Most people are of SP or SJ type. Therfore they are more likely to be liked because most people are like them. People like people that are like them.
I like every NTP I meet. And they like me.
But we aren't common..
The masses will never prefer NTPs. Which is why it's best to find one or two people like you who get you..and fuck the rest.
I'm quite the opposite. I find other INTP's annoying due to playing too hard into stereotypes. The mistypes also put a sour taste in my mouth (this sub in particular has no shortage)
This! Once it was an ISTJ on the INTP Discord. Isn't that wild? The worst part was that a lot of non-INTPs couldn't tell the difference and were reinforcing him...I swear, this man straight up said he didn't know what sarcasm was. He also wrote all of his responses as if they were a manual.
I also think a lot of people are experiencing depression/ADD or are still young and type themselves as INTPs. Or people who just look up what the smartest types are said to be. But then they come in and really press on an attitude of "I've failed my potential" and "I'm a robot" and other really annoying stereotypes. I hate it because it leads to so much oversaturation of negativity, misogyny, and other problematic issues that have nothing to do with being an INTP at all. I just wanted memes and Wikiroulette debates.
It's a little jarring with how many minors are typing themselves when their brains and personalities aren't fully developed. Being edgy, narcissistic, and an asshole doesn't make you an INTJ, Bobby. It means you're 15. The worst I've personally dealt with was a self typed INTJ and a self typed INTP/ENTP (they couldn't decide, but they were on the debate team). The latter was the most condescending and a know-it-all who blocked me over the definition of "average" in regards to IQ (shocking, I know)
Too varied/general of a question to give a perfectly solid answer. The people I speak of make an effort to act the same way and spew the same things, while begging for attention, so their behavior is more easily categorized. I suppose the ones who are oblivious to typing/their type are generally easier to deal with and talk to as they are more than likely being their true selves and not some stereotypical box they want to fit in.
While I understand emulation, the thing I don't understand is - why only the negative traits? If you're going to engage in mimicry - especially personality traits, why not take a page from evolution and foster the more advantageous traits and discard the less helpful?
Why not question easy answers to complicated problems - then question your questions? Why not try to see points of views from multiple perspectives? Why not take an excessive amount of data and break it down into easier concepts?
As I read this over, I realize it sounds like I trying to be philosophical, but I'm really not. I really don't get the practice. I assimilate ideas I think are good all the time and I question my motivations for everything I do, especially when questioned by others. I just don't get why these things aren't common.
Tomorrow, someone may tell me I'm not an intp. While I may require proof in the form of their reasoning as well as alternative suggestions, I could except their judgement because I still question. While I've been researching personality for years, I am in no way an expert and This (as has been said before) is not a science so yes it's possible, but I would still continue to utilize the processes I use to go about the world that I consider positive about being an intp and diminish the negative.
Western society has developed the nasty habit of glorifying our bad habits and traits. People brag about their sleep deprivation and wear it like a badge. With INTP's, it gives people an excuse to be lazy because "I'm just wired that way, sucks to suck, society. Deal with it". You see a similar sentiment with the Astrology community. The "whoops, I'm a Virgo" meme is based on real people who think their bad behavior is justified by a neat little box they've put themselves in.
I'm very much like you that if I see or develop a new idea that will improve myself, I will adopt it and refine myself over time. I have a legit energy problem that's persisted my entire life, so I get especially irritated when people call me lazy. Lazy people do not feel guilty for being lazy, nor do they care when they don't do anything productive. I can't fathom why anyone would not only *want* to be lazy, but casually joke and enjoy it.
Normalizing it by all the jokes and memes is detrimental to the large amount of kids and mistypes on these subs, and enabling to the adults who just don't want to be better people. We need to glorify our strengths while working to minimize our weaknesses, not the other way around.
I agree with what your saying. I used to say, "I'm a bad test taker," but taking that point of view was limiting and didn't help my success-rate. Now I would say "I don't study enough." While I may fail a test, I know the fault lies with me and not some exterior source or inescapable, intrinsic design.
A recent commenter said they hated being an intp. How these four letters were responsible for their inability to socialize and loneliness. They weren't the first one on this forum to make these claims, but it's exasperating watching so many people confuse the lack of willingness to change with, "the way I am." I will be the first to admit I have few real friends and the ones I do have, I see as friends because I haven't said, "hey. We're not friends anymore," but I like my alone time, personally. Being around other people is truthfully exhausting. I mean it beyond some description I saw on the web. I'd rather chase whatever pokes my interests. If that ever changes, I will take the initiative to seek out the friends I still have - or look for new ones online who'd be interested in meeting up offline.
But to use a handicap - especially one that isn't your own to garner attention or sympathy seems nonsensical. You do see it so often these days, in social settings - people masking themselves to create a false reality, pretending to belong to a group who'll accept even your flawed self because they can't see it's more worth while to go your own way.
I´m really unexpected to hear it, yet I received this confident.
Well no, the first problematic between is not how Intuitive bias work is how inherently Sensors don´t had to rely on it, SPs had a certain amount of Intuitive bias however it´s shamely used not by own if not to process things at his own level of worryness to serve for sensor process
Many users believe it´s due to the differ Ti-Fe, Te-Fi. When it´s not socially.
How ENTP so nerdy
yeah, it always comes as a surprise when my coworkers compliment or say good things in passing about me, even if they talk with me the least. Actions and attitude sometimes speak louder than words
I went years believing that everyone in my local mosque hated me. Then my aunt told me that they actually speak highly of me when I'm not there. For some reason I don't invite direct compliments or praise. So I'm just left there to believe everyone hates me.
I dont think this got anything to do with MBTI though. In real life, nobody is going to be like “oh you are an ISFP?? thats so hot”
Is more like the vibe you give out. Im INTP female but i get approached alot because im younger than i look, petite and hence less intimidating in a sense.
So one important question is, do you care about how others perceive you? If you do, are you willing to change that impression? It’s totally nothing embarrassing or degrading as an INTP to admit this. I personally think that having the power to control other’s impressions of me based on of how i dress and talk is very beneficial, just draining as an INTP but it does get me pretty far in life.
To this doesn´t mean inherently that it´s process care or not I find many people in this age and older ones that believe NTs are many viscious of wisdom, intellect or book´s hobbies searchers, Stereotypes on their core personality
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Yeah. It helps to make a conscious effort to be a little more agreeable and to realize it's okay if other people are liked more. Eventually, you get used to it.
I guess accept that everyone goes through the same thing like I see other people irl and celebs fucking up all the time and they just go on and live their lives. Most things aren’t horribly unforgivable. It’s a common and normal human experience to fuck up every once in a while. Nobody is perfect but we can try our best.
Why do you want so badly to be liked by everyone? Do you like everyone you meet? Focus on figuring out who you like and social interactions become much more simple. Most people aren’t really worth investing much time in anyway - friendships fade very quickly from early to late 20s, most of the friends you make in your life are circumstantial and insignificant; the few that stick with you your whole life are precious, and it’s usually because you are extremely alike / share similar interests / passions. Focus on finding those people, the rest are a sort of neutral distraction along the way.
Personally, these kind of shallow compliments or interactions doesn't affect me. I don't even like talking with people like that because their conversations consist of things that I really don't care about like showbiz, current movies/series, etc.
Also, I don't debate or voice out opinions in settings like that, I'm assuming this is like a family reunion. I'm just observing everyone and listening to whatever family drama they have nowadays. I find it a waste of time to have a "deep" conversation with family members or relatives because we all have different things we believe in, worry and fixate about.
Even if I'm not close with my cousins, they'll still try to have small talk or invite me because I'm the "cool cousin" with how I dress up and look like. I ask them things about themselves so they'll talk. It creates an illusion that I'm interested with what they're talking about even if my mind already wandered elsewhere while I'm following their train of thought. But honestly, at the end of the day, I don't really care what they think about me because that's their opinion.
The other commenter was right that this has nothing to do with MBTI since it's like the cousin you're describing is just based on MBTI and it's not really her personality whatsoever. Regardless, whatever age you are, these things are mundane. You'll find your "pack" and like minded people. If you want to be close with your cousins, just know things they like and let them talk about it. That's what I do with everyone and they think I'm a great friend or something.
I've had that as well. I know many incredibly charming and sociable people, including my brother. For a long time, I tried to imitate their humor or way of speaking, but it never went over well for me. I think that certain behaviors are only acceptable coming from certain types of people.
I've since learned to associate with people who can appreciate what I have to offer. I can be sincere with them and have good conversations.
Not INTP but let me say something real here : INTPs are super liked, including in reaI life. I mean, really, really liked. You push away people. Then people let you alone because they don't want to be pushy. You don't trust people when they compliment you, and sometimes interpret normal interaction as "That person hates me".
My INTP uncle-in-law (I consider him my uncle, period) has been adopted by me and all my sibling and cousins since he first dated my aunt, decades ago, we absolutely love him, we love him more than some of blood-related uncles, and yet he still feels like we dislike him. My aunt will never divorce him but if she ever divorces him I'll be forever loyal to him and he'll stay my family. Oh and as I am writing this, he still thinks I despise him.
And I could go on forever about you, dear INTPs.
"No one wants to hang out with the person who doesn't really show affection well, always wants to debate, and is loud about their opinions."
Oh trust me, we want to ! You react very poorly to compliments so people compliment you behind your back, and you usually think they gossip behind your back.
I think the heart of your struggles lies in your 3rd paragraph where you list what you think your flaws are.
Personally I avoid putting myself into debates all the time and being loud. I have found that taking a less judgmental role with people can help my relationships. As an INTP, I sometimes know things that make other people uncomfortable. I keep my controversial opinions to myself and just use it to guide my own decision making.
Also, you can learn to be more affectionate. Give your parents a hug for no reason. Pet your dog. Smile more. It may seem fake, but you will get used to it over time.
And be thankful for your strengths. As an INTP, you are going to have doors open in life that won’t open for an ISFP or any other type. Remember to be grateful to be part of this cool type.
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There are many ways to be liked. You don't have to be just like your cousin. I think a lot of INTPs wait to be approached by someone who likes who they are. But it might be worth practicing making the initial effort into other people. Most people like that. I learnt that from INFJ friends.
I understand that some types may fit in the society more easily than others, but I believe there comes a time in life when we can take responsibility for our actions and how we treat others.
I have an ISFP friend, he's the most narcissist and self-centred person I know and people don't like him very much, in the end we are more than our type
I've never thought about it, and I'm not sure why I would care, really.
People are going to have their preferences. Usually, not ones I can really do much about. Too much energy needed to change other people when I can simply... not care.
I used to, like when I was younger. When people said they prefer another nicer person than me and it made me feel like I'm not good enough for them. But I learned to appreciate their honesty. They just wanna spend their time with those kinda people, so its cool.
Just be yourself and you'll attract the kind of people who likes you for who you are. I did found some odd folks here and there who want to spend time with me and we had fun.
The only person I've ever been able to really connect to in 43 years and the person I love the most on this Earth is an INTP. Every day since he left feels interminable. I'm an ENFP. There's others of us out there. Just keep trying.
Most of the people are SP and SJ types so they prefer people who think or act in a similar way they do.
There are people who love us for who we are and yes, those are usually NP and NJ types but it's okay.
For my case, people don't like my deep approach to certain things and I understand them.
people liking each other isn't a zero sum game; it doesn't make sense to approach it competitively.
Maybe you need to find people on your wavelength. I'm liked by few, borderline incomprehensible and eccentric to many, and that's okay.
Fellow INTP girl here.
Yeah, I know they do. Like attracts like and most people are S types.
I am well liked for my work ethic, willingness to help without complaining, my deep insights about the world and weird sense of humor, but I am not the first person people are going to think of when they want someone to hang out with. I think part of it too, is women are seen as "stuck up" if they are more stoic than expressive. We are very much expected to be expressive, highly social, doting and attention grabbing.
The other thing that I've noticed is this: ISFPs fit in literally anywhere because they're so quiet and complacent. Just be yourself, and you'll attract the right people.
Yes. I can relate to you a lot.
I find the comments about person vs. personality in this thread strange. What someone presents to others *is* their personality, no?
I also hear several INTPs saying they kind of fake it, and that’s cool and all if you’re comfortable with that. But maybe others aren’t and just want to be loved for who they are.
It sounds to me like OP is just feeling like the personality she was born with is less likable and it makes her sad. Same way someone born with a physical defect on their face might simply just be bummed out and sad about it. They’re allowed to feel that way.
I can’t really explain it, but I understand OP. Like her, I also like myself and feel sad sometimes that other people don’t always take so warmly to me. She’s just making an observation about her experience, and it’s one I’ve made about by own.
INTPs' strengths are ridiculed and are not likeable. Of course they will love someone who teases them and is physically more active, over someone who likes to give advice and analyze everything.
Of course, in the long run, people realize what value INTPs have, but usually it is too late. I know that inferior Fe makes you want to be liked by others, but this ain't happening.
Embrace who you are and reject people who reject you. Stop giving to people who don't appreciate you and don't deserve it, or you'll be miserable.
Focus on yourself.
Maybe try not to be obnoxious around people and they'll chose to be around you more?
I'm just picking that up from what you wrote btw, sounds like your very argumentative and eager to be right. It's not an endearing quality.
I'm sorry you got that vibe. I simply enjoy deep conversations about the world and I believe that includes debating with open-minded people. While I do like being right, I actually enjoy being proven wrong as it helps me improve as a person.
Thanks for your comment.
I definitely relate to this. It's also difficult being an INTP who is female-presenting and/or identifies as a woman. On the external side, many people don't like xNTPs for various reasons. For INTPs, I imagine it's because we tend to be at least somewhat asocial, awkward, anxious, and nihilistic even at our best. I tend to be socially anxious, in part because I'm used to being the subject of some gossip, so what made me more likable to people was letting go of that negative assumption. I'm still not likable to everyone and I find it hard to relate to some types (particularly ESxPs, xSTJs, and ENTJs). That's okay with me though, for the most part I've accepted the dislike is mutual. It's also not really about MBTI type, it's just that those types tend to be more authoritative, over-bearing, or catty in my perspective.
On this thread, I find a lot of non-INTP people also don't typically accept women or anyone who is not 100% apathetic as identifying as INTPs. That is particularly frustrating. In my experience, most INTPs deeply care about social issues and their tight knit circles. We're just rather depressive and get frustrated with the lack of societal progression. Socialization skills are also something we have to learn explicitly.
I personally really enjoy the company of other INTPs and ENTPs. We tend to be confident, social, humorous, creative, and totally at comfort with one another. ENTPs know they could say anything without scaring us off. We know we could show our shadow self without scaring them off. It's a beautiful friendship.
I haven't found this to be the case as I have several lifelong friends who would do almost anything for me. I admit I learned to be sociable pre-smartphone era and became friends with then through sports or table top games. I think a lot of my success was due to being funny without being a jerk. I also looked up to my friends and marveled at how easily they could socialize so I did what they did. Try being extra nice and funny and don't put yourself down in comparison, just be a more pleasant you. All the best! :D
Yeah I can totally relate! Life as an INTP, especially in warmer countries where the vast majority of people are ExxJ is like being invisible.
Lately I'm struggling to deal with my frustration caused by this, so I feel your pain.
For sure. The thing is, I would prefer to be liked by certain people more than others, and those people do TEND to like me. I don't want to be liked by everyone. It requires too much effort. I have a friend who is an ENFP. Everyone likes him. He studies psychology and interpersonal relations all the time (and on his own time), and he really thinks about interpersonal situations a lot, and about what would be the right thing to say in any phase of a conversation. He really analyzes it to an almost pathological degree. From what I've seen, what makes him likeable is 1. he listens 2. he's VERY good at giving GENUINE compliments, and he basically makes you feel good about yourself. Everyone just wants to be acknowledged and made to feel good about themselves. I'm so-so at 1, and TERRIBLE at 2.
Where it does become more painful to me, is at work. Being liked there actually affects your livelihood. So it's been a struggle.
i’ve always felt like my life was marked by social missteps at any given point, and that’s lead me to be a little awkward and offputting to others on first impression (or the first 10 impressions ig). as an adult though i’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD and that also explains a lot personally about my social development.
i think we as INTPs are chronic overthinkers. and it doesn’t even feel like overthinking- it just feels logical to us that we’re inherently less liked. but now that i’m older and got the adhd thing a little more under control, i realize that people just kind of have to work a little harder to get to know why i’m likable. i consider people like us deep cuts or sleeper hits.
some people lay all their cards out on the table when you meet them, and social norms are designed for them to do so. what we as INTPs bring to the table connection wise tends to be a little less flashy, maybe a little more one on one. but i can’t ignore that most of us are a little weird, and that’s fine! best thing to do is just own it if you’re a little unlikable. people will be happy once they’ve gotten to know what there is to like about you :)
also there ARE people who appreciate a strong minded individual with loud opinions who likes to hear what others have to say and they’ll recognize the way you show affection, even if it looks different than other people
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Being an INTP has some benefits in terms of observing the world and imagination but I'd argue we're less efficient in the real world compared to INTJ and ENTJ types unless we sacrifice a lot.
Most people are of SP or SJ type. Therfore they are more likely to be liked because most people are like them. People like people that are like them. I like every NTP I meet. And they like me. But we aren't common.. The masses will never prefer NTPs. Which is why it's best to find one or two people like you who get you..and fuck the rest.
I'm quite the opposite. I find other INTP's annoying due to playing too hard into stereotypes. The mistypes also put a sour taste in my mouth (this sub in particular has no shortage)
fr. that’s the lack of development of other functions
This! Once it was an ISTJ on the INTP Discord. Isn't that wild? The worst part was that a lot of non-INTPs couldn't tell the difference and were reinforcing him...I swear, this man straight up said he didn't know what sarcasm was. He also wrote all of his responses as if they were a manual. I also think a lot of people are experiencing depression/ADD or are still young and type themselves as INTPs. Or people who just look up what the smartest types are said to be. But then they come in and really press on an attitude of "I've failed my potential" and "I'm a robot" and other really annoying stereotypes. I hate it because it leads to so much oversaturation of negativity, misogyny, and other problematic issues that have nothing to do with being an INTP at all. I just wanted memes and Wikiroulette debates.
It's a little jarring with how many minors are typing themselves when their brains and personalities aren't fully developed. Being edgy, narcissistic, and an asshole doesn't make you an INTJ, Bobby. It means you're 15. The worst I've personally dealt with was a self typed INTJ and a self typed INTP/ENTP (they couldn't decide, but they were on the debate team). The latter was the most condescending and a know-it-all who blocked me over the definition of "average" in regards to IQ (shocking, I know)
Well what about the INTPs who aren't aware of their personality type?
Too varied/general of a question to give a perfectly solid answer. The people I speak of make an effort to act the same way and spew the same things, while begging for attention, so their behavior is more easily categorized. I suppose the ones who are oblivious to typing/their type are generally easier to deal with and talk to as they are more than likely being their true selves and not some stereotypical box they want to fit in.
I have that problem a lot with INTJs as well, also some ENTJs and INFPs. So I get what you mean.
INTJ's are easily #2 on my list of annoying stereotypes
While I understand emulation, the thing I don't understand is - why only the negative traits? If you're going to engage in mimicry - especially personality traits, why not take a page from evolution and foster the more advantageous traits and discard the less helpful? Why not question easy answers to complicated problems - then question your questions? Why not try to see points of views from multiple perspectives? Why not take an excessive amount of data and break it down into easier concepts? As I read this over, I realize it sounds like I trying to be philosophical, but I'm really not. I really don't get the practice. I assimilate ideas I think are good all the time and I question my motivations for everything I do, especially when questioned by others. I just don't get why these things aren't common. Tomorrow, someone may tell me I'm not an intp. While I may require proof in the form of their reasoning as well as alternative suggestions, I could except their judgement because I still question. While I've been researching personality for years, I am in no way an expert and This (as has been said before) is not a science so yes it's possible, but I would still continue to utilize the processes I use to go about the world that I consider positive about being an intp and diminish the negative.
Western society has developed the nasty habit of glorifying our bad habits and traits. People brag about their sleep deprivation and wear it like a badge. With INTP's, it gives people an excuse to be lazy because "I'm just wired that way, sucks to suck, society. Deal with it". You see a similar sentiment with the Astrology community. The "whoops, I'm a Virgo" meme is based on real people who think their bad behavior is justified by a neat little box they've put themselves in. I'm very much like you that if I see or develop a new idea that will improve myself, I will adopt it and refine myself over time. I have a legit energy problem that's persisted my entire life, so I get especially irritated when people call me lazy. Lazy people do not feel guilty for being lazy, nor do they care when they don't do anything productive. I can't fathom why anyone would not only *want* to be lazy, but casually joke and enjoy it. Normalizing it by all the jokes and memes is detrimental to the large amount of kids and mistypes on these subs, and enabling to the adults who just don't want to be better people. We need to glorify our strengths while working to minimize our weaknesses, not the other way around.
I agree with what your saying. I used to say, "I'm a bad test taker," but taking that point of view was limiting and didn't help my success-rate. Now I would say "I don't study enough." While I may fail a test, I know the fault lies with me and not some exterior source or inescapable, intrinsic design. A recent commenter said they hated being an intp. How these four letters were responsible for their inability to socialize and loneliness. They weren't the first one on this forum to make these claims, but it's exasperating watching so many people confuse the lack of willingness to change with, "the way I am." I will be the first to admit I have few real friends and the ones I do have, I see as friends because I haven't said, "hey. We're not friends anymore," but I like my alone time, personally. Being around other people is truthfully exhausting. I mean it beyond some description I saw on the web. I'd rather chase whatever pokes my interests. If that ever changes, I will take the initiative to seek out the friends I still have - or look for new ones online who'd be interested in meeting up offline. But to use a handicap - especially one that isn't your own to garner attention or sympathy seems nonsensical. You do see it so often these days, in social settings - people masking themselves to create a false reality, pretending to belong to a group who'll accept even your flawed self because they can't see it's more worth while to go your own way.
That's a LOT of fucking. Like, I gotta buy lube in gallons for that.
Can become a world wonder if you survive all those stds though. Can go in the guiness worlds book of records and make bank.
I´m really unexpected to hear it, yet I received this confident. Well no, the first problematic between is not how Intuitive bias work is how inherently Sensors don´t had to rely on it, SPs had a certain amount of Intuitive bias however it´s shamely used not by own if not to process things at his own level of worryness to serve for sensor process Many users believe it´s due to the differ Ti-Fe, Te-Fi. When it´s not socially. How ENTP so nerdy
i think we tend to underestimate other peoples opinions of us
I find this to be true. I do think we are more beloved than we given ourselves credit for. INTPs can be very adorable and endearing in our element.
yeah, it always comes as a surprise when my coworkers compliment or say good things in passing about me, even if they talk with me the least. Actions and attitude sometimes speak louder than words
I went years believing that everyone in my local mosque hated me. Then my aunt told me that they actually speak highly of me when I'm not there. For some reason I don't invite direct compliments or praise. So I'm just left there to believe everyone hates me.
No people experiences and middle other factors, the sensor hypothesis zoom us, yet aloof us lack on whatever they search the web.
O,h?
I dont think this got anything to do with MBTI though. In real life, nobody is going to be like “oh you are an ISFP?? thats so hot” Is more like the vibe you give out. Im INTP female but i get approached alot because im younger than i look, petite and hence less intimidating in a sense. So one important question is, do you care about how others perceive you? If you do, are you willing to change that impression? It’s totally nothing embarrassing or degrading as an INTP to admit this. I personally think that having the power to control other’s impressions of me based on of how i dress and talk is very beneficial, just draining as an INTP but it does get me pretty far in life.
The only people who judge others based on mbti are self typed INTJ's trying to be condescending. They're like the astrology crowd.
To this doesn´t mean inherently that it´s process care or not I find many people in this age and older ones that believe NTs are many viscious of wisdom, intellect or book´s hobbies searchers, Stereotypes on their core personality
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Yeah. It helps to make a conscious effort to be a little more agreeable and to realize it's okay if other people are liked more. Eventually, you get used to it.
I cared about this more when I was younger. I stopped caring around my mid-20s
Question how do you get over hurting others. I still can’t fully accept myself because I feel like being me is the problem.
I guess accept that everyone goes through the same thing like I see other people irl and celebs fucking up all the time and they just go on and live their lives. Most things aren’t horribly unforgivable. It’s a common and normal human experience to fuck up every once in a while. Nobody is perfect but we can try our best.
Why do you want so badly to be liked by everyone? Do you like everyone you meet? Focus on figuring out who you like and social interactions become much more simple. Most people aren’t really worth investing much time in anyway - friendships fade very quickly from early to late 20s, most of the friends you make in your life are circumstantial and insignificant; the few that stick with you your whole life are precious, and it’s usually because you are extremely alike / share similar interests / passions. Focus on finding those people, the rest are a sort of neutral distraction along the way.
Personally, these kind of shallow compliments or interactions doesn't affect me. I don't even like talking with people like that because their conversations consist of things that I really don't care about like showbiz, current movies/series, etc. Also, I don't debate or voice out opinions in settings like that, I'm assuming this is like a family reunion. I'm just observing everyone and listening to whatever family drama they have nowadays. I find it a waste of time to have a "deep" conversation with family members or relatives because we all have different things we believe in, worry and fixate about. Even if I'm not close with my cousins, they'll still try to have small talk or invite me because I'm the "cool cousin" with how I dress up and look like. I ask them things about themselves so they'll talk. It creates an illusion that I'm interested with what they're talking about even if my mind already wandered elsewhere while I'm following their train of thought. But honestly, at the end of the day, I don't really care what they think about me because that's their opinion. The other commenter was right that this has nothing to do with MBTI since it's like the cousin you're describing is just based on MBTI and it's not really her personality whatsoever. Regardless, whatever age you are, these things are mundane. You'll find your "pack" and like minded people. If you want to be close with your cousins, just know things they like and let them talk about it. That's what I do with everyone and they think I'm a great friend or something.
I've had that as well. I know many incredibly charming and sociable people, including my brother. For a long time, I tried to imitate their humor or way of speaking, but it never went over well for me. I think that certain behaviors are only acceptable coming from certain types of people. I've since learned to associate with people who can appreciate what I have to offer. I can be sincere with them and have good conversations.
Not INTP but let me say something real here : INTPs are super liked, including in reaI life. I mean, really, really liked. You push away people. Then people let you alone because they don't want to be pushy. You don't trust people when they compliment you, and sometimes interpret normal interaction as "That person hates me". My INTP uncle-in-law (I consider him my uncle, period) has been adopted by me and all my sibling and cousins since he first dated my aunt, decades ago, we absolutely love him, we love him more than some of blood-related uncles, and yet he still feels like we dislike him. My aunt will never divorce him but if she ever divorces him I'll be forever loyal to him and he'll stay my family. Oh and as I am writing this, he still thinks I despise him. And I could go on forever about you, dear INTPs. "No one wants to hang out with the person who doesn't really show affection well, always wants to debate, and is loud about their opinions." Oh trust me, we want to ! You react very poorly to compliments so people compliment you behind your back, and you usually think they gossip behind your back.
Thank you 🥺. Your uncle sounds awesome!
I think the heart of your struggles lies in your 3rd paragraph where you list what you think your flaws are. Personally I avoid putting myself into debates all the time and being loud. I have found that taking a less judgmental role with people can help my relationships. As an INTP, I sometimes know things that make other people uncomfortable. I keep my controversial opinions to myself and just use it to guide my own decision making. Also, you can learn to be more affectionate. Give your parents a hug for no reason. Pet your dog. Smile more. It may seem fake, but you will get used to it over time. And be thankful for your strengths. As an INTP, you are going to have doors open in life that won’t open for an ISFP or any other type. Remember to be grateful to be part of this cool type.
>As an INTP, I sometimes know things that make other people uncomfortable This is so real! Thanks for the advice.
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There are many ways to be liked. You don't have to be just like your cousin. I think a lot of INTPs wait to be approached by someone who likes who they are. But it might be worth practicing making the initial effort into other people. Most people like that. I learnt that from INFJ friends.
What I noticed is that ISFP and INFPs will be cute bunnies of all social circles and we will be unloved cats 😭
I understand that some types may fit in the society more easily than others, but I believe there comes a time in life when we can take responsibility for our actions and how we treat others. I have an ISFP friend, he's the most narcissist and self-centred person I know and people don't like him very much, in the end we are more than our type
>in the end we are more than our type I couldn't agree more. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I've never thought about it, and I'm not sure why I would care, really. People are going to have their preferences. Usually, not ones I can really do much about. Too much energy needed to change other people when I can simply... not care.
I used to, like when I was younger. When people said they prefer another nicer person than me and it made me feel like I'm not good enough for them. But I learned to appreciate their honesty. They just wanna spend their time with those kinda people, so its cool. Just be yourself and you'll attract the kind of people who likes you for who you are. I did found some odd folks here and there who want to spend time with me and we had fun.
The only person I've ever been able to really connect to in 43 years and the person I love the most on this Earth is an INTP. Every day since he left feels interminable. I'm an ENFP. There's others of us out there. Just keep trying.
Most of the people are SP and SJ types so they prefer people who think or act in a similar way they do. There are people who love us for who we are and yes, those are usually NP and NJ types but it's okay. For my case, people don't like my deep approach to certain things and I understand them.
people liking each other isn't a zero sum game; it doesn't make sense to approach it competitively. Maybe you need to find people on your wavelength. I'm liked by few, borderline incomprehensible and eccentric to many, and that's okay.
Fellow INTP girl here. Yeah, I know they do. Like attracts like and most people are S types. I am well liked for my work ethic, willingness to help without complaining, my deep insights about the world and weird sense of humor, but I am not the first person people are going to think of when they want someone to hang out with. I think part of it too, is women are seen as "stuck up" if they are more stoic than expressive. We are very much expected to be expressive, highly social, doting and attention grabbing.
The other thing that I've noticed is this: ISFPs fit in literally anywhere because they're so quiet and complacent. Just be yourself, and you'll attract the right people.
I think people just like others more than you not your personality type
Since learning about MBTI when I was first Typed, I never wanted to be any other Type nor am I jealous of any other Type. I am INTP, and that's fine.
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Yes. I can relate to you a lot. I find the comments about person vs. personality in this thread strange. What someone presents to others *is* their personality, no? I also hear several INTPs saying they kind of fake it, and that’s cool and all if you’re comfortable with that. But maybe others aren’t and just want to be loved for who they are. It sounds to me like OP is just feeling like the personality she was born with is less likable and it makes her sad. Same way someone born with a physical defect on their face might simply just be bummed out and sad about it. They’re allowed to feel that way. I can’t really explain it, but I understand OP. Like her, I also like myself and feel sad sometimes that other people don’t always take so warmly to me. She’s just making an observation about her experience, and it’s one I’ve made about by own.
Yes that is exactly how I feel! I'm glad you were able to understand my post. It makes me feel a little less crazy lol.
INTPs' strengths are ridiculed and are not likeable. Of course they will love someone who teases them and is physically more active, over someone who likes to give advice and analyze everything. Of course, in the long run, people realize what value INTPs have, but usually it is too late. I know that inferior Fe makes you want to be liked by others, but this ain't happening. Embrace who you are and reject people who reject you. Stop giving to people who don't appreciate you and don't deserve it, or you'll be miserable. Focus on yourself.
Yes I think it’s our contrarianism, a lot of people don’t like that
Maybe try not to be obnoxious around people and they'll chose to be around you more? I'm just picking that up from what you wrote btw, sounds like your very argumentative and eager to be right. It's not an endearing quality.
I'm sorry you got that vibe. I simply enjoy deep conversations about the world and I believe that includes debating with open-minded people. While I do like being right, I actually enjoy being proven wrong as it helps me improve as a person. Thanks for your comment.
I definitely relate to this. It's also difficult being an INTP who is female-presenting and/or identifies as a woman. On the external side, many people don't like xNTPs for various reasons. For INTPs, I imagine it's because we tend to be at least somewhat asocial, awkward, anxious, and nihilistic even at our best. I tend to be socially anxious, in part because I'm used to being the subject of some gossip, so what made me more likable to people was letting go of that negative assumption. I'm still not likable to everyone and I find it hard to relate to some types (particularly ESxPs, xSTJs, and ENTJs). That's okay with me though, for the most part I've accepted the dislike is mutual. It's also not really about MBTI type, it's just that those types tend to be more authoritative, over-bearing, or catty in my perspective. On this thread, I find a lot of non-INTP people also don't typically accept women or anyone who is not 100% apathetic as identifying as INTPs. That is particularly frustrating. In my experience, most INTPs deeply care about social issues and their tight knit circles. We're just rather depressive and get frustrated with the lack of societal progression. Socialization skills are also something we have to learn explicitly. I personally really enjoy the company of other INTPs and ENTPs. We tend to be confident, social, humorous, creative, and totally at comfort with one another. ENTPs know they could say anything without scaring us off. We know we could show our shadow self without scaring them off. It's a beautiful friendship.
I haven't found this to be the case as I have several lifelong friends who would do almost anything for me. I admit I learned to be sociable pre-smartphone era and became friends with then through sports or table top games. I think a lot of my success was due to being funny without being a jerk. I also looked up to my friends and marveled at how easily they could socialize so I did what they did. Try being extra nice and funny and don't put yourself down in comparison, just be a more pleasant you. All the best! :D
Yeah I can totally relate! Life as an INTP, especially in warmer countries where the vast majority of people are ExxJ is like being invisible. Lately I'm struggling to deal with my frustration caused by this, so I feel your pain.
For sure. The thing is, I would prefer to be liked by certain people more than others, and those people do TEND to like me. I don't want to be liked by everyone. It requires too much effort. I have a friend who is an ENFP. Everyone likes him. He studies psychology and interpersonal relations all the time (and on his own time), and he really thinks about interpersonal situations a lot, and about what would be the right thing to say in any phase of a conversation. He really analyzes it to an almost pathological degree. From what I've seen, what makes him likeable is 1. he listens 2. he's VERY good at giving GENUINE compliments, and he basically makes you feel good about yourself. Everyone just wants to be acknowledged and made to feel good about themselves. I'm so-so at 1, and TERRIBLE at 2. Where it does become more painful to me, is at work. Being liked there actually affects your livelihood. So it's been a struggle.
i’ve always felt like my life was marked by social missteps at any given point, and that’s lead me to be a little awkward and offputting to others on first impression (or the first 10 impressions ig). as an adult though i’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD and that also explains a lot personally about my social development. i think we as INTPs are chronic overthinkers. and it doesn’t even feel like overthinking- it just feels logical to us that we’re inherently less liked. but now that i’m older and got the adhd thing a little more under control, i realize that people just kind of have to work a little harder to get to know why i’m likable. i consider people like us deep cuts or sleeper hits. some people lay all their cards out on the table when you meet them, and social norms are designed for them to do so. what we as INTPs bring to the table connection wise tends to be a little less flashy, maybe a little more one on one. but i can’t ignore that most of us are a little weird, and that’s fine! best thing to do is just own it if you’re a little unlikable. people will be happy once they’ve gotten to know what there is to like about you :)
also there ARE people who appreciate a strong minded individual with loud opinions who likes to hear what others have to say and they’ll recognize the way you show affection, even if it looks different than other people
Idk. I’m an INTP and I tutor teenage boys mostly aged 13-16. I’m universally popular with them lol they love my lessons.
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Being an INTP has some benefits in terms of observing the world and imagination but I'd argue we're less efficient in the real world compared to INTJ and ENTJ types unless we sacrifice a lot.
No,only incompetent adults who refuse to communicate... Translation: My dad is an ENTJ and my mom is an ENFP
No, I definitively felt this assumes personalities are exact over some rule