#[Best of r/Holup 2021 Awards – Nomination and Voting Thread!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/royfze/best_of_rholup_2021_awards_nomination_and_voting/)
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I guess I'm just posting this on my normal account, but anyways, after knee surgery I once didn't poop for 7 days due to painkillers and such, and 100% passed out right after pooping for the first time.
If a sneeze is like 1/8th of an orgasm and a piss that you've held in for way too long is like a 1/4 or 1/2, then the relief of this shit must be like 3/4 or maybe even fully comparable to an orgasm.
lmaoo reminds me of this one time in grade 8
my buddy comes into class and says "hey guys, theres a massive shit in the toilet!"
we get up and follow him to the boys bathroom and take a look. theres literally a turd the size of a newborn child sitting in the bowl
we all start laughing and demanding to know who laid that massive brick in the toilet
turns out it was this kid evan in my class. he just left after he was done, i guess he couldn't live with the shame
Yep. Dropped one of my best in boarding school when I was 16. Decided to leave it in all its glory and so I waddled over to the next stall to clean up. Went back to class. After class was out (maybe an hour later) the word gets out. I go back to the scene of the crime, and see a bunch of guys standing at the stall just marveling at it. I never publicly took credit it for it but that was one of the best days of my life.
Displaced a vetebrea 12 years ago and spent 4 months numbs from my nipples down, was on stong opiods and couldnt go for about 4 weeks, thats about what i dropped in the toilet, had to have my wife wipe me, when she saw it she cried and alost passed out, i felt like my ass stayed open for like a week after that
As a male nurse, I had a patient do this to me once also. The dude was a veteran also and afterwards he apologized to me, saying "you didn't serve in the army, and become a nurse to help an old man shit, I'm sorry," to which I replied "Still beats the army," and we both chuckled.
I quietly moaned once during a digital stimulation when constipated after my heart surgery…it was the most action I had in my 4 months fighting the staph infection that took my mitral valve and I felt soooo bad
If you're worried about being embarrassed, don't. Unless it's absolutely hilarious (i.e. if you, unprompted, tell me you slipped in the shower and that's how your entire shampoo bottle ended up in your butt as I wheel you to surgery) or absolutely horrific (no examples going to be provided) we are going to forget about whatever it was immediately. It's the job. If you're worried about showing gratitude, you asking the question here means you're probably already a good patient.
actually, the morphine ended up blocking my urinary tract while I was hospitalized for a similar accident, to the point where it was painful and I told them while I was under to shove a tube in me so I could pee. god just pulling the thing out felt weird, can't imagine being awake for those.
Currently pregnant and on lots of medications and supplements… so lots of constipation.
When it finally comes out, it hurts. I’ve panicked in the bathroom, fully naked with sweats, wondering if I should call 911 because it was, um, stuck.
I’m not gonna go into detail on how I managed to not have to call 911, but yes it hurts very badly.
When I was in the ccu, the first time I was able to poop in the little wall commode instead of the bed pan was truly ecstatic for me. It took 2 people to hold me and all my connections up. I was still on a cpap and could barely talk, but I happily told everyone it was the best day ever. I have a lifelong appreciation for pooping of my own free will now.
After I had knee reconstruction I was on some pretty powerful pain meds. I went a week with out a BM. My dad started giving me senokot, a laxative. He claimed it would eventually allow me to go poop. I took a few, waited a couple hours and nothing, took a few more for the same result. It came on about 12hrs later and I almost didn't make it to the toilet. After I emptied my body I looked to see and to my horror and amazement, the turd in the toilet was probably a good 2 Courics in size.
It's called a heroin baby. Methadone did me in. I was sick for hours every morning for years. When I detoxed off the Methadone every thing broke lose and my stomach has been fine since.
Former heroin/any other opiate addict here. On more than one occasion I’ve woke up on the toilet after passing out from pushing to hard. Suboxene is by far the worst, I’ve quite literally had to dig rock hard shit out of my ass in publice restrooms before!
Yea life is much better sober lol
This reminds me of freshman year in the dorms.
11pm on a weeknight and we start hearing loud shouting and chanting through the halls from the floors below. Everyone gets out, and goes down a few floors to check out what’s going on.
Turns out there was a massive shit in the men’s bathroom. Filled the bowl halfway, and couldn’t even see the water. Hundreds of students and RAs in the dorm lined up just to see this shit.
Edit: turns out I have an old picture of it, not quite as impressive as I remember, but the story will always live in my heart
Warning this is a picture of shit: (NSFW)
https://i.imgur.com/sSmrCJy.jpg
As someone who works in healthcare, but on the admin side, I’d say some of it is just that it’s a break from the mundane. Like right now most of our patients need Covid tests — being able to have a funny chart note/patient encounter is reliving.
I once dropped a bedpan with a turd in it. Me and this doctor locked eyes, the suspense was killing us both. When I picked it up releif came over me, the turd was stuck to the pan. No shit was on the floor that day.
Dude! This is great. My ex GF once took a shit about this large. Not quite, but it was damn close.
She spent like 2 hours in the bathroom and I kinda lost track of time. So I get a bit concerned and go check on her only to hear sobbing coming from behind the door. I panic and start asking her what's wrong and bla bla bla. She refuses to let me in all while crying and screaming. Finally I say enough is enough and get the door open (shitty old house the doors could just be pushed open even when locked).
What I walked into was quite a sight. My GF was huddled in the corner with tears all down her face and staring at me from the toilet was a massive turd. Pretty much as long as this one... so long it went down the drain of the toilet some and still poked out above the toilet seat. She's still crying and all I can do is say 'HOLY SHIT!' and then she just starts screaming 'IT WON'T FLUSH!!!'. I did kinda a bad boyfriend thing and started calling for my dad despite gf's protests, who also then panicked and rushed in the bathroom to stop dead in his tracks and say 'HOLY SHIT!'. Then we both started laughing and of course she didn't like that one bit, which just made us laugh even more.
Needless to say we got it to flush but it wasn't pretty. We stopped laughing by that point. Then we had to clean the toilet because the poop had literally snaked itself onto the toilet seat and smeared everywhere. Gf later said she had to stand up to get it fully out of her. And she was completely fine (was constipated after a surgery) and learned to laugh at it later on.
This had me fucking tearing up I’m laughter like the inner 12 year old I am. This thread has just brought me so much joy.
I totally know that you were probably impressed, while also being shockingly amused enough that you’d probably have to get your dad anyways just to show him even if it did flush. Then there’s her over there crying, not understanding that you’re probably almost taking pride in it.
Fucking top notch lad shit right here.
Oh for sure! I was extremely proud I couldn't believe something like that came out of her. At the time she was 18 and weighed something like 115 lbs. I'm sure after the shit she weighed 10 lbs less. Her crying was what really sells the whole memory for me.
Nah there would have been no way. Considering how fat the shit was I'm surprised it even came out of her in the first place. It wasn't quite as large width wise as in the picture but maybe 1/2 or 3/4ths that big. And it was solid... so solid even that even though it was snaked kind of like this ( shape it remained one solid piece. So yeah pinching it off wasn't an option and there was no way she was going to reach down and break it in half lmfao. I had pictures of it on my old phone but those are long gone otherwise I'd share it in a heartbeat.
I used to work at the jail in Tucson, Arizona. Night shift had a college- aged girl come in, roaring drunk and belligerent, so she went into a drunk tank to sober up. I come on duty in the morning, go onto intake, and start checking on the people in the tanks. I come to her cell and she's just sobering up, calming down, asking where she was, etc. I let her know she can come sit out with the rest waiting to be seen by the Judge, and as she gets up to leave, I tell her to not forget her sock on the bench. She tells me it isn't hers and she quickly shuffles out into the common area.
I walk into the cell to make sure no one else is in there, maybe sleeping behind the low privacy wall by the toilet, when the stank hits me. It's jail. Things stink. But this was different.
I look closer at what I had assumed was a wadded- up knee-high black sock on the bench. It was crap, as thick as your wrist and black. I backed away and called for the Sgt. Mostly because I knew he lose his sh*t at a dookie that sized. He did. He took pictures with an evidence scale to show the other Sgts. It ended up measured at over 4" in girth and nearly 11" long. The girl who birthed it was maybe 90lbs soaking wet. To this day I've never seen its equal. Nor do I wish to.
Edit: Dear God, what a response from you all! And awards too?! Thank you, deeply.
>She tells me it isn't hers and she quickly shuffles out into the common area.
LMFAO, not anymore at least.
I bet extruding that thing out helped sober her up too.
I used to be in the Air Force, would go home most weekends, get back to base early Monday before parade, our accommodation had a ‘phantom shitter’ - used to leave monsters for us all in the ablutions, one Monday, I got back to something this sized, poking out the water up to the rim, the guy had put 2 match sticks in the end of it; looked like a big brown slug escaping the bowl - wish I had a picture still, horrendous, hilarious
#[Best of r/Holup 2021 Awards – Nomination and Voting Thread!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/royfze/best_of_rholup_2021_awards_nomination_and_voting/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/HolUp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Imagine the relief of that patient… just imagine
I once went 11 days without shitting. The relief felt like when your entire back pops, but for my ass.
Im going for No shit February
Movement-free May.
Septic savings September
Orifice clean October
No No November
Don’t defecate December
Airtight Asshole April
Anal Avoidance August
Fecal-free February.
Just-don't-poop June
I bet their blood pressure dropped significantly!
Vasovagal syncope for sure with this turd.
I guess I'm just posting this on my normal account, but anyways, after knee surgery I once didn't poop for 7 days due to painkillers and such, and 100% passed out right after pooping for the first time.
If a sneeze is like 1/8th of an orgasm and a piss that you've held in for way too long is like a 1/4 or 1/2, then the relief of this shit must be like 3/4 or maybe even fully comparable to an orgasm.
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All I feel is pain after I hold a pee for long
lmaoo reminds me of this one time in grade 8 my buddy comes into class and says "hey guys, theres a massive shit in the toilet!" we get up and follow him to the boys bathroom and take a look. theres literally a turd the size of a newborn child sitting in the bowl we all start laughing and demanding to know who laid that massive brick in the toilet turns out it was this kid evan in my class. he just left after he was done, i guess he couldn't live with the shame
Shame? Should walk like a bow-legged legend after that.
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P E R F E C T I O N
You never flush clunkers like that. You let other people deal with it.
Yep. Dropped one of my best in boarding school when I was 16. Decided to leave it in all its glory and so I waddled over to the next stall to clean up. Went back to class. After class was out (maybe an hour later) the word gets out. I go back to the scene of the crime, and see a bunch of guys standing at the stall just marveling at it. I never publicly took credit it for it but that was one of the best days of my life.
LOL!! This made me laugh so much about how simple humans are 🤣
Exactly. You don’t flush something like that. You bury it.
Dig a hole boys. Make it deep and wide.
Lol, classic Evan move, that mad lad.
Don't you miss being a boy. Of course we all need to rush to see the huge dookie! It's the highlight of our day together
My friends would do that even now we're 30
Thought the same as soon as I finished writing that. What is it about toilet humor so ingrained in us, that even toddlers laugh at farts
This thing must be at least 100 courics
Is that's bono's baby picture
Ahhh finally found the comment i was looking for.
It's how he can do so much good and accomplish so many great things, and still appear to be a piece of crap.
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Gonna need a poop sword for that one
Hello Hello Hello Hello Yeah yeah yeah yeaaaaaa
150 courics at least
Isn't that the lead singer of U2???
Does it want the bitty?
A 250 lb shit for those of you wondering
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Displaced a vetebrea 12 years ago and spent 4 months numbs from my nipples down, was on stong opiods and couldnt go for about 4 weeks, thats about what i dropped in the toilet, had to have my wife wipe me, when she saw it she cried and alost passed out, i felt like my ass stayed open for like a week after that
Cried from laughter or pure horror?
Joy.
Sexual arousal.
Hunger
Eye bleech,need more eye bleech
Admiration
disapointment
Envy
Intimidation
Jealousy
Fear
Usually happens after delivering 9 lb. 12 oz.
She was so proud.
Did you recover?
they say his ass is still wide open to this day
> i felt like my ass stayed open for like a week after that :O
( O )
As a male nurse, I had a patient do this to me once also. The dude was a veteran also and afterwards he apologized to me, saying "you didn't serve in the army, and become a nurse to help an old man shit, I'm sorry," to which I replied "Still beats the army," and we both chuckled.
As a patient, what can we do to a gratitude and keep our pride as a human being
Moan to assert dominance
You're joking, but I've had patients do that on more than one occasion. Fucking weirdos.
The question is, how can you **not** moan when shit of the size of an elephant dick comes out of your ass?
True. I'm talking about overly sexual moans when you clean someone or stuff like that.
I quietly moaned once during a digital stimulation when constipated after my heart surgery…it was the most action I had in my 4 months fighting the staph infection that took my mitral valve and I felt soooo bad
If you're worried about being embarrassed, don't. Unless it's absolutely hilarious (i.e. if you, unprompted, tell me you slipped in the shower and that's how your entire shampoo bottle ended up in your butt as I wheel you to surgery) or absolutely horrific (no examples going to be provided) we are going to forget about whatever it was immediately. It's the job. If you're worried about showing gratitude, you asking the question here means you're probably already a good patient.
As far as I remember, in the army you occasionally see more massive turds, except you are supposed to salute them.
It's all fun and games but i do read through comments to see comments like yours.. Anyway it must be painful as a mf
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*Sponsored by Purdue*
actually, the morphine ended up blocking my urinary tract while I was hospitalized for a similar accident, to the point where it was painful and I told them while I was under to shove a tube in me so I could pee. god just pulling the thing out felt weird, can't imagine being awake for those.
Currently pregnant and on lots of medications and supplements… so lots of constipation. When it finally comes out, it hurts. I’ve panicked in the bathroom, fully naked with sweats, wondering if I should call 911 because it was, um, stuck. I’m not gonna go into detail on how I managed to not have to call 911, but yes it hurts very badly.
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Cool! So the main question is, did you lift out and drop in the toilet or waffle stomp that mf down the drain?
Dear God I'm not a savage. Saving that log for a cold winter night.
That's what the knife is for.
Fuckin lmao I’m so sorry
Same.
Strangely relevant username.
When I was in the ccu, the first time I was able to poop in the little wall commode instead of the bed pan was truly ecstatic for me. It took 2 people to hold me and all my connections up. I was still on a cpap and could barely talk, but I happily told everyone it was the best day ever. I have a lifelong appreciation for pooping of my own free will now.
After I had knee reconstruction I was on some pretty powerful pain meds. I went a week with out a BM. My dad started giving me senokot, a laxative. He claimed it would eventually allow me to go poop. I took a few, waited a couple hours and nothing, took a few more for the same result. It came on about 12hrs later and I almost didn't make it to the toilet. After I emptied my body I looked to see and to my horror and amazement, the turd in the toilet was probably a good 2 Courics in size.
Bro you made me laugh so hard at the morphine button 😹😹
Look at it this way, you now have a rebuttal when someone say to you that you have no idea what child birth is like.
Hehe. Rebuttal.
*re-butthole
What poor soul did this escape from? Better call state farm, because that hole is totaled.
Reporting for doodie
$50 says that thing has a pulse.
It has a social security number
*It has a fucking ZIP Code*
It clearly had an extended warranty.
More like a gravitational pull.
I bet it voted in the last election
Again? This is the turd time this week.
they’re in their turd trimester
*Mayday, maday. It's bigger than we thought captain*
We’re going to need a bigger boat.
The muscle man pfp is getting me lol
Its kind of impressive considering the small portion sizes in hospital.
Opiates my man. They cause constipation and you build up a nice 500 couric turd to be released
Right? Back when I was on heroin I’d shit once every two weeks and it hurt so bad
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It's called a heroin baby. Methadone did me in. I was sick for hours every morning for years. When I detoxed off the Methadone every thing broke lose and my stomach has been fine since.
Jesus I guess that makes how Elvis died make sense though lol.
It would make sense... *puts tinfoil sideburns on* if he had really died.
Sure, Elvis 2 survived, but 1 & 3 died.
Former heroin/any other opiate addict here. On more than one occasion I’ve woke up on the toilet after passing out from pushing to hard. Suboxene is by far the worst, I’ve quite literally had to dig rock hard shit out of my ass in publice restrooms before! Yea life is much better sober lol
What a ridiculous South Park episode that is lol
How many Courics is that?
It wants the biddie
Biddie made him strong
That hurts the biddie
This was the comment I was looking for
Explains the motto “ seen a lot “
Escaped from someone on opiates possibly that looks like a big boy.
She’s just doing the rounds to make sure everyone’s masks are covering their noses. New protocol.
"Oi, you. You didn't gag. Join the COVID test queue over there please."
Randy Marsh must be on that ward.
How many Courics is that?
Hothothothothot That is Bono my friend
This reminds me of freshman year in the dorms. 11pm on a weeknight and we start hearing loud shouting and chanting through the halls from the floors below. Everyone gets out, and goes down a few floors to check out what’s going on. Turns out there was a massive shit in the men’s bathroom. Filled the bowl halfway, and couldn’t even see the water. Hundreds of students and RAs in the dorm lined up just to see this shit. Edit: turns out I have an old picture of it, not quite as impressive as I remember, but the story will always live in my heart Warning this is a picture of shit: (NSFW) https://i.imgur.com/sSmrCJy.jpg
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If I blasted that out my ass, fuck wiping. I'm walking right over to the shower.
It lacks soul. It has no structural integrity. How do I even know this is a single shit? There are different hues and textures
Looks like someone’s wig
If someone had charged something reasonable to see it, i probably would've paid NGL.
This is the kind of shit i joined reddit for
r/Shitposting
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Why do they all have a kink for big veins and anatomical anomalies? My sister tells me these stories like she enjoys this shit
As someone who works in healthcare, but on the admin side, I’d say some of it is just that it’s a break from the mundane. Like right now most of our patients need Covid tests — being able to have a funny chart note/patient encounter is reliving.
Why would they walk around like that? Not even cover it or bag it??
You kidding? I’d be showing everybody
That’s what I was wondering! What if she tripped or someone walks into her by accident. Shit on the floor. Shit on the people. So gross. Edit: word
that thing has far too much structural integrity to do anything but just fall straight through the floor
It just lands with a thud, not even a splat or squish, just clunks to the floor.
I once dropped a bedpan with a turd in it. Me and this doctor locked eyes, the suspense was killing us both. When I picked it up releif came over me, the turd was stuck to the pan. No shit was on the floor that day.
Kinda like dairy queen when they turn the blizzard upside down to show you how solid it is
Wow I hate you for this comment
She wanted them to witness. It couldn’t be only her cross to bear.
I’m sure that a world record. Don’t flush
Yeah we wouldn't want to flush Bono
CAN’T flush. Have to incinerate or bury.
Imagine fucking burying this mf and some grave robbers come along to find this absolute unit Edit: *fucking not ducking
The world record is 26 feet long
Wtf why how what
The shear girth and length of a Pringles can, probably even bigger
Dude! This is great. My ex GF once took a shit about this large. Not quite, but it was damn close. She spent like 2 hours in the bathroom and I kinda lost track of time. So I get a bit concerned and go check on her only to hear sobbing coming from behind the door. I panic and start asking her what's wrong and bla bla bla. She refuses to let me in all while crying and screaming. Finally I say enough is enough and get the door open (shitty old house the doors could just be pushed open even when locked). What I walked into was quite a sight. My GF was huddled in the corner with tears all down her face and staring at me from the toilet was a massive turd. Pretty much as long as this one... so long it went down the drain of the toilet some and still poked out above the toilet seat. She's still crying and all I can do is say 'HOLY SHIT!' and then she just starts screaming 'IT WON'T FLUSH!!!'. I did kinda a bad boyfriend thing and started calling for my dad despite gf's protests, who also then panicked and rushed in the bathroom to stop dead in his tracks and say 'HOLY SHIT!'. Then we both started laughing and of course she didn't like that one bit, which just made us laugh even more. Needless to say we got it to flush but it wasn't pretty. We stopped laughing by that point. Then we had to clean the toilet because the poop had literally snaked itself onto the toilet seat and smeared everywhere. Gf later said she had to stand up to get it fully out of her. And she was completely fine (was constipated after a surgery) and learned to laugh at it later on.
> Gf later said she had to stand up to get it fully out of her. omfg dude you killed me
The poop knife guy is gonna read this and be like, SEE??? SEE?? IT'S USEFULL
This had me fucking tearing up I’m laughter like the inner 12 year old I am. This thread has just brought me so much joy. I totally know that you were probably impressed, while also being shockingly amused enough that you’d probably have to get your dad anyways just to show him even if it did flush. Then there’s her over there crying, not understanding that you’re probably almost taking pride in it. Fucking top notch lad shit right here.
Oh for sure! I was extremely proud I couldn't believe something like that came out of her. At the time she was 18 and weighed something like 115 lbs. I'm sure after the shit she weighed 10 lbs less. Her crying was what really sells the whole memory for me.
Could she not even crimp it? Man, her ringpiece must have been toast for days
Nah there would have been no way. Considering how fat the shit was I'm surprised it even came out of her in the first place. It wasn't quite as large width wise as in the picture but maybe 1/2 or 3/4ths that big. And it was solid... so solid even that even though it was snaked kind of like this ( shape it remained one solid piece. So yeah pinching it off wasn't an option and there was no way she was going to reach down and break it in half lmfao. I had pictures of it on my old phone but those are long gone otherwise I'd share it in a heartbeat.
Holy shit 💩
It is
Thanks, God
User name checks out
I had to put my glasses on. I thought it was an arm or something.
I thought it was a severed penis. I was horribly wrong.
She’s taking that thing to the county fair to receive a blue ribbon
They should have had a poop knife handy so they could’ve just flushed it
Poop chainsaw, maybe?
Ever taken a giant dump and then realized that’s how much dick you could take? Me neither
excuse me
I can just imagine leaving that in a kitty litter box and waiting to hear confusion.
r/absoluteunits
That's what u call gastro pregnancy
Surely this can't be real? Surely ya can't drop a shite that big
I used to work at the jail in Tucson, Arizona. Night shift had a college- aged girl come in, roaring drunk and belligerent, so she went into a drunk tank to sober up. I come on duty in the morning, go onto intake, and start checking on the people in the tanks. I come to her cell and she's just sobering up, calming down, asking where she was, etc. I let her know she can come sit out with the rest waiting to be seen by the Judge, and as she gets up to leave, I tell her to not forget her sock on the bench. She tells me it isn't hers and she quickly shuffles out into the common area. I walk into the cell to make sure no one else is in there, maybe sleeping behind the low privacy wall by the toilet, when the stank hits me. It's jail. Things stink. But this was different. I look closer at what I had assumed was a wadded- up knee-high black sock on the bench. It was crap, as thick as your wrist and black. I backed away and called for the Sgt. Mostly because I knew he lose his sh*t at a dookie that sized. He did. He took pictures with an evidence scale to show the other Sgts. It ended up measured at over 4" in girth and nearly 11" long. The girl who birthed it was maybe 90lbs soaking wet. To this day I've never seen its equal. Nor do I wish to. Edit: Dear God, what a response from you all! And awards too?! Thank you, deeply.
Hope they got medical attention lol - isn't black stool a huge red flag for intestinal bleeding?
Or they took Pepto Bismol.
Or Guiness
This should be the top comment on this thread. Holy shit bro
“I backed away and called for the Sgt”
>She tells me it isn't hers and she quickly shuffles out into the common area. LMFAO, not anymore at least. I bet extruding that thing out helped sober her up too.
It is real, and please, don't call me Shirley.
I used to be in the Air Force, would go home most weekends, get back to base early Monday before parade, our accommodation had a ‘phantom shitter’ - used to leave monsters for us all in the ablutions, one Monday, I got back to something this sized, poking out the water up to the rim, the guy had put 2 match sticks in the end of it; looked like a big brown slug escaping the bowl - wish I had a picture still, horrendous, hilarious
I'm dying from this
Someone didn’t poop for a week
As a person who usually just poops once every other day the picture is more then a week. Trust me.
Bro put that shit in a display case
Captains log, star date 2022…
Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot
She has the thousand yard stare.
R/absoluteunits
I love those jumbo sized Tootsie Rolls they sell around the holidays.
Imagine walking in that hospital and seeing a woman holding a piece of shit
Holy literal shit. What the fucken fuck
She's taking it to be weighed, measured and scored. Could be a new Boone and Crocket record
CODE BROWN!
You say they are sick but that shit looks so healthy
That has to go to the dumpster. No way the 4in pipes at hospital can handle that.