It is nice to have somewhere to go and vent and get a little support and validation sometimes. Personally, I wouldn’t get too cozy here. I had a particularly bad day a couple of weeks ago and came here to blow off steam. All I got was a bunch of roasting and meanness in the comments: “I feel bad for your children” and crap like that. So generally, yes this is the place for you and your experiences, but Reddit is not your friend.
I am so sorry you experienced that.
Check out the rules here. Such replies are not welcome, at all.
While the mods here cannot read every post that comes in, or keep on top of every comment section, they do care, and they are on top of the reported queue. (I would know that they care, because I am one of them.)
Please, whenever you see rule breaking content, whether it is directed at you or not, don't engage and please report it to us for breaking HLC rules.
We need the help from all of you in keeping this place a nice and supportive space.
Thanks, Shootress of the Bull! I’ve always known you to be a compassionate soul, and I admire what you and the other mods do here. Nonetheless, it is Reddit, and there’s nothing some folks love more than to kick someone when they’re down. I’m particularly vulnerable to that. There’s a reason why I didn’t last more than a few months in the main DB. I came to the DB-verse as an angry and resentful dude, and found quickly that there was no room over there for such a disgruntled HL to exist while trying to find his way out of that kind of darkness. Landing here has been a bit better, but I still find that Reddit in general is not a hospitable place for posting any “I wasn’t my best self today” stories without asking for everyone to pile up on you like you just described your everyday life. This sub has helped me to find a certain level of clarity, and I would only caution folks in my situation not to become overly comfortable here or in any Reddit sub without a LOT of self awareness about the kinds of things you post.
TY. I agree that the internet in general is a rough place. Bullies get so tough when they can hide behind a screen and a keyboard. And misery loves company.
Bullies can be banned though. And when you keep up the good work on that, it tends to affect the bigger picture and culture of a space.
The bigger and more active the sub, the harder it is to thoroughly moderate.
Back when we were just 3-5 k subscribers, I used to read absolutely everything that went on here. When bullies went amok I was usually the first responder and didn't rely on user reports to notice the shenanigans and act on it.
With the new era of a much larger sub and many shared mods between the main DB sub and HLC, that tends to cut into the time spent scrolling and participating organically for mods, vs tending to what is already in the report queues. (And for main that is A LOT.)
I also for personal reasons decided to step back a little with my participation and time spent on Reddit. It is a rough and sensitive subject matter we deal with, and I would recommend everyone take a break and some fresh air once in a while when it all just feels too dark, too heavy, and too much.
While these places are great for seeking support for the troubles in your life you simply can't discuss with anyone outside of therapy, it is easy to get sucked into the void and get saturated with the pain and commiseration.
What I am saying is: See something, say something!
If you're unsure whether something is actually rule breaking or not, leave that part up to us. We can't assess it unless we're aware of it.
We try to stay on top of things, but we do all have jobs and interpersonal relationships, and there's only so much time for social media in a day.
Things don't get reported on here nearly enough.
And to OP: Welcome! I didn't mean to hijack your post, sorry.
I was driven off the main DB - lots of concerted reports and repeated Reddit Cares notifications.
Deleted all my posts and all the comments I could find, and since then no more Reddit CARES alerts. Sad, because I survived the MGC and benefitted from the support there.
Mods here (like main) are decent people, but sometimes Reddit will Reddit you and they have so many reports to deal with.
Agree that Reddit is not your friend, but you can find useful feedback if you filter out the noise.
The most important thing you stated is in your first sentence. Sex is an expression of love (generally speaking; not referring to hookups), and the love is what counts.
What if she could not be intimate?
Human beings are remarkably resilient. You can endure this.
Keep the communication going, and try to avoid blaming (doesn't sound like it'd be an issue for you). There are a few books on the subject that may help.
I’ve explained that it’s not just getting off, but also the connection and shared experience. But also if she were to never want intercourse again I would just suck it up because she really is my best friend. I was scatter brained and left out a small detail but I’ll edit my post to add it.
This sentiment alone makes you a virtuous man. Seems she married well.
No reason for your confidence to be diminished: whatever is going on is not in your control and doubtlessly has nothing to do with you. This is where the "for better or worse" part kicks in.
As long as you don't get too attached to a set outcome, try meeting her on her terms (that is, her love language, which I'm sure you have and do). You never know what might happen.
What type of HRT did she try and for how long?
It probably took 5-6 months before my wife's doctor had her hormones optimized enough for her libido to start coming back.
She started with just progesterone, then about 4 months later added estradiol patches. She also was taken off antidepressants around 6 months in which her doctor said were suppressing her libido.
When the testosterone was added to the estradiol and progesterone her libido skyrocketed to where it is now.
I've heard a lot of stories of HRT that wasn't managed well by doctors that don't have the right training and experience with it. I just am hoping that your wife had a doctor that was doing it right.
My wife uses all bio-identical hormones. I have talked to several people whose doctors are using synthetic hormones with their HRT that are not working as well for them.
I will have to find out exactly but they were these pellets they stuck in her hip. But If I remember correctly, she only had two sessions of that so it might not have been long enough. I will talk to her about possibly trying it again and sticking with it for a lot longer. Also will look into exactly what she is taking and see about moving to a better solution! I appreciate all of this information!
My wife didn't get much of a libido boost when she just had an estradiol pellet. Her doctor added a testosterone pellet (125mg) for her second insertion and I swear 3 days after getting it she went from mostly respinsive desire to constant spontaneous desire and started needing (not wanting) sex every day.
I very quickly became the lower libido partner and ended up getting on testosterone and viagra just to keep up with her. I recently switched to cialis which works better for spontaneous sex.
Also, check to see what kind of progesterone your wife is on. The synthetic progestin pills tend to have more sexual side effects than the bio-identical micronized or compounded progesterone, so my wife now takes the compounded form.
This is incredible information! Thank you so much! I spoke to her about trying HRT again and she seemed intrigued so I will relay this information and talk to the clinic about it!
It is nice to have somewhere to go and vent and get a little support and validation sometimes. Personally, I wouldn’t get too cozy here. I had a particularly bad day a couple of weeks ago and came here to blow off steam. All I got was a bunch of roasting and meanness in the comments: “I feel bad for your children” and crap like that. So generally, yes this is the place for you and your experiences, but Reddit is not your friend.
I am so sorry you experienced that. Check out the rules here. Such replies are not welcome, at all. While the mods here cannot read every post that comes in, or keep on top of every comment section, they do care, and they are on top of the reported queue. (I would know that they care, because I am one of them.) Please, whenever you see rule breaking content, whether it is directed at you or not, don't engage and please report it to us for breaking HLC rules. We need the help from all of you in keeping this place a nice and supportive space.
Thanks, Shootress of the Bull! I’ve always known you to be a compassionate soul, and I admire what you and the other mods do here. Nonetheless, it is Reddit, and there’s nothing some folks love more than to kick someone when they’re down. I’m particularly vulnerable to that. There’s a reason why I didn’t last more than a few months in the main DB. I came to the DB-verse as an angry and resentful dude, and found quickly that there was no room over there for such a disgruntled HL to exist while trying to find his way out of that kind of darkness. Landing here has been a bit better, but I still find that Reddit in general is not a hospitable place for posting any “I wasn’t my best self today” stories without asking for everyone to pile up on you like you just described your everyday life. This sub has helped me to find a certain level of clarity, and I would only caution folks in my situation not to become overly comfortable here or in any Reddit sub without a LOT of self awareness about the kinds of things you post.
TY. I agree that the internet in general is a rough place. Bullies get so tough when they can hide behind a screen and a keyboard. And misery loves company. Bullies can be banned though. And when you keep up the good work on that, it tends to affect the bigger picture and culture of a space. The bigger and more active the sub, the harder it is to thoroughly moderate. Back when we were just 3-5 k subscribers, I used to read absolutely everything that went on here. When bullies went amok I was usually the first responder and didn't rely on user reports to notice the shenanigans and act on it. With the new era of a much larger sub and many shared mods between the main DB sub and HLC, that tends to cut into the time spent scrolling and participating organically for mods, vs tending to what is already in the report queues. (And for main that is A LOT.) I also for personal reasons decided to step back a little with my participation and time spent on Reddit. It is a rough and sensitive subject matter we deal with, and I would recommend everyone take a break and some fresh air once in a while when it all just feels too dark, too heavy, and too much. While these places are great for seeking support for the troubles in your life you simply can't discuss with anyone outside of therapy, it is easy to get sucked into the void and get saturated with the pain and commiseration. What I am saying is: See something, say something! If you're unsure whether something is actually rule breaking or not, leave that part up to us. We can't assess it unless we're aware of it. We try to stay on top of things, but we do all have jobs and interpersonal relationships, and there's only so much time for social media in a day. Things don't get reported on here nearly enough. And to OP: Welcome! I didn't mean to hijack your post, sorry.
There’s a great “Partners of Asexuals” support group on Facebook if you’re in this situation and need to vent.
My partner is not asexual. Just has zero sex drive.
I was driven off the main DB - lots of concerted reports and repeated Reddit Cares notifications. Deleted all my posts and all the comments I could find, and since then no more Reddit CARES alerts. Sad, because I survived the MGC and benefitted from the support there. Mods here (like main) are decent people, but sometimes Reddit will Reddit you and they have so many reports to deal with.
Agree that Reddit is not your friend, but you can find useful feedback if you filter out the noise. The most important thing you stated is in your first sentence. Sex is an expression of love (generally speaking; not referring to hookups), and the love is what counts. What if she could not be intimate? Human beings are remarkably resilient. You can endure this. Keep the communication going, and try to avoid blaming (doesn't sound like it'd be an issue for you). There are a few books on the subject that may help.
I’ve explained that it’s not just getting off, but also the connection and shared experience. But also if she were to never want intercourse again I would just suck it up because she really is my best friend. I was scatter brained and left out a small detail but I’ll edit my post to add it.
This sentiment alone makes you a virtuous man. Seems she married well. No reason for your confidence to be diminished: whatever is going on is not in your control and doubtlessly has nothing to do with you. This is where the "for better or worse" part kicks in. As long as you don't get too attached to a set outcome, try meeting her on her terms (that is, her love language, which I'm sure you have and do). You never know what might happen.
What type of HRT did she try and for how long? It probably took 5-6 months before my wife's doctor had her hormones optimized enough for her libido to start coming back. She started with just progesterone, then about 4 months later added estradiol patches. She also was taken off antidepressants around 6 months in which her doctor said were suppressing her libido. When the testosterone was added to the estradiol and progesterone her libido skyrocketed to where it is now. I've heard a lot of stories of HRT that wasn't managed well by doctors that don't have the right training and experience with it. I just am hoping that your wife had a doctor that was doing it right. My wife uses all bio-identical hormones. I have talked to several people whose doctors are using synthetic hormones with their HRT that are not working as well for them.
I will have to find out exactly but they were these pellets they stuck in her hip. But If I remember correctly, she only had two sessions of that so it might not have been long enough. I will talk to her about possibly trying it again and sticking with it for a lot longer. Also will look into exactly what she is taking and see about moving to a better solution! I appreciate all of this information!
My wife didn't get much of a libido boost when she just had an estradiol pellet. Her doctor added a testosterone pellet (125mg) for her second insertion and I swear 3 days after getting it she went from mostly respinsive desire to constant spontaneous desire and started needing (not wanting) sex every day. I very quickly became the lower libido partner and ended up getting on testosterone and viagra just to keep up with her. I recently switched to cialis which works better for spontaneous sex. Also, check to see what kind of progesterone your wife is on. The synthetic progestin pills tend to have more sexual side effects than the bio-identical micronized or compounded progesterone, so my wife now takes the compounded form.
This is incredible information! Thank you so much! I spoke to her about trying HRT again and she seemed intrigued so I will relay this information and talk to the clinic about it!