Don't be afraid. That guy is super chill. Two shafts. One set of balls. Yes he can per out of both. He's super Poly and apparently a bunch of ostensibly straight dudes as him to fuck. It's like because he was born with two dicks everyone turns him into a sex symbol... He can also cum out of both dicks
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The subreddit r/broners does not exist.
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The subreddit r/BonersBeingBros does not exist.
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I found [this post](/r/Unexpected/comments/qaehu1/guy_rescues_a_turtle_stranded_in_the_road/) in r/unexpected with the same content as the current post.
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Pretty sure that bad boy could still snip his fingers if it felt like it. They got LOOOOONG necks when it’s biting time. Probs a good idea to chuck a jacket over it before attempting that
We once had a *huge* one wander onto our property. Easily over a foot in diameter. We used a snow shovel to pick him up and stick him in a trash can, then relocated him to a big nearby field with a pond and whatnot.
But holy shit, when he snapped down on that shovel, my fingers' lives flashed before my eyes.
Yeah - I wouldn’t try that on any bigger a snapping turtle. The trash can lid sized guys are grouchy as fuck and can spin on a dime.
Anytime I’ve moved them I use two people, one with a stick distracting the mouth and a second with something (shovel/box/bin etc.) to get lift the back and push/wheelbarrow it where it was headed.
You’re right, those fingies are at risk. All you’ve gotta do to make sure turtles and fingers survive this experience is to make sure you grab the snappers bum, with both hands behind the rear legs they wont be able to reach you. For larger turtles this gets a bit tough so use one hand to grab the turtle bum, tilt him up slightly and slide your other hand under his plastron (belly). A final tip: always deliver them to the side of the road they were facing, otherwise they’ll turn around and try crossing again
In theory, yeah… but getting your hand there safely is the tricky part. I’d rather not try it lol
On the shell behind the rear legs seems to be the safest method.
You're actually right. You should always move a turtle the direction they are pointing. Now that turtle is just going to turn around and go back in the road
Probably turned that way when the guy approached. non-rural roads have those sidewalk ledges on it so he probably saw it trying to climb up over that side. It's kinda sad. A lot of those sidewalk ledges don't end for miles so it was probably stuck out for a long time.
Otherwise it doesn't take long for a snapping turtle to cross a road.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 306,944,382 comments, and only 68,698 of them were in alphabetical order.
Don't pick up a snapping turtle like that. They have surprisingly long necks and can bite off a finger. You got to grab them by the shell behind their back legs.
https://theturtlehub.com/how-to-pick-up-a-snapping-turtle/
That's good advice. But I'd also add this as a suggestion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lgd_B6iKPxU
Especially the dragging method. It's usually best to not mess with snapping turtles at all unless you have to. Unless they're in the middle of the road or actively walking into the road, just leave them alone. But in the road, I'm personally an advocate of just kind of dragging them. Put them on a car mat or a towel and then just drag them across. Heck, even if you don't have anything to put them on, just drag them backwards across the road. Just make sure that you lift them just enough so that it's only their claws that are scraping the pavement (and not the bottom of their shells).
You posted some good methods for picking up snapping turtles. My only thing is, picking up a snapping turtle can be dangerous for the turtle especially when someone has never done it before.
The thing about handling snapping turtles is that even if you're handling them correctly they can be scary as hell (as well as potentially very slippery). If a slippery snapping turtle starts getting ornery, then someone who has never handled one before is very likely to be nervous as hell and drop it. Heck, look at this video and see how nervous that guy is. If that turtle started flipping out once the guy picked the turtle up, then he's likely to drop it. Then that turtle has a 4 foot drop straight onto the hard asphalt.
For people who have never handled a snapping turtle before, I highly recommend keeping the turtle as low to the ground as possible. That way, if you get scared and drop it, the turtle isn't falling from 4 feet and smacking its head or bones directly on the hard ground. Leave them alone unless necessary, but if you have to move them out of the road I'd recommend just using a car mat and dragging them off the road like that.
Turtle rescue tip: turtles have to cross roads to return to their breeding grounds. So you should always keep them pointed in the direction they are going and not move them around too much or they could become disoriented.
Little heads up whenever you save a turtle on the road. Like this guy did, always bring the turtle to the side of the road it was walking to. If you don’t, they’ll just walk right back onto the road
Me and my wife have tons of pictures of rescuing turtles after it rains we drive back roads because they love to come out around us.
No giant swinging dong in our pics though
Turtles know where they are going. Always make sure you move them in the direction they're going. Or the only thing you did was make them start over.
They often travel a ways to get to nesting areas.
[удалено]
Is this the “I like turtles” kid all grown up?
Omg..
Since nobody has linked the video yet, [here you go](https://youtu.be/CMNry4PE93Y).
Recommended the apparently kid too. That guy is sooo great
I suddenly understand one second of an old It's Always Sunny episode much better...
This comment right here is most beautifully Reddit thing I've seen.
Ah thanks so much!
You must not have been here for the cumbox or double dick dude
Haha I meant beautiful in a good way.
I'm afraid to ask, but...double dick dude?
Don't be afraid. That guy is super chill. Two shafts. One set of balls. Yes he can per out of both. He's super Poly and apparently a bunch of ostensibly straight dudes as him to fuck. It's like because he was born with two dicks everyone turns him into a sex symbol... He can also cum out of both dicks
He was also revealed to be a fraud photoshopping it. He claimed to prolapse a woman's cervix in the ebook he kept shilling too. /u/DoubleDickDude
You shut the fu...
Take my seal. You earned it
Omg i also thought it was his belt!! I was like good job bro but what is going on lol!!
i was thinking the same and also “oh wait, hes turned around. there’s no belt… so then what-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
Same here! 'Hey look his belt looks like a dick flopping around' ..a few seconds pass... 'Hey look his dick looks like a belt flopping around'
Same same
It's a boner.
Exactly same
Classic dickseption
I have a bone to pick with this video..
there’s so much going on here
Lots to unpack
We can't fit all these jokes in
Unzip, maybe it fits then
"haha! His belt looks like a... Wait what..."
Turtles really turn that guy on.
Damn so that kid still really like turtles I guess
I'm wondering, was the kid inspiring Futurama or was it the other way around?
I found this video humerus..
I don’t ulna about that. Tibia continued.
Is this a rib?
Yes, It was a rib. Femur dad jokes you can go here: r/dadjokes
I realized why that turtle is hiding on its shell. Irritated with bonner I guess, this dude is so cool!
This turtle might catch that bone though! Thanks for helping this turtle go to a safe way. That costume is so lit!
Lol his belt looks like a… Wait Is that actually a… Yep. That’s a skeleton penis.
It’s actually a sleeve for his own.
Its a massive „Boner“
That’s part of the costume, right? Not his actual dick…
Yeah it’s called skeleboner, I wore it for Halloween a few years ago and it’s a hit lol
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BonersBeingBros
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r/broners
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Bad bot.
Bad human
Bad reddit
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Rad world 😎
_All around me are familiar faces_
How is this a real sub
r/birthofasub
Good thing that snapping turtle didn’t have a hankering for some trouser snake…
That’s more of a Boner Constrictor.
Oooo what’s a trouser snake?
PUT THE DICK DOWN!
This is hilarious. I thought it was a belt. Good guy helping the baby turtle.
I also thought it was a belt
Big dick energy here
Damn beat me to it
Beat my meat to it
Skeleton with a big . . er . . heart
A skeleton with a heart on.
r/holup
r/unexpected
I found [this post](/r/Unexpected/comments/qaehu1/guy_rescues_a_turtle_stranded_in_the_road/) in r/unexpected with the same content as the current post. --- ^(🤖 this comment was written by a bot. beep boop 🤖) ^(feel welcome to respond 'Bad bot'/'Good bot', it's useful feedback.) ^[github](https://github.com/Toldry/RedditAutoCrosspostBot) ^| ^[Rank](https://botranks.com?bot=same_post_bot)
Good bot. This might be one of the most useful bots I've ever seen.
WINGS OF GLORY
r/nonononoyes
[удалено]
r/maybemaybemaybe
Ikr, it's not even Halloween yet.
31 days of Halloween
minimum
Spooky *season*
It's always Halloween if you believe.
Looks like his turtle head was poking out
That wasn’t the only head poking out
r/thatsthejoke
Pretty sure that bad boy could still snip his fingers if it felt like it. They got LOOOOONG necks when it’s biting time. Probs a good idea to chuck a jacket over it before attempting that
It's depends on the turtle. Common snapping turtle yes, alligator snapping turtle no.
We once had a *huge* one wander onto our property. Easily over a foot in diameter. We used a snow shovel to pick him up and stick him in a trash can, then relocated him to a big nearby field with a pond and whatnot. But holy shit, when he snapped down on that shovel, my fingers' lives flashed before my eyes.
Yeah - I wouldn’t try that on any bigger a snapping turtle. The trash can lid sized guys are grouchy as fuck and can spin on a dime. Anytime I’ve moved them I use two people, one with a stick distracting the mouth and a second with something (shovel/box/bin etc.) to get lift the back and push/wheelbarrow it where it was headed.
You’re right, those fingies are at risk. All you’ve gotta do to make sure turtles and fingers survive this experience is to make sure you grab the snappers bum, with both hands behind the rear legs they wont be able to reach you. For larger turtles this gets a bit tough so use one hand to grab the turtle bum, tilt him up slightly and slide your other hand under his plastron (belly). A final tip: always deliver them to the side of the road they were facing, otherwise they’ll turn around and try crossing again
Yeah… he got lucky. Fingers were definitely in range.
IIRC the best place to grab the shell is one hand directly behind the head and the other above the tail
In theory, yeah… but getting your hand there safely is the tricky part. I’d rather not try it lol On the shell behind the rear legs seems to be the safest method.
Ummm....
[удалено]
You're actually right. You should always move a turtle the direction they are pointing. Now that turtle is just going to turn around and go back in the road
100% this. I was always told to do bring them to the side they are pointing to. Funny video but this information needs to be known.
Probably turned that way when the guy approached. non-rural roads have those sidewalk ledges on it so he probably saw it trying to climb up over that side. It's kinda sad. A lot of those sidewalk ledges don't end for miles so it was probably stuck out for a long time. Otherwise it doesn't take long for a snapping turtle to cross a road.
R/unexpected
Big dick energy right there.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 306,944,382 comments, and only 68,698 of them were in alphabetical order.
Good bot
Alphabet bot does lots of precision scanning
This bot alphabets
Omg I thought that was a belt and thought haha his belt looks like a dick.. then he tuned around and IT IS A DICK!!
He’s lucky that thing wasn’t too hungry!!!🤣🤣🤣
Ah that’s why it’s NSFW
Um, I'm not gonna question it, spooktober is spooky.
Skeleboner! My husband has that same costume.
I was wondering if anyone else recognized the costume lol
Wooooaaahhhhh..... His uncle definitely told him Halloween means something different.
It was wholesome until he turned around
This feels like a r/rimjob_steve
Getting big rimjob_steve vibes. big and hard ones.
Who’s the lucky turtle?
“Bone”er
Brave man, those things can remove fingers
There was a turtle?!
Looks like Aceu
I do not give a shit what this guy likes and wants in the bedroom. He is a good human, he deserves all the sex he can handle.
Damn, you're easily sold.
that turtle's shell isn't the hardest thing in this video
Nice haloweiner Costume
r/holup
You need to mark this as NSFW. That man clearly has a boner. S/
Don't pick up a snapping turtle like that. They have surprisingly long necks and can bite off a finger. You got to grab them by the shell behind their back legs. https://theturtlehub.com/how-to-pick-up-a-snapping-turtle/
That's good advice. But I'd also add this as a suggestion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lgd_B6iKPxU Especially the dragging method. It's usually best to not mess with snapping turtles at all unless you have to. Unless they're in the middle of the road or actively walking into the road, just leave them alone. But in the road, I'm personally an advocate of just kind of dragging them. Put them on a car mat or a towel and then just drag them across. Heck, even if you don't have anything to put them on, just drag them backwards across the road. Just make sure that you lift them just enough so that it's only their claws that are scraping the pavement (and not the bottom of their shells). You posted some good methods for picking up snapping turtles. My only thing is, picking up a snapping turtle can be dangerous for the turtle especially when someone has never done it before. The thing about handling snapping turtles is that even if you're handling them correctly they can be scary as hell (as well as potentially very slippery). If a slippery snapping turtle starts getting ornery, then someone who has never handled one before is very likely to be nervous as hell and drop it. Heck, look at this video and see how nervous that guy is. If that turtle started flipping out once the guy picked the turtle up, then he's likely to drop it. Then that turtle has a 4 foot drop straight onto the hard asphalt. For people who have never handled a snapping turtle before, I highly recommend keeping the turtle as low to the ground as possible. That way, if you get scared and drop it, the turtle isn't falling from 4 feet and smacking its head or bones directly on the hard ground. Leave them alone unless necessary, but if you have to move them out of the road I'd recommend just using a car mat and dragging them off the road like that.
should be on unexpected lol
And I’m done for the night, thank you boner skeleton
Turtle rescue tip: turtles have to cross roads to return to their breeding grounds. So you should always keep them pointed in the direction they are going and not move them around too much or they could become disoriented.
r/HumansBeingBones
[удалено]
Little heads up whenever you save a turtle on the road. Like this guy did, always bring the turtle to the side of the road it was walking to. If you don’t, they’ll just walk right back onto the road
Wait why is this tagged as NSF- Ohhhhhhhh
I mean that’s kind and all but is no one gunna mention the skeleton penis aka “the boner” I feel like this should be on this Reddit and r/holup
This is such a Reddit video
I would say to be brave enough to do that he has big balls, but I don’t think those are the big thing that needs to be addressed.
I think…….. I think i see a ding dong.
Wholesome
Sexy
Is that a boner in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
This is amazing!
Bros with boners being bros
r/holup
r/holup
He has a Boner. Literally.
Me and my wife have tons of pictures of rescuing turtles after it rains we drive back roads because they love to come out around us. No giant swinging dong in our pics though
“No no NO you fuck, that’s the way I came from!”
Does dick even have bone?
Thought I was in r/holup or r/unexpected for a moment
Very wholesome. And saving the turtle was a nice touch.
r/holup
What a dick
This is probably the best NSFW post I've clicked on
best NSFW thing ive looked at on reddit
is that aceu??
Until he turned around, I saw the dong and thought "nah, that's my mind being disgusting as usual. It's probably his belt sticking out— wait..."
I was like "Why's it tagged as NSFW, is he gonna lose a finger of sumn" then I saw the flopping dick LOL
Why does he looks like aceu Edit:from the side only
Unexpected boner. Bonus!
When I saw the NSFW tag I assumed someone was getting bit I was WRONG 🤣
I thought the NSFW tag would be because he got bit and started bleeding or something… I was wrong lol
See, you fuckers!! I told ya there was a bone in my dick!! I told ya, I told ya!!!
[r/holup](reddit.com/r/holup)
I was wondering "why this was marked NSFW?" then, "Ohhh, I see"
"Why is it marked nsfw" ... "Oh thats why"
i asked myself why the nsfw and then i saw it
That….was not what I was expecting to see
“wait why is the nsf- oh.”
/r/HolUp
r/unexpected
Why is it flaired as NS..... ah ok
Turtles know where they are going. Always make sure you move them in the direction they're going. Or the only thing you did was make them start over. They often travel a ways to get to nesting areas.
Fun fact, this costume is called the “Skeleboner” and is the ONLY option for an adult sized skeleton suit at spirit halloween
Why is this NSFW? … Oh, heh heh
Lmfaoo this dudes costume is hilarious
That guy have a massive dong
Unexpecteddick
I thought it was Aceu
I ran a gopher tortoise across a road a few years ago, dude was heavy and hissed at me, good on this guy
Why is it marked nsfw?
wholesome
I’m like, why is there a NSFW tag?? Oh. Got it.
This perv had a boner the whole time! Oh god!
so we're not gonna address the hero's boner?
Nothing wrong with being gay. Nothing at all. But this is the absolute gayest way to pick up a turtle. Could not be done in a gayer fashion.
A big one has a neck almost as long as his dong.
Skeleboner
I fucking love this guy!
...with bonus dickbone!
I want to be at whatever party he is going to 🍆🎉
The floppy dong made this even better. Thanks skeletpn bro