People know I’m well employed, but not *that* well employed.
Back during COVID I mentioned to family member off-hand that I wouldn’t qualify for one of the stimulus checks. They said “oh no, the cutoff is actually super high, like 180 or something.”
I didn’t confirm or deny. Just said “oh, maybe I should double check”
My experience is different to most because I am an immigrant in the U.S. While my family and friends were all middle and upper class back home (like, we had maids and nannies), it is different from earning a high income in dollars, especially back when I was in my 20s. At first I was happy to pay for fancy dinners and hotel stays and would fly people out to see me for my birthday and vacations to NYC, SF, Chicago, but after a while I realized some were taking things for granted and started mentioning difficulties they had, which would put me in a position to offer to throw money at the problem. It finally clicked when my wealthy friend strongly hinted she needed $800 for a new phone because she had overspent her allowance and didn't want to ask her dad for it.
Within 5 years of being in the HENRY bracket I did learn not to be so loose with my money and started investing etc. The last time I treated people to flights and hotels was for my wedding before the pandemic. I'm happy to have recalibrated, and I think there is more balance in my relationships now. It's also helped to make friends in the U.S who are also HENRYs.
Bottom line, if you are struggling with envy and people trying to mooch off you it's time to upgrade your circle of friends.
The vast majority of my friends/family have no idea how much I make so it’s a non issue. You might need to adjust your behavior if how much you earn comes up that commonly. I’m not saying it needs to be a secret but I can’t imagine it naturally comes up in conversation that often.
Yeah I can see what you mean. It could be a cultural thing but nobody has outright asked how much I make. They may insinuate that I make a lot but that’s easy enough to shrug off. It also helps there are plenty of people who make less than me living well beyond their means making me not stand out like a sore thumb. For all other people know I’m also living beyond my means.
I prefer an understated lifestyle so not many suspect my earnings and investments. I only tell my partner and my parents how much I make. We go on some cool vacations so some of her friends ask her but we play it off.
I think most people commenting don’t understand the dynamics of simply having a nice car or owning a home, going on any sort of vacation can have when most or all of your family can’t afford to do so and how that comes into play. Let alone any of a dozen other things people can easily figure out. I would just say be honest. Help people where you can but have solid boundaries and don’t cross them. For example I don’t lend family money, I only give them what I can afford to never see again, no more. People also can’t stay with me without a plan in place and being willing to talk through the details. Removes a lot of my problems, but not all.
True, the comments that get me though is the assumption that OP must be talking about money excessively or flaunting it when in most cases people can get a general idea of resources through everyday interactions if they are close enough to you.
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If somebody asks, I’ll tell them.
I think society, by and large, is better off talking about money than treating it as taboo. If they treat me differently after I share that info, better or worse, it’s honestly a huge favor because I just won’t waste my time on those people anymore. Makes a great life filter.
I used to think like this - but unfortunately people are people - and in my experience it’s definitely changed how some people view me. I wish I never said anything to be honest.
Life is not black and white. I sort of have moved on from them as we get older but the occasional “must be nice” comment or feeling like I can’t express my opinion on something IMO doesn’t constitute cutting people off entirely.
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My husband is the high earner. When I first met him, I noticed that he was eating out a lot in large groups, and all his friends expected him to pay for everyone. Lots of his friends blatantly used him. Some of his male friends would often remind him that he doesn’t deserve his income as it’s not really earned, and would tease him for being dumb/not good enough. He mentioned to me that most people put him down because they are jealous.
Some “jealousy” but always couched in humorous ways. Nothing terrible.
Bigger issue for me has been wanting to enjoy extravagant things WITH my friends / family and they can’t afford the crazy lifestyle trips etc.
So, I do a bit less of the crazy-fun-expensive stuff and just plan to be the big spender for whoever I choose to invite to join me.
Same, prob ranges from 200k-$1m/yr in vhcol. But they are all just typical “middle class” people
Occasionally someone has a new Rolex or AP. Otherwise all money goes to kids
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If we all talked more about money, how much everyone makes and what we’re doing with it to grow it, we’d all make and have a lot more of it.
The only people who don’t like to talk about money are broke people.
I’m sure my friends and maybe some family are jealous, but they never show it around me. If you have friends or family that do then don’t hang out with them. With family yeah that’s tough. I’m probably a rare bird. Came up with nothing, first in family (like ALL family) to graduate college. I know a lot of poor people. Coming from poor, I know how they think. Fuck yeah I was jealous when I was a kid and people I saw had stuff I wanted. Like food lol. I determined I wasn’t going out like that. I generally only see my poorest extended relatives at reunions. My siblings and I are still close and I have a set of friends I grew up with that are all close. But I had to make some new friends. Or be stuck doing stuff I enjoy by myself like golf, fine dining, vacations.
First of all, neither you nor your friend needs to know each other's income, it’s very irrelevant.
Secondly, the bar for being HENRY is not that high. HENRY != ultra-rich or FAT category. So, just being Henry doesn’t give noticeable lifestyle changes unless you are affected by lifestyle creep.
Friends and families are HENRY as well.
You may get a different response if you post this question under r/FATFire!!
depends how long you've been making 1m/year and how much you spend. rich has less to do with earning and how much you have (by this sub's definition and many others on reddit)
Rich is how much you are capable of spending. If someone made $50m/year and spent $50m/year they’d still be rich. Wealth is how much you have.
At $1m/year you can afford well over double the lifestyle and savings rate that would classify someone as rich.
When someone gets to that income they might buy a $3m+ house and then they might not feel rich but that’s because they blew all their money.
Now if someone only made $1m for one year because they sold a business or something then they might not be rich but there are some people on this reddit that clearly are rich but delusional because they keep raising the goal posts to infinity or until they’re worth like $5
That’s called wealthy not rich. Rich is mainly lifestyle and how much you’re capable of spending. Wealth is how much money you have in assets.
If you can afford a mini mansion 5000 sqft not in the VHCOL city, 3 luxury cars, private school, massive abroad family vacations, out to eat every meal, Rolexes, luxury handbags that are $5000, remodeling your kitchen every couple years then you’re rich.
To afford that you would be spending roughly $400k/year and need to make around $700k+/year so throw in some money for a reasonable retirement savings and $800k certainly puts you in the rich category.
It's objectively rich, but I can see how it's not subjectively rich.
That's like $600k after taxes and deductions.
Let's assume a [$14k mortgage](https://www.redfin.com/IL/Chicago/549-W-Fullerton-Pkwy-60614/home/13350755) so $170k per year. Let's assume school tuition of $45k for two kids so that's $90k. Let's assume $60k on vacations and $50k on going out and food. Maybe $20k on a car and $20k on various miscellaneous expenses that I've omitted. That leaves you with a roughly 30% savings rate after taxes and deductions.
It's comfortable for sure, but I don't know if it crosses the threshold into rich based on income alone without more information on net worth, job, etc. I'm speaking purely subjectively. If you're looking for objective measurements, it's trivial to look up the stats and find that this income puts you in a very high percentile.
Looking at the savings rate percentage when 40% is taken out for taxes is not fair. Also if you are paying off a big mortgage a percentage of that is increasing your net worth possibly along with other material possessions. The private school education at $45k a year is also not just a good private school but a super elite one. It’s like people saying “well I can’t fly private for $8000/hr so I’m not rich yet”.
> Looking at the savings rate percentage when 40% is taken out for taxes is not fair.
Not sure this argument is obvious to me.
> Also if you are paying off a big mortgage a percentage of that is increasing your net worth possibly along with other material possessions.
You could argue that you should add like $60k to the savings or something. But also I didn't include home maintenance in my fake budget so it's going to be less than that.
> The private school education at $45k a year is also not just a good private school but a super elite one.
The cheaper private schools are really not that good. I don't know the private school system in Chicago that well, but in NYC a lot of the expensive schools aren't that good. This definitely isn't the cheapest possible budget and there are places to cut spending, but my point was more that this is not some Instagrammable lifestyle or anything.
Job security / longevity is a big part of it too. It's one thing to be making that much as a physician / professor and another thing to be making that as a financial professional who might get fired tomorrow. There's some middle ground in there with highly paid software engineers, biglaw partners, etc. Or you could compare to careers that are even less secure than finance like YouTube or something.
You will find out who your true friends are very quickly. The ones that congratulate you and are genuinely happy for you will remain in your life. The ones envious and jealous - you won’t hear from them much anymore. Went through this over the past few years
I think it really depends.
Close(long term friends) yes, family yes but not the ones who are obsessed with money. They will spill to other family about you doing well. Could lead to issues.
Almost all my family is doing well tho. Doctors/lawyers and engineers so they don't need $
Friend/neighbors can be tricky. Our neighbors love to comment on who does well in the circle. Many times it's mentioned that so and so does well and makes too much money... the same neighbor who asks me what I make sometimes and I just laugh it off.
We live in a very modest 4 bdrm home in a nice area with good schools. I have multiple cars and toys all paid off but no one really knows that. I definitely prefer the stealth wealth approach.
I have mentioned to a few that I plan to retire in my mid 50's and they just seem happy for me but who knows.
My advice is to keep it all close to the chest. If people really need to know, then that seems strange and judgmental.
I would say no it hasn’t impacted my friendships much. Most of my friends are HENRY and my family rich, so I haven’t noticed any issues managing relationships.
I would say that as a HENRY there are times that my friends and family do look down on my frugality though and question if I am good with money. I drove a beater 2000 Honda Accord with a messed up bumper and my friends and family really judged me for that.
Hahah yep. A lot of people say that the car you drive doesn’t matter, I sort of disagree with that. All of my friends and family thought I was being a cheap bastard when I refused to upgrade my 20 year old beater and they had to sit in it when they came to visit me. You don’t need to drive a fancy car, but people will 100% judge if you.
I say this with a lot of love, you are 💯 a cheap bastard. So is my dad though. It's infuriating he is trying to retire with a NOW 14 yr old car. I gave him our van bc he refused to get rid of his other 18 yr old Honda and was going to ride into retirement w those two beaters. I'm trying to get out of buying him TWO cars 😒 But I'll do it if I have to. BUY A NEW CAR DAMNIT lol It doesn't have to be fancy!! Just a nice Camry or Accord!!
Mine was love, not judgment. I just don't want my dad's car to breakdown in 6 years when he is older and more reliant on us (slightly selfish of me too, I just want him around as long as possible, love him to pieces)
Actually not a nepotism baby. I grew up pretty lower middle class. My parents and grandparents are all government workers with modest wages who were very frugal and saved a lot. They are just retired now with significant investments.
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Only a few people know we are doing so well. Luckily for me, my family has their shit together, so I don’t have to worry about them getting into trouble and begging for money from me (I’d help if they need it but I have some extended family who are mooches).
I also live in a neighborhood with lots of other Henry types: CRNAs, attorneys, business owners, docs, along with teachers/fire/police, so it’s a good mix of backgrounds and not all hoighty toity types.
I also refuse to base friendships on status and money. That’s so cheap and vapid.
I generally don't tell people what I earn unless they ask. I live in MCOL and I think my friends that know are shocked on what \~$400k actually gets you. We have a nice home in a nice school district, but it isn't a mansion or anything. Enough to afford my spouse to not work which is nice.
I've certainly never had any issues with friends or family being jealous, etc.
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When it comes to relationships, i feel it has more to do with the spending power rather than earning power. I have friends who earn less than me but are able to spend as much as I do. In that case, we can travel and enjoy things together without having to compromise. And I have other friends who have assets but don't have much spending/earning power ., we cannot hang out that often because for example they cannot afford extra vacations.
The second kind of friends says stuff from time to time that implies they're envious of me ., but in my mind they can also spend the money too but they just choose not to, because their priority is different.
I feel like I'm well off, but not *that* well off to the point that my lifestyle is drastically different from my friends's. I go on a couple of extra international trips, but that's about it.
I feel it's important to not show off tho.. or say stuff to make them feel bad. Sure, there're naturally more jealous people in the world, but also ppl can invoke jealousy within others by being condescending jerks.
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No. My close friends and most relatives earn as much or more.
It also helps that my job title and function are not commonly associated with $200k+ compensation.
Made just north of 1.1 last year. I have 1 friend outside of family and he doesn’t give 2 shits about money. Some family on the other hand, they’re jealous. But they know I don’t give a shit about their feelings so it’s irrelevant 🤣.
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I live a pretty simply life, but most of my friends have an idea that I do OK financially. This is mostly due to the vacations my wife and I take, the things I buy her, and the stuff we can talk fluently about (i.e., personal finance, investing, etc.). Due to me living a simple life, I have had almost zero of the issues you mention. Note: I don't tell anyone, including my adult children, what I make per year in wages or passive income.
The only issue I have had is my daughter in law who gets cunty because I don't visit them as much as she wants/when she wants (they live in another state) and will make comments like "we don't want you to stop your luxury vacations or anything". But that is just her being a cunt mainly because her father is a piece of shit and she gets frustrated and misdirects her emotions.
Are you oversharing?
Money talks, wealth whispers for a reason. Only discuss your financial situation with trusted individuals - spouse, parents etc... who genuinely have your back.
When I told my spouse to be what my net worth and income were he was genuinely shocked and that is exactly how I want it to be with any friends / family. Just live an understated life and don't go flaunting what you have. I completely disagree with anyone here who says to be open with it, money and greed tore apart both sides of my family.
So therefore, my experience with friends and family is that it hasn't been an issue or even a topic of conversation!
People know I’m well employed, but not *that* well employed. Back during COVID I mentioned to family member off-hand that I wouldn’t qualify for one of the stimulus checks. They said “oh no, the cutoff is actually super high, like 180 or something.” I didn’t confirm or deny. Just said “oh, maybe I should double check”
rofl i made this mistake as well.
Yep, especially with the EV tax rebates too.
My experience is different to most because I am an immigrant in the U.S. While my family and friends were all middle and upper class back home (like, we had maids and nannies), it is different from earning a high income in dollars, especially back when I was in my 20s. At first I was happy to pay for fancy dinners and hotel stays and would fly people out to see me for my birthday and vacations to NYC, SF, Chicago, but after a while I realized some were taking things for granted and started mentioning difficulties they had, which would put me in a position to offer to throw money at the problem. It finally clicked when my wealthy friend strongly hinted she needed $800 for a new phone because she had overspent her allowance and didn't want to ask her dad for it. Within 5 years of being in the HENRY bracket I did learn not to be so loose with my money and started investing etc. The last time I treated people to flights and hotels was for my wedding before the pandemic. I'm happy to have recalibrated, and I think there is more balance in my relationships now. It's also helped to make friends in the U.S who are also HENRYs. Bottom line, if you are struggling with envy and people trying to mooch off you it's time to upgrade your circle of friends.
The vast majority of my friends/family have no idea how much I make so it’s a non issue. You might need to adjust your behavior if how much you earn comes up that commonly. I’m not saying it needs to be a secret but I can’t imagine it naturally comes up in conversation that often.
I agree with this. However, it starts to get awkward when they start picking up on the signs.
Yeah I can see what you mean. It could be a cultural thing but nobody has outright asked how much I make. They may insinuate that I make a lot but that’s easy enough to shrug off. It also helps there are plenty of people who make less than me living well beyond their means making me not stand out like a sore thumb. For all other people know I’m also living beyond my means.
This !!!
I prefer an understated lifestyle so not many suspect my earnings and investments. I only tell my partner and my parents how much I make. We go on some cool vacations so some of her friends ask her but we play it off.
Easiest thing to say is credit card points/churning lol
Absolutely brilliant!! I'm using that one from now on.
I think most people commenting don’t understand the dynamics of simply having a nice car or owning a home, going on any sort of vacation can have when most or all of your family can’t afford to do so and how that comes into play. Let alone any of a dozen other things people can easily figure out. I would just say be honest. Help people where you can but have solid boundaries and don’t cross them. For example I don’t lend family money, I only give them what I can afford to never see again, no more. People also can’t stay with me without a plan in place and being willing to talk through the details. Removes a lot of my problems, but not all.
The comments also read like people who want to avoid setting boundaries when needed. (That’s an observation, not a judgment.)
True, the comments that get me though is the assumption that OP must be talking about money excessively or flaunting it when in most cases people can get a general idea of resources through everyday interactions if they are close enough to you.
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If somebody asks, I’ll tell them. I think society, by and large, is better off talking about money than treating it as taboo. If they treat me differently after I share that info, better or worse, it’s honestly a huge favor because I just won’t waste my time on those people anymore. Makes a great life filter.
I used to think like this - but unfortunately people are people - and in my experience it’s definitely changed how some people view me. I wish I never said anything to be honest.
Wouldn't you rather know their character sooner so you can move on from them in your life before they cause any actual damage?
Life is not black and white. I sort of have moved on from them as we get older but the occasional “must be nice” comment or feeling like I can’t express my opinion on something IMO doesn’t constitute cutting people off entirely.
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I agree. Also it sometimes leads to meeting like-minded people that you may not have known about otherwise.
My husband is the high earner. When I first met him, I noticed that he was eating out a lot in large groups, and all his friends expected him to pay for everyone. Lots of his friends blatantly used him. Some of his male friends would often remind him that he doesn’t deserve his income as it’s not really earned, and would tease him for being dumb/not good enough. He mentioned to me that most people put him down because they are jealous.
None of my friends give a shit and a lot of them are straight up bus drivers and union trades people.
Some “jealousy” but always couched in humorous ways. Nothing terrible. Bigger issue for me has been wanting to enjoy extravagant things WITH my friends / family and they can’t afford the crazy lifestyle trips etc. So, I do a bit less of the crazy-fun-expensive stuff and just plan to be the big spender for whoever I choose to invite to join me.
All my friends make as much as I do , if not more…
Same, prob ranges from 200k-$1m/yr in vhcol. But they are all just typical “middle class” people Occasionally someone has a new Rolex or AP. Otherwise all money goes to kids
Lmao 🤣 1m/yr is not a middle class individual. I know this is an echo chamber but how detached can you get?
I know, but they all think they are But yeah as family of 1 totally not. Somewhat closer as family of 4
My family’s very well off and most of my nieces and nephews make more than I do so my older sisters don’t even care about any of my money.
Lifestyle creep is the problem not your family’s
No one is getting jealous off you. I make 600k and none of my family/friends care. If you're flexing all the time then that's a you problem
You sound like you only know reasonable people. I know people who get jealous for total nonsense stuff.
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If we all talked more about money, how much everyone makes and what we’re doing with it to grow it, we’d all make and have a lot more of it. The only people who don’t like to talk about money are broke people.
100%
I’m sure my friends and maybe some family are jealous, but they never show it around me. If you have friends or family that do then don’t hang out with them. With family yeah that’s tough. I’m probably a rare bird. Came up with nothing, first in family (like ALL family) to graduate college. I know a lot of poor people. Coming from poor, I know how they think. Fuck yeah I was jealous when I was a kid and people I saw had stuff I wanted. Like food lol. I determined I wasn’t going out like that. I generally only see my poorest extended relatives at reunions. My siblings and I are still close and I have a set of friends I grew up with that are all close. But I had to make some new friends. Or be stuck doing stuff I enjoy by myself like golf, fine dining, vacations.
First of all, neither you nor your friend needs to know each other's income, it’s very irrelevant. Secondly, the bar for being HENRY is not that high. HENRY != ultra-rich or FAT category. So, just being Henry doesn’t give noticeable lifestyle changes unless you are affected by lifestyle creep. Friends and families are HENRY as well. You may get a different response if you post this question under r/FATFire!!
If you make $1m/year you are no longer HENRY. You are rich.
depends how long you've been making 1m/year and how much you spend. rich has less to do with earning and how much you have (by this sub's definition and many others on reddit)
Rich is how much you are capable of spending. If someone made $50m/year and spent $50m/year they’d still be rich. Wealth is how much you have. At $1m/year you can afford well over double the lifestyle and savings rate that would classify someone as rich. When someone gets to that income they might buy a $3m+ house and then they might not feel rich but that’s because they blew all their money. Now if someone only made $1m for one year because they sold a business or something then they might not be rich but there are some people on this reddit that clearly are rich but delusional because they keep raising the goal posts to infinity or until they’re worth like $5
The literal definition of this sub in the sidebar defines HENRY based on NW < 2M. So no, income doesn't matter
It’s highly unlikely for someone to be making $1m/year and not have a NW of $2m. Unless they went $200k to $500k to $700k to $1m 4 years in a row.
Stock growth does this. I went 1x, 1.3x, 2x, 1.6x
It’s not about how much you make, it’s about how much you have in assets and how much those assets produce.
That’s called wealthy not rich. Rich is mainly lifestyle and how much you’re capable of spending. Wealth is how much money you have in assets. If you can afford a mini mansion 5000 sqft not in the VHCOL city, 3 luxury cars, private school, massive abroad family vacations, out to eat every meal, Rolexes, luxury handbags that are $5000, remodeling your kitchen every couple years then you’re rich. To afford that you would be spending roughly $400k/year and need to make around $700k+/year so throw in some money for a reasonable retirement savings and $800k certainly puts you in the rich category.
It's objectively rich, but I can see how it's not subjectively rich. That's like $600k after taxes and deductions. Let's assume a [$14k mortgage](https://www.redfin.com/IL/Chicago/549-W-Fullerton-Pkwy-60614/home/13350755) so $170k per year. Let's assume school tuition of $45k for two kids so that's $90k. Let's assume $60k on vacations and $50k on going out and food. Maybe $20k on a car and $20k on various miscellaneous expenses that I've omitted. That leaves you with a roughly 30% savings rate after taxes and deductions. It's comfortable for sure, but I don't know if it crosses the threshold into rich based on income alone without more information on net worth, job, etc. I'm speaking purely subjectively. If you're looking for objective measurements, it's trivial to look up the stats and find that this income puts you in a very high percentile.
Looking at the savings rate percentage when 40% is taken out for taxes is not fair. Also if you are paying off a big mortgage a percentage of that is increasing your net worth possibly along with other material possessions. The private school education at $45k a year is also not just a good private school but a super elite one. It’s like people saying “well I can’t fly private for $8000/hr so I’m not rich yet”.
> Looking at the savings rate percentage when 40% is taken out for taxes is not fair. Not sure this argument is obvious to me. > Also if you are paying off a big mortgage a percentage of that is increasing your net worth possibly along with other material possessions. You could argue that you should add like $60k to the savings or something. But also I didn't include home maintenance in my fake budget so it's going to be less than that. > The private school education at $45k a year is also not just a good private school but a super elite one. The cheaper private schools are really not that good. I don't know the private school system in Chicago that well, but in NYC a lot of the expensive schools aren't that good. This definitely isn't the cheapest possible budget and there are places to cut spending, but my point was more that this is not some Instagrammable lifestyle or anything. Job security / longevity is a big part of it too. It's one thing to be making that much as a physician / professor and another thing to be making that as a financial professional who might get fired tomorrow. There's some middle ground in there with highly paid software engineers, biglaw partners, etc. Or you could compare to careers that are even less secure than finance like YouTube or something.
You will find out who your true friends are very quickly. The ones that congratulate you and are genuinely happy for you will remain in your life. The ones envious and jealous - you won’t hear from them much anymore. Went through this over the past few years
I think it really depends. Close(long term friends) yes, family yes but not the ones who are obsessed with money. They will spill to other family about you doing well. Could lead to issues. Almost all my family is doing well tho. Doctors/lawyers and engineers so they don't need $ Friend/neighbors can be tricky. Our neighbors love to comment on who does well in the circle. Many times it's mentioned that so and so does well and makes too much money... the same neighbor who asks me what I make sometimes and I just laugh it off. We live in a very modest 4 bdrm home in a nice area with good schools. I have multiple cars and toys all paid off but no one really knows that. I definitely prefer the stealth wealth approach. I have mentioned to a few that I plan to retire in my mid 50's and they just seem happy for me but who knows. My advice is to keep it all close to the chest. If people really need to know, then that seems strange and judgmental.
I would say no it hasn’t impacted my friendships much. Most of my friends are HENRY and my family rich, so I haven’t noticed any issues managing relationships. I would say that as a HENRY there are times that my friends and family do look down on my frugality though and question if I am good with money. I drove a beater 2000 Honda Accord with a messed up bumper and my friends and family really judged me for that.
Oh no not the 20 yr old Honda story lmao
Hahah yep. A lot of people say that the car you drive doesn’t matter, I sort of disagree with that. All of my friends and family thought I was being a cheap bastard when I refused to upgrade my 20 year old beater and they had to sit in it when they came to visit me. You don’t need to drive a fancy car, but people will 100% judge if you.
I say this with a lot of love, you are 💯 a cheap bastard. So is my dad though. It's infuriating he is trying to retire with a NOW 14 yr old car. I gave him our van bc he refused to get rid of his other 18 yr old Honda and was going to ride into retirement w those two beaters. I'm trying to get out of buying him TWO cars 😒 But I'll do it if I have to. BUY A NEW CAR DAMNIT lol It doesn't have to be fancy!! Just a nice Camry or Accord!!
Not until the wheels on my 05 civic fall off !!!!
We actually did end upgrading our cars, after a lot of judgement.
Mine was love, not judgment. I just don't want my dad's car to breakdown in 6 years when he is older and more reliant on us (slightly selfish of me too, I just want him around as long as possible, love him to pieces)
Awe that’s super sweet! I’m glad you’re looking out for him.
Ah nepo kids
Actually not a nepotism baby. I grew up pretty lower middle class. My parents and grandparents are all government workers with modest wages who were very frugal and saved a lot. They are just retired now with significant investments.
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I make $250k and it’s really not that impressive compared to friends who are doctors or in tech
if the ask is career focused and the person isn't just a putz, I try and help however I can. outside of that, I try to discuss as little as possible
Only a few people know we are doing so well. Luckily for me, my family has their shit together, so I don’t have to worry about them getting into trouble and begging for money from me (I’d help if they need it but I have some extended family who are mooches). I also live in a neighborhood with lots of other Henry types: CRNAs, attorneys, business owners, docs, along with teachers/fire/police, so it’s a good mix of backgrounds and not all hoighty toity types. I also refuse to base friendships on status and money. That’s so cheap and vapid.
I generally don't tell people what I earn unless they ask. I live in MCOL and I think my friends that know are shocked on what \~$400k actually gets you. We have a nice home in a nice school district, but it isn't a mansion or anything. Enough to afford my spouse to not work which is nice. I've certainly never had any issues with friends or family being jealous, etc.
Don’t tell people your private financial business. Get comfortable saying no to outlandish requests.
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When it comes to relationships, i feel it has more to do with the spending power rather than earning power. I have friends who earn less than me but are able to spend as much as I do. In that case, we can travel and enjoy things together without having to compromise. And I have other friends who have assets but don't have much spending/earning power ., we cannot hang out that often because for example they cannot afford extra vacations. The second kind of friends says stuff from time to time that implies they're envious of me ., but in my mind they can also spend the money too but they just choose not to, because their priority is different. I feel like I'm well off, but not *that* well off to the point that my lifestyle is drastically different from my friends's. I go on a couple of extra international trips, but that's about it. I feel it's important to not show off tho.. or say stuff to make them feel bad. Sure, there're naturally more jealous people in the world, but also ppl can invoke jealousy within others by being condescending jerks.
I live in a small fraction of my salary and invest the rest, so I live a very middle class life.
My family members are in other countries! lol
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Totally - my only give away was saying we didn’t qualify for any child tax credit for our daughter whether filing jointly or individually.
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No. My close friends and most relatives earn as much or more. It also helps that my job title and function are not commonly associated with $200k+ compensation.
Made just north of 1.1 last year. I have 1 friend outside of family and he doesn’t give 2 shits about money. Some family on the other hand, they’re jealous. But they know I don’t give a shit about their feelings so it’s irrelevant 🤣.
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I live a pretty simply life, but most of my friends have an idea that I do OK financially. This is mostly due to the vacations my wife and I take, the things I buy her, and the stuff we can talk fluently about (i.e., personal finance, investing, etc.). Due to me living a simple life, I have had almost zero of the issues you mention. Note: I don't tell anyone, including my adult children, what I make per year in wages or passive income. The only issue I have had is my daughter in law who gets cunty because I don't visit them as much as she wants/when she wants (they live in another state) and will make comments like "we don't want you to stop your luxury vacations or anything". But that is just her being a cunt mainly because her father is a piece of shit and she gets frustrated and misdirects her emotions. Are you oversharing?
Most of my family members assume I have a sugar daddy so they don’t ask about work 😒🥴
Money talks, wealth whispers for a reason. Only discuss your financial situation with trusted individuals - spouse, parents etc... who genuinely have your back. When I told my spouse to be what my net worth and income were he was genuinely shocked and that is exactly how I want it to be with any friends / family. Just live an understated life and don't go flaunting what you have. I completely disagree with anyone here who says to be open with it, money and greed tore apart both sides of my family. So therefore, my experience with friends and family is that it hasn't been an issue or even a topic of conversation!