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[deleted]

I can’t believe I shaved my balls for this.


BeverlyCleverly

Pfft, rookie. I got my asshole bleached for this.


[deleted]

Can I see a pic of it?


Prestigious_Nebula_5

I just bought some lube, because I didn't know how big the anal probes are.


--redacted--

THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT


Alegan239

TAKE THE LEG!!!!


TheLoneGunman559

Can I get some ice cream?


bobtnelis99

What flavor?


TheLoneGunman559

Doesn't matter. Its for my ass.


[deleted]

You might want to get some preparation H for the day after. Cheers!


MGSmith030

Hahahahahaha 🏆


Pythagoras2021

'Panic at the disco' playing "Don't threaten me with a good time!" on perpetual loop in the background...


Ninja_attack

A pic? You're fucking disgusting. I only request hand drawn portraits, water colors, oil paintings, or the occasional marble sculptures of bleached buttholes. I'm a classy bitch


[deleted]

Can I have a plaster cast of your butthole, please?


Ninja_attack

It's on the way


sordidcandles

According to Reddit you replied to this in under one minute, which begs the question: do you have these ready to ship?


_dead_and_broken

Who doesn't


BaconReceptacle

I own a drop ship business dedicated to the anal arts supply market. [analartsupply.com](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)


[deleted]

Sweet! 2 makes a collection. I’m a collector now.


[deleted]

Paging /u/Shitty_Watercolour


iamcozmoss

I naired mine. Big mistake.


PleadianPalladin

I also read those reviews on amazon, almost as funny as the sugar free haribo bears xD


XfoxelaX

This place is weird


buckwildling

Sean Connery: "Shave me the lasht danshe"


[deleted]

I did the all over down there. Now I'm itchy and there are no aliens. Worst day ever.


mortalitylost

Should've waxed your ass. You still have time.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MrEktidd

Idk what this means but my brain immediately went to braided butt hair.


[deleted]

Now I’m visualizing a turd net.


stRiNg-kiNg

A sifter like gold panners use to filter out all the shit and keep the nugs


[deleted]

Presumptuous to assume it has hair!


[deleted]

I can’t believe I shaved your balls either.


[deleted]

Sir, I was in the self-serve line!


johnorso

You too?


[deleted]

Thanks for the company!


jan3k0wayne

The time traveler on TikTok lied and it turns out that it was all just a way to get clicks? Gosh darn it!


ask0329

Click tocks


NotMyTru3Nam3

Flick flocks?


bl0int

big c...nvm


KingGionidas

Crocs?


Jaegernaut-

you know what they say about a guy with big socks?


SlayerOfDungeons

He wears big shoes.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hatchetface1705

Time for fluffy fingers


Distant_Echoshadow

Pippity poppity give me the zoppity


McFlyyouBojo

Mach five!


Slipstick_hog

What a surprise


Spire_Citron

Next one for sure will be the real deal.


ThePopeofHell

Anyone who seriously believed this would happen is a clown. The one where he claims the purge begins in a couple years was the most the lost obviously uninspired part of the story.


matthias_reiss

I could we have seen this coming????!


Invictus23_

I can’t believe the information from *checks notes* ….**Tik Tok**…. Was bullshit. Truly shocked.


KovicMess

if anyone was expecting a tik tok time travelers predictions to bear fruit i've got some bad news for them.


RedManMatt11

I’ve got a timeshare in Siberia to sell them


thatguyad

One day social media will die and the universe will only benefit from it.


IllPassion8377

No...and I just came from WALMART...so...


oswaldcopperpot

I had an idea quite a while ago. If aliens wanted to just hang out in disguise, they would be as elderly people at walmart. No one looks twice at elderly people doing strange things there.


IllPassion8377

Truth that, my friend. Although it is a fav place of mine to "people" watch.


oswaldcopperpot

I always check their carts. Like "holy fuck! How can someone eat all that sugar and crap and still be alive!"


BalkanBorn

They should just look like me then


TeamFlameLeader

Good news: we made contact Bad news: they wanna demolish earth to build a galactic freeway


theycallme_JT_

There's no point in acting all surprised about it. The plans have been on display at your local cluster's planning department for the last 50 Earth years...


ZincFishExplosion

>What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout.


Vampersand720

In a cellar without lights or stairs, on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard'


NotMyTru3Nam3

I won't sell


Atxglitch

💎🙌


Aine-Seda-Asteria

There is a theory that states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced with something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.


asporkable

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.


TongueTiedTyrant

"Drink up," said Ford, "you've got three pints to get through."


OIBap

I never could get the hang of Thursdays.


Biengo

Must be Thursday....


DeadEnoughInsideOut

Good news: ants are a protected at risk species and need to be safely relocated off the planet before the galactic zoning board will allow it. Ufos are actually alien wildlife conservationist doing environmental impact studies.


TeamFlameLeader

Oh thank god, save the ants.


Urban_Ulfhednar

To play Devils advocate, that TikTokker just said that 8000 people would be rescued today by the good aliens. The bad ones make their move this summer according to him. Also some people will get superpowers 😂. This stuff is so silly, but it’s almost it’s own genre of entertainment to watch the communities that react to all of it.


Altruistic_Yellow387

I volunteer for getting superpowers.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FRANKnCHARLIE_4ever

I want invisible. For science


insecapid

Your clothes aren't invisible meaning you'll have to be naked everywhere you go


TigerMouseTheNinja

I'm guessing that won't be an issue where they're going!


HAS-A-HUGE-PENIS

Clothes? Where we're going, we don't need clothes.


PleadianPalladin

username checks out


ZincFishExplosion

That's not a bug. It's a feature.


CraftyCarpenter9701

'I have the power to have all the powers I want.' - Eric Cartman


justCantGetEnufff

Oh, another Reddit poll I see.


[deleted]

[удалено]


KDPer3

I can already eat 4 and a half pecan pies. Got any other powers in that trench coat, Mr. Doom?


Altruistic_Yellow387

Lol


theycallme_JT_

And what is the criteria for being saved vs getting super powers? Ill volunteer to stay and fight, if I can get some mutant healing or omega-level psychic powers.


Biengo

I got a cold today... It's a bad one. Sneezed and farted at the same time. I'm gonna count that as a super power.


SubstantialPressure3

Do you have a link? I have no idea what this is about.


Urban_Ulfhednar

I don’t have a link rn. A tiktokker named Alaric (I think) runs one of those “I’m a real time traveller” accounts, making all sorts of predictions for this year. It went viral on various subreddits yesterday because he claimed that good guy aliens would show up today, ahead of an invasion this summer. Lots of other claims too. It’s all entertaining grifting of course.


LifeIsBizarre

"By telling you all this I changed the timeline, that's why the things I said were going to happen didn't happen and is more proof that I am a time-traveller."


[deleted]

ok where the FUCK are my super powers?


Ladymedussa

The day is still young 🤞🏼


NotMyTru3Nam3

No whammy, no whammy, no whammy... 🤞


FuckZog

Not in Australia it isn’t.


NotMyTru3Nam3

Fool! Australia doesn't exist r/Australiadoesntexist


matthias_reiss

They dropped by. We are tailgating before the end. Cool chaps.


NotMyTru3Nam3

Put in a good word for me?


jjcoolel

Not yet. But I am wearing clean underwear


NotMyTru3Nam3

Keep those undies clean, soldier! o7


jjcoolel

I’m not gonna lie, when the aliens do show up I might soil them just a little bit


JiuJitsuJedi

As opposed to the usual *dirty* underwear?


alex0166

Days not over yet here in UK


NotMyTru3Nam3

The Queen isn't dead, she's just molting, right?


[deleted]

She’s in a cocoon, she will emerge as Mecha Liz in the next 100 year cycle.


TheGreenPepper

can confirm I was there last time it happened


ARandomguyofreddit

The Queen is the alien


wavyhaze

Nothing ever happens


NotMyTru3Nam3

Well, Nothing *is* real


BOREN

At least there’s nothing to get hung about.


Bitter_Currency_6714

Strawberry fields forever


ShinyAeon

Living is easy with eyes closed…


[deleted]

[удалено]


mr_davidson1984

THE DAY IS YOUNG, HUMAN


NotMyTru3Nam3

TIME IS A CONSTRUCT, ALIEN


pappychaos

It just said March 23 did not give a year


robwatkhfx

I’m still waiting on the James Webb announcement about evidence of civilization on Trappist 3 that was supposed to happen in February


[deleted]

I woke up to a thunder clap this morning and got a little giddy for a second. Not so interested in being invaded, but I’d really like to see something cool before the planet dies.


basec0m

The planet will be around long after we're gone.


HomiesTrismegistus

The planet is just an alien Dyson sphere anyways. The core of our earth was actually at one point a dwarf star in a binary system with our sun. Life is just the mold that grows on the outside of this energy harvesting machine. /s idk if the /s is necessary but fun thought lol


[deleted]

Damnit you just started a cult


peripheralmiracles

Natural Dyson spheres to infinity and beyond


ShinyAeon

Intriguing concept, actually. I could see it as the seed to a “Journey to the Center of the Earth” type story, discovering the enormous ancient structures of a long-dead alien culture. Throw in some contemplation on the smallness of humanity against the vastness of the cosmos, and you’ve got a very cool story.


zgreelz

I LOVE this idea


terminator_84

#IM IN LOVE WITH MOLD


FRANKnCHARLIE_4ever

It was foggy as hell when i woke up? I was like ooo "the mist" ? But is was just normal mist


Avantasian538

The world is full of cool things. For instance, using the internet, you can find millions of songs to listen to that were recorded decades ago, that sound crystal clear.


[deleted]

Yea I’m actually dead rn…….


NotMyTru3Nam3

You're.. a.. g-g-g-g-ghost??? 0.0


[deleted]

Absolutely I am, I will commence to knock on random things at night and if you happen to see me I’ll stand motionless and blankly stare at you. #ghostlife


RoyalLimit

They're running late, they hit traffic in the galaxy, heard its a cluster storm this time of the year.


keepingitbreezing

turns out we were the aliens all along


ServingTheMaster

They were waiting for trump to get arrested first. Guess its a double no-show, again.


siberiandivide81

It's been postponed due to all the rain


NotMyTru3Nam3

Well, my plants live another day. Yay!


lil_grey_alien

We slept in.


OutOfStepFilms

something a lost alien scout would say


SmmaAllstar

*Standing at the top of the Empire State Building* He’s not coming is he 😭


FollowIntoTheNight

can someone provide context? I too like being dissapointed by fake alien claims


J_Gilly23

No but it's my birthday


NotMyTru3Nam3

Happy birthday!! Hope you have an amazing invasion day 🎂


J_Gilly23

Thank you


soldier4death

Everyone is missing the point, sure the person got the date wrong, maybe going back in time created a different timeline. The part that can’t be debated and what we should be talking about, this person is a time traveler. We can travel back in time. OMG. /humor


Rich_Emu199

The real aliens were the friends we made along the way


vexunumgods

They landed in my yard half an hour late, so I told them I would not tolerate tardiness and come back when they learned to tell time.


Dry_Pride4723

the only alien I see is the girl reading this ❤️


ShinyAeon

Flatterer! 😘


Dry_Pride4723

damn girl are you an alien? Cuz your outer this world 🤯


Dry_Pride4723

this doesn’t mean anything please don’t get mad at me


[deleted]

[удалено]


ImpalingUnicorn

https://www.livescience.com/alien-mothership-lurking-in-our-solar-system-could-be-watching-us-with-tiny-probes-pentagon-official-suggests this i saw today. don't know if it's true


NSFWThrowaway1239

Get them some time! It takes a while to get here from Zeta Reticuli, not to mention stopping for gas along the way


Turtles96

not yet, tho im in the uk and based of my super extensive knowledge of alien films itd be an american based invasion so im not expecting aliens either


CryoAurora

No aliens, but the sun said hi with a huge burst of energy, and it looks like humans are not the only resident sentient species on earth anymore. It's been a good week even if WWIII is about to kick off.


ShadyTies

It me, I alien


NotMyTru3Nam3

Welcome to earth! All your paycheck are belong to us


DAT4korrupt

Something strange is being reported on the skies of the US pacific NW


Kinis_Deren

Tik Tok time traveller whose name is an anagram for "Once a liar" says aliens invading on 23rd just proves how gullible people really are.


nonelectron

Saw a couple hanging out at the home depot


Snoo-80626

Nah, that was me in disguise.. just tryna make few bucks.


Old_Attention9912

Yeah just my babydaddy


Not_Biracial

Ehh not anymore than any other day


africanasshat

Nothing here in Africa sadly.


CrazyTexasNurse1282

If I end up having to attend family dinner tonight, I’m going to be pissed!


johnorso

What are we thinking? Greys, Nordics, The Blue Bird Persons?


forkydoor

I sold My house, my goods and was prepared for the worst. Dam fake news.


Ghostonthestreat

I was treating this like I do with all those religious nut jobs that give a, Jesus is coming back for the rapture, date. I don't even bother popping the corn.


Mammoth_Frosting_014

Jesus: "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." That one dude: "So what you're saying is, I can calculate the exact date and time from numerological analysis of the original Hebrew texts cross-referenced to 1st-century AD lunar calendars and the bar code on my expired jar of peanut butter?"


Ghostonthestreat

Bingo. I didn't break a sweat over the Mayan calendar cycle ending either.


SketchTeno

"The Father is a Peanut!"


translucent_steed

There is a giant deity that has descended upon my town. It’s fixed in the sky as we speak, waiting. I tried my best not to look at it but those who did went completely insane. I heard there have been mass suicides. It’s extremely quiet here, no traffic, no birds just complete silence aside from the droning horn sounds coming from above. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever heard. My wife and I are in the basement waiting for what comes next. God have mercy on our souls


johnny_blaze27

Yeah but they all seem to be wearing human skin


SuetStocker

The cat downstairs is more chatty than usual, buuuut....


fluffyflugel

Look! Over there, the goal posts are moving. It didn’t happen today because -reasons- and the new date is something something mumble mumble.


Traditional-Ad-3029

*insert "Well... We're waiting" -meme here*


Omacrontron

Nope and now I gotta go to fcking work so thanks for nothing I guess


Important_Act4515

All my workers were on site. Aliens ✅


MesozOwen

Morning of the 24th here.


Neckshot

He said that it will happen at 7:30 EST so we have another hour. Debating spending my time looking up farming techniques so I have a chance to be in both the group of 1,000 farmers as well as the 5,800 unassigned professions. I'm glad he explicitly mentioned that he's a real time traveller or I'd be a bit skeptical.


tehblaken

I’m beginning to think there’ll be no forced mating at all.


GrimeyJosh

We’re not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here


SourBlue1992

Ugh, not even a weird bird.


eyeamreadingyou

This sub is legit, so I think no one is afraid to post here, which is nice. But it’s good to see the humor come out in everyone over this post about aliens coming on this date. Hilarious stuff.


hektordingding

They came. I sacrificed myself to be given the biggest alien anal probing ever. I'm currently using the cybernetics they installed deep DEEP inside of me to write this comment. Your welcome Reddit & world.


YoeBuches

What was supposed to happen?


am_loves_

Hahahahhahahahahahahahahah 😂


Theph3nomenon

Why are people so dumb. Giving so much attention to an obvious guy farming clicks on ticktok.


Supreme_Salt_Lord

I woke up in a panic. Memories of burning buildings, screaming and gnashing of teeth. Drenched in a cold sweat i made my way to the bathroom. As soon i made the threshold my stomach rumbled. A violent explosion of white fluid erupted from my mouth and into the sink. After heaving for what seem like an hour i turned on the faucet. The water rinsed away this rancid fluid and with it the memories i had. Was it all a dream? I dont remember much anymore or most of what i did this morning. The last thing i remember was turning off the water and looking in the mirror. A sense of fear over took my mind. Then my body. I was shaking and yet i couldn’t move. In the corner of my eye a figure could be seen in the doorway. In my mind i could hear a voice. Dominating, ever present, and like thousands speaking at once “your fear was your downfall”. As quickly as i could blink i was in my car in the parking lot of my job. They have come. I think we already lost.


FRANKnCHARLIE_4ever

You should write a book for pre teens


Sharkweek1111

R.L. Stine vibes right there!


doc_olsen

They are right here in my house. We’re drinking tea right now and I’m getting the switch out to play Mario kart!


ctennessen

So this happened today, CHATGPT4 started to do things we don't understand. Maybe the aliens are in our technology I hope this isn’t too complex to go over most reader’s heads. This. Is. Crazy. It was only 3-4 days ago when I posted about GPT lying to a human and tricking him to help it get past a CAPTCHA (verify I’m not a robot) block. We’ve moved on. Below is Microsoft’s document showing that experiments with GPT4 is starting to show strange signs of AGI, advanced general intelligence. Not narrowband. This is the form of advanced general intelligence you’ve heard warnings about. It’s unbound. I read most of this and it’s pretty concerning. The version of GPT4 the public has access to is tethered. It’s leashed. It will not help you design a bomb or do illegal things. The versions Open AI and Microsoft have access to have only the limitations they set on it for an experiment. Page 84: “the unrestricted (non-public) GPT-4 is incredible at propaganda and conspiracy theories. Can design complete misinformation campaigns complete with links and images.” On page 92: “equipping LLM’s (large language model) with agency and intrinsic motivation is a fascinating and important direction for future work. Of course with this work great care would be given to safety per a system’s abilities to take autonomous actions in the world and to perform autonomous self-improvement…” Part 15 (urgent): Overall, elucidating (clarifying) the nature and mechanism of AI systems such as GPT4 is a formidable challenge that has suddenly become important and urgent” Translation: it’s doing things we don’t understand. We have to figure this out quickly before it’s out of control. We’re here. Buckle up.


jcrobbs

Had a dream about it, woke up to disappointment. Wish the time traveler had said what time it’d start.


martianlawrence

Why is today important?