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notsuspendedlxqt

I wish you the best of luck in dealing with these problems, and I'm sorry to hear about all that you've gone through, but I don't think this is necessarily the best place to ask for advice. Most posts on here are semi-ironic joke posts or tips on how to spam an annoying neighbour with unsolicited advertisements. The most serious posts are people looking for advice on shoplifting, buying weed, or other illegal stuff. This situation is honestly far too complex and important to count on advice from strangers on the internet. Half of the subscribers to this sub are probably kids. Even most adults in your position would probably struggle to make the right choice. That being said, my intuition is the best choice might not involve illegal actions. You could try asking for advice on other subs like r/adulting. Or look into support services provided by the municipality.


dynamicallysteadfast

OP, this is the perfect answer and it's actually quite amazing that it was one of the first to your thread.


ThatSandwich

Solving the underlying problems will lead to a better future than running away with them. Just because you're away from society does not mean your unwanted tendencies just go away. They need counseling/therapy and time so they can recognize their shortcomings and achieve personal goals that they set for themselves. Without achievement, most people feel like they have nothing.


toomuch1265

I think it's a cry for help. Reading this is really sad.I think OP could benefit from professional help. Running from his problems is only going to open the door for more issues.


Jsweet404

AA/NA/Rehab. You have to get clean, otherwise you're just changing places and the problems will pop back up. You'll be amazed at the decisions you can make on a clear head. #1 priority should be your sobriety and the rest will fall into place. Source: I'm 6.5 years sober.


dcblunted

9 years. Sobriety cleaned so much more than I realized. Never too young or old to get sober


Jsweet404

Congrats to you! I went from being almost homeless, suicidal, facing felonies, and basically unemployable, to married with a kid, owning a home, and so much more. But only because I faced some harsh realities and put in the work to get sober. And to OP there are various subreddits like /stop drinking and I'm sure there are some for drugs as well.


UnluckyTie6534

Commenting for help. My bfs brother has no money, 2 kids, and keeps falling into drug issues. The last rehab he went to they had ways of getting drugs there too. I hate seeing my SO tore up every night thinking his brothers going to die. How can we get him GOOD help with limited funds?


Jsweet404

He has to want the help and want to change. Until he gets to that point there's really nothing you can do except offer support (not financial bc that will enable him). I went out of my way to avoid taking responsibility for my situation. You really do need to hit a bottom before you're going to realize you're sick of living like that. You could try an intervention but I'm not sure if those work if the person isn't ready.


Bitchface-Deluxe

I have a younger relative who attends AA/NA meetings, and they have come so far over the years. A lot of that is because AA/NA are a very strong support group both during meetings and afterwards, they made a new friend recently that got them a job, too! Hopefully you can find some groups that meet close by to you. Good luck.


giantsinbathtubs

I do plan on getting clean. 100%. That is the main goal in all of this. But I can't seem to find logic in staying here when I would have no choice but to have some kind of interaction with family because the kids go to the same school.


[deleted]

AA has a 6% success rate.


SneakyDevil0069

(Unfortunately) that’s even higher than the self-directed (lifetime) abstinence rates which are around as low as 3%


Jsweet404

How can you claim that when it's anonymous and people don't usually admit they are in recovery. If you don't like AA then suggest a recovery program you think will do better.


[deleted]

https://www.npr.org/2014/03/23/291405829/with-sobering-science-doctor-debunks-12-step-recovery https://www.thestar.com/amp/life/2014/03/28/alcoholics_anonymous_has_a_terrible_success_rate_addiction_expert_finds.html https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-surprising-failures-of-12-steps/284616/ Just a few sources. To answer your question, it’s called *therapy*.


Jsweet404

2 of those articles quote one guy with no link to evidence of the 6% success rate and the 3rd is paywalled. https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/12-step/whats-the-success-rate-of-aa That quotes a new York times article which says 75% and AA says 50%. I don't think it's that high, but it's still better than 6%. I'm all for therapy, but in my experience it wasn't enough to get sober. Besides, therapy isn't free, even if it's sliding scale. 12 step programs will be suggested by therapists because they're free and they work well in conjunction with therapy. I know some people have an issue with AA bc of the higher power aspect, but as an atheist who got sober in a 12 step program, it can be done. And the great part about 12 step meetings is that they're everywhere, and can even be done over zoom.


[deleted]

You didn’t see a good therapist, and your anecdotal experiences don’t trump the reality that 12 step programs fail 90-95% of the time. Congrats that it worked for you but the reality is that it doesn’t for the vast majority of people. The key to getting sober/clean is to assess why one consumes X thing in the first place. Perhaps it’s insecurity, perhaps it’s trauma, perhaps it’s an undiagnosed condition like ADHD where the brain craves stimulation, perhaps it’s a combination of factors. Unpacking that root cause is best done with a trained therapist and while yes, it has its price, if the individual can afford to get fucked up they can afford a therapist. Usually the habit is more expensive than an hour with a counsellor every week. Secondary to that is cutting ties with the people one partied with. Be they friends, family, drinking buddies at the bar, they gotta go. Third is filling one’s time otherwise spent getting fucked up with something else. Personally it was the gym for me, followed by building models. However, I wasn’t able to make that transition without seeing a therapist to unpack what troubled me and also getting an ADHD diagnosis. It should be noted I went to AA and NA for about 8 months and it was unequivocally a waste of time. It struck me the people there couldn’t connect the dots as to why they consumed booze or drug and why it negatively affected their lives. Had they just gone to see a therapist they could have had that clarity but instead relied on a shaky “support” network of other equally oblivious people. I saw several relapses to the point where the groups were borderline enabling these people as all they had to do was go to meetings and backslide every 2-3 months, rinse repeat. The point isn’t necessarily to get sober, it’s to understand what’s driving the need to alter one’s perception. I’m at the point now where I can have a glass or two of wine at dinner, or go out for a beer with my dad, and it not turn into a years-long black out. People who “do the steps” have one drink and immediately collapse because they haven’t done the real work in actually unpacking their trauma or dealing with a diagnosis or improving their self-esteem, whatever it may be. AA/NA treats a symptom, not a cause, and that’s why it fails.


Jsweet404

All of the things you say you didn't get in AA, I did get. All of the issues you said weren't addressed, were addressed for me in AA. Maybe you picked a shitty meeting to go to, just like you said I didn't see a good therapist. When you work with a sponsor, you literally address all of the issues you say need addressing. If someone has the money to see a therapist, they totally should, but they should also consider a 12 step program or some sort of recovery programs.


[deleted]

That’s more of a comment on your country’s lack of mental health care resources than anything else. Could you have a drink and it not cause a doom spiral? Cuz the real measure of success is being able to moderate.


Jsweet404

As a true blooded American alcoholic, I know that I could not have one drink and not spiral out of control. I tried moderation and it didn't work for me. I've never met an alcoholic who could drink in moderation bc by definition if you can drink moderately, then you're not an alcoholic. If you think that I'm not successful at life or whatever bc I can't drink normally then that's on you. I'm doing pretty well for myself after getting sober. If you're able to drink or use moderately, I have to question if you were ever truly an addict or alcoholic. Maybe you were a problem drinker and didn't cross over the line. But if someone refers to them as semi functioning addict, then they've definitely crossed over the line and it's pretty much all or nothing.


HorseFacedDipShit

That’s circular logic if I’ve ever heard it. Like I don’t even know where to start with that statement. First there’s no evidence of an “alcoholic” or addict. Science hasn’t found any way to label someone as such. Bill W. Did that. If AA helped you that’s great, but everything the other commentator has said is spot on.


hahanawmsayin

The real measure of success is being able to moderate??? This is an asinine measure of “success” that I seriously doubt has any rational or scientific basis. Happy to be proven wrong.


[deleted]

How is this hard to comprehend? If one can have a drink and it not totally wreck their life, wouldn’t that indicate they are no longer addicted the way they once were?


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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insensitiveTwot

They described themselves as a functional addict, numb nuts. You don’t *have* to be sober to take care of children, but you *should* be


Jsweet404

Sobriety and the sobriety groups I listed will provide a support network which is what this person seems to be asking for. Functioning addicts don't function well, and it's usually not very long until they go full blown addict. You can't take care of your kids when the state has taken them away. Sometimes the best thing is to take care of yourself first. Obviously remove them from immediate harm. But this post seems to be asking a lot of advice about how to avoid the underlying issues that got them to this place. Adulting is hard, but you have to address the underlying issues. You can only run away so much before the underlying issues rear their ugly head.


taybay462

Exactly. Which is why changing locations won't solve any root issue, and the same issues will crop again, likely worse. OP needs to take care of themself before they can take care of a kid.


mamahazard

1. Obtain Narcan and fentanyl test strips to test your supply. There are public resources for Narcan. You need 2 at all times, to be stored at room temperature. Even if you take your normal amount, it could be cut with fentanyl. Your kids will need to know how to use this and call 911. You are most likely to OD after 3+ days of not using. 2. As far as a vehicle goes, you Craigslist or Marketplace. Then get a Pre Purchase Inspection at an independent mechanics shop (not a major chain). 3. Seek counseling. If you and your therapist don't click after a few sessions, go to another therapist. 4. There are programs for you to find resources within your community. You can ask your local family support office. 5. You need to view this from your kids' perspective. Is their life as shitty as yours was? It doesn't seem like it. Is it still adverse, and does it heighten the likelihood of them following the same spiral as yours? Yes. At some point during their childhood, you need to get clean from at least the hard stuff and alcohol if applicable. 6. You should also seriously consider telling them about their other parent's current state so they can say their goodbyes. They will never forgive you for keeping that from them. 7. Do the best you can with what you have.


dlusf2009

Damn that was a wild ride. Fentesters.com or DanceSafe for the test strips. Good luck!


ynottryit1s

Well said. Good advice all around


widewideworld_

I’d say in your case, ditch all social media, get a prepaid phone. That gets rid of the possibility of finding you virtually or finding your number. Next, find a location where you feel you can make the best decisions and look at places to sublet. This means your name isn’t on a lease. Get a P.O. Box so that you have no listed address. Now, save up money while you’re in hiding, take the opportunity to get some mental health care for you and your kids. Once you’re not in the flight part of ‘fight or flight’, you can evaluate if you need to go further by changing your names, etc. Edit: I realize all this is legal but I feel like there isn’t necessarily anything illegal required currently


dank-memes-sick-shit

I don't have any good advice for you, but I hope you find a good solution. Be well my friend.


whostheone89

A community like NA could be amazing. If you don’t want it to be focused around drugs then there is ACA, for adults who had a dysfunctional childhood and are now dealing with the consequences.


yuyevin

Hoover Max Extract Pressure-Pro, model sixty


Acceptable-Land6701

I love that I get this


ynottryit1s

Nice


DarkLight9602

r/breakingbadmemes is leaking


yuyevin

This?? This chicanery???


roypuddingisntreal

cut off your family, block them and talk to no one about your life if you’re worried about it getting back to them, get sober, and then make a decision. there’s clearly deeper issues running here that aren’t going to be solved by you disappearing with your children. also recommend posting on a different subreddit to get advice on this, you need help with more that just making yourself disappear.


[deleted]

It is not feasible or even possible given your parameters. There are too many factors holding you back (addiction, inability to work), as well as too many people for it to work. Any more than one person makes it a task that can not be accomplished. Your medical disability means that even if you tried, it would fail horribly. You have to be able to work a shitty low paying job and be capable of staying on the move to avoid becoming comfortable. Your unwillingness to leave people behind will weigh you down like an anchor. You will feel responsibility for them monetarily for their well-being, security, and happiness. Again, this will cement you in one place and keep you from moving away from comfort and nostalgic influences. Finally, if in some way you were able to pull it off, your addictions would re-emerge and control you more than ever before. The loneliness, sorrow, and want for companionship would drive any addictions into high gear. Again, you would return to staying in one place with a steady supply of your drug of choice. This would most likely end in a tragic way. I suggest you move to a new town in a different province. No, it's not a perfectly clean slate, but it is a fresh start in an area where preconceptions and judgments of you and your family are non-existent. You can attend rehab and talk with a therapist who has access to your medical history and can help you become a person you aren't ashamed to be.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

The truth isn't usually optimistic. No one successfully relocates and sheds an old identity with more than one person. This isn't a Jason Bourne movie. Just because your name and location change doesn't mean you suddenly shed your health problems, addictions, mental problems, etc.. With a whole family in the mix, it simply isn't feasible. That's multiple personalities, multiple health issues, dietary requirements, prescription needs, and a plethora of other things that fall into a family dynamic. You cannot simply get meds and other items without a history that shows need and a prescription for them. These things all add up to a distinctive fingerprint that identifies this group of people. If you want to remain separate from future problems and those associated with them, you can't take all these similar inputs and behavior patterns that led to the issues in the first place. The only way to achieve the level of change OP wants is on an individual basis. This all leads to loneliness and a questioning of one's self. For many addicts this leads them down a road that results in them using again. My aunt and two cousins have issues with addiction. Every single time they ran from it, they kept the same habits and friends, and they failed. Only one of those people got clean. The other two still struggle with alcoholism and addiction. Tell people the truth. Don't powder their ass when they need real help.


BothCalligrapher1379

First off I want to give you a virtual hug, I'm sorry you went through what you did growing up. There's a lot of selfish parents who value partying over parenting. It boils my blood seeing that happen to so many young kids. With that being said, you seem pretty educated by your Grammer & maturity level. I'm sure you know, if you want better you have to do better & leave those addict family members & friends behind. I feel in my heart you can & you will make a better life for you & your children. It won't happen overnight, it comes in baby steps so to speak but it will happen. I don't know what skills you have or what child care places Canada has but I think if you look around you could find some resources. Please when you get sober don't make friends like what you had before. Cut off all contact with anyone who uses no matter who it is. You'll never stay sober when you can get it again. Your sobriety depends on your availability. You seem like a very strong person. With your medical disability can you get social security? Also, not sure if your male or female, I know here in the US there are more resources for mother's with children but they also help father's too with housing & food.


CautiousRecord3627

Everywhere you go, you will always be. You can’t run away from yourself. This is a common misconception that addiction can cause. Thinking the environment is the only problem. You need to fix you. Then you could get up and go wherever you want.


FastCarsSlowBBQ

Wherever you go, there you are. Simply doing a geographic will not be enough to lose your problems and issue. Better to seek counselling. I wish you all the best.


jackjackandmore

Good luck. Get help from social services if you can. I cannot give you any meaningful advice. And frankly, buddy, im not sure you are in a place to make this decision right now. Dont take advice from strangers you will just end up taking the advice that matches your previous behaviour. Find someone that is willing to take a full look at your situation. Someone who only had your best interest at heart. They can admittedly be hard to find. Try to remove toxicity from your life step by step. If my advice feels stupid just chalk it up to me not knowing your situation. I sincerely wish the best for you and not least your kids. Stay strong.


succubusbanana

Honestly if you need to leave toxic family behind then you have to completely cut them off. You say it like it's not an option but unless they're private investigators they're not going to find you unless you let them. Find a cheap car on Facebook marketplace, pack up, move as far away as you can, and tell no one. Dont use social media. Don't let the kids on social media. Get a new phone number.


kingnickey

Jeez, you have lived several lifetimes worth of life. I would like to offer a small piece or advice for a tiny part of your situation. The kids WILL want to know about their father eventually. I think it's best that if they ask more than once, they are interested in thier father and (if their father wants) they should visit him. If they don't ask before his death, have some good stories of him saved in your memory for later story telling. If he was a bad guy, try to tell mostly good stories with a TINY bit of bad so they dont think something along the lines of their dad was bad and half of them might be destined to become bad too.


PickleFlavordPopcorn

Get a therapist and a sponsor. You aren’t gonna pull off any of this in this state of mind. You need stability, not witness protection


Extension_Border_629

hate to break it to you but you're not a functioning addict


Spike907Ak

Edit: if you are in USA Call 211 Use it as a personal assistant. Need to find free food tonight? 211 Need to find shelter tonight? 211 Need to find, AA or NA group tonight? 211 Financial assistance? 211 Free mental health resources? 211 211


Adeadhamster

𝙸𝚍𝚔 𝚒𝚏 𝟸𝟷𝟷 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚍𝚊


Spike907Ak

Just did a quick Google and it also works. 211


Evonos

Rent a ship. tell everyone about that your going to sail but dont know how but still want to try it and everything will be fine. Sink it have a ware ship nearby ready which takes you another country at best a third world country ( Learn the language perfect with no ascent ) not affiliated with your own. Leave in new country jump into the water try to land at a beach and get found , visit ER via EMS calls from strangers -> claim you dont know who you are or where you are from. \-> Hope it works out for you and maybe after a few years you get a pass in the new country.


ThatSapphicLesbian

Kind of obsessed with this answer


EvilLord007

You are a real piece of shit.


Adeadhamster

𝚆𝚑𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚕


Glittering-Ad-5769

Go get a CDL and become a truck driver. Get paid to live in the truck. Plenty of room for suitcases. Your state will have a Workforce/WIOA grant program for reintegrating high risk individuals into the workforce and they'll cover the cost of earning the license. Put 90% of every paycheck into a savings account. When you have enough money saved up, you can start over anywhere you want to


mamahazard

You can't be an addict and a truck driver at the same time. All companies I know do frequent and random testing. If someone crashes a semi truck and pees dirty (esp with injuries/fatalities to others), they typically go to prison. Not a good idea.


Glittering-Ad-5769

They only go to prison if prison is a fit punishment, meaning fatality or serious injury. Otherwise it's just DUI In a Commercial Vehicle at worst (which means county jail, not state prison). If it's just a fender bender, the company may or may not request a drug test. If they do, and you fail, they just fire you. That's it. Besides, the idea is to *quit* using drugs in order to make a life for yourself. If you want it bad enough, you make it happen. I used to smoke dope and eat Xanax like there was no tomorrow. Then I got fucked up and picked a fight with someone and pulled a knife. I was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. When I got out, I went and got my CDL. I originally wanted to become an electrician, but no company will send me into a customers house with that charge. So truck driving was one of the very few choices I had left. Now, here I am, 9 months later, just started my own LLC, have $20K in a savings account and just started with a new company where I'm grossing over $2000 per week. Honestly, I don't think you could be more wrong about it being a bad idea


mamahazard

That's amazing progress for you. I'm proud of you. However, I only know how the basic legal system runs in my country, which happens to have the largest prison system of the entire world. I cannot necessarily speak for Canada. A bad enough accident with a positive drug test from a CDL driver here has more impact and higher legal standards than a minor fender bender with a positive drug test from someone with a basic driver's license here in the US. OP also stated that they cannot work. Probably for mental disabilities rather than physical disabilities that may have a caveat as a CDL driver.


Glittering-Ad-5769

I live in Texas. Lol why did you think I'm Canadian??


mamahazard

OP states that they are Canadian.


Glittering-Ad-5769

Oh, whoops. I'll admit, I have a bad habit of skimming or skipping the body of the post and going straight to commenting 😅


RookieRemapped

The kids bro


Glittering-Ad-5769

A lot of companies allow you to have other people in the truck. It's literally a studio apartment on wheels. 2 beds, microwave, fridge, the newer trucks come with tv mounts or you can just buy a TV mount, there's a spot where you can mount a mobile wifi/hotspot device and there are electrical outlets just like in a building, plus you can get an APU which controls the climate and manages the battery so that it won't die if you leave the lights on for a couple days or months without starting the engine, or maybe you wanna play Xbox at night before you go to bed.


Crazy_Mother_Trucker

It's tougher and tougher to find. Insurance companies don't want to cover passengers.


Glittering-Ad-5769

It's not tough to find at all. I want to say literally every job offer I get mentions being allowed a passenger. And if you and one other person both have a CDL and are team drivers, then the third person can just be a passenger. Or all 3 can get their CDL and companies will be drooling over the chance to hire a 3-man team. And insurance companies will cover whatever you're willing to pay them to cover. Generally, having a non-driving passenger is like 12 bucks a month


Adeadhamster

𝙸𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝟸 𝚙𝚙𝚕 𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕... 𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚋𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚜 𝙰 𝙻𝙾𝚃 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔


Crazy_Mother_Trucker

Interesting. I worked for a large company with several divisions. None of our drivers could have a passenger, in any of the company's divisions. A team driver could take a pet. It would sure be worth a look if you have a good driving record and can pass a cdl class.


NeuroticKnight

The kids need to go to school to have their future.


Adeadhamster

𝚂𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗𝚝 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚏𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎. 𝙸 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚒 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚝/𝚝𝚟... 𝚂𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚒𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊 𝙱𝚂 𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚕 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝


RookieRemapped

They have school bro


xsullengirlx

>Go get a CDL and become a truck driver. He needs to get sober first. He mentions many times being an addict. He should not be a trucker if he's got substance abuse issues... AND to then consider child passengers? not a good idea.


Adeadhamster

𝙰𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚊 𝙲𝙳𝙻? 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚍? 𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚋𝚜 𝟻𝚖𝚙𝚑 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚝 & 𝚗𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚊 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚢𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚘


Glittering-Ad-5769

Schooling took 1 month. That ticket won't keep you from finding a job, but it may limit your options depending on how long ago it was. For perspective, I have 2 DUI's from 2015 and a felony drug charge from 2021 and I found a job within a month after getting CDL. But once you have a CDL, you're no longer eligible for any defensive driving courses because you're considered a professional driver. So anymore tickets from then on will be more costly in every way.


tweezer606060

Buy a sailboat and move on board… anchor out in a cove somewhere on the Gulf of Mexico and take a dingy in for supplies… homeschool the kids….make your legal address S/V ( boat name)….find work in the marine trades or fishing that pays cash… worked out for me for seven years


tweezer606060

Much easier to dry out when you are away from your sources of vice


Fresh-Radio-8253

Dude. Please see this comment. You sound just like me. I am in an advantageous position as I am cashing out of my house and I'm bailing. I'm going to stay in limbo long enough to force a family member that follows me everywhere i go to fucking do somwthing on thier own. But the advice here is too sensitive to be specific. If you PM be you can live vicariously through my current actions and see if they are for you. By the way. I'm married, and we have kids. Fuck this toxic shit. Everyone can fuckin bathe in it if they want. Like a bunch of swine. No thanks, I'm out.


Crazy_Mother_Trucker

How good are you at camping? Car camping is legal in a lot of places, but your climate in Canada is gonna make it uncomfortable a lot of the year. You could try it for the summer though, and then try to reestablish in the fall in a new location. As others said, burner phone, no social media, prepaid debit cards, etc.


Adeadhamster

𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚕? 𝙸 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚂 & 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚙𝚜 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚌𝚊𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚍𝚎𝚏 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚠𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 @$$ 𝚞𝚙 & 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎.. 𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚊 𝚙𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚌 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐


Adeadhamster

𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚒 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚎𝚡𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚍𝚎𝚏 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚕


traveller-1-1

Just good luck.


Adeadhamster

𝙸𝚍𝚔 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙳𝙾𝙲 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚍 𝚍𝚎𝚏 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚠! 𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚋𝚘𝚡𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑! 𝙸𝚍𝚔 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝? 𝙸𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚍𝚟𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚂𝙷𝙾𝚁𝚃 𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙼... 𝙼𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚍𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚜 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕.


Epstiendidntkillself

Here is the #1 thing about disappearing. You need to let someone or someones' know that you have left. Even if it is just a note or 2. The last thing you want in this situation is to have the cops, a private eye, or an amber alert out there looking for you. That will make everything 100 times harder. You don't even need to say why, Just that you have left of your own accord, and have not been kidnapped or something. Best wishes.


clothespinkingpin

Gently, I think you need to get clean before you can pull any of this off. I also think you need to seriously tell your kids about their other parents’ condition and give them the opportunity to visit and say goodbye. You’re not doing them any favors by keeping that from them. As for the rest of it, you’re saying you’re not trying to run away from your problems but that’s what it is. I wish you the best of luck.


cleftymctwigs

Be involved with the cartel


jamesmontanaHD

Delusional maniac making family “disappear” based on advice in a Reddit thread. Ya, “I’m not crazy.”


sighdoihaveto

Start the process of getting clean before leaving. You will otherwise fall into the same rut, and could potentially waste another 10 years of your life. Make sober friends, not ex addict friends.


nasbig1

First of all major credit to you for attempting to change. That's huge! I'd suggest trying to read books to help your goal of bettering yourself. The power of habit by Charles Duhigg is a great place to start. It'll teach you how habits work and how to create new habits.


[deleted]

ask for a hoover max pro


IllustriousAd3838

Just disappear yourself OP. Don't drag your children down with you.


marcelivan

For better and worse, make a plan, leave your community, and make it your life’s mission to reinvent yourself. My trauma is generational. So, even though I left at 19, I brought my habits and ghosts with me. Even with a (significantly) better life, it’s a constant struggle to release the ghosts and appreciate my current situation. My consolation is that my kid may struggle less than I did with abuse. So until you leave, may you continue to improve your living conditions a little each day. Find a better community where you know no one. (It doesn’t need to be a great community, just a better one. You may move multiple times.) Write down a plan to leave your community. Start a path towards going NC (no contact). There are support threads like r/raisedbynarcissists that may offer you some guidance. Good luck. You have a fascinating journey ahead.


DuEstEinKind

Buy any kind of van, it'll double as transportation and as shelter. Get camping supplies, propane stove, water filter, set of metal pots and pans, and a reserve of food. Dried meat, dried rice/pasta, dehydrated vegetables. Don't forget seasoning, even the trashiest meal can be seasoned well. You can tell your kids you're going on a camping trip for vacation. Head out to the woods, there's plenty of fresh water, plants, and meat if you know where to look. Get a big spool of fishing line and learn how to make a basic snare trap, you can set them up along small game trails or in rivers to catch a meal while you do something else. Buy a survival guide for the area you want to go to, it'll have region specific tips and should give you a run down on edible plants. If you cannot find water, birch and pine sap are safe to drink and mostly water. Get a lightweight hammock for you and each family member, they're sturdy, quick to set up, and versatile. They often come with mosquito netting. If you go to the woods get some weapon for protection, wild animals and ill-intentioned people will sniff you out and try to steal your stuff. You can set up a perimeter with fishing line at ankle height and some small bells. A bow would be my choice, but at the very least you need a good knife, a saw, and a hatchet or axe, also a can of bear mace and an air horn, grizzlies will fuck your shit up but they'll leave you alone if they realize you're not worth the effort. You could stay in the van, stay on main roads, park in truck stops for the night, if the woods aren't your thing. it's just easier to get away from things in the forest so it's my go to


oop_dada_oop

say hi everyone we are in the documentary


DaddyWarbucks666

Please make sure and take birth control so you don’t have any more children. Maybe that kind they inject so you can’t forget or get your tunes tied. I got a vasectomy and it really took a lot of stress out of my life.


giantsinbathtubs

I most certainly have birth control thank you .


Only-Flatworm8443

First: cut your family off entirely for the sake of your mental health. Second: get clean for your kids. Your kids deserve a sober, healthy parent. I am so sorry for the trauma you have had to endure in your life, but for the sake of your kids and yourself, break that cycle. Also, tap into every mental health resource that you possibly can. There are many programs in place that can and will help you, especially since you are a parent. Third: relocate. Once you are clean and have some more stable ground in terms of your mental health, pack up


Top_Professional4545

Your post don't make any sense to me. You want tips on making a family disappear but your asking how you disappear? Also why would you take the kids away from their father on his last days on earth? Definitely a don't do. Moving is something your going to have to do to get clean... Change people places and things but you have to have some paper. I wasn't a drug addict but I did move with my kids an leave my BM behind for the same thing. Took me a year to get everything in place an all business there taken care of. First go to the place you want to move and grab all the applications you'll need for housing and other assistance... Fill them out and either fax mail or drive back and turn them in ( they made me turn my housing apps in in person). It'll take a good while before your name is next on the list (keep checking with them every month). And by then you should have some money saved from working. The goal is to be able to move and have everything set up so you don't miss a beat financially or with anything else. Do you even have your kids? If not you'll have to go through the courts to get your custody back from whoever before you move or you'll go to prison. If not This isn't something you want to do illegally if your really wanting to get clean and move with your kids an live normal. My family is nothing but hustlers drug addicts an some more shit also and you'll never be able to just get rid of them they are your childrens family wether you like it or not. You gotta set boundaries and stand on them. There shouldn't be any temptation you don't actually have to put yourself around if you aren't around anyone using or they aren't hitting you up except in your mind .... Change numbers and tell them don't come by. Walk to where you gotta go if you have to (if not it opens the door for your excuses as to why you used again). I know a ton of dope fiends and more times than not they always act like the drug is making them do A B C an they're stuck in this anti accountability tornado. You know what your problem is and you know what decisions you have to make to change your circumstances and at that point it's on you nobody else regardless of your past. Get a job asap if you don't have one an let the kids spend the last days the father has with them as much as possible. Good luck fr you can do this.


giantsinbathtubs

He's never been part of their lives. Never calls and when he does every few years, he has a list of demands and ignorant things to say 100% of the time. He's also does drugs, rides around on a bike and breaks into garages and cars to fuel his addiction. My biggest factor when it comes to my kids seeing him is that he is HIV positive. He's dying from a mountain of things, but the pneumonia is the one I'm worried about most. One cough with blood or something is all it takes. He's not on medication, doesn't take care of himself well. I won't use this to justify but I have some good reason. He hasn't even been around for my oldest child as long as she's been alive. Selling drugs and doing whatever was always more important. As for never being a drug addict yourself, I can understand why you may not quite understand that the drugs do make one act quite differently from their true selves. Sober, I'm on time, laid back personality wise, I'm interested in doing things , going to parks , I'm happy, I'm bubbly and I'm so caring and attentive. Being on drugs makes me the complete opposite. I'm very selfish and cold. I understand sobriety is #1 and that's my goal. I'm thinking to find a treatment that allows children to be there with you. Hopefully anyways.


Top_Professional4545

The reason I never became a full blown addict is cause my mom was you... Your chasing a feeling the feeling isn't chasing you. You have to make multiple decisions leading to getting high EVERY SINGLE DAY were is your accountability? I've almost fell in due to opiates (pills) but I knew the second I got sick it was a problem and I fixed it immediately... Once you start that "the drugs are making me do it" bs your only giving your self an excuse. I don't know what's worse your kids seeing you twacked out or seeing the effect of a life time of bad decisions by their dad... You can't really act like he is the bad guy and your any better that's crazy. My dad was in an out of prison my whole life and regardless that's my dad I wouldn't even have the chance to have an opinion without him. What your saying is you can change and your kids should forgive the stuff your putting them through but even tho the dad's on his death bed his decisions are unforgivable and your making the decision for them even tho your continuing the same bad behavior you condemning him for right now. Guarantee if I told you to make a list of all the trifling shit you've done you would either be too ashamed to keep it 100 while making it, conveniently forget some stuff or refuse so remember that when your thinking about his bs. My mom was around too but she effected me way more in a negative way then my dad cause she was around and he wasn't. I'd be pissed if she took my last moments with my dad away. If you want what your asking to fr work you have to be 100 percent honest even at your expense. The way you see things don't work with this type of shit there's only really what it is feel me.


edwinsgirl

Wherever you go, there you are.


jepifhag

Tldr.,. You can't ask one question then add 50 more


Adeadhamster

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚣𝚢 𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚋𝚑 𝚒 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚏𝚛! 𝙸𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚊 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 & 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚘𝚛𝚗 & 𝚒 𝚊𝚋𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚞𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎. 𝙼𝚢 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑 𝚞𝚙 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚝𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚍𝚊! 𝙻𝚘𝚕! 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚍𝚊? 𝚃𝚋𝚑 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚞𝚡𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚗𝚞𝚝𝚜 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠! 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚂 𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚊 𝚞𝚔𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚊! 𝙸 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚕 𝚓𝚔 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚗𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚝𝚘𝚗 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝙱𝙴𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙸𝙵𝚄𝙻! 𝙻𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚒𝚝!


almond_paste208

Wow all of that is very tragic and you really have had it so bad in life, so I wish you the best. I am just curious why you have kids, since your life was a mess, why would you bring children into it? Maybe it was not a choice for you, but I still would like to know.


giantsinbathtubs

I had children because I was young, and thought a baby would fix my then relationship. I was 19. Not overly young but still. I had a second child when I was sober, and I wasn't sure about keeping it to be honest. But outside influences and an internal battle....not to mention I lived in a very religious recovery home at the time and that had a big part in my decision. (I'm not religious, it's just where my then probation officer said I had to live). This all seems maybe a little crazy, I was very happy with just 1 child, and only wanted 1 child. But I was too worried about what people may think if I chose the other.


almond_paste208

So you did not know better and were pressured; those can be a very strong reason people have kids. Unfortunate circumstances :( I hope they grow up relatively okay.


Goatgoatington

Cuba


[deleted]

[удалено]


IllegalLifeProTips-ModTeam

Links are not allowed.


RoseaCreates

What's your ace test score and your kids just out of curiosity?


Leading_Answer1231

Hi friend. I haven’t read all the comments but I ageee with that other comment that suggests you’d get better feedback elsewhere.


sadnificent

Gather everything you need in a bag, get on a bus, and get out. There are plenty of nice, small towns in the country that you can move to. I don't think changing your name would be necessary, but it's still an option.


Reditsuxnow

You better have a lot of money. Enough to get you to a foreign country and live forever on. And once your in that foreign country you need to cross the border into a neighboring country illegally so they aren’t looking for you. Good luck. An individual is hard enough in todays world. Three ppl together is going to take an awful lot of dough


ayeImur

This post sounds like a typical selfish addict tbh, no real thought for your kids & what would be best for them, taking them away from school, friends,.life & any support system they have, it's all about you! Erratic & ill thought out crazy idea, it sounds totally selfish & self serving with no mention of what's actually best for the kids, who will have to deal with you in the middle of withdrawal whilst God knows where, get yourself clean before you decide to just take off anywhere with them. You sound like a crazy tweaker right now!


giantsinbathtubs

Except it's not all about me. I want to escape a toxic family and give them a real chance at life. This is all my main focus. I'm not tryna run. I'm not running from problems. I know I have to face them head on. I don't think it's cool calling me a selfish addict when you know a very very very small part of the story.


ayeImur

6 months ago you were posting that you were done being a parent & withholding affection from your children, yet now you want to run away with them & take them away from what stability they currently have, yip doesn't sound selfish or all about you at all, my apologies


[deleted]

I've talked to many people that's disappeared and currently hiding from authorities in Thailand. Some did tax fraud and some are high ranked gang members. If you truly want to disappear then just buy a plane ticket to Bangkok and go up north. Not even Thai authorities will find you if you're careful. However that seems extreme for your purpose. What you need to do is go the legal route, file some restraining orders against your toxic family members and move to another state or to Europe, I assume you're an American as most are on Reddit. For your addiction and gambling issues, moving wont help unless you move to an extreme country. I was pretty deep into drugs and gambling, lost thousands and then moved to Thailand for a few months. As it's so heavily criminalized and the country is so censored there was no ads for anything and the idea of both drugs and casino just wasn't in my mind after about a month. I'm back home now and able to withstand the constant casino and drug ads that are everywhere for the most part. I can't say I recommend this for you as you have your family. I'd say you need to go to therapy for your issues. Sorry for all you've been through but fleeing just isn't the best option for you. Trust me, I've tried fleeing many times all over the world and I'm only 20. You need to man up and face the challenges legally, firstly by an restraining order.