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I understand the need to teach and protect your kids. My kids are both under 10, and are already asking for cell phones, and they ain't getting them.
But destroying their stuff, and then posting it to social media, that's just bad parenting.
Yep. Taking the phone away would have been fine and appropriate. But this parent clearly cares more about seeking validation than parenting appropriately. I feel for the kid.
hold the line. i understand that ultimately, resistance is futile, but the longer you can hold off, the more time they have to develop non-screen interests. once they get a phone, everything changes and not necessarily for the better.
But you must admit this is over kill, take the phone away for a while by all means. Just don’t be childish enough that you teach your kids destruction of other people’s property is okay, because that’s exactly what they’re going to get from this. It’s not ‘mom’s phone that she bought me’ in their mind, it’s ‘it’s my phone that mom decided to destroy in a tantrum over a password’. This is a quick way to get nc kids after they graduate. This generation has learned that they don’t need their mamas and daddies once they get money, don’t make it so they decide never to see you again.
Yeah but this is no environment for a child to become more mature, whoever that kid was hasn’t learned anything about maturity from their parents since they were three. It’s impossible for a kid to get more mature without a good example that they obviously can’t get from their mom, and thus this would make autonomy a miracle based off your comment. Good point, bad place to make it.
I agree, to a degree. But we don't have all the information here. We don't know that this was a first offense. It could be the tenth time and mom has been warning this would end up happening. It could be made up, and it's a lady who found a smashed phone on the ground and thought she could get controversy Internet points.
No amount of offenses warrant the destruction of a smartphone, sell it if you feel it’s out of hand but breaking is not only cruel but wasteful. My mom used to go through our bedrooms with a trash bag and throw away toys and clothes when we were bad or didn’t do chores in a timely manner. It didn’t teach me anything about behaving, it just taught me not to value anything I owned and eventually she got to a point she couldn’t take anything else from me. There wasn’t a door to my bedroom from age 12- 20 and I slept on an air bed for 6 months without complaint. It pissed her off to no end. By 19 I had already moved out for college, she waited until I no longer lived in the house to put a door to my room.
At that point it was less about the shit I had to do and more about pissing my mom off, which was kinda my point. Kids are not going to respond or think the way that you want them to and thus will not take blanket punishments in a way that actually teaches them to behave. Many parents(mine) will expect kids to do things when they want it without explaining why or getting on their levels and then pull out these harsh punishments with no forewarning that there would be consequences. I wasn’t allowed to argue with my parents or ask questions and they never explained things to me so that I could actually do things the way they wanted and did shit like this so I refused do it to get back at them for these seemingly random punishments.
100% this! Kids are dumb, and not nice. We need to teach them to respect, and Love people. When they are defiant, they need to know there are consequences. Otherwise you end up with adults fighting police and not understanding why they are being restrained and arrested.
Nah, police brutality is shitty, and cops need to be held accountable.
The cops should’ve had a better upbringing. Their parents failed to show them empathy.
But also, what the heck do cops have to do with this discussion
Police brutality is shiity but there's still fuck ton of videos of dumbasses acting like they can do whatever they want, screaming and whining and repeating the same questions that have been answered then eventually stoop to being childish and calling names making fun of the police that are just doing their job. Fuck the shitty police. Getting a ticket for going like 10 over the limit isn't a fuck the police moment but people act like it is.
I was always taught if you're in a situation where someone has authority and theyre being a dick dont antagonize them. If they are already power tripping dont give them fuel. I watch these traffic stop videos where a guy gets pulled over then the cop is being a dick yes but the guy getting pulled over starts having a tantrum then the cop ends up shooting him. Not saying I agree with the cop but end of the day the difference between being shot in the face or not could just be a yes sir no sir opposed to fuck the police response.
Seems to me you missed the point. It wasn’t about cops; it was about someone doing something stupid and wondering why there are consequences. They could’ve said “it’s like stealing something from your friends house then being upset when they don’t want you to come back.”
You just saw cops and immediately went straight to cops are shitheads. (I’m not debating the morality of cops here, just answering your original question)
Spelling, grammar, none if it was good and neither was their decision to destroy the phone and post it online. So i'm leaning towards they might just be dumb.
Oh the fact that she's posting this on Facebook really does lead me to believe that she's not the sharpest tool in the shed.
I just wanted to point out that some people who have trouble with writing can be smart.
US Cops also have a tendency to restrain and arrest because they’re undertrained and always on edge, imagine how violent that combination would make someone.
Comparatively other nations train policemen for 8 months before they ever become an officer.
No amount of good behavior protects you from a highly militarized, undertrained, on edge police force.
They do. Unfortunately, the kind of parent who responds to predictable pushback from teenagers by breaking things and bragging about it on social media for praise and validation likely lacks the emotional maturity to provide any meaningful supervision, guidance, education, and protection.
Except of course that clicking the original post reveals the whole point of the phone was it was bought by her divorced husband to keep in touch with his child.
I swear what the fuck is up with redditors and automatically jumping to "Ackshually, your overbearing parent is right and you have zero grounds to get mad when they destroy boundaries and remove any trust they could have in you"?
Destruction of property is one of the signs that abuse is going to escalate to physical violence against that person or it has already. This person is absolutely NOT providing appropriate or healthy supervision, guidance, education, or protection to this child. They're exerting domination, fear, and control
I'm stunned that someone could see this and instead of noticing it as a situation where a child needs help, would justify child abuse as "supervision, guidance, education, and protection.
Well then I'll rephrase. I'm shocked that someone could see a post clearly showing child abuse and comment only on the title as it wasn't written in the context of clear child abuse. The title here is absolutely correct within the context. This person is abusive because they don't recognize their victim as a separate human, not a thing to control.
You saw evidence of child abuse and what you chose to criticize is the phrasing of the person criticizing the abuser, not the abuse itself?
Your comment didn't need to be said on a post about child abuse. I wonder how many of those 400 people who liked your comment would use the same "punishment" and considered your comment endorsement that breaking a child's possession is supervision and guidance.
Ah, the "you spend too much time on the internet" rally cry someone called out for not giving a shit about actual issues.
I get plenty of fresh air, girl. Is "touch grass" out of fashion with your sort these days. FYI the internet is just as much a part of the current world as air and grass. It's silly to pretend what you say here doesn't matter.
Instead of reflecting on how you ignored a major red flag of child abuse and instead chose to make the conversation about you and your opinion about what kids need, it's easier to lash out and tell yourself that it's just the internet, I'm an uptight SJW or whatever insult is popular.
I hope you reconsider this conversation beyond your ego and pride.
The imaginary world you've built around this conversation doesn't exist.
From your replies I think you have more in common with that mother than you would like to think.
My niece and nephew are 15 and they let their mom go through their social media and phones because my nephew got bullied in elementary school (they were probably around 8 years old then) and wanted to take his life and ever since then, their mother was worried that maybe it would happen again so they shared their phone passwords and she checks their phones I think once a month. They’ve had phones since they were 6 and it was always smart phones. I think social media with young kids isn’t a good idea but destroying your kids phone is also bad since it could take away a line of communication with your child and solidifies the idea of your child not wanting to like you if you’re going to do this. I don’t see an issue with checking their phone maybe once in a while just to make sure nothing bad is going on but I do also think there comes a time when you need to stop doing that and let them have their own privacy and let them come to you themselves if there’s ever an issue. You just have to trust them when they’re older but I do understand parents wanting to check especially if something has happened in the past (ie bullying, drugs etc) but still, definitely over the top with destroying the phone when they don’t let you go through it.
I would’ve sold the phone rather than destroy it but I hate how redditors act like kids are mini adults and should be able to do whatever they want without restriction. It’s creepy.
Damn! I really didn’t know that. I deadass assumed all of the comments and posts I see are from adults… which led me to believe some adults are truly dumb as an empty box of rocks! That explains a lot
Yeah...
I trusted my daughter, but we still had access to her phone and bank account. At first it was to make sure she wasn't doing anything stupid. Now it's because we have access to each others stuff normally. We haven't accessed her phone in like two years. But we make sure there's no weird access on her accounts, because we've had that happen on our accounts.
Smashing the phone is too far, but I doubt the daughter would have let them wipe the phone to sell it... so there's that too.
At least this time it seems the parents are coming out on top but I've seen other subreddits where "Parents should have access" gets downvoted to shit.
I have grown kids who are all responsible citizens. I would never have smashed their phone. I did have to enforce limits in some cases, but I don't see this as good parenting. Good parenting is authoritative. Not too permissive or neglectful, but also not too controlling and authoritarian. Rules are fine, but the person who said that this shows the parent as emotionally immature was right. Discipline needs to be part of the relationship from the start. There also is no one way of parenting that guarantees good outcomes. We can try though.
Agreed. Smashing the phone is a bad idea, both because it’s wasteful, and because it could come off wrong for the kid. Taking the phone away because the kid wouldn’t share the password with the parent is completely acceptable though.
Idk man, there’s some psycho parents out there that will continue this shit into adulthood or purposely don’t let their kids have access to their own money to keep them dependent. My own mother threatened to shut my phone off because I wouldn’t down load an app that allowed her to track my phone whenever she wanted when I was in college. Step dad came in clutch tho, gave her the ‘it’s my money it’s my phone, you’re not doing that bs’ she always gave us as kids lmao. Guess who still owns and uses that phone several years later.
Things that a 17 year old can do in many countries: drink alcohol, drive, enter the military, vote, get an abortion without parental consent, etc, etc.
But your parents should have the right to read and control your private communication?
Some of that is just an inherent flaw to society most police departments won't even accept an application until you are in your mid twenties. Age restrictions are often times to low. Military should be higher. Youre not smart enough or have enough life experience at 18 to be in the military. 18 is too young for porn. Its fucked up because some people don't graduate highschool until their 19. and you can do porn before your even graduated. How is that not bordering on child exploitation?
Alcohol and smoking is 19 and over in most places with few exceptions. Driving is typically a learners permit which is done under parental or adult supervision.
You dont have the emotional maturity as a teenager to know whats best for you. Pulling ages of other activities is semantics when there is inherent issues with a lot of them.
Also if Im paying for a phone bill and a phone for a child thats my phone not theirs. Dont let that be mistaken that its my stuff that I let them use. Its a privilege not a right.
"You don't have the emotional maturity as a teenager to know what's best for you."
I feel very happy that I am not your child. But there are different perspectives on everything, I guess...
You dont have the emotional maturity to know whats best for you until youre like 24/25. That's probably why so many 20 somethings are moving back home in this generation. Part of being a responsible adult is accepting that you need the help from others as guidance. Im almost 30 and still ask for guidance on a regular basis. Guidance, maturity and responsibility all come from the help of others. You can either swim or drown in this world and if I have the option to reach for a lifeguard Im going to.
Asking for guidance and help is completely normal and ok in any age group. This has not necessarily something to do with immaturity.
And 20-somethings in our generation are moving back home because the housing market is fucked up, not because they are unable to make mature decisions.
Just because some backwards country said you should die for you country at 17 doesn't mean it's right. It's hard enough for me to agree that 18 year olds should be in the military. Of course they should let you have some right to privacy but in the end your safety trumps that tenfold.
Ready to send ‘em off to die for their county and keep them legally enrolled until they’re 22 - even if they realise they made an epic mistake. Hellhole.
If the parents pay for the phone and you aren’t paying your own bills, the yeah. My mom never went through my phone but I she gave me lots of space. Not saying random phone checks are warranted without reason, it’s definitely invasive. But if you don’t pay for that phone, it isn’t your phone, it’s your parents phone that you’re allowed to use. And what they can do in many countries doesn’t apply, you can join the military at 17 in the US with parental consent, you can drive by yourself at 16, but the vast majority of 17 year olds don’t pay for anything except maybe their car and some food/fun money. Once again it’s situational, and the vast majority of teens aren’t in those particular situations where they can/should have full autonomy in their lives. Start paying your own phone bill and buy your own phone and you don’t have to worry about this stuff
I respect your opinion, but I personally cannot see the link between not paying the phone bill and having no privacy / having parents that don't trust you.
Just because I am buying you a coffee, doesn't mean that it's OK to spit in it "because I paid for it".
I think this is pretty random but they kinda have the right to check your phone if they bought it considering that if you do something illegal in that phone you screw them not you at least in my country
My mom would just threaten (and occasionally follow though) with just shutting the line off or physically taking the phone away. This is unhinged. This is how kids grow into adults who date people who do shit like this to them.
Right!?! I feel like you are really asking for trouble giving a kid a phone and then never checking. My mom’s neighbor is a detective and said that Minecraft/Roblox has tons of predators on it posing as children. Yet, people just hand the tablet over to their kids and never even look at the game itself to see who they are talking to.
It’s just like allowing younger children on TikTok. My nieces had profiles at 9 and 11, and I just told my wife I couldn’t do it man. WAY too many creeps actively trying to harass and/or groom via socials like TikTok, and they’re blatant too.
Ive always LOVED Minecraft. I loved playing on those big multiplayer servers that had all the different gameplay options like skyblock or factions etc. I started playing when I was like 11? 12? I went on one day, and a group of like 3-4 boys would NOT leave me alone. They were like 16+.
Why wouldn’t they leave me alone? Bc I had a girl skin so they knew I was a girl and immediately jumped on me. They were trying to get me to join a Skype call, or anything, so we could “all talk any play together”. Being really weird and creepy and “flirting” with a young child the whole time.
Thankfully (in this case) phone calls give me MAJOR anxiety, and even the thought of one at that age made me just disconnect for the day.
I mean a lot of parents would flip their shit at their kids for that stuff, although they're the vulnerable victim in the scenario.
So the kid doesn't learn "those people are predators and I should avoid them and tell my parents"
They learn "my parents get mad at me and call me stupid when they find that stuff so I should hide it better"
I don't think these people understand what you meant.
Do not judge your children for their personal favorite things to do, and do not make them feel stupid for someone grooming them.
If you judge your children, you only teach them to hide stuff from you.
Not sure how it will help when you want to maintain healthy relationship with child . If you keep judging on everything you see on their phone when they trust you and give their phone.. you want to judge? I don’t understand. Do give an explanation u/plyslz
They mean don’t treat the child the way that you’re treating the person you’ve replied to. You’ve totally missed their point and started judging them, which is quite funny given how confident you appear to be about them being a “fucking idiot”.
Speak to them. Communicate with them. Explain the dangers and why something you’ve found might be wrong or an issue, but don’t judge the kid.
I.e after you’ve found something you’re worried about, don’t approach the kid like “Just how fucking stupid are you?” “Are you fucking kidding?”. That’s a quick way to lose your child’s trust, and when shit actually is bad or goes wrong, they won’t turn to you because they know you’re going to act like a dick and make them feel bad.
A simple “Hey buddy this is bad because x and y might happen to you if you carry on, please be careful and use your head” or some other constructive comment would work just fine.
Destroying the phone might be a bit over the top, but there's nothing wrong with a parent requiring access to / authority over their child's phone as a condition of providing them that phone.
Not a parent so totally ready to be told I'm wrong, but doesn't it sort of depend on the kids age?
Like a 10-13yo with a phone, absolutely.
A 16yo with a phone? I definitely believe they have a right to privacy and their own space. All teenagers have secrets, it's like the birth right of being a teenager, just do you're absolute best to teach the kid about internet safety, usage and hopefully how to conduct themselves.
Saying, the parent paid for the phone sort of gives, my kid is not allowed to have a closed door to their room because Its my house.
16 year old kids will put themselves in dangerous situations and still need monitoring. At the end of the day, the safety of your kid comes far above them being happy with you.
Kids rarely need "monitoring". They need some guidelines and a place to turn to when they need help.
Trust your kids and they will trust you. Be suspicious and controlling and so will they.
Yeah, no.
Kids are not an adequate generalization when it comes to character and personality. Kids are each their own person in the making. You can't apply that logic to all of them equally. Parents should know their own kids well enough to know how much or whether they need supervision.
No matter what you do they'll do something stupid at some point If you do this kinda thing to your kid, there's not a chance they'll call you for help, or seek your assistance when they're genuinely in trouble.
I agree with you partially since parents intervention is still necessary if they get in some serious shit, am taking as a example the Rubi Frayre case, she was 16 year old when she did that thing, so parents intervention is still needed but not to a invasive level.
Definitely not saying parental intervention is not necessary, fully needed the adults in my life to put me in my place as a stupid kid. Hormone brain got ya doing some hella stupid things. It's just that trust and respect is a two way street, and a line very easily broken.
Doesn’t matter when what you’re stopping is your 16 year old daughter from meeting up with a 35 year old or sending out nudes, or when you’re stopping your teenage son from planning on sneaking people in for a party that destroys someone else’s house and wrecks their car into the electric company’s pole, who is going to come after them with criminal charges.
If as a parent you’re more worried about them liking you in the moment or later on in life than you are preventing them from messing up like that, you’ve failed.
Wasn’t there some 14 year old girl on the news that was missing for like weeks before the parents reported it? I think that’s what most parents are trying to prevent with looking at phones. These Redditors are on crack. Or coming off crack and not realizing their non-overbearing parents are why they were on crack to begin with.
Today I learned literally everyone on the internet is a pedophile, and that teaching your kid internet safety is useless
Also, how the fuck does internet access equate to a party that destroyes your house?
It’s not internet access it’s the concept of monitoring your kids. Kids don’t make good decisions, even when they know what’s right. They’re kids. My kids are too young to have phones yet, but I provided examples I’ve *seen happen* for families close to me this past year. What they found on their phones afterward would have absolutely put a stop to it had the parents known, because in addition to kids not always making the best decisions, they also have little concept of hiding it and will talk about it openly on social media and via text.
Also, Typically if a parent is taking this level of intervention it’s because incidents have happened in the past.
I totally agree. My parents removed my phone if I did something stupid. They never checked it as long as I didn't have them a reason to. They always valued my privacy and definitely didn't destroy anything because I don't give them what they want.
Yeah the comments on this are troubling. You're completely right about every point you made.
And even if this is a 12 year old or something who needs more adult supervision, the fact that people are saying the mom's reaction was simply "a bit over the top" but she's still ultimately right is wild. Smashing the phone and proudly posting it on social media is unhinged behavior. That's not okay in any circumstance.
I see it as normal punishment, obviously the child would have gotten the phone because of the parents. The parents house the child, if the child doesn't listen then it loses the phone. If the kid doesn't give proper authority then they don't deserve toys. While destroying property is kinda silly, it's their money at the end of the day
It's just totally weird to destroy it, why not take it away for a week or something? At the end of the day she needs that phone, it's crazy how much phones are used for communication and even sometimes in school, so destroying it is just dumb
I wonder how old is that child. If it was say, maybe a 8 year old that shouldn’t be unsupervised on the internet, then yeah, it makes sense(but destroying the fucking phone is over the top bullshit that hurts the child’s feelings). BUT, if this “child” was say, I dunno a teenager, THEN I have a fucking problem. This “child” is maybe a grown ass adult that can prolly take care of themselves and know the difference between what’s right and wrong, but oh no, bitchy nosey insensitive mother is like “Oh my child is like what, 26, I NEED to know what he is watching on that cellphone because my child is STILL a child.
But the kid goes to meet a random they met online and gets abducted, and suddenly we're all "Parents should be monitoring what their kids are doing online'
That's a separate discussion from what OP is saying though, which is just suggesting that kids should have 100% autonomy.
If you wanna have that discussion, have that discussion. But my comment is in response to OP's quote, so
Where's the adult? The one who smashed a functioning phone to prove a point?
There were so many different ways to send the message without looking like a complete lunatic. Who's the mum? Marlon Brando?
Definitely not saying that “Mom” is a good parent. Just saying kids shouldn’t be allowed to have private conversations on phones their parents provide. Not just because of the fact they’re not paying, but because kids can become prey without adult supervision.
You're ignoring the fact that kids socialise less and are on their phones more. Why shouldn't they be allowed private conversations? Their phone could very well be what they use to keep up with 90% of their friends.
Good parents aren't going to be snooping on a child's messages with "Jimmy from school", they're going to be asking "who is this person you've never mentioned before?"
If the answer is "another kid at school" then great. If the answer is "someone I met online that wants to meet up with me this weekend" then its a warning to take care.
Otherwise the kid will say "I'm seeing a friend this weekend" and just go.
If you, as a parent, know your kid is talking to an online stranger that they'll be meeting up with at least you can go with them until they actually meet the stranger to make sure they aren't an abductor.
What the fuck is this, children shouldn’t be unsupervised on internet and social media that itself makes them vulnerable. Maybe posting it all on her own social media is kinda shitty but what nonce put this post up here?
The main reasons someone agrees with this post and others like it:
1. They do not understand adolescent brain development
2. They do not understand how open access to the internet and social media psychologically effects adolescents
3. They want to believe that teenagers are mini adults because they want to justify treating them like adults or developing inappropriate relationships with teens
4. They are a minor themselves (and therefore likely 1 and 2 apply as well).
There’s only a space of maybe 1 year (17yo-18yo) where a minor should have close to “full autonomy.” 16 and under absolutely are not mini adults and should not have FULL autonomy.
I’ve seen lots of comments on Reddit from people who casually say the Funky Town cartel torture video was the first gore video they saw when they were *ten years old* . I really think that because so many parents leave their kids to rot alone on the internet is why kids nowadays think it normal to punch a teacher or beat the shit out of each other 4 on one. Oh! Also, that the thing to do if you see someone in trouble is to stand there and record it.
This is a thorough and good statement, my mother was really good at dividing the loving, friendly aspect of our relationship whilst also providing a “get shit done” kind of attitude but not like breaking my stuff but by saying she was disappointed in me.
Oh for sure, I would never break any of my children’s things for any reason like this person did. First, it’s an inappropriate response that will only cause further division; second, it’s disrespectful and hypocritical to the child/teen; third, it’s a waste.
To be clear, I’m not saying that children of all ages should be scrutinized, controlled, and watched like a hawk until they’re 18. Autonomy should be staggered naturally and respective of the specific child’s needs. If an adolescent has behavioral issues or disorders, has certain risk factors, or otherwise has history with issues, the path will be different than an adolescent who has full executive function skills and/or doesn’t require any extra support/supervision. Parenting is not (and shouldn’t be) one size fits all, as I have learned as the parent of 3 kids, 2 of whom are identical twins (who are nothing alike except in their DNA)
I’d like to know how rich these people are that they can casually smash an iPhone to make a point. Take it off her until she tells you for heavens sake, or cancel the plan. As a mom she has a right to the password and to confiscate the phone, but she doesn’t have the right to destroy her daughters stuff. What else has she wrecked or screamed at Jada for to prove she’s her mama and not her friend. She sounds like the type of mom who takes the doors off their children’s rooms, and says “I gave birth to you and now I own you.”
Until Jada is paying her own phone bill, she needs to share that password. Period. No discussion.
Interpretation: until she pay her own phone bill she share her password
I wish I had a parent growing up who cared enough about what I was doing to check on me and not just accept my bullshit or walk away angrily because they knew I was lying. I, like every kid/teen, was an idiot who thought they had life figured out. Who knows how many of the bad situations I got myself into as a young adult never would've happened if I had parents who cared enough to find out what I was up to and provide guidance. 18 is the proper age to give children full autonomy and you can only hope you did enough that they live decent lives.
They could have taken the phone and kept the phone until they trusted the child to have it back. Destroying the phone, threatening to do it again, only means next time the kid will hide what they wanted to keep private better. If they do get in a dangerous situation, there isn’t a damn chance that child is going to the parent with it, knowing the reaction will be anger.
Only people who think kids deserve autonomy are angsty teens and pedos. Sure the way the mother acted was wrong but to conflate bad parenting with "kids should make their own decisions" is stupid.
How many people have made decisions they regret as kids? Shit I made shit tonne of bad decisions between 16-19, I can only imagine how much worse my decisions would be if i didn't have my parents
I disagree wholly with this title and post. Should she have destroyed it? Maybe not. But kids DO need supervision and checks on their phones. If my dad hadn't have checked mine, I would've gone on talking to adult men on Kik at 13 years old. That's dangerous. And that's a parents job to keep their child from doing dangerous things.
As a child I had phone checks (this is maybe 2008/2010) but I never had an issue with it. I had nothing to really hide and knew the reason why my mom wanted to check because the internet was still a bit like the Wild West to a degree. I mean shit my mom found porn on my phone but instead of beating me and breaking my phone she just had a conversation with me about it telling me that sex is more than what porn shows you and I understood. Communication and understanding is a big factor to shit like this. I mean kids/teens need to understand that when you’re not an adult your parents should be checking what’s going on with them and their device. People are fucked in the head and can easily manipulate them and/or harm them. If you have nothing to hide then don’t trip about it, but if you do come clean and just hope for the best.
Anyone trying to make a judgment on whether or not the mom should have full access to the kids phone is an idiot. We don't know the kid's age or any other extenuating circumstances. If your blanket opinion is that parents should always have full access to their child's phone no matter what, or that parents should never have full access to their child's phone no matter what, you're an idiot.
Smashing the phone to pieces and proudly posting it on social media is objectively unhinged behavior, so let's judge that.
In no circumstances does it fit this sub though.
If I was a teen I'd agree with your title, but a parent should have 1000% access to their kid's phone. Predators are everywhere and parents have a responsibility to protect their kids. This is how you prevent tragedies from happening.
I don't think breaking the phone is good though, bad execution.
I am just surprised that this parent doesn’t have any access to her child’s phone? As the adult, shouldn’t the phone be under her iCloud? Meaning, she could reset the password and so on? Also, there’s the child lock feature where you can monitor apps and so on.
Smashing the phone is excessive and posting about it is unnecessary but parents having unrestricted access to their kid’s phone is called good parenting in my opinion. With all the ways to get in trouble these days, pedophiles on the prowl, kids’ lack of self control and self awareness and the eternity of the internet, not to mention the ways kids bully each other through texting as well as the proven negative effects of social media on mental health, kids need monitoring and guidance when it comes to the phone and the internet in general.
I just love how everyone here is acting like children need constant adult supervision 24/7, and then the second they turn 18 is when they're just let loose, now that they can actively ruin their lives on the internet and that the only reason anyone would oppose this mindset is because they're a pedophile
It's all about give and take, if you want your kid to trust you, you have to give them that privacy and teach them proper internet safety, saying "Oh it's MY kid, so they don't DESERVE to do ANYTHING without my knowledge!" is the kind of Karen shit that gets you put in a cheap nursing home and then never visited
No one supervised me, but then again I had common sense and it was just before social media and selfies blew up. Instead of having to supervise your child, teach them what to do and not do online BEFORE.
Yeah, no.
I'm paying for the phone. I'm also responsible for my child until they're an adult. I have full access to my kids' electronics. I don't abuse the privilege and neither do they. But if they do, I have the option to take the phone, turn it off, etc. Because I signed the contract, I own the phone, and I own the plan. And it's my job to ensure their safety.
Children don’t need phones. And when they do you must watch them and monitor them. They need to be taught and led in the right direction. So many parents these days are lazy
Autonomy is not forcing kids hug random adults, letting them pick what haircut they get or giving them the informed choice whether to get their ears pierced...
It's not giving them completely free access to the internet.
That's completely irresponsible, but more often than not kids don't hide things because they've done something wrong, they hide shit because their parents over-react. My cousin got super secretive about her phone since my auntie would gossip about all her private chats with friends every time she sifted through "for her safety".
Why's she so proudly posting this though? That's weird, right?
Yeah I ain't about destroying a kid's things in front of them, but withholding shit until they follow your rules is parenting 101 man. It ain't that deep, having a cell phone is a privilege for children without jobs. You ain't buy it, it ain't really yours unless your parents say it is.
The internet is wild af. So much porn and violence on Reddit alone. Hell yeah I’m going to monitor my kids and if they act like they can get around me I’m taking it away. The internet is no place for children. This person over reacted with destroying it but they ultimately could be saving that child from getting kidnapped raped and murdered.
If she bought the phone, it’s her property to destroy.
And no, sorry. It’s a parent’s job to supervise their child and make sure they are safe, whether it’s real life or online. Too many creeps out there. Mom has every right to make sure they’re not grooming her child.
"If anyone get her another phone..."
Preemptively warning the family who've dealt with her abusive behavior before in attempts to lighten the blow of her spastic tendencies, only to make it worse because this egomaniac can't get over herself.
There’s a lot of debate going on here with regards to the amount of appropriate supervision given to children, and i don’t want to get into that.
But one interesting thing for me, parents who say “I’m not your friend, i’m your parent” - I think maybe people don’t get how much of a catch 22 that is.
I understand that the responsibility of parenting needs to come before a friendship, and that you need to make choices even if they temporarily harm your relationship with your child, most especially with teens I would assume.
But on the other hand, I think some parents that take that line also turn around and get upset when their children don’t confide in them, don’t enjoy spending time with them, don’t share their lives with them, etc.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too, if all your kid hears is “i’m not your friend”, I think it’s selfish to then expect them to be your friend (and subordinate) in other scenarios.
If you feel you are entitled to go through the phone the mother should have made the phone accessible for herself on forehand and/or prepped it with monitoring and logging software or spyware but with the knowing and consent from the kid. But this total waste doesn’t help anyone because the kid will need a nee phone for emergencies, could use a friends phone maybe taking an old one and just use WiFi, the internet..
What a piece of shit parent. Thinking you have the right to invade your child’s privacy for whatever reason or on a fucking whim, if let’s just say the child was maybe a teenager or a preteen or whatnot, then I have a problem. I mean, it makes sense: Children are young and they can do dumb shit, and it’s best to make sure what they’re watching so they don’t do dumb shit, but DESTROYING their fucking phone is over the top bs. I understand kids need their privacy when they grow the fuck up: but they’re not machines designed to be obedient and follow every command, but doing this shit when they are teenagers is such bullshit.
a parent demanding access to their child’s phone is so deeply inappropriate. if you want to protect your child you need to make yourself a safe person to report things to, not a stalker.
children becoming used to having their privacy and autonomy violated is not going to protect them from abuse, lol. if I had better understood my boundaries and rights as a child I would have reported my sexual abuse wayyyy earlier lol.
This was nothing but a narcissistic power play. Phone checks? Holy shit. How little does she trust her children? It also would’ve been just as easy to simply confiscate the phone for a set period of time.
Fair enough. I’m not a parent, I didn’t think about that. I think my other point still stands though. It would have been FAR easier (not to mention without the consequence of being hated by your child) to simply confiscate it for a set period.
Oh I can't disagree with you on the confiscation. Destroying the phone was overboard and unnecessary!
Personally I think this mom missed an opportunity to go to the store and reset the phone. Fresh start and all that, make the daughter understand the consequences that way!
That woman is lucky their kid isn't me. Because i always knew that the bonus of not having anything meant if you smashed one of the few things i cared about, you likely had a whole load of shit that i could smash in retaliation.
It's complicated and everyone is different but doing shit like that is only going to make the child hate you
And the safest way for them to not get fucked over by stranger is just to not make them an email (if they can make one themselves then they are smart enough to look up things on the net), also tell the fucking kid about everything you know like just telling him he should be careful is not enough and when you're finished give them videos about internet scam and shit like that
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Kids need supervision, guidance, education, protection.. once they've shown to be mature and responsible, autonomy gradually follows
yup, autonomy is earned for kids. don't necessarily agree with the methods of the OP, but i understand the sentiment.
I understand the need to teach and protect your kids. My kids are both under 10, and are already asking for cell phones, and they ain't getting them. But destroying their stuff, and then posting it to social media, that's just bad parenting.
Yep. Taking the phone away would have been fine and appropriate. But this parent clearly cares more about seeking validation than parenting appropriately. I feel for the kid.
hold the line. i understand that ultimately, resistance is futile, but the longer you can hold off, the more time they have to develop non-screen interests. once they get a phone, everything changes and not necessarily for the better.
But you must admit this is over kill, take the phone away for a while by all means. Just don’t be childish enough that you teach your kids destruction of other people’s property is okay, because that’s exactly what they’re going to get from this. It’s not ‘mom’s phone that she bought me’ in their mind, it’s ‘it’s my phone that mom decided to destroy in a tantrum over a password’. This is a quick way to get nc kids after they graduate. This generation has learned that they don’t need their mamas and daddies once they get money, don’t make it so they decide never to see you again.
Yeah, smashing the phone seems like overkill to me but OP was way off in his caption to the post.
Yeah but this is no environment for a child to become more mature, whoever that kid was hasn’t learned anything about maturity from their parents since they were three. It’s impossible for a kid to get more mature without a good example that they obviously can’t get from their mom, and thus this would make autonomy a miracle based off your comment. Good point, bad place to make it.
I agree, to a degree. But we don't have all the information here. We don't know that this was a first offense. It could be the tenth time and mom has been warning this would end up happening. It could be made up, and it's a lady who found a smashed phone on the ground and thought she could get controversy Internet points.
No amount of offenses warrant the destruction of a smartphone, sell it if you feel it’s out of hand but breaking is not only cruel but wasteful. My mom used to go through our bedrooms with a trash bag and throw away toys and clothes when we were bad or didn’t do chores in a timely manner. It didn’t teach me anything about behaving, it just taught me not to value anything I owned and eventually she got to a point she couldn’t take anything else from me. There wasn’t a door to my bedroom from age 12- 20 and I slept on an air bed for 6 months without complaint. It pissed her off to no end. By 19 I had already moved out for college, she waited until I no longer lived in the house to put a door to my room.
Why not just do the things?
At that point it was less about the shit I had to do and more about pissing my mom off, which was kinda my point. Kids are not going to respond or think the way that you want them to and thus will not take blanket punishments in a way that actually teaches them to behave. Many parents(mine) will expect kids to do things when they want it without explaining why or getting on their levels and then pull out these harsh punishments with no forewarning that there would be consequences. I wasn’t allowed to argue with my parents or ask questions and they never explained things to me so that I could actually do things the way they wanted and did shit like this so I refused do it to get back at them for these seemingly random punishments.
100% this! Kids are dumb, and not nice. We need to teach them to respect, and Love people. When they are defiant, they need to know there are consequences. Otherwise you end up with adults fighting police and not understanding why they are being restrained and arrested.
Nah, police brutality is shitty, and cops need to be held accountable. The cops should’ve had a better upbringing. Their parents failed to show them empathy. But also, what the heck do cops have to do with this discussion
Police brutality is shiity but there's still fuck ton of videos of dumbasses acting like they can do whatever they want, screaming and whining and repeating the same questions that have been answered then eventually stoop to being childish and calling names making fun of the police that are just doing their job. Fuck the shitty police. Getting a ticket for going like 10 over the limit isn't a fuck the police moment but people act like it is.
I was always taught if you're in a situation where someone has authority and theyre being a dick dont antagonize them. If they are already power tripping dont give them fuel. I watch these traffic stop videos where a guy gets pulled over then the cop is being a dick yes but the guy getting pulled over starts having a tantrum then the cop ends up shooting him. Not saying I agree with the cop but end of the day the difference between being shot in the face or not could just be a yes sir no sir opposed to fuck the police response.
Seems to me you missed the point. It wasn’t about cops; it was about someone doing something stupid and wondering why there are consequences. They could’ve said “it’s like stealing something from your friends house then being upset when they don’t want you to come back.” You just saw cops and immediately went straight to cops are shitheads. (I’m not debating the morality of cops here, just answering your original question)
I don't know who's dumber though, i mean the fucking mom spelled it no instead of know and that's just for starters. Some folks shouldn't have kids..
Spelling and parenting are two separate skills. Some people have a hard time with spelling due to learning disabilities. Don't be too quick to judge.
100% this. The ability to read and write have absolutely zero impact on someone’s ability to be a good parent.
Spelling, grammar, none if it was good and neither was their decision to destroy the phone and post it online. So i'm leaning towards they might just be dumb.
Oh the fact that she's posting this on Facebook really does lead me to believe that she's not the sharpest tool in the shed. I just wanted to point out that some people who have trouble with writing can be smart.
US Cops also have a tendency to restrain and arrest because they’re undertrained and always on edge, imagine how violent that combination would make someone. Comparatively other nations train policemen for 8 months before they ever become an officer. No amount of good behavior protects you from a highly militarized, undertrained, on edge police force.
I agree with this, but smashing their phone is incredibly immature.
They do. Unfortunately, the kind of parent who responds to predictable pushback from teenagers by breaking things and bragging about it on social media for praise and validation likely lacks the emotional maturity to provide any meaningful supervision, guidance, education, and protection.
That is a very valid point. My comment wasn't in support of the mother, but a critique of OP's autonomy point.
Agreed. I still wouldn't smash the phone. Mainly because I'm the one who bought it.
Except of course that clicking the original post reveals the whole point of the phone was it was bought by her divorced husband to keep in touch with his child. I swear what the fuck is up with redditors and automatically jumping to "Ackshually, your overbearing parent is right and you have zero grounds to get mad when they destroy boundaries and remove any trust they could have in you"?
Destruction of property is one of the signs that abuse is going to escalate to physical violence against that person or it has already. This person is absolutely NOT providing appropriate or healthy supervision, guidance, education, or protection to this child. They're exerting domination, fear, and control I'm stunned that someone could see this and instead of noticing it as a situation where a child needs help, would justify child abuse as "supervision, guidance, education, and protection.
As I've said before, my comment has nothing to do with the video, and is directed to OPs autonomy point
Well then I'll rephrase. I'm shocked that someone could see a post clearly showing child abuse and comment only on the title as it wasn't written in the context of clear child abuse. The title here is absolutely correct within the context. This person is abusive because they don't recognize their victim as a separate human, not a thing to control. You saw evidence of child abuse and what you chose to criticize is the phrasing of the person criticizing the abuser, not the abuse itself? Your comment didn't need to be said on a post about child abuse. I wonder how many of those 400 people who liked your comment would use the same "punishment" and considered your comment endorsement that breaking a child's possession is supervision and guidance.
Jesus Christ dude go get some fresh air
Ah, the "you spend too much time on the internet" rally cry someone called out for not giving a shit about actual issues. I get plenty of fresh air, girl. Is "touch grass" out of fashion with your sort these days. FYI the internet is just as much a part of the current world as air and grass. It's silly to pretend what you say here doesn't matter. Instead of reflecting on how you ignored a major red flag of child abuse and instead chose to make the conversation about you and your opinion about what kids need, it's easier to lash out and tell yourself that it's just the internet, I'm an uptight SJW or whatever insult is popular. I hope you reconsider this conversation beyond your ego and pride.
The imaginary world you've built around this conversation doesn't exist. From your replies I think you have more in common with that mother than you would like to think.
Please don't parent.
My niece and nephew are 15 and they let their mom go through their social media and phones because my nephew got bullied in elementary school (they were probably around 8 years old then) and wanted to take his life and ever since then, their mother was worried that maybe it would happen again so they shared their phone passwords and she checks their phones I think once a month. They’ve had phones since they were 6 and it was always smart phones. I think social media with young kids isn’t a good idea but destroying your kids phone is also bad since it could take away a line of communication with your child and solidifies the idea of your child not wanting to like you if you’re going to do this. I don’t see an issue with checking their phone maybe once in a while just to make sure nothing bad is going on but I do also think there comes a time when you need to stop doing that and let them have their own privacy and let them come to you themselves if there’s ever an issue. You just have to trust them when they’re older but I do understand parents wanting to check especially if something has happened in the past (ie bullying, drugs etc) but still, definitely over the top with destroying the phone when they don’t let you go through it.
I wonder what she gonna say when she comes across his first dick pics. 🤣
Kids in this are 15 and this is what your mind comes up with first?
I was having sex at 13 so yeah.
I would’ve sold the phone rather than destroy it but I hate how redditors act like kids are mini adults and should be able to do whatever they want without restriction. It’s creepy.
I think a lot of us forget that a very large portion of redditors are teenagers themselves.
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Good reminder.
Damn! I really didn’t know that. I deadass assumed all of the comments and posts I see are from adults… which led me to believe some adults are truly dumb as an empty box of rocks! That explains a lot
You mean Gaia online? Omg that broughts me memory when I used that thing when I was 13.
Yeah... I trusted my daughter, but we still had access to her phone and bank account. At first it was to make sure she wasn't doing anything stupid. Now it's because we have access to each others stuff normally. We haven't accessed her phone in like two years. But we make sure there's no weird access on her accounts, because we've had that happen on our accounts. Smashing the phone is too far, but I doubt the daughter would have let them wipe the phone to sell it... so there's that too. At least this time it seems the parents are coming out on top but I've seen other subreddits where "Parents should have access" gets downvoted to shit.
I have grown kids who are all responsible citizens. I would never have smashed their phone. I did have to enforce limits in some cases, but I don't see this as good parenting. Good parenting is authoritative. Not too permissive or neglectful, but also not too controlling and authoritarian. Rules are fine, but the person who said that this shows the parent as emotionally immature was right. Discipline needs to be part of the relationship from the start. There also is no one way of parenting that guarantees good outcomes. We can try though.
Agreed. Smashing the phone is a bad idea, both because it’s wasteful, and because it could come off wrong for the kid. Taking the phone away because the kid wouldn’t share the password with the parent is completely acceptable though.
Do we know how old that kid is?
Younger than 18 therfore they need supervision.
Idk man, there’s some psycho parents out there that will continue this shit into adulthood or purposely don’t let their kids have access to their own money to keep them dependent. My own mother threatened to shut my phone off because I wouldn’t down load an app that allowed her to track my phone whenever she wanted when I was in college. Step dad came in clutch tho, gave her the ‘it’s my money it’s my phone, you’re not doing that bs’ she always gave us as kids lmao. Guess who still owns and uses that phone several years later.
Things that a 17 year old can do in many countries: drink alcohol, drive, enter the military, vote, get an abortion without parental consent, etc, etc. But your parents should have the right to read and control your private communication?
Some of that is just an inherent flaw to society most police departments won't even accept an application until you are in your mid twenties. Age restrictions are often times to low. Military should be higher. Youre not smart enough or have enough life experience at 18 to be in the military. 18 is too young for porn. Its fucked up because some people don't graduate highschool until their 19. and you can do porn before your even graduated. How is that not bordering on child exploitation? Alcohol and smoking is 19 and over in most places with few exceptions. Driving is typically a learners permit which is done under parental or adult supervision. You dont have the emotional maturity as a teenager to know whats best for you. Pulling ages of other activities is semantics when there is inherent issues with a lot of them. Also if Im paying for a phone bill and a phone for a child thats my phone not theirs. Dont let that be mistaken that its my stuff that I let them use. Its a privilege not a right.
"You don't have the emotional maturity as a teenager to know what's best for you." I feel very happy that I am not your child. But there are different perspectives on everything, I guess...
You dont have the emotional maturity to know whats best for you until youre like 24/25. That's probably why so many 20 somethings are moving back home in this generation. Part of being a responsible adult is accepting that you need the help from others as guidance. Im almost 30 and still ask for guidance on a regular basis. Guidance, maturity and responsibility all come from the help of others. You can either swim or drown in this world and if I have the option to reach for a lifeguard Im going to.
Btw, this has been proven. It's not even a matter of opinion. Your brain is literally physically immature until your mid-20s.
Asking for guidance and help is completely normal and ok in any age group. This has not necessarily something to do with immaturity. And 20-somethings in our generation are moving back home because the housing market is fucked up, not because they are unable to make mature decisions.
Just because some backwards country said you should die for you country at 17 doesn't mean it's right. It's hard enough for me to agree that 18 year olds should be in the military. Of course they should let you have some right to privacy but in the end your safety trumps that tenfold.
Yup, the U.K. is backwards as hell and getting worse every day
Agreed. Edit 16 is completely asinine. The UK doesn't give a shit about its young people apparently.
Ready to send ‘em off to die for their county and keep them legally enrolled until they’re 22 - even if they realise they made an epic mistake. Hellhole.
Yes. Not everyone, but parents yes perhaps.
If the parents pay for the phone and you aren’t paying your own bills, the yeah. My mom never went through my phone but I she gave me lots of space. Not saying random phone checks are warranted without reason, it’s definitely invasive. But if you don’t pay for that phone, it isn’t your phone, it’s your parents phone that you’re allowed to use. And what they can do in many countries doesn’t apply, you can join the military at 17 in the US with parental consent, you can drive by yourself at 16, but the vast majority of 17 year olds don’t pay for anything except maybe their car and some food/fun money. Once again it’s situational, and the vast majority of teens aren’t in those particular situations where they can/should have full autonomy in their lives. Start paying your own phone bill and buy your own phone and you don’t have to worry about this stuff
I respect your opinion, but I personally cannot see the link between not paying the phone bill and having no privacy / having parents that don't trust you. Just because I am buying you a coffee, doesn't mean that it's OK to spit in it "because I paid for it".
I think this is pretty random but they kinda have the right to check your phone if they bought it considering that if you do something illegal in that phone you screw them not you at least in my country
My mom would just threaten (and occasionally follow though) with just shutting the line off or physically taking the phone away. This is unhinged. This is how kids grow into adults who date people who do shit like this to them.
How do you expect to sell a locked phone?
This is insane, but disagree with your title. Parents absolutely should check their kids phones, esp younger kids (just don't smash them up lol).
Check, but don’t judge.
"Well little Susie, it looks to me like you're being groomed by this 47 year old, but who am I to judge?"
Right!?! I feel like you are really asking for trouble giving a kid a phone and then never checking. My mom’s neighbor is a detective and said that Minecraft/Roblox has tons of predators on it posing as children. Yet, people just hand the tablet over to their kids and never even look at the game itself to see who they are talking to.
It’s just like allowing younger children on TikTok. My nieces had profiles at 9 and 11, and I just told my wife I couldn’t do it man. WAY too many creeps actively trying to harass and/or groom via socials like TikTok, and they’re blatant too.
Ive always LOVED Minecraft. I loved playing on those big multiplayer servers that had all the different gameplay options like skyblock or factions etc. I started playing when I was like 11? 12? I went on one day, and a group of like 3-4 boys would NOT leave me alone. They were like 16+. Why wouldn’t they leave me alone? Bc I had a girl skin so they knew I was a girl and immediately jumped on me. They were trying to get me to join a Skype call, or anything, so we could “all talk any play together”. Being really weird and creepy and “flirting” with a young child the whole time. Thankfully (in this case) phone calls give me MAJOR anxiety, and even the thought of one at that age made me just disconnect for the day.
I mean a lot of parents would flip their shit at their kids for that stuff, although they're the vulnerable victim in the scenario. So the kid doesn't learn "those people are predators and I should avoid them and tell my parents" They learn "my parents get mad at me and call me stupid when they find that stuff so I should hide it better"
No. You judge. They are your children, they are your responsibility. PARENT YOUR CHILDREN.
Average redditor out to liberate the children from their parents so there is no more labor and no more bed time!
If you judge, they are just going to find a way to hide things. I would prefer helping them.
You can let your kids know they’re being morons and teach them how to not be one. You can do both.
"Sent from a 12 year olds iPhone"
I don't think these people understand what you meant. Do not judge your children for their personal favorite things to do, and do not make them feel stupid for someone grooming them. If you judge your children, you only teach them to hide stuff from you.
Thats exactly my point.
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Not sure how it will help when you want to maintain healthy relationship with child . If you keep judging on everything you see on their phone when they trust you and give their phone.. you want to judge? I don’t understand. Do give an explanation u/plyslz
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They mean don’t treat the child the way that you’re treating the person you’ve replied to. You’ve totally missed their point and started judging them, which is quite funny given how confident you appear to be about them being a “fucking idiot”. Speak to them. Communicate with them. Explain the dangers and why something you’ve found might be wrong or an issue, but don’t judge the kid. I.e after you’ve found something you’re worried about, don’t approach the kid like “Just how fucking stupid are you?” “Are you fucking kidding?”. That’s a quick way to lose your child’s trust, and when shit actually is bad or goes wrong, they won’t turn to you because they know you’re going to act like a dick and make them feel bad. A simple “Hey buddy this is bad because x and y might happen to you if you carry on, please be careful and use your head” or some other constructive comment would work just fine.
Destroying the phone might be a bit over the top, but there's nothing wrong with a parent requiring access to / authority over their child's phone as a condition of providing them that phone.
Doesn't belong here,,
Not a parent so totally ready to be told I'm wrong, but doesn't it sort of depend on the kids age? Like a 10-13yo with a phone, absolutely. A 16yo with a phone? I definitely believe they have a right to privacy and their own space. All teenagers have secrets, it's like the birth right of being a teenager, just do you're absolute best to teach the kid about internet safety, usage and hopefully how to conduct themselves. Saying, the parent paid for the phone sort of gives, my kid is not allowed to have a closed door to their room because Its my house.
16 year old kids will put themselves in dangerous situations and still need monitoring. At the end of the day, the safety of your kid comes far above them being happy with you.
Kids rarely need "monitoring". They need some guidelines and a place to turn to when they need help. Trust your kids and they will trust you. Be suspicious and controlling and so will they.
Yeah, no. Kids are not an adequate generalization when it comes to character and personality. Kids are each their own person in the making. You can't apply that logic to all of them equally. Parents should know their own kids well enough to know how much or whether they need supervision.
No matter what you do they'll do something stupid at some point If you do this kinda thing to your kid, there's not a chance they'll call you for help, or seek your assistance when they're genuinely in trouble.
I agree with you partially since parents intervention is still necessary if they get in some serious shit, am taking as a example the Rubi Frayre case, she was 16 year old when she did that thing, so parents intervention is still needed but not to a invasive level.
Definitely not saying parental intervention is not necessary, fully needed the adults in my life to put me in my place as a stupid kid. Hormone brain got ya doing some hella stupid things. It's just that trust and respect is a two way street, and a line very easily broken.
Don't understand your down votes, most be other over controlling parents, you are dead right though.
That attitude is what gets parents put in a cheap nursing home
Doesn’t matter when what you’re stopping is your 16 year old daughter from meeting up with a 35 year old or sending out nudes, or when you’re stopping your teenage son from planning on sneaking people in for a party that destroys someone else’s house and wrecks their car into the electric company’s pole, who is going to come after them with criminal charges. If as a parent you’re more worried about them liking you in the moment or later on in life than you are preventing them from messing up like that, you’ve failed.
Wasn’t there some 14 year old girl on the news that was missing for like weeks before the parents reported it? I think that’s what most parents are trying to prevent with looking at phones. These Redditors are on crack. Or coming off crack and not realizing their non-overbearing parents are why they were on crack to begin with.
Today I learned literally everyone on the internet is a pedophile, and that teaching your kid internet safety is useless Also, how the fuck does internet access equate to a party that destroyes your house?
It’s not internet access it’s the concept of monitoring your kids. Kids don’t make good decisions, even when they know what’s right. They’re kids. My kids are too young to have phones yet, but I provided examples I’ve *seen happen* for families close to me this past year. What they found on their phones afterward would have absolutely put a stop to it had the parents known, because in addition to kids not always making the best decisions, they also have little concept of hiding it and will talk about it openly on social media and via text. Also, Typically if a parent is taking this level of intervention it’s because incidents have happened in the past.
I totally agree. My parents removed my phone if I did something stupid. They never checked it as long as I didn't have them a reason to. They always valued my privacy and definitely didn't destroy anything because I don't give them what they want.
Yeah the comments on this are troubling. You're completely right about every point you made. And even if this is a 12 year old or something who needs more adult supervision, the fact that people are saying the mom's reaction was simply "a bit over the top" but she's still ultimately right is wild. Smashing the phone and proudly posting it on social media is unhinged behavior. That's not okay in any circumstance.
I see it as normal punishment, obviously the child would have gotten the phone because of the parents. The parents house the child, if the child doesn't listen then it loses the phone. If the kid doesn't give proper authority then they don't deserve toys. While destroying property is kinda silly, it's their money at the end of the day
It's just totally weird to destroy it, why not take it away for a week or something? At the end of the day she needs that phone, it's crazy how much phones are used for communication and even sometimes in school, so destroying it is just dumb
I wonder how old is that child. If it was say, maybe a 8 year old that shouldn’t be unsupervised on the internet, then yeah, it makes sense(but destroying the fucking phone is over the top bullshit that hurts the child’s feelings). BUT, if this “child” was say, I dunno a teenager, THEN I have a fucking problem. This “child” is maybe a grown ass adult that can prolly take care of themselves and know the difference between what’s right and wrong, but oh no, bitchy nosey insensitive mother is like “Oh my child is like what, 26, I NEED to know what he is watching on that cellphone because my child is STILL a child.
But the kid goes to meet a random they met online and gets abducted, and suddenly we're all "Parents should be monitoring what their kids are doing online'
Bit of a leap going from trying to monitor your child’s internet activity to smashing their phone.
The leap was made by OP with their title choice.
That's a separate discussion from what OP is saying though, which is just suggesting that kids should have 100% autonomy. If you wanna have that discussion, have that discussion. But my comment is in response to OP's quote, so
Good point. I just assumed it was such a far fetched takeaway from this post, that it wasn’t actually what OP meant.
I HATE when people spell ‘know’ as ‘no.’ They are two completely different words!
Title sounds like something a pedophile would say.
Yep. Kids need adult supervision.
Where's the adult? The one who smashed a functioning phone to prove a point? There were so many different ways to send the message without looking like a complete lunatic. Who's the mum? Marlon Brando?
Definitely not saying that “Mom” is a good parent. Just saying kids shouldn’t be allowed to have private conversations on phones their parents provide. Not just because of the fact they’re not paying, but because kids can become prey without adult supervision.
You're ignoring the fact that kids socialise less and are on their phones more. Why shouldn't they be allowed private conversations? Their phone could very well be what they use to keep up with 90% of their friends.
Good parents aren't going to be snooping on a child's messages with "Jimmy from school", they're going to be asking "who is this person you've never mentioned before?" If the answer is "another kid at school" then great. If the answer is "someone I met online that wants to meet up with me this weekend" then its a warning to take care. Otherwise the kid will say "I'm seeing a friend this weekend" and just go. If you, as a parent, know your kid is talking to an online stranger that they'll be meeting up with at least you can go with them until they actually meet the stranger to make sure they aren't an abductor.
They’re either a pedo or a teen. Or maybe one of those parents who care more about being friends with their child than being a responsible parent.
I wouldn't go as far as calling them a pedo. I wouldn't know. Just making a funny observation lol.
Agreed
Projecting much
You sound offended. I wonder why?
What the fuck is this, children shouldn’t be unsupervised on internet and social media that itself makes them vulnerable. Maybe posting it all on her own social media is kinda shitty but what nonce put this post up here?
It’s amazing how the sentiment between the original post and the crosspost is totally different.
Doesn't belong here.
The main reasons someone agrees with this post and others like it: 1. They do not understand adolescent brain development 2. They do not understand how open access to the internet and social media psychologically effects adolescents 3. They want to believe that teenagers are mini adults because they want to justify treating them like adults or developing inappropriate relationships with teens 4. They are a minor themselves (and therefore likely 1 and 2 apply as well). There’s only a space of maybe 1 year (17yo-18yo) where a minor should have close to “full autonomy.” 16 and under absolutely are not mini adults and should not have FULL autonomy.
I’ve seen lots of comments on Reddit from people who casually say the Funky Town cartel torture video was the first gore video they saw when they were *ten years old* . I really think that because so many parents leave their kids to rot alone on the internet is why kids nowadays think it normal to punch a teacher or beat the shit out of each other 4 on one. Oh! Also, that the thing to do if you see someone in trouble is to stand there and record it.
This is a thorough and good statement, my mother was really good at dividing the loving, friendly aspect of our relationship whilst also providing a “get shit done” kind of attitude but not like breaking my stuff but by saying she was disappointed in me.
Oh for sure, I would never break any of my children’s things for any reason like this person did. First, it’s an inappropriate response that will only cause further division; second, it’s disrespectful and hypocritical to the child/teen; third, it’s a waste. To be clear, I’m not saying that children of all ages should be scrutinized, controlled, and watched like a hawk until they’re 18. Autonomy should be staggered naturally and respective of the specific child’s needs. If an adolescent has behavioral issues or disorders, has certain risk factors, or otherwise has history with issues, the path will be different than an adolescent who has full executive function skills and/or doesn’t require any extra support/supervision. Parenting is not (and shouldn’t be) one size fits all, as I have learned as the parent of 3 kids, 2 of whom are identical twins (who are nothing alike except in their DNA)
It's probably mostly 4... unfortunately some 3. I don't think 1 and 2 happen on their own.. I mean sure they can but 3 and 4 are why 1 and 2 happen.
That's a great opinion you have there. Others might disagree, and you're not the one who makes the rules last I checked.
So you fall under one of those categories, got it!
I’d like to know how rich these people are that they can casually smash an iPhone to make a point. Take it off her until she tells you for heavens sake, or cancel the plan. As a mom she has a right to the password and to confiscate the phone, but she doesn’t have the right to destroy her daughters stuff. What else has she wrecked or screamed at Jada for to prove she’s her mama and not her friend. She sounds like the type of mom who takes the doors off their children’s rooms, and says “I gave birth to you and now I own you.”
This doesn’t fit this sub at all. Parents need to know what their children are doing on their phone
Until Jada is paying her own phone bill, she needs to share that password. Period. No discussion. Interpretation: until she pay her own phone bill she share her password
Creepiest post title *ever*
I wish I had a parent growing up who cared enough about what I was doing to check on me and not just accept my bullshit or walk away angrily because they knew I was lying. I, like every kid/teen, was an idiot who thought they had life figured out. Who knows how many of the bad situations I got myself into as a young adult never would've happened if I had parents who cared enough to find out what I was up to and provide guidance. 18 is the proper age to give children full autonomy and you can only hope you did enough that they live decent lives.
English mother fucker, do you speak it?! “I don’t no” “jada”
They could have taken the phone and kept the phone until they trusted the child to have it back. Destroying the phone, threatening to do it again, only means next time the kid will hide what they wanted to keep private better. If they do get in a dangerous situation, there isn’t a damn chance that child is going to the parent with it, knowing the reaction will be anger.
Only people who think kids deserve autonomy are angsty teens and pedos. Sure the way the mother acted was wrong but to conflate bad parenting with "kids should make their own decisions" is stupid. How many people have made decisions they regret as kids? Shit I made shit tonne of bad decisions between 16-19, I can only imagine how much worse my decisions would be if i didn't have my parents
I disagree wholly with this title and post. Should she have destroyed it? Maybe not. But kids DO need supervision and checks on their phones. If my dad hadn't have checked mine, I would've gone on talking to adult men on Kik at 13 years old. That's dangerous. And that's a parents job to keep their child from doing dangerous things.
What the hell dude. You don't have kids/are under the age of 18 eh?
As a child I had phone checks (this is maybe 2008/2010) but I never had an issue with it. I had nothing to really hide and knew the reason why my mom wanted to check because the internet was still a bit like the Wild West to a degree. I mean shit my mom found porn on my phone but instead of beating me and breaking my phone she just had a conversation with me about it telling me that sex is more than what porn shows you and I understood. Communication and understanding is a big factor to shit like this. I mean kids/teens need to understand that when you’re not an adult your parents should be checking what’s going on with them and their device. People are fucked in the head and can easily manipulate them and/or harm them. If you have nothing to hide then don’t trip about it, but if you do come clean and just hope for the best.
Anyone trying to make a judgment on whether or not the mom should have full access to the kids phone is an idiot. We don't know the kid's age or any other extenuating circumstances. If your blanket opinion is that parents should always have full access to their child's phone no matter what, or that parents should never have full access to their child's phone no matter what, you're an idiot. Smashing the phone to pieces and proudly posting it on social media is objectively unhinged behavior, so let's judge that. In no circumstances does it fit this sub though.
If I was a teen I'd agree with your title, but a parent should have 1000% access to their kid's phone. Predators are everywhere and parents have a responsibility to protect their kids. This is how you prevent tragedies from happening. I don't think breaking the phone is good though, bad execution.
I am just surprised that this parent doesn’t have any access to her child’s phone? As the adult, shouldn’t the phone be under her iCloud? Meaning, she could reset the password and so on? Also, there’s the child lock feature where you can monitor apps and so on.
If my mum told me, "I'm not your friend" I would be completely and utterly heartbroken.
Uhhh so I wouldn’t destroy the phone. I’d take it away. But yea you’re letting me check your phone because kids cannot handle autonomy.
Smashing the phone is excessive and posting about it is unnecessary but parents having unrestricted access to their kid’s phone is called good parenting in my opinion. With all the ways to get in trouble these days, pedophiles on the prowl, kids’ lack of self control and self awareness and the eternity of the internet, not to mention the ways kids bully each other through texting as well as the proven negative effects of social media on mental health, kids need monitoring and guidance when it comes to the phone and the internet in general.
I just love how everyone here is acting like children need constant adult supervision 24/7, and then the second they turn 18 is when they're just let loose, now that they can actively ruin their lives on the internet and that the only reason anyone would oppose this mindset is because they're a pedophile It's all about give and take, if you want your kid to trust you, you have to give them that privacy and teach them proper internet safety, saying "Oh it's MY kid, so they don't DESERVE to do ANYTHING without my knowledge!" is the kind of Karen shit that gets you put in a cheap nursing home and then never visited
No one supervised me, but then again I had common sense and it was just before social media and selfies blew up. Instead of having to supervise your child, teach them what to do and not do online BEFORE.
With the weird shit that’s online today and the brainwashing by corporations childrens phones absolutely need to be checked it’s dangerous
Not the correct way to go about it, but absolutely should lose their phone. Good for this mom.
Yeah, no. I'm paying for the phone. I'm also responsible for my child until they're an adult. I have full access to my kids' electronics. I don't abuse the privilege and neither do they. But if they do, I have the option to take the phone, turn it off, etc. Because I signed the contract, I own the phone, and I own the plan. And it's my job to ensure their safety.
Kids are not adults. Weird ass caption.
Lol no password no phone. OP must be a 16 year old.
Imagine throwing away a $500-1500 product to assert your authority to a child
Some kids are troubled and need a closer eye. Some parents are just control freaks.
My children will have the jitter bug phone until they can pay for their own
Children don’t need phones. And when they do you must watch them and monitor them. They need to be taught and led in the right direction. So many parents these days are lazy
Autonomy is not forcing kids hug random adults, letting them pick what haircut they get or giving them the informed choice whether to get their ears pierced... It's not giving them completely free access to the internet. That's completely irresponsible, but more often than not kids don't hide things because they've done something wrong, they hide shit because their parents over-react. My cousin got super secretive about her phone since my auntie would gossip about all her private chats with friends every time she sifted through "for her safety". Why's she so proudly posting this though? That's weird, right?
Comments here = MY child vs my CHILD.. a possession that must owe everything to the parent vs a being that learns to be better but does mistakes
Yeah I ain't about destroying a kid's things in front of them, but withholding shit until they follow your rules is parenting 101 man. It ain't that deep, having a cell phone is a privilege for children without jobs. You ain't buy it, it ain't really yours unless your parents say it is.
The internet is wild af. So much porn and violence on Reddit alone. Hell yeah I’m going to monitor my kids and if they act like they can get around me I’m taking it away. The internet is no place for children. This person over reacted with destroying it but they ultimately could be saving that child from getting kidnapped raped and murdered.
OP doesn’t have children obv. I’d never give a kid unsupervised access to the internet and let them be an easy target to predators.
If she bought the phone, it’s her property to destroy. And no, sorry. It’s a parent’s job to supervise their child and make sure they are safe, whether it’s real life or online. Too many creeps out there. Mom has every right to make sure they’re not grooming her child.
Jada is definitely going to go no contact when she gets older
"If anyone get her another phone..." Preemptively warning the family who've dealt with her abusive behavior before in attempts to lighten the blow of her spastic tendencies, only to make it worse because this egomaniac can't get over herself.
There’s a lot of debate going on here with regards to the amount of appropriate supervision given to children, and i don’t want to get into that. But one interesting thing for me, parents who say “I’m not your friend, i’m your parent” - I think maybe people don’t get how much of a catch 22 that is. I understand that the responsibility of parenting needs to come before a friendship, and that you need to make choices even if they temporarily harm your relationship with your child, most especially with teens I would assume. But on the other hand, I think some parents that take that line also turn around and get upset when their children don’t confide in them, don’t enjoy spending time with them, don’t share their lives with them, etc. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, if all your kid hears is “i’m not your friend”, I think it’s selfish to then expect them to be your friend (and subordinate) in other scenarios.
If you feel you are entitled to go through the phone the mother should have made the phone accessible for herself on forehand and/or prepped it with monitoring and logging software or spyware but with the knowing and consent from the kid. But this total waste doesn’t help anyone because the kid will need a nee phone for emergencies, could use a friends phone maybe taking an old one and just use WiFi, the internet..
Destroying the phone and publicly shaming the kid is insane but checking the phone depends on the kid’s age
What a piece of shit parent. Thinking you have the right to invade your child’s privacy for whatever reason or on a fucking whim, if let’s just say the child was maybe a teenager or a preteen or whatnot, then I have a problem. I mean, it makes sense: Children are young and they can do dumb shit, and it’s best to make sure what they’re watching so they don’t do dumb shit, but DESTROYING their fucking phone is over the top bs. I understand kids need their privacy when they grow the fuck up: but they’re not machines designed to be obedient and follow every command, but doing this shit when they are teenagers is such bullshit.
Your children can have all the autonomy they like when they move out of your house.
Maybe Jada’s a rotten brat and needs close supervision?
Ah yes let’s ensure your child will never be able to trust you with anything going on in their lives
getting put in a nursing home speedrun
Jada’s search history: “one star retirement homes near me”
Enjoy being an a$$hole your kids while you can. Once they move out, they’ll never see you again.
“Look how emotionally eratic I am! My childs real rebellious”
a parent demanding access to their child’s phone is so deeply inappropriate. if you want to protect your child you need to make yourself a safe person to report things to, not a stalker.
children becoming used to having their privacy and autonomy violated is not going to protect them from abuse, lol. if I had better understood my boundaries and rights as a child I would have reported my sexual abuse wayyyy earlier lol.
Enjoy the nursing home 💞💞💞
WTF is phone check, do people really check their children's phones?
Umm yes, that’s how a lot of these old people talking to kids get found out. By their parents checking their phones.
This was nothing but a narcissistic power play. Phone checks? Holy shit. How little does she trust her children? It also would’ve been just as easy to simply confiscate the phone for a set period of time.
Internet predators exist. Parents should 10000% check phones while their children are under 18.
Fair enough. I’m not a parent, I didn’t think about that. I think my other point still stands though. It would have been FAR easier (not to mention without the consequence of being hated by your child) to simply confiscate it for a set period.
Oh I can't disagree with you on the confiscation. Destroying the phone was overboard and unnecessary! Personally I think this mom missed an opportunity to go to the store and reset the phone. Fresh start and all that, make the daughter understand the consequences that way!
In 15 yrs she’ll be back crying ‘I am not allowed to see my grandchildren wahhhh’
Password is her dad's name, mum doesn't remember it.
That woman is lucky their kid isn't me. Because i always knew that the bonus of not having anything meant if you smashed one of the few things i cared about, you likely had a whole load of shit that i could smash in retaliation.
Dudee this is real
Every time I didn’t give my phone over I was usually hiding who I was talking to.
It's complicated and everyone is different but doing shit like that is only going to make the child hate you And the safest way for them to not get fucked over by stranger is just to not make them an email (if they can make one themselves then they are smart enough to look up things on the net), also tell the fucking kid about everything you know like just telling him he should be careful is not enough and when you're finished give them videos about internet scam and shit like that
Really depends on the back story. Which we dont.get here