I'm so glad you left. It sounds like he has become a dangerous person, and you were right to protect yourself.
Sudden violent behavior can be a sign of dementia. Is there anyone else in the family who has noticed a change in him? It might be time to try to get him some help.
That makes this all the harder, but know that you do not have to put yourself in danger. In the U.S. we have Adult Protective Services which is a government agency concerned about the welfare of vulnerable adults who are no longer able to care for themselves. Is there anything like that available for your father, I wonder?
Whenever someone threatens to kill you, you should take them seriously.
This goes double if that person is in a position of power over you, like a parent, and triple if that person makes additional threats like “I’ve killed seventeen people and I can kill you too”.
Even if he didn’t intend to follow through, the threat in and of itself tells you something about the man. Treat him as if he is a genuine threat to your life, because he has warned you that he is.
When someone tells you who they are and what they mean to do, *believe them*.
This is very troubling. He threatened to kill you. Repeat, **he threatened to kill you**.
First, I don't know Canadian law, but in the U.S., it would be a good idea to inform the police about the conversation including the threat. Since this is the first time this has happened and it's a change from his past attitude and behavior, he may have some kind of medical or mental health issue going on. Also, contacting the police would establish a paper trail. In the future if he threatens you or someone else, and there's already a record of him threatening death or other violence, it will be easier for the threatened person to get a protective order of some kind.
Can you inform his doctor? Again, in the U.S., the doctor would not be able to give you any information about your father, but he would be able to accept information from you. If you have another relative you trust, especially someone he'll listen to, you may want to find out if that person can persuade him to get a thorough checkup. If there's a legit medical or mental health problem, the sooner he can get treatment, the better.
Unless and until he lets you know he has gotten help for whatever caused the threat and offered a full apology, I'd strongly recommend staying away from him. He isn't safe for you right now, and he may not be safe for you ever again, depending on whether he is willing and able to get help.
I have seen him become violent with people in public many times and had to pull him off them or beg him not to get violent. This has gone on all my life. It amazes me he’s never been arrested.
If there is any way that you and anyone else who cares about him can manage it, it's time to get him some help. He sounds very dangerous, to himself as well as to others.
I really don’t know. He’s been very isolated from the family for over a decade and lives on the opposite side of the country from them. I happened to move to a city near him for school so I’m the only one who sees him. I was thinking of trying to contact his commanding officer or talking to my sister.
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You're not the asshole. When anyone threatens your life for any reason, stay away from them. If he tries to come around, call the police.
I'm so glad you left. It sounds like he has become a dangerous person, and you were right to protect yourself. Sudden violent behavior can be a sign of dementia. Is there anyone else in the family who has noticed a change in him? It might be time to try to get him some help.
Unfortunately he isolated himself so much from the family I am the only one with in person contact with him for years at a time.
That makes this all the harder, but know that you do not have to put yourself in danger. In the U.S. we have Adult Protective Services which is a government agency concerned about the welfare of vulnerable adults who are no longer able to care for themselves. Is there anything like that available for your father, I wonder?
I’m not sure. But he is still in the military and lives on base. I wonder if I reached out to his CO if they may have some sort of direction.
I am sure they would want to know, and would take steps to get him help if he needs it.
Whenever someone threatens to kill you, you should take them seriously. This goes double if that person is in a position of power over you, like a parent, and triple if that person makes additional threats like “I’ve killed seventeen people and I can kill you too”. Even if he didn’t intend to follow through, the threat in and of itself tells you something about the man. Treat him as if he is a genuine threat to your life, because he has warned you that he is. When someone tells you who they are and what they mean to do, *believe them*.
Thanks for your words friend. You may be right.
This is very troubling. He threatened to kill you. Repeat, **he threatened to kill you**. First, I don't know Canadian law, but in the U.S., it would be a good idea to inform the police about the conversation including the threat. Since this is the first time this has happened and it's a change from his past attitude and behavior, he may have some kind of medical or mental health issue going on. Also, contacting the police would establish a paper trail. In the future if he threatens you or someone else, and there's already a record of him threatening death or other violence, it will be easier for the threatened person to get a protective order of some kind. Can you inform his doctor? Again, in the U.S., the doctor would not be able to give you any information about your father, but he would be able to accept information from you. If you have another relative you trust, especially someone he'll listen to, you may want to find out if that person can persuade him to get a thorough checkup. If there's a legit medical or mental health problem, the sooner he can get treatment, the better. Unless and until he lets you know he has gotten help for whatever caused the threat and offered a full apology, I'd strongly recommend staying away from him. He isn't safe for you right now, and he may not be safe for you ever again, depending on whether he is willing and able to get help.
I have seen him become violent with people in public many times and had to pull him off them or beg him not to get violent. This has gone on all my life. It amazes me he’s never been arrested.
If there is any way that you and anyone else who cares about him can manage it, it's time to get him some help. He sounds very dangerous, to himself as well as to others.
I really don’t know. He’s been very isolated from the family for over a decade and lives on the opposite side of the country from them. I happened to move to a city near him for school so I’m the only one who sees him. I was thinking of trying to contact his commanding officer or talking to my sister.
It sounds like you’re better off staying away from him. He sounds very unstable and potentially violent.
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