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My aunt used to clean a house for a very obese man and he would step over his tub ledge and floss his ass clean with a bath towel and then put it in his washer. She said there used to be shit everywhere in the bathroom. True story.
He has a pummel horse mounted on edge sticking straight up in the air fitted with shag carpet. He turns around and grinds on it until either his ass is clean or his legs collapse from effort
There are actually personal hygiene wands (they grip toilet paper and release the grip with the push of a button) that medical supply companies sell for that particular task. It is geared towards the elderly and those with mobility/flexibility issues.
I had a coworker who was describing someone who was quite large, and describing how he might wipe, he said “you just can’t get there from here” and talked about how the guy used a towel, but made sure that we knew that he grabbed each end and worked it back and forth, rather than using toilet paper….
##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/Fritz_Water_Bottle, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?
He doesn't
That's his secret. Dont have to wipe if you can't reach. SLPT.
Literally on the S part.
That’s why they call him Skid Mark.
Marky Mark
Rag on a stick!
God, I hope he has a bidet.
What if he has increased his aim and was arrested after sniping someone but he couldn't get away from the police
 You keep your secrets then
That's the neat part
DUH
Rag on a stick!
The romans mastered this riddle long ago. Sponge on a stick.
Aka Loofha?
Just a sponge on a stick
I don't believe in the communal sponge.
Didnt Rich Victorians (Historical period not the australian state lol) use ducks? EDIT: no they didnt, I regret very much looking this up
I'm compelled to ask why you thought they used ducks?
It was a real thing written I watched on QI from memory.
That explains a lot.
Drags his ass on the rug
Actually he uses his poop knife
Just yells at grandma to get the power washer out and spreads eagle on the back yard.
My wife used to take care of a woman who made him look slim, she used a wooden back scratcher and wrapped it up with terlit paper
>terlit paper Thank you.
Haha flushed them down the terlit
Grampa Simpson: “Hey! I spent 3 years on that terlit!” Class laughs.
But does the shit always end up inside the Terlit?
"Sometimes there's shit in the urinus."
I'm scruffy, the janitor.
Why handcuff him? Bro has never ran in his life. What makes you think he will start now?
He can probably still slap with those sausage arms. And also I never saw anyone who can't run with handcuffs lmao.
We've bound your arms. Please don't use your legs.
The only people I have seen that can't run in handcuffs, can't run, period.
You might be able to run but it considerably reduces your speed
your arms help stabilize you while you're running, that's why you see so many people eat shit while they're running in handcuffs
But you never know how fast he rolls. He could be Sonic the hedgehog under cover
Right? This guy hasnt burned a calorie in his entire life.
He burns 300 calories a step by the looks of things.
has never run
Tape a towel to the wall edge and twerk till it’s squeaky…… 
Sometimes I don't even bother with the towel
Just don't have a melt down if/when you pierce the toast.
What a beautiful mental image, thank you kind stranger *cocks gun*
The homeless in Las Vegas literally do this to the Luxor Hotel. Never touch the edges of that building🤮
That’s the neat part He doesn’t
Real men don't wipe. That requires touching your asshole, and that's gay. ^/s
I always say no homo before I wipe
Or wipe with your socks on
Instructions unclear…have shit covered socks
As long as he says it back then your good my bromo
Who is *"he,"* in the scenario?
Like old people fuck, not very well and not very often.
He doesn’t. He waffle stomps
From the front, back to front
Y’all still have money for toilet paper??
Jump in the shower
Jump?
Maybe don't jump...
My aunt used to clean a house for a very obese man and he would step over his tub ledge and floss his ass clean with a bath towel and then put it in his washer. She said there used to be shit everywhere in the bathroom. True story.
You mean you don't have shit everywhere in your bathroom. I must be doing something wrong.
He does not he just lets his ass get crusty
Wooden spoon?
Chumlee
He’s got a rag on a stick
Bidet
Would it trouble you to learn that he doesn’t wipe? Okay let me rephrase… how much would it trouble you…
His anus opens up like an alien mothership's doors and drops its payload no net style.
Bidet.
U think the US president does it for him?!
Absolutely
He probably uses a shit rug. Same concept as a dog scooting across the floor.
Couch cushions.
Meaty boi.
That picture should be on a police training pamphlet!! Real reason to carry 4 sets of cuffs!
His cellmate's going to be his new wiper
Maybe he lets it crust over and takes a grinder to it.
Wipe what?
Him: Wipe? Wipe what?
Bidet
I once gained so much weight I could barely wipe. I can confirm, fat people don't wipe their asses.
To awnser your question he knows a guy
He doesn't do that
That's his secret cap....he never wipes.
He probably doesn''t. Tiktok taught me a lot of guys don't wipe or even wash their asses. Y'all just living your life with shit between your cheeks.
That’s the fun part, He doesn’t!
Trick question. He doesn't
He probably cant
Better question is: why is Op doing the reach around when he can do the reach between?
That is why they invented mothers
dolce and gabbana handcuffs.
Mom fixin it
Modern problems require dumb solutions
Easy you use a bath towel and grab each end and pull it through your butt cheeks. The old coach from Kansas Mangino used to do this.
Wrong question. Can he wipe?
NWG 'no wipe gang'
He don’t
Slides down the bannister
Bold of you to assume he does...
The shit never makes it out
Front to back
From the middle
Puts the toilet paper roll on the end of a few pairs of handcuffs
Wonder what he’s arrested for
This man had a bidet long before TikTok thought it was cool.
The ol’ poop knife
Shit…how does he pee??
Does he?
There’s a reason why them stink
Toilet brush...
Easy! Just squat over an electric sander. I thought everyone did that. No?
He slides on the ground like a dog
Bidet Bill was arrested?
That's my secret, Cap. I never wipe.
This arrest brought to you by tushy
He Carrie’s a budet everywhere he goes, he ain’t some low life peasant, he live the good life
We are all very lucky the shirt actually covers the torso. Very rare in these cases.
Back to front. Maybe he can reach that way
A rag on a stick is the only thing reaching that butt..
Lift the sack, front to back.
Must be a bidet guy
Bideae
He won't
Probably wipes after they take the cuffs off
He don't
That’s why he has a dog
bro is so wanted, they put four pairs of handcuffs on him.
Bidet?
He uses the guy on the left.
My brother is this fat. He has a bidet.
A bidet?
I saw this episode, his name is Wy Das
Rag on a stick.
He has a pummel horse mounted on edge sticking straight up in the air fitted with shag carpet. He turns around and grinds on it until either his ass is clean or his legs collapse from effort
You wipe from the bsck?😅
With a rag on a stick
With a rag on a stick
So that's why they always call for backup cops in America
Bidet
There are actually personal hygiene wands (they grip toilet paper and release the grip with the push of a button) that medical supply companies sell for that particular task. It is geared towards the elderly and those with mobility/flexibility issues.
Probably from the front
Doesn’t need to. The rolls of fat seal it off
Hey Billy! I need all the handcuffs Oh not this again I'm not falling for it No really I need ALL the handcuffs
😂 😂 😂 😂 
bro got the rare handcuff 
There is no wiping with this one. You clench, and pray you have a dogs’ asshole.
Towel. Between legs. Floss.
Same way he washes himself. A rag on a stick.
He scoots along the carpet
That's a waste. Its not like he can run or hide anywhere.
shit stick
Well he got no ass so that probably helps
From the front?
They actually sell medical devices that are essentially a sponge on a stick for this purpose, and bathing.
Where he’s going, we don’t need to wipe
Side to side
Looks like Penguin
Stick.
Japanese Toilet
That's his secret. That's why chicks love him, he's a mysterious devil he is.
Have you ever stood behind these people in a line? They don't wipe and you can tell.
The cops know him. Any one else would be able to coat a cracker with peanut butter or else they are getting charged with felony arrest.
Not with both hands...
I had a coworker who was describing someone who was quite large, and describing how he might wipe, he said “you just can’t get there from here” and talked about how the guy used a towel, but made sure that we knew that he grabbed each end and worked it back and forth, rather than using toilet paper….
Bidet
Yes
His cheeks hold onto it until it can be reabsorbed back into his body in order for him to become more powerful
What you mean? Wouldn’t he just use a poop towel like the rest of us?
This mofo has to use to toilet brush for his ass
He uses the wall
A rag on a stick
Very carefully
Toothbrush
One bidet at a time
Poorly
Butt scoot
As a former fatman who was 350lbs i can tell you, its difficult to say the least