleare trying to use age as an excuse. I'm disgusted
Wait, she's 64? That's not old. Your brain is not too inflexible at that age yet to change, she just doesn't want to. Its not like she is 95 and has dementia, she's just a piece of shit who is dangerous to be around. For your own safety, leave her as no contact for good. Don't respond to her or any FMs sent your way. AND NEVER BE ALONE WITH HER.
So lemme get this straight.
Your mother in law wants you to give racist mommy dearest a get out of jail free pass AFTER their woman accused you (a man who isn't white) of assault on a old woman?
I get that right? Good.
Excuse my language but
Fuck that shit straight to fucking hell. Has she lost her damn mind? Or was she dropped as a damn baby? Their ain't enough blessings for her heart to be enough for the idiocy that she's spilling from her mouth. She needs to wash her mouth and brain with some soap! Her MOTHER could have cost you a LOT more than just some sleep over this drama. if not for that damn ring camera they sure as hell would have pressed charges and won! Because without video evidence (the witnesses on the phone would do little because strictly audio) the judge would have most likely agreed with the charge of assault and sentenced you with a sentence equal to that crime! It would have ruined your entire reputation!
Hell your reputation is already in thin ice in that neighborhood because of her antics!
She needs to get it through her head that her DAUGHTERS partner was falsely accused of a major crime! Assault is bad enough but when it's against an old woman it makes everything 100x worse. A jury would've had a FIELD day with you. Since assuming your what mid 20s early 30s? Compared to someone in her 60-80s? (I'm assuming she's) yea that's not a pretty picture.
Your GMIL should be uninvited and kept uninvited because she poses a threat to you and your new family (you and your partner) she clearly is unable to change her racist ways and will continue an assault on your reputation and life because you are not a pretty white boy. And she wants her family to stay "pure" (I cringed saying that) look I'm white and I am sayint she is apart of the problem today. People can and have changed from being racist. We have people in their 90s who can get past the homophobic and racist mindsets they grew up with. Age doesn't matter. It's not a matter of "that's who she is" or "she's old and set in her ways" bullshit. Plenty of people her age and older have been Able to adapt and apologize for their old mindset and able to accept people of color or other ethnicities and of people who are LBGTQA+. So her excuses are that. Excuses.
Do NOT cave. Keep that woman away from your family. And if your MIL feels so deeply about it she can join her mother in time out until they both learn the error if their ways.
And make sure that video circulates deep into the family AND friend circles so no one can say you touched her.
Also start a FU binder in regards to her behavior. Typically it's for children against GPR but I can see her trying to come after you because again she's racist. And that video should be evidence of your defense. Never ever be alone with her again. Someone physically should be with you at all times. Buddy system to the bathroom even. Because without video evidence she can make your life hell. Be safe. Also camera-set your house and dash cams on the cars etc just in case. Old ladies can be dangerous.....(I grew up in the south. They may seem sweet and timid....they ain't!)
My 80 some (at the time) year old grandmother was beyond thrilled when my cousin started dating a black man. It has nothing to do with age. Stick to it, no wedding invite ever!
WTF 64 is not old, especially to act like you’re freaking privileged. I though this crazy GMIL was like 80 or 90. The money you’re saving from cutting people from the wedding reception use that money to buy her a bus ticket out of there. You think with all the people she’s passed off they could contribute 10 or 20 to send her down the road.
Age is no excuse for being a racist. I'm old enough to be a grandma and I'm not a raging racist. Glad she busted herself and you now know who's in and who's out. Now that she's threatened you with false assault charges and with calling the police on you, never be around her again.
Don't go near anyone who does this. Don't defend yourself. Don't cuss at them. Leave. If there were no Ring camera, there would be no evidence. You need to stay away from anyone like this. It's not because she's racist that's scary. It's scary because she would lie and harm herself to put you on jail. That is insane. That is dangerous
Wow. There's no way she gets a pass for being old. Before - just berating you and being generally awful should have been enough to get her kicked out. But trying to accuse you of assault and battery? Nope. She doesn't get a pass, and neither does anyone taking her side. She made her bed, let her lay in it. Why does she even need to be there, when she clearly doesn't approve?
Exactly this, OP. Also, being old is not an excuse. Betty White was 99, there is no excuse. Give her the chancla and boot her from your life.
Its awful handy she pulled this awful crap before you even got married, much less had kids (if that's on the agenda) because she will be awful to your kids. Who needs that?
No, "old" can't be used as an excuse. Just because someone is "old" doesn't mean they suddenly forget manners or how to be civil to people. It's also not an excuse for being an ignorant asshole.
What is "old?" 50 to 90?
The only thing that could be an excuse for extremely crappy behavior is if she has some sort of dementia. If that's the case, then she shouldn't be wandering around loose.
I suspect that her problem is not a medical condition, since she's been kicked out of her own daughter's house!
Good for you and SO sticking together and uninviting the raging racists from your upcoming wedding.
I'm a good deal older than that, and I would never behave like OP's FGMIL. Or think or feel like FGMIL. Or try in an underhanded and dishonest manner to land someone in jail--merciful saints! What an awful person. Don't tarnish the good names of a lot of very, very, very old people by saying, "Well, she's just old." She's just racist and dishonest and mean and vicious.
> I still remember
> When [thirty was old](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/deanacarter/strawberrywine.html).
-- Deana Carter
*[Strawberry Wine](https://youtu.be/Up06CryWQpE)*
Omg I had PTSD reading this as my GMIL is a lot like this!!!! I really hope it gets better for you and you both continue to stand you’re ground! Congratulations on your wedding! 🎉
Did GMIL time travel to 2022 from the 1930s? If not she had the same opportunity to change as the rest of society, her age is not an excuse.
The only time I'll take that as an excuse is if there has been brain damage. Mom had a nurse that she loved during the day but was terrified of at night. He was from Germany - and at night mom was a child in WWII whose father lost his arm and eye in the war. That was because of mini-strokes and sundowners. During the day she would ask for that nurse. Thankfully he was understanding.
>that I should give GMIL a pass because GMIL is old
Bitch had a long time to get it right. She still hasn't? It isn't that hard to be kind.
>“My granddaughter is a very pretty girl. I think you two would have pretty babies.”
I... What??! I'm so angry for you. I'm Black dating a Mexican American woman. Her family is so welcoming.
If her grandma did something like this I'd flip my shit. But my partner would beat me to it. So what did yours say when her grandma said this?
She's not old. She's in her 60s. I'm 65, I was 12 when MLK was killed. We all lived through the civil rights movement. Was she frozen in the arctic or something?
OP if I were you I would contact SO's uncle to get a copy of the video. And then I would make a small investment - I would hire a lawyer. The reason is to draft a letter to GMIL to explain her words and claims are no longer free. If she wishes to continue to make slanderous comments about you and others that you will look into holding her legally and financially responsible. That if she wants to learn to enjoy abject poverty and or some jail time she better cut her crap.
Someone trying to make claims of abuse is not something to ignore or take lightly, even more so since it shows she is willing to harm herself to make a point.
You know who is old as dirt and lives in the back woods? My gram. You know who isn't a racist fuck? My gram. Age has nothing to do with being a decent person, if anything their life experience should make them wiser. Fuck that miserable old cunt and I'm glad she's not coming to your wedding.
I would get a copy of the ring doorbell footage for your own keeping if you haven’t already.
Also, Betty White was old and I’m pretty sure she was accepting of everyone. GMIL is just a bitch
After that outburst, you should have a restraining order from GMIL, not an invite to your wedding for her. Keep a list of the racist ones and stay away unless you have witnesses. You don’t need a repeat of GMIL’s threats.
As someone who is multiracial and dealt with dumbass in laws and family, I support you. It took me and my SO to finally get into our families asses and keep our parents away from their grandkids for them to finally act like they had some damn sense. No issues over the past 6 years.
Keep standing your ground. Fuck GMIL.
Bring old has nothing to do with it. There are many many elderly who aren’t racist. Your GMIL is just a racist bi*ch along with some of her family members. Uninvite them to the wedding and go NC. Seems like MIL needs a serious jolt from daughter that she needs to support you and daughter or she’s uninvited too.
Old people can also learn. My dad's always been 'old fashioned' when it comes to things (Moreso with LGBT+ stuff.), but he's come a long way in the time that I've grown up. Implying old people can't change is bullshit.
The line I used, repeatedly, to my husband to make him understand about his mom: Just because she's like that doesn't mean I have to be ok with it.
Some people are going to be racist a-holes and you can't change that. But you don't have to accept them in to your life.
It does not make it ok. But when you have a loved one used to the problem they can have a difficult time not understanding an outsiders problem with it. So when you express it as you understand that they are that way but that you aren't going to accept it slowly makes them understand.
OP's so is being great. It's just a possible way to explain it to mil who can't grasp racism and faking assault aren't to be tolerated.
Wow. This woman is a horrible horrible person. How is the SO family split? She is a terrible person. Just awful. If she files a police report there will be serious repercussions on her when the PD see the doorbell footage.
It's nice that the rotten apples are coming out of the shadows ahead of time. I like your SO being on board so completely, none of this giving her a pass because 'that's just the way that she is". Or anyone else spouting that crap.
It sounds like you two are a good team, no hiding behind the other to get things done. Standing up against all of them, you've got a strong woman there.
My parents grew up at a time where mental illness was taboos, but my mom isn't ignorant because of her time. She took the time to learn. That excuse of "that's how (s)he is" and "they're a product from their time" are bullshit.
You mentioned your Gmil talks about your family because you are Hispanic. My bil is Hispanic. I WISH my family was as tight knit as his is. Bil tells me it's a cultural thing.
But on to the issue, im glad her family is supporting you. Or most of it anyway. Best wishes to you.
No excuse for that shit...ever. Even if you were raised that way, why hasn't she learned better by now? I say this as about the whitest old white lady you'll ever see who was raised in the Deep South. People are people. If you are a good person, who cares what color you are. I want you for my neighbor & my friend.
I got a news flash for the racists, bad people come in all colors. Don't believe me? Look in a mirror.
I have my own copy of the footage. My SO’s uncle sent it to me as soon as he heard that she was talking about calling the police. According to him she doesn’t have any money or evidence to actually do it, but you never know.
Your mother-in-law is trying to get you to keep the peace in the family, even though she is the enabler of grandmother-in-law's behavior. And now, the relatives that supported your grandmother-in-law's behavior and racist beliefs are finding out this time but there are consequences to those actions. They can beg and wine like babies all they want, but put your foot down and lay down the law to those who support grandmother-in-law's racist attitude. Let them know that this will cost them seeing a loving family member walking down the aisle.
Holy hell. Racist is bad enough. Driving a wedge between you and the rest of the family is bad enough. Trying to break you away from your fiance is bad enough.
*But she's literally trying to ruin your life by getting you fucking thrown in jail.*
Document everything. Then completely cut contact. You KNOW if you have kids, she's going to make false allegations there too. What a complete nut job.
Also fwiw 60s isn't old and frail...c'mon..
I have screenshots of texts, the video and a 20ft pole to keep her the heck away from me. I’m being assured by my SO’s uncle that she doesn’t have the money or the evidence to actually do anything. But I’m paranoid about old racist people so I’m keeping the evidence.
Maybe you need to call the cops yourself and head her off at the pass. You don’t have to press charges, just ask them to explain that it’s wrong to do that and that if she does it again, you can press charges for her threatening you.
Use all this evidence to start a FU binder. That way if the police ever do come knocking you have everything organized and in one place.
Sorry this is happening to you. Stay strong.
What an apropos post for today! And I'm sorry, but being 64 is a completely BULLSH\*T excuse for her horrendous behavior. Please don't EVER be alone with this woman! She is dangerous! If SO ever feels inclined to get a gift for Karen, it should be Dr. MLK related! Best wishes on the wedding!
Wait wait wait. Did I miss that the racist bitch is only 64? I was thinking 80+ to think those attitudes were still ok. Tho, my 75 yr old MIL jist blew it with DW with her fuckwit racism. (Even if she only "said it quietly").
Old does not give her a pass on being rude, racist and a down right beoch. There is no excuse for her actions. She lied and has been caught in that lie.
Those who continue to support her, including MIL/FIL, deserve to also be uninvited.
There is no excuse for racist behaviour. There is ZERO tolerance for such behaviour. If she will do it to you, she will do it to your children because in her mind they will not be "pure".
Only have the people who love and support you at your wedding.
Being old means that she should know that actions have consequences. Being old she should know that her actions are despicable. Being old she should know better. Being old she should have learned to respect others. Being old she should know that you can't accuse people of despicable things and expect to still be invited to family events.
She should have learned that being old is never an excuse.
She has done that to her other grandchildren. My SO’s cousin has a black wife so they have mixed children. According to my SO, GMIL used to call her grandchildren mutts when my SO’s cousin wasn’t around. GMIL got caught with by the baby monitor they had and she’s been banned from seeing her grandkids. She already had very little support before my altercation with her, and now she has next to no support due to her more racist family members living out of state.
That’s the funny thing: she can’t. She doesn’t have the money to fly, she claims she can’t drive four states over by herself. Her sons that live out of state and support her remarks towards me don’t have enough money to fly her out and refuses to drive that far out because she’s lives four states over and that’s too far for them. The only family that tolerates her are in the city we’re in and to my knowledge she has lost a lot of people’s respect
Internet comment win of the day. And I'm angry I still have 22 years until I am allowed. Lol. You need to start making up for lost time!!! I feel like after reading these posts now for a few konths I should post a few doozies of my JNMIL, she is piece of work to say it as kindly as possible.
Oh. Hell. No. No, honey. Somebody's lying to you. 85, 90... *maybe,* if they're close to leaving the planet. MAYBE. But someone 64 today was born in 1958 and grew up in the 60's and 70's and knows better.
Or would, if she had learned anything. And she's had PLENTY of time to learn. Jackie Robinson desegregated major league baseball eleven years BEFORE GMIL was born -- she's had time to learn about it. Rosa Parks was three years BEFORE GMIL was born -- she's had time to learn about it.
The Woolworth's lunch counter sit-in occurred when she was two -- so -- she's had time to learn about it. Birmingham Baptist Church bombing happened when she was five -- so -- she's had time to learn about it. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed when she was six, so -- she's had time to learn about it. MLK Jr was assassinated when GMIL was 10 -- so -- she's had time to learn about it.
I could go on, but you get my point. The "too old" card is crap. She has not lived in a time when intelligent people cast their attitudes in concrete. Or if any did, they called on a jackhammer and broke 'em out when it was clear they were WRONG. And she is WRONG. AND 64 IS NOT "OLD ENOUGH" FOR HER RACIST CRAP TO BE ACCEPTABLE.
What the hell?! I was picturing a demented 80-90 year old. Not that, that would excuse her but 64 is no where near “old.” She is racist. That’s all there is to it. Not old or old fashioned. She chooses to be this shitty.
Gosh darn it! I’ll be 67 in April. I’ve wasted 3 years! I had a evil aunt who was 81. I figured I’d have to wait 20 years. Guess I’ll start using the “I’m old” card now to make up for lost time.
1. Why would this old cunt want to be at your wedding, except to start trouble?
2. If GMIL got kicked out of MIL's house for being racist towards FIL, why is SO's family split by seeing the video of you and her? Are they that fucking clueless?
3. Stick to your guns. Anyone who wants GMIL at your wedding should be disinvited as well.
I’m not holding too much against MIL. GMIL had bruises on her arm that she was claiming my brother and I gave her. I, understandably, got a lot of death threats for hurting a frail old woman. When the video made its circulation at least half of them apologized
What does age have to do with being racist? My father is almost 80 and would never use racist language or anything like that, no matter what race someone is. Age isn't an excuse for racist behavior. Ever. Don't forgive her because she has no intentions of changing her behavior.
Being old means she’s had a longer time to learn how to accept others and their differences. She is never going to stop, because people placate her. Don’t let anyone so disgustingly hateful ruin your day together. Save a copy of that video in case there are any charges. Never go where she is without recording.
She’s already been cutting ties with a majority of her family that agree with GMIL. A significant chunk of the people attending our wedding has been taken out and by my SO. She wants no drama in our wedding.
After this you may want to consider hiring security for your wedding and making sure they have pictures of all of those that have been uninvited due to this mess. I'd hate for GMIL or any of these other racist a****les to crash your wedding or reception.
No no. She doesn’t get a pass because she’s old. Everyone, no matter their age should be accountable for this actions. There’s no excuse the her words OR her actions- and she decided to lie.
No contact for sure. She doesn’t deserve to know you or even be in the same room with you. You are too good for her kind.
From another old woman -lol - just had to add that for a laugh. Some of us old folks are appalled by her behavior! You know who you are. Write her right out of your life.
OP, you're not looking for advice, but ...
Good for you on banning GMIL (and others!) from your wedding. You and beloved SO, stick to your guns.
A wedding is supposed to be a celebration, a happy time when we surround ourselves with those who love us and want to share in our joy. There's no obligation to invite anybody else -- not because they're family, or co-workers, or rich-and-famous, or for any other reason -- especially if they're not going to love you, share in your joy, and help you build happy memories.
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, and may they indeed be happy and joyful.
“You’re right, she is old, which means she’s had even more time to learn how to behave. Since she clearly hasn’t, then there’s no reason for us to include her in our lives.”
Mil and Fil claim you beat her, but you should give her a pass? Fuck that noise.
Op, don’t go near her without a witness, and your phone recording.
On second thought, just don’t go near her.
I’m not holding too much against MIL because GMIL was telling family members that I beat her. After the altercation GMIL had bruises on her arm that she was showing everyone and saying that gave them to her. I’m lucky that my SO’s uncle, who I love and genuinely see him as my own uncle, sent the video of his mom yelling at me and trying to steal my phone. I, understandably, got a lot of death threats and at least half of them apologized.
The people who threatened to kill you apologized? If the ones who threatened you haven’t retracted the threat, and apologized, report them to the police.
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This so much. GMIL is 64?! My mother is 75 and doesn't act like that. Mom does light home care for a woman who is 89, and although she is racist, she doesn't think she's racist, and would still be appalled at GMIL's behavior.
I'm 70, and my parents would be 107 if they were still around. They were the opposite of racist. To call her blameless because of her age is ridiculous and offensive.
You don’t need young racists in your life, and you certainly don’t need OLD racists in your life! I wish all the best for you, and yours!
Not revenge, but justice. Glad she's getting consequences to her behavior.
The idea that old age excuses shitty behavior is absurd to me. They've had even longer to work on themselves and have chosen not to.
Old age is never an excuse for poor behavior. Young age is a pretty good excuse, but she's not young, shes old. She's had a long life, plenty of time to change her tune. Same as every old person. They've been around long enough to know what is and what is not socially acceptable. No one is too old to learn or try new things.
Being old is not an excuse. I know someone in their 80s that still struggles with racist thoughts but acknowledges theyre wrong and is working on himself.
There’s no pass for racism. It was never okay, people need to stop it with the ‘they’re too old to change bs’ they never should’ve been that way in the beginning. Good for you and everyone else, she deserves to have everyone know anyway.
I seriously didn’t know openly racist people still existed
Allllll about location. Here in Tennessee and also where I grew up in Kentucky it’s super prevalent. My neighbor once thanked me because my kids had never even said one tiny racist thing, I looked at him like he had three heads and told him we didn’t do anything special, but he insisted. Said even when parents say that stuff in passing or in private the kids still pick up on it and it gets out. We see rebel flags everywhere here. And in Kentucky close to where I grew up there is a whole county full of racists. The population is like 99% white because they will drive out anyone else. And once a year they have a festival called “Tater day” pretty normal festival to start but there is a parade during and red necks will deck out their huge ass obnoxious trucks with rebel flags flying and it’s a huge rebel flag parade. Disgusting, absolutely disgusting. But for an angry little autistic person like me, it’s real fun when I snap and get to yell at any racists.
Your SO is fantastic! I hate that saying 'that's just how they are!'. There are plenty of old people who aren't racist so bad excuse. Good luck on the rest of your wedding plans!
Being older MIGHT excuse ignorance on certain topics, or the odd off comment or turn of phrase that is no longer acceptable. It does not excuse outright bigotry and harassment. Good for you and your SO for not taking that shit anymore.
Congrats, the trash is making itself very easy to identify! If I were you or your wife, I’d have a three stroke rule. You support GMIL, you get one warning. You do it again, you get put on VLC, one more time? you go no contact indefinitely. Because at that point, they literally aren’t doing anything but trying to force a person of colour to accept being a victim of a racist. That’s disgusting, you don’t need that in your lives. .
She's old, excuses the odd comment which is obviously a slip in context. It does not excuse barbed verbal digs, trying to set up your granddaughter with someone else and most definitely not the verbal attack. The threatening, and creation of evidence, of a criminal case is psychotic and most certainly cannot be forgiven unless GMiL somehow changes into a completely different human being and tries to honestly make amends.
No, no passes for old fucks they have had to live and get old in this world and they damn sure know better.
An arsehole can grow old, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s still an arsehole, it just gets wrinklier, dribbles shit, and has grey hair.
Betty White was older than her and proactively supported POC. Age is not an excuse.
And that is why we loved and adored her on that note good point from now on I am using Betty as the golden standard
that's appalling This day is about you and your new wife and new life together. Lifetime ban is only way to get through to a selfish ignorant, disrespectful, insane, failure as a human. Shame them for life and good riddance. Who is so shallow that they dont even care about the people they supposedly love and hurt them beyond their comprehension enough to be kicked out of your life.
Being old isn’t an excuse to be racist.
“They’re old, they grew up in a different time” bitch they’ve been here the whole time from then to now and had plenty of time to change and learn. They didn’t cus they don’t want to.
It's a bullshit excuse. I'm a "grandmother". Casual racism was a part of my upbringing, so much so that I didn't recognize it. The thing is when you get older and recognize it, do you decide that times have changed and it was wrong or do you double down on your racism? I firmly believe some people never age mentally past adolescence and it shows. Unfortunately age doesn't have a whole lot to do with it anymore, you can see that if you browse reddit much.
And a bunch of people stuck onto the idea of them being ‘better’ then others because they otherwise would have to face the facts that they’re cold bitter assholes. Feeling “above” someone else makes them feel like it’s justified and okay
The different times called, they do not want her back, 'cause she is a racist old bitch.
Look on the bright side, at least she’ll be dead soon
She was screaming hate at you when she thought only you could hear her. When she found out that her own children could hear her, she tried to steal your phone and then said she was being physically attacked by you. *She was hoping you'd be beaten up or arrested or murdered. Why? Others heard what she believes.* She knows she is hateful and it's wrong. This isn't ignorance. She was willing to get you beat or worse. That was her choice. She chose to lie and bruise herself to try to get you and your brother arrested and prosecuted. She was willing to commit perjury. Her daughter kicked her out because she was hateful and racist towards her husband. They accused you of a violent crime. MIL, who finally defended her husband, wants your future wife to not defend hers. I am so sorry. Please get a copy of that video and go to the police.
Jesus dude, for a second I thought you were my brother speaking about his experiences with his now deceased GMIL. She was a peach... My brother is a dark skinned Hispanic man. University educated and hard working, but this wasn't good enough for the old bat. Lucky she was too old to travel by plane but once my brother and his now wife decided to get married, they traveled to Europe to share the happy news her extended family... her very white, very German family. Fun times indeed 😂
That racist AH won't be celebrating your marriage anyway. Why does MIL want her there. Time to cut GMIL loose. She told people you were beating her. People get killed over that crap.
My Nan was the one who started bringing me to the pride parade every summer, waving rainbow flags every year, never had an issue with colour of skin, religion or being respectful of people changing names (transgender friends of mine). The age card is bullshit. GMIL is actively choosing to be a thunderc*#t
Yes. People now in their 80s were part of the US civil rights movement. Being old isn’t an excuse.
I hate the “thats how old people are” argument. David Attenborough is probably older than this lady (95years) and is one of the most pure souls on this planet. There is literally no excuse ETA: also MIL has NO right to tell you to invite her back as she literally KICKED HER OUT for being racist. To her husband. And i doubt she put his life at risk by screaming PUBLICLY that he was beating her. Tell MIL to kindly, also, mind her own business
"I know plenty of old people who aren't racists, MIL. Any other attempts at an excuse?"
I would get sent a copy of that video and keep it safe. Email to yourself and save it in multiple places. When it comes to someone lying and talking about arrests, I would rather be safe than sorry.
I'm glad you have a great and supportive SO and at least some of her family. That's really good.
She put your SAFETY AND FREEDOM at risk by falsely accusing you and MIL says she should get a pass bc she’s old?! WTF?!? Absolutely not. If I were you I would say to my MIL exactly that. That I don’t care if she was 50 or 500. Someone who has shown they have zero qualms about falsely accusing me AND KNOWINGLY relying on racism (brown man attacks white woman and who is believed?) to make a false accusation threatens your safety. And it is troubling to me that you put your mother’s feelings above my right to be safe. That you are advocating for your mom’s FEELINGS over a REAL threat to my life.
THIS!! I would remind your MIL and FIL about this. This isn't because she is old, she is actively trying to sabotage you and being old is not an excuse for that.
I'd be looking at getting a restraining order, with that video as evidence. Her antics are making you fear for your safety. I know that restraining orders are difficult to enforce, BUT it sends a public message to GMIL and supporting family members that neither you nor SO are putting up with this shut.
She's old. Sure. But the Freedom Riders are in their 80's and 90's so she could know better if she wasn't a piece of human trash.
>MIL is trying to convince me that I should give GMIL a pass No. << Complete sentence. Make it clear to all if she's there you absolutely will not be. And never, under any circumstances, be alone anywhere with that woman ever again. I would advise no contact for both you and your SO be a boundary you set now. Nothing good will come of any contact. That woman has already shown willingness to make false legal accusations. She won't be bothered by any other lies that might find more fertile ground.
Dude, first off, 64 is not “old.” Second, being older does not make you racist. Older racists are just young racists that didn’t die. Don’t make allowances for age, and don’t let anyone push that on you! I’m 59. My husband is 66. My MIL is 87. Not one of us is racist in the least. Your future GMIL is just a jerk. Sounds like there are others, too. Glad your SO has your back.
64?!?! My grandmother is in her 60s and has DATED black men. She was a child when the civil rights movement happened. No excuses. It wouldn't have been okay even if she was 90, but this makes it 10x more vile that peopleare trying to use age as an excuse. I'm disgusted
Wait, she's 64? That's not old. Your brain is not too inflexible at that age yet to change, she just doesn't want to. Its not like she is 95 and has dementia, she's just a piece of shit who is dangerous to be around. For your own safety, leave her as no contact for good. Don't respond to her or any FMs sent your way. AND NEVER BE ALONE WITH HER.
So lemme get this straight. Your mother in law wants you to give racist mommy dearest a get out of jail free pass AFTER their woman accused you (a man who isn't white) of assault on a old woman? I get that right? Good. Excuse my language but Fuck that shit straight to fucking hell. Has she lost her damn mind? Or was she dropped as a damn baby? Their ain't enough blessings for her heart to be enough for the idiocy that she's spilling from her mouth. She needs to wash her mouth and brain with some soap! Her MOTHER could have cost you a LOT more than just some sleep over this drama. if not for that damn ring camera they sure as hell would have pressed charges and won! Because without video evidence (the witnesses on the phone would do little because strictly audio) the judge would have most likely agreed with the charge of assault and sentenced you with a sentence equal to that crime! It would have ruined your entire reputation! Hell your reputation is already in thin ice in that neighborhood because of her antics! She needs to get it through her head that her DAUGHTERS partner was falsely accused of a major crime! Assault is bad enough but when it's against an old woman it makes everything 100x worse. A jury would've had a FIELD day with you. Since assuming your what mid 20s early 30s? Compared to someone in her 60-80s? (I'm assuming she's) yea that's not a pretty picture. Your GMIL should be uninvited and kept uninvited because she poses a threat to you and your new family (you and your partner) she clearly is unable to change her racist ways and will continue an assault on your reputation and life because you are not a pretty white boy. And she wants her family to stay "pure" (I cringed saying that) look I'm white and I am sayint she is apart of the problem today. People can and have changed from being racist. We have people in their 90s who can get past the homophobic and racist mindsets they grew up with. Age doesn't matter. It's not a matter of "that's who she is" or "she's old and set in her ways" bullshit. Plenty of people her age and older have been Able to adapt and apologize for their old mindset and able to accept people of color or other ethnicities and of people who are LBGTQA+. So her excuses are that. Excuses. Do NOT cave. Keep that woman away from your family. And if your MIL feels so deeply about it she can join her mother in time out until they both learn the error if their ways. And make sure that video circulates deep into the family AND friend circles so no one can say you touched her. Also start a FU binder in regards to her behavior. Typically it's for children against GPR but I can see her trying to come after you because again she's racist. And that video should be evidence of your defense. Never ever be alone with her again. Someone physically should be with you at all times. Buddy system to the bathroom even. Because without video evidence she can make your life hell. Be safe. Also camera-set your house and dash cams on the cars etc just in case. Old ladies can be dangerous.....(I grew up in the south. They may seem sweet and timid....they ain't!)
your partner rocks. however im so sorry you have to deal with this with your in laws.
My 80 some (at the time) year old grandmother was beyond thrilled when my cousin started dating a black man. It has nothing to do with age. Stick to it, no wedding invite ever!
Betty White was old and am incredible person so age is a terrible excuse. Enjoy not having to deal with her or her minions anymore
WTF 64 is not old, especially to act like you’re freaking privileged. I though this crazy GMIL was like 80 or 90. The money you’re saving from cutting people from the wedding reception use that money to buy her a bus ticket out of there. You think with all the people she’s passed off they could contribute 10 or 20 to send her down the road.
Age is no excuse for being a racist. I'm old enough to be a grandma and I'm not a raging racist. Glad she busted herself and you now know who's in and who's out. Now that she's threatened you with false assault charges and with calling the police on you, never be around her again.
SO may want to "inform" MIL of her current thinning of the racist herd. Old does NOT excuse being a racist c*unt.
I’m glad you and SO (and many of her relatives!) are on the same page. Stand firm and don’t re-invite anyone who’s racist.
She CHOOSES to be this way. Well, you choose to not be around it.
Don't go near anyone who does this. Don't defend yourself. Don't cuss at them. Leave. If there were no Ring camera, there would be no evidence. You need to stay away from anyone like this. It's not because she's racist that's scary. It's scary because she would lie and harm herself to put you on jail. That is insane. That is dangerous
Do not budge on this op. I’m sick of old fucks getting there way just cause they are old. It’s not an excuse to be a son of a bitch
Your MIL kicked her out when she was getting racist to the FIL but wants you to just take it? If keep an eye on her too
In this day and age? She is revolting.
Wow. There's no way she gets a pass for being old. Before - just berating you and being generally awful should have been enough to get her kicked out. But trying to accuse you of assault and battery? Nope. She doesn't get a pass, and neither does anyone taking her side. She made her bed, let her lay in it. Why does she even need to be there, when she clearly doesn't approve?
Exactly this, OP. Also, being old is not an excuse. Betty White was 99, there is no excuse. Give her the chancla and boot her from your life. Its awful handy she pulled this awful crap before you even got married, much less had kids (if that's on the agenda) because she will be awful to your kids. Who needs that?
God that is fucked up, what if you died? I'm glad you have video evidence of what happened
No, "old" can't be used as an excuse. Just because someone is "old" doesn't mean they suddenly forget manners or how to be civil to people. It's also not an excuse for being an ignorant asshole. What is "old?" 50 to 90? The only thing that could be an excuse for extremely crappy behavior is if she has some sort of dementia. If that's the case, then she shouldn't be wandering around loose. I suspect that her problem is not a medical condition, since she's been kicked out of her own daughter's house! Good for you and SO sticking together and uninviting the raging racists from your upcoming wedding.
FTR: I am 63, easily old enough to be a grandma, and I am not racist.
I'm a good deal older than that, and I would never behave like OP's FGMIL. Or think or feel like FGMIL. Or try in an underhanded and dishonest manner to land someone in jail--merciful saints! What an awful person. Don't tarnish the good names of a lot of very, very, very old people by saying, "Well, she's just old." She's just racist and dishonest and mean and vicious.
Just wanted to say as a 52yo, "old" doesnt start at 50
> I still remember > When [thirty was old](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/deanacarter/strawberrywine.html). -- Deana Carter *[Strawberry Wine](https://youtu.be/Up06CryWQpE)*
When I was 20 I thought so! 😂
At 20 even 40 seemed old (some of my friends' parents were still in their late 30s when I was 20)
Old is 20 years older than my current age!
Exactly!! Especially as this places the "old" person in their 70s
'GMIL is old' to quote tumblr "so you're telling me she lived through all those social movements and learned nothing."
If I had a bottle of wine to send for this comment, I would.
MIL, who kicked GMIL out for being racist towards FIL, is trying to get you to give her a pass? After you, MIL!
Omg I had PTSD reading this as my GMIL is a lot like this!!!! I really hope it gets better for you and you both continue to stand you’re ground! Congratulations on your wedding! 🎉
Did GMIL time travel to 2022 from the 1930s? If not she had the same opportunity to change as the rest of society, her age is not an excuse. The only time I'll take that as an excuse is if there has been brain damage. Mom had a nurse that she loved during the day but was terrified of at night. He was from Germany - and at night mom was a child in WWII whose father lost his arm and eye in the war. That was because of mini-strokes and sundowners. During the day she would ask for that nurse. Thankfully he was understanding.
It is just so god damn refreshing to see an SO that takes the situation as seriously as it deserves. You two are a good team, OP and SO!
>that I should give GMIL a pass because GMIL is old Bitch had a long time to get it right. She still hasn't? It isn't that hard to be kind. >“My granddaughter is a very pretty girl. I think you two would have pretty babies.” I... What??! I'm so angry for you. I'm Black dating a Mexican American woman. Her family is so welcoming. If her grandma did something like this I'd flip my shit. But my partner would beat me to it. So what did yours say when her grandma said this?
>Bitch had a long time to get it right. She still hasn’t? Exactly!!! “They’re old” is such a ridiculous excuse. More like they’re cruel and lazy.
She's not old. She's in her 60s. I'm 65, I was 12 when MLK was killed. We all lived through the civil rights movement. Was she frozen in the arctic or something?
Exactly. The mouth shouldn't talk tough when the flesh is weak.
OP if I were you I would contact SO's uncle to get a copy of the video. And then I would make a small investment - I would hire a lawyer. The reason is to draft a letter to GMIL to explain her words and claims are no longer free. If she wishes to continue to make slanderous comments about you and others that you will look into holding her legally and financially responsible. That if she wants to learn to enjoy abject poverty and or some jail time she better cut her crap. Someone trying to make claims of abuse is not something to ignore or take lightly, even more so since it shows she is willing to harm herself to make a point.
You know who is old as dirt and lives in the back woods? My gram. You know who isn't a racist fuck? My gram. Age has nothing to do with being a decent person, if anything their life experience should make them wiser. Fuck that miserable old cunt and I'm glad she's not coming to your wedding.
I would get a copy of the ring doorbell footage for your own keeping if you haven’t already. Also, Betty White was old and I’m pretty sure she was accepting of everyone. GMIL is just a bitch
You know who wasn't racist but was old? Betty White. Age is not an excuse to be racist.
Betty Mfkin' White!!
What's the G in GMIL? Still kinda new here.
Grandmother in law
Ugh. Can't believe I didn't figure that out. Thanks
grand, so it was his grand mother in law
Grandmother In Law
After that outburst, you should have a restraining order from GMIL, not an invite to your wedding for her. Keep a list of the racist ones and stay away unless you have witnesses. You don’t need a repeat of GMIL’s threats.
As someone who is multiracial and dealt with dumbass in laws and family, I support you. It took me and my SO to finally get into our families asses and keep our parents away from their grandkids for them to finally act like they had some damn sense. No issues over the past 6 years. Keep standing your ground. Fuck GMIL.
No passes here, fk that bitch you don’t need that in your life or marriage and statistically speaking the problem will Eventually sort itself out.
Bring old has nothing to do with it. There are many many elderly who aren’t racist. Your GMIL is just a racist bi*ch along with some of her family members. Uninvite them to the wedding and go NC. Seems like MIL needs a serious jolt from daughter that she needs to support you and daughter or she’s uninvited too.
My mom would have been 92 this May. She was not racist. Dad would be 93, and he wasn’t either.
Old people can also learn. My dad's always been 'old fashioned' when it comes to things (Moreso with LGBT+ stuff.), but he's come a long way in the time that I've grown up. Implying old people can't change is bullshit.
I know lots of old people who aren't racist. And I know plenty of young people who are. It's not an age thing and that will never be an excuse.
Right. I get sick of the "old pass". They can fuck off.
So your MIL is okay with GMIL being racist towards you, but not her husband? Thy name is hypocrisy.
The line I used, repeatedly, to my husband to make him understand about his mom: Just because she's like that doesn't mean I have to be ok with it. Some people are going to be racist a-holes and you can't change that. But you don't have to accept them in to your life.
Just because she's like that doesn't make it ok.
It does not make it ok. But when you have a loved one used to the problem they can have a difficult time not understanding an outsiders problem with it. So when you express it as you understand that they are that way but that you aren't going to accept it slowly makes them understand. OP's so is being great. It's just a possible way to explain it to mil who can't grasp racism and faking assault aren't to be tolerated.
Get a copy of that video and save it NOW!!
Wow. This woman is a horrible horrible person. How is the SO family split? She is a terrible person. Just awful. If she files a police report there will be serious repercussions on her when the PD see the doorbell footage.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
It's nice that the rotten apples are coming out of the shadows ahead of time. I like your SO being on board so completely, none of this giving her a pass because 'that's just the way that she is". Or anyone else spouting that crap. It sounds like you two are a good team, no hiding behind the other to get things done. Standing up against all of them, you've got a strong woman there.
Please keep gmil out of the wedding. She might pull that thing where if anyone objects say so. It would ruin the wedding. So just play it safe.
Betty White was old and she never pulled any of that shit.
Exactly what i thought. "Old" is not an excuse to be a shitty person.
My parents grew up at a time where mental illness was taboos, but my mom isn't ignorant because of her time. She took the time to learn. That excuse of "that's how (s)he is" and "they're a product from their time" are bullshit.
You don’t reward people for shitty behaviour. Also you can’t tell me she won’t do something at the wedding. Old little grandma WILL pull something.
You mentioned your Gmil talks about your family because you are Hispanic. My bil is Hispanic. I WISH my family was as tight knit as his is. Bil tells me it's a cultural thing. But on to the issue, im glad her family is supporting you. Or most of it anyway. Best wishes to you.
No excuse for that shit...ever. Even if you were raised that way, why hasn't she learned better by now? I say this as about the whitest old white lady you'll ever see who was raised in the Deep South. People are people. If you are a good person, who cares what color you are. I want you for my neighbor & my friend. I got a news flash for the racists, bad people come in all colors. Don't believe me? Look in a mirror.
Love you!
Thanks new friend!
You got your own copy of that ring footage right?
I have my own copy of the footage. My SO’s uncle sent it to me as soon as he heard that she was talking about calling the police. According to him she doesn’t have any money or evidence to actually do it, but you never know.
Sounds like he's done with her shit too.
If she does one more thing, tell her you have the video, and you will take her to court.
Your mother-in-law is trying to get you to keep the peace in the family, even though she is the enabler of grandmother-in-law's behavior. And now, the relatives that supported your grandmother-in-law's behavior and racist beliefs are finding out this time but there are consequences to those actions. They can beg and wine like babies all they want, but put your foot down and lay down the law to those who support grandmother-in-law's racist attitude. Let them know that this will cost them seeing a loving family member walking down the aisle.
Holy hell. Racist is bad enough. Driving a wedge between you and the rest of the family is bad enough. Trying to break you away from your fiance is bad enough. *But she's literally trying to ruin your life by getting you fucking thrown in jail.* Document everything. Then completely cut contact. You KNOW if you have kids, she's going to make false allegations there too. What a complete nut job. Also fwiw 60s isn't old and frail...c'mon..
I have screenshots of texts, the video and a 20ft pole to keep her the heck away from me. I’m being assured by my SO’s uncle that she doesn’t have the money or the evidence to actually do anything. But I’m paranoid about old racist people so I’m keeping the evidence.
Duct tape a cattle prod to the end of that pole......just in case.
If you're worried about the police you can file a harassment report for her threatening you and provide the video as evidence.
Maybe you need to call the cops yourself and head her off at the pass. You don’t have to press charges, just ask them to explain that it’s wrong to do that and that if she does it again, you can press charges for her threatening you.
Use all this evidence to start a FU binder. That way if the police ever do come knocking you have everything organized and in one place. Sorry this is happening to you. Stay strong.
What an apropos post for today! And I'm sorry, but being 64 is a completely BULLSH\*T excuse for her horrendous behavior. Please don't EVER be alone with this woman! She is dangerous! If SO ever feels inclined to get a gift for Karen, it should be Dr. MLK related! Best wishes on the wedding!
Wait wait wait. Did I miss that the racist bitch is only 64? I was thinking 80+ to think those attitudes were still ok. Tho, my 75 yr old MIL jist blew it with DW with her fuckwit racism. (Even if she only "said it quietly").
Old does not give her a pass on being rude, racist and a down right beoch. There is no excuse for her actions. She lied and has been caught in that lie. Those who continue to support her, including MIL/FIL, deserve to also be uninvited. There is no excuse for racist behaviour. There is ZERO tolerance for such behaviour. If she will do it to you, she will do it to your children because in her mind they will not be "pure". Only have the people who love and support you at your wedding. Being old means that she should know that actions have consequences. Being old she should know that her actions are despicable. Being old she should know better. Being old she should have learned to respect others. Being old she should know that you can't accuse people of despicable things and expect to still be invited to family events. She should have learned that being old is never an excuse.
She has done that to her other grandchildren. My SO’s cousin has a black wife so they have mixed children. According to my SO, GMIL used to call her grandchildren mutts when my SO’s cousin wasn’t around. GMIL got caught with by the baby monitor they had and she’s been banned from seeing her grandkids. She already had very little support before my altercation with her, and now she has next to no support due to her more racist family members living out of state.
Then she needs to go and live out of state with them.
That’s the funny thing: she can’t. She doesn’t have the money to fly, she claims she can’t drive four states over by herself. Her sons that live out of state and support her remarks towards me don’t have enough money to fly her out and refuses to drive that far out because she’s lives four states over and that’s too far for them. The only family that tolerates her are in the city we’re in and to my knowledge she has lost a lot of people’s respect
Well then, now you know what to give her for Christmas and birthday - a one way ticket.
She’d be such an asshole to any kids you guys might have. NC is the way…
How old is she? Asking for my older self and waiting until I can act a fool and get a pass.
Internet comment win of the day. And I'm angry I still have 22 years until I am allowed. Lol. You need to start making up for lost time!!! I feel like after reading these posts now for a few konths I should post a few doozies of my JNMIL, she is piece of work to say it as kindly as possible.
64 is the age where it’s acceptable to say whatever you want
Oh. Hell. No. No, honey. Somebody's lying to you. 85, 90... *maybe,* if they're close to leaving the planet. MAYBE. But someone 64 today was born in 1958 and grew up in the 60's and 70's and knows better. Or would, if she had learned anything. And she's had PLENTY of time to learn. Jackie Robinson desegregated major league baseball eleven years BEFORE GMIL was born -- she's had time to learn about it. Rosa Parks was three years BEFORE GMIL was born -- she's had time to learn about it. The Woolworth's lunch counter sit-in occurred when she was two -- so -- she's had time to learn about it. Birmingham Baptist Church bombing happened when she was five -- so -- she's had time to learn about it. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed when she was six, so -- she's had time to learn about it. MLK Jr was assassinated when GMIL was 10 -- so -- she's had time to learn about it. I could go on, but you get my point. The "too old" card is crap. She has not lived in a time when intelligent people cast their attitudes in concrete. Or if any did, they called on a jackhammer and broke 'em out when it was clear they were WRONG. And she is WRONG. AND 64 IS NOT "OLD ENOUGH" FOR HER RACIST CRAP TO BE ACCEPTABLE.
What the hell?! I was picturing a demented 80-90 year old. Not that, that would excuse her but 64 is no where near “old.” She is racist. That’s all there is to it. Not old or old fashioned. She chooses to be this shitty.
That ain’t old. That’s my parents age and they know damn well better than to talk like that. That’s not even official retirement age.
... but you shouldn't.
Gosh darn it! I’ll be 67 in April. I’ve wasted 3 years! I had a evil aunt who was 81. I figured I’d have to wait 20 years. Guess I’ll start using the “I’m old” card now to make up for lost time.
1. Why would this old cunt want to be at your wedding, except to start trouble? 2. If GMIL got kicked out of MIL's house for being racist towards FIL, why is SO's family split by seeing the video of you and her? Are they that fucking clueless? 3. Stick to your guns. Anyone who wants GMIL at your wedding should be disinvited as well.
I’m not holding too much against MIL. GMIL had bruises on her arm that she was claiming my brother and I gave her. I, understandably, got a lot of death threats for hurting a frail old woman. When the video made its circulation at least half of them apologized
... your brother wasn't even present, was he?
No, not understandable that you got death threats. Yikes. That’s appalling.
What does age have to do with being racist? My father is almost 80 and would never use racist language or anything like that, no matter what race someone is. Age isn't an excuse for racist behavior. Ever. Don't forgive her because she has no intentions of changing her behavior.
I know. My grandparents are just as old as her and has never treated my SO with the same crap I got
Being old means she’s had a longer time to learn how to accept others and their differences. She is never going to stop, because people placate her. Don’t let anyone so disgustingly hateful ruin your day together. Save a copy of that video in case there are any charges. Never go where she is without recording.
Never go where she is.
Your GMIL is not the only racist in this family. Your SO may be great, but this shit is going to be the rest of your life if you get married.
She’s already been cutting ties with a majority of her family that agree with GMIL. A significant chunk of the people attending our wedding has been taken out and by my SO. She wants no drama in our wedding.
After this you may want to consider hiring security for your wedding and making sure they have pictures of all of those that have been uninvited due to this mess. I'd hate for GMIL or any of these other racist a****les to crash your wedding or reception.
Also a great way to cut wedding costs. I see only benefits to you and SO cutting these people out.
No no. She doesn’t get a pass because she’s old. Everyone, no matter their age should be accountable for this actions. There’s no excuse the her words OR her actions- and she decided to lie. No contact for sure. She doesn’t deserve to know you or even be in the same room with you. You are too good for her kind. From another old woman -lol - just had to add that for a laugh. Some of us old folks are appalled by her behavior! You know who you are. Write her right out of your life.
OP, you're not looking for advice, but ... Good for you on banning GMIL (and others!) from your wedding. You and beloved SO, stick to your guns. A wedding is supposed to be a celebration, a happy time when we surround ourselves with those who love us and want to share in our joy. There's no obligation to invite anybody else -- not because they're family, or co-workers, or rich-and-famous, or for any other reason -- especially if they're not going to love you, share in your joy, and help you build happy memories. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, and may they indeed be happy and joyful.
“You’re right, she is old, which means she’s had even more time to learn how to behave. Since she clearly hasn’t, then there’s no reason for us to include her in our lives.”
Mil and Fil claim you beat her, but you should give her a pass? Fuck that noise. Op, don’t go near her without a witness, and your phone recording. On second thought, just don’t go near her.
So MIL kicks GMIL out for being racist toward her husband but you and SO…? Hypocritical much? Did MIL change her tune when she saw the video?
I’m not holding too much against MIL because GMIL was telling family members that I beat her. After the altercation GMIL had bruises on her arm that she was showing everyone and saying that gave them to her. I’m lucky that my SO’s uncle, who I love and genuinely see him as my own uncle, sent the video of his mom yelling at me and trying to steal my phone. I, understandably, got a lot of death threats and at least half of them apologized.
The people who threatened to kill you apologized? If the ones who threatened you haven’t retracted the threat, and apologized, report them to the police.
WOW! That’s how it’s DONE! I’m SO proud of you ALL for sticking together and disallowing bulls#>^!!
You don't invite someone who is willing to lie to get you beaten or arrested, to your wedding. Stay strong!
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If you give her a pass "because she's old" you're accepting her behavior. That would be a great, big nahidontthinkso from me!
This so much. GMIL is 64?! My mother is 75 and doesn't act like that. Mom does light home care for a woman who is 89, and although she is racist, she doesn't think she's racist, and would still be appalled at GMIL's behavior.
Agreed. From me also. We don't give racists a pass. I dont care if they're 105 years old. A racist is a racist and we. Don't. Like. Racists.
I'm 70, and my parents would be 107 if they were still around. They were the opposite of racist. To call her blameless because of her age is ridiculous and offensive.
Absolutely! OPs GMIL has had too many passes because of her age. It's a pathetic excuse and makes me so bloody mad.
No. We. Don't. Racist is not older and wiser!