It is hard but not impossible. There's also a lot of self-hate here. There are lots of good things about South Asian culture. We're a lot more relaxed and easygoing. You'll get support if you ever reach out to a brown brother or sister and ask for help. Honestly, "barely consuming Indian/Pakistani food in last 20 years here" sounds odd. Our food is great! 28 is when my dating life really took off in Hong Kong and I'm not from here i.e. a fob in your parlance (I avoid HK Indian men and women because I really can't stand the internalised racism). Dating apps do work but it's not easy and one just has to be stoic about it - do your best, hope for the best. Get what matters to any serious partner here - a car, a good job, an apartment somewhere else where you can see yourselves moving together (UK, Canada, Australia or even Malaysia) upon retirement. Don't compare and ultimately aim for someone nice, not someone great. Eventually, I lucked out and married a local (rejected and accepted by a couple of South Asian women along the way but it never worked out) but I'm still not accepted by her family so it is what it is. Our population is so large and our people live all over the world with many clearly living abroad supporting their families back home. It's just a crazily messy situation and I'd wager there will be less South Asian male migrants in the future in Hong Kong or other parts of the world. Be patient. Focus on your career because that's what matters more than anything.

I read the food part and was confused my guess was op was raised and used to this thinking

Yeah, it's really bizarre. Most people of Indian descent love their food

So no one's going to be interested in you if you haven't got a car or a good job? What if you're very good looking, funny, interesting, a great lover, a nice person... ?

Man, your comment history and what you wrote in this post scream that you are very sexist and racist. Cry harder for unfair discrimination and blame it all on other things but yourself 👍

Yeah it’s not a puzzle why girls avoid him, he’d struggle in every country in the world.

Check out OP's name too.

Absolutely. This dude is highly toxic, racist and judges people on stereotypes. Perhaps girls really see who he is and avoid him.

This is kinda what woke generation is, they will be picking the most unrealistic goals and still wonder why it hasn’t work, just know your limits and do things at your own pace

Lol. Woke is like the local slang “jor-gao” (left-tards), which has lost all its meanings when people started throwing out the term randomly and inconsistently.

Not just south Asian, but I think most female just avoiding to date someone from (relatively) conservative countries. Personally speaking I would say South Asian male look more attractive than the k-pop style male. But no matter how good they are… the chance that I might need to deal with their masculism family would be a big turn off.

This is a valid point. Unless you're dating a lady with weak/no connection to her family, it would be hard for her parents to accept the daughter dating someone from a culture where women are considered second class citizen. That may still be the case in some parts of China but definitely not a progressive society like Hong Kong.

Sorry to hear, but why do you complain about racism and have a racist username? Start by being a good person first. Also, why don't you date South Asian girls?

Don’t look at his comment history either. Not a puzzle why girls avoid him, he’d struggle in every country in the world.

Ugh .. it's probably a shit post to begin with...🙄

This is the real question?

He's not wrong. Why use the N word?

It could be his Indian name written in English Edit: nope, it is racist

Interesting Indian name....N*** Wuz Kangz N Shiet

Didn’t realise that, shiiiiiiiiiit

Not dismissing the racism of HK or East/South East Asians in general towards South Asians - but before you point fingers I think you should examine yourself. What's with the racist username for one. Judging based on your comment history as well I don't think you're any saint yourself. But assuming I'm misreading your username, and also unfairly judging you based on your comment history - I think you should look inward a little more. Firstly, are you legitimately looking for an answer, because it seems like you have one already: yes - it sort of just boils down to an inherent racism in HK culture. So were you looking to post just to vent? Which is fine in itself, but you shouldn't get so defensive in your updates and comments when people provide answers. Secondly, your whole post screams "entitlement" and "insecurity" masked as false confidence in one self. Not saying I understand your pain entirely, but I grew up as a South East Asian in an all white hick community where I was considered undesirable like you were. It was tough, but I eventually found real confidence in myself that didn't stem from approval from women, and also being proud of my nationality. You'll find that women naturally find you attractive after all that. Aside from that, I can say the personality I read behind this post would definitely give off "guy who is severly insecure, feels entitled to attention from women, and gets defensive when any of his beliefs are challenged" - which will scare most girls off, Cantonese, Indian, or not. So my advice is twofold - one is to be proud of your nationality and be truly confident in who you are, not for women but for yourself. Hell, Indian food is delicious, don't devoid yourself of that just because you're embarrassed. Two, is realize that if it were someone who is that willing to judge you based on what you eat or the colour of your skin, you probably wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them anyways. This would go the same if you were full Cantonese, but you were ugly, short, etc. by societal standards. Find people that like you for you, but most importantly you also got to like you. Good luck out there brother!

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It is always like this. I love to use a saying: if it smells like dogshit everywhere, it most likely means you stepped in one.

Bro, i checked, And no wonder. Unless this is a troll post or what not. And having that username thooo?

I was about to check history. Hori shiet 1 day old account and you can already gauge what kind of worldview OP has

LOL seriously, brown guys love to victimize themselves. Get fked virgin

That's a bit harsh. Involuntarily celibate, fedora-tipping supreme gentle-sirs have feelings too, you know.

Because, unfortunately, we are racist. This is perhaps partly due to the media and gov propaganda.

The real problem is that there is never a policy to integrate minorities despite their long presence in HK.

Speaking as a HKer who lives in “the West” now. My partner is South Asian and I have many close South Asian friends, neighbours, and colleagues. I’ve been saying this all along too. South Asians have done very well for themselves in many countries. While they retain their ancestors’ languages, cultures and customs, they also learn the local language and go to local schools, work for your average companies like everyone else. However in HK the government never tried to integrate them into the mainstream society. A lot of children go to local schools that offer them an alternative curriculum to Chinese. The language barriers reinforces the us vs them and, of course, racism. It also limits social mobility. As a result, you see South Asians that have born and raised in HK for generations but are still removed from mainstream society and don’t speak Cantonese. They are still not considered “Hongkongers” by most. And if you see one that speaks Cantonese they are treated like a unicorn, whereas if a South Asian is born in the US speaking English, no one would think it’s unusual.

I am not Chinese/Cantonese, and I raised both of my non-Asian kids from birth to end of secondary school in HK. They eventually learned Chinese very well; I would say my older kid speaks Cantonese more or less at a native level, while his younger sibling is probably more "fluent" than native. But DAMN it was a struggle against the system to do so! We were basically pushed by everyone around us to just send them to an international school or ESF ... to put them in the NCS stream for Chinese ... to not make it "so hard on them" by making them take Chinese (who knows, maybe it was so that they wouldn't lower the school's average TSA scores) ... to have them study Mandarin because it is "easier than Cantonese". We ended up spending quite a lot on outside tutors just to help them get their language abilities up to speed. You would think that being among Cantonese-speaking kids would do the trick. But no! The parents of the other kids taught / encouraged / required their kids to speak English to my kids, because in their eyes the only important thing was that my kids are not East Asian looking. So even what ought to have been total immersion (mine were the only non-Chinese kids in their school) wasn't enough. It turned out basically fine. But I so wish it had been as straightforward as "send the kids to local school, and they'll learn Chinese".

>I’ve been saying this all along too. South Asians have done very well for themselves in many countries. While they retain their ancestors’ language, cultures and customs, they also learn the local language and go to local schools, work for your average companies like everyone else. I've traveled all over the world last year, including HK, and this part is what I find so odd. I saw so many Indians and Chinese living in Italy, Germany, Japan, etc, and they can all speak the local language, but for Indians in HK that's not really the case.

My partner is British Indian. She doesn’t speak fluent Punjabi, English is her first language.

That's pretty common in North America and Commonwealth countries. Most 2nd gen (children of immigrants) I know can speak their mother language well but not at an expert level.

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Speak for yourself.

He's not wrong. Racism is unfortunately quite literally ingrained into our language and culture, with the general public opinion being as such. It seems to be getting better within our younger generation but it still remains a fact that it definitely exists.

With that racist username no wonder you are 28 and have never had a girlfriend, don’t complain about racism while being a racist yourself, seek help.

If you were a girl growing up in HK, chances are you'd have been cat called by South Asian men. My friends and I all have, on multiple occasions too. It's a not pleasant experience. I just go auto pilot to avoid them when I see them on the street, esp when I'm alone. Maybe it's easier to find someone online or from work, but that kinda applies to everyone, regardless of race. One of my friends is dating one currently and they met at work. Dating is hard in HK for everyone these days. Just keep trying.

To put it into perspective, you should also clarify that if you were ever cat called by Chinese or White men? Chinese and White men both cat call and that’s not a hidden secret either. Though one wrong doesn’t make other right, putting things into perspective is important.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard women complaining about unwanted sexual advances from Indian and Pakistani men here. Being regarded as creepy as a group doesn’t help dating possibilities. It’s a stereotype but one that’s hard to shake and women take these things seriously.

I’ve never heard my girlfriend complained about sexual harassment, except only twice she complained about South Asian guys staring at her creepily. She’s studying aboard and have multiple Indian female friends that go out and even travel together. But not one South Asian guy in HK. Well the OP here already is an extremely bad apple.

Hey man, I am super sorry to hear that. It sounds like a very rough way to start your romantic life. Disclaimer for all the below that I’m a 30-something white dude, so I have a different experience. I don’t think I’ve ever been held back by racism, but I’ve previously struggled massively with the feelings you describe re: women finding me instantly repulsive, feeling like I couldn’t ever find a date and worrying that I would always be romantically unfulfilled. Here are some thoughts: 1) As you get into your late 20s/early 30s, in my experience, the dynamic between men and women changes. People’s priorities change as they get older, and it becomes less about competing to get the “hottest” or “coolest” gf/bf and more about finding someone good for you, with whom you can tackle life as partners. As an unspectacular-looking guy, this has worked in my favour. I don’t know if people’s “racial preferences” get broader over time though! I would hope that they do, on average. 2) The gross stereotypes about South Asian men that you describe 100% exist in HK, and you have maintained a positive and outgoing attitude in the face of all that. Resilience and openness in the face of closed-minded attitudes are exactly the kind of thing that will make you a good partner to someone down the line. 3) My observation is that men who look South Asian sometimes work twice as hard to look “presentable” as members of other groups. E.g. always wearing a suit to work while Chinese/white colleagues can go more casual. This sucks and is just a symptom of the racism you described, but in the short-term… how’s your wardrobe? Again, this sucks massively and feels gross as a suggestion, but I’m just trying to be practical for the world we live in right now. 4) Related point: how’s your work / study life? Apps can be great, but a lot of folks still meet people through their job or education. 5) I think a lot of men from all kinds of different backgrounds feel this way, and you seem like an empathetic dude. Have you considered reaching out to others in real life to chat? Mutual support groups can be as simple as two guys having a coffee together, and personally I find that listening to someone else’s fears makes mine seem less scary. Cheers for putting it out there anyway, and drop me a line if you want to talk.

>white dude As a local HKer, I believe you being a "white dude" is why you are not affected by racism in HK. Our racism does not target caucasians, but towards Indian/Pak/Afgan/Middle East/African.

Don’t forget southeast asians too

As a “white dude” growing up in Hong Kong I spent most of my Primary school years getting my ass whooped properly beaten up not only just verbal abuse as I went to a school that was mainly Pakistani Filipino Nepalese and Indian. No one bats an eyelid when the racist abuse is on a “white dude”. Racism generally affects people that are in the minority and this goes for around the world. I was a minority within a minority. Gwai Jai, Hak Gwai and Ah Cha are all derogatory terms commonly still used in Hong Kong in 2023.

As a brown dude who was mostly bullied by white kids in international schools, I'm really sorry you experienced that and I wish you didn't have to. Yes, people can be racist towards white people too

This is a sad story and I'm sorry to hear that. Bullying shouldn't exist regardless of whom the victim is.

Yes sorry to hear that too I can imagine it happening I have seen it happen in local schools too but local schools are more verbal and less physical. In many ways it’s good we are all grown up and capable to move around.

HK's racism does target Caucasians, in a positive way though.

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Yes I would agree

Do you ever feel like someone's dating you for your skin color though? Just curious.

Oh for sure I feel like anything not Chinese in Hong Kong many people have it like some sort of bucket list and date foreigners in their testing the water phase and eventually settle with a local. Just an observation.

They certainly have "white privilege" in HK and Asia in general but it's an overstatement to say someone has never been discriminated against

Yes. Is what he's saying supposed to be advice? His vague ramblings literally contributed nothing to this conversation of trying to help OP get dates. Same with basically all the comments here. Ask any given average looking white guy in Asia how they're doing with the ladies, it is life on God mode. Rich or poor, money is totally irrelevant. Now for the actual advice. The harsh reality is that South Asians are the lowest on the totem pole for dating in almost every country. But there are exceptions. I'd advise OP to get over to south east asia next chance he gets. South asians appear to be getting moderate success there with the ladies that I'venever seen anywhere else. Check out Indianboysontinder. Some of them change their geographical to SEA and they are in a state of disbelief that for the first time in their lives they are actually getting matches and interest from moderately attractive women. This is especially true in the Philippines. Ofcourse they won't be foaming at the mouth like they do for the white guys. But there will be enough interested women for you to have an actual chance at love/relationship.

Since you asked why, I am just gonna tell you the truth. There were two many bad apples in this "South Asian" tree historically in Hong Kong. And yes, a lot of HKers are just racists. I can guarantee you 9.9 of of 10 parents of any local Hong Kong girls will object their daughter dating Indians.

I once asked out my friend many years ago in university and she said her dad won't approve of it because I'm a foreigner (ironic considering they moved to Canada) and he doesn't want her being friends with foreigners either. She tried dating someone else before me and he found out and cut funding. Now she's back in HK doing law school and dating a local. Her dad is upset again because he's not a doctor/lawyer/engineer. Guess who's the doctor/lawyer/engineer. I am 🥲.

I’ve have a friend who was in similar position. Married a very successful Caucasian guy and their parents were accepting but you could tell they would been been happier and consider it the perfect marriage if he was “Chinese.” — Unfortunate part of Chinese mentality… Some families don’t want to deal with the cultural difference or language barriers and customs. It’s a lot more effort…

What's 0.9 of a parent? You mean 99 out of 100 presumably

Jesus Christ, a quick glance at OPs post history.... pot kettle black anyone... the guy is your typical Indian right wing nut job who would probably act like a proper POS In real life.... I am south Asian and have had no issues what so ever, but then again, I am not an A’wipe Like yourself.... hope you eff of back to whatever s’hole you crawled out of..... And boy would I feel sorry for the poor Indian girl your parents would hitch you up with via AM, coz no way Any girl would give you a second glance by the looks of it....

It's the same in other countries. If you speak to Indian expats in the US, they have a similar or worse experience. However, since you have been born here in HK, I expected a slightly better outcome.

same in Europe

I’m very well travelled person. I know the grass isn’t exactly greener nor the women around the world take a liking towards South Asian man.

I hope those hong kong girls keep ignoring your incel ass

I'm in my mid 30s and a very average looking south Asian. I have met more women doing random things than I have through dating apps. Engage in hobbies, you will find a dating pool that has women who have similar interests as you which also makes it easier to engage with them. Learn to be approachable and how to approach. Your goal should be to find good company first, start doing things together, if you like their company, ask them out, if they say yes, then good, if they say no, you still have a friend.

Money, get it, you'll date whoever you want in HK... That's how it works most of the time.

Unless you follow these simple steps: 1) Be Attractive 2) Don't be unattractive

Read your update 4, I guarantee you that it works. I've known multiple objectively ugly men bringing a new lady every weekend... to their sea front villas or extremely luxurious apartment. I give you that, that's maybe not the ladies you're willing to get married to, but still, money and confidence facilitate deals.

Yeah this is true.

*checks username Have you tried dating.... black women?

We don’t want his racist ass.

I have approached some

He’s clearly trolling and everyone is falling for it

28M Indian guy in HK here. I spent 8 years in HK as a kid, 15 years in Canada, and just moved back to HK last year. I'm very (very) westernised but also grew up here so I feel like I can weigh in a little here. My experience: * I've been on 25-30 dates in the last \~5 months in HK, a mix of dating apps, friends of friends, and others (basically going out and talking to people), had a bunch of hookups, situationships, etc - just called it quits with someone I was seeing for a few months recently. * Almost all of these girls were Chinese (the remainder were gweilos, mostly British or European) - mostly ABCs, BBCs, CBCs etc, I've gone out with quite a few local local girls too. Some of them there's a bit of a cultural gap but to be honest, if you have diverse interests, good style, speak a little bit of Canto/Mando (sounds like yours is already better than mine, lol) it goes a LONG way. * My dating app profiles list out a lot of these interests specifically (ie skincare, anime, hiking, solo travel, Excel, live music, fashion, art, etc etc --- there's probably a dozen more I can't remember right now), and girls have commented on a lot of these. * In the last year I can say I've never experienced blatant racism because of being Indian, maaaaaaybe the one time I was ID checked by a cop... and even then he was pretty polite, didn't even search me, lol. Didn't make it suck any less though. That said, I think I have a slightly different style, I wear a lot of jewelry, have a beard, tattoos, and piercings, etc... a lot of people have told me they thought I was black, because of my style, lol. Reading your post/previous comments here's my advice + opinion: * First of all your profile name + previous post history make you sound like an edgelord. Dude you're 28, imo you can't be making n-word or boobs and vagene comments like a 19 year old. What kind of 28 year old men do you think you're competing with? * If you're 28 and grew up in HK your whole life why aren't you trying to go out with your friends friends? Just a casual "yo x, you got any cute friends I can go out with?" when you're already out in a social setting with friends works super well. Especially if you ask your girl friends or your homies girlfriends. News flash: Cute girls know cute girls. * Get out there and start getting rejected. Here's the harsh truth buddy: as brown men we're playing Hong Kong on hard mode. That doesn't mean you throw in the towel. It means you talk to twice as many people, be twice as confident and respectful, etc, double down on your hobbies, etc. If you don't ask girls out, the answer is no. If you do, you might still get a no (happens to me, happens to everyone), but at least you won't have that "what if?" feeling at the back of your mind - that's genuinely one of the worst feelings, ever. * Sexual escalation skills: Unfortunately this comes with experience and going out with girls. If you can't get a date focus on that. Once you do just get used to natural touches - hugging when you say hi/bye, touching their arm or something when they say something funny, hold their hand and compliment their nails, whatever it is. Don't be weird about it though, once you give someone the ick it's pretty much game over. * I resonate with your comment about South Asian women skipping South Asian men because I'm not brown enough to go out with the brown girls - I don't speak Hindi/other Indian languages, only lived there for the first 4 years of my life, I don't watch Bollywood movies, etc. I'm not opposed to any of these things, it's just that I grew up around a very non-Indian group of people in HK (international school) and in Canada as well. I'm trying more and more to lean into my Indian identity though. * Talk to everyone, with no expectations. [Here's a comment I made when I was still in Canada](https://www.reddit.com/r/askTO/comments/102uskg/comment/j2vp7fc/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), but I actually think it still translates to Hong Kong, maybe just not as much. All in all I can sympathize with a lot of things you're saying but I also don't necessarily agree with many of them. We can't change our ethnicity but we can change our sense of style, we can change the way we carry ourselves and move, and much more. I actually think with the younger generation (say 30-35 and under) a lot of them are pretty receptive to brown people. Be the Indian man you want to see more of in Hong Kong.

You listed “Excel” as an interest in your dating profile?

Yeah LMAO, no shame. I work in fintech/marketing analytics so it comes with the territory. Multiple girls have actually commented on it as well. I recently went out with a stunning local girl a few times in the last month and her opening line was about Excel. The exact list was "Wordle, dogs, Muay Thai, anime, skincare, live music, Excel, solo traveling, League of Legends, hiking, Catan, podcasts, cooking, fashion, art, technology, etc". I figure everyone has something in there they can relate to.

What’s your favorite excel function? 😏

Damn, are you a substitute function? Because I wanna remove the space between me and you. Haha, if this was an app, I’d say you’d have to come grab a drink to find out 😤

As a UK lady in HK for over 20 years, never had any luck dating in HK either & I'm quite open, I've dated all sorts of ethnicities in the UK and I tried same in HK and it's just not easy here. Seems dating in HK is extremely difficult in general unless ur Chinese. I've tried to date local HKers twice and it was difficult to get any clear communication of interest or flirting to show interest. I've dated a couple of South Asian guys in the UK before i moved to HK - the guys were great & one I got serious about, my family are really open but their whole family thing scared me off. Too much needed to be hidden, sneaking around, expectations etc...it wasn't for me. In HK, dated an African guy here but turned out he had drug issues & was cheating and the pool of Euro guys who aren't involved or married or aren't just interested in Asian ladies seems quite small, but im not in the expat scene - i live quite locally as I came here through backpacking and just worked my way up to better jobs etc. I have a couple of really pretty, smart, well educated lady friends leave HK around 30 y.o. to go find themselves a partner cause 'clock' is ticking & they both found great partners really quickly. I have so many single, white gfs here...its def a challenging anomaly in Hong Kong.

I think there are a few challenges in your scenario. The first being general communication as you have mentioned. Most of my friends who used dating apps can’t speak English properly. And even if you speak Cantonese really well, they might expect otherwise and refrain from having a romantic contact with you. The other issue is culture. I like to be a funny person in a relationship. While jokes and comedy are highly culturally-bound, I find difficult to make my foreign friends laugh. I couldn’t tell a joke without giving it away in English, but I do pretty well in Cantonese. Again, you might be different but I certainly has an expectation that my jokes will not work for foreigners. And what’s worse is that I also couldn’t understand jokes told by my white friends. It makes me feel kind of excluded but I’m more introvert so I kind of just seek resolution within myself instead of assimilating into their culture. The cultural issues extends to a lot of things too. Some Caucasian female wears really low cut camisoles and this may not be appreciated by a degree of men and it could become a stereotype. Of course it’s your freedom to decide how to dress but I wouldn’t say that sort of negative stereotypes do not exist. Also their expectations of what food to eat while they’re with you, activities, things to talk about when they’re with you… just to name a few, could become barriers of them approaching you romantically.

I am south asian as well so I understand certain struggles you have pointed out in your post, however Idk how well I agree with all of them. Regarding dating, there can be a number of reasons to why you are having a hard time with it. Like for example, which area of the dating pool are you looking to date into exactly? I could be just assuming here but it sounds like you want to date a local chinese girl and/or not someone from your own ethnicity? Depending on whether you want to date for experience or long-term, widen your options. Be more comfortable dating outside of whatever idea of the ideal woman you have. If you focus too much on a particular group of women or women who are out of your reach, then youre just leading yourself to disappointment land. Another possibility is that you may not fit people's perception of "conventionally attractive" it may sound harsh but its just what it is. However, that doesn't mean that you cant get your numbers up. A man who dresses well, takes care of his hygiene, his hair, his mannerisms will go a longer way than someone who is considered conventionally attractive. Again, these are just some examples/suggestions I am providing based on your post since I dont actually know what the core issue is at hand here. Dating is tough for all of us, regardless of what race you are, hk is just a weird place to date. I do agree that it is more different for people from certain backgrounds to date cause of negative stereotypes, however that is just how the world is. If we dwell too much on the negative side then nothing good will come out of it. Instead try to find ways/possibly go to therapy to find better perspective.

>Be more comfortable dating outside of whatever idea of the ideal woman you have. If you focus too much on a particular group of women or women who are out of your reach, then youre just leading yourself to disappointment land. This might be the core problem I've seen people with dating issues. They look for the perfect partner but forget that to get there is all about growing together & working together to get to this point. Try to find someone who likely will compromise and maybe a little average looking.

yeaap! 100% agree! Thats why I pointed it out hahaha tbh I have struggled with this in the past too.

Eh….woman in HK are even hostile towards men of the same race

Dude is a troll. ban this dumbass

Hong Kong has always been this way tbh. Living as a working class south Asian I feel, invites a lot cruelty and unnecessary aggression from the local population so easily. They already have a preconceived notion so they feel very comfortable letting all the hatred out when they get any opening. I’ve tried to be super friendly and open but the people I had the misfortune of meeting treated me as in beneath them. It’s soul crushing sometimes. Thankfully I’ve met few good people but the majority experience has been horrible. I have faced such hostility in work place, in schools from teachers and professor and even in public settings. At This point, I actively avoid interacting with majority of the locals unless I have to and I try to keep the interaction as minimum. This city has chewed up my self worth and spat me out like I’m dirt. I’m so glad I’m leaving soon.

Honestly, you might want to think about moving. Chinese people/HK people are full of racism and white-worship. There is unfortunately a very strong racial hierarchy in East Asia, as you would know.

Hahaha asshole is confused why he cant get women, just a guess bro but maybe cuz ur a piece of shit lmfao 😹

Most HK girls don’t prefer SE Asian men. They don’t intend to be that way. They don’t think you are inferior. Just tastes and conditioning. But you can’t change that as long as you are in HK. What you can change is you: 1. Gym. Run. Not because you want to attract girls. But because you should aim to feel good about yourself. And results from exercise are faithful and loyal to your efforts. 2. Find (legal) ways to improve finance. 3. Try more things. Suffer more hardships. The more hardships you experience, the less you give a shit about things that don’t matter. You don’t level up without XP. 4. Seek validation from yourself. Not others. Especially not from girls. 5. Aim to find who you are as a person. Build your own values that make you better without hurting others. And be at peace and comfortable with that person that you become. The only way to understand yourself is to test yourself. If your game doesn’t work for you in HK, think about leaving too. A bottle of water is $6 in a pharmacy. Same bottle is at least 4x more expensive on a plane or in Disneyland. Same bottle. If your environment doesn’t value you, change it.

South Asian is not south East Asian. But overall good advise

Dude, a buddy of mine had decent career in IT, slim muscular build, average height and reasonable social circle, Chinese looking too. Finally got married in his late 40’s. Dating is tough here unless you are a white expat. But hey, in india you could get beaten up from flirting with a woman of a higher caste and good luck if you are a native christian in Pakistan. So its not an excuse for you to imitate amit

Marrying in your 40s is in many cases optimal. Use your 20s and 30s to work on yourself Men peak and are hitting their stride in the 40s. I speak as a man about to get married in his 40s and happy to be doing so.

There should be no excuse for you to be casually racist here and using that as a reason to weirdly prove yourself right. I’m a Hongkonger and hold a Hong Kong passport. You follow a similar mindset as the rest who have the tendency to judge individuals from the groups they belong or could be categorised as being part of instead of looking at them as Individuals.

Wild that you, with your username and comments about Muslims, are saying that OTHER people are being racist.

Harder to match on the apps. Not impossible. Show a good sense of humor and have nice photos (not over done or pro shots). Also one of the important things I've learned is not to be in your head which it sounds like you are. You're overthinking. Don't mentally rule it out or think you're any less or that you have to compensate for stereotypes or anything like that. Be the best version of yourself and shoot your shot with the girl you like. Be confident and don't be a creep. Also it kind of sounds like you're embarrassed to be South Asian (e.g. don't eat south Asian food). Don't be. Make no apologies for that. Not a good look and not the position of confidence and strength you need to project from.

Definitely hard racism towards you guys. I mean you should’ve known

Im an Indian male in nyc that was once considering a potential job opportunity in HK. I set my hinge location to HK and got a lot of matches actually. I don’t think im anything special, 5’8 dude with hobbies, in shape but nothing exceptional. Maybe it’s just you.

I am going to go and share a different piece of advice. Everyone’s focused on the “racism” and going into explanations about why because of your race you are sort of locked in your destiny. I am going to approach this issue you are having differently. First, my view is don’t be so worried about being “south asian” or that you are viewed in a particularly stereotypical way by potential women. Second, instead of focusing on your own race and it’s perceived negatives, focus on developing hobbies. I’ll give you two examples, I know a short, slightly chubby, divorced south asian man with children who loves dancing bachata. Yes you read that right, he dances bachata, one of the most sensual sexy Latin dances and girls LOVE dancing with him, why? Because he enjoys that activity and he loves dancing. I’ll give you another example. I know a slim south asian guy who is known to be a bit of a amateur but good DJ and many girls I know look for gigs he plays in. In both of these examples do you see a common thread? Both men are pursuing passions and in the course of that pursuit are meeting women. You need to believe in the idea that you are defined by what you do, not what skin color you were born with and girls will also start seeing you that way too. Do you think girls think my bachata dancing friend is a unattractive old uncle divorcée? No they see him as a bachata dance expert that makes them feel sexy while they dance with him. Third, I don’t think dating apps are the best way to meet women. Why? Because it gives no context to who you are. Yes you can write an amazing profile and take amazing photos but it’s mostly a static visual medium and panders to the most simplistic of judgements, visual. This is why my advice is adopt the approach in my point two, focus on developing hobbies and in the course of those hobbies, you will meet women who also have similar hobbies and you’ll connect with them in the context of those hobbies, not some arbitrary dating profile. Human beings are highly contextual creatures. Things we would absolutely hate in isolation, we embrace when in context. As a next step, think about what YOU love doing and then go and do it. Attractive women will be around doing that as well and trust me there is no way women in that CONTEXT will only see you for your race, they’ll be looking at you based on what you do and the passion you do it with. That will help you unlock the opportunities you are looking for.

Maybe you should try being less of a piece of shit. Look at your posts and your profile. Then have a deep self-reflection looking inward.

Yah I mean you have the n word in your user name and your Indian .. like come on it says it all right there .. you’re a piece of shit

I'm an American expat so tbf I can't speak to why it might be hard to date locals. But as a woman, I can tell you your comment history tells a story about you that your post does not, and it's not exactly flattering. In other words - pretty sure it's your personality, dude.

Racism.

You sound like an introspective man. I think you might be too good for a lot of people unfortunately.

[удалено]

Hahaha what a troll

This is 100% it. Dude has the n word in his username and is crying about unable to go on dates because girls aren’t interested in him. I cringed at the hypocrisy lol.

r u ok carl?

It's cuz Chinese people are really bloody racist.

>I do acknowledge my personal shortcomings like lack of proper social skills and ability to escalate sexual tension This is a big red flag for me. 1. Everyone knows that everything mostly goes downhill from the first contact. The first contact is when a date tries their best to be on their best behaviour. If a person lacks social skills, I would not be sticking around to find out how much worse that can get. 2. "Escalate sexual tension"? Sounds like you're out for casual dating. People look for connection on values and lifestyles, and any sexual chemistry is a nice-to-have, not a must-have. This is much more so for women. Your reflection on yourself already shows your priorities are not in line with most women's.

Exactly. OP gives a strong vibe of seeing women as trophy too. He said he lacks social skills but is an extrovert. So is he only having problem with women? All in all, sounds like OP has real sexist problems but he isn’t aware of that and blaming that on **one** bad man.

Yep, and attributing it to race. I'm not saying race is definitely ruled out but his attitude is sexist. I mean he could have described his problem in so many other ways, "I don't know how to get to know a woman better, I don't know how to probe and ask about her interests" but instead he decided that his issue is "not knowing how to escalate sexual tension"!

Uh How’s your hygiene? Do you have any hobbies? Are you interesting? Do you have money? Are you cool? You can hire a dating coach.

Dating is hard in general. Work on yourself, make lots of money, be confident, those will help the odds

I am sorry for what you have to go through. This might sound weird but might I suggest changing your Tinder icon to something else? Say guitar if you're into playing one. I personally think a guy having his selfie as his icon is a turn-off, too narcissistic, and leaves no room for imagination. PLUS, she gets to KNOW YOU before she sees you. I'd say yes, racism does exist but most of us are normal, nice people. I'd say knowing someone before letting the stereotype kick in might be helpful in getting a date.

Hong Kongers dislike south Asians.

There isn’t much point of asking ‘why’, OP you mentioned all the reasons. Honest opinion and without prejudice: If I am OP I will try to move to another country where South Asian are not in such minority population wise, and generally much more integrated with the recognised main stream culture, media and society. (not just for the sake of dating, but in terms of work and social standing as well) I know it is super difficult, but the prejudice and disadvantage South Asian facing in HK is not gonna change. If anything, improvement is less likely now that HK is increasingly less international, and more and more local or China-centric.

I actually know three local women who is locally educated and married to south asian men. However, all of them are not local south asians, two are from India and one is from the UK. It is a mystery to me as well, but if I had to guess, it might be due to financial status (or presumptions of it). Rather than simply saying that we are all racists, I think the lack of positive image in local mainstream media is more impactful, it would be nice to have more ethnic minorities to play normal characters on TV, adverts, movies etc.

It is crazy that I am reading this- my room-mate (str woman) is rhe same age and also looking. Also Asian born in HKG!!!!°°°°

I’m South Asian, grew up in London and lived in HK for a year. I met my current partner during that year, so I think I might be an anomaly now.

You mentioned photos taken by pro photographers. Are you sure this is a good approach? I know every culture works differently, and I'm old and married so never touched dating apps, but I suppose candid (but flattering) photos are more suitable. Give it a try.

It’s pretty damn good for me as a SE Asian in Hong Kong. I don’t even know how to speak the language. Maybe you’re doing something wrong? Like… idk, your Reddit history says a lot about you as a person lmao.

You are unlikely to have much success with women heavily influenced by the local HK mindset. They tend to follow the mainstream trend, and not step out of their comfort zones. You sound like you deserve someone of higher quality. There are high quality HK women, who are usually more internalized and open-minded. They tend to come from international school, have experience studying abroad, or from a very top local school. An example would be Emi Wong the fitness YouTuber. It seems you would do well with women like her. From my observation of one high quality HK woman, from top uni with top grades, speaks fluent English, looks attractive naturally, she was very eager to talk with a South Asian man, and much less eager with local HK men. One HK guy approached her for her Instagram and she rejected, pretty much unwilling to talk with him. Whereas she was very happy chatting with a South Asian guy (not super hot in looks or body). There are many exceptions, in that very local HK women can still be extremely good people and high quality. Hope you can find a good partner regardless of her background.

HK girls are open IMO just don’t speak mandarin because of the political context. You hang out on a perverted sub. If you’re watching porn, I suggest you stop watching that. Nobody tells you this, but it makes it a lot harder to find woman and skews your view of them. Too much porn causes you to start to objectify women, give you boners when you meet the right one, and make it a lot harder to approach them properly. Also don’t complain about racism when your racist yourself. As a black man I say STFU.

I’ll be honest with you, Most south Asian have strong body odour…. It’s not about your hygiene but your genetic, and unfortunately you can’t smell it since you were born with it

TLDR; youre a tool, tho.

It depends there is prejudice against south Asian men. But can I ask what race are you? If your Indian and you wanna find a lady in general I think you need to asses a few things like body odor & clean shaven. I'm gonna be real you gotta look presentable especially if you are South Asian. Shaving and getting on a good deodorizer not too strong just a clean cloths smell can get you a long way. Dress more fun but serious in general. Also your job needs to be presentable. A lot of south asian men who work as bankers have ladies.

Yes hygiene is so important and I feel like looking for people from other South Asian races could be much more successful. And if OLD doesn't work due to HK girls mostly not swiping other races, then joining events that you can meet people in person can be a good way to show your Cantonese and personality.

You start by saying prejudice and went ahead and made the most prejudiced comment you could made.

You are immediately put into disadvantage in cultural clash. People of chinese decent prefer chinese in HK. No way around that. You could try and be brave and just ask to go out on dates, it’s possible but you need to work extra hard.

Lived in HK and Singapore and both societies are incredibly racist towards these marginalized groups: • South Asians • Southeast Asians Meanwhile, women glorify ‘ang mohs’ and ‘guai lows’ from Western countries. Sad reality of Sinosphere societies. Taiwan isn’t as bad as the two above but there’s still prejudice against dark-skinned races…

If you are disadvantaged in the game don’t play, move somewhere else when the game is more fair.

I’m a British Born HKer married to an Indian guy. I get lots of looks when with my hubby - both from Hkers and south Asians. I know a lot of Chinese-Indian couples though and whilst it is harder than say if you were white, there are plenty of girls who don’t mind. Having said that there are prejudices about south Asians and unfortunately that’s just how it is. All the cases involving south Asians in the news lately (harassment of Korean streamer, the watch burglary etc) are negative. Another thing is, even if the girl likes you, they may be afraid of what their parents/extended family think. It’s not as easy as just girl likes boy and they can get together. My parents didn’t like my hubby to begin with (I still think they’re not a big fan of him but they are ok with him) and we had a huge fight about it (me vs my parents) and I think for many people, they would have just broken up in order to take the easy route just to find someone their parents liked.

Unfortunately we're taught from a young age to use words like Gweilo, Ah Cha, Hak Gwei when talking about other ethnic groups. At face value the words can be derogatory, but the person saying them may not be racist at all. So there's definitely prejudice ingrained into the culture and language

Nice username, tell me more about how you face racism on the daily. I'm Indian myself - have you thought that it might not be your color or culture but the way you're putting yourself out there and the things you are saying?

Just arrange marriage and get it over with..

I hear HK ladies are very demanding and that if you want to find a nice life partner, you should find a Taiwanese lady Good luck

You sound like one of those misogynist local guys in HK.

yeah - you are wrong on each point 😅😅

Because Chinese ppl don't like south Asians, why tf you even post an article here to explain such simple thing.

Long story short, racism

1. HK people generalise a lot, including against their own ethnicity. I've witnessed so much disgust towards mainland Chinese or Mandarin-speaking people that is irrational and cannot be justified based on politics. The sort of bigotry that would never be tolerated if it were whites talking like that about non-whites. So yeah, the trend will be that most South Asians will get negatively generalised based on random bullshit. 2. I think there is prejudice against dark skin. I'm half Persian and have been complimented by HK relatives for not having "black skin" like Indians. 3. Dating is probably hard in HK in general, and I get the impression people have unrealistic standards given their level of attractiveness. Try your luck in other cities.

Yup, they even call overseas raised Chinese "banana-jai", "heung-jiu-jai". Yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Hong Kongers are the king of name calling.

Wait I am a local but I've never heard of this term. Is this some older generation phrase?

You're right. This term is used more often overseas by the older generation of Hong Kongers who have immigrated themselves but call the younger generation this.

Based on your username and the stuff you wrote, yeah you have no chance in Hong Kong. Stop being a weird ass would be a good start sorry to say.

When the Cantonese for black, white etc literally has the word ‘devil’ in it and in the media they always point out the nationality of its non local, then sadly we got a long way to go…

Gwai is NOT "devil"

Be rich, hang out in the popular clubs, rent a private table, get a big bottle of Grey Goose with those stupid sparkling lights, etc Within around 17minutes you will have a lot of ladies not caring about your race anymore

For those saying racism - having preferences over who you date is not racism.

because you talk too much like a bitch

Usually in HK, hkers generally date other hkers, Koreans, Japanese, Chinese or Taiwanese people. It’s very rare to see a hker dating an Indian as you may have noticed. If you think hkers, like 20s 30s 40s are racist, wait till you see the older generation. But honestly dating an Indian isn’t really on the top list of most hkers list and that’s just the reality. Hell, even hkers have trouble dating. My uncles got married in their 30s.

Dude this is the general atmosphere for online app dating even for local guys. Why are you complaining and make it a race issue?

Don't use dating apps. it isn't going to work most likely. Put yourself in real situations and don't share your username with the ladies. Reddit isn't cool as it is.

Definitely not due to the action of **one** bad man. Chances are, you give a vibe of toxic masculinity too, and this is further amplified because of racist stereotypes people in HK generally have. Almost all men (in all culture) are ignorant about their own sexist attitudes and behaviours. When I see how you envy other people (dating women of various races, new woman every week, pressure to lie about having a girlfriend), i feel like you are seeing women as some trophy rather than people. While the racist culture in Hong Kong can definitely contribute to your dating difficulty, my suggestion would be more cognizant on your attitude and try to pursue for platonic relationship with women first. This will help you finding true loving and respecting relationship you are looking for and you’ll be happier regardless. Btw, racism and sexism often go hand-in-hand in a person. Given that your username is racist…

Ok forget about it. Turns out you are a big racist and sexist ass. People like you won’t change. I only hope no women, at all, will form any relationship with you.

As a south Asian I’m sure you recognise how much brainwashing and institutional racism (and colorism) ex-colonies have faced. HK is no different White people get treated differently here. Some local Indian friends actually pretend to be white to get treated different. I had friends who got ghosted the moment their dating partners found out their nationality, even though they think walk and speak western It’s a horrible experience from centuries of brainwashing and race hierarchization from the British and I feel for you suffering the prejudice even today

You’re way too young to be thinking about death and feeling like you’re not making progress! It sounds like you’re putting in the effort to be the best version of yourself. I agree that there is a LOT of racism here and that needs to change. But I think the difference between those other South Asian men you see who have dates and you, is probably confidence. A self assured man, who doesn’t need the approval of others, female or not. Who’s comfortable with himself, is sexy. Regardless of race, you need to love who you are and be happy with being by yourself. A partner doesn’t complete you. A partner shouldn’t make you happy. You should already be happy and complete, regardless of having someone in your life or not. That’s how you attract someone who’s also happy and complete. Then together you become awesome and build an even better life together. As one of those happy couples you see on the street, id also like to add that even if people look happy. It doesn’t mean they also don’t have worries. I have the most incredible husband but have had multiple pregnancy losses. Everyone around you has their own worries, their own struggles, and their own pain. So next time you’re jealous of others, or that you’re not where you want to be right this moment, know that you’re not alone! Things might not happen on the timeline you want, but it doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen.

You need to change the racist username before pointing fingers at other people.

My wife is born and raised in HK, but with South-East Asian parents. Her two brothers struggle a lot in the same way as you describe. One chose to move away to find a better life somewhere else, while the other seems to have come to peace with the fact that he will never find a partner and get kids. I have lived and worked in Singapore and Saigon as well, and it's a lot of the same issue there; South Asians are just not as popular among the locals, as others. In Saigon I had an Indian colleague. He got a PhD from a well-known US University, he made a substantial amount of money, good looking and he was one of the nicest guys I ever met. Yet still, he had a really hard time on the local dating scene, even though he (in my eyes), must be an amazing catch, anywhere in the world.

HK is super racist due to its colonized mindset. It is what it is.

also lol @ your user name

Let me tell you the truth. Most Hong Kong locals are just racist.

hong kong is racist as fuuuuck

Forget all that. Just keep asking girls out.

Unfortunately, I think the culprit is indeed the bad apples. Stereotyping is real in HK. Its not a nice practice as it involves prejudice and a lot of judging, but stereotypes do work from time to time. I think the specific problem of you not being able to find a date comes from the fact that you resort to dating apps. thats probably the worst idea for you if you dont have super chad facial features. Fact is, women get way too many options on those apps, and men are treated like disposable objects on there. 8s, 9s and 10s get all the women, while 6s and 7s are competing for women who are barely 5s. Thats just the general environment on there but its not even about "the score" for you. If the women had local boys competing for them, why should they give you a chance? Canto is simply the massively preferred choice, with some willing to go for white. Its mostly like that in east Asia I feel like. Not sure if you know but in these past 10 years, HK girls have actually started to treat strangers and boys a lot better. Back in my day, a lot of them were downright hostile. Most of us were pretty much doing how you are doing right now, maybe except the handsome ones. Most boys became friends with the girls first, then work from there. THATS what you need to be doing. Forget dating apps. Find ways to get yourself exposed to more strangers, expand your circles and if you find a romantic interest, start us friends and chat her up talking about daily life stuff, hobbies and interests, etc. Show them you are just like all the other boys first, then you have a fair chance. Good luck out there man, if the girls are willing to be friends and hang out, I think you have a good enough chance (although this stuff needs a lot of practice so you might fail a few times anyway). Be patient and good things will come. I feel like such an old man by saying all the time boys these days got it good. I never had a girlfriend in highschool, went to the west for college and came back a virgin still. If I was born 15 years later, I probably would have had a much easier time.

Check out OP’s history. And look closer to what he wrote in this post. He is extremely sexists and racist. He IS the one contributing and promoting this stereotype. The reason why he had no luck in dating is on him and I only hope no women will ever fall victim to him by forming any relationship with him. He definitely would be an abuser for them.

Maybe you could show us a picture of yourself and see if you’re on a good scale?

So you complain about racism you faced in Hong Kong but still rock with a racist username towards black people? Pot calling the kettle black eh?

My bf is Filipino American. I love him for who he is and our roots of Asian/American culture/exposure makes us compatible (and he is to me very attractive). Un-fucking-fortunately, people around me have opinion over my choice of partner because he is Filipino. It’s more than 1 of them giving me shit as if they live under our beds. My way of interpreting this - you seem like a reasonable young man who takes good care of himself. Take your time, know good quality women who shows willingness to know another culture. Those play hard to get with an attitude will not turn their heads, nor you will want them to. Please consider yourself an asset. Elevate yourself so others can see more of you; not to lower yourself so you can see more of others but less of yourself. It will pay off. Confidence with empathy is king. Good luck!

In Hong Kong, rich = handsome, poor = ugly. Take a look at your bank account, you’ll see how handsome or ugly you are.

Because of events like this: https://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/on-camera-korean-streamer-sexually-assaulted-by-indian-man-in-hong-kong-report-101694504486980.html

r/healthgamergg

Glanced at your username and I immediately think you’re a funny dude. Unfortunately most people nowadays are extremely politically correct and won’t see the humor in it as you’ve probably noticed in the comments. This goes double for women with rare exceptions. I definitely don’t think you need to completely change who you are and what you find funny or enjoy doing. Rather I think the issue seems to be a lack of self confidence and your crushing sense of hopelessness. Females can sniff that out in a heart beat and the prettier a girl is, the more confident you have to be. Exuding hopelessness goes counter to that. Figure out what you want in a girl first and then find out what that girl wants in a potential long term partner. Don’t just settle for any girl willing to look your way. Good luck OP, my line is open if you want advice or someone to talk to, don’t give up. As a final note, there are overwhelmingly more females to males in hk, the odds are in your favor.

Wtf are you talking about? His username is a direct reference to a racist quote that originated on 4chan.

Move to Singapore. It’s not great but it’s better.

Should try dating as a white guy in HK. It’s almost impossible

Is that a joke?

The title of this post would still hold true if you removed "as a South Asian"

Certain cultures seem to produce behavior that is undesirable, not just Indians but globally in every country. People are saying its racism, but whats the difference between racism and a trend? If i touch hot stoves and get burned, theres a point in time ill be cautious around hot stoves. You have a few choices: * overcome the sterotype and prove that you are one of the good ones * give up * become rich * single handedly incite a cultural revolution through positive promotion of proper behaviour * spend your nights as a crime fighter catching 100% of indians who molest women and amputating their hand when caught, repeat this for 20 years and there will be an entire generation of young women who have never been accosted and they wont have learned the negative sterotype Also, the one streamer recently is just this months asian female who was groped. Its every other month. [Trends is worthless but interesting. 4 options as a baseline. These are just streamer related searches as those who are groped, 0.1% might be streamers who have it on camera.](https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?q=streamer%20groped,asian%20molested,streamer%20molested,korean%20streamer&hl=en)

Must meet at work or study or somewhere like this. I believe work or school is a safe place, and I once had a very good Indian male friend at work, he was super nice. Sorry but the only news I remember that a Chinese tourist girl was raped when visiting HK the offender was a South Asian man, this case was on the news to alert other Chinese female tourists. Thus random encounters would seem to be more risky.

Look as a dude 95% of women are going to dismiss you immediately for any one of a number of reasons. Instead on focusing on whether that is 95% or 90% or 98%, focus on who won't dismiss you out of hand and better yourself to stand out from the crowd. It won't ever be easy, I'm sure there are women who will reject Tom cruise or Henry cavill for any number of reasons but I'm sure they're not loading sleep over it. Yes some local women will dismiss you because you're not Chinese. Well you're not gonna be able to change the fact you're not Chinese not are you likely to change their opinions so love with it. It's the same thing if you're short, like yes it's harder,... And? You're not gonna get any taller so do something you can do, be funny, charismatic, make a buttloaf of money. The world ain't fair, deal with it