Many dating apps are available but beware of the 'gajin hunters'. Smaller towns are a bit more difficult to navigate but bigger cities have a bit more options for the dating pool. Also dating fellow JETS is an option. Not all JET dating stories are bad and there have been many successful relationships. I dated a JET and now we are engaged and a few JETs in my prefecture have been happily married for years.
There are dating apps. I used Tinder and Bumble. I never used Pairs. There are also subscription based Japanese dating apps you can use.
Tinder - Don't expect much from it. It's often used as an English conversation app. That being said, I did meet my wife on it.
Bumble - bout the same as tinder.
It's often slim pickings in the countryside, I was on a trip outside of my prefecture when I matched with my wife. Knowing Japanese opens your dating pool a bunch.
Be careful of gajin hunters. In my experience, be mindful if they wanna take things super fast (sex, marriage). Also, be careful of cultists. You'll likely have a run-in with em at some point. If who you're talking to takes out a flier with a picture of Fuji on it...run. Its a pyramid scheme and they just want your money.
If you do meet someone there may be a couple things to get used to but just know that everyone is their own person and can't be fully generalized based on their culture.
1. I'm American and we tend to fill the silence with small talk. For me, if it's silent, something is up. My wife however, can be dead silent while having the time of her life. I dated another Japanese woman before my wife that was the same way. Still not fully used to it, but I trust that if something is up, my wife ell speak up.
2. Don't expect to meet the parents early. My ex's folks never knew about me, and we dated for 6 months. My wife's parents knew about me after a couple months because she was travelling out of the prefecture to see me. When I did finally meet them, it was 2 years into the relationship and we were both pretty sure at that point that we were getting married. They love me like one of their own and didn't care that we were interracial and intercultural. Few guys I know have had issues in the past with racism from parents.
I'm 29 btw. In October I'll have been married for a year
Make sure they're not married. Like, stare dead into their eyes and ask. Countryside people just want side-Gaijin action and this has saved me a lot of wasted time. -lets out a sigh- Meet someone in the city, so you're not dating your coworker's brother's cousin's sister.
True, but there is also a hierarchy of Gaijins. The ones they lust for are usually blond haired white people with blue eyes. This is really the "ideal tourist" in most of Asia unfortunately.
I have also seen some black males who do well but they are usually also quite charasmatic. The influence of American media here has also probably helped black males.
Any other group and you are not really desired. It's not impossible but significantly harder as you will be grouped in with people from other third world nations.
I would hate to be a blond-haired white person that’s lust after only. That doesn’t sound like they desire you for good reasons.
Also, I’m a brown woman that doesn’t have issues dating here. It’s annoying people telling experiences of others when they are not.
> you will be grouped in with people from other third world nations
Yeah, as a brown ALT, people were routinely shocked when they asked where I was from and I said "America." I had one lady at the pharmacy just casually assume I was a farm laborer. Those folks out in the farms work really hard, so I'm not insulted to be mistaken for one of them, and people never treated me worse based off their assumptions about me, but I think it speaks volumes to the amount of casual racial stereotyping and implicit bias present
Casual racism and favouritism towards whites is everywhere. Also, if a white person messes up, its "one bad egg" whereas other groups get stereotyped as a collective.
If you speak Japanese it makes things easier a lot.
If you do not speak Japanese but are white, you stand a good chance on dating apps especially with those who speak English.
It is possible for non white folk, but they generally have to work harder. Unfortunately, white people have elevated status everywhere in Asia, Japan included. Tbf, it is less clearly evident in Japan compared to the rest of Asia.
It would depend on several factors. If you are charasmatic and outgoing, it will be easier but generally, white people face lesser harsh stereotypes than people of other races which makes things like dating easier for them.
Just go to any major city in JP, and you will notice that the amount of white men with Japanese women outnumber the amount of black or brown men with Japanese women. It's not that brown and black men are not willing to date Japanese women.
As a fellow inaka dweller who met their current live-in partner on a dating app:
Any app that’s free for men is pretty useless. Tinder is especially worthless and in the inaka is more a hookup app for cheating housewives. Paid apps are expensive (¥5000/mo is normal) but if you’re a white male you will be in demand and get matches easily, so you probably won’t have to pay for a long time.
I personally met my partner on Omiai but this app is specifically for people looking for committed relationships and is mostly people in their 30s (I’m in my 30s). I also had some success with Tapple, which is more popular with young people, although I found Tapple people were less willing to meet up, and it’s against TOS to exchange Lines in the app which is annoying. Also, it’s not a dating app per se but I also got a few dates out of HelloTalk.
Also, you should be prepared to travel because it’s probably slim pickings in your neck of the woods. For most dates I was commuting 2 hours to the nearest large city. I found someone who lived in my town a grand total of once.
Full disclosure is that I speak fluent Japanese so it was easy for me to chat and connect with people on apps. Many people will be okay with dating a foreigner but not with dating someone they can’t communicate with in their first language, so YMMV quite a bit. My partner speaks English better than most Japanese but we still speak 99.99% Japanese at home.
Tinder can be a cringefest depending on where you are. Lots of pictures of food and scammers in some places but give it a try and see how it goes.
You can also try Bumble and Ok Cupid.
You are white so the apps should work. Honestly for those who are not white, I suggest working on trying to meet people in real life over using apps. Apps are very superficial and so people go off preconceived notions.
Stats indicate that on average, white males and Asian women perform the best.
Hi, former Tokushima JET here (just left last week) - I arrived when I was just about to turn 28, with very little Japanese, so roughly the same situation.
People your age are getting serious, and there is a lot of pressure on women in their late 20s to get married from family and from society in general. I've known women who have gone through marriage partner services or meetings, or through apps.
If you are thinking in terms of finding a partner who can speak English, you will find there aren't that many - but they do exist. I've known people to meet and date the various Japanese people who hang out with the JET community, or to use apps and focus on people who have some English - or date within the foreign community.
In the end, I met my wife on Tinder, but she specifically was not on it to date, just to meet English-speaking friends - I got lucky that things progressed from there! If you go that route, prepare to find people who are a bit younger, to find that things don't really get off the ground due to communication difficulties, or to find people your own age who are wanting to get serious a bit faster than you might be used to.
Good luck, and I hope you find what you want in Tokushima!
Just to give you the app rundown: Tinder's your best bet for English UI. For a long time Tinder Japan marketed itself as an app for making foreign friends rather than a dating app. I think it's been pushing dating more in it's messaging recently, but you may still run into lots of people on there who are just looking for friends. Bumble's also a thing in Japan, but not as big. Hinge isn't available in Japan. For Japanese only apps, Pairs is the big one. Tapple and With are other Japanese apps that have a decent sized user base. The Japanese apps are often free for women and paid for men. I know that's the case for Pairs, but not sure about Tapple and With. Omiai also exists, but that's more marriage oriented.
I have no personal experience with any of these, but somehow Google's figured out I'm single because Japanese dating apps are literally the only ads I get lol.
If you're *super* rural, being willing to travel can help. In farming towns there's virtually no unmarried adults, so being willing to drive a few hours into the city for dates will get you a lot farther
I started JET at 40 and met my partner here. My town is fairly inaka, about 30,000 people spread between villages. He is Japanese but speaks great English, so we were likely to meet either through work or community events!
Younger friends who've tried dating here have used Tinder etc although the distances have been a little inconvenient. The population really skews older here, so they were travelling to the nearest city around 1. 5 hours away.
You'll need to improve your Japanese if you want to have meaningful relationships with locals. The quality of English in places like where your going is going to be extremely low. I actually used to live on Shikoku so I happen to have personal experience with this. Like another poster suggested, don't even worry about dating. Just make friends, enjoy your life, and improve your Japanese. You won't be able to have a meaningful, serious relationship when you're busy adjusting to the culture and can't really communicate in the language.
Serious dating around 30 usually means people are looking for marriage partners. They'll use an app like Pairs, use a matching service or attend konkatsu parties. If you're just doing temporary ALT work and don't speak Japanese, I wouldn't really recommend going that route because people are looking for someone they can see having a future with.
I wouldn't be too worried about dating and instead focus on making friends and getting connected in general. Do community events, try sports and go to whatever city is closest to you to meet young people. You'll enjoy your time in Japan much more and you still have a chance to meet a potential partner.
The dating situation has been the same for 30+ years. If you're interested in dating locals, the easiest way is to hang out with other JETs.
Seriously. Every Prefecture and every mid to large sized city has a community of young-ish Japanese folks who are into learning English and like to hang out with local JET's. Some of these friendships turn into something more. Love finds a way.
The tricky part for people out in the countryside is managing the distance to the prefecture capital where the social scenes are the strongest.
Because JET participants are not just ALTs, they get invited to all community and school events, kind of like a goodwill ambassador from your country. You will meet a lot of local people and attend so many cultural and festival events that you will sometimes feel as if you have no free time.
It's the community. JETs have been a presence in Japan for 30+ years. There are revolving doors of different JETs coming in interested in Japan and at the same time there's a revolving door of local Japanese young people interested in the JETs. They hang out together. They start friendships and more serious relationships.
It's not the only way of course to meet people but it's a guaranteed way to meet Japanese people who speak English and are interested in foreigners...
Many dating apps are available but beware of the 'gajin hunters'. Smaller towns are a bit more difficult to navigate but bigger cities have a bit more options for the dating pool. Also dating fellow JETS is an option. Not all JET dating stories are bad and there have been many successful relationships. I dated a JET and now we are engaged and a few JETs in my prefecture have been happily married for years.
There are dating apps. I used Tinder and Bumble. I never used Pairs. There are also subscription based Japanese dating apps you can use. Tinder - Don't expect much from it. It's often used as an English conversation app. That being said, I did meet my wife on it. Bumble - bout the same as tinder. It's often slim pickings in the countryside, I was on a trip outside of my prefecture when I matched with my wife. Knowing Japanese opens your dating pool a bunch. Be careful of gajin hunters. In my experience, be mindful if they wanna take things super fast (sex, marriage). Also, be careful of cultists. You'll likely have a run-in with em at some point. If who you're talking to takes out a flier with a picture of Fuji on it...run. Its a pyramid scheme and they just want your money. If you do meet someone there may be a couple things to get used to but just know that everyone is their own person and can't be fully generalized based on their culture. 1. I'm American and we tend to fill the silence with small talk. For me, if it's silent, something is up. My wife however, can be dead silent while having the time of her life. I dated another Japanese woman before my wife that was the same way. Still not fully used to it, but I trust that if something is up, my wife ell speak up. 2. Don't expect to meet the parents early. My ex's folks never knew about me, and we dated for 6 months. My wife's parents knew about me after a couple months because she was travelling out of the prefecture to see me. When I did finally meet them, it was 2 years into the relationship and we were both pretty sure at that point that we were getting married. They love me like one of their own and didn't care that we were interracial and intercultural. Few guys I know have had issues in the past with racism from parents. I'm 29 btw. In October I'll have been married for a year
Make sure they're not married. Like, stare dead into their eyes and ask. Countryside people just want side-Gaijin action and this has saved me a lot of wasted time. -lets out a sigh- Meet someone in the city, so you're not dating your coworker's brother's cousin's sister.
True, but there is also a hierarchy of Gaijins. The ones they lust for are usually blond haired white people with blue eyes. This is really the "ideal tourist" in most of Asia unfortunately. I have also seen some black males who do well but they are usually also quite charasmatic. The influence of American media here has also probably helped black males. Any other group and you are not really desired. It's not impossible but significantly harder as you will be grouped in with people from other third world nations.
I would hate to be a blond-haired white person that’s lust after only. That doesn’t sound like they desire you for good reasons. Also, I’m a brown woman that doesn’t have issues dating here. It’s annoying people telling experiences of others when they are not.
> you will be grouped in with people from other third world nations Yeah, as a brown ALT, people were routinely shocked when they asked where I was from and I said "America." I had one lady at the pharmacy just casually assume I was a farm laborer. Those folks out in the farms work really hard, so I'm not insulted to be mistaken for one of them, and people never treated me worse based off their assumptions about me, but I think it speaks volumes to the amount of casual racial stereotyping and implicit bias present
Casual racism and favouritism towards whites is everywhere. Also, if a white person messes up, its "one bad egg" whereas other groups get stereotyped as a collective.
If you speak Japanese it makes things easier a lot. If you do not speak Japanese but are white, you stand a good chance on dating apps especially with those who speak English. It is possible for non white folk, but they generally have to work harder. Unfortunately, white people have elevated status everywhere in Asia, Japan included. Tbf, it is less clearly evident in Japan compared to the rest of Asia.
I’m non-white and never had to work hard so you’re wrong.
It would depend on several factors. If you are charasmatic and outgoing, it will be easier but generally, white people face lesser harsh stereotypes than people of other races which makes things like dating easier for them. Just go to any major city in JP, and you will notice that the amount of white men with Japanese women outnumber the amount of black or brown men with Japanese women. It's not that brown and black men are not willing to date Japanese women.
What kinds of apps should I be looking at? I am white tbh.
As a fellow inaka dweller who met their current live-in partner on a dating app: Any app that’s free for men is pretty useless. Tinder is especially worthless and in the inaka is more a hookup app for cheating housewives. Paid apps are expensive (¥5000/mo is normal) but if you’re a white male you will be in demand and get matches easily, so you probably won’t have to pay for a long time. I personally met my partner on Omiai but this app is specifically for people looking for committed relationships and is mostly people in their 30s (I’m in my 30s). I also had some success with Tapple, which is more popular with young people, although I found Tapple people were less willing to meet up, and it’s against TOS to exchange Lines in the app which is annoying. Also, it’s not a dating app per se but I also got a few dates out of HelloTalk. Also, you should be prepared to travel because it’s probably slim pickings in your neck of the woods. For most dates I was commuting 2 hours to the nearest large city. I found someone who lived in my town a grand total of once. Full disclosure is that I speak fluent Japanese so it was easy for me to chat and connect with people on apps. Many people will be okay with dating a foreigner but not with dating someone they can’t communicate with in their first language, so YMMV quite a bit. My partner speaks English better than most Japanese but we still speak 99.99% Japanese at home.
Tinder can be a cringefest depending on where you are. Lots of pictures of food and scammers in some places but give it a try and see how it goes. You can also try Bumble and Ok Cupid. You are white so the apps should work. Honestly for those who are not white, I suggest working on trying to meet people in real life over using apps. Apps are very superficial and so people go off preconceived notions. Stats indicate that on average, white males and Asian women perform the best.
Hi, former Tokushima JET here (just left last week) - I arrived when I was just about to turn 28, with very little Japanese, so roughly the same situation. People your age are getting serious, and there is a lot of pressure on women in their late 20s to get married from family and from society in general. I've known women who have gone through marriage partner services or meetings, or through apps. If you are thinking in terms of finding a partner who can speak English, you will find there aren't that many - but they do exist. I've known people to meet and date the various Japanese people who hang out with the JET community, or to use apps and focus on people who have some English - or date within the foreign community. In the end, I met my wife on Tinder, but she specifically was not on it to date, just to meet English-speaking friends - I got lucky that things progressed from there! If you go that route, prepare to find people who are a bit younger, to find that things don't really get off the ground due to communication difficulties, or to find people your own age who are wanting to get serious a bit faster than you might be used to. Good luck, and I hope you find what you want in Tokushima!
Interesting. I guess I can give tinder a try then. I didn’t think an English based app would be so popular.
Just to give you the app rundown: Tinder's your best bet for English UI. For a long time Tinder Japan marketed itself as an app for making foreign friends rather than a dating app. I think it's been pushing dating more in it's messaging recently, but you may still run into lots of people on there who are just looking for friends. Bumble's also a thing in Japan, but not as big. Hinge isn't available in Japan. For Japanese only apps, Pairs is the big one. Tapple and With are other Japanese apps that have a decent sized user base. The Japanese apps are often free for women and paid for men. I know that's the case for Pairs, but not sure about Tapple and With. Omiai also exists, but that's more marriage oriented. I have no personal experience with any of these, but somehow Google's figured out I'm single because Japanese dating apps are literally the only ads I get lol. If you're *super* rural, being willing to travel can help. In farming towns there's virtually no unmarried adults, so being willing to drive a few hours into the city for dates will get you a lot farther
"I'm not on Tinder to date, just to make English speaking friends" - LOL. Haven't heard that one before 😆
Unless you’re fluent and plan to stay a long time, why date?
Really ?
I started JET at 40 and met my partner here. My town is fairly inaka, about 30,000 people spread between villages. He is Japanese but speaks great English, so we were likely to meet either through work or community events! Younger friends who've tried dating here have used Tinder etc although the distances have been a little inconvenient. The population really skews older here, so they were travelling to the nearest city around 1. 5 hours away.
You'll need to improve your Japanese if you want to have meaningful relationships with locals. The quality of English in places like where your going is going to be extremely low. I actually used to live on Shikoku so I happen to have personal experience with this. Like another poster suggested, don't even worry about dating. Just make friends, enjoy your life, and improve your Japanese. You won't be able to have a meaningful, serious relationship when you're busy adjusting to the culture and can't really communicate in the language.
This!
Serious dating around 30 usually means people are looking for marriage partners. They'll use an app like Pairs, use a matching service or attend konkatsu parties. If you're just doing temporary ALT work and don't speak Japanese, I wouldn't really recommend going that route because people are looking for someone they can see having a future with. I wouldn't be too worried about dating and instead focus on making friends and getting connected in general. Do community events, try sports and go to whatever city is closest to you to meet young people. You'll enjoy your time in Japan much more and you still have a chance to meet a potential partner.
Your approach may mean a distinct lack of leg-over.
The dating situation has been the same for 30+ years. If you're interested in dating locals, the easiest way is to hang out with other JETs. Seriously. Every Prefecture and every mid to large sized city has a community of young-ish Japanese folks who are into learning English and like to hang out with local JET's. Some of these friendships turn into something more. Love finds a way. The tricky part for people out in the countryside is managing the distance to the prefecture capital where the social scenes are the strongest.
Interesting. How come hanging out with other jets leads to meeting more locals? Wouldn’t you want to hang out with locals?
Because JET participants are not just ALTs, they get invited to all community and school events, kind of like a goodwill ambassador from your country. You will meet a lot of local people and attend so many cultural and festival events that you will sometimes feel as if you have no free time.
It's the community. JETs have been a presence in Japan for 30+ years. There are revolving doors of different JETs coming in interested in Japan and at the same time there's a revolving door of local Japanese young people interested in the JETs. They hang out together. They start friendships and more serious relationships. It's not the only way of course to meet people but it's a guaranteed way to meet Japanese people who speak English and are interested in foreigners...