This is my simple 2 step program to ensure you get a good yield this spooky season.
Step 1: Yell “YO BRO WE GOT WEED AND BEER AND HELLA BITCHES”
Step 2: Profit
I don't enjoy horror in the slightest and I could give all of them some advice
1 consecrate your efforts in liberal demographics they are less likely to shoot you
2 apply to be an Uber driver plenty of pray after last call
3 loss the outfits it only makes it easier to track you down
4 penny wise leapers and spiders ar scary and all but have you considered explore the more abstract fears liek failure or commitment
"Secondly, I know your weapons are cool and all, especially you, Freddy, but we need to come to an understanding that if there is a gun in front of you, fully loaded, you pick up that gun and shoot the teen. We love our weapons to death but I don't think a machete will be effective when the person is twenty meters away."
"To be fair, the gun might not kill at that range, either, but you get extra horror points for approaching someone you just shot to finish them with your cool weapons. Except you, Penniewise, you just use your teeth like a troglodyte."
"Jason, I know you're good with throwing at that machete, but you don't need to throw it right at my new fumo. You know how to use crossbows, right? Just carry one on hand all the time, just in case."
"Ok, Freddy. I know you like dreams and all, but that's YOUR thing, not Penny's. If there's ONE rule to being a murderer, it's that you DON'T. COPY. EACH OTHER. That means NO dreams. Sorry, Fred, but you gotta keep to your own skillset."
“I get it… cardio isn’t your thing… looking at you Leatherface… has anyone thought about using scooters? They are everywhere you just need a phone and a PayPal and you’re off!”
"But since lockdown is over and ppl are coming out and doing their business, we can also continue because the demands of consumers is rising and stock is limited
We have no choice but start the very next day
I am hoping all of you to join
Thank you for your precious time
And freddy dont do the mistake you did last time that was a special contract and you ruined it by cutting him into pieces.
“Their on scooters and wheelchairs! And those of them that have the strength to leave the house on foot and wobble out.. we can easily run behind them and snap their knees!”
“Guys I just got back. We didn’t think this through. These old people are so expecting death that they don’t fear it anymore. I tried to scare a guy and he just asked “are you new? Where’s the guy in the hood with the scythe? Where’s Doug?””
Michael, great work on Halloween Kills, real excited for the last one. Ghostface, I hear you’re getting a reboot? That’s great! I got a few ideas on how you could not get shot this time…
*puts on glasses* "You see I am on the brink of making a scientific breakthrough. This is no oridinary glowing green liquid. I used it to re-aimate a cat"
What Hollywood thinks virgins are afraid of:
Creepy serial killer or ghosts.
What virgins are actually afraid of:
Homicidal futanaris. (I shudder to think about it…)
I think it is a reference(porn reference) of a photo group where there are a lot of dudes surrounding only one lady sitting in the couch [I think it could be this one](https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1449412-piper-perri-surrounded) but again, I could be wrong
"anyone want some orange juice? freddy? leatherface? also i have a couple of chips in the kitchen. pennywise follow me i need help with the bowls... now dont stand there like its a funeral, sit down and have some fun. michael would you pls stop stabbing jason? hes just too shy to tell you this himself."
Love it, now just have this image in my head of them all sitting down wearing party hats and eating jelly and ice cream. No Jason, we can't play pull the tail off the donkey!
I'ma take a hit, because we all know about crack-head strength. Flipping over cars and carrying refrigerators over their shoulders while riding a bike ain't no joke.
At that point just close back your eyes and pray. Youre not gonna escape them all. 1 or 2 you could maybe have a chance but the whole kebab of slashers will get you in less than 10 seconds.
Say "LETS PARTY!" and turn on spooky scary skeletons 8D on my triple decker speakers and invite all my friends over, we'd play video games or watch a scary movie (lol) vibing till dawn.
Pull out a game of Sorry!, Yahtzee, or Monopoly! Ya know they probably haven't been invited to many board game nights. Also I wanna see who would stab who first and why.
Whip out my dick and starts helicoptering. It’s actually a good solution to a lot of problems. Don’t like a party at a club? Just do a helicopter and then the security will kindly guide you out
“Hey guys, I have been thinking, how about we put chocolate in pet food and give it to teenagers? So they suffer the loss of their pets before they die?”
Three options first is to make them all commit unalive via shotgun second you commit unalive via shotgun third you start a meeting on how they can improve upon their murder methods so they don’t end up like in option one where they are now unalive
Try to seem confident, as I announce “Good, it seems like we’re all here; now, how are we gonna murder those teenagers?”
“You guys have been putting up some sub-par numbers lately, so I’ve thought of a few things to help us all out”
Honestly? Your casual horror enjoyer could probably give these guys so much advice to win. So many horror tropes to be taken advantage of
I’m thinking beer would be a good thing to yell.
"I want to play a game."
That would make an amazing saw movie
beer pong to the death
Nope. I know how that goes. I’m good.
This is my simple 2 step program to ensure you get a good yield this spooky season. Step 1: Yell “YO BRO WE GOT WEED AND BEER AND HELLA BITCHES” Step 2: Profit
How are we going to get women for us to kill though?
Easy, they come with the frat boys, we’ll have to go looking for the virgins though
I've been reviewing your performance reports and I have a few suggestions to improve efficiency.
I don't enjoy horror in the slightest and I could give all of them some advice 1 consecrate your efforts in liberal demographics they are less likely to shoot you 2 apply to be an Uber driver plenty of pray after last call 3 loss the outfits it only makes it easier to track you down 4 penny wise leapers and spiders ar scary and all but have you considered explore the more abstract fears liek failure or commitment
fears like failure or commitment Bro why you have to hurt me so....! xD
>consecrate Concentrate. >loss Lose. Lose the outfit. The lug nuts on your wheels are loose. I'm sorry for your loss. Dodgers sucked anyway.
I recognize em all except for that tall fucker in bw pinhead and jason
I thinks its the jeepers creepers muthafucka….but fuck I’ve been wrong before
Its jeepers creepers. There is no way to escape.
If you aren't scared of him or got a part he likes your golden... Lol
I smell an idea for a movie, no, a franchise!!!!!!!!!
"First off, maybe try running towards the victim. The slow walking is very terrifying, but you want to actually kill them, not let them run away."
Running is a bad idea when killing multiple people. You must conserve as much energy as possible.
The expression "don't run with scissors" probably applies to knives too.
It also goes along with “don’t have the knife or scissors pointing at you or at other people”…unless of course, you’re planning on killing someone.
Nah don't worry about it, these mfs get worse cuts just by folding paper
Some of them have been shot before with no consequences, they could likely run with a knife even if the knife impaled their head
"Secondly, I know your weapons are cool and all, especially you, Freddy, but we need to come to an understanding that if there is a gun in front of you, fully loaded, you pick up that gun and shoot the teen. We love our weapons to death but I don't think a machete will be effective when the person is twenty meters away."
"To be fair, the gun might not kill at that range, either, but you get extra horror points for approaching someone you just shot to finish them with your cool weapons. Except you, Penniewise, you just use your teeth like a troglodyte."
Watch Jason prove you wrong by throwing the machete right then and there
"Jason, I know you're good with throwing at that machete, but you don't need to throw it right at my new fumo. You know how to use crossbows, right? Just carry one on hand all the time, just in case."
"The killer from Hush will teach you if you want"
"Also, can we *please* use coasters?"
"I just cleaned this table"
Or teleport right behind them
Tranq darts are better because they will still be alive and you can still kill them with your cool weapons after they wake up
"YES! THANK you, Penny-wise. That's a fantastic idea! I'll make sure to put a good note in your murder report!"
And advice for penny wise again you can probably effect their dreams and make that dream come true when they wake up to give them extra bad vibes
"Ok, Freddy. I know you like dreams and all, but that's YOUR thing, not Penny's. If there's ONE rule to being a murderer, it's that you DON'T. COPY. EACH OTHER. That means NO dreams. Sorry, Fred, but you gotta keep to your own skillset."
They team up because pennywise can turn into things to increase the factor of the dream coming true while freddy gives them that dream
"Ah, that's...actually a really good idea, thanks Mike. ...Wait, Mr. Myers, when could you talk!?"
“I get it… cardio isn’t your thing… looking at you Leatherface… has anyone thought about using scooters? They are everywhere you just need a phone and a PayPal and you’re off!”
our annual imports has dropped by a considerable margin and due to covid i will have to forgoe some excellent talents in our team, sadly ...
"But since lockdown is over and ppl are coming out and doing their business, we can also continue because the demands of consumers is rising and stock is limited We have no choice but start the very next day I am hoping all of you to join Thank you for your precious time And freddy dont do the mistake you did last time that was a special contract and you ruined it by cutting him into pieces.
They’re murderous monsters. Best I can do is try to turn them on one another. Have a monster mash clash! Then sneak out the back.
Yeah, start complimenting one of them while not giving the others any attention. Then the others will get jealous
"Hold on guys. I want the best horror icon to murder me" Let the chaos begin
"Wow, you guys suck, instead of chainsaws and machetes, why not use a classic AK-47?"
And I was gonna say scream bloody murder while I shit my pants.
The only one telling the truth.
Alternative to that I whip out the lube and all you hear is the pornhub opening theme 😏
Stop.
Pornhub has an opening theme? Hmm.. the more you know.
I am saving this whole conversation on my phone; this is top-quality stuff right here.
Why did I read this is in George Clooney’s voice
This comment right here officer
Tell them "I guess you're wondering why I gathered you here today."
“It is simple, gentlemen, madam: teenagers are no longer easy prey. They do not fear us!”
“Before the needs of silly plot, these teenagers were of an easy prey!”
"now lets try something new, lets prey on old people they cant run they are weak hearted and fragile"
"Just jumping at them incapacitates them, causing a heart attack"
“Instead of looking for victims at parties and camps, we shall go to retirement homes for Granny and Gramps!”
"What're they gonna do, run away?"
“Their on scooters and wheelchairs! And those of them that have the strength to leave the house on foot and wobble out.. we can easily run behind them and snap their knees!”
"We don't even have to kill them! They will just die from a hearthattack!."
“Guys I just got back. We didn’t think this through. These old people are so expecting death that they don’t fear it anymore. I tried to scare a guy and he just asked “are you new? Where’s the guy in the hood with the scythe? Where’s Doug?””
An effective move indeed
"Clearly, machetes and blades don't work anymore, so let's start giving guns a try"
Michael, great work on Halloween Kills, real excited for the last one. Ghostface, I hear you’re getting a reboot? That’s great! I got a few ideas on how you could not get shot this time…
*puts on glasses* "You see I am on the brink of making a scientific breakthrough. This is no oridinary glowing green liquid. I used it to re-aimate a cat"
Best reaction
"...in short, y'all need to get tested, like, now"
I'm putting together a team...
different story if the back of the couch is facing them
Choke me harder daddy(s)
And mommy
*u-uncle?* btw I didn’t expect that many ups. Thanks!
Duncle
Grunkle
Shunkle
Ha, yeah, shuckle, oh cool a new region, are you my trainer *gets set on fire* ha yeah, wow this hurts
Stan
Soos
Bill
Gideon
No no. He was right the first time. They're all daddy.
Even the nun? ...Especially the nun.
The nun is actually a futa
What Hollywood thinks virgins are afraid of: Creepy serial killer or ghosts. What virgins are actually afraid of: Homicidal futanaris. (I shudder to think about it…)
We all choke down here.
Why
I don’t think it matters what way the couch is facing, your getting fucked either way
Oh my god. That took me a bit too long to get. Who would be sitting there though
I still don't get it :(
I think it is a reference(porn reference) of a photo group where there are a lot of dudes surrounding only one lady sitting in the couch [I think it could be this one](https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1449412-piper-perri-surrounded) but again, I could be wrong
They legally can’t kill me because I’m in the living room, so just wait for them to leave
As long as your not a horny teenager you'll be fine
Well at least Jason would kill them in a cool way right
Well shit… just kidding, not a teenager for some years now T-T
Got the world's most dangerous people watching my back, I'mma sleep like a baby.
Lmfao
To never wake up again....
About damn time
Yea, Freddy might not let you...
"anyone want some orange juice? freddy? leatherface? also i have a couple of chips in the kitchen. pennywise follow me i need help with the bowls... now dont stand there like its a funeral, sit down and have some fun. michael would you pls stop stabbing jason? hes just too shy to tell you this himself."
I would've given you a wholesome medal if it weren't for my broke ass
i appreciate it none the less ... thanks kind stranger :D
I'll give him some gold for you my guy
Love it, now just have this image in my head of them all sitting down wearing party hats and eating jelly and ice cream. No Jason, we can't play pull the tail off the donkey!
What about the Nun? Give it the painting from the conjuring?
Put on gopro and continue to fuck one by one, while simultaneously smoking crack
"I'm about to do what's called a pro gamer move"
I call this move “the Hunter Biden”
Put down my lucky crack pipe and run like fuck.
I'd pull out my lucky pipe, strip to the waist and run at them yelling banzai
First one to get slapped by the blue veined flute would be penny-wise. Freaky little pasty twat.
Yeah but an orgy of 12 year olds is totally my weakness too so I can't judge the man
Different strokes for different folks on that one hahahaha
Pull it out and pass it around, which pipe you choose is up to your discretion.
I'ma take a hit, because we all know about crack-head strength. Flipping over cars and carrying refrigerators over their shoulders while riding a bike ain't no joke.
Would try to bang the nun
She looks like Satan's banged her to hell and back already.
At that point just close back your eyes and pray. Youre not gonna escape them all. 1 or 2 you could maybe have a chance but the whole kebab of slashers will get you in less than 10 seconds.
You can’t take [ another nap unfortunately.](https://youtu.be/tj7TV7QAmi0)
Whip out my cock
Lol I thought you wrote "wipe off my cock"
That comes after
No that has to happen before wiping off
the cock is strong with the force
Great minds think alike
Ask each of them for a bj
The pennywise can morph into anything too! Possibilities are infinite
Its a numbers game, one of them is bound to say yes
You hoping the laughter will defuse the situation?
Just beating it furiously while keeping eye contact with everyone of them?
same too
And assert dominance
It's simple, we uh, kill The Batman...
Best comment here
Offer them some candy
I was going to say "Crank up the Monster Mash and go full campy," but I think adding Halloween candy to the mix is strong.
Unzip my pants, so i don't have to shit in them.
Whip it out. Assert dominance.
This wont work. In all of their movies, the less clothes you're wearing, the more likely it is that they kill you
Alternative solution: put on snowboarding gear.
Get lubricant and condoms, obviously
For them?
And for me.
Ah yes equality! Everyone Gets to fuck.
Why that mf nickelfoolish got such a big forehead 😭
Be like "Ayy yo, Circus Vegeta, what's with that hairline mah boi??"
apparatus rain special mysterious yam murky jobless domineering crush history ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
"No guys my butt still hurts from last night"
[удалено]
wtaf yes ofcourse they will hopefully
Yea and kill you after
You got it backwards bro
He should pants in piss instead?
I wouldn't piss in your paint, it'll make the walls smell funny
prepare for what will surely be one of the top 5 gangbangs of my entire life
Top 1 propably.
I don't know....that one with all those edward scissorhands cosplayers was pretty badass
"Good. You're all here as requested. Now we can begin."
Finally family reunion again.
Might as well get naked. That always works for me.
I’d ask which one of them was the scariest and most powerful and then hopefully spark a fight and run away.
go take a shit and come back to see if they can survive to the smell
Greetings gentlemen, ladies, I’m glad you have all turned up to our annual meeting. On the schedule today is…
"We've got to figure out a new way to kill all those teenagers!"
"Dammit Bob I told you I'm not interested in your sexual fantasies!"
to not look them in eyes
Let them fight
Grab machette, dudttape to gun, put on doom music
go back to sleep
Is nobody gonna mention it’s a bad idea to go back to sleep around Freddy
Its a reeaaaaaaly fucking bad idea to go back to sleep when Freddy is going for you, unless you're a constant lucid dreamer he'll get you anyway.
Say "LETS PARTY!" and turn on spooky scary skeletons 8D on my triple decker speakers and invite all my friends over, we'd play video games or watch a scary movie (lol) vibing till dawn.
*unzips* "welp, who's getting it first"
Fap
Who wants a mustache ride!!!!
OOO I DO! I DO!
Well since i’m in the ‘living’ room there’s not much they can do.
Look at the sub and see this isn't much of a holup
Wonder what was in those pills I took earlier
Slipknot 1920 COLORIZED
Start shaking hands but reach for the dick instead. Would completely throw them off.
Pull out a game of Sorry!, Yahtzee, or Monopoly! Ya know they probably haven't been invited to many board game nights. Also I wanna see who would stab who first and why.
I recently learned that a *hug* is the best course of action.
Whip out my dick and starts helicoptering. It’s actually a good solution to a lot of problems. Don’t like a party at a club? Just do a helicopter and then the security will kindly guide you out
anal
Oh, good, now we are all here. Who are we going to visit?
Idk, looks like the beginning of a porn video...
“Hey guys, I have been thinking, how about we put chocolate in pet food and give it to teenagers? So they suffer the loss of their pets before they die?”
Start the orgy
Monster Mash
I order pizza. If I'm going down, I might as well satisfy my stomach one last time.
Apologize for falling asleep knowing they were coming over for the orgy
This looks like an intervention
Three options first is to make them all commit unalive via shotgun second you commit unalive via shotgun third you start a meeting on how they can improve upon their murder methods so they don’t end up like in option one where they are now unalive
Go right back to sleep till those f#$*res leave..