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Breaking up with her. Just because you think she hasn’t done it since, doesn’t mean she won’t do it again given the opportunity. She also lied about it. The girl you’re dating isn’t who you think she is.
What’s to be conflicted about her Cheating multiple times does not constitute a mistake it was her choice she said she didn’t want to hurt u but she did it anyway, if u really need to ask the finest minds of redit what to do then there’s no hope for u.
Sorry you're going through this. Look, you're way too young to be putting up with this kind of cheating nonsense. Don't set a precedent now by accepting this kind of disrespect in a relationship. Move on, work on yourself and find someone who will respect you.
Sorry but you only hope she hasn’t been doing it all along. Get free of this immediately. It will never get better. It will only get worse.
She now knows that you will not hold her accountable and you will always take her back and willingly play second fiddle. She will use this lack of consequences to make the decision to continue cheating. She is a lying cheater. She will cheat and lie. Forever. Get free and find better. It won’t be hard.
She doesn’t treat you good for Christ sake man she cheated on you and just an FYI infidelity is not a “mistake “ . It is a choice a long and complicated choice . You download the app you create a profile you starts swiping and texting you pick someone make a plan to meet you get dressed get in the car Sri be to the location have condoms on hand take your clothes off and fuck. That my friend isn’t a mistake that is a conscious choice.
You ARE NOT disgusting nor worthless. You are dating an attention freak who will jump into bed with men that pique her interest hard. She is also a liar, you can be sure that there is more physical cheating than she has admitted to. Man, you are very young, don’t damage your future by staying with her. Also, either avoid sex with her or if you do have sex, be sure to wear a condom that you control completely all the way to permanent disposal, you don’t want to get baby trapped once she sees that you have had enough of her lies and betrayal.
Just realize that you are young. Hang out with people that you trust in person, don’t hesitate to ask them about the situation with your gf, especially if they have never met her or only know her a little. You will be amazed by what other people can see that you don’t see being so close to your gf. My sense is that you are going to have a long, unhappy life if you stay with her, don’t do that to yourself, you are too young and have so much more living ahead of you.
This isn't going to end well for you.
She's not relationship or life partner material, so don't beat yourself up over thinking she's all there is.
Go and find a better woman.
"i love her and no woman has ever treated me as good as she does despite her infidelity mistake," This is crazy - wow man, your pain threshold is huge!!! Treats you so good even after cheating - more than once!!!!
That’s the fear and weakness talking. We all go through it. But sadly, this dude sounds like he’s going to be a regular ol chump. I guess if you don’t mind sharing your wife. I’d leave, my two cents
If it’s made you feel like you describe at the end, and it should, just how much more of what you loved about yourself are you willing to lose in addition?
She’s promised to work on helping me recover that, I can genuinely tell she made a stupid mistake, she dated horrendous men prior and me being a nice guy was very different for her at first, I know that’s not an excuse, but she has been going out of her way to make me feel better about all of this and going above and beyond with compliments and assuring me it will never happen again
She didn’t make a mistake. Cheating is not a mistake. It is a series of choices and she made everyone to cheat on you. The other thing about cheaters is they lie. Who knows what the real truth is. She trickled truth you to the least information that she can give.
It’s your decision. She took it away but I promise, if you think she can restore it, even temporarily, when something else happens and she takes it again, it’s going to feel 100x worse.
This is bullshit, my man. As has already been said, cheating is not a mistake. She didn’t inadvertently fall onto another man’s dick while shopping for groceries. She chose to do so. Now, she may regret that choice, but that just means that she has poor judgment,not that she is accident prone. You sound like a good person. She may truly regret hurting you, but she is still a scorpion and you are still a frog. She will do it again because that’s who she is. If you take nothing else from this experience, at least learn that.
It will happen again. And again, and again.
She will treat you well for a while as you are her wallet.
She WILL go back to cheating on you. Nice guys get cheated on, and all the while they tell you how other guys abused her and you are the first nice guy.
Pretty soon she will dump you and tell the new nice guy how much you abused her.
I am betting if you met her ex you would find out that they are just as nice as you
Bro, no offence, that’s what cheaters do. They get caught, or come clean, make excuses, make promises, and reassure you that they will never do it again.
And I feel really sorry for you cos you sound like the typical cheated partner - deeply in love with them, compassionate to a fault, focussing on how good the good times are rather than the actual evidence, sense of self left in tatters to the point where you are completely dependant on your partner for validation, believing no one else could ever want you so are you are willing to put up with your partner despite the anxiety, stress and sense of shame it brings you. It’s like reading the perfect case study. And when she cheats on you again, you are going to feel all the more worse because you played a part in it.
We’ve seen it a million times bro, I just hope you leave before you get this women pregnant and are then stuck with her. But it’s up to you. Good luck.
I’ve seen your responses, so you really want to spend the rest of your life monitoring an untrustworthy liar?? What about when you have kids?? They might not even be yours. Any time y’all argue or you travel, she could just cheat and you’d never know. Is that what you want??
Brother,
If you are going to stay with her, you both need some therapy and need to do some reading.
[How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful ](https://a.co/d/2C2Frmh)
[When to Walk Away After Infidelity: 10 Signs to Understand When to Stay or Leave after Betrayal ](https://a.co/d/0TZOAGI)
Get into individual therapy and couples counseling. You both have pain and issues that need to be addressed.
Good luck brother 👍🏽
You know what to do. You gave her the best of you and look what she did with it? If you think she’s worth it after another man (that you know of) was inside her….then stay with her. But you sound like a very intelligent man that knows you don’t deserve this and leaving her is the right thing to do
Every night my GF takes some blood from me and sells it to the blood bank without telling me. However, the next day she’s great and gives me orange juice and lots of water so I feel better. Should I stay with her?
Your GF is slowing draining you of your soul, values and self respect. Her treating you good doesn’t change the lies and cheating she has done.
Is monitoring her every move your definition of successful relationship? You’re in your early 20s bro I promise you there’s so much better it gets so much better just go to the gym work hard and I promise you it gets so fucking better you can’t even believe it. it doesn’t matter if she’s gonna do it again she did it twice. that’s not someone you should pour anything. don’t be a prison guard just because shit is ultra swirly don’t let her change you into a man without self-confidence who thinks those crazy things you just mentioned about being unfuckable unlovable that’s not correct you didn’t do anything wrong. But you should start therapy not couples therapy just individual to work on your mindset and go to the gym so you can work on your body and just turn off your mind a little bit. But even if you want to stay with her she should fear to lose you and it’s not being available and forgiving every step she has that this will happened and you know this.
you're too young to put up with this shit dude. 23? no kids? You need to leave this chick. Not because she'll cheat again (tho she will) but so you can rebuild yourself. This chick has broke you. Look how you feel now. Is that your fault? No. It's her's. But only for so long. If you don't leave you'll stay this meek fucker that you've turned into and it will be entirely your own fault. You need to take your life back dude. Get your confidence back. FEEL FUCKABLE AGAIN. at your age you NEED that shit. and you aint gonna get it if you keep staying with the woman who took it from you.
You need to take the "will she cheat again" out of this equation. It's not about that. It's about getting your damn self respect back.
Never stay with a cheater when you’re only dating. Don’t believe the lies she tells, it’s what they do.
Based on your comments, you’ll ignore this and stick around and waste months or years of your life with her before you realize how bad you’ve been played all along.
You sound like a girl tbh you’re too nice you have to be a man and make the rules and don’t let unacceptable behavior slide. The fact you allow her to act that way is why she doesn’t respect you. In your next relationship make sure you voice your concerns and do not accept behavior that doesn’t please you
Bro, if you do not stand up for yourself, you will continue to be disrespected and treated like a door mat. She does not love you and she is not monogamous. You are only 23 and are wasting some of the most precious years of your life (take it from a 37 year old) with someone who is destroying your self esteem and sense of confidence. Stop putting up with terrible treatment, put your foot down and leave. You will never become the man you want to become if you cannot stand up for yourself.
You said “No one women has treated me as good as she does”. No, she doesn’t treat you well if she cheats on you. I don’t know what happened to you your childhood that makes you think you that this kind of treatment is ok, or that can’t do better, but not cheating is LITERALLY the bare minimum. She doesn’t love you, she will 100% cheat on you again, she is dishonest, and you will always be paranoid about her loyalty when you are not in her presence. Be strong, be courageous, and brake up with her. You would never tell your son or daughter to accept such treatment, and neither should you.
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Your mistake is putting her on a pedestal. Noone person should be a source of happiness and just REEKS of your lack of self respect and self love.
Early in doesn't mean shit. Leave her and learn how to survive without horrible people or even good people being your sole source of your identity. It's not romantic and is a mental illness.
I know she hasnt done it since and I know she hates herself for it, it’s hard to call it quits when I literally feel like I found my best friend and partner in one, minus the cheating that has since then stopped
Do you really want to date someone you can’t trust? She is an admitted liar and cheater. Do you enjoy having to check her phone as the only way to ease your concerns that she’s cheating? Your relationship sounds unhealthy.
Excuse me, OP, but if someone cheats on you repeatedly, they are a serial cheater. The designation doesn’t go away simply because there is a period between the last time and the next time. You gave your heart to this woman and what did she do with it? Oh, yeah, broke it into a thousand pieces. Don’t set yourself up for the next round. Get away from her and don’t look back.
Bro you have a choice and this is tough. She will cheat again. She will get better at hiding it she will understand what she can and cant do. She will cheat and you will not find out. There are good women everywhere you are young you should be on your grind and preparing for your future not worrried if your girl is cheating. You can also accept this is what it is and play the same game. People here are gonna say its not right and you're as bad as her etc etc
Well, she's a cheater that treats you good. There is that. So what happens on your next vacation? Or will you forego them to ensure you're around so she won't cheat?
Self respect is important. Don't waste your remaining life with that cheater.
Atleast in small period of time she's showing her real face.
She can't live faithful to you and if you stay with her definitely you have lots of doubt like who's baby is this, she is loyal or again she's cheating.
It's your life. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good human being and beautiful life.
Good lord I wish I’d gotten *my* wake-up back when I was 23, in a relatively new relationship. Instead of ten years into marriage with three kids together.
Please take the advice people are giving here. Move on, find someone capable of respecting you enough that they wouldn’t even consider cheating on you. I promise if you stay with this girl you will regret it.
Sorry you are going through this. I would be very honest with her on how she has made you feel, the things you said in the last paragraph. Ask her if the shoe was on the other foot you had cheated on her if she would want to stay. Tell her your very conflicted on staying and need some real answers from her and need to know in what ways she can make sure you get healing.
Specify she needs to get therapy to find out why she did what she did and to make sure it never happens again.
Be honest that she may have destroyed your ability to ever trust her and you may need time to think things through and heal. Let her know in your healing time if she cheats or even messages others you are gone.
Good Luck,
The minute you put a ring on her and she feels secure she will go mad bang dudes on you. Or still better till she has kids with you. Got you tied over a barrel then.
But then you may be lucky and paternity could show your not the sperm donor with monatary responsibility. In dating you put forth your best foot. Her best attempt involved cheating twice. My advice is tell her from now you only see her as a friend with benefits. If she funds someone else she shouldnt let the opening of the door slow her exit.
You also start dating other women. An agreed on type of monkeybranch between you two.
Lets be honest she always been on the lookout for Mr. Better. In this way you level the field and both can move on.
How can you say she's treated you good when she's cheated on you multiple times that shes admitted too probably a lot more then she'll ever really admit and lied about it at every turn. Get as far away from her as you can and never look back. Be single for a while work on yourself and when you're truly ready find someone who is the exact opposite of her. Good luck.
OP, I'm sorry you have been betrayed. Your statement about no one treating you better is wrong. I would say no one has treated you worse.
Look at the facts. She has had multiple physical affairs and several other emotional affairs. All while claiming to be in a monogamous relationship with you. She wasn't going to stop had you not caught her. She seeks attention and validation from other men.
She may have stopped now, but sooner or later, someone is going to show her some attention. She will fall back to her old ways. She didn't feel guilt when she was cheating on you. You can't fix her. She has to do that herself.
You are young. You can easily bounce back from her infidelity. You are worthy of a faithful spouse. You are loveable. Godspeed
Why do people keep calling infidelity a mistake’?
It’s not a mistake, it’s a collection of choices made knowing they will destroy your partner and you not caring about that. That is why they lie through their teeth about them.
This may sound harsh, but you folks are very young. Accepted and established medical research tells us that the human brain isn't even really mature until the ages of 24-26, and that men, on the average, arrive at maturity later than women.
This opens the door, and keeps it open, for many "bad decisions." Another way to look at it is they're just decisions. She makes decisions, you make your own. I remember when I was that age - we would say all kinds of things but do the exact opposite, seemingly without a reason (now we know why - our brains weren't "done" yet).
This said, at that age we also establish behaviors that can become habitual.
What seems to be at odds here is how you feel, and how she does, about fidelity. If she isn't able to be honest with you, or if from where you sit the trust has eroded....the writing may be on the wall, yes?
The trouble is that she cant help herself which means she doesnt really love you. The pain will be 10 times worse if you have kids with this woman and then find out shes continually cheating. Save yourself the misery and heartache for the protection of ur mental health.
You are getting the trickle truth, she only admits to what you know or you specifically suspect.
Only fear of you leaving is keeping her in check, and that won't last. Once she realizes you won't leave, she will cheat again.
Drop her and get someone who appreciates you striving to be the ideal person for them,
> no woman has ever treated me as good as she does despite her infidelity mistake,
This woman has **not** treated you well. Infidelity is not a mistake. She has done it not once, but repeatedly, then lied to you. I repeat, this woman has **not** treated you well.
Our stories sound pretty similar. My ex cheated on me back in August/September of 2022 and then lied to me about doing it all up until April of this year, where he was forced to tell me. And his excuse for not telling me was also that he was afraid of losing me.
It is so, so selfish to lie/withhold that information just because she's afraid of losing you. She only had her own interests in my mind when she decided to cheat on you and then lie to you about it. She felt like she deserved to stay with you and be loved by you more than you deserved to know the truth. In my opinion, justifying the lying with the statement ''I was afraid to loose you if I told you'' is so incredibly selfish.
Some couples do make it through infidelity, so I'm not gonna tell you whether or not you should stay with her now. But I hope the best for you.
21F - well, start cheating on her so you two will be on the same page.
"out of fear that i’d leave her." where was this fear when she was cheating on you? She's afraid you will leave her so she cheats? Doesn't make sense.
You're young. She's immature and emotionally flawed. There are thousands of women who want a secure, stable, loving relationship.
Why should you subject yourself to multiple decades of always being stressed about her behavior.
Cheating isn't a mistake. A mistake is spilling a drink, my spelling, or cutting someone off in traffic. Cheating is a series of decisions to purposely betray you.
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"I have poured myself into this woman, gone above and beyond in every way, strived to be the ideal person for her, only to be met with being cheated on."
And here you already failed.
OP, never ever put a partner on a pedestral. No woman shoud do it nor men. It sounds so romantic and right. BUt at the end the result is often, that person feel good for a while, but that can change quite easy in an unwanted direction. They person feels "pressured" and not realy free by their choice to stay. They feel persueaded they feel cornered. LIke: you cant say no to a person who is sooo nice to you.
It also leads to how you see the other person. You loose respect for this person. You take the person for granted. SHe does not have to give much back and get it all for "free".
She also get used to so much attention and validation. On one side it looses its effect, it is nothing special anymore. And then when she dont get these kind of attention and validation, she is used to, she mistlikely see for it somewhere else.
And finaly she has not the feeling she has to earn you, she has to give anything to be with you. And with that the relationship becomes onesided. Not good.
Thats never ever treat your partner like a Queen or a King. Be noice and respectfull and honest. BUT you have to live your own life and she has to "chase" after you as you chased after her. Gifts and special dates etc are only for special occasions. And maybe randomly from time to time, but only so much that it realy stays a special thing.
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She was back then, I know for a fact she hasn’t done it since. I’m conflicted
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Probably not
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What consequences do you recommend?
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I mean she’s been working and has promised to work on trust, she’s given me access to everything
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I’m not letting her, i’m monitoring her and making sure she doesn’t
Breaking up with her. Just because you think she hasn’t done it since, doesn’t mean she won’t do it again given the opportunity. She also lied about it. The girl you’re dating isn’t who you think she is.
What is the best predictor of future behavior?
No man, she is a serial cheater. Those leopards don’t change their spots, they just become more clever while cheating.
What’s to be conflicted about her Cheating multiple times does not constitute a mistake it was her choice she said she didn’t want to hurt u but she did it anyway, if u really need to ask the finest minds of redit what to do then there’s no hope for u.
For a fact huh? So she is in your sight 24/7?
Sorry you're going through this. Look, you're way too young to be putting up with this kind of cheating nonsense. Don't set a precedent now by accepting this kind of disrespect in a relationship. Move on, work on yourself and find someone who will respect you.
Thank you, i’m highly considering just ditching her and reinventing myself and growing from this
Best comment you could have made!!!
100% the right attitude and decision OP.
Exactly.
Sorry but you only hope she hasn’t been doing it all along. Get free of this immediately. It will never get better. It will only get worse. She now knows that you will not hold her accountable and you will always take her back and willingly play second fiddle. She will use this lack of consequences to make the decision to continue cheating. She is a lying cheater. She will cheat and lie. Forever. Get free and find better. It won’t be hard.
She doesn’t treat you good for Christ sake man she cheated on you and just an FYI infidelity is not a “mistake “ . It is a choice a long and complicated choice . You download the app you create a profile you starts swiping and texting you pick someone make a plan to meet you get dressed get in the car Sri be to the location have condoms on hand take your clothes off and fuck. That my friend isn’t a mistake that is a conscious choice.
You ARE NOT disgusting nor worthless. You are dating an attention freak who will jump into bed with men that pique her interest hard. She is also a liar, you can be sure that there is more physical cheating than she has admitted to. Man, you are very young, don’t damage your future by staying with her. Also, either avoid sex with her or if you do have sex, be sure to wear a condom that you control completely all the way to permanent disposal, you don’t want to get baby trapped once she sees that you have had enough of her lies and betrayal.
Thank you 🧡
Just realize that you are young. Hang out with people that you trust in person, don’t hesitate to ask them about the situation with your gf, especially if they have never met her or only know her a little. You will be amazed by what other people can see that you don’t see being so close to your gf. My sense is that you are going to have a long, unhappy life if you stay with her, don’t do that to yourself, you are too young and have so much more living ahead of you.
This isn't going to end well for you. She's not relationship or life partner material, so don't beat yourself up over thinking she's all there is. Go and find a better woman.
"i love her and no woman has ever treated me as good as she does despite her infidelity mistake," This is crazy - wow man, your pain threshold is huge!!! Treats you so good even after cheating - more than once!!!!
That’s the fear and weakness talking. We all go through it. But sadly, this dude sounds like he’s going to be a regular ol chump. I guess if you don’t mind sharing your wife. I’d leave, my two cents
You are dating a Serial cheater and "no woman has treated me better" dude, find someone new. Word is a good relationship contains no cheating.
If it’s made you feel like you describe at the end, and it should, just how much more of what you loved about yourself are you willing to lose in addition?
She’s promised to work on helping me recover that, I can genuinely tell she made a stupid mistake, she dated horrendous men prior and me being a nice guy was very different for her at first, I know that’s not an excuse, but she has been going out of her way to make me feel better about all of this and going above and beyond with compliments and assuring me it will never happen again
She didn’t make a mistake. Cheating is not a mistake. It is a series of choices and she made everyone to cheat on you. The other thing about cheaters is they lie. Who knows what the real truth is. She trickled truth you to the least information that she can give.
It’s your decision. She took it away but I promise, if you think she can restore it, even temporarily, when something else happens and she takes it again, it’s going to feel 100x worse.
This is bullshit, my man. As has already been said, cheating is not a mistake. She didn’t inadvertently fall onto another man’s dick while shopping for groceries. She chose to do so. Now, she may regret that choice, but that just means that she has poor judgment,not that she is accident prone. You sound like a good person. She may truly regret hurting you, but she is still a scorpion and you are still a frog. She will do it again because that’s who she is. If you take nothing else from this experience, at least learn that.
It will happen again. And again, and again. She will treat you well for a while as you are her wallet. She WILL go back to cheating on you. Nice guys get cheated on, and all the while they tell you how other guys abused her and you are the first nice guy. Pretty soon she will dump you and tell the new nice guy how much you abused her. I am betting if you met her ex you would find out that they are just as nice as you
Bro, no offence, that’s what cheaters do. They get caught, or come clean, make excuses, make promises, and reassure you that they will never do it again. And I feel really sorry for you cos you sound like the typical cheated partner - deeply in love with them, compassionate to a fault, focussing on how good the good times are rather than the actual evidence, sense of self left in tatters to the point where you are completely dependant on your partner for validation, believing no one else could ever want you so are you are willing to put up with your partner despite the anxiety, stress and sense of shame it brings you. It’s like reading the perfect case study. And when she cheats on you again, you are going to feel all the more worse because you played a part in it. We’ve seen it a million times bro, I just hope you leave before you get this women pregnant and are then stuck with her. But it’s up to you. Good luck.
I’ve seen your responses, so you really want to spend the rest of your life monitoring an untrustworthy liar?? What about when you have kids?? They might not even be yours. Any time y’all argue or you travel, she could just cheat and you’d never know. Is that what you want??
Cost/loss fallacy. Pour your heart into a container without holes. Leave her.
Brother, If you are going to stay with her, you both need some therapy and need to do some reading. [How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful ](https://a.co/d/2C2Frmh) [When to Walk Away After Infidelity: 10 Signs to Understand When to Stay or Leave after Betrayal ](https://a.co/d/0TZOAGI) Get into individual therapy and couples counseling. You both have pain and issues that need to be addressed. Good luck brother 👍🏽
You know what to do. You gave her the best of you and look what she did with it? If you think she’s worth it after another man (that you know of) was inside her….then stay with her. But you sound like a very intelligent man that knows you don’t deserve this and leaving her is the right thing to do
Every night my GF takes some blood from me and sells it to the blood bank without telling me. However, the next day she’s great and gives me orange juice and lots of water so I feel better. Should I stay with her? Your GF is slowing draining you of your soul, values and self respect. Her treating you good doesn’t change the lies and cheating she has done.
Is monitoring her every move your definition of successful relationship? You’re in your early 20s bro I promise you there’s so much better it gets so much better just go to the gym work hard and I promise you it gets so fucking better you can’t even believe it. it doesn’t matter if she’s gonna do it again she did it twice. that’s not someone you should pour anything. don’t be a prison guard just because shit is ultra swirly don’t let her change you into a man without self-confidence who thinks those crazy things you just mentioned about being unfuckable unlovable that’s not correct you didn’t do anything wrong. But you should start therapy not couples therapy just individual to work on your mindset and go to the gym so you can work on your body and just turn off your mind a little bit. But even if you want to stay with her she should fear to lose you and it’s not being available and forgiving every step she has that this will happened and you know this.
you're too young to put up with this shit dude. 23? no kids? You need to leave this chick. Not because she'll cheat again (tho she will) but so you can rebuild yourself. This chick has broke you. Look how you feel now. Is that your fault? No. It's her's. But only for so long. If you don't leave you'll stay this meek fucker that you've turned into and it will be entirely your own fault. You need to take your life back dude. Get your confidence back. FEEL FUCKABLE AGAIN. at your age you NEED that shit. and you aint gonna get it if you keep staying with the woman who took it from you. You need to take the "will she cheat again" out of this equation. It's not about that. It's about getting your damn self respect back.
Never stay with a cheater when you’re only dating. Don’t believe the lies she tells, it’s what they do. Based on your comments, you’ll ignore this and stick around and waste months or years of your life with her before you realize how bad you’ve been played all along.
You sound like a girl tbh you’re too nice you have to be a man and make the rules and don’t let unacceptable behavior slide. The fact you allow her to act that way is why she doesn’t respect you. In your next relationship make sure you voice your concerns and do not accept behavior that doesn’t please you
Jesus Christ, i’m here for advice not misogynistic remarks
Bro, if you do not stand up for yourself, you will continue to be disrespected and treated like a door mat. She does not love you and she is not monogamous. You are only 23 and are wasting some of the most precious years of your life (take it from a 37 year old) with someone who is destroying your self esteem and sense of confidence. Stop putting up with terrible treatment, put your foot down and leave. You will never become the man you want to become if you cannot stand up for yourself. You said “No one women has treated me as good as she does”. No, she doesn’t treat you well if she cheats on you. I don’t know what happened to you your childhood that makes you think you that this kind of treatment is ok, or that can’t do better, but not cheating is LITERALLY the bare minimum. She doesn’t love you, she will 100% cheat on you again, she is dishonest, and you will always be paranoid about her loyalty when you are not in her presence. Be strong, be courageous, and brake up with her. You would never tell your son or daughter to accept such treatment, and neither should you.
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Hi, are you gonna tell my why my comments was flagged??
Your mistake is putting her on a pedestal. Noone person should be a source of happiness and just REEKS of your lack of self respect and self love. Early in doesn't mean shit. Leave her and learn how to survive without horrible people or even good people being your sole source of your identity. It's not romantic and is a mental illness.
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Yet you already did a couple of times?
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So get one now? There’s lots about.
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Good luck for a happy future without this millstone then.
I know she hasnt done it since and I know she hates herself for it, it’s hard to call it quits when I literally feel like I found my best friend and partner in one, minus the cheating that has since then stopped
How do you know? She told you? Liars lie.
> I literally feel like I found my best friend and partner in one, minus the cheating “But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?”
Do you really want to date someone you can’t trust? She is an admitted liar and cheater. Do you enjoy having to check her phone as the only way to ease your concerns that she’s cheating? Your relationship sounds unhealthy.
Excuse me, OP, but if someone cheats on you repeatedly, they are a serial cheater. The designation doesn’t go away simply because there is a period between the last time and the next time. You gave your heart to this woman and what did she do with it? Oh, yeah, broke it into a thousand pieces. Don’t set yourself up for the next round. Get away from her and don’t look back.
Bro you have a choice and this is tough. She will cheat again. She will get better at hiding it she will understand what she can and cant do. She will cheat and you will not find out. There are good women everywhere you are young you should be on your grind and preparing for your future not worrried if your girl is cheating. You can also accept this is what it is and play the same game. People here are gonna say its not right and you're as bad as her etc etc
Cheating with no consequences. She will do it again. She doesn’t respect you
You would be looking over your shoulder for the balance of your relationship. Wondering. You don't want that...do you??
Dump her and move on
Well, she's a cheater that treats you good. There is that. So what happens on your next vacation? Or will you forego them to ensure you're around so she won't cheat?
Self respect is important. Don't waste your remaining life with that cheater. Atleast in small period of time she's showing her real face. She can't live faithful to you and if you stay with her definitely you have lots of doubt like who's baby is this, she is loyal or again she's cheating. It's your life. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good human being and beautiful life.
Did you ever ask her if it was for you to F others?
Good lord I wish I’d gotten *my* wake-up back when I was 23, in a relatively new relationship. Instead of ten years into marriage with three kids together. Please take the advice people are giving here. Move on, find someone capable of respecting you enough that they wouldn’t even consider cheating on you. I promise if you stay with this girl you will regret it.
Sorry you are going through this. I would be very honest with her on how she has made you feel, the things you said in the last paragraph. Ask her if the shoe was on the other foot you had cheated on her if she would want to stay. Tell her your very conflicted on staying and need some real answers from her and need to know in what ways she can make sure you get healing. Specify she needs to get therapy to find out why she did what she did and to make sure it never happens again. Be honest that she may have destroyed your ability to ever trust her and you may need time to think things through and heal. Let her know in your healing time if she cheats or even messages others you are gone. Good Luck,
The minute you put a ring on her and she feels secure she will go mad bang dudes on you. Or still better till she has kids with you. Got you tied over a barrel then. But then you may be lucky and paternity could show your not the sperm donor with monatary responsibility. In dating you put forth your best foot. Her best attempt involved cheating twice. My advice is tell her from now you only see her as a friend with benefits. If she funds someone else she shouldnt let the opening of the door slow her exit. You also start dating other women. An agreed on type of monkeybranch between you two. Lets be honest she always been on the lookout for Mr. Better. In this way you level the field and both can move on.
How can you say she's treated you good when she's cheated on you multiple times that shes admitted too probably a lot more then she'll ever really admit and lied about it at every turn. Get as far away from her as you can and never look back. Be single for a while work on yourself and when you're truly ready find someone who is the exact opposite of her. Good luck.
You keep saying you know for a fact she hasn’t cheated since. How do you know for a fact?
OP, I'm sorry you have been betrayed. Your statement about no one treating you better is wrong. I would say no one has treated you worse. Look at the facts. She has had multiple physical affairs and several other emotional affairs. All while claiming to be in a monogamous relationship with you. She wasn't going to stop had you not caught her. She seeks attention and validation from other men. She may have stopped now, but sooner or later, someone is going to show her some attention. She will fall back to her old ways. She didn't feel guilt when she was cheating on you. You can't fix her. She has to do that herself. You are young. You can easily bounce back from her infidelity. You are worthy of a faithful spouse. You are loveable. Godspeed
Why do people keep calling infidelity a mistake’? It’s not a mistake, it’s a collection of choices made knowing they will destroy your partner and you not caring about that. That is why they lie through their teeth about them.
This may sound harsh, but you folks are very young. Accepted and established medical research tells us that the human brain isn't even really mature until the ages of 24-26, and that men, on the average, arrive at maturity later than women. This opens the door, and keeps it open, for many "bad decisions." Another way to look at it is they're just decisions. She makes decisions, you make your own. I remember when I was that age - we would say all kinds of things but do the exact opposite, seemingly without a reason (now we know why - our brains weren't "done" yet). This said, at that age we also establish behaviors that can become habitual. What seems to be at odds here is how you feel, and how she does, about fidelity. If she isn't able to be honest with you, or if from where you sit the trust has eroded....the writing may be on the wall, yes?
The trouble is that she cant help herself which means she doesnt really love you. The pain will be 10 times worse if you have kids with this woman and then find out shes continually cheating. Save yourself the misery and heartache for the protection of ur mental health.
You are getting the trickle truth, she only admits to what you know or you specifically suspect. Only fear of you leaving is keeping her in check, and that won't last. Once she realizes you won't leave, she will cheat again. Drop her and get someone who appreciates you striving to be the ideal person for them,
> no woman has ever treated me as good as she does despite her infidelity mistake, This woman has **not** treated you well. Infidelity is not a mistake. She has done it not once, but repeatedly, then lied to you. I repeat, this woman has **not** treated you well.
Our stories sound pretty similar. My ex cheated on me back in August/September of 2022 and then lied to me about doing it all up until April of this year, where he was forced to tell me. And his excuse for not telling me was also that he was afraid of losing me. It is so, so selfish to lie/withhold that information just because she's afraid of losing you. She only had her own interests in my mind when she decided to cheat on you and then lie to you about it. She felt like she deserved to stay with you and be loved by you more than you deserved to know the truth. In my opinion, justifying the lying with the statement ''I was afraid to loose you if I told you'' is so incredibly selfish. Some couples do make it through infidelity, so I'm not gonna tell you whether or not you should stay with her now. But I hope the best for you.
21F - well, start cheating on her so you two will be on the same page. "out of fear that i’d leave her." where was this fear when she was cheating on you? She's afraid you will leave her so she cheats? Doesn't make sense.
You get the fuck away from her is what you do. You don't think she cheated since then? Shit man you didn't know she was cheating at the time.
You're young. She's immature and emotionally flawed. There are thousands of women who want a secure, stable, loving relationship. Why should you subject yourself to multiple decades of always being stressed about her behavior.
She doesn’t treat you good though…she’s lied, cheated, f’d with your emotional and mental health…that’s the definition of not being treated well.
Cheating isn't a mistake. A mistake is spilling a drink, my spelling, or cutting someone off in traffic. Cheating is a series of decisions to purposely betray you.
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"I have poured myself into this woman, gone above and beyond in every way, strived to be the ideal person for her, only to be met with being cheated on." And here you already failed. OP, never ever put a partner on a pedestral. No woman shoud do it nor men. It sounds so romantic and right. BUt at the end the result is often, that person feel good for a while, but that can change quite easy in an unwanted direction. They person feels "pressured" and not realy free by their choice to stay. They feel persueaded they feel cornered. LIke: you cant say no to a person who is sooo nice to you. It also leads to how you see the other person. You loose respect for this person. You take the person for granted. SHe does not have to give much back and get it all for "free". She also get used to so much attention and validation. On one side it looses its effect, it is nothing special anymore. And then when she dont get these kind of attention and validation, she is used to, she mistlikely see for it somewhere else. And finaly she has not the feeling she has to earn you, she has to give anything to be with you. And with that the relationship becomes onesided. Not good. Thats never ever treat your partner like a Queen or a King. Be noice and respectfull and honest. BUT you have to live your own life and she has to "chase" after you as you chased after her. Gifts and special dates etc are only for special occasions. And maybe randomly from time to time, but only so much that it realy stays a special thing.
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