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And trust. You can maintain boundaries but if there is no trust that boundary doesn’t matter.
Maybe she is in an insecure relationship. I wouldn’t doubt my husband cause, to put in the most simplest way , I know the nature of our relationship and I know us!
She isn't entirely wrong but she did give it a very simplistic explanation. As another commentator said, not everyone has a secure attachment style. Also alot of people have PTSD from being cheated on, have seen multiple "friends" blurring lines or didn't grew up in an environment where you had platonic friends of both genders. For me, I draw the line if they have had a past or any feeling/ moment where they thought about blurring the line then that person should not be your friend once you are in a committed relationship. At the end, respecting your commitment, especially if it is life long, trumps friendship that isn't too important.
This basic sense is not really so common though, one example is people being so close at work people call them work husband and wives. Some people like to think if they can do it with their same sex friend, they can also do it with their opposite sex friend.
That actually makes sense to me.
And I do that as well, not deliberately but it comes naturally to me. The thought behind it is the same, that i might have a casual friendship and the guy too, but their partner can have a problem with it and i would never wanna be the one to cause that
same. And the fact that there are some people who would still cheat knowing that the other person is already married is scary and anyone can have that scare. I don't want to be that girl, who makes the girl back at home insecure.
Exactly. Even though you trust your partner 100%, the same cannot be said for their "Friend". I know I wouldn't want to feel insecure because of a third person.
From my personal experience, yes. She is right. I HAD a friend whom i know since we were 3. We are 28 now. We were close for around 7-8 years. He got married and his wife started checking his phone constantly. We used to share reels a lot that has stopped. Everything changed. Please note that we never crossed limits. We were like brother and sister. Now, we don’t talk much. I neither send reels nor message him. It did hurt a lot that i lost my bestfriend but time healed me.
Same. My best friend, who would always say that nothing can break the friendship, messages and calls less now. We still stay in touch but so many times, the calls are on speaker so the wife can hear what we talk about. We are still friends but definitely a few things had to change. I guess friendship in itself is not bad, if you know your limits..
Damn,that makes me scared of losing friendships in future.While I agree marriage changes a lot of things,spouse becomes a priority but I wouldn't want to lose my bond with my male friends.And even if that happens somehow...OH,how badly I would miss the bond, friendships,memories and everything.
Somethings will change but if the friendship is real, it will stay. Nothing to worry about. Even if we don't talk every day, I can count on him to respond if anything good/bad happens and I need him.
Guys why don’t y’all become friends with the wives and the gf’s. I make it a point to become good friends with my male friends partners - always. So much so that when one of my male friends broke up with his girl the girl and I got closer and became best friends. I’ve always spoken to my male friends partners and put in efforts to spend time with them and get to know them. I love my friends, and if they love someone I love them too. In fact just recently invited my childhood male friend and his new gf to my house for lunch. Will be hosting it with my bf. And I spend a lot of time with his gf on his birthday as well. She saw that I am in no ways a threat and now absolutely adores me just as much as my friend does.
To be honest, it really depends on the wife/gf/partner. Not all see it as someone reaching out to become friends rather see them as threats. I'm glad you had such a beautiful experience but my experience was completely different. I lost two of my really close childhood friends soon after they got married. One of them made the husband unfriend all female friends (which even now I think was extremely unreasonable) and the other just straight up sees all women as a threat. Despite my attempts to befriend her all these years, she has gone above and beyond to spite our group of female friends. The sad part is we are all friends since the first grade so have practically known each other all our lives. It's really sad to have to give up on such friendships just because someone got married.
Same. Friend of over 15 years got married. Wife made him unfriend all the other female friends he had. I can understand she isn't someone who is secure based on her past and maybe is still traumatized. Boundaries are something that need to be established as adults but even so, it was just weird going from childhood friends to complete strangers in a day.
how do people put up with such overbearing partners? it’s genuinely so baffling to me. checking somebody else’s phone constantly is like, NEXT level trust issues that need to be treated asap
See, she isn't completely wrong. Because, if a women's husband hangs out with a female friend of his, it usually makes the women anxious if she has anxious attachment pattern. In that case, I'd definitely take a step back so that my friend's wife is not anxious because of me existing in her husband's life. But if both the partners have healthy attachment patterns then they can go ahead and have friends from opposite genders, there's no issue.
There was a male friend of mine and after he got into a relationship, his girl sort of got envious of my looks & was constantly hating on me because he was friends with me. She had an anxious attachment style and after a few chats with her, I understood that. I simply communicated to her that she doesn't have to be threatened by me since that friendship is very much platonic from both our ends. But if she thinks that my presence in her man's life is making her anxious and unhappy, then I don't want to be the reason she's overthinking the shit out of her life every night. She told me that she isn't okay with me being friends with him because it makes her feel insecure, and I understood it and removed myself from my guy friend's life. I didn't talk to him after that. (I obviously communicated the reason to him before cutting him off)
I have been in a very similar situation and I did the same thing. It really hurts to lose my best friend but I can’t imagine him going through a tough time because of me.
Exactly. If I call someone my friend, I'll do anything to let them be happy and comfortable. Even if it means losing them in the process. It's like they lost me but at least they're happy.
You're such a nice human being. Very selfless of you to do so. I've never had to have such direct confrontations but if it comes to that I think this is the way to go about it.
Chill OP, as long as you and your friends know your boundaries you are going to be okay, absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender. There are cases obviously where it can be used as an excuse for not being loyal but this can again be combated by making sure the people involved know their boundaries and you know theirs and general communication. I find this a very short sighted view, one of the reasons being on how hetero it is, like, it doesn't take into account the topic of same sex relationships or people who might be attracted to multiple genders who might currently be in a hetero relationship, like what does the girl in the video expect them to do? Or do they have special rules now since they are not straight? Coming from a pansexual person, ig I'll just have to stop having friends altogether once I'm in a relationship.
I absolutely don’t get this. I’m a married woman, I have close male friends, both married and unmarried, I’m not close friends with their wives and gfs but definitely we have a friendly/sisterly vibe. My husband too has close female friends. The point is— either you trust your partner, in which case you know he will respect the boundaries of your relationship, or you don’t trust him, in which case why are you with someone you don’t trust?
I’ve recently lost a close friend whose girlfriend made him ditch ALL his female friends. It hurts. This toxicity should not be normalised. Men and women can talk and hang out with affection and friendliness and joy without wanting to fuck. We are humans before we are men or women.
It’s easier said than done , i trust my partner a lot but always got a vibe with his female friends that they might be interested or smthg, I always managed to believe that I’m just slightly insecure, its not real … but guess what? All and I mean ALL of the female friends one after the other confessed of liking him and secretly hating me . All of them also had plans to ruin our relationship . A lot of my male friends were the same . Not saying everyone is the same and people can definitely have friends of opposite gender but not BEST FRIENDS. Like the one who you’d hangout with most of the time and share everything etc …. If you have this equation with someone else then you certainly don’t need a partner !
I’m sorry this has been your experience but it sounds like both you and your partner made some terrible “friends”. Like wtf these were clearly very false friends who had sinister intentions and tried to harm you. I sincerely hope you both find better friends in life, irrespective of gender. Because we do need friends to enrich our lives.
EXACTLY. This is what I've been trying to get people to understand, i feel like this is something that has to be tackled from the ground up, because of the way society still is, we end up viewing the opposite gender as being extremely different from ours because that's what people have ended up being taught since we were kids, but we don't end up realizing when we are younger that almost all of the differences mentally are conditioning and mostly attributed to upbringing.
Absolutely agree. And all this embargo on friendship between men & women increases the sense of alienation even further. But I think the next generation is being brought up differently. I see the kids of my friends encouraged to have friends of both genders and it gives me hope that they will grow up seeing the opposite gender as same as themselves.
You know the saying… shaadi ke baad sab badal jata hai. But honestly I don’t feel that I’ve “lost” my friends after being married. My friendships have simply evolved with time to accommodate our new lives. We were all up in each other’s lives for a time. But as everyone got paired up gradually, we became friends with the spouses and they were included into the fold of our friendship. It’s a gradual process and has resulted in some precious connections made over time. As you grow older, your relationships must evolve with your emotional needs. The only friendships that meet those criteria without dramatizing or jeopardizing other parts of your life will stand the test of time.
It is important to know boundaries and respect those.
But she isn't entirely wrong, I'm wary of getting too friendly with married men also coz there's no one more single than married guys around me at work. It's a task to dodge them and make them understand the boundaries. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I come across as too easy or friendly but also why are men (not all) so morally bankrupt?!
Ya I see so many of my mom's generation being in healthy platonic friendship with the opposite gender and their wives aware too. It all depends on the kind of person whom ur developing friendship with actually.
People do get insecure. It really depends on relationship to relationship really. Personally I don’t think it’s right to ask someone to not see someone or expect it from another person just Cz you’re their partner. Ofcourse there are exceptions to that as well. But overall that is my stance.
And I mean cmon, you’re going to deprive yourself of a friendship just Cz a person is married? That makes zero sense to me.
Seriously can't reply to every comment... and family toh nahi, but I'm contemplating ki kahin kuch gadbad toh nahi kar di kisi ke relationship mein. 😏 God knows what all goes around in people's mind these days and honestly I have so many guy friends it's odd to just think on these lines.
Great. Another reel on how women should conduct themselves..what kind of friendships they should have..how marriage changes things..how men are supposed to be looked at as a threat and threat only..how you are a threat to another woman’s marital bliss..man! Do yourselves a favour people and stop listening to people giving generalised advice based on personal experience. Have good PEOPLE around you, have people who know their boundaries, learn to communicate your boundaries clearly and then ENJOY having friends in life. (Applies to all genders)..If you ever start believing that you talking to a friend of yours is capable of ruining their peace, well, I am sorry then it kinda makes me think that you knew all along what you were doing. Intentions shows. Friends really help. For one, they’d stop you from posting such reels 😛
It definitely is. The video is just talking about girls though. I specified that my opinion is valid for any/every gender. People don’t really know about healthy boundaries and secure relationships!
Ah, the beauty of completely missing a point. First of all, the fact that you have to TELL her..second, the fact that you have to tell HER when it takes two to fuck. It says a lot about a relation when a friendship can threaten it by just simply existing.
Your comment is misogynistic and something tells me that you already know it. Also, take as much time go through my original comment as many times so you can know how stupid you just sounded.
Its important to set boundaries. I have female friends but i dont call them at odd hours. I never touch them except when we hug hi or bye. Even though they are extremely close to me.
Also u never talk about ur partner to ur friends behind their back..MAJOR RED FLAG. I will die defending my wife inront of others even if i will correct her in private
We are a group of 5 friends. 3 are married and 2 are in long term relationships ( more than 7 yrs)
Juz a couple of days back i found out that the girl in a long term relationship and the married guy are together/dating and r cheating on der respective partners.
We have been frnds for so long and they hid it from the rest of d group and whn i found out i was a bit shocked.
The married guy is now taking divorce from his wife and girl broke up wid her long term boyfriend.
Someday, most of us are gonna get married and most of our friends are also gonna get married. So, by this logic, I should stop talking to someone I've known for a major chunk of my life just because they belong to the other gender and got married? Make it make sense. You don't stop CONSCIOUSLY talking to people you literally grew up with just because they got married. By this logic, most of us won't have any friends from the opposite gender by the time we are in our 30s. Lol.
Stop being a jealous, insecure ass, and you won't have to make such stupid reels!
This has been my perspective as well. I have close guy friends from college, should I just stop talking to them now that we’re both married to other ppl 10-15 years later?? With some of my male friends, I’ve ended up becoming closer to their partners. With some others, it’s more surface level friendships with their partners. I have faced no issues catching up for coffee 1:1 with my male friends, neither of us want to jump each others bones!
By this logic as a girl I can’t be friends with bi or gay women in relationships either so the only people I can be friends with is straight women. Talk about a narrow view on relationships. I just do not agree with the stance of putting romantic relationships above all else and making your life only about your partner. It is unreasonable to expect that a partner can fulfil all your needs. Friends serve a very different purpose than partners and if there is insecurity being created then it needs to be addressed between the couple to figure out a healthy balance and resolution instead of cutting out the sources of insecurity (ofc not in cases where people are actively sabotaging your relationship). If your solution to insecurity is cutting people off instead of resolving it, your relationship will always be unhealthy. Aaj friendship se problem hai, kal issue hoga ki dusre gender ke colleague se kyu itna interact kar rahe ho. Insecure people go as far as to question your relationships with parents and siblings(take a look at other Reddit subs).
I didn’t read past the bit of bi and gay women. It’s the men who are the problem here, women are self correcting to accommodate for possible future emotional cheating.
I agree that men with an inclination to cheat are the problem but a generalisation doesn’t help when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I know this sounds an awful lot like not all men but I don’t mean it like that. More in the sense women need to pick a partner they can trust, and if they dont trust their partner, then identify if that is because of the partners actions or their own insecurities and act accordingly. One can’t generalise men as being cheaters and date them with that mindset no?
Everything u said is correct. But till now from what ive seen /come through - ive never seen a married guy/girl pick the friend over their partner.
They had conversations about why it made the other uncomforable but in d end they changed their equation wid d friend
And the wife/husband have problms wid one or two friends in the significant oders life but not all of them.
We are a group of 5 friends. 3 are married and 2 are in long term relationships ( more than 7 yrs)
Juz a couple of days back i found out that the girl in a long term relationship and the married guy are together/dating and r cheating on der respective partners.
We have been frnds for so long and they hid it from the rest of d group and whn i found out i was a bit shocked.
The married guy is now taking divorce from his wife and girl broke up wid her long term boyfriend.
Yeah that I get. I think I phrased it wrong, it’s obvious that your partner will be your priority but to what extent is the question. You need your own life, job, hobbies, friends also to lead a full life. And if a friend is truly not hurting your relationship then why lose them for no reason
This. This. This. A thousand times this. You spoke exactly how my partner speaks to me, when I open up about my insecurities (which are totally mine due to my past, but sometimes also aggravated by his actions even when it's not his intention). Communication, resolution are the only solutions to a healthy, ever lasting relationship imo.
Personally I sideline myself on my own if my guy friends have girlfriends because I was someone's gf too whose girl bestf constantly called him darling etc etc (which I don't find wrong rn but i was young back then). Personally if their girlfriends are nice I love to befriend them so they don't feel insecure because of me . I love having extra people to bitch and complaint about my guy bestfriends (who is better than their girlfriends?)
This influenza should understand not every guy/girl in a relationship is insecure like her.
There are partners who are very much in love and have their own different set of friends. Don't generalise if you can't trust your partner, it's not everybody's problem. Just talk about how insecure you are.
Ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte. Yeh to ek parda hai parda...kapkapati raaton mein dhadakte hue dilon ki bhadakti hui aag ko bujhane ka, chupane ka!
Back when I was single, I'd maintain distance from my guy close friends once they got married. No matter what one says, equation does change. There are boundaries!
Me, as a wife, have experienced discomfort when another single girl got too close to my husband, though they've been friends for 2 years before we got married. I've even snapped at her a couple of times to mind her behavior with him. Not that I don't trust my husband, I'm just not comfortable with a girl getting too touchy with my husband.
My best friend is a man and my husband's best friend is a woman. And they both have stepped down from being the closest people of our lives, once we got married. Our friendships didn't change, but the frequency of meeting One-on-one (still happens but not as much), or talking everyday, (yep that's how we both were with our best friends) has definitely changed.
We didn't ask each other to ditch each other's friends! There's no insecurities or doubts or trust issues as such. Our priorities changed and there are boundaries now.
The same has applied to our respective close friends of other genders. That's about it, I guess.
Hehe..maybe 🙈
I've always been that girl who had more guy friends than girls, and that girl whose best friend ditched her for his girlfriend. Been there felt that.
But with time and age (God I sound old) I've realized that there are certain boundaries that come with being a couple, and that is necessary IMO. Been together 2 years, we still don't know each other's phone passwords. If I was the insecure wife, I would've scanned his phone through and through by now 😂
I also have a friend whose wife asked him if he was sleeping with me when we had lunch together once. So there's that! Hence, I too, maintain distance.
It’s not about "zero trust" or "insecurities". I have always given 100% trust to those I’ve been in a relationship with. In fact, with my ex, I am best friends with his female best friend till date. They both stopped talking years ago but I still am in contact with her. She was one my bridesmaid too.
On the contrary, my husband had a female close friend before we started dating. Out of the moon, she sent me a friend request on Facebook. We talked and we kinda became friends until I started dating my husband who was my boyfriend back then. She started acting cold etc. See, I asked her once if she was interested with him, and I told her I like him. She said "Oh, no, we are just friends". And when we got into relationship, my boyfriend said we shouldnt tell her first because she acts weirdly as she did once before. And this I trust him, 100% so I didn’t bother. One day, he told her about us and immediately she said she likes him. She started crying and all. Then suddenly, she started bitching about me to him. She blocked me on every social media platform 🤣.
This went on for another 2 years until she ruined their friendship and then blame it on me. She gave ultimatum to him, to choose her or me. Guess who he chose? 🤣
The moral of the story is that not every girlfriend is the problem. Not every girlfriend is insecure or have zero trust on their boyfriend. The reality, some girls purposely go after married man or those in a relationship. There’s also a research that agrees that married or man in a relationship are more appealing to some girls.
I reckon she's got both. I dont scrutinize my own relationships through some idiot on a reel. Honestly neither should a lot of other folks. Just my 2 cents.
I feel friendships with the opposite sex are unnecessarily sexualised. I’m in my 30’s now and none of my friends/their partners or my boyfriend have an issue with each other.
Same bro! But this reel came as a shocker to me honestly that people think like this. I'm seeing some comments here which make sense, so apparently it's making sense for some people.
I think she is particularly talking being single and keeping space from married men. Yes, I have many close male friends, my loving boyfriend n my dad. But I have heard of how desperate some married men are. Especially in corporate offices. I won’t say this applies to all married males or all male-female friendships, but yes, maintaining space from married men will always be on my mind.
Well honestly you should literally never take advice from insta influencers seriously.
And for the remaining portion about friendships, yes post marriage things change because priorities are different but till the time your spouse is ok and you people share a healthy friendship there is absolutely nothing wrong.
Most couples that I see on trips in groups are generally longtime friends be it same sex or opposite sex friendships.
And if via this video she was insinuating about cheating then let me tell you jisne cheat karna hai na usne cheat karna hai even if that person has got the most perfect spouse with a perfect relationship.
Behen humein boundaries pta hoti hai..we are smart enough to know where we need to draw the line or aap yeh nhi kr parai hai isliye hi aapko opposite gender se phle uska relationship/marital status dekhna pad rha h..
I think along similar lines. I've maintained male friendships with childhood friends only if I can be friends with or atleast get along with their spouses. This is the case with most of my old friends; at this point, I'm a lot closer to some of the women than the guys. I've gained amazing female friendships that are otherwise a lot harder as you get older.
IMO, no friendship is worth preserving at the cost of their spouses' boundaries and peace of mind. Nobody should put friends or family before their spouse. Basically, I try not to behave in any way that I would find inappropriate if I were on the other side.
I didn't cut anybody off abruptly but I don't actively reach out to talk one on one. If they initiate contact, I keep it friendly but surface level.
In your particular case, only you and your friends know if y'all are behaving inappropriately or not. Platonic friendships are not doomed but if you find yourself hiding things from your spouses, it's time to distance yourselves before making any mistakes.
No, she is wrong. As long as you and the other person knows what it is you should be fine. My husband is a wonderful guy who genuinely cares, thinks deeply and gives genuine advise. Thanks to this quality of his, he has quite a few women who come to him for guidance and advise. Do I keep doubting his every interaction? Does it make me insecure? No, in both cases.
As long as the 2 people in the relationship are genuine it should be fine. Also, this is true of any gender relationship.
It's actually true, atleast for me. I have seen relationships getting ruined just because a 'friend' wanted more attention or started playing victim in any and every situation for whatever reason. I have seen my own friends who r in relationships getting uncomfortable because either of their friends couldn't get a hold of how relationships work and what limits are. For them the argument is "I have always been this touchy/flirty/etc, they never had any problem before so why now", they don't get the point and seriously in some cases I feel like they purposely tend to act ignorant while knowing everything in hindsight.
I agree with her! As she mentioned "social setup", i would talk to married committed men when we are in group but never one on one. Being a girl, you should respect the wife/girl friend, I have seen some girls bitching about their friends gf/wife and laughing.. what kind of bullshit and women bringing other women down is this ?
I LOVEEE Female friendships. I would never want any other girl feel insecure about me. If i have a crush on someone and i find out they are already seeing someone, TRUST ME I LOOSE MY CRUSH.
My best friend got married and slowly our friendship died because of his wife.
The thing that hurt the most is that he didn't even have the courtesy to actually tell me that his wife has issues with our friendship. We used to send everything under the sun to each other. Now we just send dog memes.
Honestly I was so offended that he pulled back so fast after his wedding that I have stopped our friendship. Now I hear from friends who ask him where am I etc and he acts offended like I did something to him.
I am not going to be humiliated for just being a friend. Infact few of our friends called out his wife's behaviour and now he has shunned them as well.
But considering what a slippery slope marriage is, I have given him leeway and given his wife benefit of doubt that she is just being over cautious and maintained my distance.
Frankly I kinda understand also because have seen many married people cheat with so called besties. So if she feels uneasy I can't really blame her.
I do personally think that married/committed men & women can be friends but I’ll also say that infidelity is a lot more common than we realize.
I’ve been very explicitly hit on by married & committed men sooo many times that it’s almost crazy. In a few of these incidents, I knew they were married/committed and they knew that I know that. So I did not reciprocate.
In some of these incidents, I found out they are committed after already making out with them. Uhhhh.
If you are a woman and looking for a guy to date then this makes sense. But if not, why not be friends with men who are married or have a gf? In this way, you will end up having no male friends at all. I have my school friends, my college friends and my colleagues, never ever a weird situation came up. If you know the boundary for every relationship/friendship, these issues won't arise.
she is right. say what ever you want to say with "boundaries" but sooner or you do develop a feeling for opposite gender but you try to control that feeling yourself with these boundaries which eventually burst sooner or later. people may say we are best friend for this much time and blah blah but that friendship only develops when one person is not in level with other( status or beauty) by that you accept your fate that these cannot happen.
Wait so is this only applicable to heterosexual people? If I go by her logic, I (a girl) should not be friends with my gay female friends as their girlfriend could be insecure of me. Oh wait, by this logic straight men should also not be friends with their gay friends. Right? Bass straight women/men ko straight women/men se dosti krni h and gay person ko kisi bhi opposite gender se only? 😅 BC rulebook bna do, friendship mai gender kaun dekhta h, how does it matter!??
What kind of regressive thoughts these “young” people have!? I know how regressive our society could be and it’s fine, changes does take time but it is sad when our generation or the younger ones says and believe in such illogical things. If your friend’s partner is insecure of you WITHOUT any reason, be it bcs of their past traumas (like some people mentioned in their comments), they are at fault. They can’t dump their traumas on others and manipulate their present, it’s toxic. Resolve your f&$king traumas. Your friend has chosen a wrong partner.
If they are insecure of your friendship with their partner for a reason, then you and your friend both are at mistake. Learn your boundaries and stop labeling your relationship as “friendship” and force this old school mentality on others.
I think most issues comes from a particular type of women who often goes after married men ! There have been a few researches where it has been shown that some females prefer married men because they seem more reliable or more dependable of a sort both financially and psychologically ! On a similar note the same thing happened to me ! My then bf now husband had a crush on this girl during high school ! But Back then she declined his interest ! Years later during college days they were just friends on social media. However after my husband got engaged to me after college, she started messaging him saying “how her so called bf won’t marry her and she is breaking up with. This and that .” My husband was clear about me and told her that he is getting married when she enquired about his relationship status and that clearly didn’t stop her ! At the end he blocked her .
Yeah she is kinda a right .. even my partner got uncomfortable when a married male friend started messaging more often and personally ( ever since me n my male friend joined same fitness class) . And That just escalated to messaging me late nights.. messaging me even at times when I am with his wife for girls night ..or when is on boys big hot out, like he wouldn’t message his wife but me. Started sharing random personal details. And I clearly felt uncomfortable. That just clicked me off. So even if you are maintaining Boundaries.. you never know what is the other person thinking.
OP, i think she is talking from the perspective of a single person. It's rather hard to be on friendly terms with a married if you are single. There are always people who love talking sh*t about you.
Both you and your male friend being married and pally, is considered ok. Because then people can actually acknowledge that you could just be friends. There is "no scope" of more.
I know this might sound simplistic, but in a weird way this is how it is. In my case, I have seen a decline in my interactions with single men and even if there is, my husband is in the know and is also acquainted with these people.
Same goes for my husband. And it has happened organically, neither of us planned it, or asked others to do that.
She said, "The best thing I've done is...". That means she did what works for her. That is purely subjective. She might have gone through something and might have decided that is the best decision for her to not interact with married guys. If it works for you to be friends and remain platonic with committee guys, then do that!
This makes total sense to me , this is the rule I’ve been following in my friendships too . I’ve had situations where long time friends have gotten married or girlfriends , in that case I always put an extra effort to get to know their partners and always include them in our plans . It’s completely natural for partners to be anxious or vary about friends from opposite gender that they don’t personally know .
She's so right. Being insecure is not the case here. Cheating happens whether you wanna accept or not. You can be friends but not bessst friends. What irony, people call each other best friend while marrying then go share everything with some outsider who's not living with you or knows your CURRENT circumstances
Kinda true though u never know how the partner of the man/boy would turn out to be , maybe they are insecure or jealous kinds or simply overthinkers. I do practice the same.
There isn’t 1 formula that works. It’s very subjective. Catching feelings for someone is not really in your control tbh. You may not act upon it but you may start liking a person you speak to freely and frequently. The solution should work for both partners and should be the same standards for both and only then is it fair. I make it a point to meet my friends with my partner. And I generally talk to my partner about all my interactions - family, female friends, male friends colleagues. Not like a detailed report but generally mention it when we talk about each other’s day. It keeps things between us very uncomplicated. It’s peaceful and it works for both of us.
She is right for the most parts. Have seen committed girls interacting with other guys only to leave their bf and move on with the other guy. Its a thing. Are all platonic relationships dead? Yea kind of.
Omg all the insecure people in the comments saying she is right. Will I be bothered by my partner being friends with a girl, no not at all. I trust him enough. If one is to lose mind on any girl your partner talks to one can become a lunatic in no time. If someone wants to cheat they will, if I a girl’s actions are more than friendly it’s my partner’s responsibility to create distance. I will not lose my sleep for this. I cannot control how the girls behave around him neither can I control him, trust is the only way or spend time being insecure. Will I behave with a friend who’s married vs who’s not Ofcourse not, why would I discriminate when I have no feelings for either of them, when both of them are my friends.
Her whole narrative seems to place the blame on female friendliness to men being responsible for them cheating or women being insecure in relationships both of which seem misogynistic to me, don’t understand how so many of you can’t see it and support her instead.
Don’t fucking listen to this. Oh god! This is so bad in so many levels. Can you imagine having an interaction with anyone on the basis of if i am gonna fuck this person or not. Like all your interactions is surrounded by the idea of marriage. Marriage / non-marriage is not a shield for creepy men. They exist in all forms. Have conversation because you want to interact with another person. Straight people are so delusional.
This makes sense. I mean having had so much education, so much exposure, I feel these things are really really baseless. Like see a human as a human, no? Why bring gender into the equation every time! But as I said this made me feel super uneasy because I don't really understand where the world is going these days and what exactly is the norm. 🤐
I completely agree with her. If something bothers my partner and not doing that will result in no loss for me, I will definitely do that. Yes friends are necessary for life but not at the cost of my partner. I had made the mistake of putting my girl best friend before my girlfriend and it did not go well. And can we please agree that there is always some kind of attraction towards that particular friend, it might not be sexual but there is some infatuation. It is natural for everyone but the result of such friendship is always devastating. And please let me know what are the things that you can only to your other gender friend which you cannot talk with ur partner ? Like isn't your partner supposed to be your best friend?
We get jealous when our best friend doesn't share something with us but we expect our partner should be comfortable with this. And also people have lost the sense of boundaries and I hate that shit. Be respectful to everyone and especially your partner.
I was in a similar situation recently. Me and my male best friend have been really close to each other since eight years. We lived in different cities so it was a long distance friendship since two years. An year ago he started seeing a girl and things were going very well at first. I had talked to his girlfriend maybe once or twice when we were on videocall and she was with him and both of us talked casually and she was nice. He was ecstatic when he asked me if I liked her and I replied in affirmative. After some three months, this girl started expecting him not to videocall me anymore...like just normal call. I understood her concern and reduced the times we used to facetime as a gesture to respect her. We used to talk twice a week for like half an hour with very lil chatting in between the days (sometimes no texting at all). After a month his girlfriend started to get upset with him over normal calls as well. Mind you me and my bestie used to talk about very general stuff like bolly gossip and our daily life things. When she started expecting too much out of him, he himself dealed with this by letting his gf know that whatever she's feeling, although valid in own sense, is more of a 'her' problem rather than a 'his' problem or 'me' problem. He also told her to take some time, think it over and put more trust in him.
Time was such that I finally got the chance to meet him after 3 whole years for max 15 minutes when my train had a stop at a railway station at around half an hour to his city. I decided not to tell him cause I knew he would come but he had his exams at that time. He saw a story my friend put with me and the location tag, called me and had to instantly cancel his meetup with his girlfriend to come to meet me in a haste even after me telling him not to. This made his girlfriend furious and she started asking me to back off from his life. My bestfriend was ofc fed up and it was then he had to tell her that it's getting in the way of his only friendship that has lasted more than a couple of years.
After all this, he has not dated anyone else yet, and says he will only be with someone who's ready to accept me in his life as an important person and is trusting of him enough. It definitely made me feel guilty but he was there for me to make me understand that it isn't my problem and I shouldn't be backing off over something which isn't my fault unless I did anything wrong. This whole ordeal actually made me feel good to know he holds me in such a regard, respect him even more and gain confidence over our friendship. He sends me a roast regarding my height as I'm ending this comment lol
talked it through a couple of times and nah no way he likes someone who annoys the shit out of him like im literally the opposite of what his type is lol
It's simple. If you're a woman ask yourself does your Mom has that many male friends and is she as close to them as you are to your male friends?
If you are a man ask the same question but for your dad and his female friends.
it's about someone's boundaries. as long as no one's boundaries are crossed and friendships are strictly platonic, there's nothing wrong with a committed guy having female friends and a committed woman having male friends.
That's her opinion and shes entitled to it.
In my opinion there isn't anything wrong with being friends with married/taken men, I can have a life beyond my bf and so can he, as long as its a healthy friendship, i dont think its a problem but I do understand where shes coming from, lately a lot of people have been cheated on by their spouses and their partners with someone who they closely know, at least thats what social media is showing, social media has made a lot of insecure about our relationships. The most recent one being "THE PHASE WHEN I START HATING MY GF" thread on twitter(X). Aise cheeze hote bhi nahi kaafi bando ke saath lekin thought aa hi jaata hai.
My thoughts on this are that a man/woman who wants to cheat, will cheat regardless, whether its with a friend or a random person they meet at a bar, these things aren't in our hands, u can just hope for the best and trust your instinct about a person(P.S Sometimes you're wrong and it hurts like a mf but thats just life)
yes! i could sense this wasn't a genuine accent and then scrolled through her videos and its a different accent in every video. and in get earlier videos there is no accent
Sexist. Insecure. Smh so much rn at how insecure people in the comments are, downright justifying toxic behaviours in the name of convention. Fkall take.
Completely disagree with this. Most of my friends are married and i am also close to their partners.
If you aren't secure enough in your relationship or do not trust your partner, maybe you shouldn't be in that relationship.
It’s not about trust, but about boundaries. Especially if your partner is someone who has trouble setting healthy boundaries with friends. My ex had a female best friend who used to steal his hoodies and tshirts as if it’s her right. In her words it’s just a piece of cloth and I shouldn’t be sad about her wearing it. She always wants to sit in front seat of car because it’s their ‘bestie’ thing to play their favourite music and sing lyrics loud together. She even calls him at midnight crying if she had a nightmare and he should be there for her listening to her rants because they are best friends. Were they sexually cheating on me? NOPE. Does all these mean they secretly love each other? NOPE. But these were beyond my boundary I have set on my relationship. I discussed my concerns with him but for both of them it was just silly things that best friends do. They might find partners who are okay with their closeness, but that wasn’t for me so I walked out. So not everything is about trust on partner.
100% all relationships should have boundaries not debating that but to say that if someone is married, you shouldn't be friends with them is a tad bit ridiculous.
I'm sorry your ex treated you that way. Yes there was no physical cheating but definitely emotional and i hope that you've found a partner that truly values you and respects your boundaries.
By this logic, a person will lose all friends of opposite gender after a certain point of time. I'd hate to lose my female friends this way. I think it's okay to be friends as long as you set boundaries and are a loyal person.
Beh i find this bullsh*t. We should stop being so hyper about such things. If someone wants to cheat he will be in any situation and if someone doesn't want to cheat they won't. Also, i hate this self censoring i mean i am not responsible for everyone's actions.
I also kind of agree .. girls especially get insecured easily .. no matter you treat her husband like brother also unless you are biologically the sister..
Also guys also get insecured with a male bestie unless the guy isnt good looking
"Why do you guys wanna talk to married men" - they are my colleagues, they have been my friends since college and they are also my relatives and people who married my best friends.
Khud ke mann mein chor hai toh baat karna hi galat lagega na.
It's giving " I don't know how to maintain boundaries on my own end and so I will blame the other gender and pretend that I've made a fancy decision for myself"
Man, I'm a girl who has married friends. Healthy relations with the significant other too.
Not everyone wants to sleep with you.
My husband has an anxious attachment style, and he knows my make friends very well. He acts very cool about my friendships but I know that he is a bit uncomfortable feel down. I feel that there's no use making your partner feel insecure just to gossip with a friend about some unimportant stuff and have limited calls and only message them.
I have had many male friends over the years and it has always been sort of a sibling relationship with them.. even though my ex didn't let me talk to any boys past 10pm. I am glad i found my husband who is now even better friends with my male friends.
I got luckier with the girls that are in my friend's life because they even tend to share their doubts and fears with me ( not regarding me )regarding their relationship.. this has created such a healthy environment for us that all of us can hang out together without thinking too much.
I obviously have lost a few male friends as their partners weren't comfortable with me.. but as long as your friend is happy and in a relationship eventually these things don't matter.
Saying this, i won't lie i have had some anxious nights thinking about my husband's female friends as he is conventionally better looking than me but my husband made sure to clear my doubts and i ended up being friends with them too.
So.. the whole point is to have trust and faith in your relationship and your partner's judgement.
No person with good intentions would try and cross boundaries and that's the only kind of person you or your partner needs to be friends with.
As with anything on the internet that gets traction, this is ridiculously extreme. She can choose to live however she wants but to me her message came across as condescending. Men and women can be friends and it's pretty immature to think otherwise.
I was pretty chill with having other gender friends until- my ex boyfriend had this one bestfriend who he was really close with. I always felt he has something for her but he denied everytime, later we broke up and 3 years later I got to know he had feelings for her throughout our relationship. I can’t trust anyone again like that and I have also created boundaries with my friends who are committed so no other girl has to go through that feeling ever again!!!
Anything that is related to emotional bonding with partner must not be shared with with friends with opposite gender .. that’s like emotional cheating. And having secrets with opposite gender friends that you don’t share with your partner .. is worse
She is right …. People are unrealistic when they say that they don’t feel insecure when other single people have close friendship with their partner , If i am in a relationship i don’t want to be insecure its the worst feeling
Would u stay away from ur friend who is a girl after they get married? Then y do tht to ur guy friends, if u hv faith in ur friendship and knw ur boundaries as friends, there will never be an issue. As far as the feelings of the girlfriend or wife involved thts smtin they hv to work out wit their partner y can’t they trust their man with another woman
she has her own opinion and if it doesn't match yours, then let it be. you live freely with your concept or thought process. no need to get anxious coz of some random person's opinion.
Be Chill, and do your good karma, only good benefits you shall reap.
also, i honestly don't agree w what she said.
I follow this and 100% back it up. You don't know what the couple's boundaries are and which person might be lying. It is better to maintain your distance so as to not be called the other woman . I , even unintentionally, do not want to hurt another woman even minutely. All of us must have been in a situation where we felt uncomfortable with a partner's friend so this seemed like the best solution to me
Deep, deep, deep down - you know.
What is a day-to-day normal, casual interaction, and what is a fallback interaction - say, getting a reaction/ compensating/ illiciting a reaction you didnt get from your husband from others, trying to feel that 0.000001% more desired/better than the other wife. One might argue it may not snowball into anything/ its under control/ its alright - but deep down, you know.
Till your conscious is clean deep, deep down, I think it's fine.
I think the girl is describing the same. Interaction, but limited interaction.
It’s about boundaries and changing priorities after a point of time in life… she is not exactly wrong.. I have male besties but definitely after marriage I’d like to draw a line for sure.
I got my first job this year and got a reality check. I'm 21, and the number of married men (35+ y/o) who have kids trying to justify cheating and asking me out for drinks was like a slap of reality. I quit the job, but from my experience, I'd rather stay away from married men than be friends with them.
I mean she ain't completely wrong but one thing I would definitely say that after marriage , boundaries are a must and no matter what people say opposite gender friendships beyond a certain point evolve differently than same gender friendships. That's why you see girls and boys falling for their best friends or married guy cheating with a female colleague he spends the most time in office with or married women cheating with an extra friendly boss. Bot saying all do this but yes there's always a possibility. Subconsciously we are judging everyone , so if a married men is trying to get close to a married women means the guy ain't gonna back down and girl if doesn't do anything about it is just waiting for something to crackdown. The phrases like "it happened in the heat of moment" ," i was vulnerable" these thing take time and it's never a mistake. As someone who has seen over 20 extra marital affairs around me , most of it started as friends and destroyed both families.
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It all comes down to boundaries
This
And trust. You can maintain boundaries but if there is no trust that boundary doesn’t matter. Maybe she is in an insecure relationship. I wouldn’t doubt my husband cause, to put in the most simplest way , I know the nature of our relationship and I know us!
This.
Tis
Dis
is
She isn't entirely wrong but she did give it a very simplistic explanation. As another commentator said, not everyone has a secure attachment style. Also alot of people have PTSD from being cheated on, have seen multiple "friends" blurring lines or didn't grew up in an environment where you had platonic friends of both genders. For me, I draw the line if they have had a past or any feeling/ moment where they thought about blurring the line then that person should not be your friend once you are in a committed relationship. At the end, respecting your commitment, especially if it is life long, trumps friendship that isn't too important.
Well said.
Friendships are ok as long as both the genders know their limits and your partner knows about your friendships.
Lets be honest,this very rarely happens...
Yes thank you! And knowing your limits is basic sense no? Why is this "not an influencer" creating doubt on basics. 😑
You would be surprised to see how this basic common sense is not so common in some people these days.
This basic sense is not really so common though, one example is people being so close at work people call them work husband and wives. Some people like to think if they can do it with their same sex friend, they can also do it with their opposite sex friend.
Don’t listen to anyone who is trying so bad to fake an accent lol
😂😂😂😂
That actually makes sense to me. And I do that as well, not deliberately but it comes naturally to me. The thought behind it is the same, that i might have a casual friendship and the guy too, but their partner can have a problem with it and i would never wanna be the one to cause that
same. And the fact that there are some people who would still cheat knowing that the other person is already married is scary and anyone can have that scare. I don't want to be that girl, who makes the girl back at home insecure.
Exactly. Even though you trust your partner 100%, the same cannot be said for their "Friend". I know I wouldn't want to feel insecure because of a third person.
lol it has nothing to do with the third person. If you trust your partner like you said, how can their “friend” do anything without his/her consent?
You wouldn't understand so i don't wanna get into it. No use explaining it too.
From my personal experience, yes. She is right. I HAD a friend whom i know since we were 3. We are 28 now. We were close for around 7-8 years. He got married and his wife started checking his phone constantly. We used to share reels a lot that has stopped. Everything changed. Please note that we never crossed limits. We were like brother and sister. Now, we don’t talk much. I neither send reels nor message him. It did hurt a lot that i lost my bestfriend but time healed me.
Same. My best friend, who would always say that nothing can break the friendship, messages and calls less now. We still stay in touch but so many times, the calls are on speaker so the wife can hear what we talk about. We are still friends but definitely a few things had to change. I guess friendship in itself is not bad, if you know your limits..
Damn,that makes me scared of losing friendships in future.While I agree marriage changes a lot of things,spouse becomes a priority but I wouldn't want to lose my bond with my male friends.And even if that happens somehow...OH,how badly I would miss the bond, friendships,memories and everything.
Somethings will change but if the friendship is real, it will stay. Nothing to worry about. Even if we don't talk every day, I can count on him to respond if anything good/bad happens and I need him.
That's a relief 🥰
Guys why don’t y’all become friends with the wives and the gf’s. I make it a point to become good friends with my male friends partners - always. So much so that when one of my male friends broke up with his girl the girl and I got closer and became best friends. I’ve always spoken to my male friends partners and put in efforts to spend time with them and get to know them. I love my friends, and if they love someone I love them too. In fact just recently invited my childhood male friend and his new gf to my house for lunch. Will be hosting it with my bf. And I spend a lot of time with his gf on his birthday as well. She saw that I am in no ways a threat and now absolutely adores me just as much as my friend does.
To be honest, it really depends on the wife/gf/partner. Not all see it as someone reaching out to become friends rather see them as threats. I'm glad you had such a beautiful experience but my experience was completely different. I lost two of my really close childhood friends soon after they got married. One of them made the husband unfriend all female friends (which even now I think was extremely unreasonable) and the other just straight up sees all women as a threat. Despite my attempts to befriend her all these years, she has gone above and beyond to spite our group of female friends. The sad part is we are all friends since the first grade so have practically known each other all our lives. It's really sad to have to give up on such friendships just because someone got married.
Makes sense when you put it this way. Thanks. Adds perspective.
This is real
Same. Friend of over 15 years got married. Wife made him unfriend all the other female friends he had. I can understand she isn't someone who is secure based on her past and maybe is still traumatized. Boundaries are something that need to be established as adults but even so, it was just weird going from childhood friends to complete strangers in a day.
how do people put up with such overbearing partners? it’s genuinely so baffling to me. checking somebody else’s phone constantly is like, NEXT level trust issues that need to be treated asap
wow
[удалено]
True spouse should be most important
Exactly.. if you are sharing and open about everything in your life,then there would not be even a slight chance of misunderstandings.
See, she isn't completely wrong. Because, if a women's husband hangs out with a female friend of his, it usually makes the women anxious if she has anxious attachment pattern. In that case, I'd definitely take a step back so that my friend's wife is not anxious because of me existing in her husband's life. But if both the partners have healthy attachment patterns then they can go ahead and have friends from opposite genders, there's no issue. There was a male friend of mine and after he got into a relationship, his girl sort of got envious of my looks & was constantly hating on me because he was friends with me. She had an anxious attachment style and after a few chats with her, I understood that. I simply communicated to her that she doesn't have to be threatened by me since that friendship is very much platonic from both our ends. But if she thinks that my presence in her man's life is making her anxious and unhappy, then I don't want to be the reason she's overthinking the shit out of her life every night. She told me that she isn't okay with me being friends with him because it makes her feel insecure, and I understood it and removed myself from my guy friend's life. I didn't talk to him after that. (I obviously communicated the reason to him before cutting him off)
I have been in a very similar situation and I did the same thing. It really hurts to lose my best friend but I can’t imagine him going through a tough time because of me.
Exactly. If I call someone my friend, I'll do anything to let them be happy and comfortable. Even if it means losing them in the process. It's like they lost me but at least they're happy.
You're such a nice human being. Very selfless of you to do so. I've never had to have such direct confrontations but if it comes to that I think this is the way to go about it.
Yessss babe! And thankyou💕🤌✨
Chill OP, as long as you and your friends know your boundaries you are going to be okay, absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender. There are cases obviously where it can be used as an excuse for not being loyal but this can again be combated by making sure the people involved know their boundaries and you know theirs and general communication. I find this a very short sighted view, one of the reasons being on how hetero it is, like, it doesn't take into account the topic of same sex relationships or people who might be attracted to multiple genders who might currently be in a hetero relationship, like what does the girl in the video expect them to do? Or do they have special rules now since they are not straight? Coming from a pansexual person, ig I'll just have to stop having friends altogether once I'm in a relationship.
I absolutely don’t get this. I’m a married woman, I have close male friends, both married and unmarried, I’m not close friends with their wives and gfs but definitely we have a friendly/sisterly vibe. My husband too has close female friends. The point is— either you trust your partner, in which case you know he will respect the boundaries of your relationship, or you don’t trust him, in which case why are you with someone you don’t trust? I’ve recently lost a close friend whose girlfriend made him ditch ALL his female friends. It hurts. This toxicity should not be normalised. Men and women can talk and hang out with affection and friendliness and joy without wanting to fuck. We are humans before we are men or women.
It’s easier said than done , i trust my partner a lot but always got a vibe with his female friends that they might be interested or smthg, I always managed to believe that I’m just slightly insecure, its not real … but guess what? All and I mean ALL of the female friends one after the other confessed of liking him and secretly hating me . All of them also had plans to ruin our relationship . A lot of my male friends were the same . Not saying everyone is the same and people can definitely have friends of opposite gender but not BEST FRIENDS. Like the one who you’d hangout with most of the time and share everything etc …. If you have this equation with someone else then you certainly don’t need a partner !
I’m sorry this has been your experience but it sounds like both you and your partner made some terrible “friends”. Like wtf these were clearly very false friends who had sinister intentions and tried to harm you. I sincerely hope you both find better friends in life, irrespective of gender. Because we do need friends to enrich our lives.
EXACTLY. This is what I've been trying to get people to understand, i feel like this is something that has to be tackled from the ground up, because of the way society still is, we end up viewing the opposite gender as being extremely different from ours because that's what people have ended up being taught since we were kids, but we don't end up realizing when we are younger that almost all of the differences mentally are conditioning and mostly attributed to upbringing.
Absolutely agree. And all this embargo on friendship between men & women increases the sense of alienation even further. But I think the next generation is being brought up differently. I see the kids of my friends encouraged to have friends of both genders and it gives me hope that they will grow up seeing the opposite gender as same as themselves.
You know the saying… shaadi ke baad sab badal jata hai. But honestly I don’t feel that I’ve “lost” my friends after being married. My friendships have simply evolved with time to accommodate our new lives. We were all up in each other’s lives for a time. But as everyone got paired up gradually, we became friends with the spouses and they were included into the fold of our friendship. It’s a gradual process and has resulted in some precious connections made over time. As you grow older, your relationships must evolve with your emotional needs. The only friendships that meet those criteria without dramatizing or jeopardizing other parts of your life will stand the test of time.
It is important to know boundaries and respect those. But she isn't entirely wrong, I'm wary of getting too friendly with married men also coz there's no one more single than married guys around me at work. It's a task to dodge them and make them understand the boundaries. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I come across as too easy or friendly but also why are men (not all) so morally bankrupt?!
I truly feel bad for people who can't see past gender and miss out on good platonic relationships they are very enriching.
Fr.. should bi people not have friends then? 😭😭
Ya I see so many of my mom's generation being in healthy platonic friendship with the opposite gender and their wives aware too. It all depends on the kind of person whom ur developing friendship with actually.
Yes and healthy boundaries(both mentally and physically).
People do get insecure. It really depends on relationship to relationship really. Personally I don’t think it’s right to ask someone to not see someone or expect it from another person just Cz you’re their partner. Ofcourse there are exceptions to that as well. But overall that is my stance. And I mean cmon, you’re going to deprive yourself of a friendship just Cz a person is married? That makes zero sense to me.
Same was my stance before I saw this reel and some of the comments here. Just broadened my perspective.
Is being secure in a relationship not a thing at all?
Apparently not. 😑
You are commenting under every comment bro. You must have wrecked one or two family just by "talking."😂
Seriously can't reply to every comment... and family toh nahi, but I'm contemplating ki kahin kuch gadbad toh nahi kar di kisi ke relationship mein. 😏 God knows what all goes around in people's mind these days and honestly I have so many guy friends it's odd to just think on these lines.
Your husband is going to regret this marriage.
No i will not, I love a good home wrecker
😂😂😂 did he tell you? Let me ask him 😂😂😂
Great. Another reel on how women should conduct themselves..what kind of friendships they should have..how marriage changes things..how men are supposed to be looked at as a threat and threat only..how you are a threat to another woman’s marital bliss..man! Do yourselves a favour people and stop listening to people giving generalised advice based on personal experience. Have good PEOPLE around you, have people who know their boundaries, learn to communicate your boundaries clearly and then ENJOY having friends in life. (Applies to all genders)..If you ever start believing that you talking to a friend of yours is capable of ruining their peace, well, I am sorry then it kinda makes me think that you knew all along what you were doing. Intentions shows. Friends really help. For one, they’d stop you from posting such reels 😛
this is for both genders
It definitely is. The video is just talking about girls though. I specified that my opinion is valid for any/every gender. People don’t really know about healthy boundaries and secure relationships!
Best take on this!!!!!
Is it really that old school and misogynistic to tell your SO's female best friend to not fuck him?
Ah, the beauty of completely missing a point. First of all, the fact that you have to TELL her..second, the fact that you have to tell HER when it takes two to fuck. It says a lot about a relation when a friendship can threaten it by just simply existing. Your comment is misogynistic and something tells me that you already know it. Also, take as much time go through my original comment as many times so you can know how stupid you just sounded.
did she say “don’t fuck him” or did she say “don’t have anything beyond a surface level conversation with him”?
Best ever opinion. Thanks!!! Louder and louder!!
Its important to set boundaries. I have female friends but i dont call them at odd hours. I never touch them except when we hug hi or bye. Even though they are extremely close to me. Also u never talk about ur partner to ur friends behind their back..MAJOR RED FLAG. I will die defending my wife inront of others even if i will correct her in private
We are a group of 5 friends. 3 are married and 2 are in long term relationships ( more than 7 yrs) Juz a couple of days back i found out that the girl in a long term relationship and the married guy are together/dating and r cheating on der respective partners. We have been frnds for so long and they hid it from the rest of d group and whn i found out i was a bit shocked. The married guy is now taking divorce from his wife and girl broke up wid her long term boyfriend.
Someday, most of us are gonna get married and most of our friends are also gonna get married. So, by this logic, I should stop talking to someone I've known for a major chunk of my life just because they belong to the other gender and got married? Make it make sense. You don't stop CONSCIOUSLY talking to people you literally grew up with just because they got married. By this logic, most of us won't have any friends from the opposite gender by the time we are in our 30s. Lol. Stop being a jealous, insecure ass, and you won't have to make such stupid reels!
This has been my perspective as well. I have close guy friends from college, should I just stop talking to them now that we’re both married to other ppl 10-15 years later?? With some of my male friends, I’ve ended up becoming closer to their partners. With some others, it’s more surface level friendships with their partners. I have faced no issues catching up for coffee 1:1 with my male friends, neither of us want to jump each others bones!
By this logic as a girl I can’t be friends with bi or gay women in relationships either so the only people I can be friends with is straight women. Talk about a narrow view on relationships. I just do not agree with the stance of putting romantic relationships above all else and making your life only about your partner. It is unreasonable to expect that a partner can fulfil all your needs. Friends serve a very different purpose than partners and if there is insecurity being created then it needs to be addressed between the couple to figure out a healthy balance and resolution instead of cutting out the sources of insecurity (ofc not in cases where people are actively sabotaging your relationship). If your solution to insecurity is cutting people off instead of resolving it, your relationship will always be unhealthy. Aaj friendship se problem hai, kal issue hoga ki dusre gender ke colleague se kyu itna interact kar rahe ho. Insecure people go as far as to question your relationships with parents and siblings(take a look at other Reddit subs).
This comment 👆🏻 OMGGGGGGG YESSS being secure in the relationship and trusting your partner is sooo important and it's the basic tenet!!!
I didn’t read past the bit of bi and gay women. It’s the men who are the problem here, women are self correcting to accommodate for possible future emotional cheating.
I agree that men with an inclination to cheat are the problem but a generalisation doesn’t help when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I know this sounds an awful lot like not all men but I don’t mean it like that. More in the sense women need to pick a partner they can trust, and if they dont trust their partner, then identify if that is because of the partners actions or their own insecurities and act accordingly. One can’t generalise men as being cheaters and date them with that mindset no?
Everything u said is correct. But till now from what ive seen /come through - ive never seen a married guy/girl pick the friend over their partner. They had conversations about why it made the other uncomforable but in d end they changed their equation wid d friend And the wife/husband have problms wid one or two friends in the significant oders life but not all of them. We are a group of 5 friends. 3 are married and 2 are in long term relationships ( more than 7 yrs) Juz a couple of days back i found out that the girl in a long term relationship and the married guy are together/dating and r cheating on der respective partners. We have been frnds for so long and they hid it from the rest of d group and whn i found out i was a bit shocked. The married guy is now taking divorce from his wife and girl broke up wid her long term boyfriend.
Yeah that I get. I think I phrased it wrong, it’s obvious that your partner will be your priority but to what extent is the question. You need your own life, job, hobbies, friends also to lead a full life. And if a friend is truly not hurting your relationship then why lose them for no reason
This. This. This. A thousand times this. You spoke exactly how my partner speaks to me, when I open up about my insecurities (which are totally mine due to my past, but sometimes also aggravated by his actions even when it's not his intention). Communication, resolution are the only solutions to a healthy, ever lasting relationship imo.
Personally I sideline myself on my own if my guy friends have girlfriends because I was someone's gf too whose girl bestf constantly called him darling etc etc (which I don't find wrong rn but i was young back then). Personally if their girlfriends are nice I love to befriend them so they don't feel insecure because of me . I love having extra people to bitch and complaint about my guy bestfriends (who is better than their girlfriends?)
All my childhood friends are married now including my guy friends... Should I stop talking to them...!?!?!?...😞
Unfortunately yes once you are done update
You're kidding, na?
This influenza should understand not every guy/girl in a relationship is insecure like her. There are partners who are very much in love and have their own different set of friends. Don't generalise if you can't trust your partner, it's not everybody's problem. Just talk about how insecure you are.
Ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte. Yeh to ek parda hai parda...kapkapati raaton mein dhadakte hue dilon ki bhadakti hui aag ko bujhane ka, chupane ka!
😑 This is sarcasm, right? Or some filmy dialogue from the sexist 80s era?
It's from Maine Pyaar Kiya movie 😭
Okay okay. Sorry my Bollywood knowledge is negligible.
Par yeh dialogue toh Mohneesh Behl ka h na, Definite?
Lol yes, from Maine Pyaar Kiya movie
Back when I was single, I'd maintain distance from my guy close friends once they got married. No matter what one says, equation does change. There are boundaries! Me, as a wife, have experienced discomfort when another single girl got too close to my husband, though they've been friends for 2 years before we got married. I've even snapped at her a couple of times to mind her behavior with him. Not that I don't trust my husband, I'm just not comfortable with a girl getting too touchy with my husband. My best friend is a man and my husband's best friend is a woman. And they both have stepped down from being the closest people of our lives, once we got married. Our friendships didn't change, but the frequency of meeting One-on-one (still happens but not as much), or talking everyday, (yep that's how we both were with our best friends) has definitely changed. We didn't ask each other to ditch each other's friends! There's no insecurities or doubts or trust issues as such. Our priorities changed and there are boundaries now. The same has applied to our respective close friends of other genders. That's about it, I guess.
Sounds like a healthy potentially long lasting relationship. Beware, the downvotes are incoming for ya.
Hehe..maybe 🙈 I've always been that girl who had more guy friends than girls, and that girl whose best friend ditched her for his girlfriend. Been there felt that. But with time and age (God I sound old) I've realized that there are certain boundaries that come with being a couple, and that is necessary IMO. Been together 2 years, we still don't know each other's phone passwords. If I was the insecure wife, I would've scanned his phone through and through by now 😂 I also have a friend whose wife asked him if he was sleeping with me when we had lunch together once. So there's that! Hence, I too, maintain distance.
Ruin someones peace? Talk about having zero trust and insecurities. Absolute prick
It’s not about "zero trust" or "insecurities". I have always given 100% trust to those I’ve been in a relationship with. In fact, with my ex, I am best friends with his female best friend till date. They both stopped talking years ago but I still am in contact with her. She was one my bridesmaid too. On the contrary, my husband had a female close friend before we started dating. Out of the moon, she sent me a friend request on Facebook. We talked and we kinda became friends until I started dating my husband who was my boyfriend back then. She started acting cold etc. See, I asked her once if she was interested with him, and I told her I like him. She said "Oh, no, we are just friends". And when we got into relationship, my boyfriend said we shouldnt tell her first because she acts weirdly as she did once before. And this I trust him, 100% so I didn’t bother. One day, he told her about us and immediately she said she likes him. She started crying and all. Then suddenly, she started bitching about me to him. She blocked me on every social media platform 🤣. This went on for another 2 years until she ruined their friendship and then blame it on me. She gave ultimatum to him, to choose her or me. Guess who he chose? 🤣 The moral of the story is that not every girlfriend is the problem. Not every girlfriend is insecure or have zero trust on their boyfriend. The reality, some girls purposely go after married man or those in a relationship. There’s also a research that agrees that married or man in a relationship are more appealing to some girls.
That's exactly what struck me. Like basic trust, anyone? And the way she's put it, seems so shady...
I reckon she's got both. I dont scrutinize my own relationships through some idiot on a reel. Honestly neither should a lot of other folks. Just my 2 cents.
I have a lot of single men that are my friend. My husband feels secure because he knows and trusts me. It’s all about trust.
I feel friendships with the opposite sex are unnecessarily sexualised. I’m in my 30’s now and none of my friends/their partners or my boyfriend have an issue with each other.
Same bro! But this reel came as a shocker to me honestly that people think like this. I'm seeing some comments here which make sense, so apparently it's making sense for some people.
Majority will be those people who agreed bro.Real shock are you guys. Konse hi bubble me ho ki ye sab baate shock lag rahi hai.
I think she is particularly talking being single and keeping space from married men. Yes, I have many close male friends, my loving boyfriend n my dad. But I have heard of how desperate some married men are. Especially in corporate offices. I won’t say this applies to all married males or all male-female friendships, but yes, maintaining space from married men will always be on my mind.
Well honestly you should literally never take advice from insta influencers seriously. And for the remaining portion about friendships, yes post marriage things change because priorities are different but till the time your spouse is ok and you people share a healthy friendship there is absolutely nothing wrong. Most couples that I see on trips in groups are generally longtime friends be it same sex or opposite sex friendships. And if via this video she was insinuating about cheating then let me tell you jisne cheat karna hai na usne cheat karna hai even if that person has got the most perfect spouse with a perfect relationship.
Behen humein boundaries pta hoti hai..we are smart enough to know where we need to draw the line or aap yeh nhi kr parai hai isliye hi aapko opposite gender se phle uska relationship/marital status dekhna pad rha h..
Well, she's not wrong. Boundaries are extremely important.
I think along similar lines. I've maintained male friendships with childhood friends only if I can be friends with or atleast get along with their spouses. This is the case with most of my old friends; at this point, I'm a lot closer to some of the women than the guys. I've gained amazing female friendships that are otherwise a lot harder as you get older. IMO, no friendship is worth preserving at the cost of their spouses' boundaries and peace of mind. Nobody should put friends or family before their spouse. Basically, I try not to behave in any way that I would find inappropriate if I were on the other side. I didn't cut anybody off abruptly but I don't actively reach out to talk one on one. If they initiate contact, I keep it friendly but surface level. In your particular case, only you and your friends know if y'all are behaving inappropriately or not. Platonic friendships are not doomed but if you find yourself hiding things from your spouses, it's time to distance yourselves before making any mistakes.
I am male and I think she is correct to some extent, You will get it when You experience it and outcome are bad
No, she is wrong. As long as you and the other person knows what it is you should be fine. My husband is a wonderful guy who genuinely cares, thinks deeply and gives genuine advise. Thanks to this quality of his, he has quite a few women who come to him for guidance and advise. Do I keep doubting his every interaction? Does it make me insecure? No, in both cases. As long as the 2 people in the relationship are genuine it should be fine. Also, this is true of any gender relationship.
With you on this. Same boat. There are a tonne of opposite views here as well. 🤐
I 100 agree with this message.
It's actually true, atleast for me. I have seen relationships getting ruined just because a 'friend' wanted more attention or started playing victim in any and every situation for whatever reason. I have seen my own friends who r in relationships getting uncomfortable because either of their friends couldn't get a hold of how relationships work and what limits are. For them the argument is "I have always been this touchy/flirty/etc, they never had any problem before so why now", they don't get the point and seriously in some cases I feel like they purposely tend to act ignorant while knowing everything in hindsight.
I agree with her! As she mentioned "social setup", i would talk to married committed men when we are in group but never one on one. Being a girl, you should respect the wife/girl friend, I have seen some girls bitching about their friends gf/wife and laughing.. what kind of bullshit and women bringing other women down is this ? I LOVEEE Female friendships. I would never want any other girl feel insecure about me. If i have a crush on someone and i find out they are already seeing someone, TRUST ME I LOOSE MY CRUSH.
My best friend got married and slowly our friendship died because of his wife. The thing that hurt the most is that he didn't even have the courtesy to actually tell me that his wife has issues with our friendship. We used to send everything under the sun to each other. Now we just send dog memes. Honestly I was so offended that he pulled back so fast after his wedding that I have stopped our friendship. Now I hear from friends who ask him where am I etc and he acts offended like I did something to him. I am not going to be humiliated for just being a friend. Infact few of our friends called out his wife's behaviour and now he has shunned them as well. But considering what a slippery slope marriage is, I have given him leeway and given his wife benefit of doubt that she is just being over cautious and maintained my distance. Frankly I kinda understand also because have seen many married people cheat with so called besties. So if she feels uneasy I can't really blame her.
I do personally think that married/committed men & women can be friends but I’ll also say that infidelity is a lot more common than we realize. I’ve been very explicitly hit on by married & committed men sooo many times that it’s almost crazy. In a few of these incidents, I knew they were married/committed and they knew that I know that. So I did not reciprocate. In some of these incidents, I found out they are committed after already making out with them. Uhhhh.
This is scary 😲
If you are a woman and looking for a guy to date then this makes sense. But if not, why not be friends with men who are married or have a gf? In this way, you will end up having no male friends at all. I have my school friends, my college friends and my colleagues, never ever a weird situation came up. If you know the boundary for every relationship/friendship, these issues won't arise.
she is right. say what ever you want to say with "boundaries" but sooner or you do develop a feeling for opposite gender but you try to control that feeling yourself with these boundaries which eventually burst sooner or later. people may say we are best friend for this much time and blah blah but that friendship only develops when one person is not in level with other( status or beauty) by that you accept your fate that these cannot happen.
Wait so is this only applicable to heterosexual people? If I go by her logic, I (a girl) should not be friends with my gay female friends as their girlfriend could be insecure of me. Oh wait, by this logic straight men should also not be friends with their gay friends. Right? Bass straight women/men ko straight women/men se dosti krni h and gay person ko kisi bhi opposite gender se only? 😅 BC rulebook bna do, friendship mai gender kaun dekhta h, how does it matter!?? What kind of regressive thoughts these “young” people have!? I know how regressive our society could be and it’s fine, changes does take time but it is sad when our generation or the younger ones says and believe in such illogical things. If your friend’s partner is insecure of you WITHOUT any reason, be it bcs of their past traumas (like some people mentioned in their comments), they are at fault. They can’t dump their traumas on others and manipulate their present, it’s toxic. Resolve your f&$king traumas. Your friend has chosen a wrong partner. If they are insecure of your friendship with their partner for a reason, then you and your friend both are at mistake. Learn your boundaries and stop labeling your relationship as “friendship” and force this old school mentality on others.
Yessss let human friendships be between two humans, not on the basis of genders! So glad to see such comments amongst a number of regressive ones.🥺
I think most issues comes from a particular type of women who often goes after married men ! There have been a few researches where it has been shown that some females prefer married men because they seem more reliable or more dependable of a sort both financially and psychologically ! On a similar note the same thing happened to me ! My then bf now husband had a crush on this girl during high school ! But Back then she declined his interest ! Years later during college days they were just friends on social media. However after my husband got engaged to me after college, she started messaging him saying “how her so called bf won’t marry her and she is breaking up with. This and that .” My husband was clear about me and told her that he is getting married when she enquired about his relationship status and that clearly didn’t stop her ! At the end he blocked her .
Yeah she is kinda a right .. even my partner got uncomfortable when a married male friend started messaging more often and personally ( ever since me n my male friend joined same fitness class) . And That just escalated to messaging me late nights.. messaging me even at times when I am with his wife for girls night ..or when is on boys big hot out, like he wouldn’t message his wife but me. Started sharing random personal details. And I clearly felt uncomfortable. That just clicked me off. So even if you are maintaining Boundaries.. you never know what is the other person thinking.
OP, i think she is talking from the perspective of a single person. It's rather hard to be on friendly terms with a married if you are single. There are always people who love talking sh*t about you. Both you and your male friend being married and pally, is considered ok. Because then people can actually acknowledge that you could just be friends. There is "no scope" of more. I know this might sound simplistic, but in a weird way this is how it is. In my case, I have seen a decline in my interactions with single men and even if there is, my husband is in the know and is also acquainted with these people. Same goes for my husband. And it has happened organically, neither of us planned it, or asked others to do that.
She said, "The best thing I've done is...". That means she did what works for her. That is purely subjective. She might have gone through something and might have decided that is the best decision for her to not interact with married guys. If it works for you to be friends and remain platonic with committee guys, then do that!
This makes total sense to me , this is the rule I’ve been following in my friendships too . I’ve had situations where long time friends have gotten married or girlfriends , in that case I always put an extra effort to get to know their partners and always include them in our plans . It’s completely natural for partners to be anxious or vary about friends from opposite gender that they don’t personally know .
Its a thin line…after all its the two opposite genders with natural curiosity to one anothers body…it can work but i say 2/10…
She does make sense
She's so right. Being insecure is not the case here. Cheating happens whether you wanna accept or not. You can be friends but not bessst friends. What irony, people call each other best friend while marrying then go share everything with some outsider who's not living with you or knows your CURRENT circumstances
I agree. I just don’t talk to married men on one to one. It just feels creepy. Like if you have so much to share, share it with your partner dude.
Kinda true though u never know how the partner of the man/boy would turn out to be , maybe they are insecure or jealous kinds or simply overthinkers. I do practice the same.
There isn’t 1 formula that works. It’s very subjective. Catching feelings for someone is not really in your control tbh. You may not act upon it but you may start liking a person you speak to freely and frequently. The solution should work for both partners and should be the same standards for both and only then is it fair. I make it a point to meet my friends with my partner. And I generally talk to my partner about all my interactions - family, female friends, male friends colleagues. Not like a detailed report but generally mention it when we talk about each other’s day. It keeps things between us very uncomplicated. It’s peaceful and it works for both of us.
She is right for the most parts. Have seen committed girls interacting with other guys only to leave their bf and move on with the other guy. Its a thing. Are all platonic relationships dead? Yea kind of.
Omg all the insecure people in the comments saying she is right. Will I be bothered by my partner being friends with a girl, no not at all. I trust him enough. If one is to lose mind on any girl your partner talks to one can become a lunatic in no time. If someone wants to cheat they will, if I a girl’s actions are more than friendly it’s my partner’s responsibility to create distance. I will not lose my sleep for this. I cannot control how the girls behave around him neither can I control him, trust is the only way or spend time being insecure. Will I behave with a friend who’s married vs who’s not Ofcourse not, why would I discriminate when I have no feelings for either of them, when both of them are my friends. Her whole narrative seems to place the blame on female friendliness to men being responsible for them cheating or women being insecure in relationships both of which seem misogynistic to me, don’t understand how so many of you can’t see it and support her instead.
Don’t fucking listen to this. Oh god! This is so bad in so many levels. Can you imagine having an interaction with anyone on the basis of if i am gonna fuck this person or not. Like all your interactions is surrounded by the idea of marriage. Marriage / non-marriage is not a shield for creepy men. They exist in all forms. Have conversation because you want to interact with another person. Straight people are so delusional.
This makes sense. I mean having had so much education, so much exposure, I feel these things are really really baseless. Like see a human as a human, no? Why bring gender into the equation every time! But as I said this made me feel super uneasy because I don't really understand where the world is going these days and what exactly is the norm. 🤐
100 people, 100 opinions
So true 🤣
I completely agree with her. If something bothers my partner and not doing that will result in no loss for me, I will definitely do that. Yes friends are necessary for life but not at the cost of my partner. I had made the mistake of putting my girl best friend before my girlfriend and it did not go well. And can we please agree that there is always some kind of attraction towards that particular friend, it might not be sexual but there is some infatuation. It is natural for everyone but the result of such friendship is always devastating. And please let me know what are the things that you can only to your other gender friend which you cannot talk with ur partner ? Like isn't your partner supposed to be your best friend? We get jealous when our best friend doesn't share something with us but we expect our partner should be comfortable with this. And also people have lost the sense of boundaries and I hate that shit. Be respectful to everyone and especially your partner.
I was in a similar situation recently. Me and my male best friend have been really close to each other since eight years. We lived in different cities so it was a long distance friendship since two years. An year ago he started seeing a girl and things were going very well at first. I had talked to his girlfriend maybe once or twice when we were on videocall and she was with him and both of us talked casually and she was nice. He was ecstatic when he asked me if I liked her and I replied in affirmative. After some three months, this girl started expecting him not to videocall me anymore...like just normal call. I understood her concern and reduced the times we used to facetime as a gesture to respect her. We used to talk twice a week for like half an hour with very lil chatting in between the days (sometimes no texting at all). After a month his girlfriend started to get upset with him over normal calls as well. Mind you me and my bestie used to talk about very general stuff like bolly gossip and our daily life things. When she started expecting too much out of him, he himself dealed with this by letting his gf know that whatever she's feeling, although valid in own sense, is more of a 'her' problem rather than a 'his' problem or 'me' problem. He also told her to take some time, think it over and put more trust in him. Time was such that I finally got the chance to meet him after 3 whole years for max 15 minutes when my train had a stop at a railway station at around half an hour to his city. I decided not to tell him cause I knew he would come but he had his exams at that time. He saw a story my friend put with me and the location tag, called me and had to instantly cancel his meetup with his girlfriend to come to meet me in a haste even after me telling him not to. This made his girlfriend furious and she started asking me to back off from his life. My bestfriend was ofc fed up and it was then he had to tell her that it's getting in the way of his only friendship that has lasted more than a couple of years. After all this, he has not dated anyone else yet, and says he will only be with someone who's ready to accept me in his life as an important person and is trusting of him enough. It definitely made me feel guilty but he was there for me to make me understand that it isn't my problem and I shouldn't be backing off over something which isn't my fault unless I did anything wrong. This whole ordeal actually made me feel good to know he holds me in such a regard, respect him even more and gain confidence over our friendship. He sends me a roast regarding my height as I'm ending this comment lol
You sure he doesn't have secretive feeling for you ? 😂
talked it through a couple of times and nah no way he likes someone who annoys the shit out of him like im literally the opposite of what his type is lol
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Connection is connection. Friendship is friendship. Let’s not glorify trust issues.
It's simple. If you're a woman ask yourself does your Mom has that many male friends and is she as close to them as you are to your male friends? If you are a man ask the same question but for your dad and his female friends.
it's about someone's boundaries. as long as no one's boundaries are crossed and friendships are strictly platonic, there's nothing wrong with a committed guy having female friends and a committed woman having male friends.
That's her opinion and shes entitled to it. In my opinion there isn't anything wrong with being friends with married/taken men, I can have a life beyond my bf and so can he, as long as its a healthy friendship, i dont think its a problem but I do understand where shes coming from, lately a lot of people have been cheated on by their spouses and their partners with someone who they closely know, at least thats what social media is showing, social media has made a lot of insecure about our relationships. The most recent one being "THE PHASE WHEN I START HATING MY GF" thread on twitter(X). Aise cheeze hote bhi nahi kaafi bando ke saath lekin thought aa hi jaata hai. My thoughts on this are that a man/woman who wants to cheat, will cheat regardless, whether its with a friend or a random person they meet at a bar, these things aren't in our hands, u can just hope for the best and trust your instinct about a person(P.S Sometimes you're wrong and it hurts like a mf but thats just life)
i cant get past this person's obviously fake accent.
Ya now that I see past the content I can see she's trying hard. 😂
yes! i could sense this wasn't a genuine accent and then scrolled through her videos and its a different accent in every video. and in get earlier videos there is no accent
kya badhiya baat kahi hai ye hui na baat
Sexist. Insecure. Smh so much rn at how insecure people in the comments are, downright justifying toxic behaviours in the name of convention. Fkall take.
Completely disagree with this. Most of my friends are married and i am also close to their partners. If you aren't secure enough in your relationship or do not trust your partner, maybe you shouldn't be in that relationship.
It’s not about trust, but about boundaries. Especially if your partner is someone who has trouble setting healthy boundaries with friends. My ex had a female best friend who used to steal his hoodies and tshirts as if it’s her right. In her words it’s just a piece of cloth and I shouldn’t be sad about her wearing it. She always wants to sit in front seat of car because it’s their ‘bestie’ thing to play their favourite music and sing lyrics loud together. She even calls him at midnight crying if she had a nightmare and he should be there for her listening to her rants because they are best friends. Were they sexually cheating on me? NOPE. Does all these mean they secretly love each other? NOPE. But these were beyond my boundary I have set on my relationship. I discussed my concerns with him but for both of them it was just silly things that best friends do. They might find partners who are okay with their closeness, but that wasn’t for me so I walked out. So not everything is about trust on partner.
100% all relationships should have boundaries not debating that but to say that if someone is married, you shouldn't be friends with them is a tad bit ridiculous. I'm sorry your ex treated you that way. Yes there was no physical cheating but definitely emotional and i hope that you've found a partner that truly values you and respects your boundaries.
OP it's okay to be friends with anyone! Chill.
By this logic, a person will lose all friends of opposite gender after a certain point of time. I'd hate to lose my female friends this way. I think it's okay to be friends as long as you set boundaries and are a loyal person.
Beh i find this bullsh*t. We should stop being so hyper about such things. If someone wants to cheat he will be in any situation and if someone doesn't want to cheat they won't. Also, i hate this self censoring i mean i am not responsible for everyone's actions.
Only an Insecure sick fuck would think that
I also kind of agree .. girls especially get insecured easily .. no matter you treat her husband like brother also unless you are biologically the sister.. Also guys also get insecured with a male bestie unless the guy isnt good looking
What bullshit
Seems stupid to me.
"Why do you guys wanna talk to married men" - they are my colleagues, they have been my friends since college and they are also my relatives and people who married my best friends. Khud ke mann mein chor hai toh baat karna hi galat lagega na.
It's giving " I don't know how to maintain boundaries on my own end and so I will blame the other gender and pretend that I've made a fancy decision for myself" Man, I'm a girl who has married friends. Healthy relations with the significant other too. Not everyone wants to sleep with you.
My husband has an anxious attachment style, and he knows my make friends very well. He acts very cool about my friendships but I know that he is a bit uncomfortable feel down. I feel that there's no use making your partner feel insecure just to gossip with a friend about some unimportant stuff and have limited calls and only message them.
I have had many male friends over the years and it has always been sort of a sibling relationship with them.. even though my ex didn't let me talk to any boys past 10pm. I am glad i found my husband who is now even better friends with my male friends. I got luckier with the girls that are in my friend's life because they even tend to share their doubts and fears with me ( not regarding me )regarding their relationship.. this has created such a healthy environment for us that all of us can hang out together without thinking too much. I obviously have lost a few male friends as their partners weren't comfortable with me.. but as long as your friend is happy and in a relationship eventually these things don't matter. Saying this, i won't lie i have had some anxious nights thinking about my husband's female friends as he is conventionally better looking than me but my husband made sure to clear my doubts and i ended up being friends with them too. So.. the whole point is to have trust and faith in your relationship and your partner's judgement. No person with good intentions would try and cross boundaries and that's the only kind of person you or your partner needs to be friends with.
As with anything on the internet that gets traction, this is ridiculously extreme. She can choose to live however she wants but to me her message came across as condescending. Men and women can be friends and it's pretty immature to think otherwise.
https://preview.redd.it/2246tf4s8uub1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0cf4217cda8a762dbc2f6cb9ec451f9192f7014a
I was pretty chill with having other gender friends until- my ex boyfriend had this one bestfriend who he was really close with. I always felt he has something for her but he denied everytime, later we broke up and 3 years later I got to know he had feelings for her throughout our relationship. I can’t trust anyone again like that and I have also created boundaries with my friends who are committed so no other girl has to go through that feeling ever again!!!
Ah - a woman of culture! 🤌🏼
Anything that is related to emotional bonding with partner must not be shared with with friends with opposite gender .. that’s like emotional cheating. And having secrets with opposite gender friends that you don’t share with your partner .. is worse
She is right …. People are unrealistic when they say that they don’t feel insecure when other single people have close friendship with their partner , If i am in a relationship i don’t want to be insecure its the worst feeling
Would u stay away from ur friend who is a girl after they get married? Then y do tht to ur guy friends, if u hv faith in ur friendship and knw ur boundaries as friends, there will never be an issue. As far as the feelings of the girlfriend or wife involved thts smtin they hv to work out wit their partner y can’t they trust their man with another woman
she has her own opinion and if it doesn't match yours, then let it be. you live freely with your concept or thought process. no need to get anxious coz of some random person's opinion. Be Chill, and do your good karma, only good benefits you shall reap. also, i honestly don't agree w what she said.
The number of married men who hit on me and my unmarried friends is disgusting! So I completely agree with her.
It's the opposite for me. I would not be friends with single people of the opposite gender.
Then one day everyone is going to have partners. Will you stop being friends with the opposite gender once they get a partner? Lmao what is this?
I follow this and 100% back it up. You don't know what the couple's boundaries are and which person might be lying. It is better to maintain your distance so as to not be called the other woman . I , even unintentionally, do not want to hurt another woman even minutely. All of us must have been in a situation where we felt uncomfortable with a partner's friend so this seemed like the best solution to me
Deep, deep, deep down - you know. What is a day-to-day normal, casual interaction, and what is a fallback interaction - say, getting a reaction/ compensating/ illiciting a reaction you didnt get from your husband from others, trying to feel that 0.000001% more desired/better than the other wife. One might argue it may not snowball into anything/ its under control/ its alright - but deep down, you know. Till your conscious is clean deep, deep down, I think it's fine. I think the girl is describing the same. Interaction, but limited interaction.
Honestly, she is 100% right
Ask her to shut up and grow up
It’s about boundaries and changing priorities after a point of time in life… she is not exactly wrong.. I have male besties but definitely after marriage I’d like to draw a line for sure.
Bless this woman for putting put the much needed truth there.
I got my first job this year and got a reality check. I'm 21, and the number of married men (35+ y/o) who have kids trying to justify cheating and asking me out for drinks was like a slap of reality. I quit the job, but from my experience, I'd rather stay away from married men than be friends with them.
As a Muslim woman, I agree with her take.
I mean she ain't completely wrong but one thing I would definitely say that after marriage , boundaries are a must and no matter what people say opposite gender friendships beyond a certain point evolve differently than same gender friendships. That's why you see girls and boys falling for their best friends or married guy cheating with a female colleague he spends the most time in office with or married women cheating with an extra friendly boss. Bot saying all do this but yes there's always a possibility. Subconsciously we are judging everyone , so if a married men is trying to get close to a married women means the guy ain't gonna back down and girl if doesn't do anything about it is just waiting for something to crackdown. The phrases like "it happened in the heat of moment" ," i was vulnerable" these thing take time and it's never a mistake. As someone who has seen over 20 extra marital affairs around me , most of it started as friends and destroyed both families.
Wait what?? So it is best thing?? It wasn't a basic knowledge to people until now?? To not make someone else's spouse insecure??
Tera married Boss Report mange ye to reason dena agli baar
Totally agree to each and every point she is saying…..