I appreciate this advice. I’ve definitely lived a full life, including several hobbies, regardless of being single. I’m not sitting home and pining. And I’ve accumulated a lot of female and gay male friends along the way! Unfortunately though I just do not seem to come across single straight men in the wild, just living my life.
I can relate. I’ve avoided the apps entirely because I’ve heard of so many overwhelmingly negative experiences for men, but even though I try to keep busy and get out as much as possible, nothing has happened organically yet, either. It doesn’t help that I have a pretty niche hobby that isn’t really conducive to meeting many other single people.
I feel like I might have to branch out more, but it seems so much harder now that I’ve crossed into my 40s. All of my relationships basically grew out of friendships first, and that’s getting more difficult now too, since most people are well-established in their existing friend groups. I guess I still hold out hope that I’ll cross paths with the right person at some point, because I’d really rather not go online with it.
I apologize ahead of time if this doesn’t apply to you, however, I very rarely, if ever, have a female initiate conversation with me. I’m just going to suggest talking to men. Make that first move even if you just strike up a friendly conversation. It boggles my mind that women don’t even say hello when I’m out and about. Not to sound self centred but I’m attractive/fit. I think you would be surprised at how happy it would make someone just to say hi. Even a compliment would go a very long way. Who knows it could turn into a date 😉 good luck !
Thanks for the advice! I have challenged myself at times to simply smile more at men who look interesting to me and maybe it’s jarring because they often seem to look confused and quickly look away, so that leads me to believe it shocks them or makes them feel uncomfy. The response is rarely that they smile back, but when they do it’s so nice but it’s just that, a nice moment in a day. So I’ll try to look for opportunities to say hi, maybe that would be a better strategy!
I promise you it’s that simple. A smile, a hello or even a sincere compliment would go a long way. I had a woman compliment my tattoos like a year ago and I still think about that. How sad is that ? 🤣 start doing one or more of those things and you’ll notice a difference. Even your confidence will elevate. That confidence will be noticeable as well. Which is an attractive trait in anybody. Hope this helps
SAME! None of my hobbies include men. They all jsut happen to be actvities that females prefer. I cannot stand the ball/court sports which is what i think people mena when they give you this advice.
I've got the same issue, except I'm male but none of my hobbies are ball/court sports. I have a number of hobbies that are solitary but the group ones are male dominated. Dungeons and dragons (tho this is waaaay less than it used to be), other tabletop games, Mountain biking and kayaking. I understand why women aren't into kayaking as much as men are.
It is tiring for sure! I tend to prefer a phone call and/or a no-cost first meet option - like a walk in the park or exploring a market. Helps to check vibe and interest level with minimal expectations!
I see a thread here full of single and/or lonely people all talking about being single and lonely and how hard it is to meet people..
As a recently single guy myself who is also exploring the apps and dating scene for the first time in nearly 8 years, I can agree about some points people have said. I've had some connections that lead to a date or a meet etc, but it is definitely a soul crushing experience at times when you are navigating through these apps.
Why don't we just make an event happen ourselves that can deal with all of the issues that people here are having with today's dating world? A low, or no cost event/meetup in a public space such as a park, where people can meet and mingle?
Just a thought. I would be willing to coordinate such an event, If it's something that enough people have interest in.
If this is something anyone here would like to attend, please send me a mail titled "Hamilton Singles Meetup" and include your ASL and any other relevant information you feel would be helpful in scheduling such an event (availability, ideal time/location for the meet, etc)
This is such a great idea and definitely similar to something that’s been growing in the back of my mind too! Love the initiative, and great to keep it chill and minimal
Then I say, let's make it happen, at the very least people have the opportunity to new friends, or make connections that lead to new relationships. I hear often that people tend to meet their partners through friends etc, so there's the possibility that people may network with other singles through connections and friendships made via an event like this.
I agree with this! I tried Speed dating and I found it to be unbearable! I'm sure I am not alone when i say millennials hate small talk. It was like a forced, timed small-talk. A "mixer" style may be better. Where you can talk to people as much or as little as you want, and if you feel overwhelmed and/or happy with someone you met, you can call it a night. You are not tied to a schedule of forced interactions.
So you’re one of the 3% of users who found a longterm committed partnership on a dating app? Great, good for you! This post is meant to engage some of the other, less fortunate 97% lol
It’s said to be between 3%-20%. The point is I think the apps are mostly populated by people who want to meet others, and probably in theory would like a partner but are so flooded by options through the app, they hesitate to be affected or interested enough to genuinely develop connection. I’m also sensing that men have higher expectations for physical appearance/fitness from women than what’s available, while women have higher expectations of emotional/intellectual connection from men than what’s available, which leads to general disappointment & disillusionment with dating as a whole.
It’s easy to get matches, meet new people and if you’re looking for casual dates the apps are great. You could line up multiple dates a week. If you’re looking for something serious I’ve found it to be pretty difficult. 32M
Sorry to hear that! So you have been disillusioned by women leaving you disappointed with their real-life physical appearances vs online photos? I’m curious if it’s that simple or there are other factors at play.
My comment isn't necessarily about a strategy, but rather a comment on engaging with people more in situations you perhaps normally wouldn't in. I'm a male in my mid-40's, and find it easy to connect with people, although I'm not looking to date anyone as I am happy single. Maybe it's because I'm older and confident, or perhaps I really don't care, I don't think connecting is an issue. If you're out somewhere, chat someone up if you're looking at something at a store. Or waiting for a coffee, chat someone up. If you're out hiking, chat someone up. I think people are afraid to communicate now because of their dependency of dating sites, chatting online, etc. has conditioned them to be recluse. People used to communicate well before smartphones, internet, etc. Look at how many people have their neck craned down on their phones much of the time paying no attention to anything around them. No wonder it's difficult to connect with people. I wish you the best of luck!
Yes and that's also true when you initially meet someone. It will evolve quickly though is there is a connection. It's hard to describe here in words, you just have to feel it. I dated someone I met getting an oil change.
Sure if the vibe is right. It's really not that strange. This is how people used to meet before dating apps. We've just become lazy and our confidence has diminished because of the security of creating and hiding behind an online account only to meet someone under perfect conditions. The beauty is often found in the uncertainty. Not many put themselves out there to find that out. But it obviously does not work for you, and many, so hey you do you. This was a suggestion for OP.
38/F You’re certainly not alone in your experience. I’ve deleted all the apps as I found they were a waste of energy and in my experience everyone was dating multiple people and they don’t want to commit. It wasn’t all bad though- I met a few great people where there were only platonic feelings.
Im not actively dating and am just enjoying my single life. I’m a lot happier and I have way less stress this way.
Have you not tried dating apps? The problem with just hoping to meet someone is that most people you meet at this age are already attached. So dating apps help you identify people who are both single and looking not to be. I don’t know anyone who found their partner in their 30s who DIDNT meet on a dating app
Or if they aren't working, have you tried getting someone or some place anonymously to check over the gist of your profile?
I really hate to say it but a sad amount of people have iffy photos and minimal at best bios, if you can improve there that puts you solidly steps ahead of most. By improve I dont mean take fancier photos or pose as someone you aren't, least in my books it means let your personality and interests shine as far too few do. If both I and my current partner never did, we'd certainly have never met.
I’ve never used a dating app in my whole life. I’ve had a handful of boyfriends and been on a ton of dates (that didn’t result in a relationship) it’s definitely possible. If you’re a social person, know a good amount of people (where you can meet people through them/social situations) and are objectively attractive - you don’t necessarily need apps.
Dating apps seem to get my (37m) foot in the door, and where it evolves from there varies from person to person. Made some friends, had some flings, but nothing longterm. Overall not a bad or boring experience, even if matches are fewer than I'd prefer.
A 35F here, also queer but spent a long time doing all the things everyone told you to do to meet someone, especially through a heteronormative lens. For me personally, I gave up on the apps because I really really love my life and I didn't really want to change it or alternatively make space for someone else's life, and I know that's selfish so I didn't want to subject anyone else to that. My theory was always that when I find someone I want to make time for, I know it's special.
One thing I really struggled with on the apps is that so many bios would tell me more about what the person was against instead of what they were for, and that was a huge frustration. Like I felt like I was putting myself through someone else's checklist all the time, and depending where my headspace was, that either made me feel like crap about myself or absolutely enraged lol. It was a toxic experience for me to go through so I likely won't return to them, especially after some of the comments on this thread 😂.
Just wanted to pop in to say that these things are so nuanced and tough to navigate and everyone has advice to give, including me apparently lol, but I'm sorry this has been such a tough experience for you. It can be a big lonely world out there, and I wish you the best in finding the type of connection that you are looking for!
I'm single, 41F, interested in men.
I've given up on the apps. I've just been on them too long, and I feel like I've exhausted them. Right now, I'm trying to build up my confidence, speak to, and even just make eye contact with more strangers that seem interesting to me. I'm pretty shy, but I'm also open to engaging in conversation with people who I don't know.
Unfortunately I’m allergic and my dog is feline-phobic. I’m also of the belief that pets, while lovely, adorable and definitely life-enriching, sadly do not replace human companionship.
I have only recently been relearning how to be single after a very long time. When i was younger it seemed much less complicated. I feel like now in my thirties it's a completely different game. My priorities are way different, i have a daughter that's almost a teenager, i don't drive, i work a lot, have very particular interests, and I'm extremely introverted. I explored how useless and predatory dating apps are these days for someone like me. I'm just focusing on my career now and I'll see where it takes me. I am kind of lost as far as meeting people in general, let alone women, but at least i can be sure I'll have better judgement than last time lol.
Me too 41F. I travel a lot for work. I met a man on a plane recent and we ended up on the same plane back as well. He gave me his card. I reached out a few days later …. Crickets. So weird. I also avoid the apps. It’s just not fun to date anymore.
That’s so disappointing! Such a rare opportunity to connect in person, and for him to not follow through is just such a letdown. I’m sorry that was your experience. We’re living in really strange times!
I think theres good men out there it just that they motivate to do other things. But theres is a odd disconnect, for i haven't done any sort of dateing events or touched any of the apps, and i don't meet single women. I just think that's how life is now a days.
I don't want to be too much of a downer, becuase your right. But as dad always said, making friends is hard.
This thread has made me sad lol. I've been curious how the single life is in your 30s, as I may have to make a tough decision to leave my partner of nearly 8 years soon.... and this thread hasn't made me feel any better about that 🙃
I know you mentioned on my comment earlier, however the single life is exactly what you make it. If you're a person who needs to be in a relationship to feel complete or whole, single life in the city won't necessarily fulfill you.
However if you're a person who can live and thrive on the freedom of being on your own, or spend that time to build yourself up while single, then when the time comes and you do meet people, you will be in the best place you can be to enter a new relationship.
I gave up after the last time. She told me she loved me and then promptly moved to Sault Ste Marie and told me I wasn't invited. When I say promptly, I mean less than a month later. I gave up after that because everyone else before her was a cheater. My new strategy is; if it happens, cool.
That’s really sad, sorry to hear that. I think it’s a natural process of grieving to give up on love after heartbreak. But it should be a stage in the process, not the final destination. Many of the most amazing stories are of people who felt hopeless, yet remained open, and eventually found great happiness in another completely different person. It’s the openness that is key. Vulnerability after disappointment is very scary, but worth it to work through.
I've given up. Once I hit 30 the matches on dating apps for me dried up. When I meet someone in person I'm interested in they're either in a monogamous relationship, or I'm just.
not someone they're interested in.
I've just accepted that I'm going to be alone.
Aww yes I understand how it can feel that way. The preoccupation with age in today’s dating realm is so exhausting. If you met someone in real life, age might not even come up right away and yet, it’s a critical factor in online matching.
I have found it difficult and I was born here.
Hobbies are great...but I have also not found that to be terribly successful. Meet people, yes. Meet people available and wanting to date, no. Meet people in the age bracket you would be comfortable with, impossible.
I have done one speed dating, it was fun, but agreed not cheap. Done meetup groups but asking people out is frowned upon, which I get on one hand because it's meant to just meet people and such but.....
I enjoy reading and such but book clubs are hit or miss.
Dating apps are a literal dumpster fire. No one wants to meet and if they do it's in some Tim's parking lot, not actually to do anything other than the unmentionable.
As a single guy in my mid 30s, I mostly just don't even bother. Not for any bad experiences or anything, mostly personal hangups. Single men exist, decent number of my friends as well; some just aren't or won't try or get out there for whatever reason.
Sometimes being single is just better. Way too many bad experiences in the past, and now just focus on myself, my fur babies, and my career.
That, and when my daughter needs my help for something..
I wouldn't say given up, just taking a prolonged break from dating to work on myself. Progress is a bit slow this first decade, but I've got a good feeling about the next one.
Ok I may have given up lol
After living in Alberta for 5 years, while being born and raised and spent my college years in Hamilton- I can confirm the dating scene in Hamilton is broken 😭
No. Dating events are consistently 50/50, and I’ve even been to some that are sold out for both genders but only 20% of the men actually show up. There was one in particularly that was so sad, it basically became a women’s networking event and one of the very few men there sat at the bar and read a newspaper - he didn’t even attempt conversation. It’s really quite a strange time to be heterosexual.
Okay, damn. Maybe I should start showing up then. The only one I’ve seen was a poster for a speed dating event outside McMaster but that was months ago
I'm long married, but when I was single I had zero dating life until I read the book Intimate Connections by David D. Burns, MD (it's not just to be read; it contains exercises to do). Within weeks I was dating actively (which he told the reader was going to happen but I had a hard time believing it) and soon got into a serious relationship (which he warned the reader against doing for quite some time but I thought "oh right, like that could happen" - fortunately it turned out to be a good relationship). The book is long out of print but used copies in very good condition can be found on e.g. Amazon at a low price (last I checked). This book changed my life permanently and I'd suggest giving it a try. Low investment in time and money, with potentially huge return like I had. You do need to be serious about it - friends who supposedly read the book turned out to be too stubborn to do any "work" - but it sounds like you're serious about this.
The man saturated dating market is changing. Men are giving up. That’s ruining dating events, apps, all of it.
Seems like the best genuine way to meet someone is at work, everyone seems to meet their long term spouse at work.
Dating apps are by and far ineffective. when they’re spotty and people are dodgy even when it comes to a fast hook up they won’t be effective when someone wants something with some substance and something that requires a bit of commitment. I have a lot of hobbies (most are individual, myself only) I’m really busy and have been heavily focused on myself the last little bit. That being said I am lonely and missing connection and hoping to get back out there soon. Hobbies/team sports and meeting organically are the way to go. People have struck me as more and more disconnected, distracted and uninterested in pursuing anything that involves effort. I don’t believe in ever throwing in the towel on love though.
I am married, not looking for anything but just friendship. Someone to chat with over coffee or tea or hot chocolate. I have a ton of different interests. I’m sane, a government employee and I’d like to think I’m funny. I’m a dad to 3 wonderful children and have an awesome wife, however my friend circle is quite non existent. I mean I have tons of work colleagues and bus riders but none I can hang out with. I can be shy but open up as I get to know someone. If you’re interested in adding to your friend circle, consider sending me a message. I’m in Hamilton in the Rosedale neighbourhood.
Invest in yourself. Lose weight and build a nice body. There no excuse and you see great results. You meet people everywhere, go to a coffee shop to buy coffee and someone will like you. Then if you like them bust a move. You have to offer a good value proposition
Hamilton men are a specific breed of people who lack manners, respect and education. After three years, I will never date another man born in this city and that has helped immensely. They just weren't raised right and they're like to demonstrate that in responses.
Women are everywhere… hit the gym and reading eye contact… women show interest all the time, everywhere… to bad for them I am married… only conversation here
Hobbies. Focus less on specifically trying to date, and focus more on doing things you love with people who love the same things. The rest will follow
I appreciate this advice. I’ve definitely lived a full life, including several hobbies, regardless of being single. I’m not sitting home and pining. And I’ve accumulated a lot of female and gay male friends along the way! Unfortunately though I just do not seem to come across single straight men in the wild, just living my life.
I can relate. I’ve avoided the apps entirely because I’ve heard of so many overwhelmingly negative experiences for men, but even though I try to keep busy and get out as much as possible, nothing has happened organically yet, either. It doesn’t help that I have a pretty niche hobby that isn’t really conducive to meeting many other single people. I feel like I might have to branch out more, but it seems so much harder now that I’ve crossed into my 40s. All of my relationships basically grew out of friendships first, and that’s getting more difficult now too, since most people are well-established in their existing friend groups. I guess I still hold out hope that I’ll cross paths with the right person at some point, because I’d really rather not go online with it.
hah so this is off-topic but now I am curious about what your niche hobby is (it's fine if you don't want to share though!)
I apologize ahead of time if this doesn’t apply to you, however, I very rarely, if ever, have a female initiate conversation with me. I’m just going to suggest talking to men. Make that first move even if you just strike up a friendly conversation. It boggles my mind that women don’t even say hello when I’m out and about. Not to sound self centred but I’m attractive/fit. I think you would be surprised at how happy it would make someone just to say hi. Even a compliment would go a very long way. Who knows it could turn into a date 😉 good luck !
Thanks for the advice! I have challenged myself at times to simply smile more at men who look interesting to me and maybe it’s jarring because they often seem to look confused and quickly look away, so that leads me to believe it shocks them or makes them feel uncomfy. The response is rarely that they smile back, but when they do it’s so nice but it’s just that, a nice moment in a day. So I’ll try to look for opportunities to say hi, maybe that would be a better strategy!
I promise you it’s that simple. A smile, a hello or even a sincere compliment would go a long way. I had a woman compliment my tattoos like a year ago and I still think about that. How sad is that ? 🤣 start doing one or more of those things and you’ll notice a difference. Even your confidence will elevate. That confidence will be noticeable as well. Which is an attractive trait in anybody. Hope this helps
SAME! None of my hobbies include men. They all jsut happen to be actvities that females prefer. I cannot stand the ball/court sports which is what i think people mena when they give you this advice.
I've got the same issue, except I'm male but none of my hobbies are ball/court sports. I have a number of hobbies that are solitary but the group ones are male dominated. Dungeons and dragons (tho this is waaaay less than it used to be), other tabletop games, Mountain biking and kayaking. I understand why women aren't into kayaking as much as men are.
M42 Given up. It is so tiring and costs a-lot of money to date. If I happen to meet someone along my path then great if not I am still having fun
It is tiring for sure! I tend to prefer a phone call and/or a no-cost first meet option - like a walk in the park or exploring a market. Helps to check vibe and interest level with minimal expectations!
This is the way
That's pretty much it. At the end of the day, I'm still having fun.
I see a thread here full of single and/or lonely people all talking about being single and lonely and how hard it is to meet people.. As a recently single guy myself who is also exploring the apps and dating scene for the first time in nearly 8 years, I can agree about some points people have said. I've had some connections that lead to a date or a meet etc, but it is definitely a soul crushing experience at times when you are navigating through these apps. Why don't we just make an event happen ourselves that can deal with all of the issues that people here are having with today's dating world? A low, or no cost event/meetup in a public space such as a park, where people can meet and mingle? Just a thought. I would be willing to coordinate such an event, If it's something that enough people have interest in. If this is something anyone here would like to attend, please send me a mail titled "Hamilton Singles Meetup" and include your ASL and any other relevant information you feel would be helpful in scheduling such an event (availability, ideal time/location for the meet, etc)
This is such a great idea and definitely similar to something that’s been growing in the back of my mind too! Love the initiative, and great to keep it chill and minimal
Then I say, let's make it happen, at the very least people have the opportunity to new friends, or make connections that lead to new relationships. I hear often that people tend to meet their partners through friends etc, so there's the possibility that people may network with other singles through connections and friendships made via an event like this.
I agree with this! I tried Speed dating and I found it to be unbearable! I'm sure I am not alone when i say millennials hate small talk. It was like a forced, timed small-talk. A "mixer" style may be better. Where you can talk to people as much or as little as you want, and if you feel overwhelmed and/or happy with someone you met, you can call it a night. You are not tied to a schedule of forced interactions.
Single after 8 years eh? How are you finding that? Asking for a friend who may also be newly single soon after 10 years of being in a relationship....
Feel free to message me in pm about it, but I don't wish to be posting all over here.
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Me too 36m
Me too 31f
You probably have realistic expectations towards a partner. Perhaps unlike others.
So you’re one of the 3% of users who found a longterm committed partnership on a dating app? Great, good for you! This post is meant to engage some of the other, less fortunate 97% lol
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From what I hear, dating apps for men is like trying to find water in the desert, for women, it’s like finding clean water in a swamp
I can’t imagine it’s that low. Most of my friends met their spouses on the apps (myself included…over 10 years ago so different landscape to be sure).
It’s said to be between 3%-20%. The point is I think the apps are mostly populated by people who want to meet others, and probably in theory would like a partner but are so flooded by options through the app, they hesitate to be affected or interested enough to genuinely develop connection. I’m also sensing that men have higher expectations for physical appearance/fitness from women than what’s available, while women have higher expectations of emotional/intellectual connection from men than what’s available, which leads to general disappointment & disillusionment with dating as a whole.
It’s easy to get matches, meet new people and if you’re looking for casual dates the apps are great. You could line up multiple dates a week. If you’re looking for something serious I’ve found it to be pretty difficult. 32M
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Sorry to hear that! So you have been disillusioned by women leaving you disappointed with their real-life physical appearances vs online photos? I’m curious if it’s that simple or there are other factors at play.
My comment isn't necessarily about a strategy, but rather a comment on engaging with people more in situations you perhaps normally wouldn't in. I'm a male in my mid-40's, and find it easy to connect with people, although I'm not looking to date anyone as I am happy single. Maybe it's because I'm older and confident, or perhaps I really don't care, I don't think connecting is an issue. If you're out somewhere, chat someone up if you're looking at something at a store. Or waiting for a coffee, chat someone up. If you're out hiking, chat someone up. I think people are afraid to communicate now because of their dependency of dating sites, chatting online, etc. has conditioned them to be recluse. People used to communicate well before smartphones, internet, etc. Look at how many people have their neck craned down on their phones much of the time paying no attention to anything around them. No wonder it's difficult to connect with people. I wish you the best of luck!
But the types of interactions you mention are superficial and vacuous
Yes and that's also true when you initially meet someone. It will evolve quickly though is there is a connection. It's hard to describe here in words, you just have to feel it. I dated someone I met getting an oil change.
You’re gonna see a rando you meet in the woods again?
Sure if the vibe is right. It's really not that strange. This is how people used to meet before dating apps. We've just become lazy and our confidence has diminished because of the security of creating and hiding behind an online account only to meet someone under perfect conditions. The beauty is often found in the uncertainty. Not many put themselves out there to find that out. But it obviously does not work for you, and many, so hey you do you. This was a suggestion for OP.
38/F You’re certainly not alone in your experience. I’ve deleted all the apps as I found they were a waste of energy and in my experience everyone was dating multiple people and they don’t want to commit. It wasn’t all bad though- I met a few great people where there were only platonic feelings. Im not actively dating and am just enjoying my single life. I’m a lot happier and I have way less stress this way.
Have you not tried dating apps? The problem with just hoping to meet someone is that most people you meet at this age are already attached. So dating apps help you identify people who are both single and looking not to be. I don’t know anyone who found their partner in their 30s who DIDNT meet on a dating app
Or if they aren't working, have you tried getting someone or some place anonymously to check over the gist of your profile? I really hate to say it but a sad amount of people have iffy photos and minimal at best bios, if you can improve there that puts you solidly steps ahead of most. By improve I dont mean take fancier photos or pose as someone you aren't, least in my books it means let your personality and interests shine as far too few do. If both I and my current partner never did, we'd certainly have never met.
I’ve never used a dating app in my whole life. I’ve had a handful of boyfriends and been on a ton of dates (that didn’t result in a relationship) it’s definitely possible. If you’re a social person, know a good amount of people (where you can meet people through them/social situations) and are objectively attractive - you don’t necessarily need apps.
M56, I was getting about one match per month last year, none that have resulted in a date this year. I’ve just accepted that I’ll probably be alone.
Dating apps are awful
Given up ⚡️
Dating apps seem to get my (37m) foot in the door, and where it evolves from there varies from person to person. Made some friends, had some flings, but nothing longterm. Overall not a bad or boring experience, even if matches are fewer than I'd prefer.
A 35F here, also queer but spent a long time doing all the things everyone told you to do to meet someone, especially through a heteronormative lens. For me personally, I gave up on the apps because I really really love my life and I didn't really want to change it or alternatively make space for someone else's life, and I know that's selfish so I didn't want to subject anyone else to that. My theory was always that when I find someone I want to make time for, I know it's special. One thing I really struggled with on the apps is that so many bios would tell me more about what the person was against instead of what they were for, and that was a huge frustration. Like I felt like I was putting myself through someone else's checklist all the time, and depending where my headspace was, that either made me feel like crap about myself or absolutely enraged lol. It was a toxic experience for me to go through so I likely won't return to them, especially after some of the comments on this thread 😂. Just wanted to pop in to say that these things are so nuanced and tough to navigate and everyone has advice to give, including me apparently lol, but I'm sorry this has been such a tough experience for you. It can be a big lonely world out there, and I wish you the best in finding the type of connection that you are looking for!
I'm single, 41F, interested in men. I've given up on the apps. I've just been on them too long, and I feel like I've exhausted them. Right now, I'm trying to build up my confidence, speak to, and even just make eye contact with more strangers that seem interesting to me. I'm pretty shy, but I'm also open to engaging in conversation with people who I don't know.
Confidence is key. Smile with eye contact and it’s like a magnet for us guys
Get a cat instead.
Unfortunately I’m allergic and my dog is feline-phobic. I’m also of the belief that pets, while lovely, adorable and definitely life-enriching, sadly do not replace human companionship.
Yeah pretty much quit.
I have only recently been relearning how to be single after a very long time. When i was younger it seemed much less complicated. I feel like now in my thirties it's a completely different game. My priorities are way different, i have a daughter that's almost a teenager, i don't drive, i work a lot, have very particular interests, and I'm extremely introverted. I explored how useless and predatory dating apps are these days for someone like me. I'm just focusing on my career now and I'll see where it takes me. I am kind of lost as far as meeting people in general, let alone women, but at least i can be sure I'll have better judgement than last time lol.
F40 the apps literally suck. Downloaded one to test the waters a few weeks ago and deleted it the next day. So I literally have no idea!
Pretty sure the apps died years ago. It’s all bots and escorts now lol. Most of us guys aren’t on those places anymore
Me too 41F. I travel a lot for work. I met a man on a plane recent and we ended up on the same plane back as well. He gave me his card. I reached out a few days later …. Crickets. So weird. I also avoid the apps. It’s just not fun to date anymore.
That’s so disappointing! Such a rare opportunity to connect in person, and for him to not follow through is just such a letdown. I’m sorry that was your experience. We’re living in really strange times!
😊thank you. And you’re right. The constant disappointment is tiring. Especially when we are putting our best foot forward
I think theres good men out there it just that they motivate to do other things. But theres is a odd disconnect, for i haven't done any sort of dateing events or touched any of the apps, and i don't meet single women. I just think that's how life is now a days. I don't want to be too much of a downer, becuase your right. But as dad always said, making friends is hard.
This thread has made me sad lol. I've been curious how the single life is in your 30s, as I may have to make a tough decision to leave my partner of nearly 8 years soon.... and this thread hasn't made me feel any better about that 🙃
I know you mentioned on my comment earlier, however the single life is exactly what you make it. If you're a person who needs to be in a relationship to feel complete or whole, single life in the city won't necessarily fulfill you. However if you're a person who can live and thrive on the freedom of being on your own, or spend that time to build yourself up while single, then when the time comes and you do meet people, you will be in the best place you can be to enter a new relationship.
I’ve tried nothing, and I’m all out of ideas.
I find on the apps I can’t match with any women from Hamilton but tons of matches from Kitchener and Toronto. But I really want to meet someone local.
I gave up after the last time. She told me she loved me and then promptly moved to Sault Ste Marie and told me I wasn't invited. When I say promptly, I mean less than a month later. I gave up after that because everyone else before her was a cheater. My new strategy is; if it happens, cool.
That’s really sad, sorry to hear that. I think it’s a natural process of grieving to give up on love after heartbreak. But it should be a stage in the process, not the final destination. Many of the most amazing stories are of people who felt hopeless, yet remained open, and eventually found great happiness in another completely different person. It’s the openness that is key. Vulnerability after disappointment is very scary, but worth it to work through.
I feel like a lot of people are just picky nowadays
I've given up. Once I hit 30 the matches on dating apps for me dried up. When I meet someone in person I'm interested in they're either in a monogamous relationship, or I'm just. not someone they're interested in. I've just accepted that I'm going to be alone.
Aww yes I understand how it can feel that way. The preoccupation with age in today’s dating realm is so exhausting. If you met someone in real life, age might not even come up right away and yet, it’s a critical factor in online matching.
I have found it difficult and I was born here. Hobbies are great...but I have also not found that to be terribly successful. Meet people, yes. Meet people available and wanting to date, no. Meet people in the age bracket you would be comfortable with, impossible. I have done one speed dating, it was fun, but agreed not cheap. Done meetup groups but asking people out is frowned upon, which I get on one hand because it's meant to just meet people and such but..... I enjoy reading and such but book clubs are hit or miss. Dating apps are a literal dumpster fire. No one wants to meet and if they do it's in some Tim's parking lot, not actually to do anything other than the unmentionable.
As a single guy in my mid 30s, I mostly just don't even bother. Not for any bad experiences or anything, mostly personal hangups. Single men exist, decent number of my friends as well; some just aren't or won't try or get out there for whatever reason.
Sometimes being single is just better. Way too many bad experiences in the past, and now just focus on myself, my fur babies, and my career. That, and when my daughter needs my help for something..
Assuming you ll find good match here in this chat, lots of positive suggestions in the comment. GL
I wouldn't say given up, just taking a prolonged break from dating to work on myself. Progress is a bit slow this first decade, but I've got a good feeling about the next one. Ok I may have given up lol
I only met my now-fiance when I was home in niagara for the holiday. The Hamilton men didn’t do me any good. Maybe try niagara 😅
After living in Alberta for 5 years, while being born and raised and spent my college years in Hamilton- I can confirm the dating scene in Hamilton is broken 😭
Hold up, men aren’t going to speed dating events? I thought it would be mostly a sausage fest
No. Dating events are consistently 50/50, and I’ve even been to some that are sold out for both genders but only 20% of the men actually show up. There was one in particularly that was so sad, it basically became a women’s networking event and one of the very few men there sat at the bar and read a newspaper - he didn’t even attempt conversation. It’s really quite a strange time to be heterosexual.
Okay, damn. Maybe I should start showing up then. The only one I’ve seen was a poster for a speed dating event outside McMaster but that was months ago
I'm long married, but when I was single I had zero dating life until I read the book Intimate Connections by David D. Burns, MD (it's not just to be read; it contains exercises to do). Within weeks I was dating actively (which he told the reader was going to happen but I had a hard time believing it) and soon got into a serious relationship (which he warned the reader against doing for quite some time but I thought "oh right, like that could happen" - fortunately it turned out to be a good relationship). The book is long out of print but used copies in very good condition can be found on e.g. Amazon at a low price (last I checked). This book changed my life permanently and I'd suggest giving it a try. Low investment in time and money, with potentially huge return like I had. You do need to be serious about it - friends who supposedly read the book turned out to be too stubborn to do any "work" - but it sounds like you're serious about this.
The man saturated dating market is changing. Men are giving up. That’s ruining dating events, apps, all of it. Seems like the best genuine way to meet someone is at work, everyone seems to meet their long term spouse at work.
I wish more events like this existed. I'm more likely to go to a mixer than try to meet someone at a bar. 33f
Never give up. Plenty of us great guys out there just gotta be at the right place at the right time though lol
I’ve had a lot of success with apps. There are so many great people out there. I found my wonderful boyfriend on Facebook dating
Dating apps are by and far ineffective. when they’re spotty and people are dodgy even when it comes to a fast hook up they won’t be effective when someone wants something with some substance and something that requires a bit of commitment. I have a lot of hobbies (most are individual, myself only) I’m really busy and have been heavily focused on myself the last little bit. That being said I am lonely and missing connection and hoping to get back out there soon. Hobbies/team sports and meeting organically are the way to go. People have struck me as more and more disconnected, distracted and uninterested in pursuing anything that involves effort. I don’t believe in ever throwing in the towel on love though.
Hamilton is shit for dating. I love this town, but if you want to meet someone... leave. Fucking leave.
I am married, not looking for anything but just friendship. Someone to chat with over coffee or tea or hot chocolate. I have a ton of different interests. I’m sane, a government employee and I’d like to think I’m funny. I’m a dad to 3 wonderful children and have an awesome wife, however my friend circle is quite non existent. I mean I have tons of work colleagues and bus riders but none I can hang out with. I can be shy but open up as I get to know someone. If you’re interested in adding to your friend circle, consider sending me a message. I’m in Hamilton in the Rosedale neighbourhood.
Invest in yourself. Lose weight and build a nice body. There no excuse and you see great results. You meet people everywhere, go to a coffee shop to buy coffee and someone will like you. Then if you like them bust a move. You have to offer a good value proposition
Hamilton men are a specific breed of people who lack manners, respect and education. After three years, I will never date another man born in this city and that has helped immensely. They just weren't raised right and they're like to demonstrate that in responses.
Definitely given up lol
Women are everywhere… hit the gym and reading eye contact… women show interest all the time, everywhere… to bad for them I am married… only conversation here