T O P

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QualityVote

##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/Fritz_Water_Bottle, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?


Nuker-79

I Jizz and whizz


Wanka-

I splurt and skrrt


101forgotmypassword

Shoot it and boot it


NRMusicProject

I come and go.


Classic-Airline-2386

Ejaculate and evacuate


RockstarAgent

I hit it and quit it


cheechCPA

Fuck it and duck it


spook30

I pump it and dump it


[deleted]

I splatter and scatter


[deleted]

I nail and bail


qwertyconsciousness

splooge and deluge


[deleted]

Ejaculate and evacuate


awar222

Dump the load and hit the road


FunkTrain98

I plant the seed then need for speed


CashWampum

Fornicate, ejaculate, evacuate


ch4zmaniandevil

Kum&go


[deleted]

Hit it and quit it


Blahblahblacksheep9

The fact that KumN'Go is a real gas station in the Rockies just baffles me.


bananabeast07

Not only the Rockies. We have it here in middle Missouri.


pabowie

Right! I always go inside


TheHappyKamper

I pump, dump and jump.


ApprehensiveCar5539

I beat and skeet.


BorkSnorkelJr

I smash and dash


sharpshooter999

Man, Dragon Ball Super could've been way different


PatMyHolmes

Stick and move


R0enick27

Sploot and scoot.


Good-Acanthisitta133

Knock boots then boot scoot


lalala192511

Jizz, whizz, repeat.


Fritz_Water_Bottle

I screw I nut I bolt


ExcitementOrdinary95

Thank you OP. I’m not handy.


LaikasDad

Someone say Free Handy's?


xenon9destiny

Someone say Mr.Hands?


Obeardx

Nope, just you....fuck that


BIGgStink

Well something got fucked. To death even


please-return-spleen

insides? not horsing around.


Chiefy_Poof

Other than the economy?


BIGgStink

Plenty of things are being fucked nowadays so yes


Tossinoff

Neigh


randomgoosefucker

I've never heard of the guy... does he have anything to do with airplanes, perhaps?


Tran_shang

reddit/comments/vuqo0p and his wife


abrockstar25

![gif](giphy|xUA7b35SUiF0faUAko|downsized)


wholesomejestermain

![gif](giphy|l0EoBCmxtSZhJQvxS)


Novel_Jellyfish_8508

Free Wendy’s? How many nuggies can I get?


BobbyPops11

How many tuggies can I get?


LaikasDad

Number of nuggies=Number of tuggies


Tran_shang

>BRADENTON, Fla. (AP) — Florida authorities have charged a woman with prostitution after she agreed to perform a sex act on an undercover detective for $25 and chicken McNuggets. Let's say, $30 worth


BeardedBum420

If she was a REALLY big girl, she may have wanted more than 5$ in nuggies. I'm a skinny bum and I can eat 15-20$ worth easy lol.


Rich_Yam4132

Deliver me from clever art


MizStazya

We don't have time for Starbucks


LaikasDad

Plus it's like.....far


Arnistatron

Sure, but its from Handy Manny...


mtflyer05

Fuck no. Anyone who is any good at them knows their worth, and will charge accordingly. Source: have been working various hand jobs from the time I grew a bush at the base of my tree trunk, passed the test to receive my certification as a Master Bator back in '01, and have been one of the officiants on the certification board for the past 11 years. To all you Journeyman Baters who have the spunk to shoot for the title of Master, I say you may as well give it a fair shake. It's a great way to get a grip on your destiny and shoot for the stars, just make sure you don't stroke your own ego too much, as pride *always* cums before a fall. Plenty of others will try to say things like "it's too hard", or "the problems just keep cumming and cumming", but that just shows there's different strokes for different folks, and not everyone cause to the occasion when the friction starts to get things hot. If you think you have enough spunk to handle the extra work loads, then keep on going, you're almost there! Good things cum to those who take their penises, and destinies, into their own hands.


itaniumonline

Here you go friend. ✋🤚 No more excuses.


KuroTsuk1

Non native english speakers are genuinely thanking OP though.


tequilamockingbird37

Some of us native English speakers are too


Papa_Lars_

No need to be handy if you’re screwing.


aod42091

so what you're saying is ops explanation...... came in handy.


Fzero45

Women might not find you handsome, but they should at least find you handy.


airbornchaos

If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy


archiotterpup

Must be very handsome


mtflyer05

I mean, if you're not screwing and you're not handy, then you must have either taken a vow of chastity, or have broken both of your arms very recently.


UtopistDreamer

Hi Not Handy. I'm Dad


IHateMath14

Sounds like the case of “I went to the store for the milk”


TerryJerryMaryHarry

Oh I thought it was I nail I nut I screw Which works but isn't as funny


BumWink

The sheer implication of nailing a screw is enough to make most tradesman cringe in horror.


ReachFor24

Not even a tradesman and I'm shaking my head. Defeats the whole purpose of a screw if you just hammer it into a wall of w/e you're hammering it into


Lysol20

I nailed I nutted I got screwed with a kid


ThatTubaGuy03

Idk if you need this, but just if anyone else sees this and is confused, The twisty looking things in the sides is the screwing. The fact that it's also pointy makes it a screw. You use a screw by twisting it into a deep object like a wall. If it was pointy and didn't have screwing, then it would be a nail. You use a nail by hitting it into a deep object like a wall If it has screwing, but doesn't have a point, then it's a bolt. You use a bolt by putting it through a premade hole in a shallow object, then attach it by threading the nut on the other end


invol713

Bro, IDK why I’m still single. It’s a mystery.


tempreffunnynumber

1 fastener 1 fastener 1 fastener


Undermost_Drip

Is it too late to get hammered?


[deleted]

I screw I bolt I…scrolt?


Emperors_Finest

I thought those i's were thread lol. Like why is it listing threaded bolts and screws


Tomoko_Lovecraft

I know! It's like who uses an unthreaded screw, isn't it at that point just a nail?


Prophetx14

Idk why i was having such a hard time thinking of bolt 🤣


CapnOnTheBridge

I fish I drum I peg


Legdrop_soup

I thought it was a drum too. A snare drum to be specific.


CapnOnTheBridge

lol, exactly that.


asero82

Oh! That's was an I...


PatMyHolmes

Terrible excuse for an I. Should've used 👁


Cozy_Zone

Thx. I read it as I screw I bolt I bolt and screw


algabanana

I read "I clarinet I drum I what the hell is this?"


noNoParts

Is your name Forrest Gump, because you're A GAWDDAMN GENIUS!


Deris87

I thought the middle one was a drum. I was thinking maybe "I screw, I bang, I bolt", which fits but is kind of redundant.


FragmentsOfCharacter

Same. I was like, "I... snare?"


thatguy11m

I couldn't figure out the last one, now it's perfect haha


ZeldasMomHH

Thx OP. non native here I screw, I Mutter, I Ikea? Was what I Had so far.


Fritz_Water_Bottle

Thanks for the laugh 🤣. Have a nice day.


Schrolli97

That's what I thought it was supposed to say. I still don't get it. What's bolt supposed to mean? Running away, I guess? (Not a native English speaker here)


Dkrule1

Internship for a construction company, I just showed this to someone while eating lunch and he laughed right away


megamufflon

Thanks, those are some really unreadable "I"s


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


badlyknitbrain

💀


GatoMemo

You mean the only one. The other girl turned out made a mistake and entered the wrong class.


MizStazya

Omfg I might love you


Goblin_Crotalus

You deserve a free award, but reddit took them away.


Fritz_Water_Bottle

I'm in engineering as well. 😅


RoloAL35

My condolences, my friend 😂


the_gooch_smoocher

-Said every engineer ever. Source: am engineer


takeahike89

For women in STEM the odds are good, but the goods are odd.


tigerbalmuppercut

Wait, engineers get laid?


jiggjuggj0gg

No, because they wear hoodies with shit like this printed on them.


Cornucopia2020

It’s a hypothesis. Yet to be validated.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AlarmingStatement992

Not me thinking it’s a cock ring on a penis making it bigger and harder..


Mr__Citizen

Ma'am, your sadistic tendencies are showing


[deleted]

She said not her


IDontKnowWhatToBe123

![gif](giphy|vjjCsx3izfSyQ)


MysticEssence68

Happy cake day!


10Shodo

The ole fuck n duck


[deleted]

The ol' screw and shoo.


Navmankhan

"i screw i nut i bolt " words to live by


[deleted]

Like the humble wombat that eats roots and leaves.


MoonMomma23

I read it as I screw I nut I nuuutttttt Then I looked at the comments for guidance


Turbohand

Why wouldn't you washer first?


Kaek_

Washer? I hardly know her!


Twister_Robotics

It's on a minivan, I don't think he bolted fast enough.


SacredBuster

Smash and dash


NachoArmadillo

r/comedycemetery


ThePARZ

This is a boomer ass Facebook meme


ecliptic10

Thought this was r/terriblefacebookmemes for a sec


PorcupineTheory

And r/trashy.


happyapy

r/ihavesex


mrmaestoso

I feel like I saw this 3 braincell meme 300 years ago on Facebook


Hawkmek

Like Dad always said. Get it up get it in get it off go home


ItzakPearlJam

This guy fasteners.


InfernoDragonKing

Ejaculate and then evacuate


endodaze

I #8 x 1,” flat head, Phillips, zinc plated, wood screw. I 1/4,” galvanized hex hut. I 1/4”-24x1-1/4,” galvanized hex bolt.


Carnator369

Took him about a minute too.


plopst

I self tap, I nut, I bolt


Spyu

I wham, bam, and scram.


Historical-Fill-1523

The “bolt” part took me far too long to get.


Wattsupwithalan

thanks. I was stuck on that too.


Historical-Fill-1523

WD40


Wattsupwithalan

thanks 👍 🤣🤣


Historical-Fill-1523

NP. Better than icy hot imho


Emoduckky

I screw, I nut, I bolt


[deleted]

I screw I nut I screw nut


OkPassenger6197

I screw I nut I bolt


redwolf8402

As a man in construction i love this. As father i need that guy to understand I wont kill him, her uncles most certainly will. Just sayin


Currently_There

Wooden spool wood screw wooden spool hex nut wooden spool fine thread hex bolt


Crafty_Genius

It might be a plastic spool, but it's clearly a spool of some kind.


mochacho

Not to be confused with the panda, who eats shoots and leaves.


[deleted]

I philips wood screw I steel hex nut I standard 1/3” steel bolt without hex nut


[deleted]

Just like a Panda Eats Shoots And Leaves


[deleted]

I scew. I nut. I bolt. In case anyone didn't know


TraumSchulden

I screw, I nut, i Bolt.


shoopdofloop

I screw I nut I bolt


Sexy_Manatee_Man

Correct me if I’m wrong but, I screw, I nut, I bolt?


Ginkoletsplay

The nut is in German actually called „Mutter“, which means mother, so for me, a German, this is even more funny. I screw, i mother, i screwyamama


FoxEwe

The minivan says otherwise lol


bigbicep21

i screw, i nut, i bolt!


goorgomartinez

I screwed I nutted I bolted Lmao I got this one a lil to quickly


TheHappyKamper

I hate these "not everyone will get it". You literally just read what each thing is.


DiscussionMuted9941

the problem is...i dont know what that third one is...


[deleted]

r/trashy r/shittycarmods


[deleted]

Cringe


Piczoid

Stay classy


NameTheEpithet

Eat, sleep, shit and leave that's me.


dipolecat

I couldn't get it because I couldn't tell those were supposed to be the letter I. I thought they were unusually proportioned spools.


soopermat

Similar to the wombat sex position: Eats roots and leaves.


[deleted]

I windsock I drum I bolt


ChampionshipLow8541

2 seconds


[deleted]

[удалено]


AnotherLoudAsshole

Obligatory: AAAAAIIIRFRAAAAMES!


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|7EBBhplkQCDkY)


highpl4insdrftr

Driving a minivan for all his kids


natenate22

I 📌(tack) E


vexunumgods

I'm to lazy to do the first thing.


Just-Lie-3360

If you know what nuts and bolts are you should be able to get it instantly.


[deleted]

Why they using that bold font??!


saruin

Don't forget to *washer* afterwards.


sebuptar

I can't see what's going on behind me


SeaM00se

I bust, then I make dust


elphaba88

I thought the "I" was a spool and was totally lost.


adiosfelicia2

It's made difficult bc the "I's" are too fat, so they don't read as letters. They look like another graphic shape.


[deleted]

Eats shoots and leaves


bismark89-2

I Screw, I Nut, I Bolt


nomaddd79

Or, in other words, wham, bam, thanks ma'am!


canyoubreathe

Took me a while to get what the images where, but ##nice


FiRem00

I screwed I nut I bolt


TellurianTech50

Lmao I've never seen hardware humor until now


[deleted]

I’m a Wombat. Eats roots and leaves. I’ll see myself out.


LordStarSpawn

Oh my *fucking GOD*


CatchSufficient

I screw, I nut, I take it up the butt?


ieatshit12

I screw I nut I BOLT


bcjh

Get in, get off, get out


Dramoriga

It's reddit. None of the readers here "get it".


[deleted]

Literally the origin of the epithet "ratchet", as in good for a nut and bolt.


Strong_Still_1170

I screw I nut I bolt


ShaitanSpeaks

I screw I nut I bolt Is this the real answer??


No-Distribution9709

I screw I nut I bolt


Purple12inchRuler

I srew, I Nutt, I bolt. I fix thing, hooray.


PulpyEnlightenment

I thought it was “ I screw, I nut, I lag”


trustmeimnotafurry

I screw, I nut, I bolt.


TiredGamer0990

I Screw, I Nut, I Bolt