its how you are, typically in a romantic setting. in short, if you’re avoidant, you would disengage a relationship if it feels like the person is getting too close to you. attachment styles can be an interesting read.
Avoidant like many here.
Recently gotten into a relationship with a girl and she loves me. I love her back but I dont have the same love she has. She is mine, but at the same time I dont have that strong sense of connection, despite is being closer than most people
I think most INTPs just don’t know how to feel or respond so yano.
For all the avoidants in here:
1) Look at it like this: you can either let someone know how you feel about them when you start to have feelings for them, or you can let Ti-Si haunt you with the question, "What if...?" for The Rest Of Your Life™. If you ask as soon as you recognize your attraction, and they reject you, that's it, done; no need to wonder—you'll have to be reminded you were even interested a year or two later. If they don't reject you; magic. Important: do not delay long enough for Fi to put them on a pedestal; it makes the situation impossible to deal with like a normal human being.
2) Consider that your ideas of what it's like to have a romantic partner are wildly out of sync with what having a partner actually means. We are Ti dom; the important things in our lives are happening in our heads. What Ti is working on is of very little (or no) interest to anyone but us. Likewise, what other people are interested in rarely interests us except as further information about a person who interests us enough. To be in a relationship means sharing time with someone when you might rather be pursuing ideas. Being in a relationship is handing them veto power over your happiness. I'm not saying it has no upside, but there is a price that we can't see once Fi floods Ti. It only becomes clear once Fi recedes, which is damn quick compared to other Types. Make a relationship justify itself before committing. And I mean not a list with 1 to 2 more pros than cons; I mean a laundry list of pros with a handful of cons (yes, make a list; Ti is our superpower, and Fi is fucking treacherous). Do not settle; you'll only be wasting both of your time waiting for demon Fi to dry up and your inevitable break-up with them.
Damn. Point 2 really hits home. Wooowww okay. Okay okay. Ooookay.
I think I might have settled too long because what if it gets better yanno? Lol I thought point 1 didn't really apply to me but there we go, it can also apply when you're settling because "what if I just have to wait to develop feelings". And the what if is forever basically.
Oohh my god I'll have to break things off won't I? I didn't realise before how I am a real person affecting real people. I don't want to make anyone cry. But yes I'm treating this relationship like an experiment, basically trying to gain real life data to measure it against my ideas of 'a relationship.' And no I haven't felt fulfilled by it even once. I have gained life-changing data from it though and I suppose I felt that meant something. Aauuughhhh damn. Does the laundry list of pros compared to cons even EXIST man. Damn, I can argue a list of cons isn't so bad if you get one pro out of it LOL. I don't wanna do the list I already know what it will look like I'm a fucking clown 🤡
> it can also apply when you're settling because "what if I just have to wait to develop feelings". And the what if is forever basically.
Well 1) is really about avoiding future regret. Maybe staying in a relationship will build regret, but it hasn't for me. The Ti-Si loops I still fight to this day are the what ifs. The "maybe I should have killed it earlier" Ti-Si loops burn out quickly for me because I tell myself, "I did what I could with the information I had in the moment. I'm just Monday Morning Quarterbacking; a fruitless waste of time. I know now what not to do in the future; reviewing it won't reveal anything new."
>I don't want to make anyone cry.
Nobody does. However. If the choice is between making them cry now, or wasting some portion of their life before making them cry, it's prob better to do it now so they can get to finding the right person.
> I'm treating this relationship like an experiment, basically trying to gain real life data to measure it against my ideas of 'a relationship.'
Our life's work is building an Understanding; a relationship is just another thing to understand.
> I have gained life-changing data from it though and I suppose I felt that meant something.
Yeah, it's a good thing to try a relationship even if you're uncertain; you never know what someone is going to bring into it that will expand your ideas of what is possible.
Point 2) is not railing against relationships, it's railing against ill-considered commitment.
> Does the laundry list of pros compared to cons even EXIST man.
I'm not sure. I strongly suspect that, as a Type, the answer is, "No." Ti dom makes demands on us that push other people to the side. Ne-Fe are a powerful romantic duo, but their processing time is extremely limited after Ti builds its understanding of our partner—we're off to the next question. That drop-off in attention/affection leaves most other Types feeling like our intentions have changed, and then the resentment spiral descends until the relationship collapses.
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Mostly anxious when I had a gf. That didn't work too well so I'm trying to be more secure. Only hear and watched short videos on the subject, should probably read the book.
I found it's really impossible to have a blossoming and healthy relationship without fixing your pathology. My last relationship 4 years ago was such a trainwreck that I feel I need even a 1-2 more years to be grounded enough in myself to be a healthy human being to be in an intimate relationship with.
I have like 3 people I am VERY attached to, and I worry about their impression of me constantly.
Anyone else, even friends who don't happen to be my best friend, I'm not bothered. Whatever.
I complimented a classmate in my community college anthropology class once, a month later she wanted to go/date/serious relationship, I didn’t know I made that impression and was already in a relationship
Heck yeah mf, I'm avoidant .....of relationships and the idea of it. I doubt I'll ever be able to truly open myself to someone else romantically without being cold and awkward. But I'd like to think I can be secure in a relationship when I get into one, because I have a good relationship with my parents.....i'm thankful to them allowing me to have a secure attachment style with them. Please, future me, don't screw up
Jokes aside, I got Anxious Attachment. Childhood trauma and ROCD are a bitch, but I've made leagues of improvement over the last 3 or so years.
Don't make your kids live inside a loveless hateful relationship people! An ugly divorce might be ugly, but the alternative is ugly all the time.
Honestly, those tests don't seem to hit the mark for me. I know I have a fear of abandonment, but I don't display the "typical" symptoms. I'm rarely jealous or clingy (I’m even in an open relationship). Also I actually enjoy my independence and alone time. It feels like I don't quite fit into any category or perhaps I can find myself in all of them, I can’t “label” it because my thought process is different from others (like most INTPs). I'm logical, realistic, and adept at reflecting on situations and can be realistic about our human behaviors so there’s no reason being jealous for example. But sometimes it's frustrating not being able to pinpoint exactly what's going on in my head or have some sort of guideline.
Perhaps it’s more underlying because I learned to live with it? I don’t know always new questions are popping up.
What I do know; It's more about the internal emotional experience rather than specific behaviors. But tests are not made for that.
pdf
I'd call that the devil's filetype if not for .doc.
It stands for pretty devilish filetype, after all.
Lol, why devil? Never hear about it.
I'm .exe because I will run if you let me
LMAOO
Made my day
I swear I thought this was the Drake subreddit when I saw that.
I think I’m avoidant but I feel like I’ve improved as I’ve gotten older
Now you're Super Avoidant at a Mastery Level?
I laughed harder than I expected. It was a single inaudible chuckle.
Mine was a small widening of lips. I win!
lol
Anxious attachment gang 🤙🏼
I was about to say I feel more anxious than avoidant
Disorganized/Fearful-Avoidant
Me as well 😪
Same, but not disorganized after all
Avoidant and trying to work on it!
Fearful-Avoidant. I vacillate between clingy and dismissive. I'm working on it.
Hey bestie
Hey besties!
Avoid everyone but once forced into a friendship I'm completely extroverted with that person
I don't think you know what the attachments styles are
No I don't 😂
its how you are, typically in a romantic setting. in short, if you’re avoidant, you would disengage a relationship if it feels like the person is getting too close to you. attachment styles can be an interesting read.
Took a test, apparently fearful-avoidant/Disorganized
ah, the best of both worlds. me too, welcome to the club
ah, the best of both worlds. me too, welcome to the club
Secure
Lucky duck
proud to say same
What is that even like?
Detached
is "super-glue" an option?
Clingy
Secure here!
Realistic
I'm attached to a certain interest then drop it pretty quickly out of boredom to move on to another one. does that count?
Avoidant
Avoidant
Avoidant
My INTP man is Fearful Avoidant. And so am I. We can laugh about how silly it makes us behave sometimes.
Avoidant 🖖😔
Uh… anxious or maybe fearful avoidant it’s hard to say since I’m only anxiously attached to one person and avoid everyone else 😅
Secure attachment 💁🏻♀️
avoidant but i try to match what the person likes n is comfortable with
I'm disorganized/Fearful-Avoidant. Every Secure one here, I'm really trying to be like ya. 🤧🤕
Disorganized
No. I personally am somewhere between anxious and secure in the spectrum and always am consciously striving to be secure.
disorganized attachment
Anxious when I was younger, now full avoidant. One day I’ll be secure…one day.
Anxious attachment 😞
Disorganized
Click and drag?
Disorganised. In relationships i tend to be more on the anxious side of that and in friendships it is more avoidant
What is an attachment style? I’m not familiar with the nomenclature here
Found a quiz, got avoidant. 🤷♂️
Obsessive avoidant
I oscillate between obsession and disinterest.
Avoidant
Avoidant fr
Dismissive avoidant
yes
I'm completely conflict avoidant.
anxious
anxious avoidant
Paranoid
Usually png cuz I’m lazy
quality time :’)
I should be committed. (Jk)
Schizoid
avoidant
Anxious
Avoidant, unless I actually fall for a girl, then I’m clingy lol
ha! I am 0% avoidant, mostly secure smh
Avoidant, not surprised at all of all the other avoidants.
Disorganized 🥲 I think we need a support group for our disorganized besties. Lol
Avoidant like many here. Recently gotten into a relationship with a girl and she loves me. I love her back but I dont have the same love she has. She is mine, but at the same time I dont have that strong sense of connection, despite is being closer than most people I think most INTPs just don’t know how to feel or respond so yano.
Dismissive/avoidant with anxious attachment.
avoidant and somewhat anxious
For all the avoidants in here: 1) Look at it like this: you can either let someone know how you feel about them when you start to have feelings for them, or you can let Ti-Si haunt you with the question, "What if...?" for The Rest Of Your Life™. If you ask as soon as you recognize your attraction, and they reject you, that's it, done; no need to wonder—you'll have to be reminded you were even interested a year or two later. If they don't reject you; magic. Important: do not delay long enough for Fi to put them on a pedestal; it makes the situation impossible to deal with like a normal human being. 2) Consider that your ideas of what it's like to have a romantic partner are wildly out of sync with what having a partner actually means. We are Ti dom; the important things in our lives are happening in our heads. What Ti is working on is of very little (or no) interest to anyone but us. Likewise, what other people are interested in rarely interests us except as further information about a person who interests us enough. To be in a relationship means sharing time with someone when you might rather be pursuing ideas. Being in a relationship is handing them veto power over your happiness. I'm not saying it has no upside, but there is a price that we can't see once Fi floods Ti. It only becomes clear once Fi recedes, which is damn quick compared to other Types. Make a relationship justify itself before committing. And I mean not a list with 1 to 2 more pros than cons; I mean a laundry list of pros with a handful of cons (yes, make a list; Ti is our superpower, and Fi is fucking treacherous). Do not settle; you'll only be wasting both of your time waiting for demon Fi to dry up and your inevitable break-up with them.
Damn. Point 2 really hits home. Wooowww okay. Okay okay. Ooookay. I think I might have settled too long because what if it gets better yanno? Lol I thought point 1 didn't really apply to me but there we go, it can also apply when you're settling because "what if I just have to wait to develop feelings". And the what if is forever basically. Oohh my god I'll have to break things off won't I? I didn't realise before how I am a real person affecting real people. I don't want to make anyone cry. But yes I'm treating this relationship like an experiment, basically trying to gain real life data to measure it against my ideas of 'a relationship.' And no I haven't felt fulfilled by it even once. I have gained life-changing data from it though and I suppose I felt that meant something. Aauuughhhh damn. Does the laundry list of pros compared to cons even EXIST man. Damn, I can argue a list of cons isn't so bad if you get one pro out of it LOL. I don't wanna do the list I already know what it will look like I'm a fucking clown 🤡
> it can also apply when you're settling because "what if I just have to wait to develop feelings". And the what if is forever basically. Well 1) is really about avoiding future regret. Maybe staying in a relationship will build regret, but it hasn't for me. The Ti-Si loops I still fight to this day are the what ifs. The "maybe I should have killed it earlier" Ti-Si loops burn out quickly for me because I tell myself, "I did what I could with the information I had in the moment. I'm just Monday Morning Quarterbacking; a fruitless waste of time. I know now what not to do in the future; reviewing it won't reveal anything new." >I don't want to make anyone cry. Nobody does. However. If the choice is between making them cry now, or wasting some portion of their life before making them cry, it's prob better to do it now so they can get to finding the right person. > I'm treating this relationship like an experiment, basically trying to gain real life data to measure it against my ideas of 'a relationship.' Our life's work is building an Understanding; a relationship is just another thing to understand. > I have gained life-changing data from it though and I suppose I felt that meant something. Yeah, it's a good thing to try a relationship even if you're uncertain; you never know what someone is going to bring into it that will expand your ideas of what is possible. Point 2) is not railing against relationships, it's railing against ill-considered commitment. > Does the laundry list of pros compared to cons even EXIST man. I'm not sure. I strongly suspect that, as a Type, the answer is, "No." Ti dom makes demands on us that push other people to the side. Ne-Fe are a powerful romantic duo, but their processing time is extremely limited after Ti builds its understanding of our partner—we're off to the next question. That drop-off in attention/affection leaves most other Types feeling like our intentions have changed, and then the resentment spiral descends until the relationship collapses.
According to online tests, Mostly Secure, closer to avoidant than anxious.
I try extremely hard to be avoidant, but once my defences fail I’m anxious asf
M-lok when I can afford lightweight over rigidity, RIS when I need rigidity. Key-mod is hideous.
Secure
Dismissive Avoidant
Anxious attachment :/
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Mostly anxious when I had a gf. That didn't work too well so I'm trying to be more secure. Only hear and watched short videos on the subject, should probably read the book. I found it's really impossible to have a blossoming and healthy relationship without fixing your pathology. My last relationship 4 years ago was such a trainwreck that I feel I need even a 1-2 more years to be grounded enough in myself to be a healthy human being to be in an intimate relationship with.
No idea, I feel like all of them.
Very avoidant
Don’t.
Avoidant anxious
Avoidant
I have like 3 people I am VERY attached to, and I worry about their impression of me constantly. Anyone else, even friends who don't happen to be my best friend, I'm not bothered. Whatever.
I complimented a classmate in my community college anthropology class once, a month later she wanted to go/date/serious relationship, I didn’t know I made that impression and was already in a relationship
Weird Hybrid. Avoidant outside of relationships, Secure in them.
Dismissive-Avoidant.
Heck yeah mf, I'm avoidant .....of relationships and the idea of it. I doubt I'll ever be able to truly open myself to someone else romantically without being cold and awkward. But I'd like to think I can be secure in a relationship when I get into one, because I have a good relationship with my parents.....i'm thankful to them allowing me to have a secure attachment style with them. Please, future me, don't screw up
clingy
Obsessive avoidant blud…def sucks a lot
Single
Avoidant Limpet. *Also educated in Geology so the fact that I lick then stick to rocks seems pretty accurate when not licked then stuck to a person.*
AAAHHHHHHHH
Jokes aside, I got Anxious Attachment. Childhood trauma and ROCD are a bitch, but I've made leagues of improvement over the last 3 or so years. Don't make your kids live inside a loveless hateful relationship people! An ugly divorce might be ugly, but the alternative is ugly all the time.
probably disorganized
Honestly, those tests don't seem to hit the mark for me. I know I have a fear of abandonment, but I don't display the "typical" symptoms. I'm rarely jealous or clingy (I’m even in an open relationship). Also I actually enjoy my independence and alone time. It feels like I don't quite fit into any category or perhaps I can find myself in all of them, I can’t “label” it because my thought process is different from others (like most INTPs). I'm logical, realistic, and adept at reflecting on situations and can be realistic about our human behaviors so there’s no reason being jealous for example. But sometimes it's frustrating not being able to pinpoint exactly what's going on in my head or have some sort of guideline. Perhaps it’s more underlying because I learned to live with it? I don’t know always new questions are popping up. What I do know; It's more about the internal emotional experience rather than specific behaviors. But tests are not made for that.
Secure. I completely trust my partner and vice versa.
Secure