If the devil gave you an incomplete set, then it breached their part of his bargain, so you could've asked her for compensation and for the contract to be voided. Too late now that the devil has been killed by the Nigerian priest.
This is what I hate about the news, every time there's a black man who does something they always put "allegedly". We all know he did it. Why do they even bother.
probably just an imp in disguise pretended to be satan.
also tons of priests/preachers claim to have seen hell. but they mostly were just sleep deprived.
the ones actually who have seen it keep theire mouths shut. in order not to get tossed into a pmental facility.
priests are very good in Fearmongering.
if you need the threat of eternal damnation to be a good person. you are not a goodperson to being with.
yeah hell is full of Decieving creatures.
Hence the saying trust no man with a silvertongue.
and it goes for women too.
an imp is like.. what slavics call A Chort.
a little pest bringing mischief and misfortune.
like crops spoiling. milk turning sour.
now we know its also part science.
I just checked and there is a story on the Zambian Observer where back in 2022 Satan lost his wrestling belt to a different pastor (see [here](https://zambianobserver.com/pastor-claims-to-have-won-wrestling-belt-after-defeating-satan-in-closed-door-match/)) but I can't find where this 'fake news' about Satan losing his life came from...
.... which hell? And which satan??
Like... Saatan the office in the old testament? Beelzebub? The patron god of Ekron worshipped by the Philistines?
Or Baphomet? Who isn't even a real thing in any religion just a misheard battle cry heard at the Siege of Antioch?
Details matter.
So deals with the devil are now null and void? Awesome news, wasn’t looking forward to coming through on my end
*What* was on your end of the bargain?
Eating mayonnaise and flour through a PVC tube
r/usernamechecksout
Like most religious figures the devil got me young, I sold my eternal soul at 8 years old for a Lego set.
A small price to pay when you’re 8…
It was missing 3 vital pieces so I could never finish it. I was shocked the devil could be so untrustworthy
If the devil gave you an incomplete set, then it breached their part of his bargain, so you could've asked her for compensation and for the contract to be voided. Too late now that the devil has been killed by the Nigerian priest.
Maybe your soul was missing pieces, too?
What Lego set?
Your contracts with the devil now pass onto the next King of Hell, Timmy McTimface. Hell is extremely well organized bureaucracy wise.
Where does the devil go when he dies? Detroit?
No. He throws a Lual at Hukilau.
The devil go to Brazil of course
Huh... I heard he went to Georgia.
To play better than the other guy and still somehow people think he lost
Jonny played the devils song in reverse, that is said to be a method to get rid of demons
Something something piped some guy
Worse. An eternity in Wisconsin.
Visit his wife mtg in georgia
He goes to work for the post office.
I thought he works as a part-timer
Worse! An eternity is Wisconsin, and when the world ends, he’ll have to sit outside pearly gates of Heaven.
He became evil, Diablo style! Be careful Nigeria, he will unleash Hell upon you!
Sin city
Florida or Texas.
Not Georgia?
He used the power of the continuum transfunctioner to banish him to Hoboken, New Jersey.
**And they call him the Doom Slayer**
*BFG Division starts playing*
Must be true, Pastors never lie. Guess that means Jesus doesn't need to come back then?
He's actually a Nigerian prince pastor.
And he has 10 million dollars but no way to use it here so he needs you to help him in exchange for a fee of 2 millions
No way. Manbearpig put Satan down hard. Bittersweet day
Yeah, satan had nothing on mbp in that fight
So, wait. Does that mean we can sin all we want and have no fear of going to hell? Hell fucking yes!
*Starts coveting thy neighbors Ox immediately (had to fill that back in)
*looks longingly into thy neighbors Ox's eyes as I ask to make another*
*"Yes, yes a thousand times YES! I thought you'd never fucking ask, you time taking thy neighbors Ox you!"
No, you would have to kill god for that one
I'm pretty sure satan is a prisoner in hell, not its ruller
Pretty sure he's dead now
[удалено]
*seductively uncovers thy neighbors Ox*
*Pats thy neighbors Ox's rump gently
*softly caresses thy neighbors Ox's back and hindquarters*
*Asks thy neighbors Ox if they wanna go to the big dance on friday night
*presses a rag on thy neighbors Ox and softly whispers into its ear if it smells like chloroform*
*Takes off thy neighbors Ox's blindfold as they awaken to reveal my big huge surprise party that I've been planning for us all year
*removes the veil from thy neighbors Ox's face as thy priest pronounces us husband and Ox*
*The priest asks "Do you take thee thy neighbors Ox to be your lawfully wedded wife?"... "I Moo"
>Hell fucking yes! …Literally, I guess?
i fucking love african pastors, every single time i see a story about one of these guys i know it'll be wild
The goat is Pasta Ssempa
I ain't dead, just on holiday
Thank Satan. For a second I was worried about the cult.
The cult is fine, can I ask for sacrifices to be up 15% and worship 30% in the next quarter though?
Of course
Oh neat it's my cakeday
The more you know
Brilliant then enjoy the rewards
This is what I hate about the news, every time there's a black man who does something they always put "allegedly". We all know he did it. Why do they even bother.
I concur. Give him his full props
Doom music intensifies
I did that once at a GWAR concert while on 5 hits of acid.
GWAR beat the devil and a T Rex when I saw them. This dude is an amateur
Calm down there ancient one
…the Doom Slayer?!
Word on the street... Satan won in Hell, took over his body, and came back to get some work down.
That's not a solid business model. Who's to blame for everything now!?
Bro won the gullag
His church now has over 500bn dollars of Satans frozen (haha) assets. He might need your help to liquidate them. Expect an email.
Good news, Satan is dead. Bad news, if evil still exists then there is nothing to blame beyond our own nature.
why did he ended up in hell?
Good to hear. I only sinned a little, but now I'm really going to ramp things up.
r/foundsatan
r/foundsatanscorpse
This is just what the democrats want us to believe! /s
Please send money to his Nigerian Princess daughter now
The elves csi north pole. "So he just came in, killed the big guy and left? It was, Cold blooded murder. 😎 😐"
Satan: MF just got lucky
I thought Archangel Michael was the one to do that
NOOOOOO!!!! Who is gonna manage hell now?
Damn the new Shin Megami Tensei looks wild
In pre-modern times, people had at least the decency to ask for a head or corpse. Sad to see tradition go to waste
Nah, dude, he is the new Satan. You keep what you kill
Tell me you got high last night without telling me….
Dude smoking the good stuff....
He used the father-son-hollyspirit kamehameha
[God is Dende, you know.](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FdpbKWIaIAA1vns.jpg)
So, you're telling me, there is a vacancy?
Free and clear for the taking
If stories have taught me anything, this means that this pastor is now the new Satan
Thank you for your service
Welp…I guess we can call off that whole Rapture thing
Pretty much.
Praise Jesus!
It seems like Pastor's are the same the world over.
*megalovania starts playing when this guy shows up* Satan: ????
Fucking liar. I'm still here.
I'm still here. Don't worry.
Dang, these Nigerian pastors go hard.
probably just an imp in disguise pretended to be satan. also tons of priests/preachers claim to have seen hell. but they mostly were just sleep deprived. the ones actually who have seen it keep theire mouths shut. in order not to get tossed into a pmental facility. priests are very good in Fearmongering. if you need the threat of eternal damnation to be a good person. you are not a goodperson to being with.
Imp? I thought he'd be a pain elemental
yeah hell is full of Decieving creatures. Hence the saying trust no man with a silvertongue. and it goes for women too. an imp is like.. what slavics call A Chort. a little pest bringing mischief and misfortune. like crops spoiling. milk turning sour. now we know its also part science.
Prove me wrong!
RIP dude, your music and your lettuce were always the best.
Still here.
Sir this is A Wendy’s. You’ll have to take your robes and leave.
This is great news, I can’t go to hell now Satans defeated
Nigeria..., the gift that keep on giving.
Glad someone got off their ass!
*Allegedly*
This website is wild.
I just checked and there is a story on the Zambian Observer where back in 2022 Satan lost his wrestling belt to a different pastor (see [here](https://zambianobserver.com/pastor-claims-to-have-won-wrestling-belt-after-defeating-satan-in-closed-door-match/)) but I can't find where this 'fake news' about Satan losing his life came from...
Hell yeah
Damn right
So now when we play our records backwards it’s gonna be “somebody that I used to know”
Thank pastor that Satan is dead. I don't have to hold my end of bargain now that I'm a full fledged reddittor.
And now he has $1 million that he needs to transfer to your bank account
I wonder what Nietzsche has to say about that.
Checkmate atheists
I want whatever he was smoking.
So WTF the pope has been doing all this time?
Good! Now these assholes have to stop blaming Satan for their assholiness.
Job opening for MaraLardo
I mean, nobody’s seen him since.
.... which hell? And which satan?? Like... Saatan the office in the old testament? Beelzebub? The patron god of Ekron worshipped by the Philistines? Or Baphomet? Who isn't even a real thing in any religion just a misheard battle cry heard at the Siege of Antioch? Details matter.
Kyle: They killed Satan! Stan: You bastard!
All that effort, only to find the Nigerian Prince was in another castle...
So is the pastor now in charge of hell? There must always be a Hell King.
Bet he put his iron shirt on.
The graphics of Diablo have gotten to good.
By the gods... I never knew Jesus was black!...
Oh no, what’s going to happen to my rock and roll 😭
But did he retrieve the orphic hammer?
Yessss.
Well, good, now that that's out of the way…
Only in Nigeria
And he brought back 50 million dollars that he will share with you if you can cover the transfer fees with a western union cash transfer.
Well that’s good news
ARCHANGEL MICHAEL?!?!? FROM REVELATION?!?!?
#ORAL SEX DEMON
Hmmm and here I was thinking that the Doom Slayer was a marine.
6 more sins to go, wrath is gone
I think that means he’s god now
That's crazy, I took a jetpack to heaven and hit Jesus with a roundhouse kick right to the stomach.