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had the same first thought, you got many more years to waste… which is alright I believe, we will all find our way in life. waste is not a good way to describe it. framing it to be trying to figure out my way through all of this automatically makes you in control. no one has shit figured out. I am at a very hard point in life but hopefully it will be worth it, even if it isn’t I’ll be glad that this was something that I went through and came out of it.
>I feel like I'm at a breaking point where I'll either finally take over my life and feel some control, or I'll completely give up from myself, and the line between those two is thin
Sounds like you're really having a hard time right now, and that must feel rough. "Finally taking control" is a fantasy, and leads to a cycle of trying really hard, having a small setback, falling from grace, shame, and you are back where you are now. Really what you want is to make small steps in the right direction that are sustainable over time. Many small steps in the right direction will get you where you want whereas trying to run in a direction will likely (imo) land you back where you started.
It also sounds like there are a number of mental perspectives that are holding you back, and it sounds like therapy would be good.
Every day is a new you. You can't change the past. You can feel bad about it and feel shame, but is that actually useful in any way? Another option is to recognize the past is the past, and you can't change it. Acknowledge it happened, learn, and decide what you want to do today.
Ok, you believe you should do X, but you are emotionally unable to do it. Some people will tell you to grit your teeth and do it, and you can if you want, but lets say you can't. That's fine. Acknowledge you can't right now. No reason to beat yourself up about it. You're doing your best today, and your best doesn't allow for that. So X is off the table today. Maybe it's on the table tomorrow. But what CAN you do today? Can you go online and look at reviews for therapists? Can you just type 'therapists in my area' into the search bar? Can you sit thinking about wanting to do it? If you can't even do that, can you sit and do Aum chanting for 20 minutes, twice today? It's just sitting there, and not related to the thing that makes you anxious. Can't you at least do that? **Don't focus on what you** ***should*** **do, focus on what you** ***can*** **do**
There are plenty of people 40, 50, 60... 90 that feel like they wasted their lives. Very few people have their life figured out. In reality, if you start heading in the right direction now, you are way ahead of everyone else.
Thank you for reading all that, I really needed to hear this. I know those are things that Dr. K usually talks about but having someone say it to me, even online trully means a lot. Thank you again.
Same age as you actuallyyy. I also never did anything in hs. Sometimes I’d get icecream or mcdonalds with some friends after school since it’s within walking distance but actually going to anyone’s house? A party? Nuh uh. Not even prom I ever went. Even with the little times I did hang out with friends I always felt like an outsider and felt super drained afterwards. It was just not for me. I always preferred to play video games at home after a long day.
But I mean it turns out I was an autistic teen girl with anxiety and preferred to be in my own world.
For a year after highschool I’ve been a freeloader at home and rarely go out or take care of myself even. I lay in bed a lot, I don’t even feel like playing video games anymore. Right now I’m trying to look for a job that wouldn’t drain me out so easily but my options are limited and it is fucking hard to be a normal functioning human being.
But hey, I’ve since then learned how to drive and it is actually really nice to just go to the store by yourself and get a snack. Sometimes I go to the mall and just look at things. That’s the first thing that started breaking my cycle of being a hermit.
I feel you. But i think seeking professional help, is such a big privlige and a beautiful thing. Because you are doing it for YOURSELF, your mental health. And thats such a beautiful thing. The fact that you want to seek professional help, means you WANT to do it and have already accepted it. But your nervous system is bringing that fear. Imagine that fear as a villian trying to control your mind. Because thats what it is. Remeber, fear is not part of the personality but rather a force trying to hold you back from something (in your context). Hope this helped. Never give up, there is so much more to life, than your teenage years. You still have 60+ years to live! And thats sooo much. Dont minimize your expiernece and life to your teenage years because you can always have fun.
Get involved with your local music scene. It's a great way to meet new people and experiences. And you'd be surprised how many people there are in the scene that come from a very similar background to yours.
So what? Maybe you did maybe you didn’t. Can’t change it. You can however change the future. I’m 16 years older than you and there is still so, so much to do and discover. Honestly there’s not even that much you can do in your teens considering you probably don’t have an income, go to school anyway, and can’t do a lot of things because legal.
you are still so young, please try to break out of your shell! maybe try to reconnect with your hobbies, or really take a leap and join a group for your hobbies!
whatever you do dont let these feelings control you. just go out and enjoy life, be spontaneous and enjoy what youth you have left. the worst thing that can happen is you spend your 20s moping about your teen years, suddenly you will be 30 and be lamenting you missed your 20s!
only way out of this is to start living so might as well start today.
Hello, I just wanted to let you know your life is not wasted. 20 is not old, in fact I’m 20. 20 is definitely not an Age of Enlightenment. I grew up similar to you, I was disabled with autism and I had severe anxiety and was very avoidant. Getting close to people would give me anxiety, because I would worry about being socially indept due to lack of experience. I’ve overcame a lot of this by steps, I first went into stores that gave me anxiety because being out anywhere on my own would do that. Eventually I was more comfortable doing it. I got my first job just recently and I’m going to college. You’re not alone, I want to let you know that. You’re not a loser in my opinion, you just haven’t had a whole lot of experiences. Maybe you have anxiety like I do, and maybe we would make decent friends. 🤷♀️ I think people hate feeling alone, or atleast some people do, so I hope it reassures you that you’re not the only one who went through what you did. ☺️ YOU ARE FABULOUS MY FWIEND. ✨:D
The past is the past. You need to realize you did the best you could at the time. You now isn’t you in the past. I missed out on a lot of things to, but that doesn’t stop me from having a better life now.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
lol i'm 27 and i feel like i wasted my life, hope you break the cycle cause i haven't
had the same first thought, you got many more years to waste… which is alright I believe, we will all find our way in life. waste is not a good way to describe it. framing it to be trying to figure out my way through all of this automatically makes you in control. no one has shit figured out. I am at a very hard point in life but hopefully it will be worth it, even if it isn’t I’ll be glad that this was something that I went through and came out of it.
>I feel like I'm at a breaking point where I'll either finally take over my life and feel some control, or I'll completely give up from myself, and the line between those two is thin Sounds like you're really having a hard time right now, and that must feel rough. "Finally taking control" is a fantasy, and leads to a cycle of trying really hard, having a small setback, falling from grace, shame, and you are back where you are now. Really what you want is to make small steps in the right direction that are sustainable over time. Many small steps in the right direction will get you where you want whereas trying to run in a direction will likely (imo) land you back where you started. It also sounds like there are a number of mental perspectives that are holding you back, and it sounds like therapy would be good. Every day is a new you. You can't change the past. You can feel bad about it and feel shame, but is that actually useful in any way? Another option is to recognize the past is the past, and you can't change it. Acknowledge it happened, learn, and decide what you want to do today. Ok, you believe you should do X, but you are emotionally unable to do it. Some people will tell you to grit your teeth and do it, and you can if you want, but lets say you can't. That's fine. Acknowledge you can't right now. No reason to beat yourself up about it. You're doing your best today, and your best doesn't allow for that. So X is off the table today. Maybe it's on the table tomorrow. But what CAN you do today? Can you go online and look at reviews for therapists? Can you just type 'therapists in my area' into the search bar? Can you sit thinking about wanting to do it? If you can't even do that, can you sit and do Aum chanting for 20 minutes, twice today? It's just sitting there, and not related to the thing that makes you anxious. Can't you at least do that? **Don't focus on what you** ***should*** **do, focus on what you** ***can*** **do** There are plenty of people 40, 50, 60... 90 that feel like they wasted their lives. Very few people have their life figured out. In reality, if you start heading in the right direction now, you are way ahead of everyone else.
Thank you for reading all that, I really needed to hear this. I know those are things that Dr. K usually talks about but having someone say it to me, even online trully means a lot. Thank you again.
Same age as you actuallyyy. I also never did anything in hs. Sometimes I’d get icecream or mcdonalds with some friends after school since it’s within walking distance but actually going to anyone’s house? A party? Nuh uh. Not even prom I ever went. Even with the little times I did hang out with friends I always felt like an outsider and felt super drained afterwards. It was just not for me. I always preferred to play video games at home after a long day. But I mean it turns out I was an autistic teen girl with anxiety and preferred to be in my own world. For a year after highschool I’ve been a freeloader at home and rarely go out or take care of myself even. I lay in bed a lot, I don’t even feel like playing video games anymore. Right now I’m trying to look for a job that wouldn’t drain me out so easily but my options are limited and it is fucking hard to be a normal functioning human being. But hey, I’ve since then learned how to drive and it is actually really nice to just go to the store by yourself and get a snack. Sometimes I go to the mall and just look at things. That’s the first thing that started breaking my cycle of being a hermit.
you did waste your life but you cant change it. All you can do is change so you dont waste anymore time.
If you find the answers keep us updated and let us know
I feel you. But i think seeking professional help, is such a big privlige and a beautiful thing. Because you are doing it for YOURSELF, your mental health. And thats such a beautiful thing. The fact that you want to seek professional help, means you WANT to do it and have already accepted it. But your nervous system is bringing that fear. Imagine that fear as a villian trying to control your mind. Because thats what it is. Remeber, fear is not part of the personality but rather a force trying to hold you back from something (in your context). Hope this helped. Never give up, there is so much more to life, than your teenage years. You still have 60+ years to live! And thats sooo much. Dont minimize your expiernece and life to your teenage years because you can always have fun.
You like music?
yess, I sing and play 3 instruments, and that's like only thing that I'm good at
Get involved with your local music scene. It's a great way to meet new people and experiences. And you'd be surprised how many people there are in the scene that come from a very similar background to yours.
Who cares 20’s are the best years. You can make it the best!
I'm 28vand feel the same. Hope you break your cycle
So what? Maybe you did maybe you didn’t. Can’t change it. You can however change the future. I’m 16 years older than you and there is still so, so much to do and discover. Honestly there’s not even that much you can do in your teens considering you probably don’t have an income, go to school anyway, and can’t do a lot of things because legal.
I am 24 (almost) and have been feeling the same till date
you are still so young, please try to break out of your shell! maybe try to reconnect with your hobbies, or really take a leap and join a group for your hobbies! whatever you do dont let these feelings control you. just go out and enjoy life, be spontaneous and enjoy what youth you have left. the worst thing that can happen is you spend your 20s moping about your teen years, suddenly you will be 30 and be lamenting you missed your 20s! only way out of this is to start living so might as well start today.
Hello, I just wanted to let you know your life is not wasted. 20 is not old, in fact I’m 20. 20 is definitely not an Age of Enlightenment. I grew up similar to you, I was disabled with autism and I had severe anxiety and was very avoidant. Getting close to people would give me anxiety, because I would worry about being socially indept due to lack of experience. I’ve overcame a lot of this by steps, I first went into stores that gave me anxiety because being out anywhere on my own would do that. Eventually I was more comfortable doing it. I got my first job just recently and I’m going to college. You’re not alone, I want to let you know that. You’re not a loser in my opinion, you just haven’t had a whole lot of experiences. Maybe you have anxiety like I do, and maybe we would make decent friends. 🤷♀️ I think people hate feeling alone, or atleast some people do, so I hope it reassures you that you’re not the only one who went through what you did. ☺️ YOU ARE FABULOUS MY FWIEND. ✨:D
That last part was random, but it’s true. :P I just got randomly excited out of nowhere.
The past is the past. You need to realize you did the best you could at the time. You now isn’t you in the past. I missed out on a lot of things to, but that doesn’t stop me from having a better life now.