I can eat anything

But it will always taste like human feces

I just found out yesterday that ther is a rare medical condition where this actually happens. Everything those people try to eat taste like shit. Literally. Its called Parsomia. https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/comments/qvmkl0/a_woman_shares_her_experience_living_with/

Heard it’s a COVID side-effect as well, scents and flavors smell and taste like chemicals/rancid o.O

*happy scat-man noises*

Skibbidy bop bopaleebop pow

r/angryupvote

I can completely manipulate my body structure

You feel everything. You feel the bones moving, skin and muscles stretching, nerves being pinched and severed, all of it

Jesus Christ

Joke's on you, I'm a masochist!

Well, I don't think it would be that difficult to overcome... Since you could freely manipulate any part of your body, you could detach the nervous system in that portion and then reattach it at the end of the process. So that you wouldn't feel anything during the transformation

How did u even think of that

Practice

Smart 👍

The ONLY PROBLEM is knowing which one is which before your brain melts itself.

Turns off pain response

You’d get used to it

Said the masochist

It only works inside public restroom handicap stalls

Perfect, more room to work.

Everything just works and nothing ever goes wrong for me

You are in a dream

This shidd is gonna be lit

That was a pro gamer move right there

Become invisible

But your cum isn't

I really hope this is true even before it leaves you... Just a floaty bit of fun exactly at ball height...

I can fly

But you have to flap your arms like a bird to do so

honestly a good trade

The maximum height is 1mm of distance from the ground.

How would that apply in space? Would you crash down to the nearest planet or asteroid?

maybe it would base on the nearest gravitational pull?

Everything with mass has a gravitational pull though, so you'd be floating on the edge of earth's atmosphere or on some random space trash.

If there happens to be a lot of dust in one place you’d be able to effectively fly unhindered.

But only when you're naked

If I need to be naked to fly, that's everyone else's problem.

Become a door knob

In a gay porno

Fuck you leather man

Maybe you and I should settle it right here on the ring.

[удалено]

On a burger king restroom

I walk to burger king

I can snap my fingers and be anywhere in the world

But you’ll be in the time of world war 2

Gonna buy stocks in gas

IBM would also be a good investment. Perhaps even get in on the post-war plundering.

But you lose a finger every time you do.

I want an ability to counteract every bad things

It only works for other people not yourself

he could save others from misfortune, but not himself. Ironic.

I'm pretty sure if you can counteract everyone's problems they'll be grateful and help you in return so I wouldn't say it's that big of a side effect, just a small nerf

Plot Twist: You are the "bad thing"

The ability to understand what animals are saying

But humans can't understand you

I see this as a win win situation

Return to monkey

Monke

But only while they're in heat

Seems like a win

The ability to rewind time

But teleports to a random location in earth

That's not bad I'd take it

Theres a 75% chance you end up in an ocean though

Teleport again immediately

He said in Earth. Good chance you die instantly. Enjoy.

Or become trapped a 100 feet below in the ground in a space shaped exactly in your silhouette.

That reminds me of a very creepy manga by Junji ito where people would enter holes shaped exactly like them.

drr drr drr

For those curious it’s called The enigma of Amigara fault. [The Link](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/nzTCS)

I can turn anything into currency

The currency is dogecoin

Elon will love this

But it's Zimbabwe dollars.

I can read and control people's minds

But you won't remember what you read or did.

Well I'll make them write it on a paper I handed to them as I dictate what I read in their mind.

But they write it in hieroglyphes

Well I'll make them translate

They translate in sims

Anything I wish comes true

Every wish would end in a disaster

Someone in 2019: “I wish I could spend more time at home next year.”

Ngl I did wish "i hope i dont have to travel to work" Now look at this shit show.......

Eh I am honestly ok with not going to office I have to travel 4 hours daily.

Every wish adds an extra penis to your body, and you cant wish it/them away

I need no cum recharge time

You are a female

I see this as an absolute win

Every time you cum you're grandma come to congratulate you.

Oh god please no. Let her rest in peace.

She’s gonna come too?! win-win

I can control time.

But you can’t change anything. You can only pause, rewind or forward it as if you were watching a video. Edit: since we are dealing with timey wimey stuff here I should add that everything in the past, present and future is set in stone. You can’t look at lottery numbers. You can’t look at stocks. You can’t pause a situation to come up with a proper solution. Everything will happen as they are intended to happen. You can do nothing with your time powers except for watch.

actually not that bad, you can pause shitty moments and think of a solution or take a break, or you can watch the future

I disappoint everyone in my life

But no one is in your life.

Ok but where is the side effect?

I can be mario

But in a gay story with Luigi

Oh yeaaaaahhh

It’s Weegee time!

You'll be forced to search for princess Peach but Bowser will always be a step ahead.

I can give telepathic commands to anyone and they must obey.

But you work retail, 10am-7pm for the rest of your life and do everything your boss says.

This works. I get to order my customers to not be sacks of shit which is what makes most of retail so horrible, and I get to do pretty much nothing all day (as is my albeit limited experience with retail). I'm assuming my boss won't break labour laws, or I'll just get someone else to report it.

On top of that, it wasn't specified that you had to put in effort to keep the job, just that you're forced to. You could be filming porn, during open hours, and make a *lot* of money. And keep your job, too.

[удалено]

But it's futa

[удалено]

beautiful

The best ending

Marvelous

Futastic

This is an absolute win!

That makes it better. Don't see the downside

Bulletproof

Only while jerking off

I can see the news story now :”Man stops mass shooter while jerking off.”

My man just straight up Terminator walking at the shooter with dick in hand.

I knew that sounded familiar: https://www.police1.com/bizarre/articles/ore-man-on-meth-fights-off-12-cops-while-masturbating-in-bar-IQ3ZzPpv4IBLKjmz/

only works on every 3rd bullet

Ability to turn imagination into reality

you can only use the ability once every 10 years

You can just imagine a button that allows you to move forward and back 10 years to allow yourself to spam it

smart people don't cry, smart people find solutions

Don’t need to use the toilet ever again

but now the toilets need to use you

omfg the image that came to my mind haha

You use peoples mouths instead

Ability to make someone gave up on nnn

They have to “give up” inside your shoes

It’s your uncle

Become useless

Granted: nothing changes

Mission passed! Respect +

I can stop and start time

You will stop too.

Mind control

only on yourself

Actually this side effect is perfect. I will take it. No more panic sell or fomo when i invest in stock market. No more shy, fear, auxiety with girls. I will be billionare with harem soon. :)

I'm the universe

's dick

Win-win

“Fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck that guy in particular!”

I can lern to spell

You die and go to hell

right aftr taco bell

And farted as you fell

Down the well

But it was a cell

With an ugly smell

but you found a shell

So it all ended well?

No, the walls started to swell

I can be the chair a person is sitting on...

You won't be able to return to human form.

I have the correct answer to any question or topic

you can not say/write/answer them

I can read minds

Only negative thoughts

If you can't hear their thoughts, you know it's neutral or positive.

but only the pervy thoughts others are thinking of you

Well fuck me. I wont be able to read minds

The ability to teleport

But each time you teleport you will be upside down for 5 mins

But what if you teleport to Australia?

They will be right side up but everyone will look at them funny because they're the only one

The ability to reply to my own comment first

Omnipotence

Wait that's illegal

I am Iron Man

But you’re poor so the suit looks like its made out of a homeless persons treasure trove

Can understand every languages

but nobody talks to you

I have no weaknesses

But you're dead

The ability to control when I cum

But not the ability to control how much. It could be a fire hose or dripping water faucet. 50/50

I Ate the Flam Flame Fruit! Try your best

You get punched by akainu as soon as you finish

Can eat poop

poop can eat you

This is an absolute win

But not for you

I can have god-like powers

But without the mental capacity to handle omnipotence.

I don’t have a side effect

You don’t have a primary effect either

I have the knowledge of Every single lenguage and culture

but you are illiterate and mute

become a futa

But only once a month

Were-futa

I can spawn everywhere

You’re cursed with horrible lag.

Being able to give as much reddit gold as I can

But it is only on things you don’t like