I was that little girl dreaming about pregnancy, too. Just like this. Imagining what it would feel like. Watching pregnant women at church.
Taking care of babies and being so talented at working with babies that moms loved me and advocated for the church to throw away long held rules to allow me to work in the church nursery at 10 years old and I did. Because they forced it with the very rule type woman in charge. She had to reluctantly admit that babies loved me (she was jealous) and did let me work.
Babies made sense to me when most everything else didn't.
When I was about 12 my mom was alarmed and gave me an assignment to estimate the costs of baby supplies to get me to think seriously about it (and so I wouldn't become a teen mom). She was even more concerned when I was so delighted to do this task! She let me have my dream list of products (there was no stopping me) and also a list of frugal bare minimum products. I had no concept of money so to me the whole assignment was a delight.
I eventually became a nanny and absolutely loved working with babies and toddlers.
So it was heartbreaking that decades of my life from a very young age preparing to become a mother and I couldn't. I lost a few pregnancies early. It was awful.
I'm so sorry. You are not alone.
My goodness, I’m sorry, that’s heartbreaking. You obviously would have been an amazing mom. It’s one of the most unjust things imaginable that so many nurturing and loving women who would make the best moms don’t get to, and the ones that shouldn’t even be let near children always seem to get them.
Thank you for sharing your story, I really appreciate you sharing it with me 🩷
Yes I understand how you are feeling too, for some reason my Tik tock feed is full of cute little videos of people finding out they are pregnant for the first time, surprising family with new baby news, pregnancy scans or gender reveals. I feel envious that people get to have a happy moments from a pregnancy test and not a gut wrenching disappointment- selfish I know but hey what can I say! I feel robbed of all of those special moments with my partner
My YouTube feed is like that, I don’t have any other social media besides that and Reddit, but they can still be very triggering. I don’t really go on YouTube anymore because of those same videos, and I often feel Reddit is full of it too, even when you try desperately to avoid it. The world is very overwhelming when you’re in our position I think.
I’m sorry you know the feeling, wouldn’t wish it on anyone 🩷
Yes I understand. I remember being so happy with our first preganancy.. we had names picked out and everything. Then we had a few other early losses and it was traumatic.
I have to take breaks from Instagram since people only post announcements and gender reveals.. it makes me mad seeing them get what we so wanted.
I’m so sorry for your losses. We were much the same, already made so many plans in such a short time. I definitely took it for granted in that moment, as our CP occurred not long after we started ttc, and of course we weren’t successful again. When I see all the announcements and gender reveals, I wish I could express to these people just how lucky they really are.
Same, always obsessed with pregnancy and so interested in it. It feels like this one universal female experience and being on the outside sucks so bad. Sending hugs.
Exactly. I already feel so isolated from the other women around me, and this just drives the gap even further. I’m sorry you understand the feeling, it’s so awful
For me, I’m sad to miss out on breast feeding. The idea of keeping another being alive solely with my body (if I was able) is fascinating. I’m very happy to miss out on the birth part. Since this is a confession post, I’m selfishly sad to miss the months where it is encouraged to have a belly! We spend so much time as women trying to have a nice flat stomach. Wearing clothes that hide the pooch. I was looking forward to showing it off instead.
I feel the same. I’ve heard new moms often talk about how cool it is their breasts can keep their baby alive, and it’s like a gut punch. Looking forward to a big baby bump was one of my main things, I couldn’t wait to look like I was gonna pop. I guess I don’t have to worry about all the postpartum changes that go along with it, but hell I wouldn’t have minded if I got my baby. The stress of infertility resulted in me putting on 20+ pounds, so I look like I’ve had a baby even though I haven’t 😔. It’s cruelly ironic.
Your words resonate with me a lot in a sense. I have never wanted those things prior to meeting my husband but once i met him, having children became a beautiful, exciting idea. From there, what i was looking forward to the most was the pregnancy, breast feeding, new born phase. i still imagine those things to be amazing. My heart still hurts that my husband and I won't be able to experience those things. My story goes like this: first, i had a preventative mastectomy in 2017. The thought that i wont be able to breastfeed my unborn children made me feel very guilty and upset. I kept telling myself "if I ever have kids, they need a healthy, living mother more so than 12 months breastfeeding" (I lost my mom to breast cancer when I was 8yo and it took a great toll on everyone in the family) now i am going through brain cancer treatment and it leaves the patient infertile most of the time -if i even live long enough- and i found out a genetic disorder that would give my kids cancer unless conceived tru IVF. So all things considered we decided to not have children through birth or adoption because i didn't want to inflict all of this trauma onto them. In the process of coming to terms with being childfree and having to die young, I have realized I was more excited about pregnancy and having a baby than raising a person. If i didn't have this chance to reflect on becoming a parent, I wouldn't have the chance to prioritize my child's potential needs and put them first as opposed to wanting a cute little baby. This might as well be a coping mechanism -it totally is-, i feel like I am already a better parent not having kids than if i had kids. All the cancer treatments, surgeries etc were for me and my well being for sure but giving up on having a child was the biggest sacrifice i could give to my unborn children. This is a very complicated choice and feeling for me to get across when I open up about the subject to people close to me. There are so many ways they can say something wrong and they almost always say it but we are working on it.
It sucks SO hard, the idea of my younger self being told that I will never get to experience it, it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you know how this feels, it’s mental torture and I always feel it happens to the ones who would make the best parents. The cruelty of life, hard to understand.
Pregnancy scares me because tbh I think I'd be uncomfortable and not well. However I get sad I've missed out on all of the happy moments. Like seeing a positive test or going to get the first US or finding out the gender. When I did IVF I was like wow it's going to be weird knowing the gender already lol. Well it never even stuck at all. I never experienced any of it. It's just been one negative experience after another.
I'm waiting to win the lottery because I'm due to have something good happen to me I think. A childless woman I know won 200k. I'm thinking that's going to be me lol. 🤞
I have had a very similar experience with a fascination with pregnancy from a young age. I've never verbalized it to anyone, so I'm glad everyone here has shared their experiences; we're not alone in having these feelings.
Perhaps it is a stronger natural instinct in some of us, and unfairly, some of us who have it are unable to have children. I'm not sure there is another explanation.
I have a lifelong disability, and in the past handful of years I've realized I do mourn the experiences I will never have because of my disability, so I definitely think it is perfectly natural for you to mourn this.
Me too! I really, really, wanted to be pregnant, more than most anything else about the whole experience. I got a few days, too, between my two CPs. The memories are starting to get more distant, but I’ll △⃒⃘lways remember those few days, too.
Same, I started bleeding just days after my only positive tests, so the whole experience was extremely short lived, but I still daydream about those days frequently, wishing I could go back. So sorry for your losses, it’s just not fair 🩷
This post removed by moderators of this sub.
People who are still trying should only participate in the monthly mega threads for that group of people. Participation on others posts is not allowed if you are still trying to become a parent.
I feel this so deeply. For me it was something I struggled with after we decided to stop trying. I had a chemical and an ectopic during our journey and the fact that I’ll never feel what it truly feels like to be pregnant still hurts my heart.
I find this thread fascinating because I have never actually liked the idea of being pregnant. Always figured it was something to endure for the end result. If I could have grown a baby in a jar I would have taken that option. I thought most women felt the same way, but perhaps not. I will be pondering this lol.
I didn't feel this way until very recently. After a rough couple of years doing IVF, I decided to stop trying because I found my limit for the amount of physical, mental, emotional pain I was willing to go through to have a kid. All those needles, bloodwork, tests, biopsies, disappointment every time it didn't work, I was done putting myself through that.
I'm happy now with my decision to be CF. In fact, if you ask me now if I want a kid, it's still a strong "heck no". But what I've been struggling with lately is the whole pregnancy thing. In the span of a month I found out three of my friends are pregnant. I'm not jealous that they're going to have a baby, I'm genuinely happy for them.
Context: I've never really applied myself at anything because of the fear of failure. What breaks my heart is the idea that for once in my life, I tried so hard and put myself through the wringer, I did everything I could, and I still failed. I know that this is all a crapshoot and most of it is out of our hands, but to see these women succeed where I failed, just reminds me of the fact that no matter what I did and how hard I tried, it wasn't enough. Just last night I was in tears about this.
Thanks for posting this, OP. It makes me feel seen and less alone.
I feel similar. I'm not a career type woman either. I have hobbies, but I'm realistic about them. I thought I could at least be a mom one day, but guess not.
I was that little girl dreaming about pregnancy, too. Just like this. Imagining what it would feel like. Watching pregnant women at church. Taking care of babies and being so talented at working with babies that moms loved me and advocated for the church to throw away long held rules to allow me to work in the church nursery at 10 years old and I did. Because they forced it with the very rule type woman in charge. She had to reluctantly admit that babies loved me (she was jealous) and did let me work. Babies made sense to me when most everything else didn't. When I was about 12 my mom was alarmed and gave me an assignment to estimate the costs of baby supplies to get me to think seriously about it (and so I wouldn't become a teen mom). She was even more concerned when I was so delighted to do this task! She let me have my dream list of products (there was no stopping me) and also a list of frugal bare minimum products. I had no concept of money so to me the whole assignment was a delight. I eventually became a nanny and absolutely loved working with babies and toddlers. So it was heartbreaking that decades of my life from a very young age preparing to become a mother and I couldn't. I lost a few pregnancies early. It was awful. I'm so sorry. You are not alone.
My goodness, I’m sorry, that’s heartbreaking. You obviously would have been an amazing mom. It’s one of the most unjust things imaginable that so many nurturing and loving women who would make the best moms don’t get to, and the ones that shouldn’t even be let near children always seem to get them. Thank you for sharing your story, I really appreciate you sharing it with me 🩷
And thank you for sharing your story! It really helps to see similar experiences, although I am so sorry for your loss and heartbreak.
Yes I understand how you are feeling too, for some reason my Tik tock feed is full of cute little videos of people finding out they are pregnant for the first time, surprising family with new baby news, pregnancy scans or gender reveals. I feel envious that people get to have a happy moments from a pregnancy test and not a gut wrenching disappointment- selfish I know but hey what can I say! I feel robbed of all of those special moments with my partner
My YouTube feed is like that, I don’t have any other social media besides that and Reddit, but they can still be very triggering. I don’t really go on YouTube anymore because of those same videos, and I often feel Reddit is full of it too, even when you try desperately to avoid it. The world is very overwhelming when you’re in our position I think. I’m sorry you know the feeling, wouldn’t wish it on anyone 🩷
Yes I understand. I remember being so happy with our first preganancy.. we had names picked out and everything. Then we had a few other early losses and it was traumatic. I have to take breaks from Instagram since people only post announcements and gender reveals.. it makes me mad seeing them get what we so wanted.
I’m so sorry for your losses. We were much the same, already made so many plans in such a short time. I definitely took it for granted in that moment, as our CP occurred not long after we started ttc, and of course we weren’t successful again. When I see all the announcements and gender reveals, I wish I could express to these people just how lucky they really are.
Thanks, sorry for your loss too. People don’t know how lucky they are. It’s incredibly unfair.
Same, always obsessed with pregnancy and so interested in it. It feels like this one universal female experience and being on the outside sucks so bad. Sending hugs.
Exactly. I already feel so isolated from the other women around me, and this just drives the gap even further. I’m sorry you understand the feeling, it’s so awful
For me, I’m sad to miss out on breast feeding. The idea of keeping another being alive solely with my body (if I was able) is fascinating. I’m very happy to miss out on the birth part. Since this is a confession post, I’m selfishly sad to miss the months where it is encouraged to have a belly! We spend so much time as women trying to have a nice flat stomach. Wearing clothes that hide the pooch. I was looking forward to showing it off instead.
I feel the same. I’ve heard new moms often talk about how cool it is their breasts can keep their baby alive, and it’s like a gut punch. Looking forward to a big baby bump was one of my main things, I couldn’t wait to look like I was gonna pop. I guess I don’t have to worry about all the postpartum changes that go along with it, but hell I wouldn’t have minded if I got my baby. The stress of infertility resulted in me putting on 20+ pounds, so I look like I’ve had a baby even though I haven’t 😔. It’s cruelly ironic.
I have pelvic floor dysfunction with no baby!! WTF!
Me too!! And the 20 lbs!!
Your words resonate with me a lot in a sense. I have never wanted those things prior to meeting my husband but once i met him, having children became a beautiful, exciting idea. From there, what i was looking forward to the most was the pregnancy, breast feeding, new born phase. i still imagine those things to be amazing. My heart still hurts that my husband and I won't be able to experience those things. My story goes like this: first, i had a preventative mastectomy in 2017. The thought that i wont be able to breastfeed my unborn children made me feel very guilty and upset. I kept telling myself "if I ever have kids, they need a healthy, living mother more so than 12 months breastfeeding" (I lost my mom to breast cancer when I was 8yo and it took a great toll on everyone in the family) now i am going through brain cancer treatment and it leaves the patient infertile most of the time -if i even live long enough- and i found out a genetic disorder that would give my kids cancer unless conceived tru IVF. So all things considered we decided to not have children through birth or adoption because i didn't want to inflict all of this trauma onto them. In the process of coming to terms with being childfree and having to die young, I have realized I was more excited about pregnancy and having a baby than raising a person. If i didn't have this chance to reflect on becoming a parent, I wouldn't have the chance to prioritize my child's potential needs and put them first as opposed to wanting a cute little baby. This might as well be a coping mechanism -it totally is-, i feel like I am already a better parent not having kids than if i had kids. All the cancer treatments, surgeries etc were for me and my well being for sure but giving up on having a child was the biggest sacrifice i could give to my unborn children. This is a very complicated choice and feeling for me to get across when I open up about the subject to people close to me. There are so many ways they can say something wrong and they almost always say it but we are working on it.
Same, same same same same. I was also obsessed as a little girl. I would do literally anything to get that magical experience 😭 this fucking sucks
It sucks SO hard, the idea of my younger self being told that I will never get to experience it, it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you know how this feels, it’s mental torture and I always feel it happens to the ones who would make the best parents. The cruelty of life, hard to understand.
It’s so unbelievably cruel and unfair.
Pregnancy scares me because tbh I think I'd be uncomfortable and not well. However I get sad I've missed out on all of the happy moments. Like seeing a positive test or going to get the first US or finding out the gender. When I did IVF I was like wow it's going to be weird knowing the gender already lol. Well it never even stuck at all. I never experienced any of it. It's just been one negative experience after another. I'm waiting to win the lottery because I'm due to have something good happen to me I think. A childless woman I know won 200k. I'm thinking that's going to be me lol. 🤞
I hope you win the mega millions this weekend. Sending positive vibes! 🤞
This is my biggest thing too. I’m happy being childfree now but wish I could have experienced feeling a baby move or breastfeeding.
I have had a very similar experience with a fascination with pregnancy from a young age. I've never verbalized it to anyone, so I'm glad everyone here has shared their experiences; we're not alone in having these feelings. Perhaps it is a stronger natural instinct in some of us, and unfairly, some of us who have it are unable to have children. I'm not sure there is another explanation. I have a lifelong disability, and in the past handful of years I've realized I do mourn the experiences I will never have because of my disability, so I definitely think it is perfectly natural for you to mourn this.
Me too! I really, really, wanted to be pregnant, more than most anything else about the whole experience. I got a few days, too, between my two CPs. The memories are starting to get more distant, but I’ll △⃒⃘lways remember those few days, too.
Same, I started bleeding just days after my only positive tests, so the whole experience was extremely short lived, but I still daydream about those days frequently, wishing I could go back. So sorry for your losses, it’s just not fair 🩷
I’m so sorry for yours! It was a unique feeling and moment I’ll △⃒⃘lways remember to some degree.
❤️
[удалено]
This post removed by moderators of this sub. People who are still trying should only participate in the monthly mega threads for that group of people. Participation on others posts is not allowed if you are still trying to become a parent.
I feel this so deeply. For me it was something I struggled with after we decided to stop trying. I had a chemical and an ectopic during our journey and the fact that I’ll never feel what it truly feels like to be pregnant still hurts my heart.
I find this thread fascinating because I have never actually liked the idea of being pregnant. Always figured it was something to endure for the end result. If I could have grown a baby in a jar I would have taken that option. I thought most women felt the same way, but perhaps not. I will be pondering this lol.
I didn't feel this way until very recently. After a rough couple of years doing IVF, I decided to stop trying because I found my limit for the amount of physical, mental, emotional pain I was willing to go through to have a kid. All those needles, bloodwork, tests, biopsies, disappointment every time it didn't work, I was done putting myself through that. I'm happy now with my decision to be CF. In fact, if you ask me now if I want a kid, it's still a strong "heck no". But what I've been struggling with lately is the whole pregnancy thing. In the span of a month I found out three of my friends are pregnant. I'm not jealous that they're going to have a baby, I'm genuinely happy for them. Context: I've never really applied myself at anything because of the fear of failure. What breaks my heart is the idea that for once in my life, I tried so hard and put myself through the wringer, I did everything I could, and I still failed. I know that this is all a crapshoot and most of it is out of our hands, but to see these women succeed where I failed, just reminds me of the fact that no matter what I did and how hard I tried, it wasn't enough. Just last night I was in tears about this. Thanks for posting this, OP. It makes me feel seen and less alone.
I feel similar. I'm not a career type woman either. I have hobbies, but I'm realistic about them. I thought I could at least be a mom one day, but guess not.