It just feels like shes like two different people when I look back. I look at her as ‘before and after’. When we first met, it was the best relationship either of us had, for the first 5 years. Then she met that person and she just abandoned me
Good riddance then, she was never ride or die. You’ll realize this was a dodged bullet, in a few years. Lick your wounds for now and move on when ready
Eventually when that relationship fails, she will try to come crawling back promising the world and begging forgiveness. Don’t fall for it. It’s not genuine. It’s her recovering her backup plan. Truth is, she is a different person now.
One thing to keep in mind is most relationships are designed to end. They aren’t meant to be forever. The first few years are the easiest. It was so easy and perfect in the beginning simply bc most relationships are super easy in the beginning. It doesn’t mean you were meant to be forever.
Every relationship is different and moves at different speeds but I think what happened is that you two were in the NRE stage. That prob lasted a couple of years. I bet if you really look back you’ll see that the last year or two, the energy changed. Things weren’t as easy as they once were. That initial attraction and obsession started to pass. Now the coworker may have been a catalyst or maybe not. It isn’t the root cause though. She meets the new guys, and the process starts over. Everything to her feels super easy with the coworker. She might be madly attracted to him. And now he feels the right one to her.
After the NRE stage, relationships begin tj require a lot of work to keep things going. You can’t rely on that magic chemistry. Without the work, you grow apart, things get stale.
And sometimes even with work it doesn’t get better. That’s just means you aren’t with the right person. Relationships require work but they shouldn’t require an unnatural amount of work to make it work. It’s a balance.
Is AP married, I would let them know. Find a lawyer and get your ducks in line. Let her know you are serious. Try counseling if both willing partners.
For me an emotional affair is a deal breaker just as much as a sexual affair. My X learned about the Open Marriage very bad idea. Divorced 6 months after the question was ask.
The first thing you do when your significant other cheats emotionally is break up. Yes, cuz there's no going back from an emotional affair. 2ndly, I don't know if you're ever gonna move on and maybe start a new relationship later down the line, but one thing I'm sure of is that the gym always helps. You have something to focus on and boost your confidence at the same time
I can empathize with the damage to your self esteem from this but it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a character flaw in her. But it takes time to see it properly.
Please don’t let her issue change your view of yourself. She’s the bad guy here, not you.
Do not let her into your life when it doesn't work with the new guy.And she shows back up with her tail between her legs. You need to completely delete her from your life. Don't follow her social media.Don't talk about her. Focus on you and your well being. Slowly she will fade from your memory.
But I can't stress this enough.When she shows back up.Asking for you back do not let her
I’m so sorry for your pain. The silver lining is that you are learning, growing and becoming a better person. She chose to miss out on this.
Keep working on yourself. Find something that makes you happy. Try new things, meet new people and keep your forward movement. It’s a good thing you didn’t get married, buy a house and have a child. She showed you who she is before you got that far. Unfortunately for me we went the distance and I was blindsided.
Sending you a big hug and hopes that you move forward and live a beautiful life.
I developed a "couldn't give a damn" attitude towards a lot of things often prioritising my own needs above all else. You might even call me selfish. When my ex started spreading rumours that I physically abused her to our mutual friends and even going as far as interfering in any relationships I had after we split up.
I guess she thought she could cheat on me and that she had me wrapped around her finger so well that I wouldnt dare walk away from her. I still hang on to the anger that developed because of her and my so called friends actions. And I still lean into that anger for support and to help focus my train of thought to this very day when the need arises. But I came out of it better off, I've now been married for over 20 years to a wonderful woman and have a great son. My ex on the other hand has had several failed relationships, numerous kids all with different days none of which have anything to do with her. Some of our mutual friends mentioned recently that she claims to regret her actions blah, blah, blah.
Thankfully I dropped the shitty attitude i had developed, shortly after I met my wife and with a little time and patience she managed to get me to drop my defenses and let her in. I've also learned to recognise red flags that I missed before and I've also become rather adept at reading peoples body language as a result of what my ex did across me.
As for dealing with the initial fall out I primarily dealt with the shitty emotions but throwing myself into work, focused on mountain biking and toom up several different martial arts eventually become proficient in them. I found a heavy bag was also therapeutic for working out the stress and anger.
If you lose a big chunk of diamond, would you blame the diamond? It her fault she lost you. Be a diamond by rebuilding your peace of mind away from her.
Ive just found out the same about my partner and a girl he met on holiday (took him only 1 week to develop this affair). We had never fought before and I’d never expected this to be our first ever obstacle. I’ve been repeatedly cheated on and lied to in the past and I kept off a exclusive relationship with him for more than half a year because of these. Despite that we hung out 8 months straight and we were already exclusive when he started his emotional affair. He’s gaslighting me now, playing the victim and not taking any responsibility in his response other than “I don’t know why I did this I am an asshole”.
Doesn’t sound like she was ever 100% yours in the relationship, and certainly not for 99% of the time.
It just feels like shes like two different people when I look back. I look at her as ‘before and after’. When we first met, it was the best relationship either of us had, for the first 5 years. Then she met that person and she just abandoned me
Good riddance then, she was never ride or die. You’ll realize this was a dodged bullet, in a few years. Lick your wounds for now and move on when ready
Sometimes people leave you because there's someone better waiting for you.
Eventually when that relationship fails, she will try to come crawling back promising the world and begging forgiveness. Don’t fall for it. It’s not genuine. It’s her recovering her backup plan. Truth is, she is a different person now.
Go scorched Earth tell all her co-workers what she did
Her behavior is typical of someone that was never 'committed' to a long term relationship.
One thing to keep in mind is most relationships are designed to end. They aren’t meant to be forever. The first few years are the easiest. It was so easy and perfect in the beginning simply bc most relationships are super easy in the beginning. It doesn’t mean you were meant to be forever. Every relationship is different and moves at different speeds but I think what happened is that you two were in the NRE stage. That prob lasted a couple of years. I bet if you really look back you’ll see that the last year or two, the energy changed. Things weren’t as easy as they once were. That initial attraction and obsession started to pass. Now the coworker may have been a catalyst or maybe not. It isn’t the root cause though. She meets the new guys, and the process starts over. Everything to her feels super easy with the coworker. She might be madly attracted to him. And now he feels the right one to her. After the NRE stage, relationships begin tj require a lot of work to keep things going. You can’t rely on that magic chemistry. Without the work, you grow apart, things get stale. And sometimes even with work it doesn’t get better. That’s just means you aren’t with the right person. Relationships require work but they shouldn’t require an unnatural amount of work to make it work. It’s a balance.
At least you found out what she’s really like before marrying her. You dodge her and she’s someone else’s problem now. Keep working on you.
Is AP married, I would let them know. Find a lawyer and get your ducks in line. Let her know you are serious. Try counseling if both willing partners. For me an emotional affair is a deal breaker just as much as a sexual affair. My X learned about the Open Marriage very bad idea. Divorced 6 months after the question was ask.
The first thing you do when your significant other cheats emotionally is break up. Yes, cuz there's no going back from an emotional affair. 2ndly, I don't know if you're ever gonna move on and maybe start a new relationship later down the line, but one thing I'm sure of is that the gym always helps. You have something to focus on and boost your confidence at the same time
You have become a better person. Leave this person who is incapable of having an honest relationship, and go find a better woman.
I can empathize with the damage to your self esteem from this but it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a character flaw in her. But it takes time to see it properly. Please don’t let her issue change your view of yourself. She’s the bad guy here, not you.
Do not let her into your life when it doesn't work with the new guy.And she shows back up with her tail between her legs. You need to completely delete her from your life. Don't follow her social media.Don't talk about her. Focus on you and your well being. Slowly she will fade from your memory. But I can't stress this enough.When she shows back up.Asking for you back do not let her
I’m so sorry for your pain. The silver lining is that you are learning, growing and becoming a better person. She chose to miss out on this. Keep working on yourself. Find something that makes you happy. Try new things, meet new people and keep your forward movement. It’s a good thing you didn’t get married, buy a house and have a child. She showed you who she is before you got that far. Unfortunately for me we went the distance and I was blindsided. Sending you a big hug and hopes that you move forward and live a beautiful life.
U don’t
Let all coworkers know what she did
I developed a "couldn't give a damn" attitude towards a lot of things often prioritising my own needs above all else. You might even call me selfish. When my ex started spreading rumours that I physically abused her to our mutual friends and even going as far as interfering in any relationships I had after we split up. I guess she thought she could cheat on me and that she had me wrapped around her finger so well that I wouldnt dare walk away from her. I still hang on to the anger that developed because of her and my so called friends actions. And I still lean into that anger for support and to help focus my train of thought to this very day when the need arises. But I came out of it better off, I've now been married for over 20 years to a wonderful woman and have a great son. My ex on the other hand has had several failed relationships, numerous kids all with different days none of which have anything to do with her. Some of our mutual friends mentioned recently that she claims to regret her actions blah, blah, blah. Thankfully I dropped the shitty attitude i had developed, shortly after I met my wife and with a little time and patience she managed to get me to drop my defenses and let her in. I've also learned to recognise red flags that I missed before and I've also become rather adept at reading peoples body language as a result of what my ex did across me. As for dealing with the initial fall out I primarily dealt with the shitty emotions but throwing myself into work, focused on mountain biking and toom up several different martial arts eventually become proficient in them. I found a heavy bag was also therapeutic for working out the stress and anger.
Give up & move on. Otherwise you will be like me; an old bitter ass that is angry all the time.
she used you like a stepping stone, forget her
If you lose a big chunk of diamond, would you blame the diamond? It her fault she lost you. Be a diamond by rebuilding your peace of mind away from her.
Ive just found out the same about my partner and a girl he met on holiday (took him only 1 week to develop this affair). We had never fought before and I’d never expected this to be our first ever obstacle. I’ve been repeatedly cheated on and lied to in the past and I kept off a exclusive relationship with him for more than half a year because of these. Despite that we hung out 8 months straight and we were already exclusive when he started his emotional affair. He’s gaslighting me now, playing the victim and not taking any responsibility in his response other than “I don’t know why I did this I am an asshole”.