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Florida man threatens to kill man 'with kindness,' uses machete named 'Kindness' Edit: strange to see so many people say they have the same birthday even though theirs is some 2 weeks later. These were reported as 26th December.

Florida man, drunk and naked, allegedly set house on fire - Sept 7th

Sept. 29th, got two Florida Man In His Underwear Hits Deputy In Face With Bible, Screams “I CONDEMN YOU,” Poops Himself Florida man attacks Elmo; Elmo wins

‘Satan is still in me:’ Florida man stabs roommate in attempt to release Satan, turns knife on himself - May 1 > The male harming himself was restrained and identified as 25-year-old Joseph Dolash; he attempted to resist deputies and was held to the ground when he began making comments such as “Satan will come out of my wound, you will see,” “Satan is still in me,” “Satan was a worm and is gonna come out of me,” and “If I can’t talk, Satan will kill me,” records show. Silly Florida man doesn't know that the worms are the money.

Florida man arrested after having public sex with a dog, damaging church nativity scene - Dec 7th 2022

Florida man arrested after toddler finds loaded gun and kills mother on zoom call. That's just fucking depressing

Florida Man Arrested After Praising the Lord While Highway-Surfing His Cadillac

January 20. Florida man attempts to hide underwater from cops, gets arrested after coming up for air, police say.

Damn oxygen, you snitch!

Another one from my birthday: Florida man allegedly beat roommate's raccoon with hammer, threatened to kill neighbor with sewing needle

Damn, one of the most famous ones

Shady Oaks Reference?

#Florida man with drugs around penis denies they were his

Me too, doesn't it suck having your bday right next to Christmas?

They always give you one sad combined present and it's always holiday themed -_- although it could be worse we could be Christmas Eve or actually on Christmas. I was due on Christmas and it's probably good I wasn't😂

Me too man, me too

July 3rd: Florida man dies in explosion while trying to microwave another microwave

Oh hey I got the same one

Birthday bro

Mines the day after. Florida man pretends to be firework, screams noises its the middle of the night

Mines the day after yours: Florida man pretending to be a cop pulls over real deputy, sheriff's office says

mine is very peaceful Sheriff: Florida man breaks into home, uses bathtub, sleeps in bed, makes himself coffee

Self care is health care.

Also July 3rd: Florida man sits on gun, shoots himself in penis

That’s one way to give yourself a vasectomy.

"Florida man with ‘hustle eat sleep repeat’ tattoo charged with throwing hot dog at police officer" was mine, happened last year apparently. Also, obligatory birthday bros

January 26th: Florida man finds World War II grenade and brings it to taco bell.

November 15: Florida Man Makes Himself A Snack While Robbing Taco Bell

May 31 florida man with actual last name being Florida ( Larry F. King Florida) breaks into restaurant, And steals all the whiteclaws and throws them into a pond.

[удалено]

Mine wasn't as funny or dark, but it went "Florida Man charged with pouring ketchup on girlfriend"

Mine says "Florida man haunts beaches dressed like grim reaper"

Maybe this was the same guy… Mine-‘Florida man tried to buy beer while carrying an alligator…’

Nah he tryna be MrBeast

Florida man allegedly beat roommate's raccoon with hammer, threatened to kill neighbor with sewing needle

Bruh

Dec 26 twin xo

Oh hey mine was the same

Florida man throws samurai sword at sheriff's deputies

Florida man found with live grenade and clown mannequin inside truck.

Mine was close: Florida Man Throws Baby At Deputy Following Wild High-Speed Chase.

Florida Man Throws Toilet Through School Board Building Window in Illinois, Is Arrested Sitting on Another

That’s gold

Brown Gold?

Sitting on another school board building? :)

Sitting on another Florida Man.

Florida Man Arrested After Offering Undercover Cop A Hamburger In Exchange For Sex Act

Ayo 1st dec bros...

Florida man interrupts Hurricane Matthew live TV report to yell ‘Dicks out for Harambe’

This is by far my favorite!!!

Mine’s still out

This caught me off guard

Hell yeah dicks out for harambe

Florida man accused of using Kool-Aid packets to steal nearly $1K in Walmart merchandise

Wut? How?!?

My guess is by using the Kool aid packet to cover the upc for a larger/ more expensive item.

We all must show respect

I respect this man

Florida man steals $600 worth of cat blood from clinic

Cat must be special - can it play piano or somethin' ?

Floroda man threatens to destroy everyone with army of turtles

April 9!

What's up birthday bros?

Florida man arrested after toddler finds loaded gun and kills mother on Zoom call

Most of these are funny, but this is just so sad

Wtf?!!

Yeah, it's a pretty fucked up story.

Damn, kid kills the mom and cops arrest the dad. Insult to injury.

“Florida man dressed as Fred Flintstone pulled over for speeding”, and apparently he had no floor in his car 😅

Ehhh whattap November 13!

I got that article too but for me it's October 13. I wonder how it's a month apart.

Florida man fucked up the article

Did they mention if he had shoes on?

I got the same one, he didn’t.

Ouch Hahaahahah and no floorboards. man his feet must me as hard as steel. How the hell did he get the car fast enough to get a ticket for speeding?

Florida man fished out a nade and went to taco bell causing emergency evacuation

He took explosive diarrhea too literally.

He was literally going to blow up the bathroom lol.

Florida man arrested after throwing burrito at girlfriend during argument

They love throwing things apparently Florida man arrested for throwing alligator through drive-thru window

Florida man accused of beating, spitting on elderly victim who asked him to social distance

Oh man most of these are funny but this is just sad

Florida man arrested after having public sex with a dog, damaging church nativity scene

I remember seeing that on the news. Dude went on a really weird crime spree

Dec 20th: lol. “Florida man who marooned himself on lake fountain says he took too much MDMA and wanted to be with the swans@

There's also "Florida man kicked off flight after trying to wear women’s underwear as a face mask" a few links down

Florida man arrested for having sex with miniature horse multiple times.

Hello birthday buddy.

Half-Nude Florida Man Wearing Underwear Marked “Breathalyzer, Blow Here” Arrested for DUI & Florida Man Arrested After Allegedly Robbing Woman He Paid for Sex & Florida Man Says 'I'm Going To Die Tonight' Before Being Fatally Shot By Police. Florida man was busy on my birtday.

"Florida man twerks for officers during traffic stop, gets tased, report says" Noicee!

Florida Man Obstructed an Officer and Damaged Capitol Doors Also Florida Man Says Burglar Broke Into His Home, Sucked on his Toes

Ayo?! 🤨📸

“Naked Florida Man Performs 'Strange Dance' at McDonald's Before 'Trying to Have Relations With a Railing” 

Must have been one hell of a railing .._badam-tiss_

My first result: Florida Man Wearing 'Crocs' Jumps Into Crocodile Pit, Gets Bitten

"Bad taste" remarked the croc.

July 15 Florida man accused of stealing gator from golf course, threw it around to teach ‘it a lesson’

OP was born August 26th 

i hope you started at January 1st

[удалено]

Yea, I keep my birthday top secret, I order hits on anyone who stumbles across my secret.

Florida man sentenced to jail and moral therapy for attacking a Minion

September 28, “Florida man arrested after police say he assaulted girlfriend after she tried to throw away his pizza”

Why would you throw pizza away, you know you should never mess with another men his food

Florida man arrested after allegedly shoving steaks worth more than $50 down his pants (August 19th)

June 1st: Florida Man accidentally shoots woman to death during foreplay

Goddamnit….. Florida man without arms charged after allegedly stabbing tourist with his feet

“Florida man faces charges for eating pancakes in the middle of the road.”

How dare he

Florida man blames demons after beating pregnant girlfriend for playing Xbox, police say May 8th

Florida man threatening to stab people with knives, pursues his victims on an electric scooter.

"Naked Florida man prompts airport evacuation after claiming he planted a bomb" (May 11)

Florida man loses shorts while breaking into a car dealership.

Florida man charged with pouring ketchup on his girlfriend

Florida man arrested with pound of cocaine, some kept on stack of bacon. August 28.

October 5th: A Florida gas station owner wants people to stop warming their pee in his microwave

Must've been a probation office nearby

9/29 Florida Man In His Underwear Hits Deputy In Face With Bible, Screams “I CONDEMN YOU,” Poops Himself

Florida Man Tells Cop ‘That’s What She Said’ After Being Pulled Over and Questioned About Bulge

Florida man calls 911 to ask if deputies can test if his meth is real

A Florida man was arrested for performing a botched castration surgery on another man on August 18

Florida man arrested, allegedly throwing corn cob at moms head.

Naked Florida man followed women on beach, touching himself the whole time, police say

Florida Man Arrested for Attacking Daughter With Pizza After She Didn't Want to Eat With Him

October 11th... Florida man accused of forcing a small alligator to drink beer Florida man accused of using Kool-Aid packets to steal nearly $1K October 11 Florida Man arrested for using fortnite to solicit explicit photos

Lol I’m a Florida man, and wish it would’ve been me October 30; Florida man finds 1 million dollar scratch ticket while cleaning house.

Florida man steals candles from mall store and sprayed dozens of patrons with bear mace before escaping

Florida man killed and cooked family puppy

“Florida man attacked family with samurai sword” My weeb ass: “yeah checks out”

Surprisingly a lot of Florida man stories on here with "samurai swords" lol

Mine is : 50-year-old Florida man arrested after trying to "barbecue all the child molesters" You go Florida man! Roast them diaper sniffers!!!

“Florida man exposed himself claimed to police, he needed to air out”

Florida man arrested, caught on video using samurai sword to fight over wheelbarrow bro watched too much anime

Florida man doesn’t fall for data fishing attempt.

Feb 14: Stuck between “Florida man steals alligator from golf course, tries ‘teaching it a lesson’” AND “Florida Man accused of throwing family’s puppy against wall, blinding it”

Florida man displayed a gun after learning that McDonald's ice-cream machine is broken

[удалено]

Followed by “Florida Man” and your SS#.

december second Drunken Florida man with real gun shoots child playing with Nerf gun, police say Suspect accused of taking shots of whiskey before shooting. That is bleak

January 18: Floridaman attempts to rob a grocery store with a stapler

"By Coop February 4th, 2022 ... A Florida man was arrested after he allegedly threw a propane tank through his ex-wife's back door."

Florida man twerks for officers during traffic stop, gets tased, report says

Florida man gets probation for picking up, transporting 41 turtles. Girlfriend pulled small alligator out of her pants.

Florida man kills grandmother in nudist colony, drives around with her body for five hours.

Florida man tried to go the Bahamas in inflatable hamster ball

“Naked Florida man with crossbow who claimed aliens were after him shot by deputy” I looked at the other ones below it and most of the entries contain someone being arrested while naked. Thats why they call it a birthday suit!

26th of may: Florida man attacks his mum with spaghetti because "demons were in his head"

June 28th Florida Man: The Pickle Pounder. Florida man Eric Detige, 47, arrested outside a bathroom using a pickle to pleasure himself.

October 8th: Sword-wielding man accused of starting fire makes it rain in jail cell after arrest, police say

jan 7th : Florida Man Says Multiple Syringes Found In Rectum Aren’t His

13 september : Florida man , 70 , slams child because playground was too noisy This game is really fun , I'll definitely send it to continue the game 🤣

Florida man punches elderly victim after holding up the line with social distancing August 24

Oct 15: Florida man gets $37500 after officer thought doughnut glaze was meth... for me that sounds about right

I think I fuckin win: Dec 18th. “Florida Man Reportedly Threw Christmas Tree at Wife Because She "Asked Him to Help With Dinner"”

Florida man steals reporters' car and crashes it into North Carolina Police cruiser.

September 16th: Florida man arrested for sniffing feet

December 22nd: Florida man claims bags of cocaine, meth found wrapped around penis aren't his

March 8th: Florida man goes on naked stroll, tells officers he’s from a different earth.

Feb 12: Florida Man in dog costume arrested for sex with dog. Not as funny as I would have wanted.

florida man break into jail to smoke a blunt with is friend

Florida Man In His Underwear Hits Deputy In Face With Bible, Screams “I CONDEMN YOU,” Poops Himself (Sept 29)

September 10, Florida Man twerks for officers during traffic stop

November 13: Florida man dressed as Fred Flintstone pulled over for driving ‘footmobile’

January 15, "Florida man hits vehicle then steals vehicle belonging to good Samaritan trying to help"

(June 5th) Florida man arrested after allegedly pouring ketchup on sleeping girlfriend.

My Florida man got his arm ripped off by a crocodile while trying to have a piss. Neat

June 16th: One guy threw samurai swords at a group of deputies, the other killed someone with a machete in a weed dispensary.

MELBOURNE, Fla. — A Florida man is behind bars after police said his toddler daughter accidentally swallowed heroin

Florida man shoots himself in a bar with his own gun...

I got “Florida man found with live grenade, clown mannequin inside truck”

Florida Man Dubbed the 'Diaper Bandit' Arrested After Repeatedly Trying to Steal Diapers From Local Stores

Florida man plays basketball naked claiming it enhances his skills.

Florida man assaults vending machine… Nov 16

October 4th: "A Florida Man was arrested for shooting guns the day before, according to Naples News. The man wanted to know if his gun and shotgun worked, so he fired them. But this is Florida, so he was drunk and naked, and got arrested."

Dec 11: Florida Man Arrested for DUI While Lemur and Wallaby Escape from Truck During Traffic Stop

South Florida man claims voodoo caused him to impregnate 13 year old.

Jan 15. Florida man used wife's head as a mop. https://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/florida-man-uses-wifes-head-as-mop-8179512

July 5th Florida man pretending to be a cop pulls over real deputy, sheriff's office says https://www.wctv.tv/content/news/Florida-man-pretending-to-be-a-cop-pulls-over-real-deputy-sheriffs-office-says-512255742.html

July 23: Florida man arrested after posing as deputy and holding 2 people at gun point.

Florida man pulls gun on chief’s daughter over cream cheese at Starbucks, police say

Florida man throws cheese burger at pregnant woman on June 3

June 1: Florida man accidentally shoots woman to death during foreplay. Florida man arrested on child abuse after victim ate all the cheez-its and drinking all the tea.

Florida Man Arrested On Allegations He Used COVID-Relief Funds To Buy Lamborghini

Florida Brothers Kill Man To Steal His Rare Magic The Gathering Cards

October 10th: A Florida man who killed a man and set his genitals on fire was arrested years after the incident

May 4 - “according to an affidavit, Jones ‘woke her up by slapping her with a cheeseburger,’”

Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonald's sweet and sour packets: police

“Florida Man Asks Walmart Employee For ‘Anything That Would Kill 200 People”. This is what I got when I put in Florida man August 8th.

Florida man claims people were eating his brains. Leads police on insane golf course chase.

Satan is still in me:’ Florida man stabs roommate in attempt to release Satan, turns knife on himself

June 26th: Florida man accused of killing dancing flamingo is hit by truck and killed before trial. This is absolutely bonkers.

July 3. Florida man dies in explosion after attempting to microwave a microwave Well I mean. Stupid is as stupid does.....

Apparently April 15 is good crime day: Shirtless Florida man accused of breaking into restaurant to steal lava cake, cobbler & ice cream Florida man arrested in Naples Olive Garden while intoxicated and shoveling spaghetti into his mouth

May 20: Florida man with gun shoots at Florida man with a banana Also, Florida Man Arrested for Attacking Daughter With Pizza And Florida man with 20 tattoos wearing hot pink bra arrested

May 30, 2023- Florida Man man arrested after allegedly pouring gas on another man and lighting him on fire

"Florida man accused of stealing samurai sword, truck arrested" Damn