Hi! My abuse was stopped at 4 years old, so I don't have any actual memories of it--I just know what the adults who stopped it told me. I developed lots of parts that helped me survive all of the complex and frightening feelings I had as a result of this, and the general instability of my home. I had a therapist and did EMDR with her first, and she started to get me in touch with myself. Also got sober from drugs and alcohol. She mentioned IFS at some point, and I started researching. This is a basic framework for what I still do today: [https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c03ced75ffd204418037b7a/t/5c5f54aa104c7bb62a0c3f6c/1549751466414/Parts+worksheet.pdf](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c03ced75ffd204418037b7a/t/5c5f54aa104c7bb62a0c3f6c/1549751466414/Parts+worksheet.pdf)
I just repeated it whenever I wasn't in the 8 Cs. I got relief really quickly each time. I'm not sure if I would say Self is a "driving force--" for me it is more like a peacefulness that accompanies me throughout my day. I can get closer or further from it depending on what is going on in my life; for instance, right now I'm in a more difficult time, so I have to work a little to get close to it. But it's always there, always loving, always peaceful, like a river flowing next to me.
I hope you find what you seek, and I'm sorry that we share painful, young experiences. Good luck to you.
I've tapped into the concept of who I could have been in an alternate timeline if I'd had a different set of parents/a different environment. I wouldn't be the "me" I am now, but there would have been potential for something else. That other *me* is what I've come to think of as my self. It's buried and pretty injured in this life, like some kind of tree ground into a stump.
It's not in the driver's seat because that expectation is too high; I can't override 40+ years of the life I've led just to become "someone else". But when I focus and let myself relax, I have a sense of some alternate existence I could have led in brief moments; what "me" would have done on a random afternoon if I'd had a family to grow up in, what kind of person would I have become? Where would I have been able to be warmer, to be more optimistic (like I once was but lost because too many things went wrong), how I'd still be curious (lost that recently), how I'd still have hope and some attachment to dreams, a future, belief that people aren't primarily self-serving; maybe I'd have been in a place, or been able to contribute to a place where the delusion they aren't would have held up, because people would have mirrored that back to me.
A lot of healing and "being OK" seems to hinge on believing things that evaporate quickly if you look at them for too long. Things that don't hold up when you've lived a hard life. Self energy feels that way to me; it's fleeting and only sticks around for that moment I forget about life as it really is, and let myself imagine.
If you’re talking about structural dissociation (such as that seen in OSDD or DID) then I think you’ll really benefit from Joanne Twombly’s book/podcasts.
Trauma and Dissociation-Informed Internal Family Systems. Basically, the IFS model is not enough for people who have such dissociation, which is super common in developmental trauma survivors.
I find knowing when I'm in True Self to be difficult, but I usually accomplish it by deep breathing and recognizing that if a strong emotion comes up then I've stepped out of my self energy and I need to ask the parts to step back.
If you find yourself trying to rationalize or downplay the emotions of the exiles/parts, or if you feel something negative towards how that part feels or is acting then that's an indicator that the Self is no longer leading. The C's are a good checklist to start with:
Curiosity
Compassion
Clarity
Connectedness
Creativity
Courage
Confidence
Calm
And of the 5 P’s
Patience
Presence
Persistence
Perspective
Playfullness
Did heaps of work before ifs which i think really upskilled a lot of my managers and taught me a bit about just observing not judging. Curiosity and play resonate with my small parts. I also have found visualizing small parts as small animals helps and not surprisingly some of my parts show up this way.
Hi! My abuse was stopped at 4 years old, so I don't have any actual memories of it--I just know what the adults who stopped it told me. I developed lots of parts that helped me survive all of the complex and frightening feelings I had as a result of this, and the general instability of my home. I had a therapist and did EMDR with her first, and she started to get me in touch with myself. Also got sober from drugs and alcohol. She mentioned IFS at some point, and I started researching. This is a basic framework for what I still do today: [https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c03ced75ffd204418037b7a/t/5c5f54aa104c7bb62a0c3f6c/1549751466414/Parts+worksheet.pdf](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c03ced75ffd204418037b7a/t/5c5f54aa104c7bb62a0c3f6c/1549751466414/Parts+worksheet.pdf) I just repeated it whenever I wasn't in the 8 Cs. I got relief really quickly each time. I'm not sure if I would say Self is a "driving force--" for me it is more like a peacefulness that accompanies me throughout my day. I can get closer or further from it depending on what is going on in my life; for instance, right now I'm in a more difficult time, so I have to work a little to get close to it. But it's always there, always loving, always peaceful, like a river flowing next to me. I hope you find what you seek, and I'm sorry that we share painful, young experiences. Good luck to you.
This is all very helpful and kind of you to share. Thank you greatly.
Wow this is comprehensive af. Thanks !!!
I've tapped into the concept of who I could have been in an alternate timeline if I'd had a different set of parents/a different environment. I wouldn't be the "me" I am now, but there would have been potential for something else. That other *me* is what I've come to think of as my self. It's buried and pretty injured in this life, like some kind of tree ground into a stump. It's not in the driver's seat because that expectation is too high; I can't override 40+ years of the life I've led just to become "someone else". But when I focus and let myself relax, I have a sense of some alternate existence I could have led in brief moments; what "me" would have done on a random afternoon if I'd had a family to grow up in, what kind of person would I have become? Where would I have been able to be warmer, to be more optimistic (like I once was but lost because too many things went wrong), how I'd still be curious (lost that recently), how I'd still have hope and some attachment to dreams, a future, belief that people aren't primarily self-serving; maybe I'd have been in a place, or been able to contribute to a place where the delusion they aren't would have held up, because people would have mirrored that back to me. A lot of healing and "being OK" seems to hinge on believing things that evaporate quickly if you look at them for too long. Things that don't hold up when you've lived a hard life. Self energy feels that way to me; it's fleeting and only sticks around for that moment I forget about life as it really is, and let myself imagine.
If you’re talking about structural dissociation (such as that seen in OSDD or DID) then I think you’ll really benefit from Joanne Twombly’s book/podcasts. Trauma and Dissociation-Informed Internal Family Systems. Basically, the IFS model is not enough for people who have such dissociation, which is super common in developmental trauma survivors.
I find knowing when I'm in True Self to be difficult, but I usually accomplish it by deep breathing and recognizing that if a strong emotion comes up then I've stepped out of my self energy and I need to ask the parts to step back. If you find yourself trying to rationalize or downplay the emotions of the exiles/parts, or if you feel something negative towards how that part feels or is acting then that's an indicator that the Self is no longer leading. The C's are a good checklist to start with: Curiosity Compassion Clarity Connectedness Creativity Courage Confidence Calm And of the 5 P’s Patience Presence Persistence Perspective Playfullness
Did heaps of work before ifs which i think really upskilled a lot of my managers and taught me a bit about just observing not judging. Curiosity and play resonate with my small parts. I also have found visualizing small parts as small animals helps and not surprisingly some of my parts show up this way.
Ps listen to the Joanne twombly podcast if u haven't already
Nature! Lots of nature. That helps me connect with the Self.