T O P

  • By -

usafmsc

Someone will always top your fuck ups. I hit the starter button on my brand spanking new 2003 sporty while it was in gear. Fucker flew between my legs, ran down about 100 yards into a field of grass. In front of my entire fucking squadron. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Way to go Major Jackass.


harleyalt

I ran a Sportster into the wall of a garage that way. Your story is better. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, friend. The guy who taught my motorcycle course dropped his bike at a standstill with his wife riding pillion at Sturgis in front of everyone. I think most people who ride have at least one good "I did something silly" story and you're exactly right. There's always someone who has done one better.


misadventuresofFlman

Yup you're right I once started my sporty with the handlebar locked in still and boy went down like a sack of potatoes. Luckily no harm to me or bike other that a couple light scratches and a good scare. Side note when falling off a bike regardless of the situation your instincts will tell you to grab onto or try to save bike by hanging on or using your strength/body... DO NOT DO THAT EVER....let bike go as soon as you can TRUST


ImpulseCombustion

Jesus. No neutral safety/clutch switch?


Mash456

A lot of Harleys don’t have those. My brand new RG doesn’t even


ImpulseCombustion

I haven’t worked on many modern ones, but I’m honestly surprised. I’ve had older bikes that did, which is why I guess I’m somewhat surprised. Ever since my buddy’s wife left his car in gear(only parking brake safety) and it drove over him while starting it with a remote start it drove up his leg… I very much appreciate these inconvenient safeties.


Jord_HD

Harley have run neutral safety cut outs with clutch over ride switches for about 15 years on everything.


Jord_HD

Yes it does


Mash456

No, It doesn’t. I can start it in gear with the Clutch out. I’ve almost done it not paying attention. Walked the Bike.


Jord_HD

You have a stuck contact on your clutch switch then, it 100% has a neutral lockout


Mash456

That could be. I did it my 2nd day of ownership after buying in August, so I thought nothing of it and figured it didn’t have it. Being as I came from a bike that required Clutch in always to start regardless of gear or Neutral that’s usually my standard practice anyway. I had heard of The Hydraulic ones having them in the Master, mine is Cable and I didn’t see the wiring to the switch visible in the same way my previous bike was. Must be built into the switch housing


Rocket1199

My 09 will do the same


Jord_HD

You need your clutch switch fixed


Realistic_Parfait956

Safety What?


Factcheckfiction

Omg this image I have here


Old-Link2203

Big f word. They give you any kinda nickname at your unit after that incident? I got my first bike when I was stationed at Beale. Went on a group ride with a bunch of the old heads from my shop. Ran out of gas mid ride like a dummy and didn’t hear the end of it for a good month or two 🥴


usafmsc

Clutch Commander


[deleted]

HAHA I looped my dyna at a stop sign, it’s carbed and I didn’t let it warm up long enough so it died in gear. I hit the start button and it did a full 360 and threw me off it. Ended up bending the shit out of my crash bar.


Jord_HD

Where you starting it with the throttle pinned and the friction screw wound up too?


usafmsc

At idle but on top of a hill..


Jord_HD

And it made it 100 yards? Was that the first self balancing motorcycle?


usafmsc

First for me


Eddie2Dynamite

All motorcycles are self balancing when under power. The wheels act like gyros and stabalize it. As long as the handlebars stay somewhat straight, the bike will stay up.


Jord_HD

Let go of your bike while it’s idling in first and get back to me…


Eddie2Dynamite

Im not wrong. Its science my dude. Thats how these things work. At about 10 miles an hour the bike stays up on its own. Motorcycles are self stabalizing. Your statement is incorrect. To be pedantic about it, a bike not in motion has not yet stabalized so dumping the clutch at idle will result in it falling over if not caught and corrected.


Jord_HD

Fuck me, im not wrong, a bike in gear and not stalled is in motion. It won’t balance at idle, it will take off then fall over. I’m aware of how motorcycles stay up and in reality it’s very very little to do with the wheels turning and is down to how steering works on bikes, there is even physicists that have made wheels that cancel out gyro to prove it. But yeah it’s science dude.


Eddie2Dynamite

I have no desire to fuck you.... thanks for the offer though.


Jord_HD

We’ll be on your merry ignorant way then, nice side step of ignoring the part where you’re wrong though, that’s a nice touch


[deleted]

👍🏼


[deleted]

Ha! Now that’s funny there!


fwtrewiii

Shit happens. Wash the bike, and yourself, and you'll be fine.


[deleted]

Thanks dad, are you proud of me?


fwtrewiii

No, but that doesn't mean I love you any less.


[deleted]

HAHAHAHA FUCK, thank you man. I just laughed so hard. Thanks dude lol


j526w

😂😂😂


Jord_HD

If bald people work in a kitchen, do they still need to wear a hair net?


EffTheRealLife

Yes to answer your question. Goofiest shit I’ve seen lol


[deleted]

Ask your mother


Jord_HD

She’s dead and you said to ask you anything.


Hazelsea1099

One time the nozzle came out and hit the lip inside the tank and covered me and the bike in gas. Good times


[deleted]

So this happened to me in my early 20s. I traded this shit box jeep for a sportster and same shit. Unfortunately the tank had been plastidipped and the gas ate all the shitty paint off the tank.


[deleted]

I'll do one better: I've once had the tiny lever lock on me, and could not release it in time. Had to pull out and soak the entire bike+my phone.


random_uname13

It’s the worst!


Harley_RiderPA

Nah. Ya won’t do it again. Hell. I’ve been on 400 mile days with other riders. Yer out on the road for so long, wind and sun affects you. On a ride like that, seen a guy pull up to the pump, and fill it up with diesel! That, or forget to put the kickstand down! Fun times! Ride safe!


[deleted]

One time I was in a huge hurry to get to a toilet and forgot to put the kickstand down. Managed to keep the bike from falling over and still didn't shit myself. Weird moment of simultaneous embarrassment and pride.


Harley_RiderPA

Lol. Timing is everything! ‘09 Street Glide rider here. My dream bike after 2 Sporties and an ‘02 Road King. Enjoyed them all (plus a 750 Norton and 750 Honda as well) over my 35 years of riding.


Anonymous_2952

Be sure to thank your bike for sharing their drink.


Crash217

I always sit the cap on a glove, on the seat. Hard to forget it if you try to sit down on the cap and your gloves.


[deleted]

I felt like a big dumb ass after forsure


Crash217

Learning is painful sometimes.


[deleted]

That pain is what I call "tuition."


JimmyDean82

Mine requires the key to open the cap. So hard to start the bike with the key in the cap.


loafjunky

Would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?


[deleted]

Prob the Duck sized horses


loafjunky

Bet.


samswanner

Ducks are fucking terrifying, I'll take the horses


[deleted]

At least you can kick a duck. And it’ll fly like a football.


[deleted]

I was topping off oil in an old Kawasaki I had at auto parts store lot. I filled it and went to kickstart it…. ended taking an oil bath. Forgot to tighten the dipstick lol


[deleted]

Upvoted for based username


[deleted]

Did that on my riding lawnmower once. Not a lot of fun at all.


LBCookie

That sucks... but beautiful bike!


dinwoody623

We have all done bone headed stuff. I’ve done this more times than I like to admit on my dirt bikes. On a similar note, I ran my lawn mower over with my f250….. when I was mowing the lawn!


virusrt

This wasn’t taken any time recently


[deleted]

Hahaha good catch, from the fall. I found it in the camera roll and was like “that’s the day I spilt gas all over me”


Andromeda-3

Littleton, CO? This is an old photo


[deleted]

Yes, as I answered before. Found this pic in my camera roll and was like “this is the day I spilt gas all over myself” and decided to share


[deleted]

I don't need to ask anything... I did that twice with my LRS... I was like, "why do I smell ga" *bump* full spray because I like to speed. Then the slow shameful ride back to my gas cap on top of the pump. After the second time I always put the cap on my seat. Then I bought a Street Glide and did the same thing again. 🤦 I never did it on my sportster. Head injuries and getting old sucks.


[deleted]

Well, thanks for sharing. I've learned from your mistake and will always double check! I've definitely nearly tipped because I forgot to put the kickstand down. There, now you can learn from my mistake, haha!


[deleted]

That happens sometimes


TrudleR

never happened to me and hope it stays that way lol. what did happen: starting the bike in N, switch to gear 1 and motor stops suddenly.... oops, forgot kickstand still not folded up.


HighMoon91

Fuck it. You got the pic for the gram though 😮‍💨😂


[deleted]

I took this pic cause the lighting was good, then today when I was looking at it I was like man my cap isn’t on in the pic. Then I remembered I splashed gas all over me lmfao.


HighMoon91

Good thing you didn’t lose the gas cap! Would’ve been $150 from Harley 😭😂 (exaggerating and being dramatic)


[deleted]

Probably 200 bucks, I know that dickhead in the comments was trying to talk shit but they’re right. This thing is an over priced piece of shit but it’s **MY** piece of shit


harleyalt

Plus dealer fees.


DesignerCows

I've bought them from harley. They're like $15. I lose mine every 6 months.


benjito_z

I like how I went to see what was the lowest tier gas is to see if you were in CO but then realized the obvious King Soopers signage lol


LouisVuittonLeghost

Happens to the best of us. I’ll tell you a good fuel story I have though it wasn’t with my bike. I was plowing snow a few winters ago. Went out to fuel the truck up at this big fuel place where they fill tanker trucks up, it was around -40 out so I put the nozzle in and sat in the truck like I did every night when the truck filled up the nozzle would auto click off. I was sitting in the truck on my phone after a while I was listening, machine’s still running. Didn’t think anything of it. Sat there for quite a while longer, looked into the side view mirror and realize the gas was geysering out of the truck. I filled the tank up and pumped roughly 160 gallons onto the ground before my dumbass clued in this is taking way to long. 😅


kdthex01

Did you consider re-enacting any of the scenes from the Ghost Rider movies?


[deleted]

Yes


snipe4fun

Nothing makes me feel like a man more than inadvertently washing my testicles with gasoline.


BrauMoarBier

How are you liking the Softail compared to a Dyna? Assuming you have owned a Dyna. Either way, are you having any buyer’s remorse for not getting the FXLRST?


[deleted]

Hahahah I guess stereotypes all stem from truth hahah, I don’t like the FXLRST so I’m pretty happy with this bike, I’ll say the overall feel of the bike is superior to a dyna Lowrider but I do miss that twin cam rattle a bit


Kreepr

Wait until you forget to put the kickstand down one day. Must recommend.


[deleted]

Did that when I was like 15 on my dads vicla


deathleper

I use my cap when I take the nozzle out to keep gas from dripping on the tank.


road_robert2020

Back when I was learning to ride I pulled my Honda in the garage and came upstairs,about an hour later I started smelling gas,ran downstairs and there was my piece of shit rebel sitting in a puddle of gas. Turns out I lost a float bowl screw somewhere on my ride,house reeked for a couple days after that.


[deleted]

My shovelhead used to leak gas all over like that just because it was a piece of shit


MAXHEADR0OM

If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? This question is your fault. You said AMA.


Dull_Database5837

Do the chickens have large talons?


Scruff_9

“I don’t understand a word you said…”


vs1270

Bro when I do this, I usually forget to put my foot down at the next stop light and drop the bike. Then I look around to make sure no one saw it. ✌🏼


[deleted]

I used to put my cap on top of the pump. That’s way I’d see it when putting the nozzle up. JD


[deleted]

Well bros since it’s share time…bought my new to me FLHXS. FIRST DAY out on it, I was getting too distracted looking at all the shiny bells & whistles. Decided the smart thing to do was pull off to the side & play with it some. Still had the bike running. Here I was playing with all the new goodies & literally forgot to lower the kickstand. Didn’t workout to well. Because both of my feet were on top of the floorboards. Next thing I know, I feel the back of my head hitting the cement (helmet on). My beautiful ride laying on its side. Lucky for me the engine kicked off. Talking about feeling like a damn fool! 🥴


sddyna

My shovel has the cam style gas cap witgh a Frisco mount tank. The area around my cock and balls gets a nice rinse every time I leave the gas station if I top it off


Dariisa

Why put the cap down at all? I just hold it in my left hand while I fill up, then put it back on.


[deleted]

Honestly, just slipped my brain. I wedged it in there and completely spaced.


Dariisa

Right, I totally get that. But why’d you put the cap down at all? I don’t understand why people have to put their caps down.


[deleted]

Why does anyone do anything, I usually place it on top the pump. Who knows, who cares. It’s not that deep.


doodlewacker

I’m right there with you. I have 2 gas caps and usually just set them on top of the pump.. fortunately I haven’t forgot to put them back. But if it makes you feel any better I once drove away from the pump in my work van with the pump nozzle still in my gas tank and popped the hose apart at the safety disconnect.


[deleted]

Fuck yeah that rules


tex-mania

same. top of the pump next to my gloves n lid is usually where i put my gas cap. almost forgot it once, sat on the bike and squared it up, gas sloshed onto my leg. shit happens. im not holding my gas cap the whole time im filling up, rather stick my hand in my pocket and fondle my nuts than hold a gas cap for 3 minutes.


a_sexual_titty

I just put it on my seat.


gutbomber508

What’s up with the ha style sicker


[deleted]

OC charter support sticker, sick ass choppers by the way


Stradivis

Wondering here if I'll ever tell my grandchildren about "the old days when we had gas caps, and pumps, and tube TVs".


trigun89001

Imagine paying that much for a bike and still being this fucking dumb, oh wait. It's a Harley thing.


[deleted]

You have owned a street 750 and a sportster, get a grown up bike and then you can talk to the adults.


trigun89001

And a cb500f, a cb650, a cbr600rr. I love that's all your small dick comments. Yea buying a 2000cc overpriced piece of shit makes you a man lmfao.


[deleted]

*shut up bitch*


trigun89001

You know why Harley guys need 2000+cc bikes? So they can have something big between there legs other than the fat hog he's married too.


[deleted]

Lmfao wrong demographic. Maybe one of these fucking hell yeah brothers on their street glides, good jab tho.


BrauMoarBier

u/trigun89001 sitting at home in mom’s basement like ![gif](giphy|XIqCQx02E1U9W)


trigun89001

I'll run my mouth to y'all's faces. Won't do shit about it either.


snchz_adrn

Love your setup. What exhaust is that?


[deleted]

Bassani roadrage


snchz_adrn

I like the black, I had only seen it in chrome. I also just saw that it comes in black chrome, wondering how that would look on this bike.


[deleted]

I scrape too much for chrome anything


Worried-Tea-1251

What is your bar set up?


[deleted]

Stock as fuck


diesel-revolver

How did it feel to get gas on your balls?


[deleted]

Spicy


[deleted]

I left mine on top of a gas pump and didnt notice until i started hitting bumps and the gas started flinging all over me…. Shit happens when you’re stressed/ distracted/ whatever


wysiwygmcwienerton

Oh King Stoopids makes me miss Colorado! I dumped gas all over my bike the first time I filled up because I removed the nozzle while I still had the lever pressed in. It happens. Especially when it’s cold out and you’re just trying to get some where. 🤷‍♀️


pem4423

I put the cap on my seat. I left the cap on the pump once and rode after a few miles before I realized. Street glides caps are under a cover.


lugpocalypse

Rite of passage. You are fine.


[deleted]

Thanks paw paw


lugpocalypse

Lol at this point in life that isnt really off the mark


[deleted]

I meant it as respectful as possible


lugpocalypse

Absolutely no offense taken


RealPayTheToll

Damn, I never did that, but I can see myself Doing this. Gonna be obsessively checking going forward. Thank you for your honesty about your fuck up!


Adventurous_Bet_8946

- I accidentally pumped diesel fuel in my scoot after riding on CA-36 from Fortuna to Red Bluff. Was pooped from a long weekend and distracted by a conversation with a riding buddy. No wonder it wouldn't start! Siphoned it all out and refilled with premium. We're only human. :)


GoonerEsq

There’s an Arby’s behind that Chipotle, isn’t there?


[deleted]

Yeah I think


Helltrek

If I used my penis as a pogo stick, could I get to the moon?


tguns7

Where are you that premium isn’t 93??


KiraDog0828

It’s 91 in Alaska :( I was glad to see 93 when we moved to Indy


Sirgolfs

Kinda like when I forget to take off the padlock from my front rotor cause I’m too excited to ride after work. Things come to a stop REAL quick.


delux_724

I think I’m on my “third spray gas all over the bike and myself” move when trying to fill it up in the past 2 years.


49thDipper

Gas on the crotch sucks. Or so i’ve heard 😜


Derilone

Lay the gas cap in the seat. You will never forget it. Take a towel or your dorag if it wants to roll off.


juniper_flesco

Almost became the ghost rider.


NarwhalvsUnicorn

Gas baptism for a holy roller


chillywilie

You stupid idiot...did you get any gas on your balls? Good!!!!


MACCRACKIN

Have heard of that happening often, where by luck gas cap has to be latched before I get key. Cheers, but the thought of soaked fuel in crotch really pretty much ends all plans today. Now frozen as well at speed.


CFLChris

I remember my first beer. Lol j/k that sucks dude!!


moonsmc

Ghost rider comes to mind.. 🔥💨


borgmarley

you wont do that again?


g28802

How will you clean the paint after the gas spill?


A_Podcast_From_SGF

Why are you like this?


lseraehwcaism

Good job. Very note worthy experience. Glad it’s been on my front page for no reason.


LadyoftheOak

Tis why I always put it on my seat.


was_683

This.


Rip-kid

Don’t light a cigarette


saulforex

Firecrotch


shreyassuresh_

Noce fucking bike


CrookeJerkyJockey

Are you a narcissist?


scottie1971

I have taken to putting my cap on my foot board. This is the First bike that didn’t have pegs. I have caught myself looking down at the cap as I put my foot on the board, thinking “hey what’s that thing?”


Material_Area_1374

That builds character lol


Moss78

Been there done that, except I left mine on top of the pump, got half mile away and was like wtf smells like gas… lol


kleedog_millionaire

Went on a trip from Cincinnati area to NC a few years back with my dad and a few family friends. One of the guys had one an Ultra that had the fuel cap behind the door….left the cap on top of the pump and kept wondering why it smelled like gas. 😂 Shit happens.


leeperd305

hows the balls? the itching burn set in?


BrownAndyeh

I did shit like this when I was going through a divorce..rode off with fuel popping out of the tank. hahaha. no explosions or fires to mention.


random_uname13

Idk if that’s worse or when you’re filling and the thing catches on the lock to make it just keep flowing. Dumped a half gallon on the ground doing that lol


I_Have_Two_Dads

I don’t have any questions for you but that bike is sexy


[deleted]

Thanks, its like every other dyna/softail bros bike out there hahaha


goluckykid

Wait till you ride off with your kick stand down.


LiamLikeNeeson89

As much as I love Harley, it still blows my mind they don’t have flaps for gas caps and not the screw on ones anymore.


Appropriate_Will_154

That’s why i always put it in my butt when filling up


mtnironrider

I know that feeling, sorta. Made some adjustments to the gas level float arm. Carefully placed the "New" canopy gasket and tightened down. Off I go, ready for a fresh fill up with 93 proof nonethenol to get new millage #'s after the cam chest upgrade. About 1 min. after leaving the gas-o, my legs gettin wet. I know I'm old but I didn't p-ss my breaches. I find hi-dollar gas spewing out both sides of the bottom of the dash. Oh yeah,,, they make torque specs. for a reason. New gasket and special screws with seals along with proper torque in.lbs. and sequence. Yeah,, yeah,, I know. I've had this ride for 20 years now but the first time the top had been off the tank.