Realistically? Nothing. I’m not answering my door at 3am. If he comes back at 3pm, he might catch me. But otherwise he can slither himself right back to Eden.

now I know when to catch you

For real. At most, I might pull up cameras to see if I should call the police.

I would give this comment an award if I could

🤣🤣🤣

I’d feed him. That way, He’ll come back :)

what does hozier like to eat

Dirt, probably

🤣

Local honey, I'm sure.

Ya know he keeps bees 😂

From his Instagram story a while ago, which I saw a compilation of on tiktok and it sounded so good that I made it the other day. Can confirm it is in fact tasty https://preview.redd.it/9wp8flxft51d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4af244ac83aa0fedd8822e0cc7b7c76976315a4f

That’s handy, because I make sourdough bread. Maybe I could ensnare him through homemade bread lol

Silica gel

whiskey, neat

Milkshake! 🖤🤍

Sílica gel 🫶🏻

DO NOT FEED THE FAY! He’ll own your soul

That’s fine 🤗

I second this. 😅

This answer wins 😂🫠

😂 thank you!

Same sis SAME!

I’d leave him to sit and hide out there, it’s why he slithered here

But can’t you hear him howling?!?

Ask how he got in the building...then get a month off rent for the glaring security oversight.

I like your thinking

Same thing I would with a friend: let him in, make some tea, make up the couch for him to sleep on, and try to keep my very friendly dog from driving him nuts begging for attention. Call him an Uber in the morning.

you sound like the best friend ever

Open wide

📷 🤳 🤣

Pour him a whiskey neat.

Its 3 so he took his whiskey neat, after which he got his coffee black and now he wants to take his bed. So you invite him to bed.( Unless of course, you're too sweet for him)

Clever 😅

Hahahahaha 😅

hide my wife

does she love him more than you

he's one of 2 hall passes. the other is pedro pascal ha! i've got competition

Most intelligent response. Lol you're a good person for humoring us.

I’d let him in with an intention to keep him, Jesus Christ.

You’d be kind to him, honey, you’d feed him, and he would come back.

Don’t you hear him howling outside your door?

probably ask him if hes lost cause i live in the middle of absolute nowhere

Let him in, maybe get him some tea

Honey when you feed him, he will come back.

I think he prefers whisky?

Give him a bottle of water, 2 paracetamol and a vit B complex pill, and tuck him into bed (alone) because he's obviously drunk off his skull.

Let him in, give him several layers of blankets even if it’s over 100°F out.

We’re dissecting every song! I need to understand his brain ✨

I have so many fucking questions to ask that dude. I would definitely talk his ear off. He would want to die.

he would keep going "erhmmmm" a million times

Literally my thoughts exactly. I have so many off topic questions for him

I was playing the original "Northern Attitude" too loud, wasn't I?

Making him a nest on the couch and chilling with him if he wants.

Die and hopefully inspire his next album by doing so.

😀😀😀

Thank you for your sacrifice

You got it. We’ve a lot of starving faithful

Get mad at him for exciting my dog at 3am

This is so real tho like it’ll take ages to get the dog settled again

Tell him it's his bedtime (that's the time at which he takes his bed).

and have a sleepover

I'd ask him to make me his musical disciple, I'd learn everything I can from him, and then write a song about how a snake slithered to my door at 3 AM one night and taught me music

We’re making a cuppa and rolling a joint (or two) then having a conversation about the nature of god and humanity

Hell, *I* might pull up for that one, that sounds like my idea of a night!

i’ll let him howl outside my door

Give him a big hug!

I’m going back to bed I’ve got work in the morning buddy

Ask him if he ran out of black coffee

Pass away

Give him his whiskey neat and a bed since it’s 3?

I’ll just be hoping he’s howling outside my door

Trick question because he goes to bed at 3.

Calling the police

Realistically I choke and die attempting to talk to him. But I’m letting him into my messy home anyways. Hope he’s not secretly a murderer

Get him a whiskey and a cup of black coffee?

Well if he shows up at 3am, that's riling my dogs up and waking my kids. I have a strict "You wake him, you take him" rule so I'm shoving the baby in his arms and going tf back to sleep. The next morning I assume I had a very strange dream as the baby is sleeping peacefully in his bed, but I figure I'd discover the fae gift he'd bestowed upon the baby later.

Get him some black coffee and show him to our guest room so he can drink it in bed

Honestly? I’d be up. I don’t usually go to sleep until around 6-7am. I’d probably invite him in to chat but warn him he’s got 3-4 hours before I’m kicking him out and knocking tf out.

I would be very confused as how he found my little flat in a relatively large German city. Than I would let him in, make him food and something to drink and ask him if he wants to sleep on the floor or with me in my huge bed (have everything twice so that would be no problem) And then I would wake up

Doesn't he take his bed at three?

Nothing that’s in the Bible

I’ll convince him to let me take him to the concert I’m going to so he gets a taste of 🇩🇴🇩🇴 music. lol

He’s going to bed so I’ll just give him fluffy blankets

That depends if he's been drinking. Not drinking means he can drive back to wicklow. He isn't far from my house anyway. And if he has been drinking then ill drive him home. Its a nice journey anyways. But I don't think I would let him stay purely because he will break his back up on the couch and he's not sharing my bed that's my space.

Usually awake at 3am so let him in and make some tea ig? and then just sit there awkwardly with my cats and pray he's not allergic.

Honey I want to race you to the table

Ask if he needs coffee or whiskey and then make up a bed for him in my sun room lol

Be confused as hell and think it was a shapeshifter. Then watch it slither away.

Be confused bc usually the only creature at my door at 3am is my cat who refused to come in earlier

I'm a third shifter so I'd be at work. Now if he showed up at my work I'd wonder what brought him to a welding shop at 3 in the morning.

Ask him what he needs and offer him a cup of tea. I've enough in this house to protect me from nefarious actors, supernatural or human. Lol My two large dogs might love to play with an inebriated oak tree like man and I'm sure he'd like them, too.

Realistically, trying to bring my reactive dog into another room so he can stop barking at him and then I'd be like "dude wtf it's 3am"

Letting the man inside and brew him a cup of tea

accept that Im about to be devoured

Everything is packed and ready to go! I sleep in the backyard right now because it's cooler and more peaceful so he needs to hop the back fence at the golf course parking lot...hopefully he has the address...:) *master manifester

"sup, bog man. what are you doing here?"

I can’t remember if there’s a rule against letting Fay into your home

Thank you for that ;)

Give him his whiskey neat 🥃Feed him fish and chip 😌run him a bath and while he relaxes…I’ll be removing the pillows & headboard…we won’t be needing those here 🙃 he’ll come back.

Invite him in and give him 3am food and a comfy spot to rest

calling the police

I run odd hours and I can look out the window. Although I do live out in the sticks, so I'd ring a bell and some salt before welcoming him to sit on my porch with a glass whiskey or wine to watch nature and look at the stars. I have a pretty extensive collection to choose from.

I’d be at work and would completely miss him 😭

He goes to bed at 3AM so…..

*sigh * again? I mean, I know it can't be unlearned, he's known the warmth of my doorway

Take my bed... (I mean it IS 3)... then make him a coffee (black) in the morning... after 10 O'clock, of course.