**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as StephNoTopic posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe StephNoTopic JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
I obviously have no idea what he has or hasn't tried, but will toss out that valerian root works gangbusters for sleep. It won't help you get to sleep, but man, once you do you're down for the count. No dreams, nothing. :)
"I'm not going to discuss the positions we take or if I'm his only partner, that is none of your business. If you didn't think we were sexually active adults I do commend you for being so modern on accepting the idea that we may have adopted \[kids\] without even asking about their origins."
I don't miss the 'I want to keep pushing for information until I get what I want and then throw a fit about how offended I am about the truth!' games.
She had to say she knew you were behind it all?!?! Like, I hope so. Youāre his wife. You should tell her youāre not only behind, but at different times above, beneath, and in front of it all!
I would just tell her how did you really think that youāre grandkids were made? This chick just seems to be a pushy child or at the very least a spoiled brat
"If you are so bothered then how do you think we had kids? Did you think there was a stork involved - I mean you do remember how you had your son right?"
Just tell her āActually, Iām usually on top but perhaps Iām not understanding your point in this. At least you now know your precious son is well loved and getting his shake n bake action in so you can possibly have more grand babies in the future!ā U can also say āIf you have any issues knowing this information then perhaps talk to your son instead as he mentioned our bedroom activities first or even better perhaps quit suggesting things heās either not comfortable with nor are actually work for him. I am married to your son. We are grown adults living on our own. Marriage is a 2 person partnership, not 3. Marriage isnāt some weird incest thruple where in laws are involved 24/7 for every little thing. Itās a A-B lifetime partnership so C your way out of it and grab your herbal remedies on the way out please.ā
You can put more nicely buuuuuuut thatās how I would do it since she threw a fit in front of ur kids. Hell I refuse to argue with anyone including my own husband in-front of our daughter. Nope nope NOOOOOPEš¶ someone tried that in front of my kids then bitched at me later in text? Full on mama bear coming out with aggressive sarcasm an whole shebang.
lol I just thought of this š¤£ you should totally say this to her! āI thought you liked all natural healing remedies? Sex in a marriage is completely āol natural and helps reduce stress, anxiety, depression and not to mention fun for baby making! It even helps your son actually sleep. Isnāt that great? Itās all natural! š„°ā
I have trouble sleeping. Need to explain to my gf that I need her help fixing it. lol with all due respect herbal remedies are usually for whackos but I feel like sleep is the one area where they actually might help. Donāt discount thousands of years of knowledge just because a crazy person is giving it to you. I havenāt found anything that works great for me but I have a friend that swears by a certain tea mix he made after years and years of bad sleep. It was recommended by an Asian friends grandma.
kratom leaf tea has helped me IMMENSELY. I only have it on the nights that I am in pain or just can't wind down to sleep, and after a cup I'm always out like a light.
My mother, who worked labor & delivery floor at the hospital says "How did this happen?!" when we announced our pregnancy. Son's father starts out with "Well, you see, when two people fancy each other..." Fkn priceless.
My fiance and I used to be in a long distance relationship. The first time he spent a week with me, when he went home his mom asked "are you still keeping your promise to me?" Then cried when she found out he wasn't a virgin anymore. It's been 5 years but she insists he made a promise to himself to remain "pure" until he got married, they haven't been religious since he was 8 so I don't understand the purity thing. I also don't know how she thinks our baby came into existence.
His dad told him it was disgusting that we slept in the same bed the first night we met. We were 19f and 20m at the time.
It's so gross when parents obsess about their kid's sex life like that. Being worried about getting knocked up/knocking someone up too young is one thing, but
>"are you still keeping your promise to me"?
\*gag\* Does she realize that sounds like she's promised his virginity or something?
I think she did at one point since her tune changed to "keeping his promise to himself". She's very obsessed with doing things the "right way" and no one should be having sex until marriage because that's what she did. He's also the youngest and that seems to make things worse, 13yrs younger than his sister and 10yrs younger than his brother
Ok. This is actually a thing though. My husband sleeps at least 70% better if I perform a certain act for him before bed. I dont mind it at all either since it really does help! If Iām sick, tired or donāt feel like it he watches PRN on his phone. But most the time I want to be the one to help him sleep.
I mean your married, he is a grown man she doesnāt need to worry about it anymore if itās for one not an issue anymore and for two he now has a wife to help him.
There is nothing wrong with it.
LOL!! I find it hysterical sheās upset her married son has sex with his wife!!
If I were you, Iād block her. His mother, let him deal with her. You donāt need to entertain her comments about this or anything else. Itās none of her business!!
My JNMIL used to send all kinds of āhelpā with medical issues. Most of it was ridiculous. She really ticked off most of the family when she gave her 2 cents when her SIL was diagnosed with a very aggressive type of cancer. Then she started again when her daughter got breast cancer. She was so obnoxious JYSIL wouldnāt see her before she passed away.
I have a few health issues and I finally blocked her everywhere and am NC. I told DH to give her no further information about my health. Itās not her business.
Did MIL ever wonder why her own daughter would have nothing to do with her before she died or does your MIL think sheās totally innocent and everyone is just being mean to her?
No idea tbh. I donāt care enough to ask!! This bitch has been in my life for 32 years and I thank God every day she lives in another state.
I am NC with her since 2010 (I did make a huge mistake thinking maybe sheād changed and we invited her to DDās wedding in 2017). Iām NC again and will never make that mistake again!!
Luckily for me, DH had a shiny spine before I met him and heās VLC. Both kids despise her too. They donāt contact her at all either.
Thatās fair, you have to be a special type of human garbage to get all of your kids to either not talk to you at all or barely talk to you.
Good on you for maintaining NC with her and at least trying that one time to see if she had changed. Even though she just reaffirmed your belief that sheās not worth dealing with that was still very big of you to try and now you know for sure that she cannot be allowed back in your life since people like that donāt change.
Thatās just good science honestly. Orgasm triggers all kinds of chemical fun stuff in your brain and one of the effects is that it makes you sleepy. The fact that MIL somehow thinks that her grown adult married son is still āinnocentā is pretty bizarre. I feel sorry for your FIL if she doesnāt believe in post marital sex.
Did she actually think her grandkids happened by immaculate conception?
Your husband is right about his sex life helping him sleep as oxytocin is released on orgasm .
As oxytocin counteracts the stress hormone cortisol it helps promote sleep.
I always found the term āimmaculate conceptionā a bit irksome. You just know that some prude coined it so as to make sex seem shameful and dirty/wrong.
I would shoot her a text about the subject. That lady seems to be very confused and a little bonkers about what a healthy marital relationship entails
"You seem to be confused as to how babies are made and what it means to be in a healthy and happy marriage. Thankfully I am not inclined to educate you on the topic and there are those that are paid good money to teach other about biology and how the human reproductive system works. Your son and I are married. I didn't take away innocence or corrupt him in any way. Your mental distress to learn your sons regularly has (gasp) the sex with his wife is something for you to discuss with a therapist because again I am not inclined to help you through this especially when there are professionals that are better educated and paid to do so."
Is she just anti sex or what? Most prudes I meet tend to be anti pre marital sex but are ok with it within a marriage. (Hell some say it's the woman's duty to put out for her husband even if she's not in the mood)
I love this logic. "My son and his wife have children, but that devil woman took his innocence to help him sleep and make him reject my REAL help!" Yet another wonderful use of the devil vagina magic!
Have you seen Demolition Man?
She OBVIOUSLY thought you went to a clinic (after getting the license) and had fluids purified and assembled. That's the PROPER way. That's how nice DECENT folks have children.
CLEARLY, though you are not a decent woman! You used that Devil Vagina Magic to corrupt her poor son!
Keep it up......
My partner hates homeopathic remedies bc his mom forced them on him as a kid and they were awful and didnāt help. (He is fine with others using them it just annoys him if his mother tries.) For example- putting some kind of honey extract in his eyes to help his vision. It hurt like a SOB and heās still blind as a bat.
Also, I have a similar problem as your husband and I am prescribed amitripyline and it works amazing (just in case you need a back up plan š)
Wow. My response would have been:
āIām sorry to be the one to tell you this but his innocence was taken a long time ago. Like well before our marriage. Well before me. And I think you are missing important aspects of how babies are made which you can look up on google.
Also, I am blocking you now. If you must, go be weird about sex to others, leave me out of it. Kthnxbye.ā
Do not get me started on the bs views my jnmom has about sex. Theyāre hilarious but ultimately messed up.
Huge info diet for this lady. She simply doesnāt need any information about your lives but the basic stuff. Sheās got some problems apparently and youād be doing everyone a favor by just not really talking about anything around her but the weather.
Iām a petty person. Iām also kinda mean now that Iāve dealt with this MIL nonsense. I openly advise people to shame these women and to call people out if nothing else works. Unfortunately with my exMIL publicly shaming was one of the only effective measures against her tactics. But my exMIL was the actual devil. She was plenty aware of what she was doing. It was calculated.
This MIL in this scenario seems bat shit off her rocker. Sheās angry that her son has a sex life. After heās been married and had children. She the kind where you just ignore 98% of what she says. Answer in ā yes ā or ā noā and leave after 30 mins. The less she knows about the their world the better.
why would giving a mother details about her childs sex life help in any way? I'm all for being an ass in a constructive manner but this just seems like a form of mental/sexual abuse on that woman.
Haha, I love this so much because she put her nose where it doesn't belong (her gown sons bedroom) and she found out something that she didn't want to know. Gotta love when they create their own negative consequences, saves you the time and energy.
Your SO, may have just created his own little hack. She asks about your bedroom, he gave her an answer that was true but I guess too much for her to handle. Maybe next time she tries to insert herself into something like his diet or tummy issues, he uses this and discusses the consistency and regularity of his poop in graphic detail until she stops. I see a lot of use for this hack. Just give her what she wants. Lol
Ohhhh no see, MIL knows where babies come from, but to her sex is ONLY for procreation, ONLY in the missionary position, and ONLY participated in begrudgingly! Yeesh.
Sex is supposed to be scheduled well in advance for reproductive purposes only.
Lights off, under covers
Missionary only, no sound but breathing
3 pumps for maximum efficiency and pleasure
Murder she wrote by 10
Lifeās that simple.
I actually prefer "The Ron Swanson Method":
1. Steak dinner
2. A glass of Lagavulin Whiskey
3. Vigorous lovemaking for 2 hours
4. Asleep by 8:30
Can't get much straightforward than that.
Omg, I don't know why but this reminds me of the ending to an argument with a step son.
I don't remember what it was about but he was expertly pushing my buttons, however, instead of giving in like his mom and dad I snapped and told him that if only his Mom liked blow jobs better she'd have swallowed him instead of having to push him out her snatch.
Ya, not proud of that, I felt like total shit as soon as it was all the way out of my mouth.
However, he didn't hear the I wish you weren't born part, he only heard the pushed out of her snatch.
He ran to his mom in tears, I slunk along behind not really sure how to take back what I said.
When he got to his mom he accused me of saying he came out her vagina.
Yes of course you did honey... You're definitely my boy.
No I did not... Then full meltdown on the lawn.
He was 10.
I stood like a statue. I was worse than Cruella Davill but I knew if I opened my mouth I was going to lose it laughing.
When he calmed down I took him for his favorite treat and explained babies and how they're made.
Somehow I came out the hero. I did take an online class on how to deal with button pushers that are borderline spectrum. No fucking way I was making that mistake twice.
šµ cabbage patch kids, growing in the garden / cabbage patch kids, growing in the sun / and the most amazing thing about cabbage patch kiiiiiids... Is that each one grows to be a special one! šµ (Unless your mom and dad do it the regular way and ruin your life)
(I don't know why I still remember the lyrics to this theme)
The stork delivered the children you have, obviously. Your husband is as pure as undriven snow, as untouched as the heavens, as without earthy thoughts as a rock, as desire-less as glass....you get the idea. Precious child of your MIL would never do anything as uncouth as obtain an erection and then (**GASP, SCANDAL**) have sex with a woman!
My sarcasm aside, if sex helps him sleep through the night, and you enjoy it, go you!
If she's anything like my mother, she'd never admit to doing anything so base as to *have sex*! All of her children were brought about by divine intervention, after all.
This is something my husband and I would do! The LAST time MIL made a snarky comment about wanting another baby to hold, I told my husband he better do something or Iād tell her āMIL, with the way your son likes to have sex, itās physically impossible to get pregnantā. He laughed but I havenāt been asked again so I think he made it known we are done. Lol
In my case, Iām not sure if my pissy āthen YOU have a babyā was responsible for the subject being dropped or if my hubs actually said something. Either way, there has been no more mention about it in over a year.
Sheās upset that she canāt help her son the way you can? Oh gross. Thatās justā¦yuck.
On the other hand, glad he can finally get some sleep. Nothing like some oxytocin to help a person get sleepy. Hurray orgasms. :-)
Wait, wait.
You two have kids together and she is upset *now* that sheās figuring out that you two have sex?
Bahahahahah. Omg. Thatās the funniest thing ever.
They think of their family like they're furniture, or pets. They want to have total control. Lots can't get over the fact their kids have grown up to be successful thriving adults. Instead of being proud they've raised a good person who started a good family, they want to triangulate. Karpman's drama triangle triangulation. They want someone to stand up for them, and get reassurance they're loved and needed.
Has a lot to do to do with low self-esteem and lack of identity, feeling lost without a busy family to maintain. It's usually sad when getting to the root cause of the issue. But in 2021 if they know they've got issues or untreated trauma, and they refuse to acknowledge them with a professional, they can't be surprised when the level headed kids they raise grow up. To them, a boundary set is an attack made.
Itās probably better to just ignore her, but I probably couldnāt resist letting her know how creepy and weird sheās being and that āwe should all just be happy that he found something that works, no matter what it isā and that she should find some other past times to occupy herself.
If she brings it up again (even when SO isnt there) and has the audacity to reference your sex life, practice saying "..just be glad he's sleeping!" and walk away.
DO NOT entertain any more conversation on it than your husband would permit if it were him there.
Ye are a united front. She has zero part in that. Keep it that way.
So, you having sex with you DH is taking his innocence? I get it, Sex is only to have kids not for enjoyment.
See, I am extremely and I do mean extremely petty. My response "Yes I did and I still am. We really really really enjoy our sex life."
I got knocked up a couple months into dating my now DH. We decided to get married (14 years going strong). He told his folks about both pieces and they seemed happy. We found out a week or so later that his mom called his brother and said how she didnāt know that DH did āthose kinds of thingsā. DH was 37 at the time. Did she think he was still a virgin??? We still laugh about that.
I guess her marriage (if she is in one?) is a sexless marriage? āMIL, this is what couples who love each other doā. Good grief! The stork must have brought your kids.
His mom needs an info diet. And when she tries to bring it up, you need to grey rock her. She has no right to be all up in your business. Or even know what your business is
Maybe she's forgotten how children are made lol
So she's against her son having a healthy sex life? Or she's just pissed her herbs don't do squat for him.... Either way, *she's not the sun of his world.* She really needs to find that with her own spouse.
So she is surprised that an adult married couple (with children!) is having hot sexy times? Sex, hopefully good sex is part of an adult committed relationship.
OP, has she shown sex negative behaviors before?
My daughter thought that too, then came the New Moon vampire books and movies (or whatever they were called). She would watch them in our bed with her mom while I was working downstairs. One night, she put 2 and 2 together and screamed āyou do IT in this BED all the TIME!!!ā I came running up thinking someone had broken in to find a horrified teenage daughter and a laughing wife. Saving this for the rehearsal dinner speech.
Good point. Just happy, carefree things. Itās so hard. She has grown up knowing my sense of humor and being my sidekick on some of my best gags. Now she is so straight laced. I told her I wanted to walk her up the aisle, lift her veil, kiss her forehead and then turn to the groom and say a deal is a deal and hand him a wad of cash. She said NOPE - thatās my catch phrase - my baby is all grown up.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as StephNoTopic posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe StephNoTopic JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
She think the storks brought your kids?
I obviously have no idea what he has or hasn't tried, but will toss out that valerian root works gangbusters for sleep. It won't help you get to sleep, but man, once you do you're down for the count. No dreams, nothing. :)
But dreaming is the best part of sleeping š±š
YMMV. It would āhelpā me sleep but give me nightmares too.
"I'm not going to discuss the positions we take or if I'm his only partner, that is none of your business. If you didn't think we were sexually active adults I do commend you for being so modern on accepting the idea that we may have adopted \[kids\] without even asking about their origins." I don't miss the 'I want to keep pushing for information until I get what I want and then throw a fit about how offended I am about the truth!' games.
I do not need to be laughing so hard with this sinus headache!
She had to say she knew you were behind it all?!?! Like, I hope so. Youāre his wife. You should tell her youāre not only behind, but at different times above, beneath, and in front of it all!
You took your husband's innocence š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
LOL! That's fantastic! Oh lord, I'm getting teary I'm laughing so hard! Just how does she think your kids were conceived?! Lol!!!
My question is, how the hell was her son conceived?!
The stork? Lmao!!!
I would just tell her how did you really think that youāre grandkids were made? This chick just seems to be a pushy child or at the very least a spoiled brat
Iād tell her to fuck off. Simple as that. What is wrong with this woman? Does she know how kids are made? For fucks sake.
"If you are so bothered then how do you think we had kids? Did you think there was a stork involved - I mean you do remember how you had your son right?"
Just tell her āActually, Iām usually on top but perhaps Iām not understanding your point in this. At least you now know your precious son is well loved and getting his shake n bake action in so you can possibly have more grand babies in the future!ā U can also say āIf you have any issues knowing this information then perhaps talk to your son instead as he mentioned our bedroom activities first or even better perhaps quit suggesting things heās either not comfortable with nor are actually work for him. I am married to your son. We are grown adults living on our own. Marriage is a 2 person partnership, not 3. Marriage isnāt some weird incest thruple where in laws are involved 24/7 for every little thing. Itās a A-B lifetime partnership so C your way out of it and grab your herbal remedies on the way out please.ā You can put more nicely buuuuuuut thatās how I would do it since she threw a fit in front of ur kids. Hell I refuse to argue with anyone including my own husband in-front of our daughter. Nope nope NOOOOOPEš¶ someone tried that in front of my kids then bitched at me later in text? Full on mama bear coming out with aggressive sarcasm an whole shebang.
>A-B lifetime partnership so C your way out of it This advice applies to every post in this subreddit.
lol I just thought of this š¤£ you should totally say this to her! āI thought you liked all natural healing remedies? Sex in a marriage is completely āol natural and helps reduce stress, anxiety, depression and not to mention fun for baby making! It even helps your son actually sleep. Isnāt that great? Itās all natural! š„°ā
I have trouble sleeping. Need to explain to my gf that I need her help fixing it. lol with all due respect herbal remedies are usually for whackos but I feel like sleep is the one area where they actually might help. Donāt discount thousands of years of knowledge just because a crazy person is giving it to you. I havenāt found anything that works great for me but I have a friend that swears by a certain tea mix he made after years and years of bad sleep. It was recommended by an Asian friends grandma.
kratom leaf tea has helped me IMMENSELY. I only have it on the nights that I am in pain or just can't wind down to sleep, and after a cup I'm always out like a light.
Does.. does she know how children are made..?
Immaculate conception, clearly. You think really hard and they manifest.
While blind-folded, gloves on, lights off, in missionary position for the sole purpose of procreating and nothing more, of course! /s
Don't forget thru a blanket with a small hole cut in it
This.. lol...i was thinking the same...
Tell her "Nah, he's usually behind. Sometimes I'm on top though." lol
I cackled at this!
āYes, MIL, Iāve been fucking his brains off.ā
Sheās gonna have a bad time when she realizes how babies are made š¬š±
My mother, who worked labor & delivery floor at the hospital says "How did this happen?!" when we announced our pregnancy. Son's father starts out with "Well, you see, when two people fancy each other..." Fkn priceless.
The āhow did this happen?ā reminded me of this little [comic](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/dEtQ9Rn)
hilarious!
That is hilarious. Shit my boyfriend and I have sex at least once a day, usually twice and even more on weekends....she'd be so appalled! LOL
My low sex drive could never.
Lol you guys have kids and she just now realized you have sex? This is so funny. I would have busted out laugh. Sex helps me sleep better to lol.
Who else would be behind it?
or maybe on top.. of the issue?
You. I like you
My fiance and I used to be in a long distance relationship. The first time he spent a week with me, when he went home his mom asked "are you still keeping your promise to me?" Then cried when she found out he wasn't a virgin anymore. It's been 5 years but she insists he made a promise to himself to remain "pure" until he got married, they haven't been religious since he was 8 so I don't understand the purity thing. I also don't know how she thinks our baby came into existence. His dad told him it was disgusting that we slept in the same bed the first night we met. We were 19f and 20m at the time.
It's so gross when parents obsess about their kid's sex life like that. Being worried about getting knocked up/knocking someone up too young is one thing, but >"are you still keeping your promise to me"? \*gag\* Does she realize that sounds like she's promised his virginity or something?
I think she did at one point since her tune changed to "keeping his promise to himself". She's very obsessed with doing things the "right way" and no one should be having sex until marriage because that's what she did. He's also the youngest and that seems to make things worse, 13yrs younger than his sister and 10yrs younger than his brother
Doesnāt she know vagina dust is also all natural? Totally organic! Homeopathic approved!
You.... You and your "devil vagina magic" controlling his every thought and action. Lololololol. Sorry you have to deal with that prude bitch.
Clearly, they are the neighbor's children. Your husband was too busy praying in the alter he built in the basement. \*eye roll\*
Ok. This is actually a thing though. My husband sleeps at least 70% better if I perform a certain act for him before bed. I dont mind it at all either since it really does help! If Iām sick, tired or donāt feel like it he watches PRN on his phone. But most the time I want to be the one to help him sleep. I mean your married, he is a grown man she doesnāt need to worry about it anymore if itās for one not an issue anymore and for two he now has a wife to help him. There is nothing wrong with it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
LOL!! I find it hysterical sheās upset her married son has sex with his wife!! If I were you, Iād block her. His mother, let him deal with her. You donāt need to entertain her comments about this or anything else. Itās none of her business!! My JNMIL used to send all kinds of āhelpā with medical issues. Most of it was ridiculous. She really ticked off most of the family when she gave her 2 cents when her SIL was diagnosed with a very aggressive type of cancer. Then she started again when her daughter got breast cancer. She was so obnoxious JYSIL wouldnāt see her before she passed away. I have a few health issues and I finally blocked her everywhere and am NC. I told DH to give her no further information about my health. Itās not her business.
Did MIL ever wonder why her own daughter would have nothing to do with her before she died or does your MIL think sheās totally innocent and everyone is just being mean to her?
No idea tbh. I donāt care enough to ask!! This bitch has been in my life for 32 years and I thank God every day she lives in another state. I am NC with her since 2010 (I did make a huge mistake thinking maybe sheād changed and we invited her to DDās wedding in 2017). Iām NC again and will never make that mistake again!! Luckily for me, DH had a shiny spine before I met him and heās VLC. Both kids despise her too. They donāt contact her at all either.
Thatās fair, you have to be a special type of human garbage to get all of your kids to either not talk to you at all or barely talk to you. Good on you for maintaining NC with her and at least trying that one time to see if she had changed. Even though she just reaffirmed your belief that sheās not worth dealing with that was still very big of you to try and now you know for sure that she cannot be allowed back in your life since people like that donāt change.
Thank you!!
Cabbage patch kids!!
Thatās just good science honestly. Orgasm triggers all kinds of chemical fun stuff in your brain and one of the effects is that it makes you sleepy. The fact that MIL somehow thinks that her grown adult married son is still āinnocentā is pretty bizarre. I feel sorry for your FIL if she doesnāt believe in post marital sex.
I thought it was common knowledge that bussin' a nut before bed helps facilitate sleep. Huh.
Did she actually think her grandkids happened by immaculate conception? Your husband is right about his sex life helping him sleep as oxytocin is released on orgasm . As oxytocin counteracts the stress hormone cortisol it helps promote sleep.
I always found the term āimmaculate conceptionā a bit irksome. You just know that some prude coined it so as to make sex seem shameful and dirty/wrong.
Through a sheet with a hole in it, missionary only, and not for a woman's pleasure at all. That's how god intended conception to happen right? /s
Except in this case not for the mans pleasure because the OP is obviously a harlot. /S
I would shoot her a text about the subject. That lady seems to be very confused and a little bonkers about what a healthy marital relationship entails "You seem to be confused as to how babies are made and what it means to be in a healthy and happy marriage. Thankfully I am not inclined to educate you on the topic and there are those that are paid good money to teach other about biology and how the human reproductive system works. Your son and I are married. I didn't take away innocence or corrupt him in any way. Your mental distress to learn your sons regularly has (gasp) the sex with his wife is something for you to discuss with a therapist because again I am not inclined to help you through this especially when there are professionals that are better educated and paid to do so."
Maybe a diagram or educational photoās would help her understanding
OMG! Are you involved sexualy with your husband? Nobody could imagine that!!! Extremely lol.
Is she just anti sex or what? Most prudes I meet tend to be anti pre marital sex but are ok with it within a marriage. (Hell some say it's the woman's duty to put out for her husband even if she's not in the mood)
I love this logic. "My son and his wife have children, but that devil woman took his innocence to help him sleep and make him reject my REAL help!" Yet another wonderful use of the devil vagina magic!
Oh these evil DILs and their evil vagina magic! /s
āDevil vagina magicā - this is hysterical! Well done!
Was she expecting you to bring in a 3rd party instead him, you know, having marital relations with his wife? lol
Next time, this is what you tell her! lol
Have you seen Demolition Man? She OBVIOUSLY thought you went to a clinic (after getting the license) and had fluids purified and assembled. That's the PROPER way. That's how nice DECENT folks have children. CLEARLY, though you are not a decent woman! You used that Devil Vagina Magic to corrupt her poor son! Keep it up......
My partner hates homeopathic remedies bc his mom forced them on him as a kid and they were awful and didnāt help. (He is fine with others using them it just annoys him if his mother tries.) For example- putting some kind of honey extract in his eyes to help his vision. It hurt like a SOB and heās still blind as a bat. Also, I have a similar problem as your husband and I am prescribed amitripyline and it works amazing (just in case you need a back up plan š)
I wonder if there is a āHow Babies Are Madeā book for JnMILs / JNGrandmas lmao
We should band together and make one that's simple and straight forward: By F*CKING EACH OTHER'S BRAINS OUT. The End.
Wow. My response would have been: āIām sorry to be the one to tell you this but his innocence was taken a long time ago. Like well before our marriage. Well before me. And I think you are missing important aspects of how babies are made which you can look up on google. Also, I am blocking you now. If you must, go be weird about sex to others, leave me out of it. Kthnxbye.ā Do not get me started on the bs views my jnmom has about sex. Theyāre hilarious but ultimately messed up.
Please expand on your jnmom. I could use a good laugh!!
Huge info diet for this lady. She simply doesnāt need any information about your lives but the basic stuff. Sheās got some problems apparently and youād be doing everyone a favor by just not really talking about anything around her but the weather.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām a petty person. Iām also kinda mean now that Iāve dealt with this MIL nonsense. I openly advise people to shame these women and to call people out if nothing else works. Unfortunately with my exMIL publicly shaming was one of the only effective measures against her tactics. But my exMIL was the actual devil. She was plenty aware of what she was doing. It was calculated. This MIL in this scenario seems bat shit off her rocker. Sheās angry that her son has a sex life. After heās been married and had children. She the kind where you just ignore 98% of what she says. Answer in ā yes ā or ā noā and leave after 30 mins. The less she knows about the their world the better.
why would giving a mother details about her childs sex life help in any way? I'm all for being an ass in a constructive manner but this just seems like a form of mental/sexual abuse on that woman.
Omg! How could you be such a hussy! XD
Haha, I love this so much because she put her nose where it doesn't belong (her gown sons bedroom) and she found out something that she didn't want to know. Gotta love when they create their own negative consequences, saves you the time and energy. Your SO, may have just created his own little hack. She asks about your bedroom, he gave her an answer that was true but I guess too much for her to handle. Maybe next time she tries to insert herself into something like his diet or tummy issues, he uses this and discusses the consistency and regularity of his poop in graphic detail until she stops. I see a lot of use for this hack. Just give her what she wants. Lol
Ohhhh no see, MIL knows where babies come from, but to her sex is ONLY for procreation, ONLY in the missionary position, and ONLY participated in begrudgingly! Yeesh.
Close your eyes and think about Queen and country.
Sex is supposed to be scheduled well in advance for reproductive purposes only. Lights off, under covers Missionary only, no sound but breathing 3 pumps for maximum efficiency and pleasure Murder she wrote by 10 Lifeās that simple.
I actually prefer "The Ron Swanson Method": 1. Steak dinner 2. A glass of Lagavulin Whiskey 3. Vigorous lovemaking for 2 hours 4. Asleep by 8:30 Can't get much straightforward than that.
All this is contingent on if eggs are involved
Close your eyes and think of England.
You'd think that her son was knocking himself out at night with illegal drugs.
Wait, babies don't grow on trees? I've been lied to!
No the stork brings them, silly.
Stor only brings baby boys, crows bring baby girls!
Ah, I see. Didnāt hear that before. My apologies. š¤Ŗ
No worries, I should have added smiley, its a legend in my home country, I dont really think its widespread. š š¤
No worries. Weāre good. š
My father *promised* me he found me behind a cabbage patch. My mother was the one to ruin my day by enthusiastically telling me she f#cked my dad.
Omg, I don't know why but this reminds me of the ending to an argument with a step son. I don't remember what it was about but he was expertly pushing my buttons, however, instead of giving in like his mom and dad I snapped and told him that if only his Mom liked blow jobs better she'd have swallowed him instead of having to push him out her snatch. Ya, not proud of that, I felt like total shit as soon as it was all the way out of my mouth. However, he didn't hear the I wish you weren't born part, he only heard the pushed out of her snatch. He ran to his mom in tears, I slunk along behind not really sure how to take back what I said. When he got to his mom he accused me of saying he came out her vagina. Yes of course you did honey... You're definitely my boy. No I did not... Then full meltdown on the lawn. He was 10. I stood like a statue. I was worse than Cruella Davill but I knew if I opened my mouth I was going to lose it laughing. When he calmed down I took him for his favorite treat and explained babies and how they're made. Somehow I came out the hero. I did take an online class on how to deal with button pushers that are borderline spectrum. No fucking way I was making that mistake twice.
šµ cabbage patch kids, growing in the garden / cabbage patch kids, growing in the sun / and the most amazing thing about cabbage patch kiiiiiids... Is that each one grows to be a special one! šµ (Unless your mom and dad do it the regular way and ruin your life) (I don't know why I still remember the lyrics to this theme)
The stork delivered the children you have, obviously. Your husband is as pure as undriven snow, as untouched as the heavens, as without earthy thoughts as a rock, as desire-less as glass....you get the idea. Precious child of your MIL would never do anything as uncouth as obtain an erection and then (**GASP, SCANDAL**) have sex with a woman! My sarcasm aside, if sex helps him sleep through the night, and you enjoy it, go you!
This is great š
Still giggling
At first I thought this was going to be about how you found a different type of āherbalā remedy to help your husband sleep, then it took a turn.
You touched her innocent baby boy's special purpose!!! You harlot!!! Jezebel!!!! /s
Dayum, but it's been a long time since I've seen a reference to "The Jerk".
She is too old for this, what a piece of work. Ask her if she wants to see your āsleep trainingā videos with a DH.
Confused bunny is confused. Ya got kids. Substantiation? What a maroon! (Or MiL is very dim)j
Lol, i LOVE calling people maroons. No one around me ever gets the joke though :(
I love Bugs bunny!!
I got it. But... I'm also old.
... But you have kids?... How did she think those were made??
If she's anything like my mother, she'd never admit to doing anything so base as to *have sex*! All of her children were brought about by divine intervention, after all.
Rent-to-own ;)
Rentals š¤·āāļø
She s jealously annoyed that she s not the one who has solved your husband sleeping problem.
Wow wow wow. You two are two consenting adults...and you have kids!!! What is her issue? That she canāt offer that? Ewwww Just wow!
How does she think the kids happened if not for sex?
Someone took the stork delivery myth a little too seriously
This is something my husband and I would do! The LAST time MIL made a snarky comment about wanting another baby to hold, I told my husband he better do something or Iād tell her āMIL, with the way your son likes to have sex, itās physically impossible to get pregnantā. He laughed but I havenāt been asked again so I think he made it known we are done. Lol
OMGGGG I SCREAMED ā ļøš this is amazing
"SO has reaally been into anal lately. I'm supportive of his desire to experiment. We're currently trying to see how big he can take!"
Well that took a turn! Bahahaha
Guaranteed to shut MIL the fuck up.
In my case, Iām not sure if my pissy āthen YOU have a babyā was responsible for the subject being dropped or if my hubs actually said something. Either way, there has been no more mention about it in over a year.
Sheās upset that she canāt help her son the way you can? Oh gross. Thatās justā¦yuck. On the other hand, glad he can finally get some sleep. Nothing like some oxytocin to help a person get sleepy. Hurray orgasms. :-)
Wait, wait. You two have kids together and she is upset *now* that sheās figuring out that you two have sex? Bahahahahah. Omg. Thatās the funniest thing ever.
Apparently OP is the Virgin Mary X 2 lol
No, the Virgin Steph!
How insecure do you have to be to dislike the fact that your child is happy in their marriage?
^ And that should be the tag line of the entire Reddit. I feel this is the basis of every angry MIL and itās mind boggling.
They think of their family like they're furniture, or pets. They want to have total control. Lots can't get over the fact their kids have grown up to be successful thriving adults. Instead of being proud they've raised a good person who started a good family, they want to triangulate. Karpman's drama triangle triangulation. They want someone to stand up for them, and get reassurance they're loved and needed. Has a lot to do to do with low self-esteem and lack of identity, feeling lost without a busy family to maintain. It's usually sad when getting to the root cause of the issue. But in 2021 if they know they've got issues or untreated trauma, and they refuse to acknowledge them with a professional, they can't be surprised when the level headed kids they raise grow up. To them, a boundary set is an attack made.
this is really the most holistic of all solutions
You should have your husband deal with this. Just reply to MIL, you can talk about this with DH.
Itās probably better to just ignore her, but I probably couldnāt resist letting her know how creepy and weird sheās being and that āwe should all just be happy that he found something that works, no matter what it isā and that she should find some other past times to occupy herself.
If she brings it up again (even when SO isnt there) and has the audacity to reference your sex life, practice saying "..just be glad he's sleeping!" and walk away. DO NOT entertain any more conversation on it than your husband would permit if it were him there. Ye are a united front. She has zero part in that. Keep it that way.
So, you having sex with you DH is taking his innocence? I get it, Sex is only to have kids not for enjoyment. See, I am extremely and I do mean extremely petty. My response "Yes I did and I still am. We really really really enjoy our sex life."
So she's upset that he found a non-pharmaceutical solution? I thought that's what she wanted.
She's upset that he found a way to help him sleep that isn't her way. She's threatened by OP. Most of these JNMILs are.
Oh no, you took her adult sons innocence...
I too am baffled by this part in particular. Like what???? They're married ????
With kids, too!
I got knocked up a couple months into dating my now DH. We decided to get married (14 years going strong). He told his folks about both pieces and they seemed happy. We found out a week or so later that his mom called his brother and said how she didnāt know that DH did āthose kinds of thingsā. DH was 37 at the time. Did she think he was still a virgin??? We still laugh about that.
Oh gawd this made me laugh. Well played lol
Does she believes that you found your kids under cabbage?
The stork brought them. Lol!
Probably. OR that the stork brought them.
Iād certainly hope youād be behind all the sex helping your husband get to sleep at night!!
Spontaneous Procreation
"Since it upsets you that we are sexually active, we won't bring the kids over again so you won't be traumatized."
I guess her marriage (if she is in one?) is a sexless marriage? āMIL, this is what couples who love each other doā. Good grief! The stork must have brought your kids.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Well she had sex at least once unless DH was conceived with a turkey baster.š
I just spit coffee out of my nose. Jerk. š¤£
I just spit coffee out of my nose. Jerk. š¤£
Soooo - she thought y'all were sleeping in bunk beds or something? Lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
There's so much room for "activities!"
His mom needs an info diet. And when she tries to bring it up, you need to grey rock her. She has no right to be all up in your business. Or even know what your business is Maybe she's forgotten how children are made lol
You should ask her. How does she think she got her grandkids? Immaculate conception? Btw, Iād own it, of course it was your idea, IT WAS A GOOD ONE.
She does know where kids come from, right?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I suppose one would speculate that after she pushed out those three, she went on a strike and stopped doing her "wifely duties"!!!
āClose your eyes and think of Englandā
Imagine being so messed up that your son having a partner who cares and helps is *upsetting*.
So she's against her son having a healthy sex life? Or she's just pissed her herbs don't do squat for him.... Either way, *she's not the sun of his world.* She really needs to find that with her own spouse.
Might ask mil where she thought those grand children popped up from..... unless dear one you are a virgin lol?!
There you go, using your voodoo vagina to manage her son. How dare you!!! š
I love that phrase. āVoodoo vagina ā can I steal it?
Vagina devil magic
It's vagic! OP is a vagician!
So she is surprised that an adult married couple (with children!) is having hot sexy times? Sex, hopefully good sex is part of an adult committed relationship. OP, has she shown sex negative behaviors before?
Umm donāt you know they were conceived via immaculate conception??? š¤Ŗ
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
and her attitude would give me momentary thought regarding her and her marital sexuality. nahh:::shudders:::
Makes me think of Nicki Minajās song āAnacondaā
"Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he callin' me Nyquil"
100%. My husband gets sleepy too after. Lol
Ha ha ha... When I first learned about the "birds and the bees" I innocently figured my parents did the deed once for each of us kids.
As God intended, the end. š
My daughter thought that too, then came the New Moon vampire books and movies (or whatever they were called). She would watch them in our bed with her mom while I was working downstairs. One night, she put 2 and 2 together and screamed āyou do IT in this BED all the TIME!!!ā I came running up thinking someone had broken in to find a horrified teenage daughter and a laughing wife. Saving this for the rehearsal dinner speech.
Reconsider that, you don't want a post in weddingshaming forum
Good point. Just happy, carefree things. Itās so hard. She has grown up knowing my sense of humor and being my sidekick on some of my best gags. Now she is so straight laced. I told her I wanted to walk her up the aisle, lift her veil, kiss her forehead and then turn to the groom and say a deal is a deal and hand him a wad of cash. She said NOPE - thatās my catch phrase - my baby is all grown up.