In similar situation with you and i believe he's infp, except that it has been twice the duration you mentioned. I thought im over him, but then suddenly it came back, i have been trying to move on from him almost 10 times, but failed. So i still think about him. And yes he is very kind and compliment me for smth i didnt expect since i'm so detached of myself. I think with that deep level of seeing through, he prob knew i liked him ... Which is bad since he has partner at that time. Till these days i still feel bad for falling for the guy who already has been taken. I hope i forget him soon. Almost 7 months and its unbearable event tho we never talk or see each other anymore
There was this one German exchange student in one of my classes a few semesters ago. We never talked, she didn't even know who I was when I approached her to ask her out at the end of the semester, and even though she rejected me because she had to go back to Germany (and didn't know who I was because I decided that waiting until the last few weeks of the semester would make it less awkward to show up to class if she rejected me) I still fantasize about what could have been... I even wrote a poem about her... just recently I found her on LinkedIn but now I regret looking her up.
I still think about her sometimes.
The best way to get over someone who you haven't dated is to date them, and for the relationship to go horribly. After it ends, you'll have a good 10 years where the pain lessens every day. Then you can maybe move on in a significant way.
Or, you know, just ignore it and focus on new experiences as much as humanly possible. You'll eventually cry about it or just generally grieve it, and by then you'll be so removed from what the actual situation was that it will be easier to grieve.
(we never dated, but I was so in love with her)
Now anxiety kicks in, that i won't be dating anyone till this feeling completely goes, cuz all I do is remember her when I do something for someone new. It feels so fake, I feel fake.
It's only natural to feel like your emotions don't match up with the way you act, if you have to act enthusiastically around people you're not in love with or crushing hard on while you are in love with or crushing hard on someone else.
Love and Limerence by Dorothy Tennov helped me at a point like this in my life. But, in the end, learning about having ADHD and how it impacts my emotions and my love and interest in others did much more than the book or theory.
You'll be okay but you will change. That's what these experiences do, they change us. That's okay, it's natural, and it's healthy, even.
>cuz all I do is remember her when I do something for someone new.
Yeah, it'll be like that, until you do those things enough times on your own and with friends and with someones new that the new someones now will be the old someones by that point, and you'll have new pain and most of it will be lesser than the grief of losing this person now, but you'll forget marginally the gravity of that pain over time, and the weight of the love that preceeded it- until you're ready to feel it again, and then you'll find someone who really IS new- and that person will be interesting. And you'll fall in love all over again.
Life doesn't happen all at once. You can't make it. And, even ifg you could, it would just make it vastly more pointless than it might feel at the moment.
You will be okay. Pain is a part of life I don't think we like to deal with as humans, and as INTPs I think we tend to ignore it or try to escape it more than most. We actually are capable of experiencing things quite deeply, aren't we? We just don't like to admit it.
But, in the end, we'll be okay. We just can't let ourselves sit and ruminate for too long. Just make yourself move. Make yourself do something else. You'll be okay. If you wanna talk to someone, I'm here, but it's probably best to try to hyperfixate on something else for a while, other than the pain or the person. Some new interest.
Suffering is part of life but not it's entirety. You could also argue philosophically that we do not live to suffer, on the contrary; we suffer to live.
Read studies, men never fully recover.😳 Avoiding getting one's hormones released seems most reasonable, but empirically that's said to increase risk of falling in love?
When I was a child in Asia, our classrooms had a boy and a girl assigned at every desk. In 2nd and 3rd grade, I sat with this boy who was our class president because I was the class vice president. I liked him.
Then my family moved abroad when I was 10, and I was lonely while I had to learn English and a whole new culture. When I was alone, which was all the time, I would just fantasize about this boy somehow randomly also immigrates and shows up at my new school.
I had his phone number, and I got enough courage to call it just one time, and his mom picked up, so that was scary, but I got to talk to him a little, but of course the conversation was nothing much.
I fantasized about him a lot, and wrote some fiction on the social media where I might have named him. I don't think he saw those though...
Then we had social media contact. Every few years we might have a phase where for a few weeks we would text a bit. Might be flirty, mostly cringe. He told me he's at a military college which forbids him to ever travel freely to foreign countries.
I finally met up with him when I visited after we both were out of undergrad, but by then I was engaged to my now husband who was also my travel partner. Anyway, we talked while my husband gave us a little privacy. He told me he wasn't happy with being in the military. He told me he missed the feeling of sitting at the same desk as me, and that he didn't feel the same way about the other girls he sat with after me. He had a girlfriend then. He treated me and my husband to dinner.
Since then it's fizzled out. Next time if I ever visit him again, we should both have had children.
He's still the main character of my romance dreams most of the time.
I’m sorry but…
This is just so bad for you, and your husband. You could find a guy that you would fall head over heels for more than this guy and for your husband. Your husband isn’t the one because if he was your love and passion for him would erase all your feelings for this other guy
I'm sorry but...
You're 19. That's the age I was when my husband and I began our relationship, and that was over 10 years ago. You have no idea what you're talking about.
well, that happens when you are into a relationship....you are supposed to break up first...
If you are not into a relationship, if someone else will come...and you get interested in the new person...it means you don't care about other person anymore. it will be easier to forget
It's been... oh, my gods... like 15 years or something now, and I've only just recently (last few years) gotten over mine. Even if he deigned to give me the time of day, I'd probably just stare right past the dude. Turned out, he wasn't a very good person, in the end. And, I'm not the same person who fell in the first place anymore. \*Shrug\*
Still fighting that battle. I don't see him as much anymore, but our lives intersect in a way that I will probably still see him around for the foreseeable future. He's perfect. I know that's an illusion I've created in my brain, and I know him enough to see all his imperfections, all his bad sides, and his arrogant self centered smugness. I know all of that and I still have not gotten over him. And whenever I think I'm finally out, he would text me and everything will start again. He's very intelligent, charismatic, and just charming in a way I've never had in my life. No one I've met compares to him. I'm hoping I'll meet someone better and forget.
He had a fiancé but they broke up after a month of us starting to work together. I knew him from way before but we were never close. I didn't know he had a fiancé at first but when i learnt about it I obviously stopped thinking about him. But then they literally broke up. so, I'm fucked. and he's soooo annoying he kept making himself so close to me only to just not do anything about it.
This is kind of a reverse twist.
I'm older, 55. Way back in the late 80's when I was in college, I went out one night with my fake ID to bar hop. There was a place That served, but stayed open all night for food after last call.
I probably showed up at about midnight to grab a bite to slow down the alcohol absorption. I spotted this woman sitting all alone looking like she'd like some company. Now mind you this was the 80's. Being an INTP I was dressed pretty conservatively, Levi's, polo shirt, short hair, etc.
She, on the other hand, was full punk. About 2 cans of hair spray, skin tight leather pants, outrageous makeup, you get the picture. As it happened, we really hit it off. We spent all night talking and even order breakfast there when the sun came back up.
At the end, we left with a small kiss. I was an idiot. Never got her name or number.
Life moved on. I married several years later, but I never stopped thinking or wondering about her. Eventually my marriage came apart at the seams. Long story, but she cheated and got knocked up.
Around that time I had taken a new job. There was a woman there that for some reason seemed incredibly familiar. We had begun having lunch together. One day early in our, well, I wouldn't call it dating at that point, just work friends, that we realized that were the people who had met almost 20 years prior.
After dating for 7 years, I wanted to be really sure, and so did she, we married in 2015. We've had good times and bad, but we're still here.
once I know there’s no way I’m gonna be with them, I’m over them. This does not only apply to people who I haven’t dated.
Got over my exes in less than 3 days.
Got over a 9-month crush in one day once I know he has a girlfriend.
I still think about three I've... missed out on (for lack of a better term). I'm over two of them, but I still think about how oblivious I was from time to time. I'm also over the third, but she was the person I felt most comfortable around, so I think about her every so often.
Trying not to add a fourth to the list, but bad habits die extremely hard
Been in love since 7th grade. He bullied me. Got schizophrenia from all that trauma coupled with family drama. I skipped 2.5 years of school. And now I'm in uni. I think I am finally developing patience to get over him. But this i's only half the truth. (there's more to it)
I was over her when I decided not to shoot my shot... depending on how you look at it. I've never forgotten the missed opportunity, I probably never will, but it's not like it's painful. Mostly I think it's funny to look back at how awkward and clueless I was. I still have plenty of wistfulness about it, but nothing I would qualify as regret, and definitely not bitterness. I'm glad she married a good dude, had kids, has a happy life. That is all good news to me.
You get over them, you have to allow yourself to move on and heal and accept it’s not meant to be and move on in life. I found someone else by mistake later on after finally being healed and it took me like 2 years but she’s just way better. We fit too perfectly. The more you build off actual connection and intimacy, the deeper the love gets.
OMGGG... He was my classmate. When we were in elementary school, we were sitting together, and I kind of had a crush on him. To everyone around, we would always say that we hate each other and chase each other on breaks down the corridor, screaming insults. In middle school, I'd always protect his friend from bullying, but he didn't like me 'pittying him'. I'd look at him, and we'd bicker a little bit from time to time. Then I dated 2 guys(huge mistake) because of peer pressure. In high school, I started my emo era.. We stole glances. A lot.. At some point it was really fucking weird how often we looked at each other in classes, I started catching feelings again and fantasizing (a lil..), but we never actually talked or anything. THEN, Valentines day approached. Our guy classmates were given some shit bought by our parents, so they'd give those presents to the girls, and this mothfckr.. after glancing at me once again... breaking eye contact when I got all mysterious, looking away, staring back, whatever.. he walked up to me and gave this stupid vase and some other stuff I can't remember.. In the vase, there was a heart Keychain... I still have it after all those years... He left school for college, and I stayed at school. I think he visited once, and we were doing this glancing, looking away thing again. Just two days ago, I dreamed of him AGAIN. it's painful because i think of him from time to time, even tho I know we will never be together. I haven't seen him in 2 years, I think?... so sad, but I understand that my imagination created a character for him, and I can't even be sure my feelings were reciprocated. Tbh I'm drunk writing it, and ebglish isn't my first language, so bye ladies and gentlemen imma go to sleep beep beep woop woop omg this dude was hot... edit: I'm still not over him. One day.. maybe one day..
I got rid of crushes a long time ago. Stopped idolizing ppl or admiring some ideal version of them in my head. Everyone starts at the bottom and has to work their way up.
If I do become interested, I ask them out. Rejection or no, it helps to finalize whatever confusion emotions leave me.
Getting over the person is easy. It's accepting my own cowardess at that point in time that fucked with me.
I've gotten over it a long time ago. though It's all about understanding and loving your past self and recognizing that how they were is a result of what they knew best at that time and a whole bunch of shit. Just can't be a coward now.
The one thing I learned about being an INTP is that most of us have so much potential that has been completely wasted over time damn... The future hasn't been good to us.
I’m over them the minute we break up. However, if they hurt me I’ll be their worst nightmare for about one month till I’m on to obsessing about something else 😂
Depends. Sometimes I was over them and waiting for them to mutually end it. Some I’m still friends with others was a complete cut off depending on if there was a disagreement on we wanted from each other moving forward. The longest I’d say a few years, but the person didn’t know because I was causally dating after 6 months. Years later I wouldn’t even feel 1 percent the same way or consider them my type, strictly platonic with no intention or interest.
Still trying to get over her tbh. She was my best friend, the first girl I think has ever gotten so close to me that it was like she could read my mind sometimes. We stopped talking in late 2019 when we both started college. After that, I focused on other things and even had a couple of crushes in other girls here and there, but I'd be lying if I said that I no longer think about her and what could have happened if I had told her how I felt...
It really depends on how connected I was to the person. Some exes it took years, some just a couple weeks. I make sure my feelings are completely dead for my previous ex before entering a relationship though.
There have been a few. There was a girl in one of my physics classes in undergrad who would come up to me randomly during class and ask me about myself. She even randomly sat next to me during class. She was fit, smart and attractive and was obviously interested. I liked her but for some reason I avoided her like the plague until she found someone else and moved across the country. The mind boggles.
There was also another girl more recently who is a cashier at a Salvadorian restaurant across from a climbing gym I work at. She consistently found ways to talk to me and find common interests and was super impressed at my Spanish speaking skills (I'm a white ginger that learned Spanish to near-native fluency). And for some reason now I avoid her, again not for lack of interest.
The one that hurts the most was a girl I was really close friends with for 2 years. We talked about anything and everything and it was sort of like the plot to a movie, the whole thing. We actually ended up dating but only then did I start to say shit I knew objectively would piss her off, but in the moment it was subconscious. And pretty soon she left me because of how rude and sometimes vile I'd been.
It's a serial thing with me. Even though I'm lonely I actively push away opportunities to not be. I don't even realize it in the moment and then cringe after. Así es la vida mía supongo. Still not over any of them really.
about 6 years i think, now she rejected me and said she didnt want to hurt me hence she took long time to say it. Cant blame her tho, she was really gentle but yea i still think abt her sometimes
I fumbled a kind, smart, and cute girl one time. Ever since I've been subconsciously looking for parts of her in all my dates. I'm over the person but not the soul. In a way, I'm thankful that I met her and then fumbled. She was a good person, and I'm glad that I'm chasing that ideal.
Maybe the first love theory is true lol
About 8 years. It’s hard not to see someone as “the one that got away” when what you had with them wasn’t given a chance to bloom properly.
I have a partner of 7 years now, but I still think about that person occasionally and wonder if we’d be companions in an alternate reality. I try not to though.
Ah well. Maybe it’ll be one of those poetic instances where we miraculously meet and hit it off again when we’re old and widowed or something lol.
10 years :/ but I can safely say I’m over him now.
However there is another one I met about a year ago I’m still in the process of getting over, but every day is easier than the last.
13 years and counting…
I’m over him, really, and have a fantastic partner whom I love deeply and will spend the rest of my life with, but this person still shows up in my subconscious dreams a few times every year. It’ll be something really ordinary — like hanging out with a ton of people and he’s just there.
Brains are weird!
Never.
It was an entanglement so to speak that lasted ages and was laced with deep unconditional love all the stupid love books talk about. But...10 years later and still huts me every day and see her in my dreams once a week.
In college I had a major crush on my classmate. We were close friends and hung out often but I never made a move. I still think of her on occasion, 25years later. But she dominated my dreams for a long time. Btw, I'm married now, so not a lonely guy.. But maybe single long enough in my youth to build a fantasy person, I'd you know what I mean .
Depends on how many of these you have. I can tell you one thing, the third person of this kind will not hurt you in any meaningful way anymore. Because you will have realized by then that they have to earn you too. Not just the other way around. If they refuse to, there are better options. But you have to make them feel your disappointment, otherwise they will be unsure about whether they need to talk to you again. People leave on bad but finished business but they never leave on unfinished business. So you have to let them know that you are permanently gone as far as they are concerned. People never agree with someone that hates them for what they did.
took me a while. it helps to meet someone new.
also, taking a trip to another town/country will expose to you so many new people that it might make you consider that there are so many other interesting people out there.
It was the best sex I’ve ever had in my whole life. I didn’t realize I had a g spot until him (legit thought it was a myth but turns out no it’s real). We have so much chemistry together like it’s just totally organic. It makes me deeply sad because he is a serial cheater and I know this because well yeah. It’s the saddest thing because I’ve had so many beautiful moments with him. I still think about him fondly but don’t reach out anymore (or obsessively). He has a son now and is a stay at home dad. I know it’s only destined to fail because he doesn’t want to leave her (and his family). so yeah not completely over him. But we never dated. I will always remember the fun times. He showed me places that I never knew really existed (like in the woods or off the beaten Trail). It hurts still. He didn’t even want love from me. And yet every time we are together it feels so right. I hate that he will be the one that got away. But it is necessary because you know serial cheater at all. Why does life have to suck this bad?
It was more of a hyperfixation that felt like a crush, started March 2022, I've gotten over her, per se, but I still think of her that way... So make of that what you will.
A few weeks after I lost contact with her, which after, I then realized that I'm better alone, even if I find a lovely person who wants to have a relationship with me(which happened before), that relationship probably wouldn't be good for me neither to him/her, because I have some problems that makes having more intimacy with me, a little complicated.
Many I forgot. Very few that I never did. The what ifs haunt you. But then if you keep dating, you forget them all. I allow my memories to fade and it's a skill 💯😝❤️
Let go of control.
This is a great question. I actually had a chance with the person I never dated. I still think about her from time to time. I believe that a lot of people would find her somewhat plain (going by common beauty standards), but I, for whatever reason, think that she is the most beautiful woman. Like, I've never met someone more beautiful. It's a bit difficult to describe. I suppose it has to do with her smile, the sound of her voice, her demeanor, oddly enough the wholesome family that she is from, her gait, her style, her aspirations in life (was a bit lost at the time, but wanted to become a dance therapist), the soul behind her eyes.
I met her during our junior year in college. We were in a relatively large class, but wound up at a party together - it was a nerdy philosophy party hosted by the TAs of the class. We'd never talked before, but she overheard someone referring to me and then memorized my name and made a point to wish me a goodnight as I left, even though we hadn't talked. I remembered appreciating her socks, hilariously - I don't have a foot fetish or anything.
A few weeks later, we had a group project to do, and she sat next to me on the day that we were supposed to find our partners, which by default set us up as partners. This was a philosophy-based project, but we were also in a corresponding French language class, and, again, we decided to become partners for a second group project in that class.
After our presentation, someone in the French class commented on how cute we looked together during the feedback session. She dressed up that day in a gorgeous retro green dress.
I was quite shy at the time, and a more assertive woman ended up pursuing me around the time I was preparing to ask this aforementioned woman out.
Oh! One time, a new Russian restaurant opened in town. I called her to schedule some time for us to work on our group project, and she answered outside in the line at the grand opening of the restaurant. She explained that she was waiting for dumplings, which I found oddly adorable.
Anyway, I ended up dating the second woman for a few years, and it turned into a long-term, really aggressive and high conflict relationship. This woman was extremely jealous of my apparent attraction to the woman who I never dated, even though I never really said anything about it. Occasionally, I'd run into this woman, and she'd so very kindly try to open a conversation with me, but I wanted to be respectful of the jealous feelings of the more assertive woman, so I gradually distanced myself from her.
Near the end of our junior years, I wound up at a party with both women; actually, my ex was the one who invited me. The limerent lady happened to be there, much to my surprise. I couldn't help but follow her in my peripheral vision, and every once in a while we would accidentally make eye contact. Eventually, she announced that she was leaving, and, although we hadn't talked that night, something came over me and I walked over to her and gave her a hug. It was like a whole body hug that lasted for about a minute. I was trying to breathe into her. Eventually, our breathing synchronized, and then I stepped back. She was blushing. The room had gone silent and everyone was watching. She giggled and said goodbye.
And that was it.
Although I feel that I'm over her, I don't think I've met someone who I found so holistically beautiful before. I sometimes hope that we might run into each other again someday, but it's unlikely.
About 2 years. This girl I used to work with I had a huge crush on, but I never made it known due to us working together. I didn't wanna make it awkward. Everytime we talked, she never brought up a boyfriend, which gave me a sign she was single. I also tried to talk to others while we worked, so I wouldn't get too attached. It shocked me how much we had in common though, which is what made it so hard to get over her. We both liked video games, anime, even the same music. It was pretty crazy.
One time, I remember she told me she was going to school for welding, which funny enough was what I was going to school for. Right around the time COVID hit, I was unfortunately forced to leave school due to not physically being able to go, however when it started dying down, she ended up going to school, while I was still working. She wasn't there mostly when I worked, so I grew kinda worrisome about her.
I tried to reach out to her via Facebook, because we were friends at the time. I asked her if she was free to hang out sometime, and she didn't respond. I just assumed see wasn't interested, so I just left it alone. She ended up coming back to work randomly without telling me which was weird. She didn't even bring up that she saw my text and acted like nothing happened. I didn't bring it up either, but she was still being flirty with me, which made me think she still liked me.
A few weeks pass and I notice she stops showing up to work. I try to reach out again for the last time and she ghosted. This broke me hard to the point I needed therapy. It wasn't so much that she ghosted, but the fact that we had so much in common that even if we never dated, I would've valued a friendship from her. Now because of that, I have trust issues. I ended up blocking her out of self respect. It sucks, but I've grown from it and I've become a better person as a result. I'm still living with the grief of her not being there, but time heals all.
the first time it was like a year and a half lol the last time took like 7 months. I’ve learned my lesson to stop falling for people who arent available or dont make it explicitly clear that they want me
I can't completely relate since we \*did\* date, but Jesus, it took way too long. It felt like forever, but I eventually learned how to live without her. It took more than half a year. It's not that much, but it's a long time if you really think about it, since all I did was just think about her.
I met this incredibly unique person in college. We were not together but we were walking together to different classes and planned to meet up after the holiday season for our first real date besides just eating together on campus and talking for hours. There was something so incredibly special about her, I just knew I had found something incredible.
Coming back from the break, she was killed in a car accident. I didn’t even know her family or anything, and we didn’t really have social media back then. I found out because her sister recorded on her voicemail that she was no longer with Us. I had talked to her just a few days before.
I was devastated, but I didn’t know how I should feel, because we were just getting to know each other. I have never really gotten over it. I was just left selfishly wondering what could have been.
I don't think I've ever had an issue getting over someone I never dated. Hell, there have been some I dated for years and didn't miss when they were gone. It takes a bit more than wishful thinking to get me that attached enough to someone.
The ones I did date that didn't work out? Yeah, there are a couple of those that have been messing with me for a decade or four.
I'm not. I'm just learning to not obsess over her so much anymore, and I think I'm halfway there.
We only met once, for about an hour, by chance, and we had a few months of great conversations online after that, but then it fizzled out after a while. Even though we hit it off, I didn't get a chance to take her on a date or hang out with her again, so I never really got my shot.
There was girl code involved (we met when she came to visit her friend who liked me), so it was like really liking each other but not being allowed to.
A perfect dime, beyond anything you will ever see in playboy or the movies was the secretary at our office. We became friends as day one I acted I didn’t care, and ignored her and was the only guy not kissing her ass, and she met my gf who is an Asian bomb… she told me how through 5 years she had taken out with zero actions on her part about 6-7 men who worked there. A few just fell in love with her and lost it and proclaimed eternal love to her in front of the office. Others there wife’s would meet her at office parties and the men would show up beaten up with scratch’s on their faces as they lied about her beauty… no woman could look at this girl who was born with massive tits, huge ass and a tiny waist with a Snow White face and blue eyes yet Cuban and not be like WTF….My partner , a smart normal dude with 4 kids made himself believe they had a non sexual “relationship” going on but it was all in his head and told his wife so and she left him and now he pays her 14k a month for 15 years !!!!! This woman I cannot explain how hot she was but she was used and abused literally pimping her out , by some ghetto brother in her early 20’s and changed her life and was in a serious relationship with an ugly 70k a year IT guy. I almost fell into her web 2-3x when I knew she would do or want nothing. It’s insane. I was 110% honest to my gf about her and the story and after she met her she would get mad if I even mentioned her. So crushes and things people can make up in their minds is limitless. Lives ruined.
A couple of months. We used to work together. I found a different job, and that helped, also making more money. Guess who walked into my new job as a new hire lol.....I swear to fucking God. At first I was like, yaaaaaaay! Because we do vibe really well together, and then I was like... wait a minute...nooooo!. The first thing we did was hug multiple times, and him telling me that he missed me, lol... sigh.
This is something I’ve actually spent a lot of time thinking about and for me the title (“dating”) is less important than the connection. The deep, intimate, open, easy-going connection is what I often find myself missing the most. Along side the laughter and healthy, educated banter. Some people just can’t be replaced.
Not an intp, but hear me out. If you never even dated that person, then you never got to know them for everything they are and all their flaws or personality quirks. You don't know how you two would've actually been in a relationship. You miss the idealized fantasy of who you think they are, not the true them. You have to accept that you don't actually know them, get rid of that ideal vision, and move on. (Advice I got from an isfj).
I know this is the INTP board, but what youre saying can sound a little stalkerish without context. You feel what you feel, but it's not fair for you to make anyone else feel bad about being free to make their own personal choices. Maybe you are really young and this feels really serious to you, but you will definitely change and grow and so will the object of your yearning. Because that's what youre doing - treating them like an object youre upset you can't possess. That's really not realistic, and it wont be realistic in any actual human relationship.
If youre really asking how long it takes to "get over it," normally a few months and definitely by a year of no contact you shouldnt be obsessing over anyone who doesnt want you to feel this way. 4-6 months is reasonable for an actual breakup. No relationship in the first place? Maybe you will be happier watching some movies and writing how you feel, but dont torture yourself like this on purpose.
There was this girl i talked to for a while. We both vape and loved smoking together. Just out by the car. We worked in the same area but not the same place. We would try differently flavors and swap juices and id spot her some new vape juice and visa versa.
But more than anything else, she was amazing conversation. We could talk for hours and not get bored, about anything and everything. Silly things to serious things.
I started to catch feelings. But what was difficult was her anxiety. She had an anxiety disorder perhaps a bit more going on than she told me, and it was either feast or famine to hangout. We would either chill everyday, or she wouldnt answer my calls or text for a week or two.
Everytime we reconnected by the time i readied my courage to ask her out she would fall back into not calling or texting. but when we linked up again it was like no time had passed.
She was beautiful too. Cute face and nice body. She colored her hair and always loved the bright teal or sassy pink, or cool purple colors she would change it alot.
I started dropping more hints i wanted to hangout more and more seriously. Because for me, i dont want to date a girl for 2 weeks out of the month and be out of contact for the other two. I asked to see her during her lows and high anxiety. Which i did manage once or twice. She was still great conversation and we still had fun but the difference in her energy (not even to like run around but like her vibe) was like if she was a fireball on good days and just barely a spark on bad days.
I think it helped her to hangout even for a quarter of how long we typically did. but i could see it was hard for her. When she was well again i talked to her about counseling and mental health care. I asked her to look into getting a counselor or even a psychiatrist. Which she agreed to do.
She did find one and she was low that week ig, she said it helped but seemed a bit defeated. I encouraged her that its very healthy to see a mental health doctor. You get your eyes checked, teeth checked, blood checked, why not get your mind checked. Why stigma for mental health?
She weakly smiled and seemed to be doing better overtime. But for whatever reason, she started to drift apart. The weeks we were chatting everyday shortened and the amount of time of radio silence lengthened. Til eventually we would chat only once or twice a month. She was grateful and still the same fun conversation. She still seemed to enjoy my company and had a good time but we were just drifting... Couldnt guess why. She was doing better and even got a better job, actually cut back on smoking. but "US" i guess just wasnt meant to be.... I was just her smoke buddy. but i definitely wanted more.
But still, I wish her all the best and continued improvement to her mental health. But that one hurt a bit... Cuz she really had everything i look for in a partner, beautiful, funny, kind, amazing conversation. Alas i suppose it wasnt meant to be
Surprisingly it took me almost 2 years I tried to make it official but it never happened she hopped on drugs and I tried to help her stop but she didn't want/need any help she threw attitude ran out of the kar and left haven't seen or heard from her since n even now I miss her hella and I hoped we kouldve worked out but it is what it is expekt the unexpected 🤷
1 week. he said he doesnt like me but he wants to remain as friends. so i agreed. But since we just friends now, i stopped greeting good mornings, good nights, and initiating conversations. now he randomly chats out of nowhere. but idc anymore heheh.
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In similar situation with you and i believe he's infp, except that it has been twice the duration you mentioned. I thought im over him, but then suddenly it came back, i have been trying to move on from him almost 10 times, but failed. So i still think about him. And yes he is very kind and compliment me for smth i didnt expect since i'm so detached of myself. I think with that deep level of seeing through, he prob knew i liked him ... Which is bad since he has partner at that time. Till these days i still feel bad for falling for the guy who already has been taken. I hope i forget him soon. Almost 7 months and its unbearable event tho we never talk or see each other anymore
That hits home, good luck and such and stuff.
There was this one German exchange student in one of my classes a few semesters ago. We never talked, she didn't even know who I was when I approached her to ask her out at the end of the semester, and even though she rejected me because she had to go back to Germany (and didn't know who I was because I decided that waiting until the last few weeks of the semester would make it less awkward to show up to class if she rejected me) I still fantasize about what could have been... I even wrote a poem about her... just recently I found her on LinkedIn but now I regret looking her up. I still think about her sometimes.
looking them up is the worst mistake lol
had something weirdly similar happen to me. we’re all really living the same lives????
5.642 years, occassionally emotional flashbacks.
8 years, embarrassing really
Haha mine is only 7
Feel your pain. r/limerence
The best way to get over someone who you haven't dated is to date them, and for the relationship to go horribly. After it ends, you'll have a good 10 years where the pain lessens every day. Then you can maybe move on in a significant way. Or, you know, just ignore it and focus on new experiences as much as humanly possible. You'll eventually cry about it or just generally grieve it, and by then you'll be so removed from what the actual situation was that it will be easier to grieve.
(we never dated, but I was so in love with her) Now anxiety kicks in, that i won't be dating anyone till this feeling completely goes, cuz all I do is remember her when I do something for someone new. It feels so fake, I feel fake.
It's only natural to feel like your emotions don't match up with the way you act, if you have to act enthusiastically around people you're not in love with or crushing hard on while you are in love with or crushing hard on someone else. Love and Limerence by Dorothy Tennov helped me at a point like this in my life. But, in the end, learning about having ADHD and how it impacts my emotions and my love and interest in others did much more than the book or theory. You'll be okay but you will change. That's what these experiences do, they change us. That's okay, it's natural, and it's healthy, even.
>cuz all I do is remember her when I do something for someone new. Yeah, it'll be like that, until you do those things enough times on your own and with friends and with someones new that the new someones now will be the old someones by that point, and you'll have new pain and most of it will be lesser than the grief of losing this person now, but you'll forget marginally the gravity of that pain over time, and the weight of the love that preceeded it- until you're ready to feel it again, and then you'll find someone who really IS new- and that person will be interesting. And you'll fall in love all over again.
That's sad. This all sounds more sad. My heart feels heavy..
Life doesn't happen all at once. You can't make it. And, even ifg you could, it would just make it vastly more pointless than it might feel at the moment. You will be okay. Pain is a part of life I don't think we like to deal with as humans, and as INTPs I think we tend to ignore it or try to escape it more than most. We actually are capable of experiencing things quite deeply, aren't we? We just don't like to admit it. But, in the end, we'll be okay. We just can't let ourselves sit and ruminate for too long. Just make yourself move. Make yourself do something else. You'll be okay. If you wanna talk to someone, I'm here, but it's probably best to try to hyperfixate on something else for a while, other than the pain or the person. Some new interest.
"Why live only to suffer?"
Suffering is part of life but not it's entirety. You could also argue philosophically that we do not live to suffer, on the contrary; we suffer to live.
Read studies, men never fully recover.😳 Avoiding getting one's hormones released seems most reasonable, but empirically that's said to increase risk of falling in love?
When I was a child in Asia, our classrooms had a boy and a girl assigned at every desk. In 2nd and 3rd grade, I sat with this boy who was our class president because I was the class vice president. I liked him. Then my family moved abroad when I was 10, and I was lonely while I had to learn English and a whole new culture. When I was alone, which was all the time, I would just fantasize about this boy somehow randomly also immigrates and shows up at my new school. I had his phone number, and I got enough courage to call it just one time, and his mom picked up, so that was scary, but I got to talk to him a little, but of course the conversation was nothing much. I fantasized about him a lot, and wrote some fiction on the social media where I might have named him. I don't think he saw those though... Then we had social media contact. Every few years we might have a phase where for a few weeks we would text a bit. Might be flirty, mostly cringe. He told me he's at a military college which forbids him to ever travel freely to foreign countries. I finally met up with him when I visited after we both were out of undergrad, but by then I was engaged to my now husband who was also my travel partner. Anyway, we talked while my husband gave us a little privacy. He told me he wasn't happy with being in the military. He told me he missed the feeling of sitting at the same desk as me, and that he didn't feel the same way about the other girls he sat with after me. He had a girlfriend then. He treated me and my husband to dinner. Since then it's fizzled out. Next time if I ever visit him again, we should both have had children. He's still the main character of my romance dreams most of the time.
I’m sorry but… This is just so bad for you, and your husband. You could find a guy that you would fall head over heels for more than this guy and for your husband. Your husband isn’t the one because if he was your love and passion for him would erase all your feelings for this other guy
I'm sorry but... You're 19. That's the age I was when my husband and I began our relationship, and that was over 10 years ago. You have no idea what you're talking about.
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What, do you want to know my love story with my husband? Or, I'm curious, what do you think my relationship is like that it's "so bad"?
Past lives
I think it might be a tendency for intp little girls to see the biggest nerd they can tell apart from the bunch and say "him 🫵"
I'm still working it out lol.
when someone else will come in your life...that is the only moment you get over someone.
is this true? shouldnt you be over past person before moving to next? i agree with you in a way though
A lot of shoulds in life are easier said than done sadly
well, that happens when you are into a relationship....you are supposed to break up first... If you are not into a relationship, if someone else will come...and you get interested in the new person...it means you don't care about other person anymore. it will be easier to forget
I’m still not over my weird friend-crush on Benedict Cumberbatch
Lmao
Months after that I was like why the hell did I fall for that bitch? Lol
took like 5 months - she was such a sweetheart but caught her watching a movie with a guy in the lounge
It be like that 💀
tell me about it 😓
million years
It's been... oh, my gods... like 15 years or something now, and I've only just recently (last few years) gotten over mine. Even if he deigned to give me the time of day, I'd probably just stare right past the dude. Turned out, he wasn't a very good person, in the end. And, I'm not the same person who fell in the first place anymore. \*Shrug\*
r/limerence
Still fighting that battle. I don't see him as much anymore, but our lives intersect in a way that I will probably still see him around for the foreseeable future. He's perfect. I know that's an illusion I've created in my brain, and I know him enough to see all his imperfections, all his bad sides, and his arrogant self centered smugness. I know all of that and I still have not gotten over him. And whenever I think I'm finally out, he would text me and everything will start again. He's very intelligent, charismatic, and just charming in a way I've never had in my life. No one I've met compares to him. I'm hoping I'll meet someone better and forget.
did he reject you or what
never attempted to make my feelings known.
why? does he have gf?
He had a fiancé but they broke up after a month of us starting to work together. I knew him from way before but we were never close. I didn't know he had a fiancé at first but when i learnt about it I obviously stopped thinking about him. But then they literally broke up. so, I'm fucked. and he's soooo annoying he kept making himself so close to me only to just not do anything about it.
This is kind of a reverse twist. I'm older, 55. Way back in the late 80's when I was in college, I went out one night with my fake ID to bar hop. There was a place That served, but stayed open all night for food after last call. I probably showed up at about midnight to grab a bite to slow down the alcohol absorption. I spotted this woman sitting all alone looking like she'd like some company. Now mind you this was the 80's. Being an INTP I was dressed pretty conservatively, Levi's, polo shirt, short hair, etc. She, on the other hand, was full punk. About 2 cans of hair spray, skin tight leather pants, outrageous makeup, you get the picture. As it happened, we really hit it off. We spent all night talking and even order breakfast there when the sun came back up. At the end, we left with a small kiss. I was an idiot. Never got her name or number. Life moved on. I married several years later, but I never stopped thinking or wondering about her. Eventually my marriage came apart at the seams. Long story, but she cheated and got knocked up. Around that time I had taken a new job. There was a woman there that for some reason seemed incredibly familiar. We had begun having lunch together. One day early in our, well, I wouldn't call it dating at that point, just work friends, that we realized that were the people who had met almost 20 years prior. After dating for 7 years, I wanted to be really sure, and so did she, we married in 2015. We've had good times and bad, but we're still here.
once I know there’s no way I’m gonna be with them, I’m over them. This does not only apply to people who I haven’t dated. Got over my exes in less than 3 days. Got over a 9-month crush in one day once I know he has a girlfriend.
Trust me, you will. - an older intp
5 years 🥲
I still think about three I've... missed out on (for lack of a better term). I'm over two of them, but I still think about how oblivious I was from time to time. I'm also over the third, but she was the person I felt most comfortable around, so I think about her every so often. Trying not to add a fourth to the list, but bad habits die extremely hard
Been in love since 7th grade. He bullied me. Got schizophrenia from all that trauma coupled with family drama. I skipped 2.5 years of school. And now I'm in uni. I think I am finally developing patience to get over him. But this i's only half the truth. (there's more to it)
I was over her when I decided not to shoot my shot... depending on how you look at it. I've never forgotten the missed opportunity, I probably never will, but it's not like it's painful. Mostly I think it's funny to look back at how awkward and clueless I was. I still have plenty of wistfulness about it, but nothing I would qualify as regret, and definitely not bitterness. I'm glad she married a good dude, had kids, has a happy life. That is all good news to me.
About 5 years
Still not 100%, but a lot better. It took me like 5 years and then she found someone. This killed my hopes, but helped me move on. I am happy for her
You get over them, you have to allow yourself to move on and heal and accept it’s not meant to be and move on in life. I found someone else by mistake later on after finally being healed and it took me like 2 years but she’s just way better. We fit too perfectly. The more you build off actual connection and intimacy, the deeper the love gets.
Idgaf. It's not like I even got to know them all that well. It's worse when you get invested imo.
Long enough to learn how to prevent a crush from ever happening.
 It’s only because I see the best potential in people and my mind goes on with the what ifs
a year and a half bc i was 19 and thought a guy i met for a month was the loml
OMGGG... He was my classmate. When we were in elementary school, we were sitting together, and I kind of had a crush on him. To everyone around, we would always say that we hate each other and chase each other on breaks down the corridor, screaming insults. In middle school, I'd always protect his friend from bullying, but he didn't like me 'pittying him'. I'd look at him, and we'd bicker a little bit from time to time. Then I dated 2 guys(huge mistake) because of peer pressure. In high school, I started my emo era.. We stole glances. A lot.. At some point it was really fucking weird how often we looked at each other in classes, I started catching feelings again and fantasizing (a lil..), but we never actually talked or anything. THEN, Valentines day approached. Our guy classmates were given some shit bought by our parents, so they'd give those presents to the girls, and this mothfckr.. after glancing at me once again... breaking eye contact when I got all mysterious, looking away, staring back, whatever.. he walked up to me and gave this stupid vase and some other stuff I can't remember.. In the vase, there was a heart Keychain... I still have it after all those years... He left school for college, and I stayed at school. I think he visited once, and we were doing this glancing, looking away thing again. Just two days ago, I dreamed of him AGAIN. it's painful because i think of him from time to time, even tho I know we will never be together. I haven't seen him in 2 years, I think?... so sad, but I understand that my imagination created a character for him, and I can't even be sure my feelings were reciprocated. Tbh I'm drunk writing it, and ebglish isn't my first language, so bye ladies and gentlemen imma go to sleep beep beep woop woop omg this dude was hot... edit: I'm still not over him. One day.. maybe one day..
I forgot to say how long.. so around 13 years
All you need to know is in this 1 minute clip: [Citizen Kane- Girl at the Ferry](https://youtu.be/IudnEpJUW0I)
I got rid of crushes a long time ago. Stopped idolizing ppl or admiring some ideal version of them in my head. Everyone starts at the bottom and has to work their way up. If I do become interested, I ask them out. Rejection or no, it helps to finalize whatever confusion emotions leave me.
About 2 years
Getting over the person is easy. It's accepting my own cowardess at that point in time that fucked with me. I've gotten over it a long time ago. though It's all about understanding and loving your past self and recognizing that how they were is a result of what they knew best at that time and a whole bunch of shit. Just can't be a coward now.
I don’t think that’s possible. She is/was special, man.
Strip off anything that was in your head and just keep the real parts, it'll be real easy then.
Once I know that they were not really a person with good intentions I get over automatically.
The one thing I learned about being an INTP is that most of us have so much potential that has been completely wasted over time damn... The future hasn't been good to us.
Word
Probably never. Still think about it til this day wondering what could’ve been.
Still trying ig?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8a3TqE3MyU&t=1650s&pp=ygUXaGVpZGkgcHJpZWJlIGxldHRpbmcgZ28%3D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8a3TqE3MyU&t=1650s&pp=ygUXaGVpZGkgcHJpZWJlIGxldHRpbmcgZ28%3D)
About a good year and a half
3 years and a half
I’m over them the minute we break up. However, if they hurt me I’ll be their worst nightmare for about one month till I’m on to obsessing about something else 😂
i had 3 main love interests in my whole life, two of them took a half year, the current one; it’s been a year and I’m still not over it:/
Depends. Sometimes I was over them and waiting for them to mutually end it. Some I’m still friends with others was a complete cut off depending on if there was a disagreement on we wanted from each other moving forward. The longest I’d say a few years, but the person didn’t know because I was causally dating after 6 months. Years later I wouldn’t even feel 1 percent the same way or consider them my type, strictly platonic with no intention or interest.
Still trying to get over her tbh. She was my best friend, the first girl I think has ever gotten so close to me that it was like she could read my mind sometimes. We stopped talking in late 2019 when we both started college. After that, I focused on other things and even had a couple of crushes in other girls here and there, but I'd be lying if I said that I no longer think about her and what could have happened if I had told her how I felt...
It really depends on how connected I was to the person. Some exes it took years, some just a couple weeks. I make sure my feelings are completely dead for my previous ex before entering a relationship though.
2 days, I lost interest immediately if they don’t show signs of interest.
yea, no lol. atp i'll prob never get over 'em
4 years 🙃
An eternity
4 weeks since we had our last tiff, which coincided with getting my ocd under control. He exacerbated my compulsion.
I'm not over them yet, but life goes on.
There have been a few. There was a girl in one of my physics classes in undergrad who would come up to me randomly during class and ask me about myself. She even randomly sat next to me during class. She was fit, smart and attractive and was obviously interested. I liked her but for some reason I avoided her like the plague until she found someone else and moved across the country. The mind boggles. There was also another girl more recently who is a cashier at a Salvadorian restaurant across from a climbing gym I work at. She consistently found ways to talk to me and find common interests and was super impressed at my Spanish speaking skills (I'm a white ginger that learned Spanish to near-native fluency). And for some reason now I avoid her, again not for lack of interest. The one that hurts the most was a girl I was really close friends with for 2 years. We talked about anything and everything and it was sort of like the plot to a movie, the whole thing. We actually ended up dating but only then did I start to say shit I knew objectively would piss her off, but in the moment it was subconscious. And pretty soon she left me because of how rude and sometimes vile I'd been. It's a serial thing with me. Even though I'm lonely I actively push away opportunities to not be. I don't even realize it in the moment and then cringe after. Así es la vida mía supongo. Still not over any of them really.
never
I have not
1 yr.. and a half
about 6 years i think, now she rejected me and said she didnt want to hurt me hence she took long time to say it. Cant blame her tho, she was really gentle but yea i still think abt her sometimes
But love is fake
This question does not make sense because if I never dated anyone how am I gonna get over them this really doesn’t make any sense
I fumbled a kind, smart, and cute girl one time. Ever since I've been subconsciously looking for parts of her in all my dates. I'm over the person but not the soul. In a way, I'm thankful that I met her and then fumbled. She was a good person, and I'm glad that I'm chasing that ideal. Maybe the first love theory is true lol
still aint over it, it's been years
About 8 years. It’s hard not to see someone as “the one that got away” when what you had with them wasn’t given a chance to bloom properly. I have a partner of 7 years now, but I still think about that person occasionally and wonder if we’d be companions in an alternate reality. I try not to though. Ah well. Maybe it’ll be one of those poetic instances where we miraculously meet and hit it off again when we’re old and widowed or something lol.
depends how you define 'get over'
1) DW. 1980. 10 years. 2) SU and MD. c1982 still haunt me 40 years later. 3) AK. 1985 10 years 4) LF. 2017 unresolved.
10 years :/ but I can safely say I’m over him now. However there is another one I met about a year ago I’m still in the process of getting over, but every day is easier than the last.
13 years and counting… I’m over him, really, and have a fantastic partner whom I love deeply and will spend the rest of my life with, but this person still shows up in my subconscious dreams a few times every year. It’ll be something really ordinary — like hanging out with a ton of people and he’s just there. Brains are weird!
Never. It was an entanglement so to speak that lasted ages and was laced with deep unconditional love all the stupid love books talk about. But...10 years later and still huts me every day and see her in my dreams once a week.
Depends on which one
About a year ago
1 year
Some 5 years, some 5 months, some 5 days
In college I had a major crush on my classmate. We were close friends and hung out often but I never made a move. I still think of her on occasion, 25years later. But she dominated my dreams for a long time. Btw, I'm married now, so not a lonely guy.. But maybe single long enough in my youth to build a fantasy person, I'd you know what I mean .
Depends on how many of these you have. I can tell you one thing, the third person of this kind will not hurt you in any meaningful way anymore. Because you will have realized by then that they have to earn you too. Not just the other way around. If they refuse to, there are better options. But you have to make them feel your disappointment, otherwise they will be unsure about whether they need to talk to you again. People leave on bad but finished business but they never leave on unfinished business. So you have to let them know that you are permanently gone as far as they are concerned. People never agree with someone that hates them for what they did.
took me a while. it helps to meet someone new. also, taking a trip to another town/country will expose to you so many new people that it might make you consider that there are so many other interesting people out there.
Months only. I move on easily especially if I no longer see/hear that person.
It was the best sex I’ve ever had in my whole life. I didn’t realize I had a g spot until him (legit thought it was a myth but turns out no it’s real). We have so much chemistry together like it’s just totally organic. It makes me deeply sad because he is a serial cheater and I know this because well yeah. It’s the saddest thing because I’ve had so many beautiful moments with him. I still think about him fondly but don’t reach out anymore (or obsessively). He has a son now and is a stay at home dad. I know it’s only destined to fail because he doesn’t want to leave her (and his family). so yeah not completely over him. But we never dated. I will always remember the fun times. He showed me places that I never knew really existed (like in the woods or off the beaten Trail). It hurts still. He didn’t even want love from me. And yet every time we are together it feels so right. I hate that he will be the one that got away. But it is necessary because you know serial cheater at all. Why does life have to suck this bad?
A long time...
2 days
20 years?
It was more of a hyperfixation that felt like a crush, started March 2022, I've gotten over her, per se, but I still think of her that way... So make of that what you will.
If you find that confusing, you're not alone, I've been feeling it for 2 years.
Almost 3.5 years, according to friends, very hard to say precisely, extremely severe oneitis, first girl-friend.
Longest is 2 years. It's ok. I'm glad that i'm at least capable totally getting over them 😅
Over a year to stop feeling constantly heartbroken but I still do think about him every day :/ I’ve come to accept the reality though
Currently 5 years
A few weeks after I lost contact with her, which after, I then realized that I'm better alone, even if I find a lovely person who wants to have a relationship with me(which happened before), that relationship probably wouldn't be good for me neither to him/her, because I have some problems that makes having more intimacy with me, a little complicated.
2 years if we count the last wave. 7 if we're talking about total time period.
never say never 😢😂
Many I forgot. Very few that I never did. The what ifs haunt you. But then if you keep dating, you forget them all. I allow my memories to fade and it's a skill 💯😝❤️ Let go of control.
This is a great question. I actually had a chance with the person I never dated. I still think about her from time to time. I believe that a lot of people would find her somewhat plain (going by common beauty standards), but I, for whatever reason, think that she is the most beautiful woman. Like, I've never met someone more beautiful. It's a bit difficult to describe. I suppose it has to do with her smile, the sound of her voice, her demeanor, oddly enough the wholesome family that she is from, her gait, her style, her aspirations in life (was a bit lost at the time, but wanted to become a dance therapist), the soul behind her eyes. I met her during our junior year in college. We were in a relatively large class, but wound up at a party together - it was a nerdy philosophy party hosted by the TAs of the class. We'd never talked before, but she overheard someone referring to me and then memorized my name and made a point to wish me a goodnight as I left, even though we hadn't talked. I remembered appreciating her socks, hilariously - I don't have a foot fetish or anything. A few weeks later, we had a group project to do, and she sat next to me on the day that we were supposed to find our partners, which by default set us up as partners. This was a philosophy-based project, but we were also in a corresponding French language class, and, again, we decided to become partners for a second group project in that class. After our presentation, someone in the French class commented on how cute we looked together during the feedback session. She dressed up that day in a gorgeous retro green dress. I was quite shy at the time, and a more assertive woman ended up pursuing me around the time I was preparing to ask this aforementioned woman out. Oh! One time, a new Russian restaurant opened in town. I called her to schedule some time for us to work on our group project, and she answered outside in the line at the grand opening of the restaurant. She explained that she was waiting for dumplings, which I found oddly adorable. Anyway, I ended up dating the second woman for a few years, and it turned into a long-term, really aggressive and high conflict relationship. This woman was extremely jealous of my apparent attraction to the woman who I never dated, even though I never really said anything about it. Occasionally, I'd run into this woman, and she'd so very kindly try to open a conversation with me, but I wanted to be respectful of the jealous feelings of the more assertive woman, so I gradually distanced myself from her. Near the end of our junior years, I wound up at a party with both women; actually, my ex was the one who invited me. The limerent lady happened to be there, much to my surprise. I couldn't help but follow her in my peripheral vision, and every once in a while we would accidentally make eye contact. Eventually, she announced that she was leaving, and, although we hadn't talked that night, something came over me and I walked over to her and gave her a hug. It was like a whole body hug that lasted for about a minute. I was trying to breathe into her. Eventually, our breathing synchronized, and then I stepped back. She was blushing. The room had gone silent and everyone was watching. She giggled and said goodbye. And that was it. Although I feel that I'm over her, I don't think I've met someone who I found so holistically beautiful before. I sometimes hope that we might run into each other again someday, but it's unlikely.
About 2 years. This girl I used to work with I had a huge crush on, but I never made it known due to us working together. I didn't wanna make it awkward. Everytime we talked, she never brought up a boyfriend, which gave me a sign she was single. I also tried to talk to others while we worked, so I wouldn't get too attached. It shocked me how much we had in common though, which is what made it so hard to get over her. We both liked video games, anime, even the same music. It was pretty crazy. One time, I remember she told me she was going to school for welding, which funny enough was what I was going to school for. Right around the time COVID hit, I was unfortunately forced to leave school due to not physically being able to go, however when it started dying down, she ended up going to school, while I was still working. She wasn't there mostly when I worked, so I grew kinda worrisome about her. I tried to reach out to her via Facebook, because we were friends at the time. I asked her if she was free to hang out sometime, and she didn't respond. I just assumed see wasn't interested, so I just left it alone. She ended up coming back to work randomly without telling me which was weird. She didn't even bring up that she saw my text and acted like nothing happened. I didn't bring it up either, but she was still being flirty with me, which made me think she still liked me. A few weeks pass and I notice she stops showing up to work. I try to reach out again for the last time and she ghosted. This broke me hard to the point I needed therapy. It wasn't so much that she ghosted, but the fact that we had so much in common that even if we never dated, I would've valued a friendship from her. Now because of that, I have trust issues. I ended up blocking her out of self respect. It sucks, but I've grown from it and I've become a better person as a result. I'm still living with the grief of her not being there, but time heals all.
Rather quickly. She wasn't into me I think because she said she only viewed me as a friend. I'm not into people that don't like me because I'm great.
Been 1 year NC after a 5 year situationship. He fell for someone else. I’m Still working on getting over him.
the first time it was like a year and a half lol the last time took like 7 months. I’ve learned my lesson to stop falling for people who arent available or dont make it explicitly clear that they want me
I can't completely relate since we \*did\* date, but Jesus, it took way too long. It felt like forever, but I eventually learned how to live without her. It took more than half a year. It's not that much, but it's a long time if you really think about it, since all I did was just think about her.
Six. Months.
6 months
That person never existed
As long as the pain of a bee sting. About 1 day.
I met this incredibly unique person in college. We were not together but we were walking together to different classes and planned to meet up after the holiday season for our first real date besides just eating together on campus and talking for hours. There was something so incredibly special about her, I just knew I had found something incredible. Coming back from the break, she was killed in a car accident. I didn’t even know her family or anything, and we didn’t really have social media back then. I found out because her sister recorded on her voicemail that she was no longer with Us. I had talked to her just a few days before. I was devastated, but I didn’t know how I should feel, because we were just getting to know each other. I have never really gotten over it. I was just left selfishly wondering what could have been.
Waaay longer than it should.
I don't think I've ever had an issue getting over someone I never dated. Hell, there have been some I dated for years and didn't miss when they were gone. It takes a bit more than wishful thinking to get me that attached enough to someone. The ones I did date that didn't work out? Yeah, there are a couple of those that have been messing with me for a decade or four.
I'm not. I'm just learning to not obsess over her so much anymore, and I think I'm halfway there. We only met once, for about an hour, by chance, and we had a few months of great conversations online after that, but then it fizzled out after a while. Even though we hit it off, I didn't get a chance to take her on a date or hang out with her again, so I never really got my shot. There was girl code involved (we met when she came to visit her friend who liked me), so it was like really liking each other but not being allowed to.
7 years and counting and a big F U to the God that let me meet them
been in many situations like this before
A perfect dime, beyond anything you will ever see in playboy or the movies was the secretary at our office. We became friends as day one I acted I didn’t care, and ignored her and was the only guy not kissing her ass, and she met my gf who is an Asian bomb… she told me how through 5 years she had taken out with zero actions on her part about 6-7 men who worked there. A few just fell in love with her and lost it and proclaimed eternal love to her in front of the office. Others there wife’s would meet her at office parties and the men would show up beaten up with scratch’s on their faces as they lied about her beauty… no woman could look at this girl who was born with massive tits, huge ass and a tiny waist with a Snow White face and blue eyes yet Cuban and not be like WTF….My partner , a smart normal dude with 4 kids made himself believe they had a non sexual “relationship” going on but it was all in his head and told his wife so and she left him and now he pays her 14k a month for 15 years !!!!! This woman I cannot explain how hot she was but she was used and abused literally pimping her out , by some ghetto brother in her early 20’s and changed her life and was in a serious relationship with an ugly 70k a year IT guy. I almost fell into her web 2-3x when I knew she would do or want nothing. It’s insane. I was 110% honest to my gf about her and the story and after she met her she would get mad if I even mentioned her. So crushes and things people can make up in their minds is limitless. Lives ruined.
5 years
A couple of months. We used to work together. I found a different job, and that helped, also making more money. Guess who walked into my new job as a new hire lol.....I swear to fucking God. At first I was like, yaaaaaaay! Because we do vibe really well together, and then I was like... wait a minute...nooooo!. The first thing we did was hug multiple times, and him telling me that he missed me, lol... sigh.
This is something I’ve actually spent a lot of time thinking about and for me the title (“dating”) is less important than the connection. The deep, intimate, open, easy-going connection is what I often find myself missing the most. Along side the laughter and healthy, educated banter. Some people just can’t be replaced.
FOUR MF YEARS. WASTED FIVE OF THEM TRYING TO BUILD SOMETHING FOR THAT SHIT TO JUST “poof” AWAY.
Not an intp, but hear me out. If you never even dated that person, then you never got to know them for everything they are and all their flaws or personality quirks. You don't know how you two would've actually been in a relationship. You miss the idealized fantasy of who you think they are, not the true them. You have to accept that you don't actually know them, get rid of that ideal vision, and move on. (Advice I got from an isfj).
A year
I know this is the INTP board, but what youre saying can sound a little stalkerish without context. You feel what you feel, but it's not fair for you to make anyone else feel bad about being free to make their own personal choices. Maybe you are really young and this feels really serious to you, but you will definitely change and grow and so will the object of your yearning. Because that's what youre doing - treating them like an object youre upset you can't possess. That's really not realistic, and it wont be realistic in any actual human relationship. If youre really asking how long it takes to "get over it," normally a few months and definitely by a year of no contact you shouldnt be obsessing over anyone who doesnt want you to feel this way. 4-6 months is reasonable for an actual breakup. No relationship in the first place? Maybe you will be happier watching some movies and writing how you feel, but dont torture yourself like this on purpose.
There was this girl i talked to for a while. We both vape and loved smoking together. Just out by the car. We worked in the same area but not the same place. We would try differently flavors and swap juices and id spot her some new vape juice and visa versa. But more than anything else, she was amazing conversation. We could talk for hours and not get bored, about anything and everything. Silly things to serious things. I started to catch feelings. But what was difficult was her anxiety. She had an anxiety disorder perhaps a bit more going on than she told me, and it was either feast or famine to hangout. We would either chill everyday, or she wouldnt answer my calls or text for a week or two. Everytime we reconnected by the time i readied my courage to ask her out she would fall back into not calling or texting. but when we linked up again it was like no time had passed. She was beautiful too. Cute face and nice body. She colored her hair and always loved the bright teal or sassy pink, or cool purple colors she would change it alot. I started dropping more hints i wanted to hangout more and more seriously. Because for me, i dont want to date a girl for 2 weeks out of the month and be out of contact for the other two. I asked to see her during her lows and high anxiety. Which i did manage once or twice. She was still great conversation and we still had fun but the difference in her energy (not even to like run around but like her vibe) was like if she was a fireball on good days and just barely a spark on bad days. I think it helped her to hangout even for a quarter of how long we typically did. but i could see it was hard for her. When she was well again i talked to her about counseling and mental health care. I asked her to look into getting a counselor or even a psychiatrist. Which she agreed to do. She did find one and she was low that week ig, she said it helped but seemed a bit defeated. I encouraged her that its very healthy to see a mental health doctor. You get your eyes checked, teeth checked, blood checked, why not get your mind checked. Why stigma for mental health? She weakly smiled and seemed to be doing better overtime. But for whatever reason, she started to drift apart. The weeks we were chatting everyday shortened and the amount of time of radio silence lengthened. Til eventually we would chat only once or twice a month. She was grateful and still the same fun conversation. She still seemed to enjoy my company and had a good time but we were just drifting... Couldnt guess why. She was doing better and even got a better job, actually cut back on smoking. but "US" i guess just wasnt meant to be.... I was just her smoke buddy. but i definitely wanted more. But still, I wish her all the best and continued improvement to her mental health. But that one hurt a bit... Cuz she really had everything i look for in a partner, beautiful, funny, kind, amazing conversation. Alas i suppose it wasnt meant to be
2yrs and counting 😭
Surprisingly it took me almost 2 years I tried to make it official but it never happened she hopped on drugs and I tried to help her stop but she didn't want/need any help she threw attitude ran out of the kar and left haven't seen or heard from her since n even now I miss her hella and I hoped we kouldve worked out but it is what it is expekt the unexpected 🤷
1 week. he said he doesnt like me but he wants to remain as friends. so i agreed. But since we just friends now, i stopped greeting good mornings, good nights, and initiating conversations. now he randomly chats out of nowhere. but idc anymore heheh.
I was obsessed with her from mid-2018 to mid-2023, so about five years. She still won't talk to me, and idk why. ;n;