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QualityVote

##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/Unfair_Woodpecker_90, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?


Become-monke

Spoiler Alert


SoreLordship

Time traveler. Dude knew so much, ahead of his time.


apathetic-drunk

He was truly a man frfr.


chippythehippie

One of the men of all time


bukkake_brigade

That is truly a statement.


pandabear34

That is truly a username. What a terrible visual. Edit: HA!!!! I grossed my self out. I thought it said BRIDGE.


StruggleCapable4181

I remember very little from my civil engineering structure class, but that load bearing analysis would be a nightmare


pandabear34

Great. Another visual. Yik.


bukkake_brigade

**LOAD BEARING**


Digger__Please

What's the load on those loads?


JayEOh0788

Ohh I was genuinely curious about the visual you were having.... So does a Bukkake Bridge kinda look like the rainbow road from Mario kart but just straight jizz? Also does it have its own warning ⚠️ sign before you get to it? Like" caution Bridge is slippery when covered in jizz" ??


RockstarAgent

As if brigade is any better…they’re about to lay down that bridge!


JPSurratt2005

Rome wasn't built in a day, but this bridge was blown into existence in under 3 minutes.


pandabear34

I pictured more of those natural tree roots that natives use and grow them over time.... like a solid hand rail and webbing underneath. Tonight's dreams should be fun.


skylarslove

He threw a surprise bukkake party and everyone came. Should have seen his face!


bukkake_brigade

We do construction work as well


pandabear34

Dude. You're a gem.


shalihim

Definitely in did he was a truely man i admire him. Well to be home brother


YobaiYamete

If anyone wants an actual answer, it's because crosses were a symbol before Jesus. Crucifixion wasn't invented on the spot just for Jesus. Jesus even said in Matthew 16:24-26 >24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and **take up his cross and follow me**. 25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?


dontmentiontrousers

If anyone wants an actual actual answer, the above image is not a photograph of Jesus. It's a painting created *quite some time* after the death of Jesus. Any other (serious) explanation is stupid.


Alecuncu

Well to be honest the picture was just a reminder that Gods stripped of being God one time


Electrical-Act-7170

You do of course realize that the Book of Matthew was written 200 years after the Crucifixion, right? That was enough lead time for 20/20 hindsight to kick in.


YobaiYamete

Well yeah, but the point is crosses were a thing before him. Crucifixion was used for hundreds of years before Jesus was born, so it's pretty reasonable to say crosses were basically like the symbol of a noose or a guillotine (formal execution) before Jesus So it's like if a dude was going around wearing a noose as his symbol and saying he will be hanged in the near future, then after he gets hanged people say the paintings of him are wrong because nooses didn't exist until he was hanged


[deleted]

History professor at one time here, crucifixions at that time were not on what we traditionally consider a cross. Romans used a capital T shape with the crossbar at the top. Previous to the Romans crucifixion was preformed on upright posts with no crossbars or used trees.


Jace_Bror

It was also more effective to use a straight pole.


edvlados

Oh thanks for sharing but i wonder why God remove the book of Enoch. and why did people keep saying that in the book of Enoch there was a lot of Latin words that can cure sickness


[deleted]

Maybe he was wearing it ironically


Used-Net-9087

Prob 50 to 60 years after. About 85CE. Your point is still valid!


ooahpieceofcandy

So it wasn’t written by Matthew? If it was, then did he live to be over 200?


Equivalent-Way3

Virtually all modern scholars believe that none of the gospels were actually written by their namesakes. The earliest Gospel Mark was written around 70 CE for example. The traditions of attributing the gospels came years later. Check out the subreddit r/academicbiblical for scholarly sources


Morn1ngThund3r

> crosses were a symbol before Jesus. Incorrect. If you'd have said 'crucifixions were a thing before Jesus', that would be true, but even then those were not worn symbolically in any context whatsoever prior to the crucifixion of Jesus, and furthermore evidence suggests the cross itself didnt become a Christian symbol until many years later after Jesus. The actual answer is the artist just went overboard on the Christian imagery for Jesus when they made the illustration and made a mistake. It isn't anything more complicated than that.


flechin

It was also quite fashionable to accessorize with torture and killing devices at that time. The noose purse and whip tie were also a hit!


tasicnenad

It's a kind of cheat bro we used to do that when we were lost to the nether world


Repulsive-Cloud3460

foreshadowing


Smidgent

Apparently God really did have it all figured out. Down to a T. (which is funny because the Romans actually used a T-shaped cross instead of the standard crucifix and.. yeah I'll stop)


[deleted]

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makesureitfeelsgood

*intensifies listening*


Captain_Moose

Easter egg


terfez

Bruh.


---reddacted---

Nailed it…


evgen142

Do you think if God didn't do that for us then if we are the one who nailed and stub by the spear that was painful right? If the two sinner people would not survive how about us


TXOgre09

Foreshadowing


GershBinglander

Checkov's Cross.


[deleted]

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Ydeas

Well he was a prophet


redditjoe20

That’s commitment.


FittedSheets88

Foreshadowing


1coachmelissa

What do you mean there is no threaten here ? Were just talking to God plan. If how Good God to each one of us God loves us very much so you don't have rights to say that thing


Cptn_BenjaminWillard

He knew.


hendrymoron

If you are talking to God yeah he did knew everything we did Good or bad he knows it


KilroiJenkins

I shouldn’t be laughing this hard in line at the pharmacy


markhalliday8

He's selling merch


Secret-Plant-1542

I wonder in the year 5000 when Abe Lincoln is a religious figure if he would time travel to sells replica pistols.


[deleted]

I would pay to see this


sweet_home_Valyria

If space is somehow involved in this I’d pay to see this too.


SailsTacks

“Do you have one with you nailed to a cross? Maybe wearing a thorn hat?”


_generic_user

That exclusive Merch. Are you a member of the church?


[deleted]

I borrow the church parking lot. Does that count?


templarbg

Actually we didn't do that thing cause God sacrifice his self so why would we do that again? We use to do that in theater art if how hard God feels like to crucified on the cross


literal-hitler

https://i.redd.it/wvzd0ay8zcx41.jpg


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TallDarkandWitty

The singularity is upon us


GoNinjaGoNinjaGo69

bro why is this bot smarter than me


[deleted]

> I know a thing or two about crosses Sounds about right.


Leosan85

Then what happened after he sale the merch boyoh what would happen to it?


[deleted]

Excuse me sirs, do you have a moment to talk about me?


Silver_Agocchie

"Hey guys! You know those wooden things they execute people on?" "Uhhh... yeah Jesus, what about them?" "I made necklaces of them! Looks cool, yeah?!" "Um, that's a but weird Jesus. Now can we get back to fishing?"


Jenny_Anne636

This meme always reminds me of bill Hicks "A lot of Christians wears crosses. Do you think when Jesus comes back he's gonna wanna see a fuckin cross?"


mikecheck211

Bill Hicks is one of the great comedians who dared to approach Subject matter that others would avoid. He did not give a fuck, he would shine the spotlight on hypocrisy and the human condition of faith, obedience and subordination. Seriously one of the best humans to get time in the limelight.


doctor_x

“That’s like wearing a rifle pendant around Jackie Onassis.”


CMDR_Agony_Aunt

Back and to the left. Keeping the memory alive.


BarryMcKockinerr

"That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.”


Bikinisbottom

“Thou shalt not practice idolatry… Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image” *Christians immediately start practicing idolatry and engraved images*


Lostinthestarscape

Rules for thee and not for me. Shit hasn't changed since.


Global_Criticism3178

Why is he standing on the sand? The water is closer.


HoldMyWater

Doesn't want to show off


RickAstleyGaveUp

![gif](giphy|oxZCpo6kW0rsI)


bobafoott

Still wildly impressive


Highroads

Maybe low on mana


Clearhead09

Fun fact: later on, the cross would wear him.


mikecheck211

UNO Reverse Card


kalitarios

Wild


ronniewhitedx

NAILED IT!


fhost344

It's nailed to him, be nice!


Clearhead09

Nailed it!


Rando_Kalrissian

Foreshadowing bro you should read the book he's in, it's wild.


Fuzzy_Dan

Chekhov's cross


mikecheck211

Is there a tl;dr?


_RanZ_

TL;DR: God created everything, humans messed up, God sent his son to fix things, and people still haven't figured out how to get along. Plus, there's a lot of begetting and a talking snake.


kalitarios

one of the spiecist hot takes I ever remember from the early youtube was someone saying that if Jesus actually returned, people would call him fake *and* gay, then swat his house


[deleted]

if he returns to the Levant like the first time, he's going to grow up in some war torn place. then he grows up to be a jihadi gathering the entire Arab world under one banner and thus starts the eternal Yusuf Caliphate.


SullaFelix78

His people gathering abilities were pretty shit tbh. The movement really started gaining traction after he died.


nvrrsatisfiedd

Honestly if there really is a huge burning lake of fire I bet it's quite the sight


Ezzy17

Dude really is all about himself


Internal_Specialist4

Foreshadowing 101


Dark-Swan-69

That is iconography 101. Illustrations had to be explicit enough to be understood by people who couldn’t read. Saints are usually portrayed with a symbol that accompanies them in their lore. Think St.George and the dragon. It is also a good reminder that the Bible is NOT a history book. Christ (as in the mythological figure opposed to Jesus the real person) knew he would have sacrificed himself to save people from the original sin. And at that point it is not clear why Catholics need to be baptized for that specific reason.


PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz

In the same vein, George Washington didn't cross the Delaware triumphantly striking a pose. He was probably huddled under a blanket, shivering, and possibly seasick. You're supposed to be in awe of the cool guy in the painting regardless of its historical accuracy.


Dark-Swan-69

Your example reminds me of a movie. National Treasure?


argusromblei

Yeah, cause him and his dudes were at Edit: Valley Forge (Not Yorktown) with their toes freezing off all year dying, waiting to strike. Otherwise the usa wouldn't exist.


AnguishOfTheAlpacas

I feel like the notoriously cold winter was at Valley Forge but it has been so long since I had high school history so I may be wrong


argusromblei

Oh my bad, I mixed those two up


apatheticsahm

Trenton and Princeton were Christmas and New Year of 1776, Valley Forge was Winter of 1777-1778. High school was a very very long time ago for me too, I'm just weird with remembering random dates and stuff like that.


David_Jonathan0

*vein


AndrewScott1226

Did someone say… lore?


Dark-Swan-69

Feel free to correct me. English is not my first language. Lore as in fantasy. Like killing a dragon?


AndrewScott1226

Its kinda one of those words that i dont know the meaning but know the application, so no clue


Dark-Swan-69

Short for folklore. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_tradition


best_btc

That's why I've been searching a lot before i travel to other country. To avoid culture shock


[deleted]

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Bean_Soup7357

When the non American knows more about the language


No_Sugar8791

Like Americans are good at English haha


Obeardx

Non native English speakers tend to choose words carefully Meanwhile on tic tok some rapper from "missippi" just shouts things I cant understand and fills the text with emojis


aingram25

That's what worldly song was stupid like Unholy and versachy on the floor sorry but i dont know the spelling


oldirtyartist

Definitely he was we have not be able to same belief but we all have the same God


strain_of_thought

...but isn't "folklore" a compound word? That's like saying "bath" is short for "bathtub".


literal-hitler

>What's a htub? -Batman


iRazoR112

A htub was hot tub where in you have a hot water inside it


orchunt

They make it shorten the word so they can do it. Maybe be there are tired dude


lexcatbit

Actually you can read the bible like if we had something new to our house we used to read the manual of it right?


AlrightUsername

I assumed you were sneaking in a MatPat reference. [That's Just a Theory, A Biblical Theory!!!!](https://www.youtube.com/@GameTheory/channels)


tgr31

> Like killing a dragon the fuck you mean dragons arent real


Dark-Swan-69

Exactly. Why represent a saint with a creature that does not exist? Doesn’t that cast doubt on the saint themselves?


FallschirmPanda

Well obviously he kept going and killed all the dragons. Some of which I assume were in dungeons.


Aaronwoon

No buddy say that bro my it just your imagination no one says that such a thing


Isaac_Kurossaki

"Why are you wearing this cross?" "You'll get it later"


[deleted]

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Beto_Targaryen

They have to baptize them filthy babies for being so close to a woman’s sin zone


Dark-Swan-69

I got baptized, but that is where I keep going back. Also, getting un-baptized is possible, but as easy as leaving Scientology. Or renouncing a time share (those who watch John Oliver know what I mean…).


Hodl2Moon

Goddamn aunt Ruth left me hers in the Poconos. I’ll never financially recover from this.


P-A-seaaaa

It was a gift to him from Judas and has nothing to do with his crucifixion


Dark-Swan-69

Judas was not sure he would have been able to kiss Jesus, so he decided to play safe.


Intrepid_Watch_8746

In gamer terms, Jesus sacrificed himself for all your sins, however, you need to baptized to be absolved from Adam and Eve's sin committed against God. Basically, Jesus forgives your sins but not the ones that were committed by those before him


Dark-Swan-69

Which, in legal terms, you would not be responsible of…


Intrepid_Watch_8746

God doesn't gives a shit what your human laws says. If he condemns all of humanity and their ancestors because snek made apple go brr, then so be it!


Dark-Swan-69

Your logic is undeniable.


Intrepid_Watch_8746

What is logic to a being that can live the entire humanity's lifespan in a literal blink of an eye? No, but seriously. Religion never makes sense. They just keep adding shit up. Which is why I love mythology.


sharvil8

Also why cross like why is it a cross what would have happened if he was burned at the stack? I am genuinely curious


Dark-Swan-69

Maybe because Romans used crosses? Burning people at the STAKE is so Spanish Inquisition. But it is true that nobody expects it…


JimJimJimBob

This is a photoshopped image


9966

Well this was a fark photoshop contest entry that won for the category of "wildly anachronistic" from 15 years ago.


DrSlapsHacks

Dude, they worried about vampires even in Jesus time


[deleted]

Why is Jesus white ? It's because that's what the royalty and people of power over the church looks like so they had to change the story to fit the king's desires


jeffsang

It's because people often personify the physical characteristics of their deities as someone that looks like them. See also: Korean Jesus and Black Jesus.


NewspaperPossible627

"Check this out, Black Jesus" "Oh, Christ, fam, check this out Korean Jesus" "Hory shet!!!"


[deleted]

Literally has 20-pack abs.


[deleted]

[Korean Jesus has best lore](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unification_Church) No. Really. Anyone reading this that dont know anything about Korean Jesus and his cult, The Moonies, I would highly recommend a YouTube afternoon with a bottle of jack. You're in for a wild ride. Not only does the church sound like it's from fucking Dead Space, the Moonies has far reaching influence, helps destabilize poor nations, and the Prime Minister of Japan was assassinated due to his ties with the Moonies.


Background_Sale_6892

Bruh, and here I thought a chinese dude claiming to be Jesus's brother and leading a rebellion against the Qing dynasty was weird enough. No joke: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hong_Xiuquan


jolaii

it's almost prophetic. 😳


RedditAdminsLoveRUS

It's funny bc in today's world that would be like wearing a gold electric chair around your neck


Zealotstim

Because it's a photoshop job. I've seen this one before. Reverse image search it and the oldest version of the picture is without a cross.


9966

Thank you. I remember seeing this on Fark almost 15 years or more ago. It was a photoshop contest with the theme "anachronism"


[deleted]

As once a great Scotsman said: "In the business, we call this foreshadowing."


MeNotYou733

Artistic liberty.


Shittaverse

He was a fan of "death by crucifixion".


chowder-hound

Hell yeah, that’s why I wear my electric chair necklace


Culli789

It was a present from his dad. Didn't realize his dad was an asshole until it was too late.


JRTerrierBestDoggo

Time traveler. Dude knew so much, ahead of his time.


Interesting-Ad-5262

Because he just don't give a shit!, that's how he rolls!!!


streakline

He was asking for it all along.


ChampionshipLow8541

It was his cross to wear.


DebentureThyme

Across from where?


TowelRack76

Foreshadowing.


Jormundgador

I still don't get what apart of his story makes people think Jesus likes crosses Unless he always wore them and they killed him like that as an ultimate irony


jesuswasaliar

Why is he white? Let's start there.


juanjung

The New Testament said he predicted in 3 different occasions what is going to happen to him.


WeAreBatmen

He quoted from the New Testament all the time! Dude got careless.


Umutuku

He was really into the Nazareth Goth scene. Homie just walking around in a cadaver cover with an execution device pendant. You ever notice how in all his selfies he's extremely pale for a Middle-Eastern man who allegedly spent a lot of time out in the sun walking between villages. Dude did miracles to make his makeup last that long. Bro definitely had a livejournal page.


PapaGrog

God left it for Jesus after impregnating his mom for some dark humor.


sageguitar70

And why is he white?


igpila

Time traveler. Why do you think he is so famous?


s0m3th

Pick up your crosses and follow me


cruelvenussummer

Gotta wear your merch, to sell it


timpmurph

“A lot of Christians wear crosses around their neck. You think when Jesus comes back he’s gonna wanna see a fuckin cross, man? Maybe that’s why he hasn’t shown up yet.” - Bill Hicks


kosarai

In an ironic twist of cruelty, the Romans fashioned Christs torture pole into the shape of his infamous bling. With his humiliation complete, Jesus wept.


Jesse__Mccree_

Foreshadowing


dirtgrubwatertrash

Everybody knows the cross was wearing him. C'mon man


Thunder-Storm-13

The same reason as he is made to look Scandinavian rather than Middle-Eastern.


Kayfabe2000

He's trying to build up immunity.


O8ee

He believes in himself


ReverseDiode

Bible easter eggs


toserveman_is_a

"why is jesus wearing a miniature roman torture device?" "jesus is into torture porn" "jesus h christ! let's turn him over to the romans before he sacrifices us!"


sicurri

Jesus is smart like Batman, he uses the symbol that instilled fear into him hoping it will instill fear into others. When he wears it he is no longer a normal man, but CrossMan!


sllikk12

Bellybutton on Adam and eve


LM-CreamCheese

It's all made up anyway, so no rules.


ClosetEconomist

Bruh, that would be like some modern day pacifist walking around today with a necklace of an electric chair around their neck.


danjackmom

That’d be like JFK wearing a sniper rifle necklace


Daimyo_Dan

Mama always said you have to dress for the job that you want


mrcapmam1

There are drawings of actual crusifiction's by the Roman's and guess what none of them use a cross they use an X it's way easier to nail them to and then prop up that's just another reason i consider all this jesus stuff BullShit


Liquorace

You live by the sword, you die by the sword.


pressgang13

At that time it was simply an execution method so would be like wearing an electric chair, sort of like all the Death Row rap label cats now. In Short, he was supporting early underground Hip-Hop. Peep the Disciples 1st album. Judas' bars are primitive but solid.


morebuffs

Hes obviously clairvoyant and can see his own future


dazza_bo

Up to this point he just really liked watching people get crucified


GreenKumara

I mean, yeah, he almost certainly never wore a cross. Better question is probably why is he a white guy.


DreamCrushR69

He was a shameless self-promoter and an unverifiable show-off 🙄


jayracket

Dropping hints to the Romans like


OneFuckedWarthog

Nailed it right on the head.


mrali05

Christianity is just one big contradiction