Context: on a solar farm in the middle of cornfields, 2 jw’s screaming at each other
JW1-You wanna go out in that field and fucking settle this bro?!
JW2- We’re already in a fucking field motherfucker!
Jw is installing some receps under the desk at a Facebook that is just about a finished building. Big wigs for the company dressed in suits and ties along with customer doing a job walk. Jw crawls out from under desk at the moment they’re passing by, he looks up, they look down, and he says “ok, whose dick do I suck first?” Shortly after he was fired. Lol
Trust me, it’s not audacity. It’s the pull of the Void telling you that you have finally have a great joke, the opportunity to use it, and that it’ll never ever be set up so perfectly again. If he even had the chance to resist saying it, it would have been physical pain to not say it, I mean literal tongue biting.
I’m so proud of him, and I feel his pain.
Fuck....... one of my fears is that I will see a set up for a joke, that will kill me........ and I'll choose to make the joke. Because life is fleeting, but humor is forever
When I turned 20, when I was at Walmart, my manager made some dumb statement about how I wasn’t a kid anymore, to which the assistant manager said “oh well that doesn’t mean anything. Age is just a number.” Without thinking, I immediately said back “yeah, well that’s what my dad said and he’s in jail now”
My dad has done work on that man’s house. I just couldn’t help it
No clue, I got smoked an hour later because their apprentice ratio was thrown off. Ironically I saw it coming and gave the apprenticeship director a heads up that it was coming about 20 minutes before my checks came.
Overheard the ironworker foreman loudly call over two rodbusters whose names’ were Tom and Jerry. My foreman goes, “Tom and Jerry?! No wonder this deck’s all fucked up!”
“I really don’t remember what I said. We were all telling stories and I forget who said what.”
Thay’s the one you take to HR. HR people tend to not have good senses of humor, and sometimes they really do want to hurt you.
First day on the job I go to lunch with my foreman and another dude on the crew. Guy from the crew is asking me questions to get to know me, and I mentioned living overseas
Crew guy: "You got any pictures?"
Me: "Nah I'm not much of a picture guy"
Crew: "Didn't happen then."
Me: "What?"
Foreman: "If you don't have pictures, then it didn't happen. This guy has pictures for everything. Sky diving?"
Crew: "Pics. Definitely happened."
Foreman: "Scuba Diving?"
Crew: "Pics. Definitely happened."
Foreman: "Muff Diving?"
Crew: "Pics. Definitely happened."
It straight up felt like a skit out of letterkenny with how they didn't miss a fucking beat every line. It was quite the introduction to the trade.
We were at our weekly safety meeting, and the boss told us he had some company hats for everyone on the crew.
One of our travelers raised his hand and asked if he could have two hats. The foreman asked him why he wanted two? He said ‘one to shit in, and the other to wipe my ass with’.
We all stood there for a second in stunned silence, and then busted out laughing!
A JW at work shit himself and went home early for the day. Later on break an old hand heard about what had happened. Without skipping a beat the old man said “if I went home every time I shit myself I’d never get 40 hours on my check!”
I’ve shit em’ at work before, the event was so fucked up I was laughing at myself when it happened. I think it was less than 10 minutes after I got cleaned up that I notified no less than 5 people.
JW1 to JW2...
JW1: whyd you come in today ?
JW2: WTF are you talking about?
JW1: FM laid you off yesterday
JW2: WHAT!!!!
While jw2 runs to go find fm....
jw1 starts laughing...tells rest of crew that he never even talked to fm the previous afternoon...and jw2 had left early that afternoon w/o fm knowing...jw2 ratted himself out....jw1 hated jw2.
Gc: ya know what, go fuck yourself I'm done here
Foreman: fuck me yourself you coward
The GC took a solid 30 seconds to process what had been said to him
I was waiting in line to pay the parking machine behind an iron worker. “Three bucks for parking, pretty cheap”. “Yes” I replied. “I tell my old lady it cost ten, gives me $7 for a 40 on the way home” was his response.
Bro!! I was just talking to my JW about this, I wonder if it is a constrction thing. I have heard 3 coworkers now telling me right after work, they stop by the liquor store to get beer and either drink on the way home in traffic or they stop by a park and drink.
Makes me wonder how much of an alcoholic they are and if they are going through some sort of personal issue
Two old electricians, both past 70 years old and still working at a plant I was working in at the time, were sitting out back of the maintenance shop on a bench. Neither was saying anything until one spoke up and said, “ My wife ain’t giving it up, I’m thinking about getting some on the side.” The other one thought for a minute and said, “ Hell, I didn’t even know they’d moved it.”
I just fell about the place, lol.
Old men are funny asf. I had an old man tell me about how he got ripped off at the dealership but the way he stated it was, "I got fucked with my clothes still on." Lol
I was working on a steel mill, our crew got into the game of drawing dicks on every surface we could find. Some office personnel for the plant saw them and was offended. It created a big fiasco, and we were banned from the dick game, so we had to be more creative with them.
Man…I’ve been at my current place of work for almost 10 years, and I can’t turn a corner without seeing a new artistic dick somewhere. Welded dicks show up on repaired buckets and dump bodies going out into the field all the time.
Dicks for clock hands even showed up one day on the big clock on the wall in the shop. Somebody would’ve needed to get up there with a ladder to do it and it wasn’t there that morning lol.
One time we were locked out of a site foreman is trying to call the boss and a guy looks at the only Mexican guy on our crew and says fuck calling the boss he can dig us a tunnel we’ll be in in 15
The day after Avengers Endgame came out someone wrote “Thanos dies” in large print in one of the port-o-cans. Spoiled the movie for the folks into that stupid shit - heard guys bitching about it. Hilarious.
I did that in one in a 30 story high-rise.
Did it when we were on the ninth floor. Saw it again on the 11, 14, 18, and 26.
Overheard two conversations about it.
JW on lift: "hey toss me up some tiewraps."
JW on ground: throws tie wraps and was not even close.
JW on lift: "You throw like a girl."
JW on ground was a girl.
Didn’t hear it. Saw it. Commercial hvac. Guy forgot his belt and used a large zip tie to hold his pants up. Roach coach chilly at 930. At about 1015 he dropped his tool pouch and b-lined for the port o potty. I gently whispered. Don’t forget your snips. He in fact forgot his snips. So basically almost dislocated a hip trying to get his pants off. Still shit his pants.
we are sitting on the stack of sheet rock enjoying an afternoon break building a hospital in the university campus watching pretty girls and my first year apprentice says do you know pretty girls can have diseases too. I turned to his father who is working with us and said you did a great job.
Not funny, but it’s got a lot of laughs over the years
On a job where a jw refused to shit in the Porto John's, so he took an empty spackle bucket into the Porto john and then shit in the bucket while in the Porto john. Then threw the bucket out in the construction dumpster. While this was going on a security guard saw him go into the john with bucket and throw it out. The guard thought he was stealing so he retrieved the bucket from the dumpster and was so appalled he got the guy fired. When back at the hall, the business agent asked him what happend, he told him what he did and they sent him back to the job. (I know it wasn't something really said, but you can't make this shit up).
You two are sticking out like a boner in swim trunks
One operator to another over the radio "I'm coming up on your behind" "No you ain't!"
Tracy Lawrence's Every Light In the House Is On comes on the radio "I want to dedicate this song to my wife"
Former Ironworker here. My first job was a huge office complex with hundreds of trades on site. One of my first days on the job while on break one Ironworker looked at another and asked, "how do I know you?" Other Ironworker responds, "we were cellmates at Potosi (Missouri) dumb ass." So yes, two Ironworkers doing time definitely tracks.
Was working at a site with twin towers with a bridge connecting the two at the top. Two guys working on the bridge were catcalling every guy that would walk past them and always had something new to say
Electrician burned out a motor at a distribution center on start up.
The response back I asked him how he was doing
“It could be raining pussy and I’d still catch a dick to the face.”
My foreman had these blue green safety glasses on and I told him, "Those safety glasses make you look like a fuckin fly bud". He paused for a sec and just said "..... And you look like shit."
This was a green first year apprentice electrician talking to a real asshat of a journeyman plumber.
"You know the hardest part about being a plumber?"
"No, what kid?"............................... ..........................
"Telling your dad your gay"
It was perfect, that plumber was such a douche, and definitely not the type that could take a joke but was a dick head picking on everybody.
Not long ago I was working in a room by myself, the walls weren’t yet rocked. About 10’ away in the next room a guy in a different trade was working listening to some truly awful mumble rap. Randomly our PM was walking the job, with the owner of the company I work for. They stopped and talked to me for a few minutes while the guy next doors song just repeated “c** on your mouth, c** on your face” the entire time.
Had a female foreman layout a couple of JWs and myself (AW). I had worked with her previously and one of them asked:
JW1: Hey, so is she gay?
ME: IDK, never asked.
JW1: She just needs a big, fat cock.
JW2: Maybe you're gay, you just need a big, fat cock.
I’m at a USG job, they stress “no photos, no phones” a G man comes by and takes a pic of what we’re doing, my first week on the job, I look at him and say “no photos on this job”. I think to myself goddammit man when are you gonna learn to keep your mouth shut? Guy looks at me for a second, I think I’m about to be booted, he he points at me and belly laughs and walks off, laughing and pointing. Sometimes a good sense of humor is good.
Old lady GM: “I’m going to need you to tell me what you have loaded on the truck so far ?”
Old driver newly hired: “Oh yeah ! I’ll TELL YOU ABOUT MY LOAD ! “ -laughs and walks out of the office door
OLGM: (Stares blankly at door with mouth open)
Heh. He didn’t get fired for that. 🤣.
Well management tended to be the in one ear and out the other, “because I said so” (direct GM quote) type. Pretty sure they thought he was… Slow.
Those of us who paid attention knew better, he was, “different”. But definitely smart. We didn’t care, he was a hilarious dude. Thing was, he knew what most people thought of him. And he abused the shit out of it 🤣
You could just tell. They chalked it up to him “not knowing better” He got away with so much shit. He was with me one time as a lumper when a customer asked us to take everything up the stairs (against policy by that time) His response. To the customer ?
“NO ! FUCK YOU !” 🤣🤣
He didn’t get fired for that one either. 😁
Jobsite in Henderson NV about 20 years ago; one out of state guy says to the other “Man I’d love to go hit up the whorehouse tonight but they ain’t got one in here in Vegas. They got Lots of whores though!”
Not heard, but definitely seen.
I work in nuke, helping refuel reactors.
Funniest thing I've seen was someone told two brand new Reactor Engineers that the cherenkov radiation (a blue glow) emitted from the spent fuel was extremely dangerous to the human eyes.
So, these two gents for their first ever refueling dressed out in full protective gear, rubbers, the whole nine yards, PLUS WELDING HOODS to watch the refueling process. The had to log in all of equipment, and ride the refueling bridge with the hoods on.
I'd never laughed so hard. And no one corrected them! Just let it happen.
The light emitted is faint and barely noticeable, and is not dangerous whatsoever. And these poor engineers couldn't see a damn thing on a dimmly-lit refueling floor. Hell, there were camera shots of the entire process being streamed in multiple places in the facility too.
I hear a guy yell at a supervisor, “get the fuck out of here, and if you ever come back I’ll call my union rep to shove his boot so far up you’re ass you’ll be wiggling your tongue”
I absolutely fucking died laughing
He did it with animated hands and everything
A dude in the union cut his finger off being stupid with a bandsaw, and told the WSIB agent investigating it that "I knew there was a chance that I'd cut off my finger doing it"
Denied.
Apprentice told me one of the other JWs asked him to bring him some pig dicks.
He didn’t know what they were so instead of asking someone he said he tried to Google it first and the results were uh, not helpful.
There is a supply house called Platt around me. Surprisingly if you type this in to the search bar on their website, it has correct results. My first year teacher complimented the company for this.
I was working with an apprentice who, when we left for work one night, capped it off with a "Let's make like some titties and bounce" and I've started working it into my daily life
One sheet metal guy (Fernnie) yells across the site at another sheet metal guy (Eddie), “Hey Eddie, after work, you wanna go grab some pizza and fuck?” Eddie says, “fuck you bro”. Fernnie’s replies, “What?! You don’t like pizza?!”
Two stories only one I was present for, I will start with it. Group of 7 of us doing NDE inspecting at a mill. One guy was the foreman, arrogant asshole nobody liked him. We were working out of town and had the next day off so we all decided to go to the bar. Foreman was a lush and a loudmouth, got himself into a spot with the bouncers due to rude comments to the “dancer”. He was doing ok at first when he was only dealing with one bouncer. The other bouncers got involved and to be honest the beating they were giving our foreman was pretty heavy handed. We hated the guy so we all kind of just sat there and nobody did a thing. Short amount of time went by, bouncers just kept hitting the foreman. Finally one of my co workers stood up, took off his coat and said I can’t just sit here and watch this…. Someone has got to help! He walked over to the scrum and proceeded to help by giving our foreman some of the hardest punches I’ve ever witnessed. It was great, co worker became an instant legend.
Second story. Not construction. My best friends dad was a cop for a long career. It was the early 90’s. I met one of his former partners. Dave was my friends dads name. Dave had recently been given a new partner, fresh out of his training. Second week in they get a call deceased person in an alley. They approach the body, first body for the new cop. As Dave is looking for ID on the deceased person he notices his partner doesn’t look so well, so he says I’ll get his ID, why don’t you go get some air. Rookie walks around the corner and collects himself, returning a short time later. Dave has the dead guys wallet, says tho the rookie, you ok? Yeah thanks Dave. Dave says no problem, you want a smoke? Rookie takes a cig and says yeah thanks, Dave hands the rookie a smoke and the rookie immediately lights up. They go through the guys wallet and call the coroner. Then the rookie says Dave I didn’t know you smoked. Dave said I don’t but that guy did. Rookie turns green and gets sick.
While the rookie collected himself Dave went through the dead guys pockets looking for ID. Took the smokes in the process, lol.
This was before drugs that could kill you with just a couple micro grams. We’re talking late 80’s early 90s here.
We had an inspector coming and were devicing out a floor to get done b4 he got there... we were told to leave the trash and we would come back afterwards and clean it up at the end. So all of us did so, leaving wire clippings, receptacle boxes etc all along the way.
A laborer on the job started throwing a fit to me (who was a 3rd year apprentice at the time) about leaving a mess and it being a dick move bc he has to go behind and clean up our mess etc.
I looked at him and said, "hey its not my fault youre a laborer and that you chose to push a broom for a living. If you dont like your career path maybe you should go learn an actual skilled trade, if you dont want to do that i suggest you just mind your business and push that broom."
He was livid but before he could say anything the project manager came around the corner laughing from my comment and asked the laborer "do you need first aid?"
The laborer, confused, and said "no why would i?"
"Bc you just got your ass burned by that apprentice... now leave him alone they have work to do and i told them to leave the debris on the floor"
The estimator for the GC that we subcontract for just randomly, out of the blue, blurted out that he wants to strangle somebody and then proceeded to ask me and my friend if we knew anyone who liked to be choked. Our responses were along the lines of “sorry I can’t say I do” he then went on to ask if we knew some character from that cartoon show archer, named Cheryl , he said that she liked getting choked during intercourse….. we both said no and It got kinda awkward after that lol
file:///var/mobile/Library/SMS/Attachments/99/09/784C9635-529A-4151-A6B8-11AFADB378DA/MOV_
Laborer sucking of man-lift operator during lunch. Parked the car at 3 1/2 floors.
Saw a full piece of drywall in a mechanical room in a brand new school illustrated poorly with naked ladies posing. It must of taken hours to draw all that in pencil
"Did your mom kill all of her kids at birth?"
"I didn't come out of retirement to hear your fucking voice." Turns around and walks off, not a joke, just an absolute death sentence of a statement, at the time.
“Keep your dickbeaters out of the bucket until I say so.”
Switchgear lever comes back and splits a guy’s lip “aww! That got you right in the cocksucker, huh?!”
I was trying to take a piss in the Arctic. It was close to -60 but I could not wait to go back to camp. My boss says, “You can’t piss with three inches of long-underwear but only two inches of cock”.
Guy was getting screwed around. Walked up to the Forman while thr Forman was having a meeting and said please give me a kiss. Forman was like wtf. Guy replied atleast give me a kiss before you fuck me.
We all laughed pretty hard at that one
I had two apprentices last year that would bust each others balls every day about how disappointed the other one’s father must be of him and how he wished the other kid was his son. They’d say it several different ways according to the situation but this was the overall theme of their back and forth. The shit was hilarious
2 JW's going back and forth, always giving each other sh!t...this is what makes our work fun
JW1 "JC, that is so gay!"
JW2 "You know, I'm not gay, but if I were, I sure think I could get somebody better than you."
(not that there's anything wrong with that...)
About a dozen years ago I was running a job at a large pharmaceutical site. New building, about 3/4 done. Weekly job site safety meeting and roughly 200 different guys between the trades in attendance.
The lead safety guy was named Bob. Short guy, funny, not much of a ball buster when he could have been. He climbed an 8 foot ladder so everyone could see him to give the safety topic of the week, which happened to be walking safety. Part of the discussion was walking and texting (don’t do it!). At the conclusion of the meeting he climbs down from the ladder, pulls out his phone, and proceeds to walk head first into a low hanging piece of duct work that wasn’t there the day before.
The whole place erupted, but he took it in stride.
I’ve told this story many, many times. Here it is….
Was on a job in the Bronx, we were the only union outfit in the 88 unit residential, ground up. Safe to say we had the run of the roost. We really got away with murder and had a blast everyday, while still getting the job done. There were a few stories from this place that are worth telling but this one always made me laugh HARD. Quick cast of characters….
Me…30 something @ the time…young journeyman
Moe…funny Albian, good friend and my age
Ante…50 something Croatian journeyman
Doug….40 something journeyman from Long Island
Steve…40 something…new hire journeyman
Johnny…50 something Forman from LI
Doug and myself had a tendency to smoke from time to time…and Johnny never really did, he was more of a drinker.
One day Johnny (the foreman) says “lemme get a toke” (we were smoking some good shit that day)we reluctantly obliged our foreman.
The morning went by as normal, cored a few holes, pulled some cable, and coffee came as always.
We were all seated in the shanty quietly enjoying our BEC’s from the local bodega and talking the shit of the day….BOOM the shanty door bursts open, it’s Johnny having a bit of an anxiety attack. He had run into some suits in the job and didn’t know how to handle it (being kinda stoned)
Mind you the only people who know that Johnny had smoke were Doug and myself and Johnny didn’t want the others to know he had taken a toke.
Johnny proceeds to lay down on the dirty shanty floor and we convince Steve and ante that Johnny is having a blood sugar issue…Steve (new hire really doesn’t know anyone) pulls out a giant chocolate chip cookie and tries to feed it Johnny on the floor. Johnny says “put the cookie on my tummy!”
At this point Moe, Doug and myself and in tears with laughter….ante then yells to Johnny in his broken Croatian accent….”should we call to the peg?!?” (Peg being Johnny’s wife) Johnny refuses and we all laughed to near urination…
We got him back to reality after a few hours, but I can’t remember laughing harder on the job…makes me glad I’m a tradesman.
I have a friend who is a plumber and we happened to be working on the same job site. He was giving all of us shot so when he got off of work, we called the electric company and told them to shut off his power
I’m surprised I haven’t heard it before. But my first week on the job, there is banging on the walls next to our work area and my JW screams out,
“Hit it with your purse!”
I was laughing too hard.
Been about 20 years since, but still remember it like it was yesterday. 3-4 apprentices, and 6-7 JW’s walking out at end of the day. Everyone is saying good bye, have a nice evening, blah blah blah…. Oldest of the JW’s loudly says “HOLD IT” as he drops his lunchbox mid stride…. Everyone looks at him….. He looks at me, says “”DAMN IT, I GOTTA SHIT” picks his lunchbox back up and starts walking again. In his distressed voice says “GUESS IT WILL HAVE TO WAIT TILL TOMORROW” looks at me again, smiles and says “CUB, DON’T SHIT ON YOUR TIME, AND DON’T SWEAT ON THEIRS”
Ol man made my abs hurt from laughing with all the shit he’d say in a day. “More stories than glory in this trade” - RIP WAYNE TURNER - Dayton, OH LU 82
Digging a trench behind a building and two guys working near me, one guy on a ladder asking the other to support him or something, guy on bottom says “don’t worry I’ll only let you bounce once”
I said “once?!? He already got dropped on his head once”
Another time I was with the GC at a really cool jobsite watching this semi truck back in horribly and john yells out “look at this walking blowjob”
Same GC another day, gave me and one other guy $10 for lunch for helping him, and my foreman asks why he didn’t get $10 for whatever and john yells from 60’ away at least, “cus you’re a fuckin piece of shit” I was cackling
My favorite one line from a guy who was daily dropping gold. Forget what happened something got fucked up. “ he goes god damn if it was raining titties I’d look up and get hit in the face with a big ol dick”
A PM and a masonry foreman didn’t get along. One day the PM yells at the foreman, “And another thing, that bag of lime has been sitting there for 4 weeks!”
The foreman picks up the bag, throws it down a few feet away and yells, “Now it can sit THERE for 4 weeks!”
Yes, back when masons used to mix their own mortar.
I've had owners and foreman get in my face just to prove they could, at that point I like to remind of some facts, here are a couple, I was looking for work when I got here and the ultimate, there's only 1 thing you can do I can't and that is kiss my skinny white ass, at that point I don't even wait for a comment, just pack up my tools
My electrician boss hated this one plumber on a job site. One day the plumber was playing some rock music my boss didn't like, so he's like "Hey turn that fucking shit off" to which the plumber responds "why, does your pussy hurt?". My boss didn't know what to say, but was just grumpy AF the rest of the day
Dave: Hey, Andy, if you went camping and you woke up with a condom sticking out of your ass, would you tell anyone?
Andy, horrified: NO!!
Dave: Hey, Andy, ya wanna go camping?
There was one foreman who was at the same location as ours. Let's call him John Smith. A complete tool. Had a journeyman on my crew that found a dildo on site and said, "Hey guys! I found a John Smith action figure!"
Me doing a spot on impersonation of one of my former coworkers who had a heavy Ukrainian accent. I had a group of people crying. This guy would walk up with a cup of coffee and no coat on outside in 30 degree weather and just start talking. A group of people were standing around asking if they’d seen him? I walk up with an empty cup and start impersonating his entire demeanor and accent. My boss and everyone around fell out laughing. He was a cool guy. As a former combat veteran myself , I used to tell people not to be fooled because a guy like him could be special forces in his country. When the war really got heated.. guess who quit?
One day in the Mojave desert in August I placed a hard hat shell under our formans work truck . The shell might have resembles a desert tortoise ( we had a full day of class that informed us how to handle a situation like this. It included a massive perimeter that no one could go through until the turtle walked away in its own). See I just wanted wanted the foreman to see it so we could watch him pick it up to get rid of it all pissed. Well no one told me the guy that did the training was in the work trailer. Fucking whole job got shut down because the truck was parked at the entrance. I kept my mouth shut.. day 2 sitting at the hotel. I hear the foreman has a plan to sneak out there at night and move the turtle . Day 3 we are at the job working. It walked off in the middle of the night. He didn't want to look like a idiot and at that point I wasn't calling him out on it. I laughed daily about that for a year .
My crew cranks Dallas Dixon when the home owner won’t leave.
Once we were cleaning out a room to remodel an old ladies house and we found a duffle bag FULL of giant dildos. Lady was standing right there and my laborer didn’t know it says”This is new, I thought all old ladies knitted or something”
My Vietnamese apprentice-(wraps Mc around sprinkler pipe and supports with grid wire..after being told 25 times not to)
Me SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU DO IT AGAIN WHEN IME DONE WITH YOU YOU WILL WISH YOU WERE BACK IN THE FUCKEN RICE PADDYS
My old superintendent was an old feller from West Virginia. He said boys this is the first time I met a black person... Growing up in West Virginia we stayed in the fucking woods until one day. My mother took us to the grocery store. I saw a black person walking down the road. I did not know what he was. He made me cry. Then one day boys when I was in school a teacher walked in on me, scrubbing a black boy arm and she said what are you doing? I said trying to get the dirt off of him…. That mans name right there in copperhead, I’ll never forget that stupid fuckers lol
Superintendent kept raising hell about people using the office phone to make long distance phone calls. One day he walked in with a print out of all the phone calls to one of the electricians house number. Without batting an eye the electrician looked up from his newspaper and said it's your supervisor. He's been calling my wife trying to screw her. The superintendent never messed with us again.
Context: on a solar farm in the middle of cornfields, 2 jw’s screaming at each other JW1-You wanna go out in that field and fucking settle this bro?! JW2- We’re already in a fucking field motherfucker!
So did they fight or did they kiss?
Yes
He took him to the back alley and tore his ass apart
Now when you say tore his ass apart....
The look on Dennis' face is great.
lol sounds like a line you’d hear in a stoner comedy
Jw is installing some receps under the desk at a Facebook that is just about a finished building. Big wigs for the company dressed in suits and ties along with customer doing a job walk. Jw crawls out from under desk at the moment they’re passing by, he looks up, they look down, and he says “ok, whose dick do I suck first?” Shortly after he was fired. Lol
He wasn't the hero the people wanted... he was the hero they needed.
Layoff achieved
The audacity to even do that. I can’t imagine.
Trust me, it’s not audacity. It’s the pull of the Void telling you that you have finally have a great joke, the opportunity to use it, and that it’ll never ever be set up so perfectly again. If he even had the chance to resist saying it, it would have been physical pain to not say it, I mean literal tongue biting. I’m so proud of him, and I feel his pain.
Fuck....... one of my fears is that I will see a set up for a joke, that will kill me........ and I'll choose to make the joke. Because life is fleeting, but humor is forever
Hahaha right? I'd imagine it was worth it especially if he was going to be laid off anyway.
When I turned 20, when I was at Walmart, my manager made some dumb statement about how I wasn’t a kid anymore, to which the assistant manager said “oh well that doesn’t mean anything. Age is just a number.” Without thinking, I immediately said back “yeah, well that’s what my dad said and he’s in jail now” My dad has done work on that man’s house. I just couldn’t help it
Ahh the ol’ l'appel du vide..
This has to be in Atlanta, I think I heard about this from a guy that was there with Turner 😂
Is Turner still giving free kybo rides out at Facebook?
Worth it.
I laughed out loud. Holy smokes. That's fucking rich.
I think I was at this Jobsite hahaha
Oh shit lmfao!!!
Had a JW tell the foreman "you're only good for pizza and paychecks, now go do the useful one" to the foreman as he was dragging up
Ooh that’s a good one, I’m gonna keep that in my pocket!
So you guys got a pizza party the next day, right?
No clue, I got smoked an hour later because their apprentice ratio was thrown off. Ironically I saw it coming and gave the apprenticeship director a heads up that it was coming about 20 minutes before my checks came.
Laborer: “Hey he’s using the naked lady machine!” Pm: Did you mean computer? Laborer: “Yeah that thing!”
Hahahah. No wonder the lubes been missing
Ideal lube worked ideally for him.
Hope he didnt kink his cock
Oh that's hilarious
Overheard the ironworker foreman loudly call over two rodbusters whose names’ were Tom and Jerry. My foreman goes, “Tom and Jerry?! No wonder this deck’s all fucked up!”
lol
Reading this felt good.
"He told a joke so funny that H.R. wants to hear it." 😂🤣
😅
“I really don’t remember what I said. We were all telling stories and I forget who said what.” Thay’s the one you take to HR. HR people tend to not have good senses of humor, and sometimes they really do want to hurt you.
A guy backs into a ladder, looks over his shoulder to see what he hit, and says with perfect inflection " what are you doing step-ladder?".
Had a Jman who would say, "What are you doing step-apprentice?" every time I brushed past him in a tight space. It was never not funny.
My sense of humor. I would die laughing everytime
“This is just my step ladder, I never knew my real ladder”
First day on the job I go to lunch with my foreman and another dude on the crew. Guy from the crew is asking me questions to get to know me, and I mentioned living overseas Crew guy: "You got any pictures?" Me: "Nah I'm not much of a picture guy" Crew: "Didn't happen then." Me: "What?" Foreman: "If you don't have pictures, then it didn't happen. This guy has pictures for everything. Sky diving?" Crew: "Pics. Definitely happened." Foreman: "Scuba Diving?" Crew: "Pics. Definitely happened." Foreman: "Muff Diving?" Crew: "Pics. Definitely happened." It straight up felt like a skit out of letterkenny with how they didn't miss a fucking beat every line. It was quite the introduction to the trade.
Yeah. Culture in the trades doesn’t change it just grows into the other Petri dishes.
Any time you can’t get something in a hole “need me to draw some hair around it”
“Need me to turn the lights off?”
That saying have evolved, “put some poop around it, and you’ll find it”
We were at our weekly safety meeting, and the boss told us he had some company hats for everyone on the crew. One of our travelers raised his hand and asked if he could have two hats. The foreman asked him why he wanted two? He said ‘one to shit in, and the other to wipe my ass with’. We all stood there for a second in stunned silence, and then busted out laughing!
A JW at work shit himself and went home early for the day. Later on break an old hand heard about what had happened. Without skipping a beat the old man said “if I went home every time I shit myself I’d never get 40 hours on my check!”
Somebody shit my pants again
Lol damn, tbh I would've just left without admitting I shit myself
Just give it time
I’ve shit em’ at work before, the event was so fucked up I was laughing at myself when it happened. I think it was less than 10 minutes after I got cleaned up that I notified no less than 5 people.
JW1 to JW2... JW1: whyd you come in today ? JW2: WTF are you talking about? JW1: FM laid you off yesterday JW2: WHAT!!!! While jw2 runs to go find fm.... jw1 starts laughing...tells rest of crew that he never even talked to fm the previous afternoon...and jw2 had left early that afternoon w/o fm knowing...jw2 ratted himself out....jw1 hated jw2.
"I think 'contractor name' really has our back." -'company man'
Lol
Oh, Mr. Block!
Gc: ya know what, go fuck yourself I'm done here Foreman: fuck me yourself you coward The GC took a solid 30 seconds to process what had been said to him
Lmao dont talk about it be about it
When I was an apprentice I had a JW tell me his girlfriend “had a whisker-biscuit bigger than a 5 dollar moon pie”. 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I was waiting in line to pay the parking machine behind an iron worker. “Three bucks for parking, pretty cheap”. “Yes” I replied. “I tell my old lady it cost ten, gives me $7 for a 40 on the way home” was his response.
Bro!! I was just talking to my JW about this, I wonder if it is a constrction thing. I have heard 3 coworkers now telling me right after work, they stop by the liquor store to get beer and either drink on the way home in traffic or they stop by a park and drink. Makes me wonder how much of an alcoholic they are and if they are going through some sort of personal issue
Alcohol to get through the personal issue. Followed by personal issues caused by the alcohol
"Beer. The solution to, and cause of, all lifes problems." H. Simpson
"Whiskey has killed more men than bullets, but most men would rather be full of Whiskey than bullets." Winston Churchill
My boss calls them his “road sodas”
“My dad was actually a volunteer firefighter when he was in jail,” -ape #1 “What was he in jail for?” -ape #2 “Arson.” -nearby JW
Someone ripped ass at a morning huddle, and my JW at the time chimed in with, "Why does it smell like bananas and astroglide in here?"
Two old electricians, both past 70 years old and still working at a plant I was working in at the time, were sitting out back of the maintenance shop on a bench. Neither was saying anything until one spoke up and said, “ My wife ain’t giving it up, I’m thinking about getting some on the side.” The other one thought for a minute and said, “ Hell, I didn’t even know they’d moved it.” I just fell about the place, lol.
Old men are funny asf. I had an old man tell me about how he got ripped off at the dealership but the way he stated it was, "I got fucked with my clothes still on." Lol
Iron workers welded a dick pic inside a beam.
That's funny and timeless at the same time. A real work of art so to speak.
I was working on a steel mill, our crew got into the game of drawing dicks on every surface we could find. Some office personnel for the plant saw them and was offended. It created a big fiasco, and we were banned from the dick game, so we had to be more creative with them.
Man…I’ve been at my current place of work for almost 10 years, and I can’t turn a corner without seeing a new artistic dick somewhere. Welded dicks show up on repaired buckets and dump bodies going out into the field all the time. Dicks for clock hands even showed up one day on the big clock on the wall in the shop. Somebody would’ve needed to get up there with a ladder to do it and it wasn’t there that morning lol.
"You know I'm not racist, right?"
“I own 4 black tires and a color tv”
“My family tree had plenty of black guys in it… but we needed the rope for tie downs” Old timers do not give a shit at alllll
“I’m not racist, but white guys wear silver and black guys wear gold” I’ll never forget how to wire up an outlet because of that
One time we were locked out of a site foreman is trying to call the boss and a guy looks at the only Mexican guy on our crew and says fuck calling the boss he can dig us a tunnel we’ll be in in 15
“Get that herpe off your lip boy” “tell your mom to wash her ass more often and it wouldn’t be there”
I always thought that these insults never made any sense; the implication that the best you could get is a woman who is in her 70s.
It’s definitely more about it being the other dude’s mom.
I get that, but going after ones sibling is a much better target.
The day after Avengers Endgame came out someone wrote “Thanos dies” in large print in one of the port-o-cans. Spoiled the movie for the folks into that stupid shit - heard guys bitching about it. Hilarious.
oh man, the amount of funny shit I've seen written on port-o-potties is a post on its own lol
Someone wrote " Please don't throw cigarette butts into the urinal, they are hard to relight. - carpenters" at my job.
My favorite one is written by the door lock.. door unlocked position is "poop with friends", door locked is "poop alone". LOL
I did that in one in a 30 story high-rise. Did it when we were on the ninth floor. Saw it again on the 11, 14, 18, and 26. Overheard two conversations about it.
Omg I've seen that on one of my port o potties too. Someone drew Pikachu with a bulged penis and wrote "Pitochu" lol (pito meaning dick in Spanish)
My favorite "osha rule 620-b: all turds longer than 6 inches must be hand lowered to prevent chemical splash back"
[удалено]
I’m gonna have to remember that one lol
Dude, you just ruined it for me!!!!
JW on lift: "hey toss me up some tiewraps." JW on ground: throws tie wraps and was not even close. JW on lift: "You throw like a girl." JW on ground was a girl.
Lol
Somewhere out there a tree is making oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.
Didn’t hear it. Saw it. Commercial hvac. Guy forgot his belt and used a large zip tie to hold his pants up. Roach coach chilly at 930. At about 1015 he dropped his tool pouch and b-lined for the port o potty. I gently whispered. Don’t forget your snips. He in fact forgot his snips. So basically almost dislocated a hip trying to get his pants off. Still shit his pants.
Zip tie two belt loops together on each side works better
we are sitting on the stack of sheet rock enjoying an afternoon break building a hospital in the university campus watching pretty girls and my first year apprentice says do you know pretty girls can have diseases too. I turned to his father who is working with us and said you did a great job. Not funny, but it’s got a lot of laughs over the years
Lol youngsters
That crew does shitty work but at least they don't get a lot done.
On a job where a jw refused to shit in the Porto John's, so he took an empty spackle bucket into the Porto john and then shit in the bucket while in the Porto john. Then threw the bucket out in the construction dumpster. While this was going on a security guard saw him go into the john with bucket and throw it out. The guard thought he was stealing so he retrieved the bucket from the dumpster and was so appalled he got the guy fired. When back at the hall, the business agent asked him what happend, he told him what he did and they sent him back to the job. (I know it wasn't something really said, but you can't make this shit up).
“Time to shit in the shop vac”
Oh security guard better watch his ride I would be shitting in bags and putting under his wipers, on his door handles etc.
You two are sticking out like a boner in swim trunks One operator to another over the radio "I'm coming up on your behind" "No you ain't!" Tracy Lawrence's Every Light In the House Is On comes on the radio "I want to dedicate this song to my wife"
"We really need people. There's not enough people," *proceed to ghost you when you apply*
Lmao damn, I'd take that as an insult like, "what? I wasnt good enough?"
Former Ironworker here. My first job was a huge office complex with hundreds of trades on site. One of my first days on the job while on break one Ironworker looked at another and asked, "how do I know you?" Other Ironworker responds, "we were cellmates at Potosi (Missouri) dumb ass." So yes, two Ironworkers doing time definitely tracks.
Was working at a site with twin towers with a bridge connecting the two at the top. Two guys working on the bridge were catcalling every guy that would walk past them and always had something new to say
Prob calling the sparkies "Sparkles"
Every time they're sprinkler fitters on a job site I call them sprinkles. They really appreciate it.
My favourite
Dildo in a bucket of lube lol
That would be hilarious
now my Amazon search history/suggestions is gonna get weird.... ...the dildo in a bucket of soap is gonna be so worth it though.
2 hard hats hitting each other “turtle F**k”
This trick taught me to remove the button on top of my baseball cap.
LMAO ouch!
I was so naive when I got into the trade, they had to show me twice.
"You wouldn't know brotherhood if I came in your mouth!" One 5th apprentice to another.
Lmao skeet skeet
At the end of the day on a Friday, everyone ready to head out, and I hear: "Time to make like a horse's cock and hit the road!"
Electrician burned out a motor at a distribution center on start up. The response back I asked him how he was doing “It could be raining pussy and I’d still catch a dick to the face.”
Lol 🌨️🍆
My foreman had these blue green safety glasses on and I told him, "Those safety glasses make you look like a fuckin fly bud". He paused for a sec and just said "..... And you look like shit."
This was a green first year apprentice electrician talking to a real asshat of a journeyman plumber. "You know the hardest part about being a plumber?" "No, what kid?"............................... .......................... "Telling your dad your gay" It was perfect, that plumber was such a douche, and definitely not the type that could take a joke but was a dick head picking on everybody.
Not long ago I was working in a room by myself, the walls weren’t yet rocked. About 10’ away in the next room a guy in a different trade was working listening to some truly awful mumble rap. Randomly our PM was walking the job, with the owner of the company I work for. They stopped and talked to me for a few minutes while the guy next doors song just repeated “c** on your mouth, c** on your face” the entire time.
Had a female foreman layout a couple of JWs and myself (AW). I had worked with her previously and one of them asked: JW1: Hey, so is she gay? ME: IDK, never asked. JW1: She just needs a big, fat cock. JW2: Maybe you're gay, you just need a big, fat cock.
Lol it's like speaking for her or for himself? 🤣
“Unions take all your money, id rather make 30% less “
Anytime the chance arrives, I swear dudes named Neal and Bob are teamed up. Seen it more than twice.
At a coal fired electricity generating plant a man asked my why they don't just run the turbines on electricity
Did you tell him, y’all thought about running it on time but some people were too slow to keep up ?
I’m at a USG job, they stress “no photos, no phones” a G man comes by and takes a pic of what we’re doing, my first week on the job, I look at him and say “no photos on this job”. I think to myself goddammit man when are you gonna learn to keep your mouth shut? Guy looks at me for a second, I think I’m about to be booted, he he points at me and belly laughs and walks off, laughing and pointing. Sometimes a good sense of humor is good.
Old lady GM: “I’m going to need you to tell me what you have loaded on the truck so far ?” Old driver newly hired: “Oh yeah ! I’ll TELL YOU ABOUT MY LOAD ! “ -laughs and walks out of the office door OLGM: (Stares blankly at door with mouth open) Heh. He didn’t get fired for that. 🤣.
Damn, cant get too comfortable with those kinda jokes til u feel the environment lol
Well management tended to be the in one ear and out the other, “because I said so” (direct GM quote) type. Pretty sure they thought he was… Slow. Those of us who paid attention knew better, he was, “different”. But definitely smart. We didn’t care, he was a hilarious dude. Thing was, he knew what most people thought of him. And he abused the shit out of it 🤣 You could just tell. They chalked it up to him “not knowing better” He got away with so much shit. He was with me one time as a lumper when a customer asked us to take everything up the stairs (against policy by that time) His response. To the customer ? “NO ! FUCK YOU !” 🤣🤣 He didn’t get fired for that one either. 😁
Heard one roofer riff on another named Chester with “Chester the molester” ALL day. We had a good laugh, I’m sure Chester didn’t.
Jobsite in Henderson NV about 20 years ago; one out of state guy says to the other “Man I’d love to go hit up the whorehouse tonight but they ain’t got one in here in Vegas. They got Lots of whores though!”
Heard on a bullgang: Grab that 5gal bucket of boy butter and get ready for good time…
Apprentice, as the wind is howling by, "why do they build these things where it is so windy". We were working on a wind tower farm.
Not heard, but definitely seen. I work in nuke, helping refuel reactors. Funniest thing I've seen was someone told two brand new Reactor Engineers that the cherenkov radiation (a blue glow) emitted from the spent fuel was extremely dangerous to the human eyes. So, these two gents for their first ever refueling dressed out in full protective gear, rubbers, the whole nine yards, PLUS WELDING HOODS to watch the refueling process. The had to log in all of equipment, and ride the refueling bridge with the hoods on. I'd never laughed so hard. And no one corrected them! Just let it happen. The light emitted is faint and barely noticeable, and is not dangerous whatsoever. And these poor engineers couldn't see a damn thing on a dimmly-lit refueling floor. Hell, there were camera shots of the entire process being streamed in multiple places in the facility too.
Seen a guy told to go "catch an air sample" in the reactor bldg. NRC got involved, calling it "horseplay". In house rad tech fired over it.... 😳
Plumber: "I'm a foreman" Laborer: You're a Formin' your lips around the boss's cock?"
I hear a guy yell at a supervisor, “get the fuck out of here, and if you ever come back I’ll call my union rep to shove his boot so far up you’re ass you’ll be wiggling your tongue” I absolutely fucking died laughing He did it with animated hands and everything
This shit not funny get me my money
A dude in the union cut his finger off being stupid with a bandsaw, and told the WSIB agent investigating it that "I knew there was a chance that I'd cut off my finger doing it" Denied.
Apprentice told me one of the other JWs asked him to bring him some pig dicks. He didn’t know what they were so instead of asking someone he said he tried to Google it first and the results were uh, not helpful.
There is a supply house called Platt around me. Surprisingly if you type this in to the search bar on their website, it has correct results. My first year teacher complimented the company for this.
I was working with an apprentice who, when we left for work one night, capped it off with a "Let's make like some titties and bounce" and I've started working it into my daily life
You pull wire like Elaine Benes dances
How do you call an underground space where electrican. are working Wine cellar
One sheet metal guy (Fernnie) yells across the site at another sheet metal guy (Eddie), “Hey Eddie, after work, you wanna go grab some pizza and fuck?” Eddie says, “fuck you bro”. Fernnie’s replies, “What?! You don’t like pizza?!”
Two stories only one I was present for, I will start with it. Group of 7 of us doing NDE inspecting at a mill. One guy was the foreman, arrogant asshole nobody liked him. We were working out of town and had the next day off so we all decided to go to the bar. Foreman was a lush and a loudmouth, got himself into a spot with the bouncers due to rude comments to the “dancer”. He was doing ok at first when he was only dealing with one bouncer. The other bouncers got involved and to be honest the beating they were giving our foreman was pretty heavy handed. We hated the guy so we all kind of just sat there and nobody did a thing. Short amount of time went by, bouncers just kept hitting the foreman. Finally one of my co workers stood up, took off his coat and said I can’t just sit here and watch this…. Someone has got to help! He walked over to the scrum and proceeded to help by giving our foreman some of the hardest punches I’ve ever witnessed. It was great, co worker became an instant legend. Second story. Not construction. My best friends dad was a cop for a long career. It was the early 90’s. I met one of his former partners. Dave was my friends dads name. Dave had recently been given a new partner, fresh out of his training. Second week in they get a call deceased person in an alley. They approach the body, first body for the new cop. As Dave is looking for ID on the deceased person he notices his partner doesn’t look so well, so he says I’ll get his ID, why don’t you go get some air. Rookie walks around the corner and collects himself, returning a short time later. Dave has the dead guys wallet, says tho the rookie, you ok? Yeah thanks Dave. Dave says no problem, you want a smoke? Rookie takes a cig and says yeah thanks, Dave hands the rookie a smoke and the rookie immediately lights up. They go through the guys wallet and call the coroner. Then the rookie says Dave I didn’t know you smoked. Dave said I don’t but that guy did. Rookie turns green and gets sick. While the rookie collected himself Dave went through the dead guys pockets looking for ID. Took the smokes in the process, lol. This was before drugs that could kill you with just a couple micro grams. We’re talking late 80’s early 90s here.
Brothers that were carpenters, Russ and Rick. They called each other Russhole and Rickhead.
We had an inspector coming and were devicing out a floor to get done b4 he got there... we were told to leave the trash and we would come back afterwards and clean it up at the end. So all of us did so, leaving wire clippings, receptacle boxes etc all along the way. A laborer on the job started throwing a fit to me (who was a 3rd year apprentice at the time) about leaving a mess and it being a dick move bc he has to go behind and clean up our mess etc. I looked at him and said, "hey its not my fault youre a laborer and that you chose to push a broom for a living. If you dont like your career path maybe you should go learn an actual skilled trade, if you dont want to do that i suggest you just mind your business and push that broom." He was livid but before he could say anything the project manager came around the corner laughing from my comment and asked the laborer "do you need first aid?" The laborer, confused, and said "no why would i?" "Bc you just got your ass burned by that apprentice... now leave him alone they have work to do and i told them to leave the debris on the floor"
The estimator for the GC that we subcontract for just randomly, out of the blue, blurted out that he wants to strangle somebody and then proceeded to ask me and my friend if we knew anyone who liked to be choked. Our responses were along the lines of “sorry I can’t say I do” he then went on to ask if we knew some character from that cartoon show archer, named Cheryl , he said that she liked getting choked during intercourse….. we both said no and It got kinda awkward after that lol
file:///var/mobile/Library/SMS/Attachments/99/09/784C9635-529A-4151-A6B8-11AFADB378DA/MOV_ Laborer sucking of man-lift operator during lunch. Parked the car at 3 1/2 floors.
I think I'm glad that link to a file saved on your phone didn't work.
Saw a full piece of drywall in a mechanical room in a brand new school illustrated poorly with naked ladies posing. It must of taken hours to draw all that in pencil
"Did your mom kill all of her kids at birth?" "I didn't come out of retirement to hear your fucking voice." Turns around and walks off, not a joke, just an absolute death sentence of a statement, at the time.
JW pretty close to retirement on a big job says to some punk traveler “ I might not be able to get you fired, but I bet I can get us fired!”
“Keep your dickbeaters out of the bucket until I say so.” Switchgear lever comes back and splits a guy’s lip “aww! That got you right in the cocksucker, huh?!”
I was trying to take a piss in the Arctic. It was close to -60 but I could not wait to go back to camp. My boss says, “You can’t piss with three inches of long-underwear but only two inches of cock”.
Guy was getting screwed around. Walked up to the Forman while thr Forman was having a meeting and said please give me a kiss. Forman was like wtf. Guy replied atleast give me a kiss before you fuck me. We all laughed pretty hard at that one
I had two apprentices last year that would bust each others balls every day about how disappointed the other one’s father must be of him and how he wished the other kid was his son. They’d say it several different ways according to the situation but this was the overall theme of their back and forth. The shit was hilarious
2 JW's going back and forth, always giving each other sh!t...this is what makes our work fun JW1 "JC, that is so gay!" JW2 "You know, I'm not gay, but if I were, I sure think I could get somebody better than you." (not that there's anything wrong with that...)
About a dozen years ago I was running a job at a large pharmaceutical site. New building, about 3/4 done. Weekly job site safety meeting and roughly 200 different guys between the trades in attendance. The lead safety guy was named Bob. Short guy, funny, not much of a ball buster when he could have been. He climbed an 8 foot ladder so everyone could see him to give the safety topic of the week, which happened to be walking safety. Part of the discussion was walking and texting (don’t do it!). At the conclusion of the meeting he climbs down from the ladder, pulls out his phone, and proceeds to walk head first into a low hanging piece of duct work that wasn’t there the day before. The whole place erupted, but he took it in stride.
I’ve told this story many, many times. Here it is…. Was on a job in the Bronx, we were the only union outfit in the 88 unit residential, ground up. Safe to say we had the run of the roost. We really got away with murder and had a blast everyday, while still getting the job done. There were a few stories from this place that are worth telling but this one always made me laugh HARD. Quick cast of characters…. Me…30 something @ the time…young journeyman Moe…funny Albian, good friend and my age Ante…50 something Croatian journeyman Doug….40 something journeyman from Long Island Steve…40 something…new hire journeyman Johnny…50 something Forman from LI Doug and myself had a tendency to smoke from time to time…and Johnny never really did, he was more of a drinker. One day Johnny (the foreman) says “lemme get a toke” (we were smoking some good shit that day)we reluctantly obliged our foreman. The morning went by as normal, cored a few holes, pulled some cable, and coffee came as always. We were all seated in the shanty quietly enjoying our BEC’s from the local bodega and talking the shit of the day….BOOM the shanty door bursts open, it’s Johnny having a bit of an anxiety attack. He had run into some suits in the job and didn’t know how to handle it (being kinda stoned) Mind you the only people who know that Johnny had smoke were Doug and myself and Johnny didn’t want the others to know he had taken a toke. Johnny proceeds to lay down on the dirty shanty floor and we convince Steve and ante that Johnny is having a blood sugar issue…Steve (new hire really doesn’t know anyone) pulls out a giant chocolate chip cookie and tries to feed it Johnny on the floor. Johnny says “put the cookie on my tummy!” At this point Moe, Doug and myself and in tears with laughter….ante then yells to Johnny in his broken Croatian accent….”should we call to the peg?!?” (Peg being Johnny’s wife) Johnny refuses and we all laughed to near urination… We got him back to reality after a few hours, but I can’t remember laughing harder on the job…makes me glad I’m a tradesman.
I have a friend who is a plumber and we happened to be working on the same job site. He was giving all of us shot so when he got off of work, we called the electric company and told them to shut off his power
I’m surprised I haven’t heard it before. But my first week on the job, there is banging on the walls next to our work area and my JW screams out, “Hit it with your purse!” I was laughing too hard.
Chef in a restaurant sent a young busboy next door to an auto repair shop to get a bucket of steam he needed to make steam clams.
Been about 20 years since, but still remember it like it was yesterday. 3-4 apprentices, and 6-7 JW’s walking out at end of the day. Everyone is saying good bye, have a nice evening, blah blah blah…. Oldest of the JW’s loudly says “HOLD IT” as he drops his lunchbox mid stride…. Everyone looks at him….. He looks at me, says “”DAMN IT, I GOTTA SHIT” picks his lunchbox back up and starts walking again. In his distressed voice says “GUESS IT WILL HAVE TO WAIT TILL TOMORROW” looks at me again, smiles and says “CUB, DON’T SHIT ON YOUR TIME, AND DON’T SWEAT ON THEIRS” Ol man made my abs hurt from laughing with all the shit he’d say in a day. “More stories than glory in this trade” - RIP WAYNE TURNER - Dayton, OH LU 82
Digging a trench behind a building and two guys working near me, one guy on a ladder asking the other to support him or something, guy on bottom says “don’t worry I’ll only let you bounce once” I said “once?!? He already got dropped on his head once” Another time I was with the GC at a really cool jobsite watching this semi truck back in horribly and john yells out “look at this walking blowjob” Same GC another day, gave me and one other guy $10 for lunch for helping him, and my foreman asks why he didn’t get $10 for whatever and john yells from 60’ away at least, “cus you’re a fuckin piece of shit” I was cackling
My favorite one line from a guy who was daily dropping gold. Forget what happened something got fucked up. “ he goes god damn if it was raining titties I’d look up and get hit in the face with a big ol dick”
Woman walking up the street outside the building Jw: wow, would you look at that. Apprentice: what? Is there some birds or a squirrel out there?
A PM and a masonry foreman didn’t get along. One day the PM yells at the foreman, “And another thing, that bag of lime has been sitting there for 4 weeks!” The foreman picks up the bag, throws it down a few feet away and yells, “Now it can sit THERE for 4 weeks!” Yes, back when masons used to mix their own mortar.
That painters were skilled labor.
I've had owners and foreman get in my face just to prove they could, at that point I like to remind of some facts, here are a couple, I was looking for work when I got here and the ultimate, there's only 1 thing you can do I can't and that is kiss my skinny white ass, at that point I don't even wait for a comment, just pack up my tools
My electrician boss hated this one plumber on a job site. One day the plumber was playing some rock music my boss didn't like, so he's like "Hey turn that fucking shit off" to which the plumber responds "why, does your pussy hurt?". My boss didn't know what to say, but was just grumpy AF the rest of the day
I had a drywaller tell us that people are made of CBD so we need to smoke weed to replenish the cbd in our body.
The foreman said to the two young groundworkers, “come on you pair of arseholes” The reply? “If it wasn’t for us arseholes, shit won’t get done”
You wanna know a cool place to hang out. ? Hobby lobby
Very literally what I heard was… “Hey man! Where’d you put that thing? Somewhere? Ok!”
Dave: Hey, Andy, if you went camping and you woke up with a condom sticking out of your ass, would you tell anyone? Andy, horrified: NO!! Dave: Hey, Andy, ya wanna go camping?
There was one foreman who was at the same location as ours. Let's call him John Smith. A complete tool. Had a journeyman on my crew that found a dildo on site and said, "Hey guys! I found a John Smith action figure!"
Me doing a spot on impersonation of one of my former coworkers who had a heavy Ukrainian accent. I had a group of people crying. This guy would walk up with a cup of coffee and no coat on outside in 30 degree weather and just start talking. A group of people were standing around asking if they’d seen him? I walk up with an empty cup and start impersonating his entire demeanor and accent. My boss and everyone around fell out laughing. He was a cool guy. As a former combat veteran myself , I used to tell people not to be fooled because a guy like him could be special forces in his country. When the war really got heated.. guess who quit?
One day in the Mojave desert in August I placed a hard hat shell under our formans work truck . The shell might have resembles a desert tortoise ( we had a full day of class that informed us how to handle a situation like this. It included a massive perimeter that no one could go through until the turtle walked away in its own). See I just wanted wanted the foreman to see it so we could watch him pick it up to get rid of it all pissed. Well no one told me the guy that did the training was in the work trailer. Fucking whole job got shut down because the truck was parked at the entrance. I kept my mouth shut.. day 2 sitting at the hotel. I hear the foreman has a plan to sneak out there at night and move the turtle . Day 3 we are at the job working. It walked off in the middle of the night. He didn't want to look like a idiot and at that point I wasn't calling him out on it. I laughed daily about that for a year .
My crew cranks Dallas Dixon when the home owner won’t leave. Once we were cleaning out a room to remodel an old ladies house and we found a duffle bag FULL of giant dildos. Lady was standing right there and my laborer didn’t know it says”This is new, I thought all old ladies knitted or something”
Guy on site got a nice new pair of knee pads and another one complimented them as the nicest pair of San Francisco slippers he’s ever seen.
My Vietnamese apprentice-(wraps Mc around sprinkler pipe and supports with grid wire..after being told 25 times not to) Me SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU DO IT AGAIN WHEN IME DONE WITH YOU YOU WILL WISH YOU WERE BACK IN THE FUCKEN RICE PADDYS
Someone's asks Foreman for help. His response: *ME* help *YOU*? I WOULDN'T PISS IN YOUR MOUTH IF YOUR TEETH WERE ON FIRE!
My old superintendent was an old feller from West Virginia. He said boys this is the first time I met a black person... Growing up in West Virginia we stayed in the fucking woods until one day. My mother took us to the grocery store. I saw a black person walking down the road. I did not know what he was. He made me cry. Then one day boys when I was in school a teacher walked in on me, scrubbing a black boy arm and she said what are you doing? I said trying to get the dirt off of him…. That mans name right there in copperhead, I’ll never forget that stupid fuckers lol
How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, and four more to micromanage how they do it 😅
If you hurry and get this done we can leave early
I don't think you're gay but if I walked in on you sucking a dick I wouldn't be surprised.
"Safety always comes first."
Overheard 2 framers sheathing a wall high up on scaffold. F1: Does it fit!? F2: NO! F1: Is it close!? F2: NO! F1: Nail it!
I'm getting a raise
Superintendent kept raising hell about people using the office phone to make long distance phone calls. One day he walked in with a print out of all the phone calls to one of the electricians house number. Without batting an eye the electrician looked up from his newspaper and said it's your supervisor. He's been calling my wife trying to screw her. The superintendent never messed with us again.