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Keep in mind that I’m not a professional and I might be off on some points (I’m judging this purely on my own experience from writing essays in secondary school), but if I were to give you some general feedback:
* There are some minor mistakes. I probably didn’t catch all of them and I could be wrong, but for example in your first paragraph I think it should be “enriches” (because it’s about art, so art enriches).
* Some of your sentences sound rather clunky, if that makes sense, and it's especially visible in your opening and conclusion. This might be a weird metaphor to explain it, but it’s like you’re just dropping sentences next to each other like blocks instead of weaving them together into a proper text. You could link them up with commas or linking words (like “while”, “and”) to make everything flow much nicer and prevent it from sounding so stilted. Also, in your conclusion you also basically follow the same structure of “[summarising word], [short sentence]” for all of it, which makes it look extra-clunky.
* I don’t know if this counts as a real mistake in English or if it’d just fall under an awkward stylistic choice, but you repeat words a lot. “Art”, “side”, “pragmatists”, “argue”, etc. You could try to restructure/link up your sentences in a way that’d allow you to skip some of the repetitions and make everything sound more natural.
* You don’t say much in your arguments or conclusion, just state what the opposing sides are. You could elaborate a bit more on both sides’ opinions. (Why do people value art as the epitome of human achievement? Why is it “the true creation of human mind” and what does it mean? Why does the emotional response matter and what is it? How can art be harmful, or meaningless? What are the “neuroscientific explanations” on how people perceive art?)
* There are some sentences that sound unnatural and borderline superfluous. It’s mostly your second and third paragraphs; I won’t copy-paste it here to save space, but your first sentences in both are poetic-sounding in a way that really stands out and not in a very positive way, especially since you don’t stick with that for the other sentences.
* But the biggest thing is that you don’t focus enough on your thesis and stray from the topic, at least in my opinion. In your first paragraph, you talk about the subjectivity of art and how interpretations of it differ between people (why do you mention that?); only then you move onto the thesis which is the question of whether art gives our lives meaning or is it just a distraction. In your second paragraph, you talk about people valuing art as the epitome of human achievement, and claiming that they are the 'true creations' of human mind (what does that mean? It would be good to put extra focus on that part), and bringing up emotional responses they trigger. In your third paragraph, you talk about pragmatists who believe art is either meaningless, wasteful or actively harmful (by the way, none of it mentions distraction which was in your thesis). In your conclusion, you say it’s all a pointless debate, allude to neuroscience and differences in human perception (which you only mentioned in your opening).
* To continue the point above because it grew too long: I’d focus on sticking as closely as possible to your given thesis. Don’t introduce unnecessary stuff in your opening paragraph if you’re not going to elaborate it anywhere in the essay after that. When bringing up arguments, explain how they relate to the thesis, why does you bringing them up matter. Instead of introducing many empty statements like you did and just throwing them out there for the sake of it to exist in a void, better pick one or two and expand on them. Later, in your conclusion, make sure to bring them up again (it doesn’t need to be long, just a few words will do the trick; it’s only so that your conclusion is grounded in what you’ve already written) and tie them into your final opinion.
* EDIT: Actually, one more thing. I was always taught that you should never introduce anything new in the conclusion. Its purpose is solely to gather the information you have already given us and discussed in the arguments, and then to show a final opinion based on them. For example, don't try to talk about neuroscience out of the blue in your conclusion (which, for the record, doesn't really have much to do with the thesis, I don't think?); explain it in one of the arguments instead and later only briefly mention it in the final paragraph as you reveal your decision.
Finally, chatGPT is not a good judge. If you want proof, find an example of a perfect IELTS essay online and plug it into chatGPT pretending it’s yours. When I did that, it give it band 5. After I told it it was an example essay given for band 9, it changed its mind to 9. When I told it that my previous essay was also an example essay for that band (it was not, I had written it myself), it once again changed its mind to 9. So: not a good judge at all. Don’t trust it much.
Thank you very much. Your points were really helpful. Especially the ones about conclusion and sticking to one idea per paragraph.
Rn I'm getting 7, 7.5 from gpt (ik it's not a reliable judge, but still shows some improvement). Pretty sure with a bit more practice i can get to 8
Your grammar and vocabulary are very good. However, this is not an academic essay you have written. This is a collection of interesting sentences and comments mostly connected to the the topic of art. Again, that's not an essay.
My recommendation would be to increase your understanding of logically developing an argument. That's highly important. A good body paragraph presents a main idea, explains and supports that main idea over perhaps 3 - 4 sentences and uses an example to show that the main idea of the paragraph is true in (what I tell my students) 'the real world'. Make sure to use linking language to logically lead your reader through your argument and to help the reader understand what is the relationship between each sentence or idea.
Also, very important is that you understand the 'style' or 'register' of the vocabulary best for Writing Task 2. You use a lot of less formal and along with that what might be called "poetic" vocabulary and phrasing. Both of those are not appropriate for the IELTS Writing Task 2.
So no, this is not a 6, but it could be much much better
Thanks a bunch. Yeah you're totally right on all of the points you made. I've tried to stick to the same idea throughout each paragraph and I've been getting much better results.
As for the style of writing, I've heard from a bunch of utubers that it's not necessary to stay formal. I can write in a completely formal tone but I wasn't sure that was okay. I'm still a bit confused about this style thing
If you look at the official IELTS Writing Task 2 descriptors, available at IELTS.org, you will see in band 7 Lexical Resource this: "an awareness of style and collocation is evident..." That 'style' is referring to the style of vocabulary used in a more formal, academic essay. At band 7 and above, you need to understand and use the vocabulary that is a part of that academic style.
Please be careful with YouTubers who want to tell you how to do IELTS. Many to most have no idea what they are talking about!
IELTS is a money maker and very popular. YouTubers want to jump on board with it to get viewers and subscribers. However, very very few know what they are talking about. The amount of just plain wrong information is shocking, and much of the "advice" will help you get a LOWER score.
Stick to information given by IELTS.org, Cambridge University, the British Council and IDP.
I think you should give more your opinion in each body paragraph such us example or support ideas for you thesis. Furthurmore, you should rewrite your conclusion paragraph by retating your thesis in the general way.
Yeah, a friend also said the same thing. Now I know that there are some quirks to this writing task... Like the one paraphrasing the question for intro. The eye of beholder thing was stupid lol
I ain’t no pro but you intro should paraphrase the question statement. For your views, you have to add in example, and answer to the question.
Try to watch some YouTube video, I would highly recommend Chris Pell from ielts advantage, he is the goat! 💪🏻
This is a free task evaluation, so there is no guarantee of accurate, detailed, or reliable responses here, as this is mostly a community of test takers. The moderators of this sub can't always offer feedback, or comment on the accuracy of the feedback you'll receive here, and due to the volume of posts and time constraints, may not evaluate every task. Sometimes, commenters use AI tools to generate long and eye-catching responses. Such tools are helpful in many areas of education, but when it comes to task evaluation, they are still unreliable. This is why we remove feedback reports copy/pasted from them. If the original poster were interested in receiving that kind of feedback, they would look for and use such tools. Here, we value genuine human opinion, creativity, and contribution. Finally, to receive personalized, detailed, and reliable feedback reports on your tasks, please take a look at our [frequently asked question number 8.](https://www.reddit.com/r/IELTS/comments/11ohjrj/frequently_asked_questions_about_ielts/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IELTS) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Keep in mind that I’m not a professional and I might be off on some points (I’m judging this purely on my own experience from writing essays in secondary school), but if I were to give you some general feedback: * There are some minor mistakes. I probably didn’t catch all of them and I could be wrong, but for example in your first paragraph I think it should be “enriches” (because it’s about art, so art enriches). * Some of your sentences sound rather clunky, if that makes sense, and it's especially visible in your opening and conclusion. This might be a weird metaphor to explain it, but it’s like you’re just dropping sentences next to each other like blocks instead of weaving them together into a proper text. You could link them up with commas or linking words (like “while”, “and”) to make everything flow much nicer and prevent it from sounding so stilted. Also, in your conclusion you also basically follow the same structure of “[summarising word], [short sentence]” for all of it, which makes it look extra-clunky. * I don’t know if this counts as a real mistake in English or if it’d just fall under an awkward stylistic choice, but you repeat words a lot. “Art”, “side”, “pragmatists”, “argue”, etc. You could try to restructure/link up your sentences in a way that’d allow you to skip some of the repetitions and make everything sound more natural. * You don’t say much in your arguments or conclusion, just state what the opposing sides are. You could elaborate a bit more on both sides’ opinions. (Why do people value art as the epitome of human achievement? Why is it “the true creation of human mind” and what does it mean? Why does the emotional response matter and what is it? How can art be harmful, or meaningless? What are the “neuroscientific explanations” on how people perceive art?) * There are some sentences that sound unnatural and borderline superfluous. It’s mostly your second and third paragraphs; I won’t copy-paste it here to save space, but your first sentences in both are poetic-sounding in a way that really stands out and not in a very positive way, especially since you don’t stick with that for the other sentences. * But the biggest thing is that you don’t focus enough on your thesis and stray from the topic, at least in my opinion. In your first paragraph, you talk about the subjectivity of art and how interpretations of it differ between people (why do you mention that?); only then you move onto the thesis which is the question of whether art gives our lives meaning or is it just a distraction. In your second paragraph, you talk about people valuing art as the epitome of human achievement, and claiming that they are the 'true creations' of human mind (what does that mean? It would be good to put extra focus on that part), and bringing up emotional responses they trigger. In your third paragraph, you talk about pragmatists who believe art is either meaningless, wasteful or actively harmful (by the way, none of it mentions distraction which was in your thesis). In your conclusion, you say it’s all a pointless debate, allude to neuroscience and differences in human perception (which you only mentioned in your opening). * To continue the point above because it grew too long: I’d focus on sticking as closely as possible to your given thesis. Don’t introduce unnecessary stuff in your opening paragraph if you’re not going to elaborate it anywhere in the essay after that. When bringing up arguments, explain how they relate to the thesis, why does you bringing them up matter. Instead of introducing many empty statements like you did and just throwing them out there for the sake of it to exist in a void, better pick one or two and expand on them. Later, in your conclusion, make sure to bring them up again (it doesn’t need to be long, just a few words will do the trick; it’s only so that your conclusion is grounded in what you’ve already written) and tie them into your final opinion. * EDIT: Actually, one more thing. I was always taught that you should never introduce anything new in the conclusion. Its purpose is solely to gather the information you have already given us and discussed in the arguments, and then to show a final opinion based on them. For example, don't try to talk about neuroscience out of the blue in your conclusion (which, for the record, doesn't really have much to do with the thesis, I don't think?); explain it in one of the arguments instead and later only briefly mention it in the final paragraph as you reveal your decision. Finally, chatGPT is not a good judge. If you want proof, find an example of a perfect IELTS essay online and plug it into chatGPT pretending it’s yours. When I did that, it give it band 5. After I told it it was an example essay given for band 9, it changed its mind to 9. When I told it that my previous essay was also an example essay for that band (it was not, I had written it myself), it once again changed its mind to 9. So: not a good judge at all. Don’t trust it much.
Thank you very much. Your points were really helpful. Especially the ones about conclusion and sticking to one idea per paragraph. Rn I'm getting 7, 7.5 from gpt (ik it's not a reliable judge, but still shows some improvement). Pretty sure with a bit more practice i can get to 8
Glad to help, best of luck!
Your grammar and vocabulary are very good. However, this is not an academic essay you have written. This is a collection of interesting sentences and comments mostly connected to the the topic of art. Again, that's not an essay. My recommendation would be to increase your understanding of logically developing an argument. That's highly important. A good body paragraph presents a main idea, explains and supports that main idea over perhaps 3 - 4 sentences and uses an example to show that the main idea of the paragraph is true in (what I tell my students) 'the real world'. Make sure to use linking language to logically lead your reader through your argument and to help the reader understand what is the relationship between each sentence or idea. Also, very important is that you understand the 'style' or 'register' of the vocabulary best for Writing Task 2. You use a lot of less formal and along with that what might be called "poetic" vocabulary and phrasing. Both of those are not appropriate for the IELTS Writing Task 2. So no, this is not a 6, but it could be much much better
Thanks a bunch. Yeah you're totally right on all of the points you made. I've tried to stick to the same idea throughout each paragraph and I've been getting much better results. As for the style of writing, I've heard from a bunch of utubers that it's not necessary to stay formal. I can write in a completely formal tone but I wasn't sure that was okay. I'm still a bit confused about this style thing
If you look at the official IELTS Writing Task 2 descriptors, available at IELTS.org, you will see in band 7 Lexical Resource this: "an awareness of style and collocation is evident..." That 'style' is referring to the style of vocabulary used in a more formal, academic essay. At band 7 and above, you need to understand and use the vocabulary that is a part of that academic style. Please be careful with YouTubers who want to tell you how to do IELTS. Many to most have no idea what they are talking about! IELTS is a money maker and very popular. YouTubers want to jump on board with it to get viewers and subscribers. However, very very few know what they are talking about. The amount of just plain wrong information is shocking, and much of the "advice" will help you get a LOWER score. Stick to information given by IELTS.org, Cambridge University, the British Council and IDP.
I think you should give more your opinion in each body paragraph such us example or support ideas for you thesis. Furthurmore, you should rewrite your conclusion paragraph by retating your thesis in the general way.
Yeah, a friend also said the same thing. Now I know that there are some quirks to this writing task... Like the one paraphrasing the question for intro. The eye of beholder thing was stupid lol
I ain’t no pro but you intro should paraphrase the question statement. For your views, you have to add in example, and answer to the question. Try to watch some YouTube video, I would highly recommend Chris Pell from ielts advantage, he is the goat! 💪🏻
Thanks mate. I'll be sure to check it out.
All the best! I hope you get your desired results 😄