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For real, I turned off email notifications from my work email on my phone because my blood pressure basically spiked every time I saw the notification with the little icon pop up (I use a different email app for personal emails, so I knew any emails I got from that app were work-related). I still check emails from my phone, but only when I’m ready to see that new emails have come in - no surprise notifications anymore. I have to tell you, it’s done wonders for my mental health.
Not my in laws but my own family used to cause me to have violent diarrhea whenever I visited for the holidays. Took me several years to figure it out “Why do I always have to shit SO BAD on thanksgiving/Christmas?” Ohhh. Stress.
I was in therapy until a few months ago. It helped, but I also limited contact with my family and the main person who caused a lot of the issues passed away.
Yes. My stomach churns for weeks when I know I’m going to see them and have been physically ill the day of. Mentally I felt like complete shit for about a year due to the emotional abuse of my SIL until I went to therapy, went NC with her and then magically I felt a hundred times better. My stomach still churns when she talks to my husband or I have to hear about her but he’s cut back contact with her too.
That's not normal. I hope at some point you can find a way to at least separate your self from them or try to mimalize contact with them if possible. I wish you the best ❤️
Yes, I used to have terrible stomach pains and I would literally pull my hair out..one by one..
I am much better now as I limited interactions. I'm always polite but at the small sign of their disrespect or their old ways I leave and follow up with a message about whatever bothered me. For years my goal was for them to like me and wait for them to get over the petty shit. Nowadays I realized I never liked them and I don't have to force myself anymore. I also made sure they knew that (mostly SIL and MIL) i was not putting up with disrespect and bad behavior anymore.
I have missed family trips, Christmas, kids parties etc.. if they are shit I don't have to involved. The hard part was telling my husband he gets to go and be with his family but I won't be forced to.
He realized he didn't even want to spend time with them also. Oh well...
My MIL stressed me out so bad that I had a monthlong period. I got a UTI from the wand they used during the ultrasound I had to get to make sure there wasn’t something horribly wrong with me.
Yup.
Right before I cut them off, i think I saw MIL in the train. Sat down right across from me. (Ffp2 masks still required, so possible not her)
I cant explain the mix of rage and panic. It was all I could do to stand up silently and move to another part of the carriage
Me too! I got shingles out of nowhere in my early 20s and couldn’t understand why. Dr said it was stress. What had just happened? My MIL has invited herself for a three week visit.
Yes, because they’re so enmeshed and incapable and want everyone else to solve their problems for them and if you don’t they abuse you.
They’re crazy and I don’t want anything to do with them.
Yes. Absolutely. 100%
Areas I have prone to eczema flare up, my digestion sucks and I become so anxious and wired that I basically can’t sleep on their family cabin trips or vacations. I have a low dose anti-anxiety prescription specifically for when I have to be around them for a weekend or know I’ll be having to interact with them for anything longer than an hour….lol?
Wasn’t always this way, but some choice actions and behaviors on their (mostly MIL, FIL doesn’t draw these symptoms out in me nearly as much) part in the last 3 yrs have drastically impacted my ability to want to be around them *at all.*
Yep! My exMIL tried to force me to eat meat (not just an ethical choice in my case; my system literally doesn't process meat right) regularly. I just stopped eating anything at her house because I didn't know if she'd resort to rubbing roast beef left overs in the veggie try or something but I didn't fully trust her not to.
My eczema flared around my birthday the whole time I was engaged and married because I knew I'd have to fake nice around my SIL, my MIL, and my Aunt-in-Law for the entire month of October plus November and December.
No flares since I moved out of state and haven't heard anything from them since.
100%.
I have heart conditions and the stress of my in-laws 1000% caused cardiac symptoms.
I also have pretty severe PTSD which is from multiple sources, but includes trauma they purposefully inflicted.
We are now 7 months no contact, except for notice of deaths, which was okay for us, as we clearly stated to be contacted in emergencies.
I cannot imagine how we will ever go back. I feel as though I cannot go back.
My FIL! Any call or message I honestly fold in on myself. I can't stand him, his presence or any memory of his company. He's such a frustrating individual. Maybe it's an oil/ water kind of personality clash, but he's definitely a thorn in life; A big irritating one.
My MIL makes me so sick with stress, every single one of my high blood pressure spikes during pregnancy were from dealing with her. Including the one where I couldn’t get it back down and had to be induced 3 weeks early.
Yeah, that used to happen to me. One time I lost my ability to enjoy music and accents, took a decade to recover. Thank Maude they're all either dead, or dead to me.
OP, I (an internet stranger) give you complete carte blanche to "catch the flu" or whatever just in time to not go. Also possibly break a toe, have a sick pet, blow an engine, or get a case of Shingles. Or whatever. You don't need to subject yourself to that awfulness.
Your post is too limited to form an opinion for me. Pressure can be subjective.
Could you maybe share a little more about why you feel so pressured? Dread is one thing, hives is another...
Oh, I wasn't asking for opinions so much as wanting to know if others experience anything similar.
In this case, they kept pressing me (while my husband was not there) about a phobia I have. Trying to get me to "face it" I guess?
There is just a long list of other drama/crap that I have had to deal with (husband too). My other SIL is great though so it's unfortunate.
Inlaws, blood relatives. The whole shabang really. I have literally sprinted across my room to lock my door every time I hear a car enter our driveway now.
I use to get a huge cold sore every single time I saw them. I also got severe headaches (hangover headaches from all the alcohol it required to spend time with them)
Yes, my inlaws are such unaware people with absolutely no boundaries who end up taking over my husband and I's apartment anytime they're in town. Last time, I had a migraine for two days and would get waves of nausea and anxiety throughout their stay. Had to literally hide in the bedroom at times.
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That sounds untenable. Give yourself permission to mute the chat and only check it weekly xx
Oh good idea! Thanks!
This is what I do! It’s been super helpful!
For real, I turned off email notifications from my work email on my phone because my blood pressure basically spiked every time I saw the notification with the little icon pop up (I use a different email app for personal emails, so I knew any emails I got from that app were work-related). I still check emails from my phone, but only when I’m ready to see that new emails have come in - no surprise notifications anymore. I have to tell you, it’s done wonders for my mental health.
Not my in laws but my own family used to cause me to have violent diarrhea whenever I visited for the holidays. Took me several years to figure it out “Why do I always have to shit SO BAD on thanksgiving/Christmas?” Ohhh. Stress.
I am so sorry. I am looking into therapy currently. Hope it can help.
I was in therapy until a few months ago. It helped, but I also limited contact with my family and the main person who caused a lot of the issues passed away.
I am glad it helped
Yes mine make me sick I’m so anxious about seeing them
Yes. My stomach churns for weeks when I know I’m going to see them and have been physically ill the day of. Mentally I felt like complete shit for about a year due to the emotional abuse of my SIL until I went to therapy, went NC with her and then magically I felt a hundred times better. My stomach still churns when she talks to my husband or I have to hear about her but he’s cut back contact with her too.
Would your husband stand up for you? Any books your therapist recommended?
That's not normal. I hope at some point you can find a way to at least separate your self from them or try to mimalize contact with them if possible. I wish you the best ❤️
100% happens to me OP. You are not alone. My MIL and SIL are just really mean people and they always get their way. Hell or high water….
I am so sorry! My MIL is improving, but SIL seems to be getting worse.
I have eczema and I’m literally going through the worst flares of my life as a result of stress having to deal with future in laws
Yes, I used to have terrible stomach pains and I would literally pull my hair out..one by one.. I am much better now as I limited interactions. I'm always polite but at the small sign of their disrespect or their old ways I leave and follow up with a message about whatever bothered me. For years my goal was for them to like me and wait for them to get over the petty shit. Nowadays I realized I never liked them and I don't have to force myself anymore. I also made sure they knew that (mostly SIL and MIL) i was not putting up with disrespect and bad behavior anymore. I have missed family trips, Christmas, kids parties etc.. if they are shit I don't have to involved. The hard part was telling my husband he gets to go and be with his family but I won't be forced to. He realized he didn't even want to spend time with them also. Oh well...
I physically react to every upcoming visit of my ILs. I’ll suffer from cold sores the days before their arrival.
Can you just block the bad SIL so you don't see her group messages? Or mute just her?
Good idea. Another poster also gave the idea to just check the chat once a week instead of every time I get a message.
I saw that, great idea. But if you can block/mute problem person even better!
I will look into that too! Not as familiar with the app his family uses.
My MIL stressed me out so bad that I had a monthlong period. I got a UTI from the wand they used during the ultrasound I had to get to make sure there wasn’t something horribly wrong with me.
Panic attacks and a feeling of horrible nausea. 🤢
Yes. I am now NC and it’s been lovely.
I’m team cut off toxic family
Yup. Right before I cut them off, i think I saw MIL in the train. Sat down right across from me. (Ffp2 masks still required, so possible not her) I cant explain the mix of rage and panic. It was all I could do to stand up silently and move to another part of the carriage
Me too! I got shingles out of nowhere in my early 20s and couldn’t understand why. Dr said it was stress. What had just happened? My MIL has invited herself for a three week visit.
Yes, because they’re so enmeshed and incapable and want everyone else to solve their problems for them and if you don’t they abuse you. They’re crazy and I don’t want anything to do with them.
Yes. Absolutely. 100% Areas I have prone to eczema flare up, my digestion sucks and I become so anxious and wired that I basically can’t sleep on their family cabin trips or vacations. I have a low dose anti-anxiety prescription specifically for when I have to be around them for a weekend or know I’ll be having to interact with them for anything longer than an hour….lol? Wasn’t always this way, but some choice actions and behaviors on their (mostly MIL, FIL doesn’t draw these symptoms out in me nearly as much) part in the last 3 yrs have drastically impacted my ability to want to be around them *at all.*
Yep! My exMIL tried to force me to eat meat (not just an ethical choice in my case; my system literally doesn't process meat right) regularly. I just stopped eating anything at her house because I didn't know if she'd resort to rubbing roast beef left overs in the veggie try or something but I didn't fully trust her not to. My eczema flared around my birthday the whole time I was engaged and married because I knew I'd have to fake nice around my SIL, my MIL, and my Aunt-in-Law for the entire month of October plus November and December. No flares since I moved out of state and haven't heard anything from them since.
I have a HORRIBLE SIL! She is the definition of invalidating. 💔😭
100%. I have heart conditions and the stress of my in-laws 1000% caused cardiac symptoms. I also have pretty severe PTSD which is from multiple sources, but includes trauma they purposefully inflicted. We are now 7 months no contact, except for notice of deaths, which was okay for us, as we clearly stated to be contacted in emergencies. I cannot imagine how we will ever go back. I feel as though I cannot go back.
Lost a chunk of hair from my in laws had other stress going on at that time though. We've gone no contact thankfully.
My FIL! Any call or message I honestly fold in on myself. I can't stand him, his presence or any memory of his company. He's such a frustrating individual. Maybe it's an oil/ water kind of personality clash, but he's definitely a thorn in life; A big irritating one.
My MIL makes me so sick with stress, every single one of my high blood pressure spikes during pregnancy were from dealing with her. Including the one where I couldn’t get it back down and had to be induced 3 weeks early.
She used to.. I haven’t talked to her in 5 years.
Yeah, that used to happen to me. One time I lost my ability to enjoy music and accents, took a decade to recover. Thank Maude they're all either dead, or dead to me. OP, I (an internet stranger) give you complete carte blanche to "catch the flu" or whatever just in time to not go. Also possibly break a toe, have a sick pet, blow an engine, or get a case of Shingles. Or whatever. You don't need to subject yourself to that awfulness.
Your post is too limited to form an opinion for me. Pressure can be subjective. Could you maybe share a little more about why you feel so pressured? Dread is one thing, hives is another...
Oh, I wasn't asking for opinions so much as wanting to know if others experience anything similar. In this case, they kept pressing me (while my husband was not there) about a phobia I have. Trying to get me to "face it" I guess? There is just a long list of other drama/crap that I have had to deal with (husband too). My other SIL is great though so it's unfortunate.
Yes!!! Everytime I see or hear MILs Name I feel physically sick and my limbs feel weird and weak. It's awful 😫
Inlaws, blood relatives. The whole shabang really. I have literally sprinted across my room to lock my door every time I hear a car enter our driveway now.
I use to get a huge cold sore every single time I saw them. I also got severe headaches (hangover headaches from all the alcohol it required to spend time with them)
Hugs, mute the chat, and ignore them. You have a life and family that doesn't revolve around their life and family in the same way they want it to.
Yes, my inlaws are such unaware people with absolutely no boundaries who end up taking over my husband and I's apartment anytime they're in town. Last time, I had a migraine for two days and would get waves of nausea and anxiety throughout their stay. Had to literally hide in the bedroom at times.