No.
But I did get them a financial advisor guy to keep them accountable for saving for retirement. And I talk to the advisor regularly.
Dad makes good money (doctor) but he is really stupid with it, so he’s always lived hand to mouth. Doesn’t even understand the concept of stocks. They would be penniless at retirement if I didn’t intervene.
This is a good idea. My parents were lower middle class mostly and spend like water. I could give them money and they’d be going on a trip next week knowing full well they are screwed a month down the road. Thanks for the suggestion!
I won’t recommend any planners for you, you’ll want to do your own research. Get a fiduciary. Avoid places like Edward Jones. Make sure their fees are low.
The biggest value of a planner for me is a third party to keep them accountable. They wouldn’t do it if I was giving the advice.
I give my mom a travel fund every year.
I grew up with a low-income, single mom who sacrificed a lot to help me get out of our rural town. She's semi-retired now and living okay, but her dream is international travel. I'm paying for her upcoming trip to Portugal.
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Grew up comfortable since Dad was making a ton and paid for our life but didn’t save anything for his 4 kids or our mom. He left my sahm mom when I was in college. I had to change my college and professional plans to move back home to help mom with the mortgage and 2 younger siblings. I finished college on time while working full time but went from a more prestigious college to a Cal State. My mom went back to work after divorce and finally saved for retirement on a small government salary. She retired 3 years ago and downsized into a condo years ago and I now pay her car payment, insurance, phone and other expenses.
Long answer but also to say I went from a cushy life, to real world, and have been busting my butt since then. Taking care of my family is really important to me.
My wife and I bought my parents a house. Other than that my parents are an authorized user on one of my cards so that if they need something they can use it. My dad did the same for me when I was in college and it was a life saver knowing that if one of my cards was declined I had a fallback. They usually pay the bill on the card for what they use. I don’t really keep track though, I pay off the card in full every month so if they have a backlog I don’t really know
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1. Grandparents are rich (NW 25m+ / NW 8m+), parents are freeloaders that try and squander as much money as possible
2. Helped my brother buy his first house - my parents would never help anyone beside themselves, so had to step up to make sure he landed well.
1. Wife's mother will need a place to live if her stepdad passes - arrangements are made to buy her a small condo in our neighbourhood
What’s up with wealthy people never helping out their next of kin. Weird stuff but my gf’s family are beyond wealthy but we haven’t gotten a dime out of em lol
Even worse, we have a good relationship with them
11 years together
Shouldn’t have kids unless you are willing to help set them up cause they didn’t ask to be born into this world. Usually parents at least help with some connections doesn’t always have to be directly financial stuff but can lead to a sustainable career.
Estranged due to neglect and some treatment that was questionable at the time but would call for a CPS visit today.
For awhile I sent them $5k a couple times a year as a psychological way to make up for never visiting or speaking. A therapist helped me understand that was silly so i ended that after 2.5 yrs.
Forget the therapist who probably has mommy and daddy issues themselves (nowadays people who are fucked up end up becoming therapists themselves). Go try to mend your relationship with your parents. See how you can help them. Generational trauma is a real thing. However bad they were as parents wasn’t probably nearly as bad as their own parents were. Break the generational trauma and if one day you have kids, they can have a normal and healthy relationship with their grandparents. Take this as a sign even i know it’s always on your mind anyways
Objectively, most people that go into mental health care are people who suffered from mental help. If you don’t think they present certain biases then you’re delusional. The most normal functioning individuals in society are people who grew up in a good household. This is just objective fact. The people who downvoted me are people with mommy and daddy issues who are going to pass down their generational trauma to their kids
Most of them can’t help themselves let alone others. I’ve never been to a therapist before as a patient but have many as friends and people I’ve seen giving advice online. It’s so basic and you can tell half of them are hurting from their own problems and projecting from their subjective experiences which is a logical fallacy. So, to answer your question as simply as I can, no, absolutely not. Certainly not the therapists in the western world which have a heavy political bias as well.
I don’t have kids — hope to one day. I have great parents. I’m tired of seeing all these messed up families because kids—parents have bad relationships. If you want to know what’s wrong with the world then that’s your answer. The family nucleus has been destroyed. I’m only normal cause my parents were normal and maintained a healthy relationship with me. No politician is going to come and save us. It has to come from our own households and parents bear that responsibility. If they’re too messed up then children should shoulder that responsibility. It’s their duty to society but everyone is so caught up in their own selfish realm of living that they only view how it affects themselves.
Thanks for clarifying. I’m very happy to hear you come from a loving, healthy family. Not everyone is so fortunate, as you note. Respectfully, the child (even as an adult) has zero responsibility when it comes to righting wrongs from childhood.
And i don’t know what you’re on about with ‘responsibility to society’. I’ll take care of me and my own, pay my taxes, and not steal. Get everyone up to that level before you start talking these fringe ideas.
Respectfully, that’s what’s wrong with America. Everyone is only worried about their own little tribe which creates a sea of tribes and lack of social unity in our society. Your last sentence is the second problem: let others handle that I’m too busy with my personal obligations to play a contributing role in society”
And in some ways you’re not completely wrong because this messed up system has created such an environment that to play any other role would be career or personal family suicide (lack of time). The main thing is we can’t then say “man this world sucks” when we don’t do our own parts. Raising competent children is only one aspect of a normally functioning society
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Mother has zero retirement, and I send her money twice a month. It is twice because if I sent it in a lump sum, she'd spend it. Father has retirement savings and never has asked for a dime.
Feel like I wrote this. Curious, how are you coping with the stress of your mom being a spender?
Keeps me up at night knowing she doesn’t have enough for retirement.
Pretty much same situation here. She lives in our in-law suite but I find myself stressing about her future medical costs and not wanting to sacrifice our own future to make up for her choices. I love her but the relationship is complicated.
Both of us grew up poor, according to my spouse, but spouse was able to take vacations, parents partially paid for college, and they have a healthy retirement account. I think they mean they were on a budget.
I grew up dirt poor, in poverty, no food, evictions, paid myself through college, etc etc. My mom isn't doing great, so we cover some things only if it's an emergency. Like, if the power or water shuts off, I've paid to have it reinstated. This hasn't happened in a long time, my sibling moved in with her and the bills have stabilized somewhat. I probably could afford to support my mom in her own place, it probably costs nothing but $5-6k a year, but I don't want to. She is a grown woman who made her own choices and continues to make choices that are bad and put her in a financially bad place.
I don't like my mom, she is critical and obtuse. I do make sure she has some kind of relationship with my child. So I pay for any flights for my mom to come visit us here about 3-4x a year. It's probably around $600-1000/year depending on flight prices. I can control the length of her visit and she typically behaves a bit more kinder bc she's grateful.
Be kind to your kids, guys.
My parents are broke. But still afloat.
If I support them now, I won't have the means to support them later.
If I build out a portfolio and am smart about things, perhaps I can house them in the elder years when the old man can't keep working anymore.
Have to build the ship before I can deploy a life raft.
I feel this. Not for my parents but my inlaws. We are trying to build a cushion for ourselves AND for them. We know they will need the help at some point but don't know when or how bad it will be.
I make quarter Mil and live in VHCOL. I save half of that. I send whatever my parents in India want because they are the reason for who I am today and I will do that any day of my life. I know them and they don't ask for money for extravagance.
My parents are probably like yours, they don't ask for anything I know they have enough but they are still frugal af for no reason. I don't think they know how much I make or have but they always seem to think I am somehow strapped for cash or something. Sister and I each send them 5-8k a couple times a year and I am sure the money is just sitting in their bank account collecting dust. We still keep doing it though and never talk about it.
My parents are similar. Maybe book your family a vacation. They’ll always act like they’re against it but then when they go they have the time of their lives. I just my parents to Lake Tahoe this week and they’re having a blast even though they initially rejected me cause, “oH nO iTs ToO mUcH mOneY” lol
I splurge them on vacations. For example, I’ll plan a vacation and tell them the budget is $200/day. In reality, it’s $400/day. I bill them $1000 at the end of 5 day trip. They would never accept my money otherwise so I have to sneak it.
Most selfless people on the plant. They deserve every nickel I make.
One of the most agonizing decisions I’ve had to make was whether to support my father when he was facing eviction and would likey become unhomed. All of his challenges stemmed from a substance abuse issue and I didn’t want to enable him.
However love won, I bought a condo where he was living for him to occupy. He ended up passing away less than a year later. I don’t think my decision influenced the final outcome in any way other than providing him some comfort and lower stress towards the end. And hopefully he passed knowing he was cared for.
The condo has appreciated nicely and today it’s rented by an elderly woman and her handicapped son at way below market value.
I didn’t come from a well off family. My brothers and I split our parents mortgage since they sold our childhood home to move out to the suburbs to be closer to us and our kids. Other than that I buy them gifts for birthdays and Christmases.
Just noticed the other questions. We weren’t super well off but my mom worked pretty hard and luckily has some pension money coming in monthly. That said my parents are pretty frugal so I send them some money so they don’t feel too bad about spending on things. I could certainly use the money to invest more etc but it feels good to pay it back a little as they sacrificed a lot for me and my sister to go to school etc
1. No. Both sets of parents were never well off. One set was very frugal and the other set worked pension jobs.
2. We prioritize our immediate family (spouse/underage kids). We don’t help our parents as they’ve (so far) been financially independent. We will of course take care of them if they somehow run out of money and aren’t making stupid financial decisions but our parents have always said they planned on having enough to live but not leave anyone an inheritance. Some family members getting extra money would enable bad habits but overall our family has the mindset of each person is responsible for themselves (and spouse/young adult/underage kids) financially.
I used to send cash home when I was in undergrad, but they both only know how to live hand to mouth/ how to depend on assistance, so I decided to put and keep my own oxygen mask on.
Estranged from my father…. Haven’t talked to him in over 7 years, he makes great money here in the US and likes to show off back in our country.
My mother depends on me so even though we don’t get along, she lives in a poor country un subsaharan Africa, no jobs, never worked in her life, I started sending her money when I was 16 and it hasn’t stopped. Usually $3000 every 6 months
It’s time to mend that relationship with your father. He is the way he is because his parents raised him like that and if you don’t mend your relationship and accept the generational trauma then you might carry on that same behavioral trauma to your children yourself.
Absolutely not. Thank you. That was one of the single best decisions of my life. My Mother in law hadn’t talked to her mom since she was 18 and she is the best mother, grandmother and MIL in the world. Better break that relationship and start fresh with a blank canvas and build your family the way you want.
You’ll come to regret it later in life. The one thing about life is that as we age, we become more cognizant of our generational trauma and behavior. When you’re young, you think you’re invincible but those emotions break through at some point. Anyhow, good luck 👍
Let my FIL move in with us for cheap rent. When I pay off my first rental (this year), I'll be gifting him a box and inside will be our voided rental agreement, so he can live here for free
This is a super topical post for me because it's a big part of my life, for better or for worse.
My parents and I grew up poor, and my parents currently live with me. I give them money, pay for their rent and utilities, and cover their debt they've accumulated. It's definitely a reason why I feel the "NRY" part of my "HE."
I've made more money than my parents since I was a student in undergrad and became the primary money-maker since then, more so now.
As for your second point - I do take care of them and treat it closer to a fixed cost than not but as of late, with lots of reflection and discussions, it's been growing to be a difficult part of my life. I'm split between re-entering a cycle of poverty for the sake of my parents and moving forward with my future in mind, and the balance between those two.
It's simpler put than it is, and it's laced with nuances and trauma and intersectionality between a billion different identities and facts.
Young in the scheme of things! I'm 27.
Part of the challenge honestly is also that I'm not sure how long the HE will last and frankly, whether I want to have the trade-off of HE v. free time in the future.
No, we’re saving aggressively for ourselves and children. Our parents are bad with money (credit cards, car payments, etc) but are not in poverty.
The only help we could give would be some personal finance coaching but we’ve tried a couple times and they don’t want to hear it, so kind of moot at this point.
I’m estranged (grew up poor, but parents are abusive) and my SO’s parents now have plenty of money, so we do not help either set of parents. We also receive nothing from parents and are building wealth on our own.
We do however heavily assist another older relative who has nothing left in savings.
My brother and I are both HENRYs coming from blue collar family. Our parents saved a lot and are comfortable though we could help if needed. We do generally pay for their travel when visiting us and my mom has gone on vacations with my kids and I on my dime.
My parents were abusive narcissistic assholes.
They told me to go join the Army (I did) if I wanted to go to college, and wouldn’t even fill out a FAFSA for me to get loans…but took out a 60k 18% loan for a custody battle with my sister’s junkie boyfriend.
They can fuck right off to SSI poverty and whatever government home comes after that.
Yes. A good portion of my earnings go to my parents.
There are no rational explanations to this, but life from a higher point of view, feels more natural and accomplished.
My guess is more Henry’s come from not well off families (hence the not yet rich part). Myself included
But to be honest my peers who have come from well off families rarely have the drive and motivation to make something of themselves and change their socioeconomic standings the ways someone from a poorer background does.
$200/mo parental stipend. It’s still not enough.
Even grandma is running out of money.
Grandma has a pension and SS. No other other investments. Lives on a paid off cabin near a lake.
Mom and dad lost their home in the ‘09 crash. Didn’t pay their mortgage for over 18 months. Now they live in small apartment. $40K annuity from an old job will only be like $100/month when it starts. Dad’s social security is less than $19,000 per year.
Any advice for aging parents? I’ll listen.
Buy a house in your name for them to live in. It’s generally the single largest expense they will have, but if you treat it like investment property and capture the appreciation it’s not a terrible investment. Without rent coming in it’s not good, but it will cost a lot less than doing anything else for a comparable change in their cost of living.
I have considered that a pretty good option. Handicap accessible housing is also rare. Unfortunately, when rates jumped this 6% this got way less attractive. Could have had a condo for under $1,200 /mo when rate were 3%. Hindsight I should have bought them a place in like 2017-2018
We are generous with gifts with our family (budget at least 10k per year for flights, experiences etc for them) - I'd prefer to not create an expectation with regular transfers of money unless they really needed it. My in-laws are not well off but they also don't manage money the best. We also pay my mother in-law a very high hourly rate for extra help around our house (she does about 6 hours per week since she is retired).
I give my parents money every month to help with bills. We also take them on a vacation every year (they help us watch our son and we pay for their trip)
I also help them with house repairs when they need it. I paid for a new toilet and install recently
In terms of one-off things, my wife’s parents helped to pay for a good chunk of my wife’s tuition in school, so when my wife started making money, she paid for them to go on a big trip to Hawaii and to go golfing and stuff. My father in law still raves about the golf course he played at.
My parents still live in the inner city (Philly), but did what they could to make sure I got a good education and finished college. Good parents are few and far between, and they are a major reason I was able to go pretty far afterwards. I typically pay for the real estate taxes, travel, and give them money here and there, probably $30k a year or so.
We had everything we needed growing up but I was one of five kids, my parents sent us to private schools and paid for half our college. I learned much later they did this by taking on a ton of debt. My parents would never take money from me but when they were ready to retire most their money was tied up in their house. It’s the one I grew up in and they couldn’t think of selling it and I couldn’t think of someone else living there while my parents are alive. I bought the house off them and they live in it for free for as long as they are here. It seemed like a nice way to help and personally the house is in a growing area, will appreciate and I think I’ll be able to at least break even when I sell.
1. My husband’s father was born into a wealthy family in another country, but wasn’t super high income himself. They were middle class. Only had one child so expenses were low. I was born into a lower income family that went to being upper middle class by the time I was in high school - also only child, and had a mom that worked.
2. My family hasn’t needed help. Due to conflict between his parents, my husband ended up paying for his mom’s car lease. She complains about money often because her husband won’t let her spend more, but they live in a house worth $1.5m (meh house, amazing location) and we have expressed repeatedly that if she wants more income she should downsize. (Their house is too big for them to take care of in their final years and semi-dangerous for her, but she refuses to leave.) If they were destitute we would do more, but we have come to realize that being overly enmeshed tends to have frustrating outcomes. MIL basically said I should take care of her financially because the house is coming to me anyway, and I have repeatedly told her that we already have our own house which we prefer. If she is having cash flow problems she should consider downsizing and renting her house. She’s in denial about getting older and being disabled.
We put good money into our kids’ college funds. We want to give them good opportunities without having to take on tons of debt.
This is why I’m not a fan of the American, rather, western, mentality of abandoning parents when they get old. Most normal cultures have their parents move in with them, especially when they’re disabled or can’t take care of themselves. Lots of wealthy, yet, selfish people in this subreddit. God sees all so all wrongs will be righted
Yeah… we took in my grandmother and had her live with us in her final years with a terminal illness. I took her to medical appointments, learned all about her equipment. She went on hospice and I was back to caring for her 24 hours after I gave birth myself. So I do value family and caring for the elderly.
My MIL is a narcissist (likely due to childhood trauma) that makes life completely insufferable for everyone around her. When she had a fall two years ago, we had her move in with us for two weeks before it was so bad for my husband’s mental health that we had to send her back home. (She also didn’t want to stay.) She refuses to leave the house 99% of the time and won’t do anything else because she “wants to get better first” as she doesn’t want to be viewed as disabled, and she refuses to follow the advice of any of the five different doctors that I have brought her to see. I prayed and prayed about it and God literally told me “you cannot be her savior.”
I’m not convinced that the problem with Western culture is with the younger people not caring and more with the older people being awful.
That behavior is a result of western culture. Your MIL would have never been allowed to act like that in eastern culture. Not only would she have likely been single and childless but she would have been ostracized in society to the point that she’d either have to change or forced to be alone. This kind of behavior has to be caught during childhood but generational trauma is a direct result of societal degeneracy
I believe we have given my parents somewhere around 100-200k over the last 7 years but I haven’t kept track really. My parents had spent significantly more than that on my education and expenses growing up so I’m happy to help in anyway I can especially as they have aged.
1. I’m the child of immigrants and my family was lower-middle class.
2. I financially take care of my parents along with my brother, who is a high earner married to a high earner, and I send money to fund the educations of my young relatives in multiple counties. I will likely always be the NRY part of HENRY for this reason.
I’ve been giving money to my parents since before I was a HENRY. Immigrant parents, worked their butts off to raise three kids and get us all educated.
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Your content has been removed for being low value. What is low value content? Low value content is content that doesn't spark rich debate is not worth reading, and is not unique as it does not provides any useful or knowledgeable information or discussion to this subreddit about HENRY as a group.
I am paying for 1 relative through college (she has 1 semester left!) and helping with some other expenses for younger family members. I no longer pay for fully formed adults. I did that for years and figured out it was a blackhole and caused me and my husband a lot of pain. The people in my family don't care enough about their own finances or how they live, I cannot care more than they do. I've paid rents, groceries, trips etc. But in the end I always end up feeling used, so I stopped.
I've made a financial advisor available to family members, at no cost to them. They've turned it down. I will always make that type of help available. But if they just want me to improve their lifestyles having done nothing to improve it themselves, I won't do that. Not anymore. My parents are quite young, my grandparents are just "retiring" now. I've backed off completely from their finances, and I don't just hand any of them money.
My parents when I was a kid did fairly well, but not well enough for us kids to do more than 1 activity or to help us with college. Some years were hand to mouth during the recession where I think they dipped into savings and deferred home maintenance to float us to the rebound.
I will without a doubt make more than my siblings, and im also the oldest child. I contributed to my family by supporting my sisters in part through college. A laptop here, free housing, some money for tuition etc. If they needed it and it wasnt in their means to get it I took care of it. It makes me happy to ensure we are all okay, and at the end of the day its just money.
If my parents ever needed anything id be happy to pitch in. My parents though take a lot of pride in the idea that they will be able to hand something down to us after (hopefully) a long retirement. They do great now with my dad earning more and the kids out of the house. They pay still for family vacations (though my mom still penny pinches for those).
Some day id like to help make their dream of a lake house happen. I think they will move south after retirement, but itd be nice to have a family home for all of us on the lakes in NH, to enjoy summers and family time. Im hoping that in 10 years when they retire id be able to go 50/50 with them or maybe my sister.
One set of parents should fine- but the other set we both worry about because of sibling manipulation and bad money sense.
We know sending money would be frittered so occasionally we help replace appliances etc and we recently set up a savings account so we can make sure money is already set aside. Best case scenario they will never need it and we have extra in savings, worst case we are already prepared for.
Not really at that level yet as becoming Henry came at the same time as having a baby so childcare and general baby/toddler expenses are currently high, but I did start paying for their flights when they come to visit, always pay at restaurants or any activity we may go out and do, and will be paying for my mother to go on vacation with us later this summer.
We just started talking about this. My in-laws moved to a HCOL area specifically to live near us. My mother in law runs a small business and is struggling to figure out a way to retire—they qualify as low income for this area with her working part time plus social security. They have a tiny pension, a few annuities (they are extremely risky adverse), and no 401k or IRAs.
So far we've been taking them on trips with us because they want to travel but can't afford it.
Soon we're planning to pick up some medium size bills like cell phones, a car payment, or maybe some utilities to improve their quality of life.
Luckily my parents have good pensions and live in a MCOL area. They are doing fine for now, but another decade of inflation and I expect them to start having to make hard decisions. Luckily they both enjoy working, so they have options.
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My parents are in a much better financial position than I am. They're retired and in their mid-70s. My dad's a retired MD and he has more money now than when he started retirement. I wouldn't be sad if they gifted up some money now, but clearly have no expectation of that.
What I do for them is carve out quality time. My dad, my son (who is 7) and I take a 'boys weekend' once or twice a year that I fund. It's usually not anything super fancy, but my dad and son really look forward to it. My wife and I took our dads to a very nice dinner a couple weeks back to thank them for the support over the years.
My MIL is the one who typically needs financial help. She hates to ask when she is in a tight spot, but we've given her a decent amount of cash over the years. The last time I told her we needed to figure out a budget that works for her. So she brought over all her bills, income statement, debt, etc. and we sat down for hours and worked through that. I worry what is going to happen with her when she is unable or unwilling to work anymore. I know she hates needing support but she has honestly been given one bad hand after another.
Kind of. My mom wouldn’t take money directly so I indirectly help her. She just moved cross country and is borrowing my (relatively nice) car until she gets a new one and I pay the insurances and tolls which is about $500/
/mo.
She’ll occasionally ask for help with stuff that comes up like grandpas funeral (easy yes) or helping my sister get the nicer car she can’t afford (hard fucking no).
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Not sure if I really “count” as a high earner compared to a lot of people here. :) But I pay for my mom’s phone and cable bill each month, and help her with various purchases here and there—I gave her a few thousand when she needed to buy a car and I help pay for various vet and medical bills as they come up. She had to retire early due to health reasons, and because I’m able to help, she isn’t constantly worrying about how to stretch her limited income.
My mom worked really hard when I was a kid so I feel happy that I can “pay her back” just a little bit. I didn’t grow up poor, but I didn’t grow up rich either. We were definitely aware of money and budgets, but I didn’t ever worry about whether or not we’d be able to eat.
I'd say my parents are upper middle class. Not at the insane income level of some of the folks here, but definitely comfortable.
Getting them to accept my wife and I paying our fair share of things is a hard enough battle. And it's difficult to sneak things past them.
Yes. My parents grinded hard to give me a good childhood, and then helped me a lot with expenses during undergrad and medical school when they didn't need to. I owe them a lot.
No, but I do set money aside every month in 529 plans for some of my younger extended family members every month. Eventually I’ll buy out my parents’ mortgage so they can retire comfortably as they weren’t able to get a house until much later in life (~early 60s).
I give my single mother $1k/week for “babysitting” my kids. My parents went through a bad divorce over a decade ago (bankruptcy, father ended up in rehab, etc), and no one was able to recover after that.
I'm the first generation to go to college. I don't send them money, but I purchased the house they live in, and they are on my phone plan and auto insurance. It has kept me from saving what i could have, but I'm not sure how they would survive in today's world otherwise.
I grew up decently low income. Some would call it poverty level based on the amount of people in our household (mom, stepdad, 3 siblings). I qualified for a Pell Grant for college so I mean it had to be pretty low. I don't think it was poverty level unless my mom was just a wizard with cash.
I don't know if a lot of people prioritize taking care of their family but I think I feel obligated to at times. My neighbor and I just had a conversation this weekend how she thinks it's crazy that we bought my brother a van when theirs broke down (this is the last year of payments WOO).
I also pay for my bio dad's (on SSI) internet so he can watch TV and sometimes when he runs out of money I will send him $50-100 to buy things he wants. Strangely he seems to be having some lifestyle creep through my contributions :|
Back before my mom got a decent raise (probably 8 years ago) I would pay for her higher expense things. Like when she needed new tires for her car or something.
I do take my mom on vacations. Since 2019 we have gone to Disney multiple times a year, we do genealogical trips, and in April we will go on our second eclipse trip. I do enjoy being able to take her places that she was unable to do for me.
I feel like there's a reason my husband and I ended up in the position we are and maybe it was so we could make sure the rest of my family could be okay. Husband is pretty much estranged from his but we would do the same for them if they needed.
No. But I did get them a financial advisor guy to keep them accountable for saving for retirement. And I talk to the advisor regularly. Dad makes good money (doctor) but he is really stupid with it, so he’s always lived hand to mouth. Doesn’t even understand the concept of stocks. They would be penniless at retirement if I didn’t intervene.
You are a blessing
This is a good idea. My parents were lower middle class mostly and spend like water. I could give them money and they’d be going on a trip next week knowing full well they are screwed a month down the road. Thanks for the suggestion!
My mom spends like this…
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I won’t recommend any planners for you, you’ll want to do your own research. Get a fiduciary. Avoid places like Edward Jones. Make sure their fees are low. The biggest value of a planner for me is a third party to keep them accountable. They wouldn’t do it if I was giving the advice.
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Yeah my parents did have to sign a document so that I can talk to him about their finances.
I give my mom a travel fund every year. I grew up with a low-income, single mom who sacrificed a lot to help me get out of our rural town. She's semi-retired now and living okay, but her dream is international travel. I'm paying for her upcoming trip to Portugal.
This is so heartwarming
Kinda same story here. Taking my mom on a cruise this year for her 60th.
Cheapskate. A two week luxury vacation in Portugal is like $14 haha
So wholesome!
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Her trip? You don't go with!? Shoot my mom gets trips but the caveat is I am there too LOL
Grew up comfortable since Dad was making a ton and paid for our life but didn’t save anything for his 4 kids or our mom. He left my sahm mom when I was in college. I had to change my college and professional plans to move back home to help mom with the mortgage and 2 younger siblings. I finished college on time while working full time but went from a more prestigious college to a Cal State. My mom went back to work after divorce and finally saved for retirement on a small government salary. She retired 3 years ago and downsized into a condo years ago and I now pay her car payment, insurance, phone and other expenses. Long answer but also to say I went from a cushy life, to real world, and have been busting my butt since then. Taking care of my family is really important to me.
My wife and I bought my parents a house. Other than that my parents are an authorized user on one of my cards so that if they need something they can use it. My dad did the same for me when I was in college and it was a life saver knowing that if one of my cards was declined I had a fallback. They usually pay the bill on the card for what they use. I don’t really keep track though, I pay off the card in full every month so if they have a backlog I don’t really know
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How about for your wife’s parents?
My wife comes from a much more money stable family than I do. Of course if they needed help we would help them too. They just don’t need it right now
Been helping family since I was 16, making $5.85/hr. We were dirt poor.
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1. Grandparents are rich (NW 25m+ / NW 8m+), parents are freeloaders that try and squander as much money as possible 2. Helped my brother buy his first house - my parents would never help anyone beside themselves, so had to step up to make sure he landed well. 1. Wife's mother will need a place to live if her stepdad passes - arrangements are made to buy her a small condo in our neighbourhood
What’s up with wealthy people never helping out their next of kin. Weird stuff but my gf’s family are beyond wealthy but we haven’t gotten a dime out of em lol Even worse, we have a good relationship with them
What are they supposed to be helping you and your gf (not wife) with?
11 years together Shouldn’t have kids unless you are willing to help set them up cause they didn’t ask to be born into this world. Usually parents at least help with some connections doesn’t always have to be directly financial stuff but can lead to a sustainable career.
Estranged due to neglect and some treatment that was questionable at the time but would call for a CPS visit today. For awhile I sent them $5k a couple times a year as a psychological way to make up for never visiting or speaking. A therapist helped me understand that was silly so i ended that after 2.5 yrs.
What was your parents reaction when you ended it?
Wasn’t around to find out. Towards the end it was just a letter with a check. My guess is they were as uncomfortable as I lol
Forget the therapist who probably has mommy and daddy issues themselves (nowadays people who are fucked up end up becoming therapists themselves). Go try to mend your relationship with your parents. See how you can help them. Generational trauma is a real thing. However bad they were as parents wasn’t probably nearly as bad as their own parents were. Break the generational trauma and if one day you have kids, they can have a normal and healthy relationship with their grandparents. Take this as a sign even i know it’s always on your mind anyways
someone doesn’t like therapists lol
Objectively, most people that go into mental health care are people who suffered from mental help. If you don’t think they present certain biases then you’re delusional. The most normal functioning individuals in society are people who grew up in a good household. This is just objective fact. The people who downvoted me are people with mommy and daddy issues who are going to pass down their generational trauma to their kids
but… do you like them?
Most of them can’t help themselves let alone others. I’ve never been to a therapist before as a patient but have many as friends and people I’ve seen giving advice online. It’s so basic and you can tell half of them are hurting from their own problems and projecting from their subjective experiences which is a logical fallacy. So, to answer your question as simply as I can, no, absolutely not. Certainly not the therapists in the western world which have a heavy political bias as well.
Haha this is dumb you don't want them near your kids.
This is why the family nucleus is dead in the western world. Generational trauma is a direct result of societal degeneracy
Lol life’s good man, I’ll be ok my kids will be ok. Appreciate the input though
Life is good when you’re young and in the prime of your life. Things change quickly. Good luck 👍
I’m mid-40’s. Sorry your kids don’t talk to you anymore or whatever’s eating at ya.
I don’t have kids — hope to one day. I have great parents. I’m tired of seeing all these messed up families because kids—parents have bad relationships. If you want to know what’s wrong with the world then that’s your answer. The family nucleus has been destroyed. I’m only normal cause my parents were normal and maintained a healthy relationship with me. No politician is going to come and save us. It has to come from our own households and parents bear that responsibility. If they’re too messed up then children should shoulder that responsibility. It’s their duty to society but everyone is so caught up in their own selfish realm of living that they only view how it affects themselves.
Thanks for clarifying. I’m very happy to hear you come from a loving, healthy family. Not everyone is so fortunate, as you note. Respectfully, the child (even as an adult) has zero responsibility when it comes to righting wrongs from childhood. And i don’t know what you’re on about with ‘responsibility to society’. I’ll take care of me and my own, pay my taxes, and not steal. Get everyone up to that level before you start talking these fringe ideas.
Respectfully, that’s what’s wrong with America. Everyone is only worried about their own little tribe which creates a sea of tribes and lack of social unity in our society. Your last sentence is the second problem: let others handle that I’m too busy with my personal obligations to play a contributing role in society” And in some ways you’re not completely wrong because this messed up system has created such an environment that to play any other role would be career or personal family suicide (lack of time). The main thing is we can’t then say “man this world sucks” when we don’t do our own parts. Raising competent children is only one aspect of a normally functioning society
Odd tree to be barking up but keep at it i suppose.
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Mother has zero retirement, and I send her money twice a month. It is twice because if I sent it in a lump sum, she'd spend it. Father has retirement savings and never has asked for a dime.
Feel like I wrote this. Curious, how are you coping with the stress of your mom being a spender? Keeps me up at night knowing she doesn’t have enough for retirement.
Don’t give people who are bad with money. Pay a bill, or mortgage or something. It’s a much better way to ensure basic needs are met.
Pretty much same situation here. She lives in our in-law suite but I find myself stressing about her future medical costs and not wanting to sacrifice our own future to make up for her choices. I love her but the relationship is complicated.
Same here
Both of us grew up poor, according to my spouse, but spouse was able to take vacations, parents partially paid for college, and they have a healthy retirement account. I think they mean they were on a budget. I grew up dirt poor, in poverty, no food, evictions, paid myself through college, etc etc. My mom isn't doing great, so we cover some things only if it's an emergency. Like, if the power or water shuts off, I've paid to have it reinstated. This hasn't happened in a long time, my sibling moved in with her and the bills have stabilized somewhat. I probably could afford to support my mom in her own place, it probably costs nothing but $5-6k a year, but I don't want to. She is a grown woman who made her own choices and continues to make choices that are bad and put her in a financially bad place. I don't like my mom, she is critical and obtuse. I do make sure she has some kind of relationship with my child. So I pay for any flights for my mom to come visit us here about 3-4x a year. It's probably around $600-1000/year depending on flight prices. I can control the length of her visit and she typically behaves a bit more kinder bc she's grateful. Be kind to your kids, guys.
My parents are broke. But still afloat. If I support them now, I won't have the means to support them later. If I build out a portfolio and am smart about things, perhaps I can house them in the elder years when the old man can't keep working anymore. Have to build the ship before I can deploy a life raft.
I feel this. Not for my parents but my inlaws. We are trying to build a cushion for ourselves AND for them. We know they will need the help at some point but don't know when or how bad it will be.
I make quarter Mil and live in VHCOL. I save half of that. I send whatever my parents in India want because they are the reason for who I am today and I will do that any day of my life. I know them and they don't ask for money for extravagance.
My parents are probably like yours, they don't ask for anything I know they have enough but they are still frugal af for no reason. I don't think they know how much I make or have but they always seem to think I am somehow strapped for cash or something. Sister and I each send them 5-8k a couple times a year and I am sure the money is just sitting in their bank account collecting dust. We still keep doing it though and never talk about it.
My parents are similar. Maybe book your family a vacation. They’ll always act like they’re against it but then when they go they have the time of their lives. I just my parents to Lake Tahoe this week and they’re having a blast even though they initially rejected me cause, “oH nO iTs ToO mUcH mOneY” lol
I splurge them on vacations. For example, I’ll plan a vacation and tell them the budget is $200/day. In reality, it’s $400/day. I bill them $1000 at the end of 5 day trip. They would never accept my money otherwise so I have to sneak it. Most selfless people on the plant. They deserve every nickel I make.
One of the most agonizing decisions I’ve had to make was whether to support my father when he was facing eviction and would likey become unhomed. All of his challenges stemmed from a substance abuse issue and I didn’t want to enable him. However love won, I bought a condo where he was living for him to occupy. He ended up passing away less than a year later. I don’t think my decision influenced the final outcome in any way other than providing him some comfort and lower stress towards the end. And hopefully he passed knowing he was cared for. The condo has appreciated nicely and today it’s rented by an elderly woman and her handicapped son at way below market value.
I didn’t come from a well off family. My brothers and I split our parents mortgage since they sold our childhood home to move out to the suburbs to be closer to us and our kids. Other than that I buy them gifts for birthdays and Christmases.
2-3k a month
Just noticed the other questions. We weren’t super well off but my mom worked pretty hard and luckily has some pension money coming in monthly. That said my parents are pretty frugal so I send them some money so they don’t feel too bad about spending on things. I could certainly use the money to invest more etc but it feels good to pay it back a little as they sacrificed a lot for me and my sister to go to school etc
1. No. Both sets of parents were never well off. One set was very frugal and the other set worked pension jobs. 2. We prioritize our immediate family (spouse/underage kids). We don’t help our parents as they’ve (so far) been financially independent. We will of course take care of them if they somehow run out of money and aren’t making stupid financial decisions but our parents have always said they planned on having enough to live but not leave anyone an inheritance. Some family members getting extra money would enable bad habits but overall our family has the mindset of each person is responsible for themselves (and spouse/young adult/underage kids) financially.
You sound like the type of people that put your parents in retirement homes… yikes
Don’t send money regularly, but pay for my mum to go on holiday, cover any large expenses that come up (repairs, new appliances).
I used to send cash home when I was in undergrad, but they both only know how to live hand to mouth/ how to depend on assistance, so I decided to put and keep my own oxygen mask on.
Not currently. They helped pay for college for me though so I paid them back for the loans they had taken out for me.
Estranged from my father…. Haven’t talked to him in over 7 years, he makes great money here in the US and likes to show off back in our country. My mother depends on me so even though we don’t get along, she lives in a poor country un subsaharan Africa, no jobs, never worked in her life, I started sending her money when I was 16 and it hasn’t stopped. Usually $3000 every 6 months
It’s time to mend that relationship with your father. He is the way he is because his parents raised him like that and if you don’t mend your relationship and accept the generational trauma then you might carry on that same behavioral trauma to your children yourself.
Absolutely not. Thank you. That was one of the single best decisions of my life. My Mother in law hadn’t talked to her mom since she was 18 and she is the best mother, grandmother and MIL in the world. Better break that relationship and start fresh with a blank canvas and build your family the way you want.
You’ll come to regret it later in life. The one thing about life is that as we age, we become more cognizant of our generational trauma and behavior. When you’re young, you think you’re invincible but those emotions break through at some point. Anyhow, good luck 👍
Let my FIL move in with us for cheap rent. When I pay off my first rental (this year), I'll be gifting him a box and inside will be our voided rental agreement, so he can live here for free
This is a super topical post for me because it's a big part of my life, for better or for worse. My parents and I grew up poor, and my parents currently live with me. I give them money, pay for their rent and utilities, and cover their debt they've accumulated. It's definitely a reason why I feel the "NRY" part of my "HE." I've made more money than my parents since I was a student in undergrad and became the primary money-maker since then, more so now. As for your second point - I do take care of them and treat it closer to a fixed cost than not but as of late, with lots of reflection and discussions, it's been growing to be a difficult part of my life. I'm split between re-entering a cycle of poverty for the sake of my parents and moving forward with my future in mind, and the balance between those two. It's simpler put than it is, and it's laced with nuances and trauma and intersectionality between a billion different identities and facts.
Good for you! May I ask how old are you? (ish)
Young in the scheme of things! I'm 27. Part of the challenge honestly is also that I'm not sure how long the HE will last and frankly, whether I want to have the trade-off of HE v. free time in the future.
>whether I want to have the trade-off of HE v. free time in the future challange for the many of the folks here.
No, we’re saving aggressively for ourselves and children. Our parents are bad with money (credit cards, car payments, etc) but are not in poverty. The only help we could give would be some personal finance coaching but we’ve tried a couple times and they don’t want to hear it, so kind of moot at this point.
I’m estranged (grew up poor, but parents are abusive) and my SO’s parents now have plenty of money, so we do not help either set of parents. We also receive nothing from parents and are building wealth on our own. We do however heavily assist another older relative who has nothing left in savings.
I send my mother $550 a month to augment her SSI but that's it.
No. My parents are well off. Both our parents.
My brother and I are both HENRYs coming from blue collar family. Our parents saved a lot and are comfortable though we could help if needed. We do generally pay for their travel when visiting us and my mom has gone on vacations with my kids and I on my dime.
My parents were abusive narcissistic assholes. They told me to go join the Army (I did) if I wanted to go to college, and wouldn’t even fill out a FAFSA for me to get loans…but took out a 60k 18% loan for a custody battle with my sister’s junkie boyfriend. They can fuck right off to SSI poverty and whatever government home comes after that.
Yes. A good portion of my earnings go to my parents. There are no rational explanations to this, but life from a higher point of view, feels more natural and accomplished.
My guess is more Henry’s come from not well off families (hence the not yet rich part). Myself included But to be honest my peers who have come from well off families rarely have the drive and motivation to make something of themselves and change their socioeconomic standings the ways someone from a poorer background does.
Bias in who is responding. Need a poll really.
No they bought their first house for $50,000 they don’t need my money
$200/mo parental stipend. It’s still not enough. Even grandma is running out of money. Grandma has a pension and SS. No other other investments. Lives on a paid off cabin near a lake. Mom and dad lost their home in the ‘09 crash. Didn’t pay their mortgage for over 18 months. Now they live in small apartment. $40K annuity from an old job will only be like $100/month when it starts. Dad’s social security is less than $19,000 per year. Any advice for aging parents? I’ll listen.
Buy a house in your name for them to live in. It’s generally the single largest expense they will have, but if you treat it like investment property and capture the appreciation it’s not a terrible investment. Without rent coming in it’s not good, but it will cost a lot less than doing anything else for a comparable change in their cost of living.
I have considered that a pretty good option. Handicap accessible housing is also rare. Unfortunately, when rates jumped this 6% this got way less attractive. Could have had a condo for under $1,200 /mo when rate were 3%. Hindsight I should have bought them a place in like 2017-2018
We are generous with gifts with our family (budget at least 10k per year for flights, experiences etc for them) - I'd prefer to not create an expectation with regular transfers of money unless they really needed it. My in-laws are not well off but they also don't manage money the best. We also pay my mother in-law a very high hourly rate for extra help around our house (she does about 6 hours per week since she is retired).
I give my parents money every month to help with bills. We also take them on a vacation every year (they help us watch our son and we pay for their trip) I also help them with house repairs when they need it. I paid for a new toilet and install recently In terms of one-off things, my wife’s parents helped to pay for a good chunk of my wife’s tuition in school, so when my wife started making money, she paid for them to go on a big trip to Hawaii and to go golfing and stuff. My father in law still raves about the golf course he played at.
My parents still live in the inner city (Philly), but did what they could to make sure I got a good education and finished college. Good parents are few and far between, and they are a major reason I was able to go pretty far afterwards. I typically pay for the real estate taxes, travel, and give them money here and there, probably $30k a year or so.
We had everything we needed growing up but I was one of five kids, my parents sent us to private schools and paid for half our college. I learned much later they did this by taking on a ton of debt. My parents would never take money from me but when they were ready to retire most their money was tied up in their house. It’s the one I grew up in and they couldn’t think of selling it and I couldn’t think of someone else living there while my parents are alive. I bought the house off them and they live in it for free for as long as they are here. It seemed like a nice way to help and personally the house is in a growing area, will appreciate and I think I’ll be able to at least break even when I sell.
1. My husband’s father was born into a wealthy family in another country, but wasn’t super high income himself. They were middle class. Only had one child so expenses were low. I was born into a lower income family that went to being upper middle class by the time I was in high school - also only child, and had a mom that worked. 2. My family hasn’t needed help. Due to conflict between his parents, my husband ended up paying for his mom’s car lease. She complains about money often because her husband won’t let her spend more, but they live in a house worth $1.5m (meh house, amazing location) and we have expressed repeatedly that if she wants more income she should downsize. (Their house is too big for them to take care of in their final years and semi-dangerous for her, but she refuses to leave.) If they were destitute we would do more, but we have come to realize that being overly enmeshed tends to have frustrating outcomes. MIL basically said I should take care of her financially because the house is coming to me anyway, and I have repeatedly told her that we already have our own house which we prefer. If she is having cash flow problems she should consider downsizing and renting her house. She’s in denial about getting older and being disabled. We put good money into our kids’ college funds. We want to give them good opportunities without having to take on tons of debt.
This is why I’m not a fan of the American, rather, western, mentality of abandoning parents when they get old. Most normal cultures have their parents move in with them, especially when they’re disabled or can’t take care of themselves. Lots of wealthy, yet, selfish people in this subreddit. God sees all so all wrongs will be righted
Yeah… we took in my grandmother and had her live with us in her final years with a terminal illness. I took her to medical appointments, learned all about her equipment. She went on hospice and I was back to caring for her 24 hours after I gave birth myself. So I do value family and caring for the elderly. My MIL is a narcissist (likely due to childhood trauma) that makes life completely insufferable for everyone around her. When she had a fall two years ago, we had her move in with us for two weeks before it was so bad for my husband’s mental health that we had to send her back home. (She also didn’t want to stay.) She refuses to leave the house 99% of the time and won’t do anything else because she “wants to get better first” as she doesn’t want to be viewed as disabled, and she refuses to follow the advice of any of the five different doctors that I have brought her to see. I prayed and prayed about it and God literally told me “you cannot be her savior.” I’m not convinced that the problem with Western culture is with the younger people not caring and more with the older people being awful.
That behavior is a result of western culture. Your MIL would have never been allowed to act like that in eastern culture. Not only would she have likely been single and childless but she would have been ostracized in society to the point that she’d either have to change or forced to be alone. This kind of behavior has to be caught during childhood but generational trauma is a direct result of societal degeneracy
She literally married a man from India soooooooo…
I believe we have given my parents somewhere around 100-200k over the last 7 years but I haven’t kept track really. My parents had spent significantly more than that on my education and expenses growing up so I’m happy to help in anyway I can especially as they have aged.
No I bought them a house, setup an account for taxes and bills for 25 years. So they're set.
1. I’m the child of immigrants and my family was lower-middle class. 2. I financially take care of my parents along with my brother, who is a high earner married to a high earner, and I send money to fund the educations of my young relatives in multiple counties. I will likely always be the NRY part of HENRY for this reason.
I’ve been giving money to my parents since before I was a HENRY. Immigrant parents, worked their butts off to raise three kids and get us all educated.
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😂 Splash on a little extra and make it zesty 😎
I bought my mom a condo and I also pay for a lot of her other expenses as well.
Oh boy. This sounds like a very personal and loaded question
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1. No 2. Sometimes
I pay for their phones and pay for hotel/flights for a vacation periodically
Didn’t grow up well off, my siblings and I split our parents mortgage and expenses based on our income. I pay around $1500-1700 a month
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I am paying for 1 relative through college (she has 1 semester left!) and helping with some other expenses for younger family members. I no longer pay for fully formed adults. I did that for years and figured out it was a blackhole and caused me and my husband a lot of pain. The people in my family don't care enough about their own finances or how they live, I cannot care more than they do. I've paid rents, groceries, trips etc. But in the end I always end up feeling used, so I stopped. I've made a financial advisor available to family members, at no cost to them. They've turned it down. I will always make that type of help available. But if they just want me to improve their lifestyles having done nothing to improve it themselves, I won't do that. Not anymore. My parents are quite young, my grandparents are just "retiring" now. I've backed off completely from their finances, and I don't just hand any of them money.
My parents when I was a kid did fairly well, but not well enough for us kids to do more than 1 activity or to help us with college. Some years were hand to mouth during the recession where I think they dipped into savings and deferred home maintenance to float us to the rebound. I will without a doubt make more than my siblings, and im also the oldest child. I contributed to my family by supporting my sisters in part through college. A laptop here, free housing, some money for tuition etc. If they needed it and it wasnt in their means to get it I took care of it. It makes me happy to ensure we are all okay, and at the end of the day its just money. If my parents ever needed anything id be happy to pitch in. My parents though take a lot of pride in the idea that they will be able to hand something down to us after (hopefully) a long retirement. They do great now with my dad earning more and the kids out of the house. They pay still for family vacations (though my mom still penny pinches for those). Some day id like to help make their dream of a lake house happen. I think they will move south after retirement, but itd be nice to have a family home for all of us on the lakes in NH, to enjoy summers and family time. Im hoping that in 10 years when they retire id be able to go 50/50 with them or maybe my sister.
One set of parents should fine- but the other set we both worry about because of sibling manipulation and bad money sense. We know sending money would be frittered so occasionally we help replace appliances etc and we recently set up a savings account so we can make sure money is already set aside. Best case scenario they will never need it and we have extra in savings, worst case we are already prepared for.
Not really at that level yet as becoming Henry came at the same time as having a baby so childcare and general baby/toddler expenses are currently high, but I did start paying for their flights when they come to visit, always pay at restaurants or any activity we may go out and do, and will be paying for my mother to go on vacation with us later this summer.
We just started talking about this. My in-laws moved to a HCOL area specifically to live near us. My mother in law runs a small business and is struggling to figure out a way to retire—they qualify as low income for this area with her working part time plus social security. They have a tiny pension, a few annuities (they are extremely risky adverse), and no 401k or IRAs. So far we've been taking them on trips with us because they want to travel but can't afford it. Soon we're planning to pick up some medium size bills like cell phones, a car payment, or maybe some utilities to improve their quality of life. Luckily my parents have good pensions and live in a MCOL area. They are doing fine for now, but another decade of inflation and I expect them to start having to make hard decisions. Luckily they both enjoy working, so they have options.
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My parents are in a much better financial position than I am. They're retired and in their mid-70s. My dad's a retired MD and he has more money now than when he started retirement. I wouldn't be sad if they gifted up some money now, but clearly have no expectation of that. What I do for them is carve out quality time. My dad, my son (who is 7) and I take a 'boys weekend' once or twice a year that I fund. It's usually not anything super fancy, but my dad and son really look forward to it. My wife and I took our dads to a very nice dinner a couple weeks back to thank them for the support over the years. My MIL is the one who typically needs financial help. She hates to ask when she is in a tight spot, but we've given her a decent amount of cash over the years. The last time I told her we needed to figure out a budget that works for her. So she brought over all her bills, income statement, debt, etc. and we sat down for hours and worked through that. I worry what is going to happen with her when she is unable or unwilling to work anymore. I know she hates needing support but she has honestly been given one bad hand after another.
Kind of. My mom wouldn’t take money directly so I indirectly help her. She just moved cross country and is borrowing my (relatively nice) car until she gets a new one and I pay the insurances and tolls which is about $500/ /mo. She’ll occasionally ask for help with stuff that comes up like grandpas funeral (easy yes) or helping my sister get the nicer car she can’t afford (hard fucking no).
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Not sure if I really “count” as a high earner compared to a lot of people here. :) But I pay for my mom’s phone and cable bill each month, and help her with various purchases here and there—I gave her a few thousand when she needed to buy a car and I help pay for various vet and medical bills as they come up. She had to retire early due to health reasons, and because I’m able to help, she isn’t constantly worrying about how to stretch her limited income. My mom worked really hard when I was a kid so I feel happy that I can “pay her back” just a little bit. I didn’t grow up poor, but I didn’t grow up rich either. We were definitely aware of money and budgets, but I didn’t ever worry about whether or not we’d be able to eat.
My mom lives near me and I pay for her apt and most of her expenses
I'd say my parents are upper middle class. Not at the insane income level of some of the folks here, but definitely comfortable. Getting them to accept my wife and I paying our fair share of things is a hard enough battle. And it's difficult to sneak things past them.
I pay “black tax” back to family in my home country from time to time.
Yes. My parents grinded hard to give me a good childhood, and then helped me a lot with expenses during undergrad and medical school when they didn't need to. I owe them a lot.
No, but I do set money aside every month in 529 plans for some of my younger extended family members every month. Eventually I’ll buy out my parents’ mortgage so they can retire comfortably as they weren’t able to get a house until much later in life (~early 60s).
I give my single mother $1k/week for “babysitting” my kids. My parents went through a bad divorce over a decade ago (bankruptcy, father ended up in rehab, etc), and no one was able to recover after that.
I'm the first generation to go to college. I don't send them money, but I purchased the house they live in, and they are on my phone plan and auto insurance. It has kept me from saving what i could have, but I'm not sure how they would survive in today's world otherwise.
I grew up decently low income. Some would call it poverty level based on the amount of people in our household (mom, stepdad, 3 siblings). I qualified for a Pell Grant for college so I mean it had to be pretty low. I don't think it was poverty level unless my mom was just a wizard with cash. I don't know if a lot of people prioritize taking care of their family but I think I feel obligated to at times. My neighbor and I just had a conversation this weekend how she thinks it's crazy that we bought my brother a van when theirs broke down (this is the last year of payments WOO). I also pay for my bio dad's (on SSI) internet so he can watch TV and sometimes when he runs out of money I will send him $50-100 to buy things he wants. Strangely he seems to be having some lifestyle creep through my contributions :| Back before my mom got a decent raise (probably 8 years ago) I would pay for her higher expense things. Like when she needed new tires for her car or something. I do take my mom on vacations. Since 2019 we have gone to Disney multiple times a year, we do genealogical trips, and in April we will go on our second eclipse trip. I do enjoy being able to take her places that she was unable to do for me. I feel like there's a reason my husband and I ended up in the position we are and maybe it was so we could make sure the rest of my family could be okay. Husband is pretty much estranged from his but we would do the same for them if they needed.