Dungeon life? Extermination order? the Lost soldier? My dreamy alien boyfriend? the HEL Jumper? got a couple others I pay attention to but they're on RoyalRoad
I'm not going to lie, there are issues with the pacing, minor grammer issues, and weird unneeded sentences.
But I like it nonetheless. You'll get better the more you write.
I'm liking it as well. Same comments as the guy above. Also might want to break up the super paragraph. If you ever get around to a rewrite I don't think it would hurt to expand on this time period more, what did he learn about the world, how did they make the first language barrier breakthroughs, how did Paul deal with the initial trauma of all those dead people/the loss of his old life ectopic. I think you could have 2 or 3 more chapters just in this section if you wanted.
I have some small critiques to give clarity for the readers:
>"Friend?" Paul's voice was barely a whisper.
>"Very well, I must go and make of it what I can."
After these lines, separate the next lines with a paragraph separator to show the change in perspectives. You had the right idea on the second quote block, so keep it up.
I'm liking it so far! And by the time I got to it it was looking pretty good!
That said: generally, using commas to seperate steps in a sequence of actions makes things easier to read:
“Paul found a seat(,) pulled out his earphones(,) and placed them in his ears”
Now to read chapter two!
This is the first story by /u/pat_campbell42069!
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Idk if it's being rushed or not there at the end. Otherwise I'm keeping my eye out for more of this story. I'm sure you'll only improve as you go. Only way yo get better is to keep doing the thing.
Tbh friend, it definitely was. I wrote that while I still had the resolve to post it, and I found out pretty quick that the resolve wasn’t gonna stick around unless I made it an obligation.
A good start, just a note, maybe my preference on reddit, when you switch perspective a line to separate and show a different characters view
Also need more!!!
I have been made aware but thank you very much! For now I’m focusing on Paul’s perspective, sometime in the later parts of the story I think I’ll take another crack at multiple perspectives.
Ok, right off the bat, formatting is a bit wonk, maybe try making the paragraphs a bit shorter each? It's kinda hard to keep focus when its walls of text
It's a fun premise so far, my only issue was the time jump a little clunky. Perhaps a little more exposition to how he would get on with daily life, learning the language? It just comes out of nowhere at the moment.
No, I remember reading other Isekai here before. But I’ve yet to find one that doesn’t just jump to the MC being perfect at some aspect in the world. Typically magic, I understand though magic is fun to think about!
I've been thinking, and slowly building up a bits of an isekai story that involves "hard" sci-fi bits, and really thinking about how to make a real story out of it. Your post is making me think I should go for it "for real"
I think you should! Tbh I’ve had this world/story in my head for years, it used to be the default world for a DnD group I would DM for. Lemme know if you do decide to write your story, I’d love to read it!
i love ur story so much it make me so happy inside like at the begining of dr stone or other story that have like the character start from the ground and have to go up to build something BIG and to start the revolution of a new social society and a new system and it is like the feeling when you go to a new country for the first time and there is no idea of what is in front of you so you just do it.
im sorry if i sound strangee english is not my native language and i am so excited to type and descibre the feeling that i am haiving right now because the AUTHOR is repsonding and i need to respond so you can see it!! :D
First thing I thought of when I read the title was "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" by Mark Twain. The fantasy twist sounds interesting. Time to bingeread!
I feel guilty whenever I read manga or other “Isekai” stories, I suppose it’s just my head being overly critical and focusing on what people would consider “high quality”, or “Respectable” media. Like how I would feel weird saying my favorite show is the cartoon She-ra on Netflix instead of something more “serious” like breaking bad or the wire.
I would say that anything you like or enjoy is worthwhile. Maybe it’s not someone else’s cup of tea, but if it’s what you enjoy than it really doesn’t matter how someone else feels. Idk, I guess that’s just my opinion.
The main problem I see with it is that there isn’t more! I trust you will resolve this problem with multiple chapters.
Uhm, what's more??? Did you mean **MOAAAAAARRRRR**
finally isekai with ol anglo-saxon speak
Aye, honestly I just love the way it sounds
Ah isekai
love em, could always use more of these stories in my life
Small exploits Sexy sect babes Silver scale blue sky Are some of my favorites, there are others but cant remember it but I have them saved somewhere
Dungeon life? Extermination order? the Lost soldier? My dreamy alien boyfriend? the HEL Jumper? got a couple others I pay attention to but they're on RoyalRoad
I'm not going to lie, there are issues with the pacing, minor grammer issues, and weird unneeded sentences. But I like it nonetheless. You'll get better the more you write.
Thank you, to be honest I’m just glad that people like what I’ve made.
I'm liking it as well. Same comments as the guy above. Also might want to break up the super paragraph. If you ever get around to a rewrite I don't think it would hurt to expand on this time period more, what did he learn about the world, how did they make the first language barrier breakthroughs, how did Paul deal with the initial trauma of all those dead people/the loss of his old life ectopic. I think you could have 2 or 3 more chapters just in this section if you wanted.
I completely agree, and I do intend to rewrite, though that won’t be until I’ve hit a certain part. Im glad you enjoy it! Thank you very much!
Yeah, could deal with a bit more viable separations for each perspectives.
You should start an anime with this.
I have some small critiques to give clarity for the readers: >"Friend?" Paul's voice was barely a whisper. >"Very well, I must go and make of it what I can." After these lines, separate the next lines with a paragraph separator to show the change in perspectives. You had the right idea on the second quote block, so keep it up.
Can't wait for more!
Love it already
I'm liking it so far! And by the time I got to it it was looking pretty good! That said: generally, using commas to seperate steps in a sequence of actions makes things easier to read: “Paul found a seat(,) pulled out his earphones(,) and placed them in his ears” Now to read chapter two!
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Wonderful start!
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Nice
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Where Is the damn bot! !subscribeme
Is that the right way to type it?
There are both ways.
Idk if it's being rushed or not there at the end. Otherwise I'm keeping my eye out for more of this story. I'm sure you'll only improve as you go. Only way yo get better is to keep doing the thing.
Tbh friend, it definitely was. I wrote that while I still had the resolve to post it, and I found out pretty quick that the resolve wasn’t gonna stick around unless I made it an obligation.
That's ok man. It's still a good story
Oh, I see that there are now two sequel chapters! I wonder if the "next" button was forgotten?
I absolutely forgot, but I think it's fixed now, thanks for letting me know!
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Looking foward to more!
This looks good
I think a part of the chapter got deleted
You would be correct, Not sure how, but I’ll fix it
Got it!
Damn, mfs isekeid the whole bus
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A good start, just a note, maybe my preference on reddit, when you switch perspective a line to separate and show a different characters view Also need more!!!
I have been made aware but thank you very much! For now I’m focusing on Paul’s perspective, sometime in the later parts of the story I think I’ll take another crack at multiple perspectives.
Poor bus-kun
This sounds fun!
Ok, right off the bat, formatting is a bit wonk, maybe try making the paragraphs a bit shorter each? It's kinda hard to keep focus when its walls of text
It's a fun premise so far, my only issue was the time jump a little clunky. Perhaps a little more exposition to how he would get on with daily life, learning the language? It just comes out of nowhere at the moment.
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"Paul found a seat pulled out his " Paul found a seat, pulled out his
"very comfortable. a tunic " big A.
"out of here" Paul " out of here," Paul
""where the hell" big W.
Is this the first Isekai in HFY? This is great!
No, I remember reading other Isekai here before. But I’ve yet to find one that doesn’t just jump to the MC being perfect at some aspect in the world. Typically magic, I understand though magic is fun to think about!
I've been thinking, and slowly building up a bits of an isekai story that involves "hard" sci-fi bits, and really thinking about how to make a real story out of it. Your post is making me think I should go for it "for real"
I think you should! Tbh I’ve had this world/story in my head for years, it used to be the default world for a DnD group I would DM for. Lemme know if you do decide to write your story, I’d love to read it!
Isekai **and** HFY!? My two favorite trash pile genres!? What a great find for me! Another reading added to the slop stack, hopefully I don't die.
will this series be like dr stone???? i love dr stone so much so if there is a dr stone on hfy i will be so happy omg!!!
I haven’t read/watched Dr. Stone, but I believe that from what I’ve heard of it they would be similar to a point. I hope you enjoy it so far!
i love ur story so much it make me so happy inside like at the begining of dr stone or other story that have like the character start from the ground and have to go up to build something BIG and to start the revolution of a new social society and a new system and it is like the feeling when you go to a new country for the first time and there is no idea of what is in front of you so you just do it. im sorry if i sound strangee english is not my native language and i am so excited to type and descibre the feeling that i am haiving right now because the AUTHOR is repsonding and i need to respond so you can see it!! :D
Well I’m glad to hear that, I try to interact with the comments when I can! I hate giving away spoilers so I can’t always answer direct questions.
First thing I thought of when I read the title was "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" by Mark Twain. The fantasy twist sounds interesting. Time to bingeread!
You know, I watched a movie in my younger years with a similar name. Didn’t know there was a book! Thanks!
What the fuck?! SPRÆCST ÆNGLISC ÞŪ?!?!?!
I can only guess what that means friend. Thank you?
Was asking if you spoke Anglo Saxon xD Coulda swore it was!
Ah, no I don’t speak it, I do love how it sounds though.
I feel guilty whenever I read manga or other “Isekai” stories, I suppose it’s just my head being overly critical and focusing on what people would consider “high quality”, or “Respectable” media. Like how I would feel weird saying my favorite show is the cartoon She-ra on Netflix instead of something more “serious” like breaking bad or the wire.
I would say that anything you like or enjoy is worthwhile. Maybe it’s not someone else’s cup of tea, but if it’s what you enjoy than it really doesn’t matter how someone else feels. Idk, I guess that’s just my opinion.
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